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By *igTee OP Man
over a year ago
Bradford |
The wife was getting ready for a night out with her mates and came into the living room and asked me to rate her.
After a couple moments of contemplation,
I replied "7 or 8"
"Out of 10?"
She said, smiling, "you're just being nice."
"10?" I replied "I was talking about pints" |
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By *igTee OP Man
over a year ago
Bradford |
My doctor said I have a life threatening illness.
Supposed symptoms are using 90's rap lyrics in everyday conversation.
I'm 23 now but will I live to see 24, the way things are going I don't know. |
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By *igTee OP Man
over a year ago
Bradford |
The postman brings the post to this one house and the wife invites him in, gives him a big slice of cake and a cup of coffee.
Next thing he knows she takes him upstairs to the bedroom and fucks his brains out.
Afterwards she hands him a pound coin "
And he says, ' Hey, what's this?'
And he tries to hand it back but she won't take it.
"It's for you ," she says. " It was my husband's idea." "your husband's idea!?" " Yeah," she says.
"I asked him what should we do for the postman for Christmas, and he said,
"Fuck him, give him a quid." The cake and the coffee were my idea." |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I swear girls can be so ungrateful sometimes. I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of "Thank you", she's all like...
"How the fuck did you get in my house?""
That is my new Facebook status  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My doctor said I have a life threatening illness.
Supposed symptoms are using 90's rap lyrics in everyday conversation.
I'm 23 now but will I live to see 24, the way things are going I don't know."
They're too old to understand this one |
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By *igTee OP Man
over a year ago
Bradford |
"My doctor said I have a life threatening illness.
Supposed symptoms are using 90's rap lyrics in everyday conversation.
I'm 23 now but will I live to see 24, the way things are going I don't know.
They're too old to understand this one "
Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So where's the jokes then?
Waitin for you to post one...;-)
Age before beauty.....after you "
Oh no... My dear Arty... One simply couldnt...
After you old chap... Tally Ho... Pip Pip... And all that...  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gangstas paradise - Coolio. happy days
Bet you googled it 
I certainly didn't... I remember rapping this on stage at a holiday park! "
Omg you admit this!? Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I said to my girlfriend "Please get me a newspaper"
"Don't be silly" she replied, "you can borrow my iPad"
That spider never knew what fucking hit it.
Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in last years riots. Your one year manufacturers warranty runs out soon. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I said to my girlfriend "Please get me a newspaper"
"Don't be silly" she replied, "you can borrow my iPad"
That spider never knew what fucking hit it.
Just a reminder to those who stole electrical goods in last years riots. Your one year manufacturers warranty runs out soon."
Love it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Gangstas paradise - Coolio. happy days
Bet you googled it
I certainly didn't... I remember rapping this on stage at a holiday park!
Omg you admit this!? Lol"
Shit.... Did that come out loud? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So where's the jokes then?
Waitin for you to post one...;-)
Age before beauty.....after you
Oh no... My dear Arty... One simply couldnt...
After you old chap... Tally Ho... Pip Pip... And all that... "
Two birds are sat on a perch, one says to the other "can you smell fish?"
I got woke up 3am this morning by someone shouting "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
I opened the bedroom window and told him to be quiet.
Ten minutes later "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
I threw my trousers on and went to give the bloke a bollocking but when I got there it was a dog with a cleft palate!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Gangstas paradise - Coolio. happy days
Amish Paradise - Weird Al Yankovic
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-VAp62IfXkI"
lol i love amish paradise. also mashhhhhed potatoe!
I was going to tell my tail of a pig. I couldnt though as it was too early!¡! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"My doctor said I have a life threatening illness.
Supposed symptoms are using 90's rap lyrics in everyday conversation.
I'm 23 now but will I live to see 24, the way things are going I don't know."
It's a bit old school but I love it!!
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I swear girls can be so ungrateful sometimes. I made her breakfast in bed, and instead of "Thank you", she's all like...
"How the fuck did you get in my house?""
pmsl  |
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A man walks into his bedroom with a sheep under his arm,his wifes laid in bed and he says "this is the pig Ive been fucking"
The wife says "thats not a pig"
The husband says "I wasnt talking to you" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I got woke up 3am this morning by someone shouting "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
I opened the bedroom window and told him to be quiet.
Ten minutes later "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
I threw my trousers on and went to give the bloke a bollocking but when I got there it was a dog with a cleft palate!
"
Now that's funny |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So where's the jokes then?
Waitin for you to post one...;-)
Age before beauty.....after you
Oh no... My dear Arty... One simply couldnt...
After you old chap... Tally Ho... Pip Pip... And all that...
Two birds are sat on a perch, one says to the other "can you smell fish?"
I got woke up 3am this morning by someone shouting "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
I opened the bedroom window and told him to be quiet.
Ten minutes later "Mark! Mark! Mark!"
I threw my trousers on and went to give the bloke a bollocking but when I got there it was a dog with a cleft palate!
"
See now thats what I call a couple of belters... |
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