FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Cheating
Cheating
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s not acceptable
There are a lot of people on here who think it is.
Wonder if the roles were reversed would they find it so funny then."
I know and I wonder that as well hence why it’s a question I ask when a guy posts wife on the way home or something
I always ask is it fair game if she’s on the way home from another guys house yet to get a response to it lol |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Thanks to dating apps it’s never been easier, especially for women, to cheat with little risk.
I think dating apps also contribute to that “there’s something better a swipe away” mentality. There no loyalty anymore. It’s also inflated many peoples egos. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
My take is that the reason people take such a dim view is because our society has made them/us feel that way. From a human pov, we don't stop being sexually attracted to other people just because we're in a relationship with someone.
I agree though that it has to work both ways |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My take is that the reason people take such a dim view is because our society has made them/us feel that way. From a human pov, we don't stop being sexually attracted to other people just because we're in a relationship with someone.
I agree though that it has to work both ways"
If someone decides that they want to play around with others, do their partners not deserve to have the same choice as to whether that cheating is acceptable or not.
It is totally disrespectful and dishonest we all know that.
Yet most cheats take offence when you tell them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My take is that the reason people take such a dim view is because our society has made them/us feel that way. From a human pov, we don't stop being sexually attracted to other people just because we're in a relationship with someone.
I agree though that it has to work both ways
If someone decides that they want to play around with others, do their partners not deserve to have the same choice as to whether that cheating is acceptable or not.
It is totally disrespectful and dishonest we all know that.
Yet most cheats take offence when you tell them."
Yes, in an ideal world, there would be transparency and agreement from both people on what are the terms of the relationship. With a clause to say neither know how they're going to feel in 10 years time |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My take is that the reason people take such a dim view is because our society has made them/us feel that way. From a human pov, we don't stop being sexually attracted to other people just because we're in a relationship with someone.
I agree though that it has to work both ways
If someone decides that they want to play around with others, do their partners not deserve to have the same choice as to whether that cheating is acceptable or not.
It is totally disrespectful and dishonest we all know that.
Yet most cheats take offence when you tell them.
Yes, in an ideal world, there would be transparency and agreement from both people on what are the terms of the relationship. With a clause to say neither know how they're going to feel in 10 years time"
So is your partner aware? If not, why?
Of course, you don't have to answer that question if you choose not to. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked "
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My take is that the reason people take such a dim view is because our society has made them/us feel that way. From a human pov, we don't stop being sexually attracted to other people just because we're in a relationship with someone.
I agree though that it has to work both ways
If someone decides that they want to play around with others, do their partners not deserve to have the same choice as to whether that cheating is acceptable or not.
It is totally disrespectful and dishonest we all know that.
Yet most cheats take offence when you tell them.
Yes, in an ideal world, there would be transparency and agreement from both people on what are the terms of the relationship. With a clause to say neither know how they're going to feel in 10 years time
So is your partner aware? If not, why?
Of course, you don't have to answer that question if you choose not to."
No, she doesn't know. I keep it secret because I don't want to take the risk of causing any hurt. There is a chance she'd be ok with it. And yes, if it was the other way round, I would accept it and be happy for her to have that freedom |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Being cheated on after a 20 year relationship / marriage broke me & our kids suffered too. I had severe trust issues for some time after. I know all relationships are different but I’ll never understand why people risk losing everything
J x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
"
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few "
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating "
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"My take is that the reason people take such a dim view is because our society has made them/us feel that way. From a human pov, we don't stop being sexually attracted to other people just because we're in a relationship with someone.
I agree though that it has to work both ways
If someone decides that they want to play around with others, do their partners not deserve to have the same choice as to whether that cheating is acceptable or not.
It is totally disrespectful and dishonest we all know that.
Yet most cheats take offence when you tell them.
Yes, in an ideal world, there would be transparency and agreement from both people on what are the terms of the relationship. With a clause to say neither know how they're going to feel in 10 years time
So is your partner aware? If not, why?
Of course, you don't have to answer that question if you choose not to.
No, she doesn't know. I keep it secret because I don't want to take the risk of causing any hurt. There is a chance she'd be ok with it. And yes, if it was the other way round, I would accept it and be happy for her to have that freedom "
What about the chance that she might ask you to leave?
Are you actually trying to protect her or yourself?
Silly question I know, but if you are that concerned for her, why do it?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts "
Doesn't the blame lie with the person that actually does the cheating?
