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Emotional dead end?
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By *hillout OP Man
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
Does NSA sex in the long term lead to an emotional dead end? Does it desensitize people from forging more meaningful, lasting relationships? Is this different for men and women?
I've questioned myself regarding this for some time, always unsure of the answer. Progressively, i've come to the conclusion that for most people, man or woman, it can.
Do you agree, disagree or are on the fence?
Over to you  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I'm in a fortunate position where I'm happily married, so I have a great emotional connection with my husband. The swinging just adds to our sex life, so I'm totally fine with casual sex and I don't feel I lack in emotional fulfilment either.  |
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I think that there comes a time, depending on your inner monologue and whatnot that you kinda think to yourself "who am I? What do I want in life? I know I don't want to be viewed as a receptacle (meat stick in mens cases) coz there's so much more to me. Thing is, I've seen so much badness, so much disrespect, so much of the things I never wished to see or expected to see during my time here that now, well, I'm switching off. I'm switching off to people in all forms other than existing friends who don't wanna bang me and I don't wanna bang them" |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can’t comment on what most women do but my experience of men is they’ve always got their eye on the exit. Always looking for the next best thing. I’m a hopeless romantic in a hookup culture (those aren’t my words but they’re perfect!)
Just want my man to only want to fuck me, do my food shop with me, let me cook for him, watch films with me, sing in the car and just be my friend and my lover. No wanting to get with other birds or it would hurt my feelings. |
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I've had my fair share of NSA sex, and I've come to realise that it's the strings that are where the satisfaction lies.
Without that emotional bond, you might as well be shagging a slab of meat or using a cum sock. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This makes me question why I'm here because although I've had one night stands and short term things, I always got into them hoping for more.
In all honesty I've only ever dumped one person I've slept with and even that wasn't because I didn't like her. I just went through her CD collection one morning and realised I couldn't face a lifetime of All Saints and Sugababes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I'm in a fortunate position where I'm happily married, so I have a great emotional connection with my husband. The swinging just adds to our sex life, so I'm totally fine with casual sex and I don't feel I lack in emotional fulfilment either. "
I resonate with this a lot |
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I think you can only answer that question for yourself.
For some people? Sure. Some use it as a form of self-protection. Some use it in between relationships. Some use it as an additional bit of fun whilst already in a relationship. Everyone will have their own take on it and their own experience.
Mrs TMN x |
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"I think it wouldn't work for me which is why i look for fwbs. "
This for me too. I wasn’t going to comment as I’ve never done the NSA thing, it’s never interested me and I don’t think it ever will x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I'm in a fortunate position where I'm happily married, so I have a great emotional connection with my husband. The swinging just adds to our sex life, so I'm totally fine with casual sex and I don't feel I lack in emotional fulfilment either. "
This for me too 
NBVN x |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
I've always aimed for NSA and feelings have developed on their own for a couple, pretty much against my will. Now that I've been down the feelings route it's a little less satisfying doing so many nsa fucks for the sake of it. Lives, feelings and wants ebb and flow for most of us I imagine. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Ah if its got to you, the emotional iceman Chillout, then it must have a shelf life yes  I think the endless chasing must get a bit futile. If something feels good why the need to move on. I don't believe it hardens you for future emotions or romance though. It might make you even more ready because you know the alternative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it wouldn't work for me which is why i look for fwbs.
This for me too. I wasn’t going to comment as I’ve never done the NSA thing, it’s never interested me and I don’t think it ever will x"
Me three. I've done NSA a handful of times and it wasn't satisfying at all. I need some mental or emotional connection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can’t comment on what most women do but my experience of men is they’ve always got their eye on the exit. Always looking for the next best thing. I’m a hopeless romantic in a hookup culture (those aren’t my words but they’re perfect!)
Just want my man to only want to fuck me, do my food shop with me, let me cook for him, watch films with me, sing in the car and just be my friend and my lover. No wanting to get with other birds or it would hurt my feelings. "
I think I'm the same to be honest, but at the same time I want to hear them laugh at my jokes, listen when I want to vent and sympathise with me when I'm sad or conflicted.
