FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Stigma to the 'fab' lifestyle
Stigma to the 'fab' lifestyle
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Although I've never done the swinging scene, I do though respect the folks who do live it. In fact I think it's a really lovely lifestyle. Yet there seems to be a lot of stigma attached to it. It's frowned upon if your family and friends found out. Is it religion or that human evolution have further to develop on grounds of ethics and morals? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting question. Unfortunately, I’ve been up for a good long while with very little sleep and am winding down now. I shall look back on this thread later with much interest.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I mean I think the stigma comes from the fact that people can’t seem to get over that some people enjoy sex a lot. So it might blow their mind that swingers get to enjoy an open lifestyle that breaks down the notion of monogamy as we know it. Staying faithful and true to one person forever. From the outside it will look like “you are having your cake and eating it too, and you are being very promiscuous”
I also admit I’m not your regular swinger so I can’t talk properly, but this is what I think
Also fuck people!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's stilled in you from a very young age that your life path is to grow up and get married. Building a home with one person to live out the rest of your days.
We are not designed to only be with one sexual partner our entire life so in that sense, swinging is kinda one of the most natural things. It's sad actually that a lot of people stay in unhappy relationships through fear of judgement, morals and complications.
Yes it's not for everyone but if you've got a strong foundation relationship, swinging can be a great thing. |
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Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Although I've never done the swinging scene, I do though respect the folks who do live it. In fact I think it's a really lovely lifestyle. Yet there seems to be a lot of stigma attached to it. It's frowned upon if your family and friends found out. Is it religion or that human evolution have further to develop on grounds of ethics and morals? "
Hmmmm... I think we collectively think of ourselves as in a sexually enlightened age but in reality this is absolute bullshit. Sex is culturally taboo and I think many are sadly very repressed. Most people don't talk about pleasure or sexuality with out children so they grow up already feeling a sense of shame around sex. I think there have been periods historically where we have been less sexually repressed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A lot of people can't separate love from sex, so a couple shouldn't be having a sexual encounter with anyone else because they are in love. I watch my single friends go out clubbing which usually ends up in a one night stand, but that's ok because they are single. I know a married man who cheated on his wife, he was forgiven even though his sexual encounter included endless lies, deceit & manipulation, he was forgiven quite easily actually in our circle of friends, but they stopped talking to us when they found out we are swingers, because we are perverts, who knew  I'm not sure why society has the ideas it does but I personally find it amusing and have a good quiet chuckle to myself watching my vanilla friends shouting at each other for 'looking at another woman' or 'fancying someone else'
Been in a vanilla marriage seems a lot of hard work to me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook? "
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of people can't separate love from sex, so a couple shouldn't be having a sexual encounter with anyone else because they are in love. I watch my single friends go out clubbing which usually ends up in a one night stand, but that's ok because they are single. I know a married man who cheated on his wife, he was forgiven even though his sexual encounter included endless lies, deceit & manipulation, he was forgiven quite easily actually in our circle of friends, but they stopped talking to us when they found out we are swingers, because we are perverts, who knew I'm not sure why society has the ideas it does but I personally find it amusing and have a good quiet chuckle to myself watching my vanilla friends shouting at each other for 'looking at another woman' or 'fancying someone else'
Been in a vanilla marriage seems a lot of hard work to me "
Oh my, people in glass houses! Maybe your friends were jealous that you could live in the open and enjoy yourselves while being together and strong as ever.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"A lot of people can't separate love from sex, so a couple shouldn't be having a sexual encounter with anyone else because they are in love. I watch my single friends go out clubbing which usually ends up in a one night stand, but that's ok because they are single. I know a married man who cheated on his wife, he was forgiven even though his sexual encounter included endless lies, deceit & manipulation, he was forgiven quite easily actually in our circle of friends, but they stopped talking to us when they found out we are swingers, because we are perverts, who knew I'm not sure why society has the ideas it does but I personally find it amusing and have a good quiet chuckle to myself watching my vanilla friends shouting at each other for 'looking at another woman' or 'fancying someone else'
Been in a vanilla marriage seems a lot of hard work to me
Oh my, people in glass houses! Maybe your friends were jealous that you could live in the open and enjoy yourselves while being together and strong as ever.
"
I wrote that a bit strongly, they didn't all not approve, just 1 couple, who have know and loved us for years, they are a fairly young couple, something happened that night after they found out, the male half said he would be "up for that" (not with us, just in general) and all seemed ok. But a big fight broke out when they got home, resulting in the mrs leaving social media, it was all quite dramatic. I don't know what was said in this argument between them (I've a pretty good idea, him saying he was up for trying swinging) she doesn't talk to me anymore which is a shame, but ok, because I don't need friendship from someone who thinks we are perverts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon "
I don't think it's just Christianity generally but the more Puritan strain which came into force with Cromwell still has a hold over public opinion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon "
I know blame Christianity for this. However, Empror Augustus was extremely puritanical. Many of these monogamy doctrines from Christianity came from him and Jewish teachings.
Augustus banished his only beloved child from Rome and exiled her for her scandalous sexual behaviour. She was a true swinger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon
I don't think it's just Christianity generally but the more Puritan strain which came into force with Cromwell still has a hold over public opinion."
Possibly, but the more a country is overall religious the more it is like that!
I think overall in Germany seems like they tend to be more open sexually |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon
I know blame Christianity for this. However, Empror Augustus was extremely puritanical. Many of these monogamy doctrines from Christianity came from him and Jewish teachings.
Augustus banished his only beloved child from Rome and exiled her for her scandalous sexual behaviour. She was a true swinger."
