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A question for all the married men...
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them.  |
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I (Luke) stayed in a sexless relationship for several years. The biggest problem was my wife's behaviour. The sex was minor. I stayed for the children. In the end her behaviour got so bad, I ended up becoming depressed and I had to leave for my own sanity. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
In my situation it was a number of multiple factors.
The kids; I didn’t want to upset them and break up the family.
My partner; she was ill and needed support.
My self esteem; I felt worthless and didn’t believe that anyone would want me.
Fear; the unknown is very scary.
Finances; how would I survive.
I asked myself whether sex was that important and whether I really needed it, in order to be happy and fulfilled in the relationship and I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’.
Ultimately I left because it became clear that my ex was manipulating me, controlling me and emotionally abusing me. I started to unpick everything and realised a lot of things, that was when I left.
Yes, sex is important to me, it’s a large part of how I see myself and it’s important in a relationship for me, I know that now.
I won’t deny that I still bear the scars but I’m glad that I left when I did. I don’t apologise for wanting sex or needing it to be a large part of my life
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
Thank you! 
and thanks for your input .. will reply properly to all soon xx
Got quite a few PMs.. I forgot yo say any ladies in the same position feel free to post too!  xx |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
I mean can you grow old with someone you can’t be honest with?
Not judging your situation but I don’t see a partnership without honesty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
That makes a lot of sense - thank you. There can be quite a few internal conflicts to process in a relationship. |
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By *osmicRobMan
over a year ago
Chorlton cum Hardy |
Good post OP! 
It just shows you that life can be complicated and is not black and white when it comes to so called cheating.
I feel you have to strike the right balance between your sexual desires / needs and responsibilities as a parent. Is sex more important than breaking up with your partner and potentially affecting your childrens' lives negatively? No!
However if you're in a sexless marriage or you're craving a more adventurous sex life (because you missed out earlier on in life) and it gets you down, it will impact your family life. Is it then acceptable to play away or go to clubs, come home and live a happier, more positive family life and be a better father to your kids? I don't know! That's why admire couples who allow their partners to live out their fantasies.
As regards to being ignored and neglected, it sounds like an open conversation needs to be had in order to come to some sort of an agreement. Easier said than done of course! |
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"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired.
I mean can you grow old with someone you can’t be honest with?
Not judging your situation but I don’t see a partnership without honesty."
Millions of people grow old with people they aren't honest with. Honesty in relationships is not as common as we'd like to thank it is |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired.
I mean can you grow old with someone you can’t be honest with?
Not judging your situation but I don’t see a partnership without honesty.
Millions of people grow old with people they aren't honest with. Honesty in relationships is not as common as we'd like to thank it is"
I know but I couldn’t personally. Especially if we were sitting in rocking chairs arguing about who is getting out of the chair first. It’d weigh on my mind. |
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
Do you love him? That’s the question.
I’m still married on paper, I have no desire not to be. We have a wonderful relationship, still do family things, all go on holiday together etc. If the love isn’t there then you need to try and move on. I adore him and vice versa but we are not “in love” anymore and there is no intimacy. We were together 29 years and I can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s the best dad and has been a wonderful husband. The spark just goes sometimes. In fact he’d still come before any other man in my life that’s why I’m not interested in a proper relationship. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Which is one of the reasons why I have never married. I couldn’t stand the thought of someone who says they love me lying about something like that… and there’s no way of knowing if you’ll be together in 20 years. So best not to get married in the first place. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have a superb sex life with my wife.
She is excellent in the sack and does what I want / and vice versa (between ourselves).
However, I am highly sexed and have fantasies that I want to ‘act out’ in the real world.
I have spoken to my wife about a swinging lifestyle, tried to encourage her - but she won’t.
I’ve tried to comfort her and explain that I am happy for her to enjoy the experience of other men (wow how I’d love to witness that) - so it’s not just about me shagging other women.
But again, she has absolutely no desire to do this - and I have to respect HER decision.
That being said - I have my own desires and fantasies that I want to live out (and I also believe that I owe it to myself to act on these).
Life is not a dummy run.
People may find it hard to believe, but I love my wife and family. The last thing I want to do is hurt them - hence why I do this without her knowledge.
Sex to me is nothing more than sex.
An experience.
And I keep it separate from my ‘normal life’.
Hope that makes sense.
X |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I have a superb sex life with my wife.
She is excellent in the sack and does what I want / and vice versa (between ourselves).
However, I am highly sexed and have fantasies that I want to ‘act out’ in the real world.
I have spoken to my wife about a swinging lifestyle, tried to encourage her - but she won’t.
I’ve tried to comfort her and explain that I am happy for her to enjoy the experience of other men (wow how I’d love to witness that) - so it’s not just about me shagging other women.
But again, she has absolutely no desire to do this - and I have to respect HER decision.
That being said - I have my own desires and fantasies that I want to live out (and I also believe that I owe it to myself to act on these).
Life is not a dummy run.
People may find it hard to believe, but I love my wife and family. The last thing I want to do is hurt them - hence why I do this without her knowledge.
Sex to me is nothing more than sex.
An experience.
And I keep it separate from my ‘normal life’.
Hope that makes sense.
X"
Yes, I have met several men with the same line of thinking. And I don’t judge. If it is what they need, so be it.
But I also recommend to them that they are very careful as finding out would be utterly devastating to her. It just takes leaving something in a pocket, a computer screen open on a bank statement... I’ve seen them all. Also careful with the iCloud settings! |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them.
Do you love him? That’s the question.
I’m still married on paper, I have no desire not to be. We have a wonderful relationship, still do family things, all go on holiday together etc. If the love isn’t there then you need to try and move on. I adore him and vice versa but we are not “in love” anymore and there is no intimacy. We were together 29 years and I can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s the best dad and has been a wonderful husband. The spark just goes sometimes. In fact he’d still come before any other man in my life that’s why I’m not interested in a proper relationship. x"
I do love him. Very much. And I think he loves me. HOWEVER...
You have hit the nail on the head with what you’ve said, Nora. “He’d still come first before anyone else”. In my case it is the same... but a few years ago it wasn’t for him. He put his mistress ahead of me a couple of times. Back then it was a battle of wills for me, I wasn’t thinking clearly, or seeing the bigger picture and I just wanted to “win”. I laugh at myself now!  What a trophy to win lol
We’ve had counselling, we have talked (in answer to those of us who have told me very nicely to “speak to him”) I have suggested an open marriage but he says it’s not the same- I shouldn’t be off meeting guys and having sex with them because I am a married woman and a mother  the list goes on.
I just want to feel desired. And wanted. My fab life has saved me from sinking in a deep depression. But I think I am ready for more now. I want a relationship where I am desired and adored. But I also wonder, will I find it? And if I do, will it last?
Lots of thinking! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I originally came of fab with him, years ago. Then a few years ago our marriage just faded, he told he no longer wanted me or found me attractive but it was easier for him to stay as he has a lot of hobbies and wouldn't want to have the children for set times! It broke my heart and so I came on here as a single lady searching for something, I didnt know what....maybe sex, maybe a relationship, something, anything to stop me feeling so shitty. I know realised I want a relationship and to start again with someone which isn't going to happen here I know use it for friendships and a place to pass the time.
People can judge away and ask why stay etc but I have kids and I dont want to break them.
Life isn't always how you expect it to be and not everyone can cope in the same situations. Is it right to cheat, nope! But there is only one go at this so why be miserable |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them.
Do you love him? That’s the question.
I’m still married on paper, I have no desire not to be. We have a wonderful relationship, still do family things, all go on holiday together etc. If the love isn’t there then you need to try and move on. I adore him and vice versa but we are not “in love” anymore and there is no intimacy. We were together 29 years and I can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s the best dad and has been a wonderful husband. The spark just goes sometimes. In fact he’d still come before any other man in my life that’s why I’m not interested in a proper relationship. x"
Can I ask tho. When you say you love him but you aren’t in love with him.
I mean, can you define more?
As I had previous relationships that it ended up being like. I love you as a person (like you would family or friends) but I’m not in love anymore.
I see why some people wouldn’t want to rock the boat, whether for the kids or whatever other reason x I ain’t judging |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I originally came of fab with him, years ago. Then a few years ago our marriage just faded, he told he no longer wanted me or found me attractive but it was easier for him to stay as he has a lot of hobbies and wouldn't want to have the children for set times! It broke my heart and so I came on here as a single lady searching for something, I didnt know what....maybe sex, maybe a relationship, something, anything to stop me feeling so shitty. I know realised I want a relationship and to start again with someone which isn't going to happen here I know use it for friendships and a place to pass the time.
People can judge away and ask why stay etc but I have kids and I dont want to break them.
Life isn't always how you expect it to be and not everyone can cope in the same situations. Is it right to cheat, nope! But there is only one go at this so why be miserable "
Thank you very much for your post.  I completely understand where you’re coming from.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them.
Do you love him? That’s the question.
