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Sexy chat before a social meet?
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
So, I am asking everybody how they feel about sex chat before a meet.
There is no right or wrong, I think - I am curious about whether people do or do not, whether they consider it appropriate or not before they have met the person?
Suppose you meet the person and think... oh no... I do not feel sexy about them? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I always meet within 2 weeks of first chatting for this reason. I don't do any sex chat until we have met in person and know if there is any mutual attraction.
I also don't do any sex chat on a first meet as I want to know how they react to that, and how they behave socially.
My phone is on silent... ooh just got a message, sorry I have to go! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So, I am asking everybody how they feel about sex chat before a meet.
There is no right or wrong, I think - I am curious about whether people do or do not, whether they consider it appropriate or not before they have met the person?
Suppose you meet the person and think... oh no... I do not feel sexy about them? "
It depends really...  |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I think it’s one thing to discuss sexual desires/likes/dislikes with someone you are chatting to and it’s quite another if all they have to converse about is sex. I think it’s all down to the way in which the sex chat is done, do I want to hear every day how you wish to do X,Y,Z to me or with me no I don’t however I am interested in what makes a person tick, there turn ons/offs a sexual maturity about someone is far more attractive than someone who appears to have a one track mind x |
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By *TK421-Man
over a year ago
Cheltenham |
I always thought it would be meet first then sexy chat.
But then I met someone yesterday who completely blew that idea out the water.
Very excited to meet her soon and hope the electricity is there in person.
I guess it's a case of 'read the room'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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my experience is.
dont.
because if you do you will have those that only want to chat. they will never meet even though the will call you hot etc and say they want too.
they never ever do. |
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I think sexy chat can be fun...especially if both are close enough to meet...are attracted physically...normal chat has gone well and both are sincere...i think sexy chat is much more fun that way... |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
There is no right or wrong, of course.
My personal stance is this:
I agree to meet a person because I like them and there is potential for a sexual encounter. (If those two conditions are not met, I would not meet them I guess).
Tbh for me sexy chatting about what they would like to do to me etc... for me is actually a bit of a turn off if it happens before we meet.
I see it as a foregone conclusion and assumption that we WILL be having sex at some point and I am not in that place of knowing whether I fancy them until I have met them?
Does that make sense? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There is no right or wrong, of course.
My personal stance is this:
I agree to meet a person because I like them and there is potential for a sexual encounter. (If those two conditions are not met, I would not meet them I guess).
Tbh for me sexy chatting about what they would like to do to me etc... for me is actually a bit of a turn off if it happens before we meet.
I see it as a foregone conclusion and assumption that we WILL be having sex at some point and I am not in that place of knowing whether I fancy them until I have met them?
Does that make sense? "
yes.
if you feel that you want sex with that person save everything for that moment.
you will have plenty of time to do them things. |
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I don't do it, I find it cringy. I suppose if all you are after is a fuck then it suits some people. It's one of the reasons, I always have a social meet first as there are zero expectations on both sides. |
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I'm not a fan of sexy chat full stop if I'm honest, I get bored of it very quickly and then start saying ridiculous things just to amuse myself  As the old adage goes, actions speak louder than words.
Having said that, I fully expect to have a conversation about likes/dislikes, boundaries etc as that would determine whether I want to meet them or not. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"There is no right or wrong, of course.
My personal stance is this:
I agree to meet a person because I like them and there is potential for a sexual encounter. (If those two conditions are not met, I would not meet them I guess).
Tbh for me sexy chatting about what they would like to do to me etc... for me is actually a bit of a turn off if it happens before we meet.
I see it as a foregone conclusion and assumption that we WILL be having sex at some point and I am not in that place of knowing whether I fancy them until I have met them?
Does that make sense?
yes.
if you feel that you want sex with that person save everything for that moment.
you will have plenty of time to do them things."
That is also another good point - about saving things for that moment if you fancy the person!  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I don't do it, I find it cringy. I suppose if all you are after is a fuck then it suits some people. It's one of the reasons, I always have a social meet first as there are zero expectations on both sides. "
That aligns with me - the "zero expectations" means nobody is disappointed and if the chemistry is there.. great! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"My sexy chat is like this “ooo I like your chest   ” that’s as sexy as it gets 
I like your chest. 
I like yours too see?!
Such a turn on
I know is it sexy time now? "
You guys are demonstrating how it should be done! We can all learn!! |
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"my experience is.
dont.
because if you do you will have those that only want to chat. they will never meet even though the will call you hot etc and say they want too.
they never ever do."
Exactly this |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
It depends really. For the most part no, I don't. But sometimes I get a bit carried away and dabble in it, especially if I've already met someone and know the chemistry is pretty much there. I like men masturbating over me and if I get to see a video that's a bonus but only if I'm attracted to them... so yes. Depends. |
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I'm not a huge fan of sexy chat with someone I've not met. That's mostly because I'm crap at sexting and end up sounding like a Borat outtake "so you like the sexy, yes? Very sexy your sex is. I'll sex you very much".
Not many blokes get much past a third message before giving up. |
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I’m so bad at sex chat it just makes me feel so awkward my husband is probably better than me.
We have chats about sex but it’s more like This is what we are into ? Rather than this is what we want to do to you. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Lily, Saffron and Mimi - I am really quite glad to hear that I am not the only one. I have been told (not on here but on a "proper" dating site that I had no sense of humour because a guy sent me a message as follows :
"Hi, as you live closeby, could you sort out my computer, do the hoovering and suck my cock next weekend?"
This was his initial message.
I replied:
Hi, do you think you could try and be a little bit more subtle in an opening message?
(Yes, I did add smiley to indicate I was not offended - just puzzled!)
