FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > How are relationships born these days?

How are relationships born these days?

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Like in real world situations, how do things progress to relationship level assuming a relationship is your goal?

A lot of guys will say from day dot that they aren’t looking for a relationship which I feel is a get out of jail free card to get all the sex he wants and then has a clear exit for when he’s had enough.

When a guy says that to a woman who does want a relationship the choice is basically suppress her true desired outcome and say she’s not looking for one either but then secretly hope that by spending time with the guy/sleeping with him, he’ll come round and want a relationship. Or she says well I’m looking to date with a view to having a relationship and then that would possibly stop things in their tracks, which I suppose is the right thing cos then she wouldn’t have wasted any time.

But what about a situation where a guy you semi know asks to go for some food just as friends, you do that you go back to his but just have a couple of cups of tea and talk for hours.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ooo wet tight hornyWoman over a year ago

lancashire

Maybe does just want to be friends...I have male friends and NO sexual context takes place...just good friends

Just see how it goes if you enjoy his company as a friend

you will soon find out if he does have an ulterior motive!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I dont think you can plan to have a relationship....it kinda happens...remember the saying...love hides in the strangest places....maybe your trying hard to avoid it so your seeing it when it's not there?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Few men these days are looking for relationships now, most are into the free love that’s the acceptable norm these days.

Also even though they start in ‘friend zone’ that’s just a ploy to get to know you and sound you out, lol t won’t take them long to jump on your bones if they feel that your up for ‘friends with benefits’ not just friendship

If a woman is looking for a relationship and meets a man who says the same, if she likes him I’d say go for it. The attraction and spark can come later.

Otherwise they’re likely to be an easy fk for men for years to come and as time goes on the likelihood of a real long term relationship diminishes

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *herryblossom_BJWoman over a year ago

Oxfordshire/Hampshire

for me, it would be naive to think free sex and spending more quality time with someone who originally said he doesn't want a relationship, to change his mind. He may want a relationship, but just not with you or doesn't like the idea of relationship when he's not emotionally or physically ready for one.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It’s hard to say if this friend has an agenda or whether they generally want to meet up as mates and hang out.

Some people do this with an agenda behind it which in my opinion can be immature as you would hope through communication that each individual will say what they want or indicate what they want with said relationship.

Or maybe your thinking about it too much and perhaps going with the flow and experiencing time with this person with no expectation is the best way forward.

Who knows haha

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

I think it's true what some say that women control access to sex and reproduction and men access to relationships.

The dynamics that result is lasting relationships now are completely out of whack with visible end results; less people marrying or doing so much later. People not wanting children so they can live it up. Birthrates dropping like a rock. Less people constituting or being part of a stable family unit. Chaos. A situation not for the better methinks.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I think it's true what some say that women control access to sex and reproduction and men access to relationships.

I’ve said this for years that men decide if a relationship happens. Women could get lots of sex from men but men are the ones who decide if they want a relationship.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

"I think it's true what some say that women control access to sex and reproduction and men access to relationships.

I’ve said this for years that men decide if a relationship happens. Women could get lots of sex from men but men are the ones who decide if they want a relationship. "

And precisely because sexual emancipation of women occured, one of the incentives men had to commit to serious relationships has been removed. If you throw technology into the mix with apps that facilitate easy and potentially disposable connections, the results are obvious.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's true what some say that women control access to sex and reproduction and men access to relationships.

I’ve said this for years that men decide if a relationship happens. Women could get lots of sex from men but men are the ones who decide if they want a relationship.

I'm not agreeing or disagreeing with any of the above, I think both sexes are equal on who holds the keys to a relationship...but its hard work (although it shouldn't be) and all to easy these days not to bother with putting effort in

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up? "

That's what I'd go with.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

[Removed by poster at 26/06/21 01:51:10]

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *lint-EverhardMan over a year ago

Perpignan and cap

Hey here's a whacky Idea, why don't you talk to him about it.?

Easier said than done I know as women are from Venus and men are from Mars (great book by the way).

