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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
aAfter almost 5 years of comments like "I will give you some money next week...ok..next week...maybe next week..." and "why should I give you any money towards new school shoes for the 3 of them?they do not wear them when they are with me!" the CSA has finally caught up with him and my ex shall be paying me his first maintenance towards the winks next week.What is funny is that it is basically the same amount that he had offered to pay way back when he first left me and we signed and agreement between the 2 of us but after first 2 months nothing...in 5 years have had about £350 towards his 3 kids. Feel like a weight has been lifted,do not have to worry as much about the impending costs throughout the school year  |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
I'm sorry you have had such a battle. I hope he keeps up the payments.
I knew a man who argued that the weeks he had the children he should not have to pay anything at all but if they needed new clothes or anything in the time they were with him he didn't get them. It beggars belief what some people think parenting is.
Enjoy the sense of relief and report any slips to the CSA immediately. |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"I'm sorry you have had such a battle. I hope he keeps up the payments.
I knew a man who argued that the weeks he had the children he should not have to pay anything at all but if they needed new clothes or anything in the time they were with him he didn't get them. It beggars belief what some people think parenting is.
Enjoy the sense of relief and report any slips to the CSA immediately."
as he ignored their calls and letters, they went straight to his employer...he has one week to give them his bank details otherwise it will just be deducted straight from his wages. I went for that option straight away as from his track record knew that I would get nothing from him directly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow that's great you finally got some peace of mind now you deserve it some men and women just don't take responsibility for their children and I think its terrible but so pleased for you. Relax and enjoy the fact that he will be hopping mad now lol xx |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"I'm sorry you have had such a battle. I hope he keeps up the payments.
I knew a man who argued that the weeks he had the children he should not have to pay anything at all but if they needed new clothes or anything in the time they were with him he didn't get them. It beggars belief what some people think parenting is.
Enjoy the sense of relief and report any slips to the CSA immediately.
as he ignored their calls and letters, they went straight to his employer...he has one week to give them his bank details otherwise it will just be deducted straight from his wages. I went for that option straight away as from his track record knew that I would get nothing from him directly"
Good for you. If he'd been a grown up he could have retained control of his salary. |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"Wow that's great you finally got some peace of mind now you deserve it some men and women just don't take responsibility for their children and I think its terrible but so pleased for you. Relax and enjoy the fact that he will be hopping mad now lol xx"
Thanks...he just has never had a clue...school uniforms...school trips,birthdays,christmas...he has never had to pay any of these..any christmas or birthday gifts they got off of him were paid for by his mother as he has always been a spoiled child,to this day she gives him what he wants.He has money for a new laptop evey couple of years, new phone every year, has gone away several times with his gf in the past year but I would ask him to go to asda to get the 3 new school shoes £10 each so not an arm and a leg and he would say things like I was lucky that he did not claim child benefit for one of them as he was entitled to because of the amount of time he had them...so should be happy he did not take money from me... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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First time posting in these forums but suprised to see a topic like this so will throw in my penny worth. Probably wont ever see any replies posted lol.
Left my ex 15 years ago.She turned violent throwing stuff and stabbed me with a dart at one point. Had to battle through courts for the right to see my daughter. Ex eventually gave in when i offered £50 a week, not millions admittedly but back then i wasnt earning much it was 20% of my wage.
Any way never missed a payment daughter is 19 next month. i now pay here a wage to work part time she does odd jobs for me paper work bill paying shopping and such like. I didnt even stop paying when the ex won 55 grand on the lotto and still claimed dole money i might add. Just thought i would add that, that although i didnt pay much i think i paid my bit. Oh never missed a visit either.
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
"First time posting in these forums but suprised to see a topic like this so will throw in my penny worth. Probably wont ever see any replies posted lol.
Left my ex 15 years ago.She turned violent throwing stuff and stabbed me with a dart at one point. Had to battle through courts for the right to see my daughter. Ex eventually gave in when i offered £50 a week, not millions admittedly but back then i wasnt earning much it was 20% of my wage.
Any way never missed a payment daughter is 19 next month. i now pay here a wage to work part time she does odd jobs for me paper work bill paying shopping and such like. I didnt even stop paying when the ex won 55 grand on the lotto and still claimed dole money i might add. Just thought i would add that, that although i didnt pay much i think i paid my bit. Oh never missed a visit either.
"
why would you not think you would get a response?(and as for this as a topic on the forums...look...you will find just about anything posted...lol)
Difference being you stepped up and supported your daughter because you wanted to.You fought to see her and can I tell you something...you do not think that £50 a week was much...my ex has to pay £51.50 a week...for 3 children , so I think what you gave was generous. There should be more Dads like you out there |
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By *icketysplitsWoman
over a year ago
Way over Yonder, that's where I'm bound |
"First time posting in these forums but suprised to see a topic like this so will throw in my penny worth. Probably wont ever see any replies posted lol.
Left my ex 15 years ago.She turned violent throwing stuff and stabbed me with a dart at one point. Had to battle through courts for the right to see my daughter. Ex eventually gave in when i offered £50 a week, not millions admittedly but back then i wasnt earning much it was 20% of my wage.