There are always reasons behind it we know, but we all also know where the blame normally lies.
A lot of cheats think that they can have their sweet family life, and cheat as well. Totally wrong. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts "
Or they could leave and find an amicable solution before lying to the person that they claim to care about.
It sounds like cowardice to me, the only person to blame is themselves |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts
Doesn't the blame lie with the person that actually does the cheating?
There are always reasons behind it we know, but we all also know where the blame normally lies.
A lot of cheats think that they can have their sweet family life, and cheat as well. Totally wrong."
My viewpoint is more from a guy that’s fallen out of love, wants a divorce, but knows he’ll get the shit end of the deal in the courts. So he choosing to cheat instead. The divorce laws in the UK are extremely unfair, so can you blame him |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts "
Not every divorce gets dragged through the Court. We did our own divorce & agreed everything in advance. I think he got a bloody deal all things considered!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts
Not every divorce gets dragged through the Court. We did our own divorce & agreed everything in advance. I think he got a bloody deal all things considered!!"
But some do? Si you can understand why some choose to cheat |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *batMan
over a year ago
Alicante, Spain. (Sometimes in Wales) |
"Question though, where in society has it become ok to cheat?
In sport? At work?"
Sport, for sure. Just look at all those footballers taking a dive.
Politics. There seems to be little honour or ethics from many of them.
Cheating in relationships. It's always gone on and I guess it always will. That doesn't make it okay, but it's a reality.
Work? I suppose it depends. But I know of lots of people who slept on a night shift, took more credit for the success of a group project than they deserved, claimed overtime that wasn't't really necessary, took longer lunches, and more.
It's a common human behaviour, just not a very nice human behaviour.
Gbat |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts
Doesn't the blame lie with the person that actually does the cheating?
There are always reasons behind it we know, but we all also know where the blame normally lies.
A lot of cheats think that they can have their sweet family life, and cheat as well. Totally wrong.
My viewpoint is more from a guy that’s fallen out of love, wants a divorce, but knows he’ll get the shit end of the deal in the courts. So he choosing to cheat instead. The divorce laws in the UK are extremely unfair, so can you blame him "
We have lots of friends who have divorced amicably. The courts get involved if you cannot be amicable.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts
Not every divorce gets dragged through the Court. We did our own divorce & agreed everything in advance. I think he got a bloody deal all things considered!!
But some do? Si you can understand why some choose to cheat "
No, I honestly can’t!! Whilst it was as amicable as possible (purely to save money & because I work with Solicitors who could check over the paperwork) he lost friends & some family. His youngest child has no respect for him & spends as little time with him as possible. The eldest needed therapy. To this day, I have no idea why he did it apart from he could because he often worked away from home.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts
Not every divorce gets dragged through the Court. We did our own divorce & agreed everything in advance. I think he got a bloody deal all things considered!!
But some do? Si you can understand why some choose to cheat "
Of course some have been dragged through the courts. An example would be if a cheating rat got caught.
Then he/she deserved everything that they got. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts
Not every divorce gets dragged through the Court. We did our own divorce & agreed everything in advance. I think he got a bloody deal all things considered!!
But some do? Si you can understand why some choose to cheat
No, I honestly can’t!! Whilst it was as amicable as possible (purely to save money & because I work with Solicitors who could check over the paperwork) he lost friends & some family. His youngest child has no respect for him & spends as little time with him as possible. The eldest needed therapy. To this day, I have no idea why he did it apart from he could because he often worked away from home.
"
We have ex friends just the same.
We say ex because we cannot respect or be friends with some cheating scum. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Nobody, absolutely nobody knows what goes on in other people's relationships. I'm not an advocate of infidelity by any means but cheating a person can be more than meeting others for sex. Does anyone ever ask "is it ok to deny my partner, affection, intimacy and physical closeness while expecting sexual fidelity from them?" |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Nobody, absolutely nobody knows what goes on in other people's relationships. I'm not an advocate of infidelity by any means but cheating a person can be more than meeting others for sex. Does anyone ever ask "is it ok to deny my partner, affection, intimacy and physical closeness while expecting sexual fidelity from them?""
Agree totally.
The only answer in our humble opinion?
Talk.
The result will always be the right result, whatever it might be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I try and only play with attached/married men as we both know its only all about the sex and friendship
What they do is on them nothing to do with me."