I’m still married on paper, I have no desire not to be. We have a wonderful relationship, still do family things, all go on holiday together etc. If the love isn’t there then you need to try and move on. I adore him and vice versa but we are not “in love” anymore and there is no intimacy. We were together 29 years and I can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s the best dad and has been a wonderful husband. The spark just goes sometimes. In fact he’d still come before any other man in my life that’s why I’m not interested in a proper relationship. x
I do love him. Very much. And I think he loves me. HOWEVER...
You have hit the nail on the head with what you’ve said, Nora. “He’d still come first before anyone else”. In my case it is the same... but a few years ago it wasn’t for him. He put his mistress ahead of me a couple of times. Back then it was a battle of wills for me, I wasn’t thinking clearly, or seeing the bigger picture and I just wanted to “win”. I laugh at myself now! What a trophy to win lol
We’ve had counselling, we have talked (in answer to those of us who have told me very nicely to “speak to him”) I have suggested an open marriage but he says it’s not the same- I shouldn’t be off meeting guys and having sex with them because I am a married woman and a mother the list goes on.
I just want to feel desired. And wanted. My fab life has saved me from sinking in a deep depression. But I think I am ready for more now. I want a relationship where I am desired and adored. But I also wonder, will I find it? And if I do, will it last?
Lots of thinking! "
I’m so sorry OP, he sounds like he wants his cake and eat it too. I mean he put his mistress first ages ago, and when you suggested about opening the relationship… he couldn’t handle the idea cos it’d bruise his ego…
But at the same time, he leaves you in a sexless marriage. I don’t get it!
I totally understand your frustration and why u are totally baffled by it all |
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It seems to be a rather common experience on here (and I imagine other places where people talk freely).
*Sweeping Statement alert*
It does seem to be more the case that the male half are the ones that end up here, due to lack of intimacy at home.
It was certainly so in my case. For me we had reached the end of the road, but it was not the same for my wife, she was content without intimacy, I wasn't.
That led to bad feeling and arguments, very rarely actually addressing the real issue, as my wife avoided it and would accuse me of only thinking about the sex.
That wasn't really the case, but it did become the most pressing problem over time (4-5 years).
In the end, after proposing a few compromises, I decided to be happy I had to leave.
We are still friends and talk frequently (we have kids and grandkids together, that will never change), but are both in different and happier more positive places now.
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them.
Do you love him? That’s the question.
I’m still married on paper, I have no desire not to be. We have a wonderful relationship, still do family things, all go on holiday together etc. If the love isn’t there then you need to try and move on. I adore him and vice versa but we are not “in love” anymore and there is no intimacy. We were together 29 years and I can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s the best dad and has been a wonderful husband. The spark just goes sometimes. In fact he’d still come before any other man in my life that’s why I’m not interested in a proper relationship. x
Can I ask tho. When you say you love him but you aren’t in love with him.
I mean, can you define more?
As I had previous relationships that it ended up being like. I love you as a person (like you would family or friends) but I’m not in love anymore.
I see why some people wouldn’t want to rock the boat, whether for the kids or whatever other reason x I ain’t judging "
Not at all. Judging doesn’t bother me. Nothing to judge really. It works for us. I mean we don’t have a sexual relationship. I love him more like I love my kids. We get on very well. x |
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them.
Do you love him? That’s the question.
I’m still married on paper, I have no desire not to be. We have a wonderful relationship, still do family things, all go on holiday together etc. If the love isn’t there then you need to try and move on. I adore him and vice versa but we are not “in love” anymore and there is no intimacy. We were together 29 years and I can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s the best dad and has been a wonderful husband. The spark just goes sometimes. In fact he’d still come before any other man in my life that’s why I’m not interested in a proper relationship. x
Can I ask tho. When you say you love him but you aren’t in love with him.
I mean, can you define more?
As I had previous relationships that it ended up being like. I love you as a person (like you would family or friends) but I’m not in love anymore.
I see why some people wouldn’t want to rock the boat, whether for the kids or whatever other reason x I ain’t judging
Not at all. Judging doesn’t bother me. Nothing to judge really. It works for us. I mean we don’t have a sexual relationship. I love him more like I love my kids. We get on very well. x"
If he’s here and stays he’ll often sleep in my bed. We even cuddle lol. It’s a strange and unique situation! I’ve never ever discussed my personal life on here before and that’s probably as far as I’m willing to go but the ops thread seemed to make me want to as I sort of get it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t want to go into the details of my relationship, as I’m not comfortable revealing too much if it, but he was emotionally abusive to me.
I joined here to look for ladies because that’s all he was comfortable with, and stayed for my kids, because I thought it was better for them.
Then I started feeling like I was drowning in mud, being sucked under and I couldn’t deal with it anymore, and I realised I was modelling something to my kids that I wouldn’t want for them. So I left, I’ve never been so scared in all my life, but I’ve never regretted it for even a fraction of a second.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Intersting thoughts and outlooks. We're all different, we all live different lives, but unless I'm misinterpreting it, we're all saying; "I want a piece of my life back that I had before, and (for whatever reason) don't have now, but won't give up the pieces I'm still holding onto"?
or maybe not, now that I'm reading that back, I'm not so sure. I never had that piece to begin with, so I can't 'have it back'. That's just me though. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When I was here before and not single it was fear that stopped me leaving. I was stay at home dad with a part time job living miles away from friends and family. I knew I would loose everything, well everything that means something to me. Dad's, of any kind only get custody 15% of the time and mum needs to be an addict or abusive etc for that 15% to win. A social with a women from here struck it home. She wrongly assumed I was telling a lie about something and it just confirmed to me that I don't want to be that man or father. I left the site, mulled things over and came to the conclusion that if I want to be happy in the long term I need get out. I did and things may be difficult but I've a positive feeling about the future I've not had for a long time. |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"
If he’s here and stays he’ll often sleep in my bed. We even cuddle lol. It’s a strange and unique situation! I’ve never ever discussed my personal life on here before and that’s probably as far as I’m willing to go but the ops thread seemed to make me want to as I sort of get it x"
And thank you for that!
Some people tell me that they have no intimacy... we do. Lots of cuddling, caressing, he touches me all the time. We had a date night last weekend and he couldn’t stop touching my legs lol. But when I get closer in a sexual way he retreats/squirms.. same when I am naked in front of him or getting changed. I am baffled.
But im a way I feel weirdly comforted that I am not the only one... x though I think my very particular situation is quite unique lol.
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"
If he’s here and stays he’ll often sleep in my bed. We even cuddle lol. It’s a strange and unique situation! I’ve never ever discussed my personal life on here before and that’s probably as far as I’m willing to go but the ops thread seemed to make me want to as I sort of get it x
And thank you for that!
Some people tell me that they have no intimacy... we do. Lots of cuddling, caressing, he touches me all the time. We had a date night last weekend and he couldn’t stop touching my legs lol. But when I get closer in a sexual way he retreats/squirms.. same when I am naked in front of him or getting changed. I am baffled.
But im a way I feel weirdly comforted that I am not the only one... x though I think my very particular situation is quite unique lol.
"
Feel free to message me anytime. I totally understand x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them.
Do you love him? That’s the question.
I’m still married on paper, I have no desire not to be. We have a wonderful relationship, still do family things, all go on holiday together etc. If the love isn’t there then you need to try and move on. I adore him and vice versa but we are not “in love” anymore and there is no intimacy. We were together 29 years and I can’t imagine him not in my life. He’s the best dad and has been a wonderful husband. The spark just goes sometimes. In fact he’d still come before any other man in my life that’s why I’m not interested in a proper relationship. x
Can I ask tho. When you say you love him but you aren’t in love with him.
I mean, can you define more?
As I had previous relationships that it ended up being like. I love you as a person (like you would family or friends) but I’m not in love anymore.
I see why some people wouldn’t want to rock the boat, whether for the kids or whatever other reason x I ain’t judging
Not at all. Judging doesn’t bother me. Nothing to judge really. It works for us. I mean we don’t have a sexual relationship. I love him more like I love my kids. We get on very well. x"
Yes it makes total sense and if you get on very well as a couple then even better
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t want to go into the details of my relationship, as I’m not comfortable revealing too much if it, but he was emotionally abusive to me.
I joined here to look for ladies because that’s all he was comfortable with, and stayed for my kids, because I thought it was better for them.
Then I started feeling like I was drowning in mud, being sucked under and I couldn’t deal with it anymore, and I realised I was modelling something to my kids that I wouldn’t want for them. So I left, I’ve never been so scared in all my life, but I’ve never regretted it for even a fraction of a second.
"
Also this is just my opinion, but I’ve seen this happening in relationships. I come from a family that ended up divorcing when I was very young, my mum moved on to have another family (I love them to bits btw)
And I have to say, looking at it, I’m glad that it worked out that way, as the relationship between my mum and dad became stronger and remained amazing friends.
Ive heard of some family tho where they just stay for the kids but the parents barely speak to each other or there’s tension/arguments all the time. I think that’s way less healthy (as kids pick up the bad vibes) than breaking up the family and start over. |
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By *r TriomanMan
over a year ago
Chippenham Malmesbury area |
"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
Wow Jellygiggles, I was struggling to find the words to explain why I don't want to leave my marriage and why I'm on here and you've just done it perfectly for me.