My last relationship was with a woman who has Asperger's so until that communication is removed you don't realise how much communication is non verbal. . . But you need the both otherwise you'll be flirting for ever. Give him three choices, Snog, marry, avoid or am I oversimplifying things?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I would love a relationship.

But I now have to much too lose if it all goes wrong so marriage or living together is completely out of the question.

The courts always favour the women regardless of behaviour and who was right or wrong.

So sadly, I had to protect myself and settle for friends with benefits type of lifestyle.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up? "

Would you not settle for that?

Relationships don’t have to be all about sex

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Like in real world situations, how do things progress to relationship level assuming a relationship is your goal?

But what about a situation where a guy you semi know asks to go for some food just as friends, you do that you go back to his but just have a couple of cups of tea and talk for hours.

Texts are funny/friendly not too much, not sexual at all, no asking for pictures and they ask to hang out again just as friends with no sexual suggestion at all. Like what’s that about, is that an agenda as well?"
maybe fab is skewing your expectations for men. By definition guys and gals here are highly sexed and fab only adds to that.

If this guy asked you out for food as a friend maybe he actually intended on just being a friend. He might fancy you but doesn't want to make things awkward among your common friends. Maybe next time he will be more flirty because of his success on the friend date.

It also might be something to show you he's serious and not like other guys. Maybe he's gay. Without knowing him or your real life personality it's really hard to know.

But for sure not every man is as highly sexed as fab leads us to believe

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *he Mac LassWoman over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I’m actively not looking for a relationship. As a result it seems that this sparks a need in the people I see to try and pin me down. It’s quite the contradiction and I think it’s more to do with the chase than actually wanting to put a ring on it.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some of us don’t have an agenda. We are capable of being friends without needing it to be physical. We have an interest in you, your joys and your worries, the ups and the downs. We are capable of being a pillar of support and someone to share with.

I understand why you’ve asked this. You aren’t the only one to question it and oddly enough, for all the bashing men can be given here about being mindless sex predators, women walk away when they find that it’s only a friendship a man offers as well.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Like in real world situations, how do things progress to relationship level assuming a relationship is your goal?

But what about a situation where a guy you semi know asks to go for some food just as friends, you do that you go back to his but just have a couple of cups of tea and talk for hours.

I totally agree with what you say and happened to me a lot with the whole… especially me, let’s try be super chill and not mention a relationship so he doesn’t get scared off, and act cool and see if he comes round. Inevitably it never really worked and got my time wasted.

ANYWAY, regarding the other thing you mentioned, I think that’s super positive, I mean he might not mention things sexually and I think that can be a good thing, he’s not being a sleaze. I feel like, correct if wrong all, if you give it too quick then you kinda show all the cards and then it can turn into just a sex with benefits type thing. As it was so easy so…

I’d say wait and see, see if things develop to maybe a dinner out etc etc…

I take it you like this person too?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up? "

Or you could just ask him what he's looking for with you?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ad NannaWoman over a year ago

East London

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

Or you could just ask him what he's looking for with you?"

They lie.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a female friend (our relationship is non-sexual) this is what I get from her.

1 I know she appreciates me as a man and I certainly can be a man around her.

2. She is kind and receives kindness too.

3. We share a sports activity in common sometimes played only together or often in company with others.

4. She trusts and likes me enough to accept invites from me to social events just me and her attending. Sometimes she's not available for those.

5. We travel to places together.

6. When I was introduced to her love interest the respect and sensitivity she showed was out of this world.

7. She was covering me just in case!

8.She had my back.

9. I get respect, dignity,love, appreciation, kindness, generosity, trust and protection from her.

10. I am not ashamed to be seen with her in public and boy does she know how to relate to people.

11. So in short I love her very much but do not fancy her like I have fancied some.

12. Would I have a partnered up relationship with her?

13. I would have to know that she was totally committed to that.

14. Because our relationship has grown so sweetly over the years I am enjoying the journey just as it is.

15. It's a good thing to be able to be mature.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

Or you could just ask him what he's looking for with you?

They lie."

