When it comes to love, why do some people fear it and refuse to find love?
It could be down to past experiences from failed relationships caused by heartbreak and the individual is afraid to find a new relationship because they either fear having their heartbroken again or fear screwing it up again.
What do you think? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would say that everyone is different and that is why finding a partner who feels the same way is very difficult.
When someone tries to make that connection happen it is usually the cause of where things go wrong.
That leads to a reluctance to trust.
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"I would say that everyone is different and that is why finding a partner who feels the same way is very difficult.
When someone tries to make that connection happen it is usually the cause of where things go wrong.
That leads to a reluctance to trust.
"
True. It can be difficult for the individual to trust someone if they've been lied to and cheated on in the past. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love the idea of love. I love feeling in love, but yeah I feel also a bit jaded from past relationships that failed and also seeing my parents divorcing (tho they stayed friends so still beautiful) didn’t help.
I guess I am more of a realist and think that every story has Its beginning and its end (longer or shorter that it may be) and a lot of the times, the pain that you go through when breaking up can be scary. So you think, well what’s the point of it all then?
But then I sit back and think, even if every story has a shelf life, I should cherish every memory and moment I have with that person.
As said I love feeling in love, but then I think.. I hate when your heart breaks. So yeah x x CONFLICTED
I posted something yesterday about how I’m currently feeling a bit jealous of couples doing couple things and how they look so happy together.. I just want to have a guy to hold my hand outside. Is it too much to ask? Ahha x  |
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"I love the idea of love. I love feeling in love, but yeah I feel also a bit jaded from past relationships that failed and also seeing my parents divorcing (tho they stayed friends so still beautiful) didn’t help.
I guess I am more of a realist and think that every story has Its beginning and its end (longer or shorter that it may be) and a lot of the times, the pain that you go through when breaking up can be scary. So you think, well what’s the point of it all then?
But then I sit back and think, even if every story has a shelf life, I should cherish every memory and moment I have with that person.
As said I love feeling in love, but then I think.. I hate when your heart breaks. So yeah x x CONFLICTED
I posted something yesterday about how I’m currently feeling a bit jealous of couples doing couple things and how they look so happy together.. I just want to have a guy to hold my hand outside. Is it too much to ask? Ahha x "
I'd be lying if I said I had never been jealous or envious of couples. I stopped doing it as all it does is make me feel negative about myself which isn't good.
As for the memories when with someone, as much as how nice it is cherishing each moment with that person, there are a few people from past relationships that I would rather forget. |
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Among my friends who are single one is reluctant to commit to anybody, as soon as a relationship looks as if it will become serious they back off. A lot of it is because her parents have huge influence on her life and often sow doubt in her mind about the person and some of it is because she doesn't like anyone getting too close. Another deliberately (it seems to me) sets his sights on women who are never going to be available to him and avoids any possibility of actually meeting someone. His parents also play a large part in his life. They're both in their mid fifties.
I don't think either of them are scared of love, I think they're scared of the responsibility for the other person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When it comes to love, why do some people fear it and refuse to find love?
It could be down to past experiences from failed relationships caused by heartbreak and the individual is afraid to find a new relationship because they either fear having their heartbroken again or fear screwing it up again.
What do you think?"
Because I’m truly happy as I am, why would I want to risk that? If I was unhappy or lacking, sure, but it’s not worth the risk to me  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I don't think you can refuse to "find" love but you can refuse to accept it - and that's mainly because you can't "find" love, more it finds you.
Love can creep up on you unawares and take you by surprise and you then have the choice to accept it or move away from it, but it's a feeling you can't control.
Sure you can avoid putting yourself in situations where it finds you - or back away from them when it does, or starts to blossom - and the reasons for that are probably as individual as the people concerned. |
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I didn't want love from one individual I was happy just being numb to it. My dad withdrew his when I was a teenager and I didn't want anyone having the power to devastate my life in that way again. So I built walls and didn't let anyone in.
I did however, revel in the love in my group of friends as a collective that to me felt safe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think you can refuse to "find" love but you can refuse to accept it - and that's mainly because you can't "find" love, more it finds you.