Any way never missed a payment daughter is 19 next month. i now pay here a wage to work part time she does odd jobs for me paper work bill paying shopping and such like. I didnt even stop paying when the ex won 55 grand on the lotto and still claimed dole money i might add. Just thought i would add that, that although i didnt pay much i think i paid my bit. Oh never missed a visit either.
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Welcome to the forum.
Your post illustrates that you understand your role as parent. Your relationship ended with your ex-wife not with your child. Whilst I may not agree with her claiming benefits after winning £50k I can see that you shopping her might have been detrimental to your relationship with your daughter. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can totally relate to the OP's situation.
My ex-husband and I split just over 14 years ago when our son was just coming up to 2yrs old and he has refused point blank to pay any form of maintenance for this whole time. I even went to the CSA years ago who told me that because I was working and he was on benefits, he didn't have to give me a single penny.
My circumstances changed about a year ago when I was made redundant and the JobCentre asked me whether I was getting any maintenance for my son, I told them no and they said that I should re-apply to CSA.
Finally, a few months ago, after months of arguing about the level of my ex's benefits and work's pension, they awarded me the massive payment of £10 per week which is being taken directly out of his benefits every fortnight and paid to me monthly.
I saw this as some small victory for all of 5 minutes because the DWP then took it off my benefits as soon as I got the first payment through, so actually it is them who are receiving maintenance for my son, not me, but at least he is finally being made to pay something, no matter how insignificant an amount it is.
He also tried to stop paying the maintenance on our son's 16th birthday and I've had a battle on my hands trying to make him continue paying because my son is going to college from next week and he will be travelling into the city centre every day at a cost of almost £35 per week which I am responsible for funding.
We have no way of getting anything else out of my ex, he's not paid a penny since our son was 2, he never sees him, and has the nerve on the odd occasion I might bump into him on the street of accusing me of keeping our son away from him.
There is one good thing that I keep in mind throughout all this, I have a very happy, intelligent, well-adjusted, caring, loving son who I have raised alone with no financial, emotional or other help from his father. My son says to me that he doesn't care about or need his father as I am all the parent he needs, which is good enough for me. |
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My ex husband never gave me a penny in 12 years, however, when my son moved in with him at 16 as the college was nearer to his father he soom learnt that it was an expensive business. Im glad your sorted. I never once called my ex to my son, but as hes got older hes seen for himself what hes like. But when people say to me that my son was always spotless and looked nice i can sit back and say yes i did that on my own |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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we have 5 children, 3 from my(fem)1st marriage. my ex has been told by the csa to pay us some stupid amount £50 a month or so (for all 3) this doesn't even cover the school meals.
been fighting for years to get him to pay, even had an order for his employers to take the money out and pay me direct , this worked for 2 months . the git decided to reduce his hours just so he wouldnt have to pay a penny, every now and then i get something in the bank ( £20 last week). he owes us in excess of £5000 and even though 1 is 20 soon and 1 will be 16 soon he will still have to carry on paying until he clears his debt. he really is a lazy arse ******* and his now wife doesnt care as he spends all his free time in the pub with her.
no he doesnt see the kids (and yes thats down to me,) got sick of him letting them down and basically not giving 2 hoots about them.
i told him to fight for his kids.. did he? no! his loss.
the eldest sees him ( his choice) but he see's him for what he is. i know that the 16 year old will want to see him too as that was the deal when they are old enough ( 16) i cant/wont stop them. ( we know where he lives)
to be honest and i know its not the point but my now husband doesnt see himself as a dad of 2 he sees himself as a dad of 5 beautiful ( hopefully well balanced)children and that is down to us not my ex .
to the op i am pleased the csa have been able to finally sort this for you but i really hope that your exs employers up hold the ruling of the csa.
i know not all dads are like this and do want to spend time with and suport their kids
oh and my exs wife left 4 boys with their dad too and again she doesnt pay a penny towards her kids either |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I left my first husband when my girls were 1 & 3. Csa assessed him at £3.33 a week for both. Being self employed he fiddled his books and CSA take this at face value as they dont have the resources to check this out. Fortunately for him he has continued to enjoy his London home and his Thailand holidays twice a year while I have worked hard to give my children a good life. I have been more than happy to do this as just glad i dont have to live with him. I do however feel guilty for choosing this man and for my girls to end up with a Father that works 24/7 for his own needs and not theirs.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've paid all my kids life the way I see it is there mine so why not..
Not like my wife's peace of shit who give up work so he did not have to pay us at all .. Not a bean..
So am paying for mine and his. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get the very large sum of five pounds a month for my daughter.....and have only recently recieved that...the CSA in my oppinion are a.waste of time ....but glad tp hear they came up trumps for you OP.....my ex is self employed...drives around in his big brand new land rover...holidays everywhere....BUT......my daughter as nothing to thank him for ,ive brought her up and paid for everything and will continue to do so.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What I can't understand is why you would not want to pay to support your own children !!!!
We all have our own stories to tell and mine is much the ame as everyone else's.
I paid for my 2 teenage sons till they both hit 19 initially I apid £500.00 a month as I agreed this with my ex and I could afford it, then my circumstances changed so Incontacted the CSA told them my circumstances and my new wage and I then paid £354.00 a month for both of them.