Bit of a sweeping generalisation of men, but I'll take your point that some do lie

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m actively not looking for a relationship. As a result it seems that this sparks a need in the people I see to try and pin me down. It’s quite the contradiction and I think it’s more to do with the chase than actually wanting to put a ring on it.

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer "
I have found something similar. And some people do use it as a lure. The more I talked about my wife and kids the more some women were attracted me and more likely to want more from me.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer I have found something similar.

And some people do use it as a lure. The more I talked about my wife and kids the more some women were attracted me and more likely to want more from me. "

It's almost like this person has their shit together, they don't need me... It's like the pheromones are being wafted

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *agpie and RavenMan over a year ago

Leicester

"Like in real world situations, how do things progress to relationship level assuming a relationship is your goal?

But what about a situation where a guy you semi know asks to go for some food just as friends, you do that you go back to his but just have a couple of cups of tea and talk for hours.

Ask him to go clothes shopping with you, for you. If he jumps at the chance with glee then you've got yourself a different type of relationship and a GBFF.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer "

I agree with this. It adds lots of value in the eyes of the pursuer

I found that when I was at my lowest, I was probably giving them needy vibes and men stayed clear (when it came to relationships)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer I have found something similar.

And some people do use it as a lure. The more I talked about my wife and kids the more some women were attracted me and more likely to want more from me.

It's almost like this person has their shit together, they don't need me... It's like the pheromones are being wafted

It is. And I think its also they have what I want.

For the guys chasing you, it's an independent woman who won't be too clingy. But they then become clingy to get the thing they want, and in doing so kill the thing they desire.

For the ladies who chased me, the more I said I didn't cheat the more they admired that, the more they wanted me to cheat with them thus killing the thing they desire.

We can all justify our behaviours and that's all they are doing to ignore the obvious hypocrisy

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

Why does someone who just wants to hang out "as friends" have to have an agenda, regardless of their gender?

Is it not possible that someone of the opposite sex can simply be a "friend"? Throughout my life I've had friends who just happen to be female, have gone out for dinner with them, or to gigs, or just to sit in a pub, get pissed and talk shit - in none of those cases has there been any sexual agenda.

Whilst I agree there are *some* instances where games are being played and there is something more on one or both sides, it doesn't *have* to be the case, and can only be judged on an individual basis based on actions and reactions in that instance.

Just because you perceive that many men desire you Annie doesn't automatically mean "all" men do, and perhaps this one just simply enjoys your company but doesn't have any sexual attraction. Only time, and your knowledge of the situation, will tell if that's the case.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer I have found something similar.

And some people do use it as a lure. The more I talked about my wife and kids the more some women were attracted me and more likely to want more from me.

It's almost like this person has their shit together, they don't need me... It's like the pheromones are being wafted

It is. And I think its also they have what I want.

For the guys chasing you, it's an independent woman who won't be too clingy. But they then become clingy to get the thing they want, and in doing so kill the thing they desire.

For the ladies who chased me, the more I said I didn't cheat the more they admired that, the more they wanted me to cheat with them thus killing the thing they desire.

We can all justify our behaviours and that's all they are doing to ignore the obvious hypocrisy "

So true! Its almost a challenge for some people.. Actually this dynamic is present in my D/s... The more i say no to something the more exciting it becomes to the other person that one day i might say yes (I'm talking low level preferences here before anyone gets the wrong idea)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer

I agree with this. It adds lots of value in the eyes of the pursuer

I found that when I was at my lowest, I was probably giving them needy vibes and men stayed clear (when it came to relationships) "

Yes definitely fill your own bucket first.. Once you are full you become a different person. People put self care so far down their agendas

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Most relships these days

Start off as just sex then one catches feels and the other still wants to have sex

So other then strings them along till they get bord and it all ends in a car crash

Not saying all are like this

But it’s mostly what I here

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I think it's true what some say that women control access to sex and reproduction and men access to relationships.