But I mean, isn’t there a commandment that states “you shall not covet neighbours wife”
I MEANNNNNNNNN…. goes against swinging haha
And also wasn’t there a story about sodom and Gomorrah and pretty sure it was a story of these two sinful cities full of people having sex with everyone |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon
I know blame Christianity for this. However, Empror Augustus was extremely puritanical. Many of these monogamy doctrines from Christianity came from him and Jewish teachings.
Augustus banished his only beloved child from Rome and exiled her for her scandalous sexual behaviour. She was a true swinger.
But I mean, isn’t there a commandment that states “you shall not covet neighbours wife”
I MEANNNNNNNNN…. goes against swinging haha
And also wasn’t there a story about sodom and Gomorrah and pretty sure it was a story of these two sinful cities full of people having sex with everyone "
Indeed, it’s says those in the Bible but from teachings that predate Christianity, which absorbed and evolved from them.  It wasn’t Christianity that developed the ‘ideals’, merely propagated them perhaps. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon
I don't think it's just Christianity generally but the more Puritan strain which came into force with Cromwell still has a hold over public opinion.
Possibly, but the more a country is overall religious the more it is like that!
I think overall in Germany seems like they tend to be more open sexually"
Yes I totally agree, when I was backpacking through Europe, one of the first thing I found was how open the Germans are to sex in general. I mean you'd have a sex shop in a quite little village. You would never get this in England. Like Never.
However in the world of Tantra there are two golden rules,
'sex is between consenting adults and must never involve children'. Which some in the fab world may disagree but I really believe in this philosophy. As open as one may be in sex there should be boundaries and limitations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon
I know blame Christianity for this. However, Empror Augustus was extremely puritanical. Many of these monogamy doctrines from Christianity came from him and Jewish teachings.
Augustus banished his only beloved child from Rome and exiled her for her scandalous sexual behaviour. She was a true swinger.
But I mean, isn’t there a commandment that states “you shall not covet neighbours wife”
I MEANNNNNNNNN…. goes against swinging haha
And also wasn’t there a story about sodom and Gomorrah and pretty sure it was a story of these two sinful cities full of people having sex with everyone
Indeed, it’s says those in the Bible but from teachings that predate Christianity, which absorbed and evolved from them. It wasn’t Christianity that developed the ‘ideals’, merely propagated them perhaps."
Yes yes I agree, definitely the bible !! Obviously I don’t think nowadays you have the true hard core bible readers but during the years it has trickled down to the media and the media/films give the notion of… find the one, get married, stay happy together (just the two of you… NO SWINGING!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
Looking back through history, sex outside marriage was widely practiced and mistresses, etc widely accepted and even expected. Sex orgies amongst the ancient grerks and Romans were commonplace.
So I think the question might be, have we become more puritan in our outlook?
Totally! It was Christian religion who instilled this outlook and then it trickled down to more common things, and the media etc etc
I mean, swinging life isn’t for everyone but it shouldn’t be frowned upon
I don't think it's just Christianity generally but the more Puritan strain which came into force with Cromwell still has a hold over public opinion.
Possibly, but the more a country is overall religious the more it is like that!
I think overall in Germany seems like they tend to be more open sexually
Yes I totally agree, when I was backpacking through Europe, one of the first thing I found was how open the Germans are to sex in general. I mean you'd have a sex shop in a quite little village. You would never get this in England. Like Never.
However in the world of Tantra there are two golden rules,
'sex is between consenting adults and must never involve children'. Which some in the fab world may disagree but I really believe in this philosophy. As open as one may be in sex there should be boundaries and limitations. "
Of course! It should always be with consenting people … and definitely no children… |
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"Although I've never done the swinging scene, I do though respect the folks who do live it. In fact I think it's a really lovely lifestyle. Yet there seems to be a lot of stigma attached to it. It's frowned upon if your family and friends found out. Is it religion or that human evolution have further to develop on grounds of ethics and morals? "
1. There is no swinging scene or a swinging lifestyle. Even those that are level headed, open minded, stable, loyal etc etc don't play to the same rules as others. Swinging, in as much as it does exist, evolves just like any other aspect of life. So where you once would had one or two couples who were willing to 'swap' partners for the evening to boost their sexual enjoyment you now get any tom, dick or harriet getting their genitals out behind a tree and calling it swinging. The same goes for people who perform many acts that have transported over from porn and say ... 'hey each to their own'.... Fine but that's just a sex act. Nothing more. If a swinging mindset does exist then it's more to do with psyche than fanny and gangbangs. And to me it's more to do with an open mind and non possession of another person, a lack of sexual jealousy maybe. However if I was being ignored or the children or the house or work by a useless partner who put getting a fuck above all else then there would be fights but that wouldn't mean that the anger or jealousy was about the sex.
The swinging scene is just people meeting or meeting in clubs and having sex or not. It shouldn't really be necessary to label yourself as a swinger or promiscuous simply because you do not commit to having sex with one person for the rest of your life.
Religion is one form of authority that has dictated how lives should be lived but it is not the only authority. There have been and are many dictats about who you can fuck and who you can't and what happens if you fuck the wrong person.
It's a commonly mis held assumption that sexual behaviour is static. It fluctuates throughout history.
Of course your family frown. They are socialized into the same behaviours as everyone else. They may come round to accepting that it's your knob, they may not.
Generally free thinkers , when they reach a certain age, realise they have a brain and genitals and they choose what to do with them.
Mind you ..... it's a bit late if you are already locked into a monogamous relationship where your partner doesn't want to swing. That is not their fault. That's where choices come in .... leave , cheat or settle.
I'd say most people are here cos they want sex - not because they are swingers. They want sex, they want human company but I expect that the vast majority fuck one person at a time.
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