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Are we to late for cocktails and cheeky banter
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"Can I have an iced water please 
No! You'll have a JD and and like it  oy who rattled your cage was you bared last night or reinstated  "
You said I could come back in due to my excellent karaoke skills |
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"Pint of absinthe please barman.. and one for yourself.cheers my friend only you and me at the moment fancy a game of darts 
Topless of coursesteady "
he means double top is not allowed, unless it's from the top shelf |
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"Can I have an iced water please
No! You'll have a JD and and like it oy who rattled your cage was you bared last night or reinstated
You said I could come back in due to my excellent karaoke skills "
can't remember give you benefit of doubt |
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"Pint of absinthe please barman.. and one for yourself.cheers my friend only you and me at the moment fancy a game of darts
Topless of coursesteady
he means double top is not allowed, unless it's from the top shelf"
calm down calm down |
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"Just poured a pint of Amstel from the draft pump.stay your side of the bar please or you may have a problem
*necks Amstel, destroys evidence*
Another Amstel, please.  "
steady sir you are getting giddy |
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"Just poured a pint of Amstel from the draft pump.stay your side of the bar please or you may have a problem
*necks Amstel, destroys evidence*
Another Amstel, please. steady sir you are getting giddy "
I'm ferfectly pine. Have you any scampi fries back there? |
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"Just poured a pint of Amstel from the draft pump.stay your side of the bar please or you may have a problem
*necks Amstel, destroys evidence*
Another Amstel, please. steady sir you are getting giddy
I'm ferfectly pine. Have you any scampi fries back there?"
pork scratchings deluxe still got hair on them |
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"Just poured a pint of Amstel from the draft pump.stay your side of the bar please or you may have a problem
*necks Amstel, destroys evidence*
Another Amstel, please. steady sir you are getting giddy
I'm ferfectly pine. Have you any scampi fries back there?pork scratchings deluxe still got hair on them "
Oooo, a pack of your finest toe nails, please. |
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"Just poured a pint of Amstel from the draft pump.stay your side of the bar please or you may have a problem
*necks Amstel, destroys evidence*
Another Amstel, please. steady sir you are getting giddy
I'm ferfectly pine. Have you any scampi fries back there?pork scratchings deluxe still got hair on them
Oooo, a pack of your finest toe nails, please."
No problem sir the toenails are clean I have checked |
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"OK make it a double JD
You know it makes sense Sparkle
I saw the error of my ways. Just make sure I get home ok....I woke up in a bush this morning "
I'll make sure I get you home safe and sound
Do you mind if I wake up in your bush though  |
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"OK make it a double JD
You know it makes sense Sparkle
I saw the error of my ways. Just make sure I get home ok....I woke up in a bush this morning "
take charge madam what with 12 kids tut tut fancy another xx |
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"OK make it a double JD
You know it makes sense Sparkle
I saw the error of my ways. Just make sure I get home ok....I woke up in a bush this morning take charge madam what with 12 kids tut tut fancy another xx "
Oh go on.... |
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"OK make it a double JD
You know it makes sense Sparkle
I saw the error of my ways. Just make sure I get home ok....I woke up in a bush this morning take charge madam what with 12 kids tut tut fancy another xx
Oh go on...."
madam it will be my pleasure xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Babycham for the boys, a pint for me....
Thank You  I beg your pardon madam this is an upmarket establishment they can have cinzano and lemonade xx "
...or Pernod and black  |
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"OK make it a double JD
You know it makes sense Sparkle
I saw the error of my ways. Just make sure I get home ok....I woke up in a bush this morning take charge madam what with 12 kids tut tut fancy another xx
Oh go on....madam it will be my pleasure xx "
I'll get these |
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"As I don't drink, can I get a caramel latte pleaseMr Coulsen welcome as you may of noticed getting a bit rowdy few lushes about I do try to keep a respectable house
Oi cheeky "
Didn’t mention names guilty mind fancy another xx |
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"As I don't drink, can I get a caramel latte pleaseMr Coulsen welcome as you may of noticed getting a bit rowdy few lushes about I do try to keep a respectable house
Oi cheeky Didn’t mention names guilty mind fancy another xx "
Well must keep hydrated...please Sir |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Can you line up a Pina Colada for NVBN please bartender "
Thank you I will enjoy it very much whilst you wear a ball gag to stop you singing at me
NBVN x |
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"As I don't drink, can I get a caramel latte pleaseMr Coulsen welcome as you may of noticed getting a bit rowdy few lushes about I do try to keep a respectable house
Oi cheeky Didn’t mention names guilty mind fancy another xx
Well must keep hydrated...please Sir"
tell you what if I leave the bottle on your table saves time xx |