I’ve said this for years that men decide if a relationship happens. Women could get lots of sex from men but men are the ones who decide if they want a relationship. "

Men can't force women to have a relationship either. It depends on which of you has the expectation or hope of a relationship in the first place whether you feel the other holds the cards.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South

Aren’t most relationships borne out out spending shitloads of time with each other, and then suddenly noticing that it’s not just their tea that is making you hot.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

"Aren’t most relationships borne out out spending shitloads of time with each other, and then suddenly noticing that it’s not just their tea that is making you hot.

That's one way for sure - I certainly don't think you can necessarily force a relationship, sure you can look to date through apps, work, whatever and end up in a relationship that way, but that takes mutual agreement on both sides at some point.

Relationships that develop naturally though certainly evolve the way you suggest and aren't something you can necessarily "look" for.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer I have found something similar.

And some people do use it as a lure. The more I talked about my wife and kids the more some women were attracted me and more likely to want more from me.

It's almost like this person has their shit together, they don't need me... It's like the pheromones are being wafted

It is. And I think its also they have what I want.

For the guys chasing you, it's an independent woman who won't be too clingy. But they then become clingy to get the thing they want, and in doing so kill the thing they desire.

For the ladies who chased me, the more I said I didn't cheat the more they admired that, the more they wanted me to cheat with them thus killing the thing they desire.

We can all justify our behaviours and that's all they are doing to ignore the obvious hypocrisy

Well it's no fun to "make" you do things you have no problem doing.

My wife didn't want to eat pussy. It wasn't a hard no, just not something that she wanted. So setting up the circumstances where she did was an ultimate high for me.

(Apparently a woman edged for hours actually will do anything to get permission to cum)

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *oxychicWoman over a year ago

Nottinghamshire

i think both hold the cards to a relationship, not just the men , both have to want it to happen ,

As for being friends with the opposite sex ,why not , why do people think theres always a hidden agenda, and just not take people for what it is

Sometimes people do over complicate things

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ermite12ukMan over a year ago

Solihull and Brentwood

From having worked for 5 months with a 'woman'....I called her a lady and was told "Do you really think I'm a lady?"....and some of the wind ups, banter and fun, along with an evening out along with another lady. I think I may have found someone, who is equally as nutty as a fruit cake, as me.

Both of us have partners. Both of us don't tick all of the boxes we are looking for, in a love interest. As such, we'll probably never move from being just seriously good friends.

But working with her, certainly makes the working day pass seriously quickly.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer I have found something similar.

And some people do use it as a lure. The more I talked about my wife and kids the more some women were attracted me and more likely to want more from me.

It's almost like this person has their shit together, they don't need me... It's like the pheromones are being wafted

It is. And I think its also they have what I want.

For the guys chasing you, it's an independent woman who won't be too clingy. But they then become clingy to get the thing they want, and in doing so kill the thing they desire.

For the ladies who chased me, the more I said I didn't cheat the more they admired that, the more they wanted me to cheat with them thus killing the thing they desire.

We can all justify our behaviours and that's all they are doing to ignore the obvious hypocrisy

Well it's no fun to "make" you do things you have no problem doing.

My wife didn't want to eat pussy. It wasn't a hard no, just not something that she wanted. So setting up the circumstances where she did was an ultimate high for me.

(Apparently a woman edged for hours actually will do anything to get permission to cum)"

omg that is evil

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"From having worked for 5 months with a 'woman'....I called her a lady and was told "Do you really think I'm a lady?"....and some of the wind ups, banter and fun, along with an evening out along with another lady. I think I may have found someone, who is equally as nutty as a fruit cake, as me.

Both of us have partners. Both of us don't tick all of the boxes we are looking for, in a love interest. As such, we'll probably never move from being just seriously good friends.

But working with her, certainly makes the working day pass seriously quickly."

Oh those are the best connections and so rare

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I would love a relationship.

But I now have to much too lose if it all goes wrong so marriage or living together is completely out of the question.

The courts always favour the women regardless of behaviour and who was right or wrong.

So sadly, I had to protect myself and settle for friends with benefits type of lifestyle."

Curious to Why is living together out of the question? Presuming you own the house.. If you don’t get married and she doesn’t pay towards any upkeep of the actual house she isn’t entitled to any of it then I can’t see the problem?