Talking about my marriage is also very rare for me. I made this exception as the OP has raised a valid point and I felt like I could contribute to the discussion (even know if I did nick someone else's words). |
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"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired.
Wow Jellygiggles, I was struggling to find the words to explain why I don't want to leave my marriage and why I'm on here and you've just done it perfectly for me.
Talking about my marriage is also very rare for me. I made this exception as the OP has raised a valid point and I felt like I could contribute to the discussion (even know if I did nick someone else's words)."
Wow op has a magic power. I never ever talk about my personal life on here and probably never will again! She must have a magic spell |
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"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
Well put. Most of that applies to me. We have carved out a good life together, supported one another through a number of tough life experiences, and we have a huge amount of fun together.
But she’s just not interested in sex, and when she is, she likes it quite differently to how I do (I’m far more into long slow sensual sessions, she just isn’t).
Nagging her or trying to drag her into sexual activity that she just isn’t interested in seems like a pretty poor idea. Why cause friction? Easier to enjoy what we have. |
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Oh my goodness OP, I could of written your post myself!
Absolutely exactly the same.
I love her so much, but there is zero intimacy from her. We get on so well, constantly laughing and having fun, two kids between us, etc.
I'm always wanting to touch her as she's so sexy, but she cringes.
Yes I know I'm bad for being here, and I never get very far, but I love the site, and love sexual banter it provides. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of people think its about sex and perhaps it is for some. However, affection, intimacy, tenderness, feeling wanted, noticed are all part of the mix of what can be missing in a relationship. Some people look for those missing aspects and in different ways. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We've been together for over 20 years, and in the last 5-7 years my wife has slowly become increasingly disinterested in anything physical. Any lovemaking we do have is sporadic and to be honest feels like going through the motions. It feels like we're slowly going from husband and wife to friends that live in the same house - but we have young kids too which I'm pretty sure is a factor in the decline in intimacy. And to be honest, that's what I'm missing - intimacy. We get on really well, we have similar interests, we do a lot of fun things as a family. I still love her, and I think she looks absolutely gorgeous, but the attraction physically just feels like one-way traffic. I see her naked, I want to wrap me arms around her and feel her against me. I'm 100% certain when she looks at me naked, she feels nothing.
We've talked about it a number of times, but never really got anywhere, and we even tried counselling briefly. I have pretty low self-esteem so the lack of physicality in our relationship is actually affecting my mental health, as it's hammering an already hefty lack of self-confidence in my looks and body.
We love each other, but I'm not sure we're IN love any more. I buy her flowers, I take her out to dinner, I try to give her massages to feel good - there's nothing in return. And that's not a case of 'well I bought you flowers, where's my blowjob?', it's a case of 'I'm doing this for you, what are you doing for me?' So that's why I'm here, to hopefully find out if there's a woman who DOES find me attractive, and who DOES actually want something physical.
Bit of a ramble, not actually sure if I managed to get a point across, but there you go. |
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"A lot of people think its about sex and perhaps it is for some. However, affection, intimacy, tenderness, feeling wanted, noticed are all part of the mix of what can be missing in a relationship. Some people look for those missing aspects and in different ways."
Absolutely. And most of the things that you describe can still be in place without there being much (or indeed any) sex.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow op has a magic power. I never ever talk about my personal life on here and probably never will again! She must have a magic spell "
Lol this is the most unusual cheaters thread I've ever seen. So many of us who usually avoid discussing our personal lives. It's been nice to see that I'm not alone. There is more to a marriage than sex - more to it than love too. It's so much more complex and it's been nice to see people explore that safely here. I wasn't seeking validation, just empathy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Wow op has a magic power. I never ever talk about my personal life on here and probably never will again! She must have a magic spell
Lol this is the most unusual cheaters thread I've ever seen. So many of us who usually avoid discussing our personal lives. It's been nice to see that I'm not alone. There is more to a marriage than sex - more to it than love too. It's so much more complex and it's been nice to see people explore that safely here. I wasn't seeking validation, just empathy. "
I second that.
Thank you. |
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"Wow op has a magic power. I never ever talk about my personal life on here and probably never will again! She must have a magic spell
Lol this is the most unusual cheaters thread I've ever seen. So many of us who usually avoid discussing our personal lives. It's been nice to see that I'm not alone. There is more to a marriage than sex - more to it than love too. It's so much more complex and it's been nice to see people explore that safely here. I wasn't seeking validation, just empathy. "
I’m not really seeking either. I’ve never really concerned myself with what strangers think but it’s certainly an interesting thread. And nice that people haven’t been jumped on as usual xx |
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By *tew008Man
over a year ago
edinburgh |
"If you did love someone I dunno how you couldn’t be honest with them. Maybe I’m just weird 
I can’t speak for everyone but I am. "
Yea I can respect your choice. I wouldn’t judge anyone else’s either as I’ve not experienced what they have. From my own view I couldn’t hide it from someone if I cared about their feelings. They don’t intersect in my mind. |
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"If you did love someone I dunno how you couldn’t be honest with them. Maybe I’m just weird
I can’t speak for everyone but I am.
Yea I can respect your choice. I wouldn’t judge anyone else’s either as I’ve not experienced what they have. From my own view I couldn’t hide it from someone if I cared about their feelings. They don’t intersect in my mind."
I’ve always said and I always will say about anything in life. Unless you’re in that situation you’ve no idea what you would do. |
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By *B69Woman
over a year ago
Wiltshire |
Bravo OP and all the brave posters, this is such a breath of fresh air to read, I see myself in so many of the posts on here, I’m not going to explain my situation as it’s so personal to me but it’s uplifting to know I’m not alone, thank you x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bravo OP and all the brave posters, this is such a breath of fresh air to read, I see myself in so many of the posts on here, I’m not going to explain my situation as it’s so personal to me but it’s uplifting to know I’m not alone, thank you x"
You're fairly local to me, if you ever need a non-judgemental stranger to let off steam to. |
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"If you did love someone I dunno how you couldn’t be honest with them. Maybe I’m just weird
I can’t speak for everyone but I am.
Yea I can respect your choice. I wouldn’t judge anyone else’s either as I’ve not experienced what they have. From my own view I couldn’t hide it from someone if I cared about their feelings. They don’t intersect in my mind.
I’ve always said and I always will say about anything in life. Unless you’re in that situation you’ve no idea what you would do. "
I agree with this. I dont get involved with married / attached men on this site as the possible drama is not worth it nor is the complications of seeing him. But i don't judge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole) |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I see her naked, I want to wrap me arms around her and feel her against me. I'm 100% certain when she looks at me naked, she feels nothing.
We've talked about it a number of times, but never really got anywhere, and we even tried counselling briefly. I have pretty low self-esteem so the lack of physicality in our relationship is actually affecting my mental health, as it's hammering an already hefty lack of self-confidence in my looks and body.
We love each other, but I'm not sure we're IN love any more. I buy her flowers, I take her out to dinner, I try to give her massages to feel good - there's nothing in return. And that's not a case of 'well I bought you flowers, where's my blowjob?', it's a case of 'I'm doing this for you, what are you doing for me?' So that's why I'm here, to hopefully find out if there's a woman who DOES find me attractive, and who DOES actually want something physical.
Bit of a ramble, not actually sure if I managed to get a point across, but there you go."
Wow, this is exactly how I feel. Just in reverse.
He was playing online chess on his ipad first thing this morning... the bedcovers was partially covering him. I could see his beautiful, powerful legs and his hips. I got closer and started kissing his tummy, which isn’t as flat or toned as it was 20 years ago but I am still very much attracted to him. I wasn’t even after any sex... just wanted to enjoy an intimate moment before the rest of the house woke up.
I got “I am in the middle of a game of chess...”
Which is what spurred me to post here I suppose. Thank you to all who have shared their experiences. Most of the time I don’t mind- my fab life really makes up for all of it, but it was at times like this morning that I wonder... what the hell am I doing here? |
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I stayed for the kids until one day I snapped and we agreed to part company just over a year from that day. I didn’t want to upset the kids but they were fine never bothered at all. I’d started ‘cheating’ a year prior to the discussion after I’d made the decision it was over and I was just waiting for the right time. Kids are more resilient than you think and there is happiness out there for everyone.
I’m now 3 years free of a controlling relationship with someone who just wanted kids and a mother that ticked all the boxes. It feels great |
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What a incredible thread to read ! I feel for everyone and their different situations. We’ve been together over 25 years. We have had quantum shifts in our relationship at times due to illness and events beyond anyone’s control ! Their have been times when I’ve nearly given up but things have changed, the pendulum has swung again !
We became parents late in life having been told we couldn’t have kids. Sometimes we make love several times a week, sometimes not for a few weeks.
Our relationship is a fluid living thing and thankfully we talk a lot and come to compromises !
One thing I have learned is everyone’s relationship is different. Their is no right or wrong.
