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The Psychology of Dominance & Submission
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By *lair101 OP TV/TS
over a year ago
Aberdeen, westhill |
Video
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hcd8V0ZhmVk
Must admit, I do like a little light bondage and spanking...while being bonked sensless 
Not a fan of dirty talk tho..shut and bonk me |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I got as far as dominants liking "overpowering a woman and taking what they want" and hit stop - that's not what it's about at all.
Now the guy may have gone on to qualify that but the thing is D/s is a very individual thing and can't be summed up in a neat 17 minute YouTube clip and takes a lot of time and thought to truly understand - someone watching that clip may well come away with totally the wrong ideas and that in itself is a dangerous thing. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"I got as far as dominants liking "overpowering a woman and taking what they want" and hit stop - that's not what it's about at all.
Now the guy may have gone on to qualify that but the thing is D/s is a very individual thing and can't be summed up in a neat 17 minute YouTube clip and takes a lot of time and thought to truly understand - someone watching that clip may well come away with totally the wrong ideas and that in itself is a dangerous thing."
Definitely,couldn't finish watching it either, a Dom may be in charge but the sub is the one who is in control |
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By *ensualMan
over a year ago
Sutton |
"I got as far as dominants liking "overpowering a woman and taking what they want" and hit stop - that's not what it's about at all.
Now the guy may have gone on to qualify that but the thing is D/s is a very individual thing and can't be summed up in a neat 17 minute YouTube clip and takes a lot of time and thought to truly understand - someone watching that clip may well come away with totally the wrong ideas and that in itself is a dangerous thing.
Definitely,couldn't finish watching it either, a Dom may be in charge but the sub is the one who is in control"
With the usual caveat that everyone does D/S in their own way, my view is thar there are a number of approaches to D/S.
There is the Old School as set out in the Story of O, where the submissive is there to serve in whatever way the Dom wants.
There is the Sub Led D/S where the sub is in control (although some would see this as topping from the bottom or a topping situation).
There is Modern D/S where there is equality of individuals even if there is a power exchange relationship. The boundaries of both the Dom and sub are set out and the relationship operates within those boundaries. My own view is that an individual's right to control what happens to their body does not put the Sub in control, as that right is universal. E.g as an employee you have the right to decide what happens with your body, it does not mean you are in control of your employer. Modern D/S is a mutually beneficial relationship of equals in an unequal relationship.
That is not to say that other styles of D/S are not mutually beneficial or rewarding, Some people (whether D/S or M/S) need total power exchange or even a Gorean style relationship, that is their choice.
I really don't think it is helpful to talk about true Doms or subs (for one reason that forgets about switches) or true D/S because D/S is not a competitive sport (although I have read at some parties they have best in class subs awards).
I would suggest people need to do the emotional and intellectual work to find out what they want out of a D/S relationship. This is because there are so many different approaches from a 1950s led relationship to women a led relationship to Masters and Mistresses to fluffy handcuffs once month. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I got as far as dominants liking "overpowering a woman and taking what they want" and hit stop - that's not what it's about at all.
Now the guy may have gone on to qualify that but the thing is D/s is a very individual thing and can't be summed up in a neat 17 minute YouTube clip and takes a lot of time and thought to truly understand - someone watching that clip may well come away with totally the wrong ideas and that in itself is a dangerous thing.
Definitely,couldn't finish watching it either, a Dom may be in charge but the sub is the one who is in control
With the usual caveat that everyone does D/S in their own way, my view is thar there are a number of approaches to D/S.
There is the Old School as set out in the Story of O, where the submissive is there to serve in whatever way the Dom wants.
There is the Sub Led D/S where the sub is in control (although some would see this as topping from the bottom or a topping situation).
There is Modern D/S where there is equality of individuals even if there is a power exchange relationship. The boundaries of both the Dom and sub are set out and the relationship operates within those boundaries. My own view is that an individual's right to control what happens to their body does not put the Sub in control, as that right is universal. E.g as an employee you have the right to decide what happens with your body, it does not mean you are in control of your employer. Modern D/S is a mutually beneficial relationship of equals in an unequal relationship.
