FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > "Why have you stopped talking to me?"
"Why have you stopped talking to me?"
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
Tell me if this sounds familiar...you make a connection with someone online, the first chat you have is great, you find out you have some things in common (all good). Second chat (initiated by you) is a bit less exciting, as they are less engaging and seem busy. Third chat (again initiated by you) is even worse, as their replies are mostly blunt "yes" , "no" , "aha". So now you are thinking "ok this isn't going anywhere, they clearly aren't interested ", and you go on about your business. A week goes by, maybe even two and a random text message from that person pops up..."hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?". And now you are sitting there perplexed, thinking "HUMAN, are you for real?!".
Now you have three choices :
1.You tell them that from the previous conversation you had, it seemed they are no longer interested, but you would still like to meet them
2.You tell them you don't think you are compatible with each other (and never speak to them again)
3.You go on a thousand words rant reply about how ignorant and self centred they are and tell them to fuck off.
Which one do you choose? 
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Tell me if this sounds familiar...you make a connection with someone online, the first chat you have is great, you find out you have some things in common (all good). Second chat (initiated by you) is a bit less exciting, as they are less engaging and seem busy. Third chat (again initiated by you) is even worse, as their replies are mostly blunt "yes" , "no" , "aha". So now you are thinking "ok this isn't going anywhere, they clearly aren't interested ", and you go on about your business. A week goes by, maybe even two and a random text message from that person pops up..."hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?". And now you are sitting there perplexed, thinking "HUMAN, are you for real?!".
Now you have three choices :
1.You tell them that from the previous conversation you had, it seemed they are no longer interested, but you would still like to meet them
2.You tell them you don't think you are compatible with each other (and never speak to them again)
3.You go on a thousand words rant reply about how ignorant and self centred they are and tell them to fuck off.
Which one do you choose?
"
Number 1, as I know I can get really busy and it can take weeks before I get a chance to reply to messages on here. Also it can get lost in the numerous messages received.
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"It's not an issue if you want sex.
You just say, I haven't. Great to hear from you. How are you doing ?
Then get laid."
that's sweet...you really think it's that easy for men to get laid? |
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"It's not an issue if you want sex.
You just say, I haven't. Great to hear from you. How are you doing ?
Then get laid.
that's sweet...you really think it's that easy for men to get laid? "
It's easier my way than yours..... ' I thought you weren't interested' doesn't get you laid. |
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By *lan157Man
over a year ago
a village near Haywards Heath in East Sussex |
"P.S. Your number one is shit. There's NO reason and nothing to be gained by playing table tennis .......
Just say ..... Hey lovely to hear from you. "
I would go with this new suggested option ( but include an additional few sentences that end on a matter she or they can return to you on . ...but if you get a 3 word reply then it's all a game so moved on at that point |
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"P.S. Your number one is shit. There's NO reason and nothing to be gained by playing table tennis .......
Just say ..... Hey lovely to hear from you.
I would go with this new suggested option ( but include an additional few sentences that end on a matter she or they can return to you on . ...but if you get a 3 word reply then it's all a game so moved on at that point "
The gold cup goes to Alaaaaaaaaaan!!!
See?
Sensible no drama. If they play games again ........ sod em. |
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It’s happened to me a good few times. And I have to be honest it hurts but just got to get on with it. I just wish some adults would just be honest and just say
But you will be okay OP and this will happen many times to you it’s just how it is unfortunately |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Tell me if this sounds familiar...you make a connection with someone online, the first chat you have is great, you find out you have some things in common (all good). Second chat (initiated by you) is a bit less exciting, as they are less engaging and seem busy. Third chat (again initiated by you) is even worse, as their replies are mostly blunt "yes" , "no" , "aha". So now you are thinking "ok this isn't going anywhere, they clearly aren't interested ", and you go on about your business. A week goes by, maybe even two and a random text message from that person pops up..."hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?". And now you are sitting there perplexed, thinking "HUMAN, are you for real?!".
Now you have three choices :
1.You tell them that from the previous conversation you had, it seemed they are no longer interested, but you would still like to meet them
2.You tell them you don't think you are compatible with each other (and never speak to them again)
3.You go on a thousand words rant reply about how ignorant and self centred they are and tell them to fuck off.
Which one do you choose?
