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Job interview jargon bullshit
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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If you could answer any job vacancy/ interview question’s truthfully, what would the question’s and answer’s be ?
Here’s how I’d like to answer some of the bullshit questions they ask:
Do you enjoy working in a fast-paced environment?
‘Yes, I love when my job causes anxiety, stress and I struggle to sleep at night, all for minimum wage.’
Where do you see yourself in 5 years ?
‘Clinging on as I do now, hopefully with the small zest for life I have left, so I can still do the things I actually want to do.’
What will you bring to the table ?
‘Mostly a dry, sarcastic humour with a dead pan delivery. I’m also good at coming up with nicknames for my work colleagues and supervisors.’
Are you a team player ?
I’m a sociopath, what do you think?!’
What do you see as your greatest weakness?
‘That I have no money, so I have to keep coming to work everyday.’
Can you multitask ?
‘I regularly carry my workshy workmates, yes.’
Why do you want to work for us ?
‘Because unfortunately I wasn’t born into wealth and for some fucked up reason I need money to buy food and stuff.’
Give one example where you’ve shown initiative ?
‘I absolutely will fucking not, thanks for asking.!’
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Its quality i got asked at my last job whats my go too ____ process by some 22 yr old fresh out of uni i told him listen here kid i was approached by you not the other way round and hung up the vid call |
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By *ofdiamondsMan
over a year ago
Between wisbech & Kings lynn |
""What's your greatest weakness?"
Honesty.
"I don't think honesty is a wea-"
I don't give a fuck what you think."
Genuinely used that line in an interview before but was my mate interviewing me so he took it with good humour |
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"How could you support your new team?
'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'"
I'd love to use a gangbang as an example of my excellent teamwork skills.
Just need to organise the gangbang first! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Let's go through a roleplay scenario.
Oh, I am sorry, I didn't bring any other outfit or props.
Be more unsettling to answer "yes daddy"  "
I'd hire her in a flash  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Are you happy to work weekends ?
Oh Absolutely, there’s nothing I like better than spending my weekends stuck at work, while my friends go to festivals, try kite surfing and attend gangbangs.’ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"How could you support your new team?
'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'
When can you start ? "
Easiest job interview ever |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"How could you support your new team?
'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'
When can you start ?
Easiest job interview ever "
To be honest you had the job when you first walked in.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can you describe a time when you had to deal with a challenging situation in a previous role?
Yes, well there was my last most recent job, where my boss was an utter twat, and on my last day of employment, I told them to shove their job up their urethra and said I did not need escorted out by security and that the stapler in my hand was clearly mine. |
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"How could you support your new team?
'well I usually end up sleeping with my co workers and I'm half decent in bed, so...'
I'd love to use a gangbang as an example of my excellent teamwork skills.
Just need to organise the gangbang first!"
I like your thinking! Organisational skills, using initiative, flexible, responsive, able to multi-task and work as part of a team - it's all there in my gangbang experience
Mrs TMN x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Family Guy response to the question what do you see your self doing in 5 years. Peter Griffin looks at interviewers picture of him and his family. Pauses, then says doing your son. Off it’s head. By the way, I don’t come up with interview responses from cartoons. They never seem to see the funny side in an interview. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can you describe a time when you had to deal with a challenging situation in a previous role?
My last time in El Salvador, I heard a blast and just happened to notice a fire ball, with a black dot moving quickly my way! I hunkered down hard and this furnace flew over my head. Rather quickly, I returned fire with an M203 HE aimed in the direction of fire. Dust off called in, Miller time! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Why are you looking to leave your current job ?
Because I'm ground down and broken by working in a souless, pointless, faceless Corporation that does nothing and produces nothing of any meaningful use to anyone !!!
And what attracted you to apply for this position with BigBrother Consultancy and Logistics Inc ? |
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Q: What's your greatest weakness?
A: Job interviews.
Q: What's your greatest strength?
A: Fucking.
Q: Can you give us an example of a time when you performed under pressure?
I took a leading role in a gangbang involving a double-figure number of people, in thirty-plus degree heat, in a small and unventilated room, while wearing a full-face mask that impeded both my vision and my breathing, and I still managed to get hard and fuck for longer, more often, and more forcefully than anyone else involved, while remaining in character throughout – and all in front of an audience comprised of both friends and strangers. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are you good with flexible working?
Yes but if you keep asking me to do jobs not in my role, I will quite frankly lose my shit. I will also start and finish at my allocated times as I already give enough time to you arseholes  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you could answer any job vacancy/ interview question’s truthfully, what would the question’s and answer’s be ?
Here’s how I’d like to answer some of the bullshit questions they ask:
Do you enjoy working in a fast-paced environment?
‘Yes, I love when my job causes anxiety, stress and I struggle to sleep at night, all for minimum wage.’
Where do you see yourself in 5 years ?
‘Clinging on as I do now, hopefully with the small zest for life I have left, so I can still do the things I actually want to do.’
What will you bring to the table ?
‘Mostly a dry, sarcastic humour with a dead pan delivery. I’m also good at coming up with nicknames for my work colleagues and supervisors.’
Are you a team player ?
I’m a sociopath, what do you think?!’
What do you see as your greatest weakness?
‘That I have no money, so I have to keep coming to work everyday.’
Can you multitask ?
‘I regularly carry my workshy workmates, yes.’
Why do you want to work for us ?
‘Because unfortunately I wasn’t born into wealth and for some fucked up reason I need money to buy food and stuff.’
Give one example where you’ve shown initiative ?
‘I absolutely will fucking not, thanks for asking.!’
"
You do entertain me |
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