But yet, it can feel that the physical need can outweigh the emotional one. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I can’t comment on what most women do but my experience of men is they’ve always got their eye on the exit. Always looking for the next best thing. I’m a hopeless romantic in a hookup culture (those aren’t my words but they’re perfect!)
Just want my man to only want to fuck me, do my food shop with me, let me cook for him, watch films with me, sing in the car and just be my friend and my lover. No wanting to get with other birds or it would hurt my feelings. "
Honestly I'm not that far off from feeling the same at this point. |
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Agree barriers go up for whatever reason which enables NSA to happen, without getting any feels and if there is a hint of it can send you running in the opposite direction. It’s almost a protection thing against past experiences and not wanting to go there again.
It can be a complete mind f*ck to be honest
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I have never felt desensitised by it. I’m really good at compartmentalising though, so all the strands of my life run in parallel. NSA is a great release for me and has never stopped me connecting when I’m doing the dating thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Does NSA sex in the long term lead to an emotional dead end? Does it desensitize people from forging more meaningful, lasting relationships? Is this different for men and women?
I've questioned myself regarding this for some time, always unsure of the answer. Progressively, i've come to the conclusion that for most people, man or woman, it can.
Do you agree, disagree or are on the fence?
Over to you "
I agree that it does - I stopped having nsa sex as after a short while it didn’t satisfy me and made me feel bad about myself. So I try to search carefully and find an fwb to have a more personal relationship with. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"I don’t think it desensitises you, I think you just get to a point when you decide you want more from a friendship/relationship"
This. Eventually you just have enough and want something more.
Bit like when you pig out on junk food and reach the point where you just want to taste a nutritious meal that is more sustaining so make yourself something with a lot of veg.
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I’ve read it’s worse for women than it is for guys. They get that 1000 cock stare like a solider back from war. They’ve overloaded their pair bonding chemical and it just doesn’t hit like it used to |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't really do NSA. I'm crap at it. I like to connect on an emotional and intimate level, and there are always a few strings that go with that. An understanding between two people about how it will work, what we're both willing to go along with and what we're not willing to do. I always take into account my fwb's feelings and wishes, and that's a string too, but one I'm happy to have. |
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I think its different for couples. They can have nsa sex and treat it like a hobby knowing that the intimacy and closeness that goes with strings attached sex is always available to them.
From my very unscientific observations many single people and people who play alone are searching for more than nsa sex can offer but don't realise this. |
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"I think its different for couples. They can have nsa sex and treat it like a hobby knowing that the intimacy and closeness that goes with strings attached sex is always available to them.
From my very unscientific observations many single people and people who play alone are searching for more than nsa sex can offer but don't realise this."
Having also been part of a couple on here I agree it’s totally different. I can do NSA as a couple, just not as a single x |
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"I think its different for couples. They can have nsa sex and treat it like a hobby knowing that the intimacy and closeness that goes with strings attached sex is always available to them.
From my very unscientific observations many single people and people who play alone are searching for more than nsa sex can offer but don't realise this.
Having also been part of a couple on here I agree it’s totally different. I can do NSA as a couple, just not as a single x"
I had plenty of nsa sex as a single when I was young and didn't hit an emotional dead end but I think that might be because I knew that I had years ahead of me for the serious stuff. If I was single now (god forbid) I don't think I'd be interested in nsa |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
I feel that the definition of no strings attached needs to clarified between all involved.
I have deep, loving connections where we don't impose our ideas and expectations on each other on order to restrict our freedom. Yet there are desires and wishes that are expressed and navigated.
NSA to me doesn't mean let's not care about each other or have feelings that evolve and change..
For me NSA can be extremely liberating and caring when emotional intelligence and responsibility for oneself is applied. I guess some call it relationship anarchy. A slightly more conscious and compassionate approach with some similarities.
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
I think the answer ultimately is individual to each and every one of us - there are some for whom NSA is a thing that comes naturally and without a second thought on one extreme, and those who are looking for something deep and meaningful on the other, and many different combinations of things in between.