Or rent your house out and rent a place together..

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *emorefridaCouple over a year ago

La la land

One of my best mates is a bloke, before we had small children. We worked together, and often go out to the pub for a bar snack and spend hours together chatting. I happen to think we're bloody hilarious. I've known him nearly 20 years now and there's nothing romantic about it. Men and women can be friends without anything else occuring.

I've only chased one relationship and totally wish now that I hadn't and don't intend on doing it again.

I'm happy on my own, I earn enough to provide for me and my kids without struggling and have holidays etc etc. Though I know I'm lucky that I put my career first as my mam always taught me looks fade and there's always a younger woman out there. Never rely on a man for your own financial stability.

So I go against the grain on this thread, I just wanted sex and no relationship initially and it was M who wanted a relationship. I think it's a bit old fashioned thinking that men want sex and women want relationships. Take people as individuals life is easier and happier

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"I would love a relationship.

But I now have to much too lose if it all goes wrong so marriage or living together is completely out of the question.

The courts always favour the women regardless of behaviour and who was right or wrong.

So sadly, I had to protect myself and settle for friends with benefits type of lifestyle."

MGTOW what you’ve just written sounds just like something that movement would write (MenGoingTheirOwnWay) they believe that women are out for what they can get (financially) and can’t fathom the idea that a woman could have her own materialistic shit and could just you know, actually love the person they’re with! Pre nups would protect your shit if that’s what you were worried about.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up? "

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find this too.. The more independent /secure/confident a woman, the more desired she becomes by the pursuer I have found something similar.

And some people do use it as a lure. The more I talked about my wife and kids the more some women were attracted me and more likely to want more from me.

It's almost like this person has their shit together, they don't need me... It's like the pheromones are being wafted

It is. And I think its also they have what I want.

For the guys chasing you, it's an independent woman who won't be too clingy. But they then become clingy to get the thing they want, and in doing so kill the thing they desire.

For the ladies who chased me, the more I said I didn't cheat the more they admired that, the more they wanted me to cheat with them thus killing the thing they desire.

We can all justify our behaviours and that's all they are doing to ignore the obvious hypocrisy

Well it's no fun to "make" you do things you have no problem doing.

My wife didn't want to eat pussy. It wasn't a hard no, just not something that she wanted. So setting up the circumstances where she did was an ultimate high for me.

(Apparently a woman edged for hours actually will do anything to get permission to cum)

omg that is evil "
Thank you. It was a delicious moment

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

If someone tells you they don't want a relationship listen to them. You cannot make people want that. I had experience of this recently with a long term friend who didn't listen and then became needy and nasty. Ms

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed. "

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him. "
All this for that!!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him. All this for that!!!"

All what for what?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *alandNitaCouple over a year ago

Scunthorpe

Personally, I think that relationships often just happen. You might not be actually looking for a relationship, or planning to be in one, often people even THINK they don't want a relationship... but then it just happens. You enjoy somebody's company and being around them makes you feel good, before you know it you are actively creating opportunities to spend more and more time together and feel "low" when you're apart.

Cal

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *heRazorsEdgeMan over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him. "

I have some questions then I can give an answer from my point of view.

You’ve started spending more time with him in a friendly way, food etc….

Would YOU like things to progress into a relationship?

How does his interaction with you differ (if at all) with how female friends interact with you?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him. All this for that!!!

All what for what?"
Maybe he's just got a good business head drumming up more custom?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him.

I have some questions then I can give an answer from my point of view.

You’ve started spending more time with him in a friendly way, food etc….

Would YOU like things to progress into a relationship?

How does his interaction with you differ (if at all) with how female friends interact with you?

I didn’t think anything about him first other than he was handsome and a good tattooist that made me feel comfortable. Other tattooists I’ve had in the past can be quite arrogant and make you feel like they’re doing you a favour despite the fact you’ve just paid them 100’s of pounds.

I don’t know if I want anything from him at the moment but I know I like his company.

