FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Nice guys, bad boys or something in between!?
Nice guys, bad boys or something in between!?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I often read profiles where men say they are a nice guy.
I know this can be interpreted in several ways, but is this something fellas you have on your profile and if so why?
Ladies, is this terminology offputting on Fab and should be reserved for dating sites where people are seeking more than just hooking up?
Women often go for the bad boys, I am unsure of the appeal especially if it ends up where you are treated badly.
Could it be bad boys are a more risky, thrill of a meet?
Maybe you think bad boys fuck harder and better?
Ladies if you hear a man has a bad boy reputation, do you want to try and be the one to "change" him? (A 99% impossible task by the way!)
I know this is a meaty topic and I have asked a few questions to get the thread flowing, so just chip in with anything you fancy.
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When I was younger, the "bad" boys were more appealing as they seemed more exciting. They often weren't. They were mostly disappointing.
Now I'd take a decent/honest/genuine bloke over anything else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think naturally as humans we like a challenge so I think a lot of people get satisfaction out of being the one to 'tame' a bad boy so to speak.
Me personally I don't want a dickhead and I've got more respect for myself than to be treated like a mug. The bad boy doesn't appeal to me whatsoever.
There are plenty of men that are genuinely good guys that can also bring it in the bedroom. They are the ones for me  |
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"I often read profiles where men say they are a nice guy.
I know this can be interpreted in several ways, but is this something fellas you have on your profile and if so why?
Ladies, is this terminology offputting on Fab and should be reserved for dating sites where people are seeking more than just hooking up?
Women often go for the bad boys, I am unsure of the appeal especially if it ends up where you are treated badly.
Could it be bad boys are a more risky, thrill of a meet?
Maybe you think bad boys fuck harder and better?
Ladies if you hear a man has a bad boy reputation, do you want to try and be the one to "change" him? (A 99% impossible task by the way!)
I know this is a meaty topic and I have asked a few questions to get the thread flowing, so just chip in with anything you fancy.
"
I would not be surprised if there was an evolutionary emphasis behind this.
The bad boy would be linked to being the strong one or pack leader. There will be a trigger I some as it is more appealing to be with the top alpha. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
There are plenty of men that are genuinely good guys that can also bring it in the bedroom. They are the ones for me "
Absolutely right! I am lucky to have found that in my partner.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Despite it's positive connotations I'm not a fan of being described as nice. Biscuits are nice people are a little more nuanced. Don't get me wrong, I don't get offended by it but you know you ain't getting in her knickers if a women can only describe you as nice.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
I would not be surprised if there was an evolutionary emphasis behind this.
The bad boy would be linked to being the strong one or pack leader. There will be a trigger In some as it is more appealing to be with the top alpha. "
That's an interesting way of looking at it. You could be onto something there. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Despite it's positive connotations I'm not a fan of being described as nice. Biscuits are nice people are a little more nuanced. Don't get me wrong, I don't get offended by it but you know you ain't getting in her knickers if a women can only describe you as nice. "
Spot on.
There has to be the balance of naughty and nice! |
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I went through a stage in my life where I hated being called nice. My first girlfriend dumped me at 11.55 on New year's Eve night because she said I was too nice.
Over the years I've learned to accept that just being me and not attempting to be anyone or anything else is the best approach.
I don't call myself anything now and let others decide for themselves. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Nice is the blandest word possible, it also indicates that a basic level of human decency is your USP. That’s a very low bar to be aiming for.
I also find that ‘nice’ has connotations that a person expects that being ‘nice’ entitles them to sex, which is contrary to being nice!
I find that nice guy vs bad boy are just basic stereotypes and rarely are actual character types, instead they’re personas that people try to portray as they think that’s what people want |
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Neither.
Bad boys are risky, will chew you up and spit you out. Also often really emotionally immature.
"Nice guy" is up there with "look at me I'm so amazing, I brush my teeth". Self congratulatory for nothing. (There's also a subset who think that putting on a nice facade is a good way to get what they want, and are really not so nice when you don't perform to their script). |
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"Nice is the blandest word possible, it also indicates that a basic level of human decency is your USP. That’s a very low bar to be aiming for.