Personally the idea of complete NSA leaves me cold, I just find it a little too clinical, I need something more, a connection of sorts, and I guess it's that connection that keeps me in touch with my emotional side, even if emotions are being kept in check.
So, no, for me it doesn't desensitise emotions completely, but it can be a fine balancing act too. |
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As others have said, it's a completely different ball game when you're doing this as a couple, mainly because you have those moments of intimacy on tap with your partner. The path can become harder to navigate as a single, particularly if you've been doing it for some time, because deep down I think we all want a certain level of affection outside of sex (whether we care to admit that or not).
As a single I've definitely had my share of NSA flings, and had a bloody good time doing so! And whilst I always remained open to the possibility of more, it's not something that I ever actively searched for...but sometimes these things just creep up on you out of nowhere  I don't think it would ever harden me emotionally, perhaps just make me a bit jaded and longing for that affection. |
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Apart from a very few club night or similar encounters, I don't think that it's ever been NSA for me. Mostly I initially meet people through social events, sometimes through exchanging comments in these forums, and get into long term conversations online, phone or in person. Often I've come to know someone and become friends, could be several years before we have any kind of sexual connection. Sometimes there is never any sex, and we just become fwobs (friends without benefits).
Perhaps I'm doing this swinging thing all wrong, and yeah I suppose that it couldn't be called an excessively sexual lifestyle, but it kind of works for me. |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
As with so many things that get discussed on the forums. It isn’t a binary choice between NSA and full on ‘let’s move in together’ relationship.
It’s possible, dare I say, preferable to have some level of feelings for the other human being that you are sharing your bed, or wherever you do it, with.
These feelings may grow into a loving relationship or they may just stay at caring.
My advice, is just enjoy it and be honest with yourself about what you want and why you want (or don’t want) whatever it is you’re feeling. |
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"I can’t comment on what most women do but my experience of men is they’ve always got their eye on the exit. Always looking for the next best thing. I’m a hopeless romantic in a hookup culture (those aren’t my words but they’re perfect!)
Just want my man to only want to fuck me, do my food shop with me, let me cook for him, watch films with me, sing in the car and just be my friend and my lover. No wanting to get with other birds or it would hurt my feelings. "
Me too.. Would love this... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As with so many things that get discussed on the forums. It isn’t a binary choice between NSA and full on ‘let’s move in together’ relationship.
It’s possible, dare I say, preferable to have some level of feelings for the other human being that you are sharing your bed, or wherever you do it, with.
These feelings may grow into a loving relationship or they may just stay at caring.
My advice, is just enjoy it and be honest with yourself about what you want and why you want (or don’t want) whatever it is you’re feeling. "
I’m definitely not looking for move in together type intimacy or day to day spending lots of time together. I only want a sexual/social relationship and open for it to be Poly and include others. But I have to like, fancy and respect someone to see them regularly and have a connection. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm probably coming at this from a slightly different angle.
I've never had a one-night stand and in my early twenties I had a period where I was having girlfriends almost one after the other. A friend of mine almost always had one-night stands and no girlfriends. He wanted the girlfriend and I wanted the one-night stands.
What I have done is paid for sex (which can be viewed as a type of NSA). I won't get into the specifics of why this started here. Like with any sex some was better than others and where it was better was where I felt there was more of an 'emotional' connection with the woman (I know I was paying and it is up for debate whether it was 'real' or not). I agree that sex with a feeling of connection is better than no connection.
The problem I can forsee with an FWB situation is my mood swings can make me fall hard for the person (occasionally to a degree of obsessiveness) even though I would know this wasn't 'right'.
To a degree proper NSA would be ideal for me but the sex wouldn't be as good so I'd rather take the risk of a mental/emotional connection for more satisfying sex knowing that this could trigger my mood to sky rocket.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t think it desensitises you, I think you just get to a point when you decide you want more from a friendship/relationship"
This.
I spent most of my twenties single and whilst every one of my ONSs and short-lived sex-based relationships were fun in the moment, there does come a point when it’s not enough.
The FWBs I had I think I could have stayed with for a good while longer had most of them, and then me, not settled down. But I guess the end that came there was probably bound to happen eventually anyway. |
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