I couldn’t eat infront of him cos I felt embarrassed, had it been one of my girl mates or a guy I wasn’t attracted to I would’ve inhaled my food and not tried to eat it as politely as possible!

I know he’s 14 months single after the end of a 17 year relationship.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him.

I have some questions then I can give an answer from my point of view.

You’ve started spending more time with him in a friendly way, food etc….

Would YOU like things to progress into a relationship?

How does his interaction with you differ (if at all) with how female friends interact with you?

I don’t know if I want anything from him at the moment but I know I like his company.

I couldn’t eat infront of him cos I felt embarrassed, had it been one of my girl mates or a guy I wasn’t attracted to I would’ve inhaled my food and not tried to eat it as politely as possible!

I know he’s 14 months single after the end of a 17 year relationship. "

Just go for it...what have you got to lose? Nothing but you could have a great gain....take a chance

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I’m overthinking it too much already. I just fuck things up all the time. This is a new fresh thing. I’m kind of mentally in a different place as well as I’m 5 months into having weekly counselling sessions.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally the more time spent chatting, meeting up with a lady will end up in a relationship to what level that relationship goes to would depend on the chemistry between the two

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *heRazorsEdgeMan over a year ago

Wales/ All over UK

"So would people agree that the best thing to do is not give any sex and just keep hanging out as friends and then if sex is all they want they’ll tire and give up?

If you actually think of him as a friend then yes but if you are sat there hoping he will want a relationship then no as he may just want to be friends and you will be disappointed.

He’s not really a friend, only over the past year has he become known to me and prior to going out for food I’d only spent 13 hours in his company over 3 separate occasions (it’s my tattooist

). He’s definitely not gay. Last time I was there he asked me to go out for food with him.

I have some questions then I can give an answer from my point of view.

You’ve started spending more time with him in a friendly way, food etc….

Would YOU like things to progress into a relationship?

How does his interaction with you differ (if at all) with how female friends interact with you?

I don’t know if I want anything from him at the moment but I know I like his company.

I couldn’t eat infront of him cos I felt embarrassed, had it been one of my girl mates or a guy I wasn’t attracted to I would’ve inhaled my food and not tried to eat it as politely as possible!

I know he’s 14 months single after the end of a 17 year relationship. "

As you’re unsure if you want a relationship but enjoy his company, then why not just keep things as they are, enjoy his company as a friend and don’t try to force anything.

Once you’re more sure what you want you’ll probably have a better idea of his intentions too, and you don’t ruin a potentially good friendship by pushing too fast

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Plus he told me that I’d been under paying him his hourly rate since I’ve gone to him but didn’t want to tell me!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *imi_RougeWoman over a year ago

Portsmouth

Fuck knows, I've stopped looking for that. There's too many options these days.

So many don't like to make anything "official" so you'll be in a "situationship"

Too complicated, I'll stick to fun and games.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *imi_RougeWoman over a year ago

Portsmouth

I just read all the posts...

Enjoy his company, maybe ask him what he's looking for after such a long term relationship?

It doesn't hurt to be upfront and then at least you'll know where you stand x

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Start out as friends and if it's meant to develop, it will, naturally and over time. One day, you'll look at them and realise that you don't just love them as a friend, but are deeply in love with them. I was so lucky that my love felt the same and told me first.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

"I’m overthinking it too much already. I just fuck things up all the time. This is a new fresh thing. I’m kind of mentally in a different place as well as I’m 5 months into having weekly counselling sessions. "

Maybe have a chat with your counsellor Annie. I know from your previous posts you tend to get involved very quickly and when it’s not reciprocated you wobble over it. Perhaps she/he will help you put things into perspective instead of seeing every guy who interacts with you as relationship material.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I think women overthink how men operate sometimes

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

I don’t even know myself if I want him like that. I’m not gonna see her till next week but I see him tomorrow.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *eavenscentitCouple over a year ago

barnstaple

I don’t even know myself if I want him like that. I’m not gonna see her till next week but I see him tomorrow. "

I feel you need to explore yourself with counselling help before anything else.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic