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Help me with 'can we chat'?
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I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.
A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I think they’re just asking if you’re open to chatting. Be that via messaging, cam or phone. Whatever would be mutually convenient.
Whether as a means to kill time, get to know you better or lead the way to sex chat.
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I think it's just men trying to get chatting to you and get to know you .I don't actually see why someone asking would be such a big issue. You either want to start or continue chatting with them or you don't. It's easy enough to say no thanks or ignore the messages.
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By *ynecplCouple
over a year ago
Newcastle upon Tyne |
It is a way of opening the conversation. We reply with a yes and then set some ground rules such as we are not moving off here and we are not interested in swapping photos all our photos that we want people to see are on here.
If it is a single guy we say yes but then explain we are not looking to meet single guys and after 8 years nothing they say will change our minds. That ends 99% of all single guys correspondence. The other 1% will continue to chat and we have had some very interesting and enlightening chats. |
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"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.
A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park."
I've had a couple of those recently.
I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.
Neither replied  |
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"I think it's just men trying to get chatting to you and get to know you .I don't actually see why someone asking would be such a big issue. You either want to start or continue chatting with them or you don't. It's easy enough to say no thanks or ignore the messages.
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They never have anything in their profiles so I have no idea if I want to chat or not - and they've started with this like there's nothing there. I don't do cams, pictures or text sex - I say that in my profile but they never read the profile. It's incredibly passive. I suppose I'm answering my own question, men that do this would drive me to kill things. |
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"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.
A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park.
I've had a couple of those recently.
I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.
Neither replied "
Ohhh good answer. Can I steal that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's probably a numbers game to them they send that same message to a hundred women/cples and 5 respond then they're having better luck than most on here plus its easier than tailoring each message to each individual profile, basically it's a lazy way of an introduction without much thought or effort in my opinion |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's probably a numbers game to them they send that same message to a hundred women/cples and 5 respond then they're having better luck than most on here plus its easier than tailoring each message to each individual profile, basically it's a lazy way of an introduction without much thought or effort in my opinion "
Not necessarily lazy buddy. Often it is just a way of letting that person know they are interested |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.
A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park.
I've had a couple of those recently.
I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.
Neither replied "
I might try that too |
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"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.
A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park."
I've read this three times now. I feel the problem lies with you not them. |
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I'd suggest a response along the lines of
' Hi I keep my first chats short and they are never about sex. '
There are people out there who genuinely haven't chatted to anyone for days. You may be pleasantly surprised.
Don't let it take you to your 'wits end' ... |
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Well it is a bit awkward if you want to contact someone.
I mean there is no way anyone should start off what they would like to do with someone etc.
But how do you start?
Just say Hi? Well that doesn't prick any interest.
Then there isbthe light hearted "funny" which in my experience doesn't work until you actually make contact.
So maybe the "Can we chat?" feels safest one.
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"I do send messages like that as a show of interest without pressure I’m terrible at opening convos so as was said earlier simply saying yes would work it is just a way to see if your interested. "
I've tried that the last few days, it hasn't worked at all. They're literally still texting me about chatting rather than starting a conversation. So it's passive. They want me to talk to them. One of the reasons my profile is what it is, is to give anyone a million things to chat to me about. |
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I do tend to ask to chat and I understand the amount of messages you ladies all receive. There’s times I don’t get a response and when it’s a no it’s a no for me, wouldn’t be disrespectful or be rude and abusive. I prefer honesty and be straight forward. Conversations are very important to me |
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Life is so simple without getting stressed
Some people on here just want to chat to others
Maybe they think it might lead to more or maybe not
You only have to say yes I’ll chat or no I’m not bothered
It’s really really easy |
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"I do tend to ask to chat and I understand the amount of messages you ladies all receive. There’s times I don’t get a response and when it’s a no it’s a no for me, wouldn’t be disrespectful or be rude and abusive. I prefer honesty and be straight forward. Conversations are very important to me"
But why not start with an actual subject. Instead of 'do you want to chat?' If it were me with you, I'd write:
Saw your profile. Yum. The last time I was in Belfast, I saw a fantastic production at the Lyric. Do you go to theatre at all? And do you have a sexy Northern accent? As a Yank I can't get enough of it.
Then if you choose not to respond, it's the same ending. But at least I've offered a bit about me, and I've shown an interest in you - even if I get it wrong.
By the way, I get that this is my issue and not anyone else's. It just feels like a shame though because I don't understand it at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I do tend to ask to chat and I understand the amount of messages you ladies all receive. There’s times I don’t get a response and when it’s a no it’s a no for me, wouldn’t be disrespectful or be rude and abusive. I prefer honesty and be straight forward. Conversations are very important to me
But why not start with an actual subject. Instead of 'do you want to chat?' If it were me with you, I'd write:
Saw your profile. Yum. The last time I was in Belfast, I saw a fantastic production at the Lyric. Do you go to theatre at all? And do you have a sexy Northern accent? As a Yank I can't get enough of it.
Then if you choose not to respond, it's the same ending. But at least I've offered a bit about me, and I've shown an interest in you - even if I get it wrong.
By the way, I get that this is my issue and not anyone else's. It just feels like a shame though because I don't understand it at all. "
Spot on! (You’re making an habit of it) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.
A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park."
They want to fuck but don't want to lead with "can we fuck"...
Don't think it's any more complicated
That said, you are right in that it is bland
If I were looking to chat with you I'd be far more imaginative....  |
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By *WillowxWoman
over a year ago
Oo err Devon |
Same as "can I ask you a question"
I figure it's the senders way of an intro into a convosatio. I'd rather just someone ask me an interesting question, or tell me something about themselves. But I know this is alot more work.. and guys end up writing many more messages to get a response.. but.. I do appreciate a good message. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I get it with my profile saying not meeting, they say they only want to chat…. I ignore but feel like saying sure if you want to talk about how many times my baby has spit up today and what new things I’ve bought him by all means chat because that’s my only chat mode at the moment  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I say "yes OK" then start rattling on about inane shit such as "it was rather cloudy today, hope the weather cheers up as I'm taking Aunty Bloddwyn to have her boil lanced later" and it goes on and on about random shit
They either block me or don't reply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have chatted. I have answered the call. And it's never once turned into an interesting conversation. If someone's first message is that pedestrian, it's not going to get any better.
And yes, I send first messages to men so I do know how to write them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm really asking this because I'm at my wit's end.
A significant amount of messages I get are 'can we chat' messages. Is this code for something I'm unware of? Does this mean on camera? If you have something you want to chat about, just start the conversation. Or is it that you ask to chat expecting me to do the heavy lifting? Asking me to chat is so meta (talking about talking) and it frustrates the fuck out of me so I just don't respond. But it's happening more now so I'm wondering if I'm missing something. I feel like a cat at a dog park.
I've had a couple of those recently.
I replied to say that I am always open to intelligent non sexual conversation.
Neither replied
I might try that too "
They still drift away..of course, I may be too intelligent.. |
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