Each to their own. Dishonesty is a choice thing.
We do not even have dishonest friends.
Dishonest people just cannot be trusted. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Nobody, absolutely nobody knows what goes on in other people's relationships. I'm not an advocate of infidelity by any means but cheating a person can be more than meeting others for sex. Does anyone ever ask "is it ok to deny my partner, affection, intimacy and physical closeness while expecting sexual fidelity from them?"
Agree totally.
The only answer in our humble opinion?
Talk.
The result will always be the right result, whatever it might be"
Great if both people are happy to talk honestly. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I try and only play with attached/married men as we both know its only all about the sex and friendship
What they do is on them nothing to do with me.
Each to their own. Dishonesty is a choice thing.
We do not even have dishonest friends.
Dishonest people just cannot be trusted."
Hiw do you know if people are honest? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I try and only play with attached/married men as we both know its only all about the sex and friendship
What they do is on them nothing to do with me.
Each to their own. Dishonesty is a choice thing.
We do not even have dishonest friends.
Dishonest people just cannot be trusted.
Hiw do you know if people are honest? "
In our experience they always show their true colours. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I try and only play with attached/married men as we both know its only all about the sex and friendship
What they do is on them nothing to do with me.
Each to their own. Dishonesty is a choice thing.
We do not even have dishonest friends.
Dishonest people just cannot be trusted.
Hiw do you know if people are honest?
In our experience they always show their true colours."
Is it just dishonesty as far as cheating on their spouse is concerned that worries you?
I think I'd find it difficult to be friends with both partners if one cheated on the other.
I'm not sure how I'd feel if I discovered my friends husband had been dishonest on his tax return for instance.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I try and only play with attached/married men as we both know its only all about the sex and friendship
What they do is on them nothing to do with me.
Each to their own. Dishonesty is a choice thing.
We do not even have dishonest friends.
Dishonest people just cannot be trusted.
Hiw do you know if people are honest?
In our experience they always show their true colours.
Is it just dishonesty as far as cheating on their spouse is concerned that worries you?
I think I'd find it difficult to be friends with both partners if one cheated on the other.
I'm not sure how I'd feel if I discovered my friends husband had been dishonest on his tax return for instance.
"
There are different levels of dishonesty we totally agree. Cheating on loved ones is up there-after all, if they are loved ones, why cheat on them!
Cheating the system? Well we all know that the system isn't perfect nor is it always fair.
The cheating against loved ones is definitely where we see it as a point of no return.
We knew a prolific cheat once. We were loyal to him when his wife left him although he was, and still is a cheat.
We distanced ourselves from the ex-wife, a good friend to us.
Now? The dishonest guy we were loyal to hardly sees us now. He has other 'friends' now.
We should have backed the honest horse, not the dishonest one. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm not sure if it's anymore acceptable or less than what it was before but I do often wonder if the terminology should be changed.
For me it's about consent. If you are in an exclusive relationship then both have agreed consent to have sex with each other on these terms.
As soon as someone has sex with someone else that isn't part of the original relationships terms, then if they go back to having sex with their partner they are now doing so without consent. That clearly puts it into another category. Extreme I know, but a common feeling from most of those who have been cheated on is the uncleanness associated with being violated and having their choice taken away.
If it was viewed this way, then perhaps conversations would open up in relationships about what is going wrong and either move on, fix it, or compromise on the terms.
Having sex with someone else and then carrying on with the same partner without their knowledge isn't consensual. Thoughts? Elle x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm not sure if it's anymore acceptable or less than what it was before but I do often wonder if the terminology should be changed.
For me it's about consent. If you are in an exclusive relationship then both have agreed consent to have sex with each other on these terms.
As soon as someone has sex with someone else that isn't part of the original relationships terms, then if they go back to having sex with their partner they are now doing so without consent. That clearly puts it into another category. Extreme I know, but a common feeling from most of those who have been cheated on is the uncleanness associated with being violated and having their choice taken away.
If it was viewed this way, then perhaps conversations would open up in relationships about what is going wrong and either move on, fix it, or compromise on the terms.
Having sex with someone else and then carrying on with the same partner without their knowledge isn't consensual. Thoughts? Elle x"
If you start viewing sex as part of the terms of a relationship I think you're opening up a huge can of worms. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm not sure if it's anymore acceptable or less than what it was before but I do often wonder if the terminology should be changed.
