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Freely given...
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So iv seen a post on a local FB group that has got me thinking.
So a woman put a post saying she had some food she wanted to give away.
A few people suggested a local food bank, the poster then stated she wanted to make sure it went to a deserving family so said she won't donate to a food bank incase a family that didn't deserve it was given the food.
So it got me thinking how do we decide who we think deserves and who doesn't and do you think this woman was right or do you think if we choose to give we should do so without judgement.
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I think we should *to a degree* give without judgement but it's impossible to for someone like me ie a flawed human  .
I give to foodbanks because I know how most of them work and I despise the idea of the "deserving poor" but there are charities I won't donate to because I don't think they're as important (to me) as others.
I think the important thing is the donation rather than the motive. |
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I guess its her donation her choice but I wouldn't put stipulations on it.
Much like I don't care if people flip free things on Facebook sites and make a profit on it. I saw no value in it and wanted rid. Of someone else takes that and makes money on it, good for them.
I also don't care what homeless people spend the money I give them on. |
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The woman is free to give to who she feels deserves it more I guess. But in most cases, people are to busy to do the research that she is willing to do. Charities must have a means test, or so I would have thought. Either way well done to this woman for trying to ensure it goes to those most in need. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The woman is free to give to who she feels deserves it more I guess. But in most cases, people are to busy to do the research that she is willing to do. Charities must have a means test, or so I would have thought. Either way well done to this woman for trying to ensure it goes to those most in need."
But thats my point how do we decide who needs it more and how do we decide who is deserving and who isn't?
What she wanted was a family to come forward and then how would she decide if they were deserving? if she wanted rid of the food then surely it wouldn't matter who it went to. |
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"I guess its her donation her choice but I wouldn't put stipulations on it.
Much like I don't care if people flip free things on Facebook sites and make a profit on it. I saw no value in it and wanted rid. Of someone else takes that and makes money on it, good for them.
I also don't care what homeless people spend the money I give them on. "
I don't care what they spend it on either.
I feel that way about gifts too.
Once something is given bit becomes that persons to do what they want with. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I guess its her donation her choice but I wouldn't put stipulations on it.
Much like I don't care if people flip free things on Facebook sites and make a profit on it. I saw no value in it and wanted rid. Of someone else takes that and makes money on it, good for them.
I also don't care what homeless people spend the money I give them on. "
This is my thinking to be honest.
Personally if I'd give something I do it because I want to or because it is something I don't want and want to get rid of rather than deciding who I think is worthy and who isn't. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've volunteered at a Foodbank. Things weren't just given to whoever knocks on the door. People were in genuine hardship and referred by their GP, social worker, Red Cross or other such agencies. That may not be the case with other Foodbank, but I'm happy to give my time, money or shop for whatever they are short of to help others. I'm in a more fortunate position than many |
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"The woman is free to give to who she feels deserves it more I guess. But in most cases, people are to busy to do the research that she is willing to do. Charities must have a means test, or so I would have thought. Either way well done to this woman for trying to ensure it goes to those most in need.
But thats my point how do we decide who needs it more and how do we decide who is deserving and who isn't?
What she wanted was a family to come forward and then how would she decide if they were deserving? if she wanted rid of the food then surely it wouldn't matter who it went to."
If I was in need of food I'd hate to be assessed as to my worthiness of receiving it by someone from Facebook  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've volunteered at a Foodbank. Things weren't just given to whoever knocks on the door. People were in genuine hardship and referred by their GP, social worker, Red Cross or other such agencies. That may not be the case with other Foodbank, but I'm happy to give my time, money or shop for whatever they are short of to help others. I'm in a more fortunate position than many"
Exactly this.
I used a volunteer in the food bank and same policy as the one you volunteer for.
People would be referred from various agencies for all kinds of reasons.
It was actually thinking this morning, what would happen if somebody came in to donate food and said I don't want this to go to an alcoholic or someone in debt. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I thought people had to be referred to food banks.
Can anyone walk in and take stuff?"
