FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Jealousy or prefer to know?
Jealousy or prefer to know?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Better not to know, "
Okay, but how do you feel when you know? Does it make you feel a certain way or?
If I really fancy the guy, I’d rather not know as I’d get slightly jelly |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I’m happy to know or not, whichever they feel comfortable with. I like knowing that they’re meeting because I see it as a positive thing and like knowing that friends are having a good time but I don’t care who they’re meeting.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Travelling |
Definitely better to not know for me.
I'd not call it jealousy, but certainly hints of it for sure. Not enough for me to kick up a fuss over or anything like that. Maybe, as you say, a bit of self doubt and insecurities in myself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Definitely better to not know for me.
I'd not call it jealousy, but certainly hints of it for sure. Not enough for me to kick up a fuss over or anything like that. Maybe, as you say, a bit of self doubt and insecurities in myself."
Yeah exactly, it isn’t something that turns to big jealous/anger but it’s a very faint feeling of jealousy that is inside. Hence why, if I like him, I’d rather not be in the know. As sometimes it kick starts a process of my own self doubt afterwards. I admit it’s my thing to deal with lol but still, it sucks |
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"Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
"
You think you would feel more jealous if he met a woman than if he met another trans woman? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me a lot of it would depend on my mood.
If it was low then I would start to feel jealous/annoyed but if it was high I'd find it a turn on and be interested. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
You think you would feel more jealous if he met a woman than if he met another trans woman?"
Yes, but I think it kick starts my own insecurities along with slight jealousy, on the fact that I wasn’t born like that so “I can’t compete”… go figure my fucked up mind. LOL
Its a weird feeling.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dosent bother me knowing or not knowing way I see it we’re all here for the same things
If he she or them couple aren’t in my bed then someone else will be just the way I look at it
Only thing that would bother me is putting off a meet with me to meet someone else
But other then that people are free to meet a play with who ever they like
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"If I met them regularly then I would probably know rather than them hide it from me. I used to feel jealous but now feel like it's too much energy to waste on it all."
Also I agree that feeling like that is a waste of energy
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I was talking about this with a friend the other day.
Although I know exactly what we're all doing I don't want to feel like another notch on the bedpost for someone. (Know full well that's exactly what it is, but I don't want to be reminded) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
"
I defo like to know who else they've been with for a few reasons... You can tell alot about someone by the type of peeps they meet...
I had a fwbs but he was very secretive 
He was meeting many many peeps unbeknownst to me & was going bare-back  He was verifying many but had asked them not to return the Veri...
I found out he was going bare-back cos I received a msg from someone on here... Thankfully when I got tested for all known STIs all results were negative...but I was sweating it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In a fwb situation I like to know. I like to work under the rules of he is welcome to see others but must always play safe- no one else can be regular and he has to be open with me in regards to who he’s meeting. Plus not meet them within 24 hours before seeing me.
I guess some could say that’s a lot of rules but that’s the only way I would feel comfortable and it’s all I am prepared to do if in a fwb situation, it worked well this way with one fwb until he broke the rules and when the rules are broken that’s it’s for me. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I was talking about this with a friend the other day.
Although I know exactly what we're all doing I don't want to feel like another notch on the bedpost for someone. (Know full well that's exactly what it is, but I don't want to be reminded)"
Ha yes, totally ageee with this. Sometimes like it’s best not to be reminded and what you don’t know…
It all depends also on how much I like the guy really. If it was someone I wasn’t too bothered about probably itd not matter much |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
I defo like to know who else they've been with for a few reasons... You can tell alot about someone by the type of peeps they meet...
I had a fwbs but he was very secretive
He was meeting many many peeps unbeknownst to me & was going bare-back He was verifying many but had asked them not to return the Veri...
I found out he was going bare-back cos I received a msg from someone on here... Thankfully when I got tested for all known STIs all results were negative...but I was sweating it"
I suppose for obvious reasons you wish to know, but I meant more like knowing the details who they shagged, how it happened, how they might have looked like etc etc
Rather than an info for std reasons etc |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In a fwb situation I like to know. I like to work under the rules of he is welcome to see others but must always play safe- no one else can be regular and he has to be open with me in regards to who he’s meeting. Plus not meet them within 24 hours before seeing me.