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"As I don't drink, can I get a caramel latte pleaseMr Coulsen welcome as you may of noticed getting a bit rowdy few lushes about I do try to keep a respectable house
Oi cheeky Didn’t mention names guilty mind fancy another xx
Well must keep hydrated...please Sirtell you what if I leave the bottle on your table saves time xx "
Better make it 2 |
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"As I don't drink, can I get a caramel latte pleaseMr Coulsen welcome as you may of noticed getting a bit rowdy few lushes about I do try to keep a respectable house
Oi cheeky Didn’t mention names guilty mind fancy another xx
Well must keep hydrated...please Sirtell you what if I leave the bottle on your table saves time xx
Better make it 2 "
you started off so well gone to rat shit now xx |
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"As I don't drink, can I get a caramel latte pleaseMr Coulsen welcome as you may of noticed getting a bit rowdy few lushes about I do try to keep a respectable house
Oi cheeky Didn’t mention names guilty mind fancy another xx
Well must keep hydrated...please Sirtell you what if I leave the bottle on your table saves time xx
Better make it 2 you started off so well gone to rat shit now xx "
Think you're a bad influence bartender |
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"Can you line up a Pina Colada for NVBN please bartender
Thank you I will enjoy it very much whilst you wear a ball gag to stop you singing at me
NBVN x"
Do you like Pina Colada, getting caught in the rain
Got it in quick before you silence me |
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"As I don't drink, can I get a caramel latte pleaseMr Coulsen welcome as you may of noticed getting a bit rowdy few lushes about I do try to keep a respectable house
Oi cheeky Didn’t mention names guilty mind fancy another xx
Well must keep hydrated...please Sirtell you what if I leave the bottle on your table saves time xx
Better make it 2 you started off so well gone to rat shit now xx
Think you're a bad influence bartender "
just doing my job sir |
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"Have you any Bundaberg rum back there? I fancy a taste of home.if I must that is top shelf go on then keep it secret it cost me a fortune fron Aldi "
If they sold it I'd be queueing up for the doors to open in the morning to buy a case! No disrespect to your fine estanlishment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Can you line up a Pina Colada for NVBN please bartender
Thank you I will enjoy it very much whilst you wear a ball gag to stop you singing at me
NBVN x
Do you like Pina Colada, getting caught in the rain
Got it in quick before you silence me "
You really are in a trouble now
NBVN x |
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"Can you line up a Pina Colada for NVBN please bartender
Thank you I will enjoy it very much whilst you wear a ball gag to stop you singing at me
NBVN x
Do you like Pina Colada, getting caught in the rain
Got it in quick before you silence me
You really are in a trouble now
NBVN x"
Normal service has resumed then |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ll have a Dark rum with ginger beer over crushed ice please Barman Tom you are more than welcome I like your layer back style "
Then pour two and pull
Up a stool |
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"Have you any Bundaberg rum back there? I fancy a taste of home.if I must that is top shelf go on then keep it secret it cost me a fortune fron Aldi
If they sold it I'd be queueing up for the doors to open in the morning to buy a case! No disrespect to your fine estanlishment."
Aldi next to the cherry Brandy |
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"Can you line up a Pina Colada for NVBN please bartender
Thank you I will enjoy it very much whilst you wear a ball gag to stop you singing at me change the record madam think you arevgetting tipsy xx
NBVN x
Do you like Pina Colada, getting caught in the rain
Got it in quick before you silence me
You really are in a trouble now
NBVN x"
|
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"Have you any Bundaberg rum back there? I fancy a taste of home.if I must that is top shelf go on then keep it secret it cost me a fortune fron Aldi
If they sold it I'd be queueing up for the doors to open in the morning to buy a case! No disrespect to your fine estanlishment.Aldi next to the cherry Brandy "
Seriously? I am now planning my day around a trip to the towns three Aldi's tomorrow. Don't be cruel |
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"Have you any Bundaberg rum back there? I fancy a taste of home.if I must that is top shelf go on then keep it secret it cost me a fortune fron Aldi
If they sold it I'd be queueing up for the doors to open in the morning to buy a case! No disrespect to your fine estanlishment.Aldi next to the cherry Brandy
Seriously? I am now planning my day around a trip to the towns three Aldi's tomorrow. Don't be cruel "
just spoke to Mr Aldi he said they are out of stock he said thank you but don't bother but he said he has a selection of quality bike pumps in the middle aisle |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?!  be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
Are we doing the tequila properly "
you still here where's all the ladies pull up a stool |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
Are we doing the tequila properly
Absolutely "
Are you going to hold my lemon in your teeth |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
Are we doing the tequila properly
Absolutely "
just checked with your eldest alls good at home just cooking pizzas from scratch xx |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
Are we doing the tequila properly you still here where's all the ladies pull up a stool "
Someone's got to keep you going |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
That figuratively is poison... my demon drinks. Can I have a vodka?"