For me it's about consent. If you are in an exclusive relationship then both have agreed consent to have sex with each other on these terms.
As soon as someone has sex with someone else that isn't part of the original relationships terms, then if they go back to having sex with their partner they are now doing so without consent. That clearly puts it into another category. Extreme I know, but a common feeling from most of those who have been cheated on is the uncleanness associated with being violated and having their choice taken away.
If it was viewed this way, then perhaps conversations would open up in relationships about what is going wrong and either move on, fix it, or compromise on the terms.
Having sex with someone else and then carrying on with the same partner without their knowledge isn't consensual. Thoughts? Elle x
If you start viewing sex as part of the terms of a relationship I think you're opening up a huge can of worms. "
They already are, couples talk about fetishes, fantasies, monogomy, if they're going to have children/not have children,marriage, where they want to live and it's from all this a relationship continues on shared values/aspirations or not - verbal contracts are drawn up between couples all the time. The terminology Terms and Contracts is a bit formal but sums up the meaning succinctly. Elle x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't think it's become acceptable. I think sadly its just always been fairly common.
Me too. Even as teenagers it was common knowledge who the cheaters were in our friendship group."
University was an eye opening experience for me. You all know each others business due to shared houses. So many people cheating on each other, sometimes both partners cheating. Some of those couples are married now. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Also I’d argue that there’s certain points within a marriage where it’s totally acceptable to cheat because the divorce laws in this country are fucked
Cheating is disrespectful sand dishonest.
Cannot figure for the life of me why someone would choose to treat their life partner that way
Fucked child custody laws + unreasonable child support/spousal support
Just to name a few
Are they and is it?
Speaking as someone who has experienced both, I still maintain that cheating isn’t the better option.
I’d posit that people suffer the rough end of these things because they cheated, not as justification for cheating
If divorce means potentially losing custody of your kids and an unfair financial situation can you blame them for cheating. Blame the courts
Not every divorce gets dragged through the Court. We did our own divorce & agreed everything in advance. I think he got a bloody deal all things considered!!
But some do? Si you can understand why some choose to cheat "
Sorry I don’t! Surely being caught cheating will be all the ammo she will need in a court case! Especially if she discovers you’re on here! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I'm not sure if it's anymore acceptable or less than what it was before but I do often wonder if the terminology should be changed.
For me it's about consent. If you are in an exclusive relationship then both have agreed consent to have sex with each other on these terms.
As soon as someone has sex with someone else that isn't part of the original relationships terms, then if they go back to having sex with their partner they are now doing so without consent. That clearly puts it into another category. Extreme I know, but a common feeling from most of those who have been cheated on is the uncleanness associated with being violated and having their choice taken away.
If it was viewed this way, then perhaps conversations would open up in relationships about what is going wrong and either move on, fix it, or compromise on the terms.
Having sex with someone else and then carrying on with the same partner without their knowledge isn't consensual. Thoughts? Elle x
If you start viewing sex as part of the terms of a relationship I think you're opening up a huge can of worms.
They already are, couples talk about fetishes, fantasies, monogomy, if they're going to have children/not have children,marriage, where they want to live and it's from all this a relationship continues on shared values/aspirations or not - verbal contracts are drawn up between couples all the time. The terminology Terms and Contracts is a bit formal but sums up the meaning succinctly. Elle x"
You would be amazed at how many people commit to long term relationships having discussed no more than the venue of the wedding and what colour the groomsmens ties will be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I don't think it's become acceptable. I think sadly its just always been fairly common.
Me too. Even as teenagers it was common knowledge who the cheaters were in our friendship group.
University was an eye opening experience for me. You all know each others business due to shared houses. So many people cheating on each other, sometimes both partners cheating. Some of those couples are married now. "
Yep. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm not sure if it's anymore acceptable or less than what it was before but I do often wonder if the terminology should be changed.
For me it's about consent. If you are in an exclusive relationship then both have agreed consent to have sex with each other on these terms.
As soon as someone has sex with someone else that isn't part of the original relationships terms, then if they go back to having sex with their partner they are now doing so without consent. That clearly puts it into another category. Extreme I know, but a common feeling from most of those who have been cheated on is the uncleanness associated with being violated and having their choice taken away.
If it was viewed this way, then perhaps conversations would open up in relationships about what is going wrong and either move on, fix it, or compromise on the terms.