I also find that ‘nice’ has connotations that a person expects that being ‘nice’ entitles them to sex, which is contrary to being nice!
I find that nice guy vs bad boy are just basic stereotypes and rarely are actual character types, instead they’re personas that people try to portray as they think that’s what people want"
Beat me to it! I think both are stereotypes - in reality people are much more complex creatures. People can play up to the stereotypes if they think it works for them but in my experience its a facade.
Mrs TMN x |
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"Neither.
Bad boys are risky, will chew you up and spit you out. Also often really emotionally immature.
"Nice guy" is up there with "look at me I'm so amazing, I brush my teeth". Self congratulatory for nothing. (There's also a subset who think that putting on a nice facade is a good way to get what they want, and are really not so nice when you don't perform to their script)."
Oh hello, love that pic! (Sorry off topic OP!) |
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"I often read profiles where men say they are a nice guy.
I know this can be interpreted in several ways ...
Ladies, is this terminology offputting on Fab and should be reserved for dating sites where people are seeking more than just hooking up?
Women often go for the bad boys, I am unsure of the appeal especially if it ends up where you are treated badly.
Could it be bad boys are a more risky, thrill of a meet?
Maybe you think bad boys fuck harder and better?
Ladies if you hear a man has a bad boy reputation, do you want to try and be the one to "change" him? (A 99% impossible task by the way!)
I know this is a meaty topic and I have asked a few questions to get the thread flowing, so just chip in with anything you fancy.
"
I prefer to make my own mind up about somebody once I've got to know them myself rather than rely on their own or anyone elses' version of what and who they are.
For me it depends on what kind of life I've wanted to lead. I chose a nice calm reliable dependable "good egg, pillar of the community" kind of a guy for my Husband first time around to be a good Father to my kids. He was. Life plodded on and 30 years went by in a fixed order.
Now I've realised there's more to life than "just" being a dutiful mother and wife and I am entitled to be with somebody who makes me feel really alive.
No more stuck in a groove for me, thank you... now every day is different, full of fun and adventure and I wake each morning never knowing what comes next.
I guess "bad boy" meets do have more of an edge to them, it's true, but you shouldn't/can't inflict change on anyone. If they are what you wanted when you met them, why try to make them somebody else? makes no sense to me whatsoever.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't understand why men have to point out niceness... Surely that is the norm and not an unusual trait... I don't get the bad boy thing either... But neither are what attract me to anyone and neither, would keep me interested in someone I fancy... A decent personality does. In fact I have been utterly put off by someone that felt he had to keep telling me he was a nice/good/genuine bloke... Got creepy and worrying tbh... And bad boys tend to avoid me, luckily |
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"Neither.
Bad boys are risky, will chew you up and spit you out. Also often really emotionally immature.
"Nice guy" is up there with "look at me I'm so amazing, I brush my teeth". Self congratulatory for nothing. (There's also a subset who think that putting on a nice facade is a good way to get what they want, and are really not so nice when you don't perform to their script).
Oh hello, love that pic! (Sorry off topic OP!) "
Thank you |
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"I don't understand why men have to point out niceness... Surely that is the norm and not an unusual trait... I don't get the bad boy thing either... But neither are what attract me to anyone and neither, would keep me interested in someone I fancy... A decent personality does. In fact I have been utterly put off by someone that felt he had to keep telling me he was a nice/good/genuine bloke... Got creepy and worrying tbh... And bad boys tend to avoid me, luckily "
Yeah.
I'm also nice, but that tends to be taken for granted (unless I'm not, then bitchy ballbusting Swing is bitchy ) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand why men have to point out niceness... Surely that is the norm and not an unusual trait... I don't get the bad boy thing either... But neither are what attract me to anyone and neither, would keep me interested in someone I fancy... A decent personality does. In fact I have been utterly put off by someone that felt he had to keep telling me he was a nice/good/genuine bloke... Got creepy and worrying tbh... And bad boys tend to avoid me, luckily
Yeah.
