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Modern day Dom’s v old fashioned Dom’s
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Which is better modern day or old fashioned Dom’s?
I think some of the modern day ones (especially younger generation) are guided by some of the crap you get on porn websites and maybe aren’t as clued up about safety as they should be.
You’re thoughts on this? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I don't think it's an age or era thing at all - based on twenty odd years experience of an interest as a submissive there have always been those both dominant and submissive who have some very skewed ideas of what D/s means not only to themselves but others too.
The key is knowledge, awareness and experience and age or era doesn't come into it.
When I first had an interest all those years ago there were plenty who didn't have a clue just as there are now. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t like anyone to demonstrate controlling behaviour whether that be in day to day life or in the bedroom
We are all free spirits and anything that prevents that is not good
… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have no idea, as I am not submissive... But ones that assume all women are and go straight into that kinda talk,make me want to give them a paper cut to balls! |
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Porn has a lot to answer for… I’m interested what you mean by modern day?!? What do you see as the change?
There have always been people who invest time and research into the D/S dynamic and those that just think it’s a bit of fun and play a dangerous game. Difference is now the words are better known, yet the true understanding is not as widely understood. |
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By *nooshWoman
over a year ago
Leeds |
Female perspective incoming...
Old fashioned Doms know that respect, understanding someone's mind and body, and presence are what it really takes to be dominant.
New doms thing it's all about degradation, abuse rather than assertiveness and re-enacting dodgy hentai porn.
I refuse to be sub to a pretend dom. For me it's about senses, getting into my mind, submitting to a man's will, not his ability to shout, spit or put their hands on your neck (not allowed to use the ch*** word apparently)
Each to their own with how sadistic or masochistic they want to be, but it's about attitude. Gaining power through submission, not strength. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can someone clarify what Dom/sub actually is? I do respond to a masculine man who is in control without being controlling and is forceful without actually forcing. But I have no interest in being tied up, given orders, being called names or being abused.
Am I into sub/Dom or not? |
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Previously, BDSM and the kink community was regarded as a little bit niche and those involved were well informed and part of a true community.
With an increasingly porn lead culture and mainstreaming of "BDSM" through the likes of 50 Shades, it's lead to a rise of wannabe Doms and people who think being rough to women is the norm. To them, vanilla is the New frigid. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have no idea, as I am not submissive... But ones that assume all women are and go straight into that kinda talk,make me want to give them a paper cut to balls! "
Ha I relate  |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Can someone clarify what Dom/sub actually is? I do respond to a masculine man who is in control without being controlling and is forceful without actually forcing. But I have no interest in being tied up, given orders, being called names or being abused.
Am I into sub/Dom or not?"
And therein lies part of the problem - there is no distinct definition other than the one individuals hold for themselves.
D/s doesn't have to be about "being tied up, given orders, being called names or being abused." but it could be if those involved define it as such and agree that is their dynamic.
D/s is an incredibly broad spectrum that has some very mild things at one end, and incredibly extreme at the other.
From what you describe, I'd suggest you're not into it, just like assertive and respectful men - but that also doesn't mean you're not on the mild end of that spectrum either. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Previously, BDSM and the kink community was regarded as a little bit niche and those involved were well informed and part of a true community.
With an increasingly porn lead culture and mainstreaming of "BDSM" through the likes of 50 Shades, it's lead to a rise of wannabe Doms and people who think being rough to women is the norm. To them, vanilla is the New frigid."
Whilst I think there is a lot in what you say and there has certainly been a rise in popularity of all things "kink" as a result of 50 Shades and on-line porn being more accessible - there were just as many back in the day who had no idea also, but because as you say, it was "niche" it wasn't so obvious. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Bookmarking. Not in a position to comment personally as I don't have the experience over a long enough time. Some of the above comments are interesting though. |
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By *erby DomCouple
over a year ago
Ashbourne(ish) and Chesterfield(ish) |
The problem with this topic is that it is incredibly subjective as to what defines a "modern-day" or indeed an "old fashioned Dom".
I think I get what you are referring to, in the last few years with the help of increased awareness brought on by certain well-known films, BDSM has become more popular.
Modern BDSM porn is sensationalized and not a true reflection of the community as a whole. But, as has already been mentioned BDSM is a very wide-ranging umbrella covering lots of activities from mild to extreme.
My definition of a Dom is my own and will differ from that of others. I believe a dom should nurture and develop anyone who gifts them their submission.
Any D/s relationship should be based upon mutual respect and play within boundaries set out by both parties governed by an SSC (safe, sane & consensual) ethos.
It can involve humiliation, or whatever if that is what both parties are seeking.
The main difference between newer Doms and ones that have been around is simply experience and knowledge. We all started somewhere though and so I would never look down upon someone looking to explore their Dominant side as long as they are looking for improvement which is something we should all be doing on a constant basis.
The new breed of Dom's aren't all dicks, god knows there are plenty of old school dick-doms around.
Whether one likes old school, doms or is wanting to learn and explore with someone new to the scene is a personal choice.
But, old school Doms rock (I may be slightly biassed, and also I may be a dick to some people too LOL).
Live, laugh, explore and be safe. Have fun people.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Female perspective incoming...
Old fashioned Doms know that respect, understanding someone's mind and body, and presence are what it really takes to be dominant.
New doms thing it's all about degradation, abuse rather than assertiveness and re-enacting dodgy hentai porn.
I refuse to be sub to a pretend dom. For me it's about senses, getting into my mind, submitting to a man's will, not his ability to shout, spit or put their hands on your neck (not allowed to use the ch*** word apparently)
Each to their own with how sadistic or masochistic they want to be, but it's about attitude. Gaining power through submission, not strength. "
Agree....Beautifully said! |
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