He wrote back: "you have no sense of humour - utter timewaster"
Sigh... |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Entirely depends on what you sense between each other when first contacting. Emotionally intelligent people can sense what’s desired or not desired and communicate appropriately. "
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I don’t do it. Because it’s very easy to click with people that way via text then 90% of the time you feel nothing in person. So I’d rather not get peoples hopes up or waste time going down that road when for me it works out less than it succeeds. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Have only done so when initiated by other person. I imagine lots of men use it as wank fodder which understandably makes women wary. Perhaps some women do too but my experience was positive and genuine. |
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"Lily, Saffron and Mimi - I am really quite glad to hear that I am not the only one. I have been told (not on here but on a "proper" dating site that I had no sense of humour because a guy sent me a message as follows :
"Hi, as you live closeby, could you sort out my computer, do the hoovering and suck my cock next weekend?"
This was his initial message.
I replied:
Hi, do you think you could try and be a little bit more subtle in an opening message?
(Yes, I did add smiley to indicate I was not offended - just puzzled!)
He wrote back: "you have no sense of humour - utter timewaster"
Sigh..."
God forbid you wanting to have a normal conversation   |
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"Lily, Saffron and Mimi - I am really quite glad to hear that I am not the only one. I have been told (not on here but on a "proper" dating site that I had no sense of humour because a guy sent me a message as follows :
"Hi, as you live closeby, could you sort out my computer, do the hoovering and suck my cock next weekend?"
This was his initial message.
I replied:
Hi, do you think you could try and be a little bit more subtle in an opening message?
(Yes, I did add smiley to indicate I was not offended - just puzzled!)
He wrote back: "you have no sense of humour - utter timewaster"
Sigh..."
Sounds very familiar!! It’s a good filter though.. I have found that guys that push for that kind of conversation are largely fantasists rather than serious about meeting someone they like. When left to their own devices they blow themselves out and disappear. Im pretty sure for some folk talking dirty online is an actual hobby. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Lily, Saffron and Mimi - I am really quite glad to hear that I am not the only one. I have been told (not on here but on a "proper" dating site that I had no sense of humour because a guy sent me a message as follows :
"Hi, as you live closeby, could you sort out my computer, do the hoovering and suck my cock next weekend?"
This was his initial message.
I replied:
Hi, do you think you could try and be a little bit more subtle in an opening message?
(Yes, I did add smiley to indicate I was not offended - just puzzled!)
He wrote back: "you have no sense of humour - utter timewaster"
Sigh..."
Some men never get past the toddler stage. Lucky you found out early on and he didn't waste your time. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not something I partake in, I like to keep the bar low and keep expectations down, if I say I’m going to pound you all night long then I’m putting myself under undue pressure, if I say prepare to be mildly disappointed and I was passable then she’s going to go home with a spring in her step. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"They get cut off if they try it too soon tbh. It’s awkward and weird unless you know the person reasonably well (for us)…"
For me it feels weird to have a sexually themed chat with a stranger whom I have not yet met; I have in the past reversed my decision to meet based on that. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
Depends really. Mostly on how horny I am at the time.
If I’m feeling dirty then I’ll go in all guns blazing and then ask for a wank video of them cumming etc.
Other times I just can’t be arsed.
I find long ping pong sexting more frustrating than anything, and I do prefer to meet first then sext after that between meets, I can then imagine them reacting which is more of a turn on as I’ve seen them aroused and how they react.
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I am the worst person ever to sexy chat with. I'm an instant mood killer lol. I'm far too literal, so if someone said I'm going to xyz and I don't think it's possible I'll say so. I'm just not very good at fantasy |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
Happy to talk about preferences or what they'd like to do etc.
If they start fantasising about our meet or want to cyber me, it can make me feel uncomfortable because they may be adding too much with their imagination and I may not live up to expectations. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
"I am the worst person ever to sexy chat with. I'm an instant mood killer lol. I'm far too literal, so if someone said I'm going to xyz and I don't think it's possible I'll say so. I'm just not very good at fantasy"
Guilty of this, too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"There is no right or wrong, of course.
My personal stance is this:
I agree to meet a person because I like them and there is potential for a sexual encounter. (If those two conditions are not met, I would not meet them I guess).
Tbh for me sexy chatting about what they would like to do to me etc... for me is actually a bit of a turn off if it happens before we meet.
I see it as a foregone conclusion and assumption that we WILL be having sex at some point and I am not in that place of knowing whether I fancy them until I have met them?
Does that make sense?
yes.
if you feel that you want sex with that person save everything for that moment.
you will have plenty of time to do them things.
That is also another good point - about saving things for that moment if you fancy the person! "
same with seeing too many pictures of a person.
its nice they send them, just lately ive had the feeling that too much and you have nothing to discover.
so now when in communication i send face pic only. anything else they need is on the profile. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Spend 4 weeks chatting about the weather or forums to discover 1 of you wants sex miles more than the other
Not compatible, could I have my 4 weeks back ?
Can I fuck lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't do it, I find it cringy. I suppose if all you are after is a fuck then it suits some people. It's one of the reasons, I always have a social meet first as there are zero expectations on both sides. "
Someone could be after more than a fuck and still be talking about fucking |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Spend 4 weeks chatting about the weather or forums to discover 1 of you wants sex miles more than the other
Not compatible, could I have my 4 weeks back ?
Can I fuck lol"
The beauty of this site is that we can choose what we like and find the people that match us in our needs. For some it is straight to sex talk, which others find too forward.
I agree it takes a bit of time to get to know a person but for me personally that is not wasted time. I would see it as wasted time if I had travelled to meet and found I dont fancy them. I would not get that evening back
Each to their own. No right or wrong. |
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