I guess some could say that’s a lot of rules but that’s the only way I would feel comfortable and it’s all I am prepared to do if in a fwb situation, it worked well this way with one fwb until he broke the rules and when the rules are broken that’s it’s for me. "
Its all about how comfortable you are are and that’s fair enough, even if it isn’t a full on relationships. It makes sense if you see each other regularly. Was he honest to admit or did u find out in round about ways? X |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
"
From a PRICK standpoint, if I am seeing people on a regular basis for play, then it is helpful to know if they have seen others and if any body fluids have been exchanged (e.g.: OWO and swallowing), as that allows for informed decision making.
I don’t get jealous about it, it can be a slight turn on to hear/know they have been getting what they want else where. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
I love hearing about my long term partner's sexual encounters. He has other regular partners who know about me too.
I don't care who men from here meet, but remember that I can read verifications. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't want to know. Doesn't bother me if they've fucked lots of other people that week as long as they're not too knackered for me. 
This is why I won't meet people with more than 4 veris showing. It feels indiscreet. I prefer private people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I wouldn't meet regularly with someone if I was one of many fucks. If I was meeting regularly I would expect it to be just focused on the two of us as I'd have some kind of connection at that point.
If it was a one off meet with someone I don't know well, I'd have no issues with who they were playing with as long as they were having safe sex. |
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"I wouldn't meet regularly with someone if I was one of many fucks. If I was meeting regularly I would expect it to be just focused on the two of us as I'd have some kind of connection at that point.
If it was a one off meet with someone I don't know well, I'd have no issues with who they were playing with as long as they were having safe sex. "
Pretty much this for me too. If it’s a regular more long term thing it’s just me and them. Not a jealousy thing I just don’t want to share, never have never will. If it’s a rare one off then I couldn’t care less who else they’re meeting. |
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With my last FWBs we told each other the outline of what we were doing, but never in detail. I wasn’t getting off on knowing. We weren’t seeing lots of other people. Just once a flood and then it was sometimes a social only. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't meet regularly with someone if I was one of many fucks. If I was meeting regularly I would expect it to be just focused on the two of us as I'd have some kind of connection at that point.
If it was a one off meet with someone I don't know well, I'd have no issues with who they were playing with as long as they were having safe sex. "
I read through all the responses until I came to one that I could relate to. I am the same as you, if I am meeting regularly I wouldn't want to be one of many. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I wouldn't meet regularly with someone if I was one of many fucks. If I was meeting regularly I would expect it to be just focused on the two of us as I'd have some kind of connection at that point.
If it was a one off meet with someone I don't know well, I'd have no issues with who they were playing with as long as they were having safe sex.
I read through all the responses until I came to one that I could relate to. I am the same as you, if I am meeting regularly I wouldn't want to be one of many. "
I feel the same too  |
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"Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
You think you would feel more jealous if he met a woman than if he met another trans woman?
Yes, but I think it kick starts my own insecurities along with slight jealousy, on the fact that I wasn’t born like that so “I can’t compete”… go figure my fucked up mind. LOL
Its a weird feeling. "
Well he came back to you, right?
Clearly you’re up to the competition x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t mind knowing but also happy if they prefer not to tell me.
I’m not the jealous sort and what they do when they are not with me is their own business. They can tell me or not it’s up to them.
I expect the same in return.. I make it very clear that I don’t want anything exclusive with anyone and that I have a few fwb’s. If they are not happy with me meeting others then they are not for me.
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My wife met one man about 7 or 8 times and on date number 1, he showed us pictures of all the women he was having sex with. They included a long term girlfriend, women from his workplace, women from a site like this and even his house cleaner!! If anything, it turned my wife on rather than turning her off. |
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"Say you hook up with certain guys who u meet on a semi/regular basis, do you like to know who they been shagging or rather not know? And do you feel a slight feeling of jealousy/possessiveness? Or does that kik start your horniness instead?
I have to say with some guys I really fancy, I do have a slight feeling of jealousy, happens a lot when I hear/know they have been with some cis girls. But I think it’s maybe to do with my own insecurities a trans girl than anything.. and things like “of course he’s gonna prefer her as she was born a girl and your trans” all that spiels start in my head.
"
I don't do insecurity and jealousy myself, but I understand its a bit of a challenge to some,
guess it all depends on the set up boundaries of the relationship you are in at the time, and what is considered acceptable behaviour, or what isn't.
I don't meet people without Hubby and I'm quite happy to watch him play with others when we do meet up, and vice versa.
I think I might struggle if he did want to meet anyone without me there, but I don't own him he is his own man so its for him to decide.
As it happens, unlikely, just not really his thing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't need or want to know the details. Just don't bullshit me with this "you're the only one I'm seeing" when you're clearly a sex addict who needs a LOT of sex!!