It depends on the type of food bank.
Where I used to live there was one where you had to be referred, And another where you could just turn up.
My thinking if someone goes to a food bank they have to have some kind of difficulty because most of us would not go to the food bank simply for free food if we didn't need it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"She’s making a value judgement based on her own morals. It seems quite harsh in my view, how does she consider who is deserving over others?
It find that attitude to be quite troubling"
Same here.
It almost felt like she wanted to be seen to be doing something good but wanted to judge the recipient. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've volunteered at a Foodbank. Things weren't just given to whoever knocks on the door. People were in genuine hardship and referred by their GP, social worker, Red Cross or other such agencies. That may not be the case with other Foodbank, but I'm happy to give my time, money or shop for whatever they are short of to help others. I'm in a more fortunate position than many
Exactly this.
I used a volunteer in the food bank and same policy as the one you volunteer for.
People would be referred from various agencies for all kinds of reasons.
It was actually thinking this morning, what would happen if somebody came in to donate food and said I don't want this to go to an alcoholic or someone in debt. "
I think that would be a truly awful thing to do. I'd hope they would see that their donation is a selfless act and whoever received it is in a dire position. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Food banks have a list of what they want donated, I tried to donate food there before but they only wanted tins and dried foods "
That is often to do with storage availability.
Some foodbanks do take fresh and frozen food but only if they have means to store it because any food the is given out hasta be stored safely Some foodbanks do take fresh and frozen food but only if they have means to store it because any food that is given out has to be stored safely. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a general aversion to judging others. None of us know another's circumstances and there is nothing special about anyone that makes their opinions on what is right or wrong any more worthy than another.
I volunteer with a charity where the people we help are routinely derided, judged and called all kinds on social media. There are always a list of keyboard warriors ready to decide who is and isn't worthy of our help. It genuinely angers me, if someone needs help then fucking help them, don't take the opportunity to lecture them on their failings, none of them intended to be in the situation they're in.
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have a general aversion to judging others. None of us know another's circumstances and there is nothing special about anyone that makes their opinions on what is right or wrong any more worthy than another.
I volunteer with a charity where the people we help are routinely derided, judged and called all kinds on social media. There are always a list of keyboard warriors ready to decide who is and isn't worthy of our help. It genuinely angers me, if someone needs help then fucking help them, don't take the opportunity to lecture them on their failings, none of them intended to be in the situation they're in.
Mr"
Couldn't have worded better myself. |
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This kinda thing makes me really uncomfortable. It’s almost like virtue signalling in posting how she’s giving something away, but also like she wants to personally see gratitude from the ‘needy’. I’ve worked in food banks and it’s impossible to know anyone’s circumstances when they walk through the door. You see folks from all walks of life and it’s a great lesson in humility for those that don’t fully appreciate how difficult life can be for others. |
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"So iv seen a post on a local FB group that has got me thinking.
So a woman put a post saying she had some food she wanted to give away.
A few people suggested a local food bank, the poster then stated she wanted to make sure it went to a deserving family so said she won't donate to a food bank incase a family that didn't deserve it was given the food.
So it got me thinking how do we decide who we think deserves and who doesn't and do you think this woman was right or do you think if we choose to give we should do so without judgement.
"
Hmmm, personally her take on this doesn't sit comfortably with me.
I regularly give to my foodbank, often sanitary products as well as food.
The local system requires a referral from specific local charities or groups, such as Social Services and Citizens Advice. You can't just walk in. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"[Removed by poster at 24/07/21 11:48:36]"
I find that attitude quite uncomfortable because If you're going to give something but then want to know why that person is in need and then judge whether they are worthy, I think that is a worrying attitude. |
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"The woman is free to give to who she feels deserves it more I guess. But in most cases, people are to busy to do the research that she is willing to do. Charities must have a means test, or so I would have thought. Either way well done to this woman for trying to ensure it goes to those most in need.
But thats my point how do we decide who needs it more and how do we decide who is deserving and who isn't?