I couldn’t last in a relationship without sexual intimacy with my significant other !
And what non swingers don’t understand is how turned on I get watching her being fucked, suck other men’s cocks and play with other ladies !
Life and love is very strange and very complex !
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"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)"
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not. |
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"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not. "
I’ll second that I only met married men |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
This has been a lovely thread - really interesting (and sad at the same time) to read.
It does show once again that things are not always what they seem to be and making assumptions about other people is a dangerous, unhelpful thing. |
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"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not.
I’ll second that I only met married men "
I prefer it. More likely to only want to meet one person, which is what I want and unlikely to want to run off with me, which is what I don’t want  |
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"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not.
I’ll second that I only met married men
I prefer it. More likely to only want to meet one person, which is what I want and unlikely to want to run off with me, which is what I don’t want "
Funnily enough they did only meet me but that wasn’t my aim. Don’t be so sure about the running off with you, I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years with the last one I met |
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"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not.
I’ll second that I only met married men
I prefer it. More likely to only want to meet one person, which is what I want and unlikely to want to run off with me, which is what I don’t want
Funnily enough they did only meet me but that wasn’t my aim. Don’t be so sure about the running off with you, I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years with the last one I met "
Oh . A FWB relationship can last as long as. I just don’t want to be living with anyone . That’s not gonna happen ever again! |
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"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not.
I’ll second that I only met married men
I prefer it. More likely to only want to meet one person, which is what I want and unlikely to want to run off with me, which is what I don’t want
Funnily enough they did only meet me but that wasn’t my aim. Don’t be so sure about the running off with you, I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years with the last one I met
Oh . A FWB relationship can last as long as. I just don’t want to be living with anyone . That’s not gonna happen ever again! "
We don’t live in the same county currently but we will do soon. Not the same house though, for now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
Love this…..very similar to my situation.
My wife is the only one for me, there’s no-one else I want to accidentally switch dentures with in 40 years.
But she was into her kinks before we ever met, it was only the circumstances under which we did that led to the perfectly lovely vanilla sex life we had for a long time.
Time has moved on and she’s in a place now where her kinks appeal again and vanilla does not; I don’t share her kinks, so we decided to play separately. No reason not to and certainly no reason to split up when everything else is fine.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I know this was about there being secrecy about playing and that’s not my situation; our open marriage was jointly agreed.
I just thought this sort of arrangement warranted air time, as I see it’s often assumed not to exist here, which is sad. |
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FWIW I've been married 23 years. Much as I love my wife and have always wanted her to be the only woman in my life it's not been a happy or easy time. She's always had anxiety issues, been on anti depressants and has now just admitted that she's been addicted to codeine for the past 8 years which she is thankfully getting help for. However two years into our marriage our son arrived and he was the most special thing ever to happen to me. However unhappy I was at taking the brunt of my wife's problems I couldn't bear the thought of moving out of our home into a flat or bedsit and seeing him possibly at weekends only. Then my daughter came along when I was 46 and that made it even more difficult to get out. For all those saying about flowers, housework etc, even she will admit I do about 80% of our housework. I'm now 61 and my daughter's 14 and already having issues, I simply cannot go and leave her. It really isn't as easy as some people seem to think. As for sex, she's not interested, we do occasionally do it but she's really not bothered about me getting it elsewhere, in fact I think it would suit her as there'd be less pressure on her. This isn't me looking for sympathy or excuses, it's to say that not all married men are cheating bastards and that if people on here don't want to go down that route, understandably, please don't judge us all by the same views |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not.
I’ll second that I only met married men
I prefer it. More likely to only want to meet one person, which is what I want and unlikely to want to run off with me, which is what I don’t want
Funnily enough they did only meet me but that wasn’t my aim. Don’t be so sure about the running off with you, I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years with the last one I met
Oh . A FWB relationship can last as long as. I just don’t want to be living with anyone . That’s not gonna happen ever again! "
I’ve been with my main FWB for a bit over 2 years. Best ones in my life, tbh. He’s married too and presents same reasons as guys here do. He is definitely not an asshole and neither am I. I sometimes fantasise with us running off into the sunset but it’s not practical really. He wants kids. And as we say where I come from, I am an old hen which is only good to make broth now, lol
I sent him a PM venting this morning, lol
Thank you everyone. I started this thread with some trepidation as I thought it would be full of “cheaters scum of the earth” posts lol, or worse even, being ignored. But it’s great to read so much insight. Thank you all who have private messaged me. Trying to reply to as many people as I can but starting to feel rubbish post vaccine... xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve never been married, but in longer term relationships I’ve always found that the sex peters out after a couple of years. I acknowledge that happens now and i’ve decided the solution is to not have long-term relationships. Previously I just moved on from the relationship when the sex died and everything else went a bit shit.
Now I’m single in my 40s I (inadvertently) find myself encountering men who are married on sites. I’m not interested in dating or sleeping with a cheater though.
But when I’ve asked guys why they’re doing it they will say things like they don’t want to get divorced because they don’t want their wife to have any of “their” money. (But if you wanted to keep “your” money to yourself why get married!!)
I’ve also encountered men who don’t want to leave until they have another woman lined up, because they just can’t face being single.
Obviously this is just my experience I’m not making any sweeping statements!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t want to go into the details of my relationship, as I’m not comfortable revealing too much if it, but he was emotionally abusive to me.
I joined here to look for ladies because that’s all he was comfortable with, and stayed for my kids, because I thought it was better for them.
Then I started feeling like I was drowning in mud, being sucked under and I couldn’t deal with it anymore, and I realised I was modelling something to my kids that I wouldn’t want for them. So I left, I’ve never been so scared in all my life, but I’ve never regretted it for even a fraction of a second.
"
Were you bi-curious before you met him?
Or was that something he led/pushed/encouraged you into...because that's what he wanted to see?
I know you don't feel comfortable talking about too much publicly.
There is a reason I am asking this. |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I’ve never been married, but in longer term relationships I’ve always found that the sex peters out after a couple of years. I acknowledge that happens now and i’ve decided the solution is to not have long-term relationships. Previously I just moved on from the relationship when the sex died and everything else went a bit shit.
Now I’m single in my 40s I (inadvertently) find myself encountering men who are married on sites. I’m not interested in dating or sleeping with a cheater though.
But when I’ve asked guys why they’re doing it they will say things like they don’t want to get divorced because they don’t want their wife to have any of “their” money. (But if you wanted to keep “your” money to yourself why get married!!)
I’ve also encountered men who don’t want to leave until they have another woman lined up, because they just can’t face being single.
Obviously this is just my experience I’m not making any sweeping statements!!"
Yes, that is an argent that comes up a lot... I suppose it works when you have a lot of assets. We don’t. And my husband earns a very good salary... but with the child maintenance calculator, assuming I had the kids most of the time and he had them every other weekend, with the CM, my part time job at the time, and some benefit claim, I would have barely been able to pay the rent where I live now and possibly have £200 a month left over to pay for petrol to go to work. The child maintenance isn’t even 20% of his salary according to the calculator.
As for him, he would have got total freedom, 80% of his salary, kids only every other weekend and then spend all the time with his mistress. Haha. No way José!
But now that I have a fulltime job, older kids, I might be the one who moves out.... shoe on the other foot and all that. |
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"What can be frustrating is that some profiles I've read say 'No married men, if you're not getting it at home, try buying her flowers or doing the washing up'.
Sometimes it's a LOT more complicated than that. (OK, based on some of the stories I've heard from female friends, most of the time it isn't, but I'd be confident in saying not every married man on here is an asshole)
I am totally confident in saying that from a female point of view. No they are definitely not.
I’ll second that I only met married men
I prefer it. More likely to only want to meet one person, which is what I want and unlikely to want to run off with me, which is what I don’t want
Funnily enough they did only meet me but that wasn’t my aim. Don’t be so sure about the running off with you, I’ve been in a relationship for 4 years with the last one I met
Oh . A FWB relationship can last as long as. I just don’t want to be living with anyone . That’s not gonna happen ever again!
I’ve been with my main FWB for a bit over 2 years. Best ones in my life, tbh. He’s married too and presents same reasons as guys here do. He is definitely not an asshole and neither am I. I sometimes fantasise with us running off into the sunset but it’s not practical really. He wants kids. And as we say where I come from, I am an old hen which is only good to make broth now, lol
I sent him a PM venting this morning, lol
Thank you everyone. I started this thread with some trepidation as I thought it would be full of “cheaters scum of the earth” posts lol, or worse even, being ignored. But it’s great to read so much insight. Thank you all who have private messaged me. Trying to reply to as many people as I can but starting to feel rubbish post vaccine... xx "
I’m glad it went the way it did x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve never been married, but in longer term relationships I’ve always found that the sex peters out after a couple of years. I acknowledge that happens now and i’ve decided the solution is to not have long-term relationships. Previously I just moved on from the relationship when the sex died and everything else went a bit shit.
Now I’m single in my 40s I (inadvertently) find myself encountering men who are married on sites. I’m not interested in dating or sleeping with a cheater though.