I'm also nice, but that tends to be taken for granted (unless I'm not, then bitchy ballbusting Swing is bitchy )"
I find if I am nice to some men, they assume I might want to fuck them... Tells me exactly what I need to know about their niceness... I think the bad boys assume I wouldn't put up with their shitty behaviour and they would be right  |
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"I don't understand why men have to point out niceness... Surely that is the norm and not an unusual trait... I don't get the bad boy thing either... But neither are what attract me to anyone and neither, would keep me interested in someone I fancy... A decent personality does. In fact I have been utterly put off by someone that felt he had to keep telling me he was a nice/good/genuine bloke... Got creepy and worrying tbh... And bad boys tend to avoid me, luckily
Yeah.
I'm also nice, but that tends to be taken for granted (unless I'm not, then bitchy ballbusting Swing is bitchy )
I find if I am nice to some men, they assume I might want to fuck them... Tells me exactly what I need to know about their niceness... I think the bad boys assume I wouldn't put up with their shitty behaviour and they would be right "
Quite. It's those who make that assumption who tend to be quickest with the assumptions of misandry  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't understand why men have to point out niceness... Surely that is the norm and not an unusual trait... I don't get the bad boy thing either... But neither are what attract me to anyone and neither, would keep me interested in someone I fancy... A decent personality does. In fact I have been utterly put off by someone that felt he had to keep telling me he was a nice/good/genuine bloke... Got creepy and worrying tbh... And bad boys tend to avoid me, luckily
Yeah.
I'm also nice, but that tends to be taken for granted (unless I'm not, then bitchy ballbusting Swing is bitchy )
I find if I am nice to some men, they assume I might want to fuck them... Tells me exactly what I need to know about their niceness... I think the bad boys assume I wouldn't put up with their shitty behaviour and they would be right
Quite. It's those who make that assumption who tend to be quickest with the assumptions of misandry "
We judge by our own standards, right? It's why I don't deal with people who can't trust... I find it means they can't be trusted |
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"I don't understand why men have to point out niceness... Surely that is the norm and not an unusual trait... I don't get the bad boy thing either... But neither are what attract me to anyone and neither, would keep me interested in someone I fancy... A decent personality does. In fact I have been utterly put off by someone that felt he had to keep telling me he was a nice/good/genuine bloke... Got creepy and worrying tbh... And bad boys tend to avoid me, luckily
Yeah.
I'm also nice, but that tends to be taken for granted (unless I'm not, then bitchy ballbusting Swing is bitchy )
I find if I am nice to some men, they assume I might want to fuck them... Tells me exactly what I need to know about their niceness... I think the bad boys assume I wouldn't put up with their shitty behaviour and they would be right
Quite. It's those who make that assumption who tend to be quickest with the assumptions of misandry
We judge by our own standards, right? It's why I don't deal with people who can't trust... I find it means they can't be trusted"
Yeah. So much. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don't understand why men have to point out niceness... Surely that is the norm and not an unusual trait... I don't get the bad boy thing either... But neither are what attract me to anyone and neither, would keep me interested in someone I fancy... A decent personality does. In fact I have been utterly put off by someone that felt he had to keep telling me he was a nice/good/genuine bloke... Got creepy and worrying tbh... And bad boys tend to avoid me, luckily "
I do tend to wonder about people who keep feeling the need to assert that they’re nice. In my experience, they’re the ones that aren’t |
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It is interesting to note the origin of the word “nice” in English:
Middle English (in the sense ‘stupid’): from Old French, from Latin nescius ‘ignorant’, from nescire ‘not know’. Other early senses included ‘coy, reserved’, giving rise to ‘fastidious, scrupulous’: this led both to the sense ‘fine, subtle’ (regarded by some as the ‘correct’ sense), and to the main current senses. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am me and have been called 'nice' by exes (until I've dumped them).
But with my mood swings you could get the moody down one, the upbeat happy one or the slightly disinterested one. And if the moods get out of hand then it could be a very wild ride. |
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I class myself as a nice guy because I will go out of my way to treat somebody respectfully, to take their feelings into consideration and not to think a relationship is essentially about me. I don't get worked up about minor issues and I understand other people have their own lives that may not fit in with my ideal. I'm always ready to accept fault where appropriate and I'm never afraid to say sorry.