What she wanted was a family to come forward and then how would she decide if they were deserving? if she wanted rid of the food then surely it wouldn't matter who it went to."
This is my concern with this also. What sort of evidence is needed if she doesn't think that the food bank processes are sufficient? Is it fair to expect people to degrade themselves to that point to prove they're struggling enough? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"The woman is free to give to who she feels deserves it more I guess. But in most cases, people are to busy to do the research that she is willing to do. Charities must have a means test, or so I would have thought. Either way well done to this woman for trying to ensure it goes to those most in need.
But thats my point how do we decide who needs it more and how do we decide who is deserving and who isn't?
What she wanted was a family to come forward and then how would she decide if they were deserving? if she wanted rid of the food then surely it wouldn't matter who it went to.
This is my concern with this also. What sort of evidence is needed if she doesn't think that the food bank processes are sufficient? Is it fair to expect people to degrade themselves to that point to prove they're struggling enough? "
I completely agree and as saffron said it feels like virtue signalling.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So iv seen a post on a local FB group that has got me thinking.
So a woman put a post saying she had some food she wanted to give away.
A few people suggested a local food bank, the poster then stated she wanted to make sure it went to a deserving family so said she won't donate to a food bank incase a family that didn't deserve it was given the food.
So it got me thinking how do we decide who we think deserves and who doesn't and do you think this woman was right or do you think if we choose to give we should do so without judgement.
"
I think the act of giving is definitely a positive thing and feeling, I’ve had situations where I’ve tried to give more than just financial help as it would be more valuable, and there is no 100% way of ever knowing who deserves it, but things like food banks or certain charities I know will select families and individuals based upon what they believe is needs based, I wouldn’t interfere with these processes. As per homeless people, I’ve just always had a humanistic approach and tried to ask what they feel they want or need, and then go from there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I did some volunteering at a food bank during lockdown. Most of the service users were either drug users, alcohol users or single people with mental health issues. Not that many families "
So are they less deserving? |
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"I thought people had to be referred to food banks.
Can anyone walk in and take stuff?
It depends on the type of food bank.
Where I used to live there was one where you had to be referred, And another where you could just turn up.
My thinking if someone goes to a food bank they have to have some kind of difficulty because most of us would not go to the food bank simply for free food if we didn't need it. "
I think that too and if people who *we* think don't need it do take it that's us making judgements again. Someone judges a person's access to food at food banks unless it's open to all and I think if we're attaching conditions to giving food we're at the top of a slippery slope |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A definition of the 'deserving poor' is:
'... people who are poor but have good qualities and are not responsible for having little money ... '
In my mind it would be someone who needed the food because the reason they were in need was through no fault of their own.
The undeserving vs. deserving is an ongoing argument for any form of welfare (ie to claim unemployment you have to prove you are looking for work and not 'sponging' off the state).
Do you give welfare to anyone who asks for it or do you have criteria for those who want the help?
There is an argument which says you do away with all types of welfare and replace it with a Universal Basic Income (every citizen receives a base line amount of money from the government) - this would do away with ideas of deserving/undeserving. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd be interested to see this FB post, to see how exactly this lady posted her message.
"
Her opening post was I have some food I want to give way to a family that need it.
People then started suggesting she donated to a food bank.
Her response "I want it to go to a deserving family, so won't give it to a food bank.
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"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others."
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others.
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring. "
I don't either.
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"I'd be interested to see this FB post, to see how exactly this lady posted her message.
Her opening post was I have some food I want to give way to a family that need it.
People then started suggesting she donated to a food bank.
Her response "I want it to go to a deserving family, so won't give it to a food bank.
"
She has the same opinion of food banks as many fab members it seems. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'd be interested to see this FB post, to see how exactly this lady posted her message.
Her opening post was I have some food I want to give way to a family that need it.
People then started suggesting she donated to a food bank.
Her response "I want it to go to a deserving family, so won't give it to a food bank.
