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The Voice of Self Doubt
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I'm sure many of us have had moments in our lives when that voice in our heads gave us self doubt, making us think we're unattractive and nobody would like us. It's horrible when that happens as it affects the confidence in ourselves and our own bodies.
I used to feel like this in my younger years but now, I'm more confident in myself and my own body and happier being myself. What makes me no longer listen to that voice of self doubt is the friends I have and all the great times we had in the past and will have in the future.
Who else felt like this and managed to overcame it? |
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I used to hate my body. Truly hate it. I may not like it now but I accept it. It ain't anything special it's just a body. Some like me won't like it, others will. That isn't for me to decide.
The self doubt I face now is in other peoples integrity and whether I can spot things that are disingenuous, manipulative or just plain bollocks.
We've all learnt and some the very hard way that people can and will lie about just about anything to seem more appealing to others and over many things from height to the unthinkable for the sympathy vote. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most definitely I’m totally my own worst enemy I wouldn’t say Iv overcome it but I’m definitely more accepting of myself  
Being more accepting in yourself is definitely the step in the right direction   "
This for me too. I became much more confident in terms of sex and relationships once I learned to accept my very average looks, and the fact that people would either like me as I was, in which case happy days, or they wouldn’t which is their preference and not my problem.
Put your time and energy into those who accept you as you are, physically and personality, and you won’t go too far wrong. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Most of my life I’ve been short, fat and ginger.
I’m still short, I’ve lost loads of weight, and my hair is slowly turning white, so getting better, but still think poorly of myself |
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Is self doubt based mostly on how people feel about their looks?
I used to doubt that men would be interested in me once I got to about 50. That wasn't because of how I felt about how I looked it was how I imagined *they* would feel about how I looked. |
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"Is self doubt based mostly on how people feel about their looks?
I used to doubt that men would be interested in me once I got to about 50. That wasn't because of how I felt about how I looked it was how I imagined *they* would feel about how I looked."
I think it is mostly down to appearance. The self doubt could take form when being bullied or teased at school. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think age helps and some true self reflection
Also imagining that your best friend asked you for an honest opinion.. Then replace your friend with yourself and really see yourself through other people's eyes.
It can be a lovely reflection.. And when its not, well, you know what to work on
There are lots of bits of me that I'd like to change, but we are what we are. Self acceptance helps us to move forward and worry less |
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"I think age helps and some true self reflection
Also imagining that your best friend asked you for an honest opinion.. Then replace your friend with yourself and really see yourself through other people's eyes.
It can be a lovely reflection.. And when its not, well, you know what to work on
There are lots of bits of me that I'd like to change, but we are what we are. Self acceptance helps us to move forward and worry less "
This is a good way to do it.
I have sometimes in the past asked my self "Have I heard any complaints?" when it comes to my body despite it being on the hairy side and have a dent in my chest and I would always answer "No" which does give me confidence that there is nothing wrong with my body. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
All the time, I'm my own worst critic. I have wobbles on a regular occasion, and I do sometimes question if here is good for me or if I need to step back, but I have some good friends who bring me back to earth and remind me not to be so self critical and just to be me x |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I don't think I've ever had any hang ups or self-doubt when it comes to my physicality - have always accepted that I'm your typical average bloke, and allowed people to take me or leave me - in fact if anything it's largely been an area I've not been bothered about at all - is only since reaching 50 that I have started to watch my weight for example.
Where I *do* have self-doubt is around my character and abilities that all ties in with self-confidence, couple that with being a classic overthinker and it can be a vicious circle at times - deep down I *know* I'm a decent guy and I manage my doubts as best I can - but I do often find myself pointing fingers at, and questioning, myself when I really shouldn't need to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think I've ever had any hang ups or self-doubt when it comes to my physicality - have always accepted that I'm your typical average bloke, and allowed people to take me or leave me - in fact if anything it's largely been an area I've not been bothered about at all - is only since reaching 50 that I have started to watch my weight for example.
Where I *do* have self-doubt is around my character and abilities that all ties in with self-confidence, couple that with being a classic overthinker and it can be a vicious circle at times - deep down I *know* I'm a decent guy and I manage my doubts as best I can - but I do often find myself pointing fingers at, and questioning, myself when I really shouldn't need to"
Ooooo are you ruminating GM? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"I don't think I've ever had any hang ups or self-doubt when it comes to my physicality - have always accepted that I'm your typical average bloke, and allowed people to take me or leave me - in fact if anything it's largely been an area I've not been bothered about at all - is only since reaching 50 that I have started to watch my weight for example.
Where I *do* have self-doubt is around my character and abilities that all ties in with self-confidence, couple that with being a classic overthinker and it can be a vicious circle at times - deep down I *know* I'm a decent guy and I manage my doubts as best I can - but I do often find myself pointing fingers at, and questioning, myself when I really shouldn't need to
Ooooo are you ruminating GM? "
Nah...cogitating  |
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By *adyP123Woman
over a year ago
Peterborough |
I think we all suffer with self doubt from time to time but the past year or so has really exacerbated it for me. The social isolation and the fact that I’ve piled on the weight during lockdown has seen my confidence plummet.
I’m slowly beginning to pick myself up and emerge back into the world but it’s taking a while as I have to keep giving myself a good talking to!
Reminding myself that everyone suffers moments of self doubt is important, so thanks all for sharing x
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Best piece of advice I have had recently; sometimes the only way to hold on is to keep letting go.
Be you. Own you. What happens, happens. Just be good and kind, don’t expect a reward, don’t expect anything. Don’t define yourself as something media/socially defined, be your best you and self doubt will evaporate. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My confidence runs about the shop like Dr. Jeckyl and Mr. Hyde, I can one moment, be absolutley sure of myself, accepting of my flaws (of which there's a good few!) and take on the world, then a second later be convinced I couldn't be/look/do any worse than I am/do.