That is not to say that other styles of D/S are not mutually beneficial or rewarding, Some people (whether D/S or M/S) need total power exchange or even a Gorean style relationship, that is their choice.
I really don't think it is helpful to talk about true Doms or subs (for one reason that forgets about switches) or true D/S because D/S is not a competitive sport (although I have read at some parties they have best in class subs awards).
I would suggest people need to do the emotional and intellectual work to find out what they want out of a D/S relationship. This is because there are so many different approaches from a 1950s led relationship to women a led relationship to Masters and Mistresses to fluffy handcuffs once month."
I enjoy reading your posts as you make a lot of sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I enjoy reading your posts as you make a lot of sense."
Completely agree; wise words.
I've read enough through the thread that I'm not even going to watch the clip. |
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"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
"
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple. "
I think there is definitely a use for D/s.
He is definitely Dominant to my submissive, but it’s about prior consent, and very clear communication. It’s more than just sex, it’s the giving over of myself to him. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple.
I think there is definitely a use for D/s.
He is definitely Dominant to my submissive, but it’s about prior consent, and very clear communication. It’s more than just sex, it’s the giving over of myself to him. "
and that is the most empowering thing about a d/s relationship, some people don't get the fact that the sub is giving themselves freely, it isn't forced, or demanded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple.
I think there is definitely a use for D/s.
He is definitely Dominant to my submissive, but it’s about prior consent, and very clear communication. It’s more than just sex, it’s the giving over of myself to him. and that is the most empowering thing about a d/s relationship, some people don't get the fact that the sub is giving themselves freely, it isn't forced, or demanded."
Exactly. He earnt the right to have that too, by building my trust/respect/love. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple.
I think there is definitely a use for D/s.
He is definitely Dominant to my submissive, but it’s about prior consent, and very clear communication. It’s more than just sex, it’s the giving over of myself to him. and that is the most empowering thing about a d/s relationship, some people don't get the fact that the sub is giving themselves freely, it isn't forced, or demanded.
Exactly. He earnt the right to have that too, by building my trust/respect/love. "
that trust and respect is essential both ways |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple.
I think there is definitely a use for D/s.
He is definitely Dominant to my submissive, but it’s about prior consent, and very clear communication. It’s more than just sex, it’s the giving over of myself to him. and that is the most empowering thing about a d/s relationship, some people don't get the fact that the sub is giving themselves freely, it isn't forced, or demanded.
Exactly. He earnt the right to have that too, by building my trust/respect/love. "
I’ve often heard the term ‘controlling’ being levelled at a Dom by those who can’t see the nuances of an aspect of this dynamic. It isn’t the case. It isn’t forced and the beauty of it is that both parties derive pleasure from how they give to and take from each other. It is certainly not controlling. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple. "
It's definitely not pigeon holed into that lol |
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"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple. "
Not necessarily I started out in a non sexual D/s relationship when I first started out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Thanks for the kind words _etcpl and Dai Hard.
Definitely food for thought and it made me think that the term D/s has no use.
Seems to be people having sex.
Just like every other active couple.
I think there is definitely a use for D/s.
He is definitely Dominant to my submissive, but it’s about prior consent, and very clear communication. It’s more than just sex, it’s the giving over of myself to him. and that is the most empowering thing about a d/s relationship, some people don't get the fact that the sub is giving themselves freely, it isn't forced, or demanded.
Exactly. He earnt the right to have that too, by building my trust/respect/love.
I’ve often heard the term ‘controlling’ being levelled at a Dom by those who can’t see the nuances of an aspect of this dynamic. It isn’t the case. It isn’t forced and the beauty of it is that both parties derive pleasure from how they give to and take from each other. It is certainly not controlling."
Absolutely right, and he would be horrified if that was ever the case. It’s beautiful because it’s balanced and equal. |
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