She has the same opinion of food banks as many fab members it seems. "
Seems to be the case.
I have volunteered in food banks and yes there were people that could possibly be abusing the system however the vast majority of people found themselves in really difficult situations.
Some of those situations where through no fault of their own while others yes people possibly weren't doing enough to help themselves but who am I to judge.
I don't know everyone's back story and i freely gave my time and I certainly wasn't going to judge the people who came in. |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others.
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring. "
No your right giving is giving but I think the its more to do with keeping ones ego in check. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"The woman is free to give to who she feels deserves it more I guess. But in most cases, people are to busy to do the research that she is willing to do. Charities must have a means test, or so I would have thought. Either way well done to this woman for trying to ensure it goes to those most in need.
But thats my point how do we decide who needs it more and how do we decide who is deserving and who isn't?
What she wanted was a family to come forward and then how would she decide if they were deserving? if she wanted rid of the food then surely it wouldn't matter who it went to."
You don’t need to decide who needs it more. Any giving helps. She wanted to be praised , it says more about her than she probably realised, maybe guilt ? |
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"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others.
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring.
No your right giving is giving but I think the its more to do with keeping ones ego in check. "
It doesn't make the donation any less however large the ego.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Ive actually just remembered something I saw a few years ago on a local help the homeless group.
It was a photo of the soup run, One woman commented as there was a lady in the queue who was carrying a marks and Spencers carrier bag.
The woman commented "if she can afford to shop in M&S she doesn't need free food"!
Iv got a Harrods carrier bag but iv never stepped inside the shop.  |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others.
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring.
No your right giving is giving but I think the its more to do with keeping ones ego in check.
It doesn't make the donation any less however large the ego.
"
Giving anonymously is so much better , it removes all the ulterior motives . No one needs to know what you give.
It does make the donation less, the biggest givers are always anonymous and it’s usually painful to them, I know from raising money for projects. The ones that do just giving pages and post on Facebook give a measly £10 or £20 and think they are a saviour, many people donate thousands every month by direct debit often no one knows. |
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By *HaRiFMan
over a year ago
Beyond the shadows. |
"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others.
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring.
No your right giving is giving but I think the its more to do with keeping ones ego in check.
It doesn't make the donation any less however large the ego.
"
I agree with you , I was just saying anonymously giving is thought of as less detrimental to the ones ego and there for ones self. That's is why its thought of as a better option. |
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"Ive actually just remembered something I saw a few years ago on a local help the homeless group.
It was a photo of the soup run, One woman commented as there was a lady in the queue who was carrying a marks and Spencers carrier bag.
The woman commented "if she can afford to shop in M&S she doesn't need free food"!
Iv got a Harrods carrier bag but iv never stepped inside the shop. "
I think we all judge.
Years ago I had a friend who was in dire straits financially. I helped her out a fair bit but it used to bug me that she smoked and had takeaways sometimes. Then down the line a bit we were on very tough times and guess what? We didn't smoke but we did have a takeaway now and again . I think if you've been very poor you understand better maybe, I don't know. |
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"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others.
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring.
No your right giving is giving but I think the its more to do with keeping ones ego in check.
It doesn't make the donation any less however large the ego.
I agree with you , I was just saying anonymously giving is thought of as less detrimental to the ones ego and there for ones self. That's is why its thought of as a better option."
Oh ok I understand, thanks for explaining.
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Friends and family used to give me things they didn’t need as I sold on eBay and did car boot sales to save for holidays for me and my sons when I didn’t have a decent wage. They didn’t question that I had a good social life (although most probably knew many times I would take the car and buy I Diet Coke the whole night)
Moving in I have finished studying, got the big pay rise so I now split my ebay things and give a lot of things to charity shop as pay back.