Once the first hit 19 on his birthday in January I could have stopped paying then !!! but as he was still in 6th form till the August I wrote my ex a letter and told her I would continue with the payment till he was able to start work or claim JSA in September.
Just as an aside I didn't get so much as a kiss my ass or a thank youy from my ex lol.
I then continued paying £250.00 for my other sone till this summer when he has left 6th form....
Never missed a payment saw my sons 2-3 times a week bought clothes paid for holidays never missed a birthday.
My kids my responsibility ....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On the other side of the coin my.mates ex is screwing him for all the money she can get from him for their child yet the more he gives her the more times shes out therefore the more times he has the child. Should be her paying him.
Btw, as for claiming benefits after a lotto win. A guy up here done that after a 100k win. Hes now in jail for 6 months |
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By *igTeeMan
over a year ago
Bradford |
Pleased for you
I've got 2 kids by my X partner n even though I have not seen them in a long time I've still paid for them every single week
It's still going through the court procedure so hopefully even 1 hour a month I would be more than happy with but my x is the most difficult woman ever they've moved so don't know we're there living so I have to do everything through her parents address but just cz I don't see them don't mean I should not pay for there upkeep as they are my children no matter how unreasonable she's being I still have to provide for them |
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By *ummy mummy OP Woman
over a year ago
southampton-ish |
Happy to hear all the great dads supporting their kids. I don't understand mums who spitefully refuse access to the dads anymore than I understand men such as my ex who do not see it important to help support their kids. I am originally from Canada and when he left me with my 2 year old son and my 4 month old twin girls I could have easily said screw him and gone back to Canada but I didn't.I thought no matter what he has done(as be was never violent to me) or said to me I ark thought he deserved to see his kids and they deserved to know their dad.he does see them regularly although since moving in with his gf in December last year things have gone downhill and sh had managed to get him to see them less and he has now started picking them up late bringing home earlier or many times at last minute not come for them at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My ex gets £241.41 a month for my two kids. This was decided by the CSA after she kept renegotiating the informal agreement between us(it was me that applied to them). Never missed a payment(and I won't while I still earn a decent wage), or missed a visit and in fact had to fight damn hard to see the kids as well as take them out. Never speak ill of her in front of the kids(although I know for a fact that I can't say the same about her), and make a point of never discussing what goes on between her and myself with the kids, except for when she's fed them some bs and they need to be set straight. Oh, and she gets help with kids uniforms and clothes when I have the money to spare.
I also have kept each and every text message she's sent me over the past year and half. A fact I remind her of whenever she decides that she's never used access to the kids as a punishment
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"First time posting in these forums but suprised to see a topic like this so will throw in my penny worth. Probably wont ever see any replies posted lol.
Left my ex 15 years ago.She turned violent throwing stuff and stabbed me with a dart at one point. Had to battle through courts for the right to see my daughter. Ex eventually gave in when i offered £50 a week, not millions admittedly but back then i wasnt earning much it was 20% of my wage.
Any way never missed a payment daughter is 19 next month. i now pay here a wage to work part time she does odd jobs for me paper work bill paying shopping and such like. I didnt even stop paying when the ex won 55 grand on the lotto and still claimed dole money i might add. Just thought i would add that, that although i didnt pay much i think i paid my bit. Oh never missed a visit either.
"
fair play m8, respect.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well done, everyone who has kids should be made to pay for them till the day comes when they can support themselves, it does my head in how someone can have kids then split up and think they can just walk away and have more kids with someone else and not support the kids from the first relationship, no wonder the government is skint! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Well done, everyone who has kids should be made to pay for them till the day comes when they can support themselves"
Agree with you totally.
As for Yummy... good for you and for pursuing what must have been difficult at times. Sounds like it has been a long time coming but at least you should now be able breathe a sigh of relief. |
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Well I got the CSA involved myself as a Dad to make sure maintenace payments were fair/ above board and level..its just a pain I can't make a note of the days she does not allow me to see the childredn (despite a court order) and then reduce payments accordingly!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My ex husband never gave me a penny in 12 years, however, when my son moved in with him at 16 as the college was nearer to his father he soom learnt that it was an expensive business. Im glad your sorted. I never once called my ex to my son, but as hes got older hes seen for himself what hes like. But when people say to me that my son was always spotless and looked nice i can sit back and say yes i did that on my own"
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The CSA have finally (after nearly 5 years) awarded me £27 a week from my ex for my disabled child. Mind you I am yet to see if I actually receive anything!!!
He claims that he doesn't know how he is supposed to live with this "extra financial commitment" and when I point out that he pays a mortgage to keep a roof over someone else's kids head he doesn't get why I am so annoyed.
Now he just does things like stringing me along as to when he will be returning my son after his every other weekend visit. Posting things on FB like "don't get mad - get even" as he knows it totally screws up my time if I cant make plans.
Some men don't deserve to be fathers as I would give my last breath for my son and I work full time to make sure he has everything he needs.
As the old saying goes "anyone can make a child but it take a real man to be a father"! |
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