I saw a comment above saying the nice guy label is a bit big-headed. I don't think so. I think it's about self-awareness and being a decent human being. Luke |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Both tedious stereotypes, people are never that binary, they are generally a mix of things. I’m always suspicious of any man who calls himself ‘nice’ or a ‘gentlemen’, it’s like saying you’re hygienic, it really goes without saying that you treat other people with a modicum of respect and manners. |
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By *onb21Woman
over a year ago
Cardiff |
I'm not sure if this is a linear scale.
I don't like saying 'I don't like nice' because that's not quite it. However, I'm definitely not attracted to what is widely considered 'polite' & as 'having manners'.
And 'bad boy' says immature & unintelligent to me so not sexy either. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Personally - i think it's a bad day when someone is ridiculed for portraying themselves as a nice person.
People will always make their own mind up as,to whether to believe you or not.  "
I stand by my assessment of the situation.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally - i think it's a bad day when someone is ridiculed for portraying themselves as a nice person.
People will always make their own mind up as,to whether to believe you or not. "
I think there's a difference between someone portraying themselves as nice and actually saying that they are |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"Personally - i think it's a bad day when someone is ridiculed for portraying themselves as a nice person.
People will always make their own mind up as,to whether to believe you or not.
I stand by my assessment of the situation.
"
So are you saying that anybody who says they are a nice person actually isn't?????? |
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"I often read profiles where men say they are a nice guy.
I know this can be interpreted in several ways, but is this something fellas you have on your profile and if so why?
Ladies, is this terminology offputting on Fab and should be reserved for dating sites where people are seeking more than just hooking up?
Women often go for the bad boys, I am unsure of the appeal especially if it ends up where you are treated badly.
Could it be bad boys are a more risky, thrill of a meet?
Maybe you think bad boys fuck harder and better?
Ladies if you hear a man has a bad boy reputation, do you want to try and be the one to "change" him? (A 99% impossible task by the way!)
I know this is a meaty topic and I have asked a few questions to get the thread flowing, so just chip in with anything you fancy.
"
some want the good boys that are good at being bad ...whatever that means
Vic |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Personally - i think it's a bad day when someone is ridiculed for portraying themselves as a nice person.
People will always make their own mind up as,to whether to believe you or not.
I stand by my assessment of the situation.
So are you saying that anybody who says they are a nice person actually isn't??????"
It’s a subjective term. Anyone can claim to be and if that is their USP, then it’s a very low bar to be aiming for.
Lots of people have claimed to be ‘nice’ then proven not to be.
If you read my posts ^^ then you’ll see my thoughts on it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Despite it's positive connotations I'm not a fan of being described as nice. Biscuits are nice people are a little more nuanced. Don't get me wrong, I don't get offended by it but you know you ain't getting in her knickers if a women can only describe you as nice.
Spot on.
There has to be the balance of naughty and nice! "
Indeed there does, maybe not everyone gets to see the naughty side though.
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"Personally - i think it's a bad day when someone is ridiculed for portraying themselves as a nice person.
People will always make their own mind up as,to whether to believe you or not.
I stand by my assessment of the situation.
So are you saying that anybody who says they are a nice person actually isn't??????
It’s a subjective term. Anyone can claim to be and if that is their USP, then it’s a very low bar to be aiming for.
Lots of people have claimed to be ‘nice’ then proven not to be.
If you read my posts ^^ then you’ll see my thoughts on it"
Well, I say I'm a nice person and others consider me a nice person.
Those that say otherwise probably haven't taken the time to get to know me.
Don't get me wrong, I'm not saint, I have my faults, but when i weigh up the 'pros & cons' i think i come out in the positive side.
.
You can make your own mind up about me. |
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There was a thread recently about men calling themselves an alpha male and the general consensus was that anyone using that term to refer to themselves was usually anything but.
The same applies to someone calling themselves a bad boy.
Anyone who has to resort to telling everyone they are a nice guy are usually trying too hard. If it's not already apparent by your words and actions and the company you keep them no amount of convincing will ever work.
Methinks he doth protest too much.
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