But when I’ve asked guys why they’re doing it they will say things like they don’t want to get divorced because they don’t want their wife to have any of “their” money. (But if you wanted to keep “your” money to yourself why get married!!)
I’ve also encountered men who don’t want to leave until they have another woman lined up, because they just can’t face being single.
Obviously this is just my experience I’m not making any sweeping statements!!
Yes, that is an argent that comes up a lot... I suppose it works when you have a lot of assets. We don’t. And my husband earns a very good salary... but with the child maintenance calculator, assuming I had the kids most of the time and he had them every other weekend, with the CM, my part time job at the time, and some benefit claim, I would have barely been able to pay the rent where I live now and possibly have £200 a month left over to pay for petrol to go to work. The child maintenance isn’t even 20% of his salary according to the calculator.
As for him, he would have got total freedom, 80% of his salary, kids only every other weekend and then spend all the time with his mistress. Haha. No way José!
But now that I have a fulltime job, older kids, I might be the one who moves out.... shoe on the other foot and all that. "
Yeah this seems depressingly common. Women are often financially disadvantaged by divorce, but the general attitude is that “she makes off with ‘his’ money” As if she hasn’t been working to raise the kids and that in a marriage, money is shared (unless previously agreed on)
I hope you manage to spread your wings soon!! |
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I was in a controlling marriage and didn’t enjoy sex with my husband as I neither liked or loved him but stayed to protect my children. When my children became teenagers I felt I needed to split with him to protect my children (long story) so I was fortunate that between my wage and tax credits (I’m not ashamed as I have worked since I was 16) I was able to buy my ex out of the family home. I managed to work full time and studying full time so now have my degree and a decent wage to support my family.
He had affairs through your marriage and never put me first but never had the balls to leave. Our fore play was “do you want to roll over” and it was as quick as I could get through it
I felt sorry for him at times as he needed sex and I didn’t but he would never leave.
When we split I supported him financially and emotionally for 5 years until he eventually found someone who was happy to be controlled and obedient. He now doesn’t even see our children (young adults) but we are all happier with less stress.
On a happier note I discovered I do in fact love sex with the right people and here I am |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a fantastic question, I am in a very similar situation where my wife is really disinterested in sex, it makes me feel unwanted so I guess being here is an attention thing, the need to feel wanted. I feel loved but not desired and that hurts me. I stay as we have 3 kids and we are great friends, financial is probs a reason too, who knows what will happen when the kids are older. Good post and an interesting topic. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wanted and taken for granted that's the fine line.
We never argue or fight we do alot together and enjoy life.
But it's the taken for granted.
Hot and cold affection more cold than hot.
Them few hours (only done two meets with one person) it makes me feel wanted. Two meets in 6 months. If i was doing in every week then I would end it and move on.
It's that short time that makes me forget about everything and just me.
Selfish yes but we are human and we all deal with life different. |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
My god I feel so much better after reading so many people are in similar situations as myself, I have tried to avoid the subject especially on the forums for fear of being bashed again and again, thank you all for being so open and honest as it's been a great help to read through. |
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Great discussion! I have so much to say on this subject I’ve actually written a book. It’s the higher libido female perspective. I’m looking to self publish it in a couple of weeks. I would love anyone in this audience to have a read for free and give me their feedback when it’s out. If there are any takers please let me know and soon as it’s out I will tell you xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great discussion! I have so much to say on this subject I’ve actually written a book. It’s the higher libido female perspective. I’m looking to self publish it in a couple of weeks. I would love anyone in this audience to have a read for free and give me their feedback when it’s out. If there are any takers please let me know and soon as it’s out I will tell you xx "
Very emotive subject and nice to hear people’s thoughts.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m invisible at home, taken for granted, lonely and I really miss the intimacy etc… my husband says he’s happy and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with our relationship even though I’ve told him how I feel many times. We have young children one with additional needs so really I’m just trying to hold it all together for them for as long as I can. |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I’m invisible at home, taken for granted, lonely and I really miss the intimacy etc… my husband says he’s happy and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with our relationship even though I’ve told him how I feel many times. We have young children one with additional needs so really I’m just trying to hold it all together for them for as long as I can. "
Thank you for your post. I can totally relate. Mine also says there is nothing wrong with our marriage... it took me leaving for a couple of weeks for him to accept going to counselling... x
I hope you are well and enjoying your Fab journey. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’m invisible at home, taken for granted, lonely and I really miss the intimacy etc… my husband says he’s happy and doesn’t think there’s anything wrong with our relationship even though I’ve told him how I feel many times. We have young children one with additional needs so really I’m just trying to hold it all together for them for as long as I can.
Thank you for your post. I can totally relate. Mine also says there is nothing wrong with our marriage... it took me leaving for a couple of weeks for him to accept going to counselling... x
I hope you are well and enjoying your Fab journey. "
Hope everyone finds posting useful x
Been there myself and took me too long to make the decision I should have much sooner x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
I stay because I love my wife, we have no sex as she has a spinal issue which is painful when any pressure is exerted, this has been ongoing since 2009, we have been married for over 40 years. I will not desert her, but I do look for sex outside our marriage, doesn't happen often though  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great discussion! I have so much to say on this subject I’ve actually written a book. It’s the higher libido female perspective. I’m looking to self publish it in a couple of weeks. I would love anyone in this audience to have a read for free and give me their feedback when it’s out. If there are any takers please let me know and soon as it’s out I will tell you xx "
It is an intersting subject matter, a great ammount of open debate too, it's good to see.
This book does sound intersting, but as one of 'those' we have been talking about, not sure I'd get away with leaving that one lying on the coffee table without being quizzed about why I was reading it!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my situation it was a number of multiple factors.
The kids; I didn’t want to upset them and break up the family.
My partner; she was ill and needed support.
My self esteem; I felt worthless and didn’t believe that anyone would want me.
Fear; the unknown is very scary.
Finances; how would I survive.
I asked myself whether sex was that important and whether I really needed it, in order to be happy and fulfilled in the relationship and I didn’t want to be ‘that guy’.
Ultimately I left because it became clear that my ex was manipulating me, controlling me and emotionally abusing me. I started to unpick everything and realised a lot of things, that was when I left.
Yes, sex is important to me, it’s a large part of how I see myself and it’s important in a relationship for me, I know that now.
I won’t deny that I still bear the scars but I’m glad that I left when I did. I don’t apologise for wanting sex or needing it to be a large part of my life
"
Thank you for writing everything i wanted to say, its uncanny what youve written. I will say tho, we are both happier now we have seperated, so as much as it was a sexless Marriage, ive moved on to fulfill my fantasies and she has moved on to fulfill her feeling of needing independance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I hope all the comments get read and get a better understanding for why some of us are on here.
You don't have to support or completely agree with what we do. Just accept that other people situations are completely different.
To all the couples that do this together, hats off you found a perfect match.
If I every come out of my current relationship I will start a Polyamory relationships as I feel that I have a lot to give to multiple people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In sort sometimes you fall I love with a person you are not sexually compatible with, but everything else is perfect you would rather live with rejection then not live with them at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love her as a person but her lack of sex drive frustrates me.
Both over 50 so not expecting wild sex. But even a small improvenent would help.
Guess having a full house 2 adult children neither of them sexualy active plus a teenager ( almost) doesnt help never a quiet second here. |
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This is a great thread. Some really positive stories here.
I can relate to much of this about being stuck in a bad marriage. That was six years ago for me. The last six years have been brilliant. There is another way. You’ve just got to go for it! |
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Great thread, I don’t normally read every comment.
I’ve been with my wife 18 years and I think she is sexier now than when we got together sex is good but she doesn’t have no where near the sex drive I do.
She isn’t into receiving much four play and most of the time she only has sex with me to keep me happy.
She isn’t overly affectionate towards me outside the bedroom as she says it encourages me to want even more sex.
I haven’t cheated on her as she is the love of my life, I’ve suggested we try swinging but she isn’t interested at all, I’d love to see her have sex with someone else.
I joined here because it’s my ultimate fantasy to have a ffm threesome, I have her permission to do this as she has said she will never do it.
Obviously the two women threesome is like hens teeth so I’m just here to look at the
sexy ladies photos and read the forums!! |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"Great thread, I don’t normally read every comment.
I’ve been with my wife 18 years and I think she is sexier now than when we got together sex is good but she doesn’t have no where near the sex drive I do.
She isn’t into receiving much four play and most of the time she only has sex with me to keep me happy.
She isn’t overly affectionate towards me outside the bedroom as she says it encourages me to want even more sex.
I haven’t cheated on her as she is the love of my life, I’ve suggested we try swinging but she isn’t interested at all, I’d love to see her have sex with someone else.
I joined here because it’s my ultimate fantasy to have a ffm threesome, I have her permission to do this as she has said she will never do it.
Obviously the two women threesome is like hens teeth so I’m just here to look at the
sexy ladies photos and read the forums!! "
Thanks for commenting!