have a bottle |
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
That figuratively is poison... my demon drinks. Can I have a vodka?have a bottle "
"Hello my precious" |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
Are we doing the tequila properly you still here where's all the ladies pull up a stool
Someone's got to keep you going "
got jellied eels in the back interested |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
Are we doing the tequila properly you still here where's all the ladies pull up a stool
Someone's got to keep you going got jellied eels in the back interested "
You can keep your jellied eel to yourself
Got any pickled eggs? |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
Are we doing the tequila properly you still here where's all the ladies pull up a stool
Someone's got to keep you going got jellied eels in the back interested
You can keep your jellied eel to yourself
Got any pickled eggs?"
jar loads fell off the back of a lorry |
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
That figuratively is poison... my demon drinks. Can I have a vodka?have a bottle "
This vodka appears to be water! Are you cutting me off barkeep? |
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"Are we good for a lock in tonight barmen..?? ( please)top shelf only sir strip poker ladies invited pork scratchings the works classy establishment I think you will agree .
Salubrious sir..well we do are best in these testing times whats your tipple "
Half a pint of sweet Sherry please.. |
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"I'm ready for some shots now
Did somebody say shots?! be my pleasure what's your poison
Jagerbombs and tequila chasers
That figuratively is poison... my demon drinks. Can I have a vodka?have a bottle
This vodka appears to be water! Are you cutting me off barkeep? "
steady on old boy the boys in blue are here after hours and they never complain as they always say to me crime won't fight itself sorry going off at a tangent drink up and make merry |
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"Are we good for a lock in tonight barmen..?? ( please)top shelf only sir strip poker ladies invited pork scratchings the works classy establishment I think you will agree .
Salubrious sir..well we do are best in these testing times whats your tipple
Half a pint of sweet Sherry please.."
half a bottle of our finest sir Q C ? |
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"Are we good for a lock in tonight barmen..?? ( please)top shelf only sir strip poker ladies invited pork scratchings the works classy establishment I think you will agree .
Salubrious sir..well we do are best in these testing times whats your tipple
Half a pint of sweet Sherry please..half a bottle of our finest sir Q C ? "
Jerez please |
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"Are we good for a lock in tonight barmen..?? ( please)top shelf only sir strip poker ladies invited pork scratchings the works classy establishment I think you will agree .
Salubrious sir..well we do are best in these testing times whats your tipple
Half a pint of sweet Sherry please..half a bottle of our finest sir Q C ?
Jerez please"
lightweight but OK half pint pot ? |
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"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left"
looking that way I am lagging now got to be up for my other job in the morning driving a bus living the dream |
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"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left"
Erm excuse me..... |
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"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left
Erm excuse me....."
ay ay voice in the back of the room the kids still OK by the way they are having a fry up alls well they said tell my mum to enjoy herself I said don't worry she is drink xx ? |
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left"
Anyone want to build a secret fort under the pool table with me? |
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"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left
Anyone want to build a secret fort under the pool table with me?"
No behave yourself it is a respectful boozer |
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"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left
Erm excuse me....."
Sorry.... Didn't realise you'd popped to the loo. Thought you'd done a runner from me |
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By *ailingSwagmanMan
over a year ago
North Essex / Midlands / Southcoast |
"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left
Anyone want to build a secret fort under the pool table with me?No behave yourself it is a respectful boozer "
I won't move too much furniture I'll put it all back in the morning |
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"Who's up for body shots??
Well hell yeah order order
I'm ordering the shots take a seat you are getting rowdy bouncers have been alerted
Seems like it's just me and the barman left
Anyone want to build a secret fort under the pool table with me?No behave yourself it is a respectful boozer
I won't move too much furniture I'll put it all back in the morning "
make sure you do other wise I will have no alternative but to bar you young fellow |
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"Thanks Mr Barman 
Are we having a lock in Sparkle or heading off
I should maybe get back but party at mine.....I have a pool
But I didn't bring trunks
Like thats ever stopped you "
Are you accusing me of being a flozzy |
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"Thanks Mr Barman
Are we having a lock in Sparkle or heading off
I should maybe get back but party at mine.....I have a pool
But I didn't bring trunks
Like thats ever stopped you
Are you accusing me of being a flozzy "
We both know you are |
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"Thanks Mr Barman
Are we having a lock in Sparkle or heading off
I should maybe get back but party at mine.....I have a pool
But I didn't bring trunks
Like thats ever stopped you
Are you accusing me of being a flozzy
We both know you are "
Yeah ok, fair enough. Caught bang to rights |
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