"
If they messaged me with “hey you ok?” I’d simple delete and move on. Anyone with any genuine interest would have at least made a reasonable effort to re-engage in a proper conversation, and frankly “hey you ok?” just Doesn’t cut it for me. But that’s my own personal view.
People are busy, we have to respect that, but if/when people have time to reply and are genuinely interested, their dialogue/chat shows it.
Save your time and energy for a conversation where the contribution of effort feels more balanced.
Good luck! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Well I thought I'd been ghosted by somebody here, no response to messages (not pestering ones, just general chat and interest ones) and nothing for a couple of weeks.
Nah, they'd just had a bout of gastroenteritis and not been on. |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"It's not an issue if you want sex.
You just say, I haven't. Great to hear from you. How are you doing ?
Then get laid.
that's sweet...you really think it's that easy for men to get laid?
It's easier my way than yours..... ' I thought you weren't interested' doesn't get you laid."
Ok but I am asking what you would do in that position, not what I should do (because I have already chosen number two)...you as a woman have chatted with a guy, and the last conversation he was very blunt and disengaged, so now he texted you and basically is blaming you for not talking to him anymore...what would you do?
My question was aimed at each individual and what they would do in that situation...I wasn't asking for advice on what I should do
Guess I should have made that a bit more clear |
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By *eah BabyCouple
over a year ago
Cheshire, Windermere ,Cumbria |
Where’s option 4? I don’t like 1 to 3 lol
My reply would be ‘I’m great thanks hope you are too’ and leave it there, see if they come back with anything more to say if there is great if not move on, if there’s no conversation then it’s game over for me,  |
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"4. It's not you, it's me.
5. Yes it is you. It's always you.
6. FAF?
7. Buy a Ninja outfit and start stalking them 
Looks like a babybel cheese Ace"
I was thinking more along the lines of SpongeBob SquarePants actually |
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"We all have a life yes... but... If you're truly, truly interested in someone the convo wouldn't/shouldn't have fizzled out...  that's just my take on it...
"
Even if you are really interested in someone things happen that can send you quiet, I would never be drawn into a reason why as it’s none of their business. |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason"
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point. |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
Always makes me smile when people have this perception that a conversation on here should be continuous and follow a set pattern - it's no different to life in general, you don't constantly talk to friends 24/7 - sometimes you'll talk for hours, others you might grab a few minutes etc and sometimes it might be every day for a week and others it might only be once a week.
That's the nature of conversations they ebb and flow and start and stop - there are some people here I've not talked to in an age and yet know if I drop them a note we'll just pick up from where we left off. |
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"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point. "
Of course if they have time for ‘ok’ then they have time for a few words more but again do they have to give a reason why. Maybe I just think differently and don’t expect anything from anyone |
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"Tell me if this sounds familiar...you make a connection with someone online, the first chat you have is great, you find out you have some things in common (all good). Second chat (initiated by you) is a bit less exciting, as they are less engaging and seem busy. Third chat (again initiated by you) is even worse, as their replies are mostly blunt "yes" , "no" , "aha". So now you are thinking "ok this isn't going anywhere, they clearly aren't interested ", and you go on about your business. A week goes by, maybe even two and a random text message from that person pops up..."hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?". And now you are sitting there perplexed, thinking "HUMAN, are you for real?!".
Now you have three choices :
1.You tell them that from the previous conversation you had, it seemed they are no longer interested, but you would still like to meet them
2.You tell them you don't think you are compatible with each other (and never speak to them again)
3.You go on a thousand words rant reply about how ignorant and self centred they are and tell them to fuck off.
Which one do you choose?
"
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"Tell me if this sounds familiar...you make a connection with someone online, the first chat you have is great, you find out you have some things in common (all good). Second chat (initiated by you) is a bit less exciting, as they are less engaging and seem busy. Third chat (again initiated by you) is even worse, as their replies are mostly blunt "yes" , "no" , "aha". So now you are thinking "ok this isn't going anywhere, they clearly aren't interested ", and you go on about your business. A week goes by, maybe even two and a random text message from that person pops up..."hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?". And now you are sitting there perplexed, thinking "HUMAN, are you for real?!".
Now you have three choices :
1.You tell them that from the previous conversation you had, it seemed they are no longer interested, but you would still like to meet them
2.You tell them you don't think you are compatible with each other (and never speak to them again)
3.You go on a thousand words rant reply about how ignorant and self centred they are and tell them to fuck off.