My husband has an ultimate fantasy of having sex with an oriental woman. At first I found this very threatening and deeply insulting, as I am literally from the other side of the world and look completely different, bar the black hair I suppose! But in the spirit of spicing things up, I have suggested we look for someone ... that we go to clubs, that we go to BGHS which is pretty tame, and he is horrified by it all. Lol. So I am trying to facilitate his desires, but it is like hitting a brick wall.
Any of you guys watching Sex/Life on Netflix? I found the first couple episodes yawnsome but it is picking up now! On episode 6 they say... is it worth thorwing all of it away when 85% is amazing and just that 15% (sex) is missing? Food for thought!
As a side note, my husband kept rubbing himself on my butt as we stood/danced at a gig last night (my latest photo, he must have liked the butt in those trousers lol) and stuck his hands inside it felt great. But still no nookie coming home lol |
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"Great thread, I don’t normally read every comment.
I’ve been with my wife 18 years and I think she is sexier now than when we got together sex is good but she doesn’t have no where near the sex drive I do.
She isn’t into receiving much four play and most of the time she only has sex with me to keep me happy.
She isn’t overly affectionate towards me outside the bedroom as she says it encourages me to want even more sex.
I haven’t cheated on her as she is the love of my life, I’ve suggested we try swinging but she isn’t interested at all, I’d love to see her have sex with someone else.
I joined here because it’s my ultimate fantasy to have a ffm threesome, I have her permission to do this as she has said she will never do it.
Obviously the two women threesome is like hens teeth so I’m just here to look at the
sexy ladies photos and read the forums!!
Thanks for commenting!
My husband has an ultimate fantasy of having sex with an oriental woman. At first I found this very threatening and deeply insulting, as I am literally from the other side of the world and look completely different, bar the black hair I suppose! But in the spirit of spicing things up, I have suggested we look for someone ... that we go to clubs, that we go to BGHS which is pretty tame, and he is horrified by it all. Lol. So I am trying to facilitate his desires, but it is like hitting a brick wall.
Any of you guys watching Sex/Life on Netflix? I found the first couple episodes yawnsome but it is picking up now! On episode 6 they say... is it worth thorwing all of it away when 85% is amazing and just that 15% (sex) is missing? Food for thought!
As a side note, my husband kept rubbing himself on my butt as we stood/danced at a gig last night (my latest photo, he must have liked the butt in those trousers lol) and stuck his hands inside it felt great. But still no nookie coming home lol "
It's a great thread without the judgement that usually accompanies these discussions. Im excited at the thought of gigs again! Didn't realise they were back...was it a big venue / crowd? Or pub gig? |
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Normally i would steer clear of threads like these as it makes me think too much about my own situation and that not good for me as i hate where i'm at but i just do not have the bollocks to change it for the better.
Looking from the outside we have supposidly the ultimate relationship, been together 30 odd years and married for close to that too and have 3 amazing people that I am so proud of as a result.
But.. and there is always a but, so while i love her to death and always will there is no longer any sexual chemistry between us whatsoever and at this point in time it goes both ways so its not just one sided and woe is me becuase ultimately we all want to feel desired and wanted but sometimes that spark just dies.
I still do and actually think that i will always see this person as my bestest friend forever, we've been through so much together in the past years for that not to be the case. But then maybe thats the sticking point for both of us.
We still do so much together and from the outside in all is hunky dory, but it's not. We still both try but ultimately it will never be enough, so sad to actually type but in the same instance so refreshing to get it out there.
I'll get the violins out now and say that we have not been intimate in the last 2 years, whatsoever. Yes, I still kiss her goodnight every single day, but thats as far as intimacy goes. We don't even just have a snuggle no more as its deemed to be me trying it on, which i do get as its probably true so i feel i can longer even try to do that without there being an ulterior motive.
Yes, we have tried to talk in the past but it comes to a point where talk is just that, talk and just ends up not in an argument but both of us feeling it was just a pointless exercise as neither of us know how to resolve the issue.
This then brings up the question as to why to be on fab when you're married and I actually don't have an honest answer to that...maybe its that feeling of wanting to be wanted and desired, even it is from afar or maybe its trying to connect with someone that can actually make me feel alive again and the kick up the arse i actually need for me to be happy...
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I relate to a lot of what has been said here.
Married but rarely is there any sex. And I like sex...
I stay because of the kids mostly, but it feels dishonest.
Do we still love other? Mostly but it’s difficult. She has MH issues and I would be an arse to leave because of that.
Tough one! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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". is it worth thorwing all of it away when 85% is amazing and just that 15% (sex) is missing? Food for thought!
"
This is pretty much how I feel. I have been sharing my life with somebody for nearly twenty years. It’s been twenty years of building something together, twenty years of making compromises, supporting each other, being there for one another, sharing perfect moments and difficult ones too.
The sexual attraction dwindled away over time but there is so much more to our relationship than sex.
And I don’t want to sacrifice that because I’m frustrated in one way or another.
Life is not perfect and neither is our relationship. But we adapt and make it work: we put up with aspects of our partner we don’t like so much because there are so many other aspects we do like.
My fab life gave me a balance. It allowed to get read of my frustration which I came to realise was making me bitter and had a negative impact on us.
Is it immoral as she isn’t aware? Possibly. Some will see it as betrayal. And yes, I’m an awful cheat to them.
But that secret part of my life makes me feel more fulfilled, more content. And that in turns makes me an easier person to live with and we enjoy all the more all the other aspects of our relationship.
I consider that it would be selfish of me to take away from her everything we build together. I feel like I have responsibility and my commitment is strong. I’m not going to give up and walk away because one aspect of our live is gone.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
". is it worth thorwing all of it away when 85% is amazing and just that 15% (sex) is missing? Food for thought!
This is pretty much how I feel. I have been sharing my life with somebody for nearly twenty years. It’s been twenty years of building something together, twenty years of making compromises, supporting each other, being there for one another, sharing perfect moments and difficult ones too.
The sexual attraction dwindled away over time but there is so much more to our relationship than sex.
And I don’t want to sacrifice that because I’m frustrated in one way or another.
Life is not perfect and neither is our relationship. But we adapt and make it work: we put up with aspects of our partner we don’t like so much because there are so many other aspects we do like.
My fab life gave me a balance. It allowed to get read of my frustration which I came to realise was making me bitter and had a negative impact on us.
Is it immoral as she isn’t aware? Possibly. Some will see it as betrayal. And yes, I’m an awful cheat to them.
But that secret part of my life makes me feel more fulfilled, more content. And that in turns makes me an easier person to live with and we enjoy all the more all the other aspects of our relationship.
I consider that it would be selfish of me to take away from her everything we build together. I feel like I have responsibility and my commitment is strong. I’m not going to give up and walk away because one aspect of our live is gone.
"
I’d like to add that a relationship is an evolving thing. It is naive to think that what you are now, how you are together will be the same tomorrow, next week or in 10 years. Life has a knack for throwing curve balls at you. And each one, positive like negative, makes you change a little. And as you change so do the relationships you’re involved in whether you want it or not.
When such change occur, or rather when you realise things changed (because it’s often a slow process and might not be obvious) you’re left with a choice: accept and adapt to that change or give up and walk away.
The correct course of action is very personal and no-one can tell you what is right or wrong as no-one is in your shoes. And so you end up doing what you consider to be best for you and that’s all that matter: what others think would have been better is rather irrelevant. Even with the best will in the world, they only see your situation through the filter of their own experience and circumstances, they’ll never see it as you do. And you are the one who will have to live with the consequences, not them. Advice (or judgement) is cheap. Do what works for you. And if somebody doesn’t accept it, it’s their problem. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I know a lot of men find my wife sexy a size 16 with 36G boobs and a red head.
But her sex drive is near zero sex consists of me wanking on to her pussy and once she and I have cum thats it forget anything for the week. I dont even penetrate her anymore.
We swapped 20 yrs ago with another couple and her words was it was just sex and it hasnt happend since.
I'm still sure she has a naughty side trying to get out even if it showed up once in a while.
I've talked to her saying how I feel and would like more even just a cuddle.
Not going to chuck 30 yrs away because I love her and adore her. She still turns me on but I guess like a lot of men we like to think we could have this n that.
If only our wives read this and understood maybe we need a thread from married womens view who maybe playing behind husbands back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hi she’s a great mum to our kids has many good points but is just not interested in sex. she can’t change and doesn’t want to . I not leaving her because of who she is but it hurts me as I’m in need of some sexual fun and satisfaction. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Both of us were in this situation for years.. we met when at our lowests after divorce and had so many of the same scenarios regarding our ex partners that we have an amazing second chance at marriage. take that step OP..good luck to you from us both.. there is a life out there waiting for you when the storms pass.. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
I feel the same way with my wife.
Apart from the fact I am attracted to her, but she only had sex to have kids.
I am also not the most confident of people and fear I will be alone.