With regards to the Facebook post- it is likely the most deserving people wouldn’t actually ask for the much needed food and that’s the problems we face in society. For example Parents going without food so they can feed/clothe their children but they wouldn’t dream of asking for hand outs |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Friends and family used to give me things they didn’t need as I sold on eBay and did car boot sales to save for holidays for me and my sons when I didn’t have a decent wage. They didn’t question that I had a good social life (although most probably knew many times I would take the car and buy I Diet Coke the whole night)
Moving in I have finished studying, got the big pay rise so I now split my ebay things and give a lot of things to charity shop as pay back.
With regards to the Facebook post- it is likely the most deserving people wouldn’t actually ask for the much needed food and that’s the problems we face in society. For example Parents going without food so they can feed/clothe their children but they wouldn’t dream of asking for hand outs "
Yes I agree.
I have worked in schools where we have had parents fainting in the playground because they have been skipping meals. |
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"So iv seen a post on a local FB group that has got me thinking.
So a woman put a post saying she had some food she wanted to give away.
A few people suggested a local food bank, the poster then stated she wanted to make sure it went to a deserving family so said she won't donate to a food bank incase a family that didn't deserve it was given the food.
So it got me thinking how do we decide who we think deserves and who doesn't and do you think this woman was right or do you think if we choose to give we should do so without judgement.
"
I think this post was more to highlight the fact she wanted to be seen to be giving.
Although, to give her the benefit of the doubt, it could be she is aware of her local foodbank system being abused. There are people who abuse the benefits system, not as many as the media make out, but it does happen.
I try not to judge anyone because you never know what someone is going through. If someone has a good job, buys an expensive house and lots of lovely things then loses their job they would still be stuck with paying a hefty mortgage and for all the lovely things they could previously afford. You can't just get rid of these assets that quickly so could be in a position where they look very well off but have very little disposal income for food.
Also, to comment on the visible or annonymous donation debate. I don't think that giving annonymously is better, giving is giving at the end of the day. I do wonder why people feel the need to advertise it though. |
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"Friends and family used to give me things they didn’t need as I sold on eBay and did car boot sales to save for holidays for me and my sons when I didn’t have a decent wage. They didn’t question that I had a good social life (although most probably knew many times I would take the car and buy I Diet Coke the whole night)
Moving in I have finished studying, got the big pay rise so I now split my ebay things and give a lot of things to charity shop as pay back.
With regards to the Facebook post- it is likely the most deserving people wouldn’t actually ask for the much needed food and that’s the problems we face in society. For example Parents going without food so they can feed/clothe their children but they wouldn’t dream of asking for hand outs
Yes I agree.
I have worked in schools where we have had parents fainting in the playground because they have been skipping meals. "
Yep and I've seen teachers take loaves of bread, butter and jam in to school every day to feed the children who haven't had breakfast.
There's shame attached to receiving charity which is what drives people to refuse it.
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"Popularity seeking like most of the posts on fb, if you really do care you would donate and not broadcast to others.
I don't buy into the idea that giving anonymously is somehow better or more caring.
No your right giving is giving but I think the its more to do with keeping ones ego in check.
It doesn't make the donation any less however large the ego.
Giving anonymously is so much better , it removes all the ulterior motives . No one needs to know what you give.
It does make the donation less, the biggest givers are always anonymous and it’s usually painful to them, I know from raising money for projects. The ones that do just giving pages and post on Facebook give a measly £10 or £20 and think they are a saviour, many people donate thousands every month by direct debit often no one knows. "
The amount a person gives remains the same though regardless of whether they say they've given it or not. The Bill and Melinda Gates foundation springs to mind.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ive actually just remembered something I saw a few years ago on a local help the homeless group.
It was a photo of the soup run, One woman commented as there was a lady in the queue who was carrying a marks and Spencers carrier bag.
The woman commented "if she can afford to shop in M&S she doesn't need free food"!
Iv got a Harrods carrier bag but iv never stepped inside the shop.
I think we all judge.
Years ago I had a friend who was in dire straits financially. I helped her out a fair bit but it used to bug me that she smoked and had takeaways sometimes. Then down the line a bit we were on very tough times and guess what? We didn't smoke but we did have a takeaway now and again . I think if you've been very poor you understand better maybe, I don't know."