Love can creep up on you unawares and take you by surprise and you then have the choice to accept it or move away from it, but it's a feeling you can't control.
Sure you can avoid putting yourself in situations where it finds you - or back away from them when it does, or starts to blossom - and the reasons for that are probably as individual as the people concerned."
I refuse to find it!
I went to a psychic once who seemed to know absolutely every detail, even my dogs name, so I was freaked out!
She told me I was going to go on holiday and meet the love of my life and fall head over heels.
I shit myself! I don’t want that, I thought.
I was going on holiday two weeks later to Greece.
The whole time, I didn’t even make eye contact with a man, I darent! I wouldn’t even speak to a guy if they came over and I liked the look of them, not a chance.
Spent the whole holiday running away from men because of this bloody psychic haha |
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So for me, it comes down to past experiences and an unwillingness to put everything I have at risk again. After my last serious relationship (6 years), I lost a lot and had to build my life almost from scratch again. Now I’m back on the right career path, I own property, have my horses, dog and good friends and family. I find that being in a relationship compromises all of that and having lost it all once, I’m simply not prepared to do it again.
I always say to my friends that I’m not against falling in love, but for me it would have to be something spectacular - that complete and utter true love that is undeniable and impossible to walk away from. I’ve never had that before and I do wonder if it even exists!
So I’ve built a very happy, comfortable life without reliance on anyone else - I believe we’re in control of making our own happiness and I’m proud of what I’ve achieved and the life I have now. Something very special would have to happen for me to change that now. |
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"Some people are just crap at relationships like me, it's not that I wouldn't like one I would, but I'm terrible at them and never seem to get it right. "
I know that feeling. I mostly end up afraid of screwing it up and in the end, I do screw it up. |
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"Because it's always 1 sided, one always loves more than the other."
Very true. I would give a lot of love and affection and my partners would dump me because they either got bored, felt suffocated or want something I'm not ready for. |
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"I think nearly everyone wants to love and be loved. It doesn't have to be in a romantic relationship though"
So true!
I have a life that is brim full of love. I'm not cut out for relationships but that doesn't mean I'm not loved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When it comes to love, why do some people fear it and refuse to find love?
It could be down to past experiences from failed relationships caused by heartbreak and the individual is afraid to find a new relationship because they either fear having their heartbroken again or fear screwing it up again.
What do you think?"
It could be loads of reasons I guess. Maybe realising that not everyone is meant to find love? Or that love from Mates Is enough so you can concentrate on other things in life |
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"I think nearly everyone wants to love and be loved. It doesn't have to be in a romantic relationship though
So true!
I have a life that is brim full of love. I'm not cut out for relationships but that doesn't mean I'm not loved."
I agree. I know I'm loved by my family and friends and have always had great times and made amazing memories with them. |
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By *opsy71Woman
over a year ago
Sheffield |
"Some people are just crap at relationships like me, it's not that I wouldn't like one I would, but I'm terrible at them and never seem to get it right.
I know that feeling. I mostly end up afraid of screwing it up and in the end, I do screw it up."
Oh good, glad it's not just me then  |
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"Some people are just crap at relationships like me, it's not that I wouldn't like one I would, but I'm terrible at them and never seem to get it right.
I know that feeling. I mostly end up afraid of screwing it up and in the end, I do screw it up.
Oh good, glad it's not just me then "
Yeah. I'm sure we're not the only ones that are afraid of screwing up in relationships. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think love is very very misunderstood by everyone not just the majority or the minority
Statistics probably back me up  "
Myself included but cue the experts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I completely understand why people fear and avoid love. It's a beautiful thing but it can break you. And once you've been truly broken it's not easy to open yourself back up to that possible pain again.
I read a quote once that said "those who are heartless once cared too much." |
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The issue I have with “love” is that it is viewed as a singular emotion. And it’s not, it is a composite of other emotions. As a composite it is intangible and hard to define, but once you break it down into its component parts e.g. desire, empathy, need, security, fear, strength, compassion, generosity etc. then it starts to make sense, when love becomes toxic or diminishes we look for the answer in the composite, but the reality is that one of its components is the cause and now conflicts with the other components.
So I avoid love because it’s an emotional soup that rarely tastes good when cold. |
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