I love wife but sex is not an option I have spoken about being on here and her response was I will not have sex with you.
|
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
A £10 says he sucks a lot of cock in truck stops and quiet country roads |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
It’s a long story, but the short version - I do love her, but I need kinky sex. I have found it highly addictive meeting women for sex, especially kinky sex. I’ve been into the bdsm scene for years, nothing like meeting a woman for kinky sex. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just seen this. To answer your OP, I stayed because I loved her. To me loving someone means putting their needs first and accepting compromises for their sake. I was the main bread winner, I couldn't bare the thought of seeing her homeless or struggling. I also felt utterly selfish for even considering breaking my vows when so much of our relationship was so good. This in turn led to a low self esteem - not in a "I don't find anyone else" kind of way, more "I'm a selfish, cheating piece of shit" kind of thing.
I left when it became clear she wasn't interested in making any compromises for us, in particular she continually refused to see a relationship counselor.
Mr |
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
My partner is 20 years older than me and not in the best of health and hasn't been for at least a decade now.
We've been together - Lived together only around 2 years roughly.- 23 years. We are more argumentative brother and sister tbh.
After 23 years, I can't say to her. That I've found someone else, I'm off. Even if I'd found someone, which I haven't. As, it would be the most unkind thing I could ever contemplate in doing to her, imho.
She is far from stupid and probably expects me to leave her for someone my own age, sooner or later. But I would never do that. I also would never ever, make it blatantly obvious to her, or her family. That if I was lucky enough to find another lady that likes me. To accidently or on purpose to make my partner aware of her.
My partner is worth more than that. As the fallout, would cause so much anxiety for her. Almost certain, she would end up in hospital, because of the stress.
But everybody deserves some type of happiness, surely? But not at the expense of anothers happiness. That's personal take on my situation. |
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
We have sex all the time if you what to join us..   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I suspect that many married men (sorry, I don’t mean this with specific reference to anyone on here, and am speaking on general terms) want their cake and eat it. And are too passive or cowardly to set the wheels of separation in motion.
Married and attached men are a no-go as far as I am concerned, regardless of their circumstances. And no, I don’t think they’re a hero for staying  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I suspect that many married men (sorry, I don’t mean this with specific reference to anyone on here, and am speaking on general terms) want their cake and eat it. And are too passive or cowardly to set the wheels of separation in motion.
Married and attached men are a no-go as far as I am concerned, regardless of their circumstances. And no, I don’t think they’re a hero for staying "
What about the married women on this thread?
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I suspect that many married men (sorry, I don’t mean this with specific reference to anyone on here, and am speaking on general terms) want their cake and eat it. And are too passive or cowardly to set the wheels of separation in motion.
Married and attached men are a no-go as far as I am concerned, regardless of their circumstances. And no, I don’t think they’re a hero for staying
What about the married women on this thread?
Mr"
Same goes, really. I like total honesty in a relationship. I’ve been at the receiving end of adulterous behaviour and it’s truly soul-destroying. I couldn’t put someone else through that x |
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By *earl555Woman
over a year ago
Kingston upon Hull |
"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
From what I've experienced they stay because its convenient to them. You look absolutely amazing! And you deserve to be happy, sod what other people think x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
We have been together for 25 years . We are both happy with our relationship, our sex life is absolutely amazing . Having a strong friendship aswell is a key factor for us . We have so many people ask us how come you have been together gir so long and we just say we click really well , hard to explain but that probably he best way to describe it .
We know you are probably asking why we are on here if we have an amazing sex life . She has always had a fantasy to be with another lady and he has always had the fantasy of having a threesome . Fir us thought it’s got to be the right lady and someone who will click with us . |
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By *viatrix OP Woman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"Can’t believe it’s been 18 weeks since I wrote this post.
Time flies!
Has much changed for you OP?
I found reading this tonight interesting x"
m
Curiously, it has!
He has shown much more interest in me since then... he’s always said that he is attracted to very slim women (size 4-6, we’re talking *really* slim here)... lowest I could ever get was a size 8. And that was exercising 2 hrs a day and eating about 800kcal per day. Not sustainable.... and he never showed interest anyway. That was around the time I opened my Fab account in 2018, as per my first photo...
Well, I am now around a size 14. And he -cannot- keep his hands off me. He can’t. He’s always caressing me, fondling... we had a 18th anniversary night in London and had a great time.
He knows about my pilot friends and he knows when I meet them. I never say it is for sex (don’t say it isn’t either) but when I come back he always has sex with me and it’s quite passionate... almost raw.
I want to take him to BGHS sometime soon. He still doesn’t know I am on here- might disclose it to him sometime soon, before going, as I am sure I will be recognised! Haha x
So things have improved. I have also changed jobs because I discovered that a 9-5 desk job is NOT for me. So back to the airport doing what I love...
Life is better. |
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By *odxeonMan
over a year ago
Huntingdon |
Just came across this fascinating post and took quite a while to read it all.
Firstly let me say, congratulations to you [both] Great that you have turned the corner and things have improved how you wanted them to ! Well done you !
There is really not much to add to the this particular discussion other than that of 'menopause' which seemingly has been overlooked in the thread. Mother natures great kick in the teeth for couples. Seems men are just expected to grin and bear it when they still have the drive and desire to seek/enjoy sex when their partners desire just seemingly fades away to nothing.
We stay because we love them and have shared our entire lives. Leaving just for better [or any] sex is simply NOT an option. There is no complacency about staying as some suggest. But some husbands [like myself] are simply not yet ready to just park that desire and go and dig the vegetable patch. We don't want to.....but we need to seek it elsewhere. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m not sure I entirely agree with the menopause being the reason some women lose interest in sex… I’m going through the menopause… my sex drive went because I’d lost interest in my partner… marriage is a long slog and sometimes you just lose each other on the way through. It wasn’t my menopause…
New partner now and I feel like a teenager again… |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m not sure I entirely agree with the menopause being the reason some women lose interest in sex… I’m going through the menopause… my sex drive went because I’d lost interest in my partner… marriage is a long slog and sometimes you just lose each other on the way through. It wasn’t my menopause…
New partner now and I feel like a teenager again… "
Did you tell your ex partner that you didn't want him or that you didn't want sex?
Mr |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
Being honest to yourself is a start. Many in this like situation out there. Yet so many pass judgements. Esp if a man is married his story is overlooked by far. Not a married womens. Its alluring and sexy to men. Lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Because divorce laws in this country are fuvked and they don’t feel like giving their wife everything they own just because the sex is gone "
Agreed. A guy i knw attratected cancer. His then wife too the 2nd house money and fcuked off out. And left him to die. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have a superb sex life with my wife.
She is excellent in the sack and does what I want / and vice versa (between ourselves).
However, I am highly sexed and have fantasies that I want to ‘act out’ in the real world.
I have spoken to my wife about a swinging lifestyle, tried to encourage her - but she won’t.
I’ve tried to comfort her and explain that I am happy for her to enjoy the experience of other men (wow how I’d love to witness that) - so it’s not just about me shagging other women.
But again, she has absolutely no desire to do this - and I have to respect HER decision.
That being said - I have my own desires and fantasies that I want to live out (and I also believe that I owe it to myself to act on these).
Life is not a dummy run.
People may find it hard to believe, but I love my wife and family. The last thing I want to do is hurt them - hence why I do this without her knowledge.
Sex to me is nothing more than sex.
An experience.
And I keep it separate from my ‘normal life’.
Hope that makes sense.
X"
|
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"..who are meeting people without their spouse’s full knowledge because they don’t get any sex at home...
Why do you stay?
I experience the same as you do at home. I am neglected, ignored. And I try. I have tried. I lost 4 stone, got into an amazing athletic shape (unsustainable for me sadly) but have kept in good shape since then and look after myself. I plan romantic dates, trips away (when it was possible), but I still get rejected. Too much work, too tired. Too stressed. But he says he loves me with all his heart and adores our family life, but he is just not sexually attracted to me.
For me it was/is financial dependence to a degree. And we have 3 teen/preteen children. On Monday, thank goodness, I start a reasonably paid, full time job that will enable me to take steps to get a divorce and start a new life.
But I ask you guys- what makes you stay? For years and years? I honestly can’t envision having 30/40 more years of this constant rejection. I have chatted to many of you and you all say that you “don’t want to rock the boat” or “don’t want to disrupt things”. Can I ask why?
No judgement at all- I am just curious. My husband had a very passionate affair a few years ago and even then he didn’t want to end our marriage. Now he doesn’t have anyone but he is happy to plod along without sex ... until he finds someone he wants to have it with I suppose.
You can message me directly if you’d rather not post here. I am in a chatty mood today. But getting my 2nd vaccine this morning so I may not reply straight away!
Please no comments about cheating/etc. I’m not interested in those. I mean, feel free to post them if they make you feel better, but I reserve the right to ignore them. "
I'm not a man so cant truly answer but I would imagine the thought of them losing half of everything to their wife encourages them to stay, also maybe they are scared it will ruin their relationship with their children.
