FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Tribe or not to tribe
Tribe or not to tribe
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Do you need one? Here or in so called real life. Your safety zone of people who get you. And who are there whatever the weather.
Or do you need to wander your own paths and stay outside permanent social circles. Just dip in for people contact.
Or maybe you are 1:1 type.
Tell me where you belong. If anywhere.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely not a tribe person and very rarely reach out to anyone for support.
I tend to keep my own counsel, but my door is always open for others. "
I should know that
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to be a tribe person. I was always around people and almost craved the attention of others. But I was younger back then. I feel like I've matured now and I wouldn't say I need a tribe now.
As Shortie said, my door's always open to anyone if they need me and I'll never say no to anyone but other than that I'm happy keeping myself to myself and doing my own thing. Life just seems much more peaceful and drama free this way and I like that |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I used to be a tribe person. I was always around people and almost craved the attention of others. But I was younger back then. I feel like I've matured now and I wouldn't say I need a tribe now.
As Shortie said, my door's always open to anyone if they need me and I'll never say no to anyone but other than that I'm happy keeping myself to myself and doing my own thing. Life just seems much more peaceful and drama free this way and I like that "
I still have a tribe. Actually few for different reasons and parts of my life. However I'm more of a satellite now. I don't connect it with age. Just need for withdrawal and observing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've always been a plough my own furrow type.
I would sometimes float between 'tribes' (different groups for different things). I can tend to get bored if stuck with the same people for too long. And no matter who I was with I was always the 'different' one.
Nowadays I would prefer more 1:1.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've always been a plough my own furrow type.
I would sometimes float between 'tribes' (different groups for different things). I can tend to get bored if stuck with the same people for too long. And no matter who I was with I was always the 'different' one.
Nowadays I would prefer more 1:1.
"
Did you mind being the different one ? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always been a plough my own furrow type.
I would sometimes float between 'tribes' (different groups for different things). I can tend to get bored if stuck with the same people for too long. And no matter who I was with I was always the 'different' one.
Nowadays I would prefer more 1:1.
"
I think we found each other as we were the different ones too.
Sinful |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've always been a plough my own furrow type.
I would sometimes float between 'tribes' (different groups for different things). I can tend to get bored if stuck with the same people for too long. And no matter who I was with I was always the 'different' one.
Nowadays I would prefer more 1:1.
I think we found each other as we were the different ones too.
Sinful"
how lucky |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always been a plough my own furrow type.
I would sometimes float between 'tribes' (different groups for different things). I can tend to get bored if stuck with the same people for too long. And no matter who I was with I was always the 'different' one.
Nowadays I would prefer more 1:1.
Did you mind being the different one ? "
Sometimes. And people would say I was being different on purpose which was really odd seeing as I didn't know of any other way to be. But then I'd think I like being 'me' and didn't want to be like 'them'. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I still have a tribe. Actually few for different reasons and parts of my life. However I'm more of a satellite now. I don't connect it with age. Just need for withdrawal and observing. "
I like the satellite analogy, that works really well |
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Hmmm. Odd one.
I have my "people" but I often don't like to trouble them.
I wouldn't say I'm front and centre anywhere, I'm not integral to anyone or anything, I just kinda loitering round the edges. I leave people to crack on and holler if they need me most of the time. I suppose that could be seen as not caring, but it's totally more me not wanting to pester or needing my own headspace.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I've always been a plough my own furrow type.
I would sometimes float between 'tribes' (different groups for different things). I can tend to get bored if stuck with the same people for too long. And no matter who I was with I was always the 'different' one.
Nowadays I would prefer more 1:1.
Did you mind being the different one ?
Sometimes. And people would say I was being different on purpose which was really odd seeing as I didn't know of any other way to be. But then I'd think I like being 'me' and didn't want to be like 'them'."
They kind of brought it on themselves by pointing it out and making you feel a bit of an alien to the rest? No? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I still have a tribe. Actually few for different reasons and parts of my life. However I'm more of a satellite now. I don't connect it with age. Just need for withdrawal and observing.
I like the satellite analogy, that works really well "
Thank you. I don't think I'm the author. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmmm. Odd one.
I have my "people" but I often don't like to trouble them.
I wouldn't say I'm front and centre anywhere, I'm not integral to anyone or anything, I just kinda loitering round the edges. I leave people to crack on and holler if they need me most of the time. I suppose that could be seen as not caring, but it's totally more me not wanting to pester or needing my own headspace.
"
If I stop bothering my people that's when they know they should worry. But we all learn patterns of our tribe members and what they need in that moment. Someone to ask are you really OK or just someone to keep their space light and worry free. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm a 1:1 type of person. Most of my friends don't really know each other so wouldn't hang out in a group anyway. At school and uni I hovered on the peripheries of groups, but only really felt comfortable in 1:1 or 2 situations as lots of people at once is a sensory overload. It is to bother me that I couldn't seem to enjoy larger gatherings and would force myself to join in. T was very stressful and I'm much happier now I've accepted I'm just not that sort of person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've always been a plough my own furrow type.