May not be considered very Christian of me and I do understand no matter what we all need a little of enjoyment every now and again but, how financially desperate are you if you're still smoking?
It's not representative at all but I've only seen two couples come out of a local food bank, one couple immediately sparked up cigarettes and the second couple literally got in to a taxi. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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She sounds like an arsehole. Give if you want to give but give unconditionally, anyone who needs a food bank in this day and age is deserving. Wander what her criteria for "deserving" is? |
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"Ive actually just remembered something I saw a few years ago on a local help the homeless group.
It was a photo of the soup run, One woman commented as there was a lady in the queue who was carrying a marks and Spencers carrier bag.
The woman commented "if she can afford to shop in M&S she doesn't need free food"!
Iv got a Harrods carrier bag but iv never stepped inside the shop.
I think we all judge.
Years ago I had a friend who was in dire straits financially. I helped her out a fair bit but it used to bug me that she smoked and had takeaways sometimes. Then down the line a bit we were on very tough times and guess what? We didn't smoke but we did have a takeaway now and again . I think if you've been very poor you understand better maybe, I don't know.
May not be considered very Christian of me and I do understand no matter what we all need a little of enjoyment every now and again but, how financially desperate are you if you're still smoking?
It's not representative at all but I've only seen two couples come out of a local food bank, one couple immediately sparked up cigarettes and the second couple literally got in to a taxi."
Your experience of food banks tells you that 100% of the people you've seen using one smoke or pay for taxis. Not much anyone can do to alter your perception. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Ive actually just remembered something I saw a few years ago on a local help the homeless group.
It was a photo of the soup run, One woman commented as there was a lady in the queue who was carrying a marks and Spencers carrier bag.
The woman commented "if she can afford to shop in M&S she doesn't need free food"!
Iv got a Harrods carrier bag but iv never stepped inside the shop.
I think we all judge.
Years ago I had a friend who was in dire straits financially. I helped her out a fair bit but it used to bug me that she smoked and had takeaways sometimes. Then down the line a bit we were on very tough times and guess what? We didn't smoke but we did have a takeaway now and again . I think if you've been very poor you understand better maybe, I don't know.
May not be considered very Christian of me and I do understand no matter what we all need a little of enjoyment every now and again but, how financially desperate are you if you're still smoking?
It's not representative at all but I've only seen two couples come out of a local food bank, one couple immediately sparked up cigarettes and the second couple literally got in to a taxi."
I'm not gonna judge someone who has an addiction and all so sometimes agencies pay for people to get Taxi's home if they cannot get the donation back on public transport. And for all you know they could well have been picking up the parcel for somebody else do you see what I mean about judging because we just don't know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess its her donation her choice but I wouldn't put stipulations on it.
Much like I don't care if people flip free things on Facebook sites and make a profit on it. I saw no value in it and wanted rid. Of someone else takes that and makes money on it, good for them.
I also don't care what homeless people spend the money I give them on. "
yes. i regular pass homeless people on the way to the hq and i always come back with starbucks and food for them.
we have a brief chat about them etc sometimes they will just kick the coffee over and get funny but thats how it is.
its doesnt matter what they are now. still people given a chance could be something. as we climb the wealth ladder we forget how easy it is to lose everything.
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"So iv seen a post on a local FB group that has got me thinking.
So a woman put a post saying she had some food she wanted to give away.
A few people suggested a local food bank, the poster then stated she wanted to make sure it went to a deserving family so said she won't donate to a food bank incase a family that didn't deserve it was given the food.
So it got me thinking how do we decide who we think deserves and who doesn't and do you think this woman was right or do you think if we choose to give we should do so without judgement.
I think this post was more to highlight the fact she wanted to be seen to be giving.
Although, to give her the benefit of the doubt, it could be she is aware of her local foodbank system being abused. There are people who abuse the benefits system, not as many as the media make out, but it does happen.