Having sex with someone else and then carrying on with the same partner without their knowledge isn't consensual. Thoughts? Elle x
If you start viewing sex as part of the terms of a relationship I think you're opening up a huge can of worms.
They already are, couples talk about fetishes, fantasies, monogomy, if they're going to have children/not have children,marriage, where they want to live and it's from all this a relationship continues on shared values/aspirations or not - verbal contracts are drawn up between couples all the time. The terminology Terms and Contracts is a bit formal but sums up the meaning succinctly. Elle x
You would be amazed at how many people commit to long term relationships having discussed no more than the venue of the wedding and what colour the groomsmens ties will be"
Haha nope, I wouldn't  Elle x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
For me it's about consent. If you are in an exclusive relationship then both have agreed consent to have sex with each other on these terms.
As soon as someone has sex with someone else that isn't part of the original relationships terms, then if they go back to having sex with their partner they are now doing so without consent. That clearly puts it into another category. Extreme I know, but a common feeling from most of those who have been cheated on is the uncleanness associated with being violated and having their choice taken away.
If it was viewed this way, then perhaps conversations would open up in relationships about what is going wrong and either move on, fix it, or compromise on the terms.
Having sex with someone else and then carrying on with the same partner without their knowledge isn't consensual. Thoughts? Elle x"
But then that would only be 'consent' (in this context) in an exclusive relationship if both parties have talked about it and agreed to use those terms and conditions before it becomes an exclusive relationship.
Cheating on a partner in a relationship is a moral issue (and morality fluctuates). Yes in an ideal world it wouldn't happen and everyone would talk about it beforehand. But we don't live in an ideal world.
You could argue that societal 'enforced' monogamy is immoral and not a 'natural' state to have to conform to.
There are many reasons why someone may cheat (and it doesn't mean they love their partner any less) and why that person may not feel able to talk about it (ie a person who is bi but not comfortable being open about it, having a fetish, some mental health issues, opportunity, alcohol ...).
How each person reacts to someone who is cheating is decided by their personal 'moral code' (and the perceived 'morals' of society) - but it is neither 'right' nor 'wrong' in an absolute sense (unless you believe morals are somehow hardcoded somehow and are inviolable). |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Has cheating and lying to your partner become the norm now?
When did this become so acceptable?
"
Its human behaviour. They believe what they stand to gain is worth more than what they stand to lose multiplied by the chance of getting caught.
Mb + Pb (Ocm + Ocp) x (Pa x Pc)
Mb + Pb – what do I stand to gain from committing the crime… monetary or psychological benefits?
Ocm + Ocp – what do I stand to lose if I get caught? My freedom, and how much time do I have to invest?
Pa Pc – what are the chances that I will get caught and convicted? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
For me it's about consent. If you are in an exclusive relationship then both have agreed consent to have sex with each other on these terms.
As soon as someone has sex with someone else that isn't part of the original relationships terms, then if they go back to having sex with their partner they are now doing so without consent. That clearly puts it into another category. Extreme I know, but a common feeling from most of those who have been cheated on is the uncleanness associated with being violated and having their choice taken away.
If it was viewed this way, then perhaps conversations would open up in relationships about what is going wrong and either move on, fix it, or compromise on the terms.
Having sex with someone else and then carrying on with the same partner without their knowledge isn't consensual. Thoughts? Elle x
But then that would only be 'consent' (in this context) in an exclusive relationship if both parties have talked about it and agreed to use those terms and conditions before it becomes an exclusive relationship.
Cheating on a partner in a relationship is a moral issue (and morality fluctuates). Yes in an ideal world it wouldn't happen and everyone would talk about it beforehand. But we don't live in an ideal world.
You could argue that societal 'enforced' monogamy is immoral and not a 'natural' state to have to conform to.
There are many reasons why someone may cheat (and it doesn't mean they love their partner any less) and why that person may not feel able to talk about it (ie a person who is bi but not comfortable being open about it, having a fetish, some mental health issues, opportunity, alcohol ...).
How each person reacts to someone who is cheating is decided by their personal 'moral code' (and the perceived 'morals' of society) - but it is neither 'right' nor 'wrong' in an absolute sense (unless you believe morals are somehow hardcoded somehow and are inviolable)."
Monogomy is a choice and what some people need to feel emotionally secure. There is no requirement these days to be monogamous, society has moved on. Its the moral courage of the individual not society which determines how much of each others needs get met in a relationship and how honest they choose to be |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