You are right though, life is too short to spend 40 years unhappy isn't it. |
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"I’m not sure I entirely agree with the menopause being the reason some women lose interest in sex… I’m going through the menopause… my sex drive went because I’d lost interest in my partner… marriage is a long slog and sometimes you just lose each other on the way through. It wasn’t my menopause…
New partner now and I feel like a teenager again… "
Oh it's definitely the reason some women do, I guess everyone acts differently to it. Some womens libido gets fucked up completely by menopause as well for others sex can become quite painful for them, which understandably can kill their desire. |
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"Can’t believe it’s been 18 weeks since I wrote this post.
Time flies!
Has much changed for you OP?
I found reading this tonight interesting xm
Curiously, it has!
He has shown much more interest in me since then... he’s always said that he is attracted to very slim women (size 4-6, we’re talking *really* slim here)... lowest I could ever get was a size 8. And that was exercising 2 hrs a day and eating about 800kcal per day. Not sustainable.... and he never showed interest anyway. That was around the time I opened my Fab account in 2018, as per my first photo...
Well, I am now around a size 14. And he -cannot- keep his hands off me. He can’t. He’s always caressing me, fondling... we had a 18th anniversary night in London and had a great time.
He knows about my pilot friends and he knows when I meet them. I never say it is for sex (don’t say it isn’t either) but when I come back he always has sex with me and it’s quite passionate... almost raw.
I want to take him to BGHS sometime soon. He still doesn’t know I am on here- might disclose it to him sometime soon, before going, as I am sure I will be recognised! Haha x
So things have improved. I have also changed jobs because I discovered that a 9-5 desk job is NOT for me. So back to the airport doing what I love...
Life is better. "
I'm glad you are happier op |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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" So things have improved. I have also changed jobs because I discovered that a 9-5 desk job is NOT for me. So back to the airport doing what I love...
Life is better. "
This is lovely to read Op! I hope it continues, your happiness is obvious and endearing. |
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A refreshingly honest thread OP… I used to get a lot of negative comments about my situation but these have more or less stopped… I think being honest in your circumstance although hypocritical is the best… everyone has a reason for being here, some are ok with them, some aren’t. Some I have spoken to actually find it either a turn on or easier with a married person |
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My wife has lost all interest in sex although we do have the occasional bouts of passion which she enjoys but then has no intention of repeating it. She knows I'm on here (,she took one of the photos on my profile in full knowledge of where it was going) because I was honest in my need for sex (not love) and because of that she wasn't worried if I got the sex elsewhere, in fact I think she was hoping I would as it would take the pressure from her. Not entirely sure how I feel, grateful for the freedom or unhappy that she's not bothered about being the only one even more.
It's not been an easy 24 years, she's had a breakdown a few years ago and can be very short tempered to live with. There's been plenty of times I've wanted a divorce but as others have said the laws don't favour dad's and the thought of being reduced to taking my kids to Macdonald's every other Saturday for a couple of hours was what made me grit my teeth. They are older now but being 61 I find the thought of starting again very scary particularly moving out of the house I spent so much time doing up single handedly. This isn't looking for sympathy, it's just to say don't judge all married men the same. Many have very unhappy marriages and genuinely don't know what to do for the best. They are on here secretly because they don't want to hurt their wives and kids by either living in a hostile environment or by splitting up the family. Whether that's the right approach will vary. My advice firstly is to be honest. |
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I'm in a unique position as I've been on both sides. After 5 years of marriage and non stop sex lust and intimacy I had children and lost all interest in my husband. Blame on the kids, difficult births, exhaustion through working and raising a family and running a home, take your pick. My husband suffered and constantly asked if I still loved him, which I did. He helped with childcare and around the house. Then my libido returned, the children were grown and we had money to go out and enjoy ourselves.
However, my husband had lost all interest in sex and intimacy and wasn't interested in going out and enjoying ourselves. Call it karma if you like.
Sadly just as I had decided I couldn't live without the sex and intimacy he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died 11 months later. Karma again ?
Who knows, but life has a habit being unfair and we have to deal with it the best way we can. What is right and works for one person is not necessarily right for someone else. We're all here for own reasons and I for one will not judge another.
Hugs to all who need one and good luck to those that need it xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sometimes we have awesome sex at home too and we aren't emotional cheats. We may fuck outside without an emotional attachment enough to warrant an emotional disruption to our married life.
Some men have a big heart and a large appetite as well.
Speaking as a man |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm in a unique position as I've been on both sides. After 5 years of marriage and non stop sex lust and intimacy I had children and lost all interest in my husband. Blame on the kids, difficult births, exhaustion through working and raising a family and running a home, take your pick. My husband suffered and constantly asked if I still loved him, which I did. He helped with childcare and around the house. Then my libido returned, the children were grown and we had money to go out and enjoy ourselves.
However, my husband had lost all interest in sex and intimacy and wasn't interested in going out and enjoying ourselves. Call it karma if you like.
Sadly just as I had decided I couldn't live without the sex and intimacy he was diagnosed with terminal cancer and died 11 months later. Karma again ?
Who knows, but life has a habit being unfair and we have to deal with it the best way we can. What is right and works for one person is not necessarily right for someone else. We're all here for own reasons and I for one will not judge another.
Hugs to all who need one and good luck to those that need it xx"
Thank you for posting. Your story has sadness, real life and is also uplifting. Life can be unfair and we have to get through it sometimes. Thankyou for sharing your story and your outlook x |
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"I love your shoe collection!!
I never talk about my marriage, but here goes... I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
Totally understand and agree. My wife is a great person, very caring, considering and my best friend. Yes we love each other. Just she can't physically have sex. Yes she has issues. But she won't admit to or get help for. |
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"
There is really not much to add to the this particular discussion other than that of 'menopause' which seemingly has been overlooked in the thread. Mother natures great kick in the teeth for couples. Seems men are just expected to grin and bear it when they still have the drive and desire to seek/enjoy sex when their partners desire just seemingly fades away to nothing.
"
Do you think the women who lose their desire are happy/satisfied with it? Are they given information about things that can be done to improve the situation? Do you think the vaginal dryness and atrophy that can occur with the reduced oestrogen levels in menopause are comfortable for ladies? Women's health problems are brushed firmly under the carpet by doctors and so women suffer unnecessarily. There are things that can be done to improve the menopausal symptoms that can cause loss of interest in sex or difficulties with sex, but it requires support from partners and doctors alike. |
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By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
Been in relationship nearly 16 years for past 6 years its gone from no sex which yes I missed but he was still loving told me he loved me soppy cards but then it slowly lost the cuddles the kisses to doing nothing together when I said to him last years when was the last time you cuddled me or kissed me he grabbed me gave me a quick peck on the lips and quick hug said will that do and walked away in August he left when I was out so I met to find out why he told me his wasn't in love with me and didn't love me anymore did.the sympathy stuff saying he knows he a bastard he then came back week later and def no better I can't live like this much longer just want him to leave as its not nice he does nothing to help me even when I'm doing 12 hour shifts and long commute. But I don't know to end it We have a house together but i need someone who will cuddle me kiss me laugh with me
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My first marriage was sexless and loveless and affection less
I stayed for kids
Days go into weeks into years
I worked long hours wife only worked 3days but expected a good life
My lifelong friend died and it had the trigger effect on me
I stayed faithful but a few years on met a woman in a loveless, possessive relationship and we got together
We both divorced and we got married
The menopause hit new wife clearly states not interested in sex at all
I love her and she loves me
We are together all the time
Financially I don’t want to lose everything or 50% and start again
I don’t want the hurt
I started with more masterbation and porn then just needed sexual contact
I feel guiltless
It’s just a sexual release no emotion
I am actually a decent caring nice guy not a monster
Relationships are more that just sex but surely we all need that human touch?
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By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"
There is really not much to add to the this particular discussion other than that of 'menopause' which seemingly has been overlooked in the thread. Mother natures great kick in the teeth for couples. Seems men are just expected to grin and bear it when they still have the drive and desire to seek/enjoy sex when their partners desire just seemingly fades away to nothing.
Do you think the women who lose their desire are happy/satisfied with it? Are they given information about things that can be done to improve the situation? Do you think the vaginal dryness and atrophy that can occur with the reduced oestrogen levels in menopause are comfortable for ladies? Women's health problems are brushed firmly under the carpet by doctors and so women suffer unnecessarily. There are things that can be done to improve the menopausal symptoms that can cause loss of interest in sex or difficulties with sex, but it requires support from partners and doctors alike. "
I unfortunately haven't loss my interest in sex since menopause hit ,did get sweats and terrible brain fog and depression but just went quiet didn't really have mood swings just bloody exhausted. Gave in and gone on hrt because I needed sleep doing 12 hour shifts |
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By *not123Couple
over a year ago
sp1 |
"People think its just about sex but for mostbits about the loss of intimacy and affection."
Agree I'm tactile love a cuddle even just whatching telly or going for a walk holding Hands, mine won't even go away with me anymore now |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I stay because this is the man I want to grow old with, who I feel safest with, and can be the most horrendously myself with. Home life is happy, affectionate and we laugh a lot. We're just not sexually attracted to each other any more. I'm here to feel desired. "
This is exactly my viewpoint, 'cept for I have a woman at home I want to grow old with, and,'I'm here to feel desired dressed as a woman'. |
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