I try not to judge anyone because you never know what someone is going through. If someone has a good job, buys an expensive house and lots of lovely things then loses their job they would still be stuck with paying a hefty mortgage and for all the lovely things they could previously afford. You can't just get rid of these assets that quickly so could be in a position where they look very well off but have very little disposal income for food.
Also, to comment on the visible or annonymous donation debate. I don't think that giving annonymously is better, giving is giving at the end of the day. I do wonder why people feel the need to advertise it though."
Definitely! My mum's a clinical manager in a hospital so has a pretty good job but when my parents divorced, she had to buy my dad out of the house and then pay the mortgage and bills herself. Obviously my dad paid maintenance and helped out extra where he could but he also had to fund his own living expenses. She was still supporting herself and me and my brother on much less than me and my partner earn now and even when you account for inflation and things, I honestly don't know how she did it as we couldn't afford two kids on our wages. Obviously she didn't want to move house because of me and my brother so ended up paying on her own what was previously paid for by two. I didn't know at the time as you don't tell your kids these things but she ended up in a fair bit of debt and her parents had to help her out. Thankfully she's in a great financial position now but looking back it must have been so stressful for her. |
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"So iv seen a post on a local FB group that has got me thinking.
So a woman put a post saying she had some food she wanted to give away.
A few people suggested a local food bank, the poster then stated she wanted to make sure it went to a deserving family so said she won't donate to a food bank incase a family that didn't deserve it was given the food.
So it got me thinking how do we decide who we think deserves and who doesn't and do you think this woman was right or do you think if we choose to give we should do so without judgement.
I think this post was more to highlight the fact she wanted to be seen to be giving.
Although, to give her the benefit of the doubt, it could be she is aware of her local foodbank system being abused. There are people who abuse the benefits system, not as many as the media make out, but it does happen.
I try not to judge anyone because you never know what someone is going through. If someone has a good job, buys an expensive house and lots of lovely things then loses their job they would still be stuck with paying a hefty mortgage and for all the lovely things they could previously afford. You can't just get rid of these assets that quickly so could be in a position where they look very well off but have very little disposal income for food.
Also, to comment on the visible or annonymous donation debate. I don't think that giving annonymously is better, giving is giving at the end of the day. I do wonder why people feel the need to advertise it though."
With regard to your last comment. Very few people give selflessly. Nearly everyone who contributes in some way to charity benefits from it even if it's just a warm glow from having given. If th perceived approval of other people is a person's aim they're clearly not going to achieve it though.
also how can I give anonymously if I volunteer in a charity shop or put money in a tin in the street? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The woman is free to give to who she feels deserves it more I guess. But in most cases, people are to busy to do the research that she is willing to do. Charities must have a means test, or so I would have thought. Either way well done to this woman for trying to ensure it goes to those most in need.
But thats my point how do we decide who needs it more and how do we decide who is deserving and who isn't?
What she wanted was a family to come forward and then how would she decide if they were deserving? if she wanted rid of the food then surely it wouldn't matter who it went to."
I get what you mean and what would she do if a few families came forward? How would she decide then I wonder? |
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The food bank system does get abused. I give the vouchers out, and I often have to say no to people. We need proof of hardship to give them out where I work, for example, something's broken like a cooker and the money is used on that instead, and some people thinks it's an easy way to free up cash for recreational activities like alcohol (in my experience). No judgement from me, but that's not why they are there.
I understand she may be trying to avoid this, or support a family who feel they aren't quite that "bad" and this might mean they'll have money to spend on a day out instead. Is it the right way to go about it? Maybe not. But that's her right.
It's such a difficult and emotive topic.
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I never judge someone who needs food. It's not my place in the world, at all. I'm there to support and advise. It's so bloody difficult though. I understand dependency's and addictions, I understand hardship. I'm not without bias, I'm only human.
I don't think I could decide who was 'worthy" mind. I don't think I'd want to in my personal life either. It's just not me.
I'd rather give to the food bank, take that off my mind! It would play on me for too long!
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