Internally I probably teeter on the more pessimistic side, while externally showing a different (confident) personna. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Most definitely I’m totally my own worst enemy I wouldn’t say Iv overcome it but I’m definitely more accepting of myself
Being more accepting in yourself is definitely the step in the right direction
This for me too. I became much more confident in terms of sex and relationships once I learned to accept my very average looks, and the fact that people would either like me as I was, in which case happy days, or they wouldn’t which is their preference and not my problem.
Put your time and energy into those who accept you as you are, physically and personality, and you won’t go too far wrong. "
Wise words indeed.
I need to read and repeat this to myself  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
This for me too. I became much more confident in terms of sex and relationships once I learned to accept my very average looks, and the fact that people would either like me as I was, in which case happy days, or they wouldn’t which is their preference and not my problem.
Put your time and energy into those who accept you as you are, physically and personality, and you won’t go too far wrong.
Wise words indeed.
I need to read and repeat this to myself "
Thanks |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I quite liked my body and who i was....until this afternoon. ... I've no idea anymore..... a little broken as to what i am and what i look like to whom.....  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Where I *do* have self-doubt is around my character and abilities that all ties in with self-confidence, couple that with being a classic overthinker and it can be a vicious circle at times - deep down I *know* I'm a decent guy and I manage my doubts as best I can - but I do often find myself pointing fingers at, and questioning, myself when I really shouldn't need to"
I'm much the same. Never had much doubt over what I look like. I could do with losing a bit of weight (which I have done over the past year) but overall physicality is good.
Self-confidence, being introverted, over thinking, mental health problems all add into the image of myself and being on Fab has helped to improve that to a degree (or at least made me start to look at dealing with things). |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I've felt like this before - during my period, at the end of a relationship. Like maybe I'm not particularly attractive or desirable. I overthink things a lot - like a (not at the time!) ex choosing to spend time talking to other fabbers and not talking to me for a week. Little things dent your confidence, especially when you're prone to overthinking!
I think some part of me always feels like if I look better than perhaps I will be better? People will like me. I'll be less Aspie and more accepted. More normal whatever the fuck that means.
And then I sort of get over myself. I'm fat, that's fair enough. I have a great partner who adores me, friends who boost me constantly and I am actually desirable. I'm not for everyone, of course I'm not. No one is. But I can actually find happiness in me, be content with who I am and how I look because neither of those are bad. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I'm actually ok looking and I'm pretty awesome. And maybe life is too short to be constantly beating myself up and not enjoying it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm sure many of us have had moments in our lives when that voice in our heads gave us self doubt, making us think we're unattractive and nobody would like us. It's horrible when that happens as it affects the confidence in ourselves and our own bodies.
I used to feel like this in my younger years but now, I'm more confident in myself and my own body and happier being myself. What makes me no longer listen to that voice of self doubt is the friends I have and all the great times we had in the past and will have in the future.
Who else felt like this and managed to overcame it?"
I’ve had these feelings all my life. It’s deep rooted in society that we should look a certain way, act a certain way, the ‘hot guys’ at school always went with the tall, blonde, gorgeous girls.
I am still shocked when I meet certain people in person, who are beautiful inside & out, and always question them, is this genuine attraction? Years of rejection, in a long term relationship will also add to the intrusive thoughts & make you question how attractive you really are.
Fab has opened my eyes to a world of new possibilities and it’s been reassuring to know that the typical beauty standards mean FA on here. It’s an empowering space that’s allowed me to tell the self doubt to bugger off and let me enjoy myself!
Meeting new people who are likeminded, who are confident enough in themselves, who all have a few insecurities, too, it’s just so refreshing and I’m glad a friend told me about Fab! When the self doubt is gone, the real fun can begin X
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
And then I sort of get over myself. I'm fat, that's fair enough. I have a great partner who adores me, friends who boost me constantly and I am actually desirable. I'm not for everyone, of course I'm not. No one is. But I can actually find happiness in me, be content with who I am and how I look because neither of those are bad. In fact, I'll go so far as to say I'm actually ok looking and I'm pretty awesome. And maybe life is too short to be constantly beating myself up and not enjoying it. "
It is ! Too short and precious. |
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"I'm sure many of us have had moments in our lives when that voice in our heads gave us self doubt, making us think we're unattractive and nobody would like us. It's horrible when that happens as it affects the confidence in ourselves and our own bodies.
I used to feel like this in my younger years but now, I'm more confident in myself and my own body and happier being myself. What makes me no longer listen to that voice of self doubt is the friends I have and all the great times we had in the past and will have in the future.
Who else felt like this and managed to overcame it?
I’ve had these feelings all my life. It’s deep rooted in society that we should look a certain way, act a certain way, the ‘hot guys’ at school always went with the tall, blonde, gorgeous girls.
I am still shocked when I meet certain people in person, who are beautiful inside & out, and always question them, is this genuine attraction? Years of rejection, in a long term relationship will also add to the intrusive thoughts & make you question how attractive you really are.
Fab has opened my eyes to a world of new possibilities and it’s been reassuring to know that the typical beauty standards mean FA on here. It’s an empowering space that’s allowed me to tell the self doubt to bugger off and let me enjoy myself!
Meeting new people who are likeminded, who are confident enough in themselves, who all have a few insecurities, too, it’s just so refreshing and I’m glad a friend told me about Fab! When the self doubt is gone, the real fun can begin X
"
Fab did the same for me and made me feel more confident and happier than I've ever been. It's gained me some new friends who have always been there for me if I ever felt down or doubted myself which I've always been grateful for. |
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