I went through this recently with my FWB. I literally can't have more than 1 partner at a time, it's just personal preference but I know I am "allowed to" if I want. I'm a very open person as long as someone is open with me. Nothing worse than lies and betrayal! |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
It’s a tough one.
With my main FWB, I’d be ultra jealous if I knew he is meeting other people. So I prefer not to know. I don’t ask, he doesn’t say. But he does ask me and gets turned on when I tell him about seeing other people....
Another long-term fwb just got it on with someone new- they’re all over each other, veris almost every day, lol, and very, very graphic videos. I did feel a pang of jealousy but I’m over it now. Don’t think I’ll see him again though. Not that he wants to see me again from the look of things, lol |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"Erm … I wouldn’t want someone I’m meeting to be going back and telling someone else about it.
This and if I found out he did then there would be no more meets."
Same here. I wonder if the people they meet know that they will be sharing details with others. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"It’s a tough one.
With my main FWB, I’d be ultra jealous if I knew he is meeting other people. So I prefer not to know. I don’t ask, he doesn’t say. But he does ask me and gets turned on when I tell him about seeing other people....
Another long-term fwb just got it on with someone new- they’re all over each other, veris almost every day, lol, and very, very graphic videos. I did feel a pang of jealousy but I’m over it now. Don’t think I’ll see him again though. Not that he wants to see me again from the look of things, lol "
Fair enough, I think it shows how we are all different as people but also I think it stems from each one individually with ourselves as some might love it some others might get more jealous
Very interesting, also I guess I’m less open to share but I’m okay with being shared
What can I say, greedy girl |
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I don't mind knowing, but I wouldn't want details as I wouldn't want them talking about me to others.
I guess it would depend on how much I liked them.
But if I have numerous fwb, it's a bit hypocritical. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Definitely better to not know for me.
I'd not call it jealousy, but certainly hints of it for sure. Not enough for me to kick up a fuss over or anything like that. Maybe, as you say, a bit of self doubt and insecurities in myself."
This |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I don't mind knowing, but I wouldn't want details as I wouldn't want them talking about me to others.
I guess it would depend on how much I liked them.
But if I have numerous fwb, it's a bit hypocritical."
I think it’s okay sometimes, I mean, feelings are just feelings and can’t control them sometimes. (Just can control how you act on them. Hence why some who kick a fuss and have a gazillions fwb then would look totally hypocritical and don’t have a leg to stand on. But I think it’s okay to feel a certain way…) |
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By *viatrixWoman
over a year ago
Redhill |
"I don't mind knowing, but I wouldn't want details as I wouldn't want them talking about me to others.
I guess it would depend on how much I liked them.
But if I have numerous fwb, it's a bit hypocritical.
I think it’s okay sometimes, I mean, feelings are just feelings and can’t control them sometimes. (Just can control how you act on them. Hence why some who kick a fuss and have a gazillions fwb then would look totally hypocritical and don’t have a leg to stand on. But I think it’s okay to feel a certain way…) "
Exactly. You can feel it, but not show it...  |
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I don't mind 1 way or another. Though I can understand pangs if jealousy or maybe wishing g it was you instead.
I'm kind of secure in who I am.
For me there are no comparisons between the people I meet as they all have their own unique qualities.
Thats how I try to see myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm rarely jealous and if an FWB wants to tell me about another woman - that's cool. If I have a connection with someone, I want them to be happy and satisfied. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’d rather know but can’t help feeling a bit jealous and insecure, even in a relationship where we’ve agreed on no exclusivity."
I have the same feelings, I do kinda hate feeling that jealous feeling tho x it’s an odd one |
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I know all of who they meet and they know mine and we discuss scenarios that brought pleasure without the need for rating different meets. Jealousy wise I don't ever feel it, I feel joy and happiness from them receiving pleasure from another woman hence where Compersion comes into play. I want all of my fwb to be happy regardless of where their pleasure comes from, I may not like a person they meet but as long as they are happy so am I |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I know all of who they meet and they know mine and we discuss scenarios that brought pleasure without the need for rating different meets. Jealousy wise I don't ever feel it, I feel joy and happiness from them receiving pleasure from another woman hence where Compersion comes into play. I want all of my fwb to be happy regardless of where their pleasure comes from, I may not like a person they meet but as long as they are happy so am I"
Compersion is little mentioned on Fab (or I don't know where to look!) - it's a wonderful concept I think. |
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I have never been jealous 
