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Not about plus-sized...
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
I rarely watch TV but it was a hot night and I could not be bothered to do much else so I watched the program about Hotel for plus-sized people this week; I think it is located somewhere in the Caribbean. It featured a woman who had tragically lost her husband a couple of years earlier and she was still struggling so much with coping with life - I am sure she would be classed as depressed.
We sometimes come across people like this, who wear the mask of being ok. To all intents and purposes, they look and act perfectly normal on the surface but when you dig a little deeper or something triggers them they actually crumble.
Long intro but still, my point is this:
We have no idea what is going on inside a person's mind/ life/ environment and maybe remembering this would be helpful when meeting people out and about, in a shop, in a queue... anywhere...
Just a thought - comments welcome.
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"I rarely watch TV but it was a hot night and I could not be bothered to do much else so I watched the program about Hotel for plus-sized people this week; I think it is located somewhere in the Caribbean. It featured a woman who had tragically lost her husband a couple of years earlier and she was still struggling so much with coping with life - I am sure she would be classed as depressed.
We sometimes come across people like this, who wear the mask of being ok. To all intents and purposes, they look and act perfectly normal on the surface but when you dig a little deeper or something triggers them they actually crumble.
Long intro but still, my point is this:
We have no idea what is going on inside a person's mind/ life/ environment and maybe remembering this would be helpful when meeting people out and about, in a shop, in a queue... anywhere...
Just a thought - comments welcome.
"
Yes I 100% agree that we don't know what situation and the person's mental state to get them to that point.
The same reason I don't judge homeless people.
But on your point also we must remember that some people are just plain greedy and lazy.
Not all but if that's the lifestyle they choose then that's fine their choice no different from a fitness fanatic.
So yes some people do have deep issues others just choose to be that way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do any of us ever truly know anyone else whether a stranger or someone you've known for years?
I can mask quite well (even though it can show as irritation and easily annoyed) until it starts to leak out onto the outside but mostly I'll come across as someone who is fairly easygoing. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I rarely watch TV but it was a hot night and I could not be bothered to do much else so I watched the program about Hotel for plus-sized people this week; I think it is located somewhere in the Caribbean. It featured a woman who had tragically lost her husband a couple of years earlier and she was still struggling so much with coping with life - I am sure she would be classed as depressed.
We sometimes come across people like this, who wear the mask of being ok. To all intents and purposes, they look and act perfectly normal on the surface but when you dig a little deeper or something triggers them they actually crumble.
Long intro but still, my point is this:
We have no idea what is going on inside a person's mind/ life/ environment and maybe remembering this would be helpful when meeting people out and about, in a shop, in a queue... anywhere...
Just a thought - comments welcome.
Yes I 100% agree that we don't know what situation and the person's mental state to get them to that point.
The same reason I don't judge homeless people.
But on your point also we must remember that some people are just plain greedy and lazy.
Not all but if that's the lifestyle they choose then that's fine their choice no different from a fitness fanatic.
So yes some people do have deep issues others just choose to be that way."
Understand, and just for the record, I was not specifically referring to large people - it was the program that triggered the thought about us not knowing what is going on somebody's mind. |
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Some of my closest family don't know what is going on with me at the moment. I tend not to talk about stuff with them as I don't want them to worry or to treat me any differently.
So you are right, no-one really knows what's going on behind close doors. Sadly some people don't care and are quite ignorant to that fact x |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Do any of us ever truly know anyone else whether a stranger or someone you've known for years?
I can mask quite well (even though it can show as irritation and easily annoyed) until it starts to leak out onto the outside but mostly I'll come across as someone who is fairly easygoing."
You know I think to some degree we all have a mask, some of our masks are there occasionally as and when a situation requires it - others have made the mask a permanent part of their being just to survive.  |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Op, you’re very wise. It’s so true, we have no idea what’s going on with someone else. "
Thankyou xx, not sure if I am wise, I was just feeling really sad for this woman and my daughter, who was watching it with me, was almost in tears.... The woman said "If I did not have my daughter, I would have ended my life to be with my late husband" and that really got to both of us.
That in turn made me think how lovely it would be to give people a bit of the benefit of the doubt? |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Some of my closest family don't know what is going on with me at the moment. I tend not to talk about stuff with them as I don't want them to worry or to treat me any differently.
So you are right, no-one really knows what's going on behind close doors. Sadly some people don't care and are quite ignorant to that fact x"
Exactly- they do not have any idea by the sound of it what internal struggle is going on for you. xx |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"What I have found is you never ever know that someone was wearing that mask until its too late. "
That is ,sadly, often very true. And there is no going back then to make up and be kind.  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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"
That in turn made me think how lovely it would be to give people a bit of the benefit of the doubt? "
It's a lovely idea but we're human and with that flawed. We read something we don't like, we make assumptions and presumptions about others. Actually stopping and thinking about the other person is difficult when I think we're conditioned to pass snap judgements on others and tend to stick to those. You only have to read the forums to know that people read one thing and add their own biases, experiences, viewpoints on to it and think nothing more of it. We all do it, including everyone who has commented on this thread and myself.
But yes OP, it would be lovely if we thought even a bit more about the other. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have worn a mask for years to be honest
Takes real strength to recognise and articulate it.
Been wearing a mask for years since I was sixteen. Only realised this very recently. "
People do. Sometimes they do not realise until much later in life and regret they did not see it earlier and could do more about it.
I see it as something we all do to an extent and if we can free ourselves a little bit, be a little more honest... we will also be more free... and happy eventually.
Let's face it, if I have nothing to hide I don't have to worry about what other people might find out. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"In my work I have been fortunate enough to work in housing for the homeless and people who are rehabilitating from various things.
It taught me that everyone has a story to tell."
Absolutely... and that many are less fortunate, have less support. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"
That in turn made me think how lovely it would be to give people a bit of the benefit of the doubt?
It's a lovely idea but we're human and with that flawed. We read something we don't like, we make assumptions and presumptions about others. Actually stopping and thinking about the other person is difficult when I think we're conditioned to pass snap judgements on others and tend to stick to those. You only have to read the forums to know that people read one thing and add their own biases, experiences, viewpoints on to it and think nothing more of it. We all do it, including everyone who has commented on this thread and myself.
But yes OP, it would be lovely if we thought even a bit more about the other. "
Oh totally, I am under no illusion and I do it myself sometimes when I believe (usually wrongly) that a situation requires it from me.
I am just thinking the more we can be open and honest with people close to us... the better. Not an easy task though, I agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Absolutely yes. Even a person on their worst day is worthy of compassion. People generally dont choose to be unkind or have an unhealthy lifestyle through sheer bloody mindedness, there would always be a trigger I would think. Some may or may not want to work through it, their choice, which we should always respect. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've been that person.
Many years ago lost my mum unexpectedly, daughter tried to kill herself, several times. Royally fucked me up but you wouldn't have known on meeting me. I actually thought I was ok as well.
Then had a massive breakdown at work/panic attack and actually realised I wasnt ok.
Hard lesson to learn, don't bottle it up, speak about things. Helps a lot. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Yep, the stats are pretty bad …. the likelihood of going through bereavement of a parent or family member, life changing illness, redundancy, homelessness , most people over a certain age will have had one or more |
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