I would sometimes float between 'tribes' (different groups for different things). I can tend to get bored if stuck with the same people for too long. And no matter who I was with I was always the 'different' one.
Nowadays I would prefer more 1:1.
Did you mind being the different one ?
Sometimes. And people would say I was being different on purpose which was really odd seeing as I didn't know of any other way to be. But then I'd think I like being 'me' and didn't want to be like 'them'.
They kind of brought it on themselves by pointing it out and making you feel a bit of an alien to the rest? No? "
If it was pointed out I was more determined to be me. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Somewhere between the two I think - I'm very much one for talking things through when I, or others, need to, but don't necessarily need a "tribe" to do that.
I have various social circles outside of Fab whose lines very rarely, if ever, cross - and have people within those circles and on here that I know I can talk to about pretty much anything.
That said I'm not reliant on them either - but am also not great (as I'm an overthinker) at holding my own counsel and keeping things to myself when I have to.
Socially generally I don't "need" to belong to a group, but welcome it when I find myself in one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes I think. Although I would say don't just look for the people the same as you. Look for the connection with people no matter how different or similar. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm a 1:1 type of person. Most of my friends don't really know each other so wouldn't hang out in a group anyway. At school and uni I hovered on the peripheries of groups, but only really felt comfortable in 1:1 or 2 situations as lots of people at once is a sensory overload. It is to bother me that I couldn't seem to enjoy larger gatherings and would force myself to join in. T was very stressful and I'm much happier now I've accepted I'm just not that sort of person."
Looking back on my late teens/early twenties I can see that to help me cope and 'fit-in' more in social situations with friends I just used to drink alcohol. A lot of alcohol. |
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By *ancer36Woman
over a year ago
Stirling |
I have a close knit group of 7 female friends I’ve had since primary school, we have gone through all stages of life together from dating/grief/love/kids/marriage/moving to different countries and all the happy and sad times in between. I definitely need them in my life, they are the family I chose for myself and I can’t imagine my life ever being the same without any one of them.
I consider myself very lucky xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve a small circle of brothers I’ve served with, I’ve known most of the 27 years and shared their lives and my own with them.
We’ve cried and laughed, won and lost and fought with each other at times. But they are closer than family. We drift into each other’s lives as easy as we do our own, I’ve friends walk into my house and straight to the fridge to grab a beer, then moan it’s not their usual.
I’ve been at the birth of my friends kids and we are all uncles to each other’s!
I call there folks mom and dad. And great them with hugs like I do my own.
I Wouldn’t swap them for diamonds.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think we have moved quite far away from tribes or extended family friend groups and think that is a great loss. I am very much a loner left to it and if it was just me I would think I dont need many people. Trying to bring up kids makes me realise you need people, not just particulary family but an extended sort of support system just to get through, or even when times are hard. When the time is right it is nice to be able to wander away again, but knowing the back up is there, or that you will back up others if needed. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm a 1:1 type of person. Most of my friends don't really know each other so wouldn't hang out in a group anyway. At school and uni I hovered on the peripheries of groups, but only really felt comfortable in 1:1 or 2 situations as lots of people at once is a sensory overload. It is to bother me that I couldn't seem to enjoy larger gatherings and would force myself to join in. T was very stressful and I'm much happier now I've accepted I'm just not that sort of person."
One of my favourite things to do is bringing people together. Connecting those who I tbink could do with each other presence in their lives. It works most of the time and I cherish that I can share my friends with other friends. |
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I have several close friends that are more like family who know me inside out, but I don’t see them often.. I enjoy passing the time getting to know people but then I need to retreat for a while. I love being sociable every now and again.. Ultimately I’m more of a loner. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I have several close friends that are more like family who know me inside out, but I don’t see them often.. I enjoy passing the time getting to know people but then I need to retreat for a while. I love being sociable every now and again.. Ultimately I’m more of a loner. "
I don't need to see people often to feel close to them. I understand |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My tribe is my veteran friends they understand the trials and tribulation that is associated with serving. Does not matter what country what religion what race. My sister's and brothers understand that tribal influence. Family separated by outside influence. Just us and understanding the sacrifices. My tribe. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a cave, and collies, and am quite content being self contained.
Tribes, not really my thing, I wander through the world leaving barely a trace, here then gone, fading ripples like a stone dropped in a pond....
One on one allows me to just sit quietly, watching the world drift by, listening to the rhythms of a trusted friend speaking their dreams....one day that friend may come....
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