Which one do you choose?
"
Id say looking at your photos its their loss. Move on to better things...  |
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I like what sin talent and miss lips and hips said for me personally I been going through personal family stuff that I thought I was ok with then a few days later I've been crying alot feeling the heartache and I wouldn't share it with any potentials unless they asked how I was even then I would say not been my usual self.
Before hand not having any regulars made me step back and let those who were intrested in meeting me make the plans of when and where we would meet whether its a social or social and a play after.
The fact you have stepped back for a week you allowed space for them to realise if they are still interested then they need to contact you. I suspect your interested too OP so let them know and see what happens. They may surprise you with what's gone on in their personal life which would explain their one word replies  xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I don't get that invested with random people I chat to. Happy to chat whenever. I don't expect to check in all the time... so anyone asking me why I wasn't talking to them is too hard work for me so I'd make light of it and probably ignore them if they carried on in that vein. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point. "
I would assume they aren't interested and just get bored of chatting to them.
Only time I'd be ok with short messages is from a friend. |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point.
Of course if they have time for ‘ok’ then they have time for a few words more but again do they have to give a reason why. Maybe I just think differently and don’t expect anything from anyone "
Have you read the whole post? Their last message to me was " why have you stopped talking to me?" I was very much understanding towards the fact that they might be busy or not interested and I stopped texting them...but yet they're first message to me after a 2 week silence is "why have you stopped talking to me?" Literally asking me for an explanation...common, it works both ways doesn't it? |
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"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point.
Of course if they have time for ‘ok’ then they have time for a few words more but again do they have to give a reason why. Maybe I just think differently and don’t expect anything from anyone
Have you read the whole post? Their last message to me was " why have you stopped talking to me?" I was very much understanding towards the fact that they might be busy or not interested and I stopped texting them...but yet they're first message to me after a 2 week silence is "why have you stopped talking to me?" Literally asking me for an explanation...common, it works both ways doesn't it?"
Yes I read the post and that is what my first paragraph responded to, that is how I would respond after two weeks, no need to go on the attack or dig for a reason. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you |
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By *icentiousCouple
over a year ago
Up on them there hills |
"Tell me if this sounds familiar...you make a connection with someone online, the first chat you have is great, you find out you have some things in common (all good). Second chat (initiated by you) is a bit less exciting, as they are less engaging and seem busy. Third chat (again initiated by you) is even worse, as their replies are mostly blunt "yes" , "no" , "aha". So now you are thinking "ok this isn't going anywhere, they clearly aren't interested ", and you go on about your business. A week goes by, maybe even two and a random text message from that person pops up..."hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?". And now you are sitting there perplexed, thinking "HUMAN, are you for real?!".
Now you have three choices :
1.You tell them that from the previous conversation you had, it seemed they are no longer interested, but you would still like to meet them
2.You tell them you don't think you are compatible with each other (and never speak to them again)
3.You go on a thousand words rant reply about how ignorant and self centred they are and tell them to fuck off.
Which one do you choose?
"
Depends on the outcome you are looking for.
Example.
1, being civil.
2, spitting the dummy.
3, Fab ban. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Tell me if this sounds familiar...you make a connection with someone online, the first chat you have is great, you find out you have some things in common (all good). Second chat (initiated by you) is a bit less exciting, as they are less engaging and seem busy. Third chat (again initiated by you) is even worse, as their replies are mostly blunt "yes" , "no" , "aha". So now you are thinking "ok this isn't going anywhere, they clearly aren't interested ", and you go on about your business. A week goes by, maybe even two and a random text message from that person pops up..."hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?". And now you are sitting there perplexed, thinking "HUMAN, are you for real?!".
Now you have three choices :
1.You tell them that from the previous conversation you had, it seemed they are no longer interested, but you would still like to meet them
2.You tell them you don't think you are compatible with each other (and never speak to them again)
3.You go on a thousand words rant reply about how ignorant and self centred they are and tell them to fuck off.
Which one do you choose?
"
Tell them that I got chatting to someone else, had a social with them and it's been a lot of fun since and I'm good.
Done that more than once!
PW
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Lots of people I forget to reply to and not on purpose. Inattentive adhd just means I forget and other thing means I might not know what to say.
Or. Free choice. |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"I like what sin talent and miss lips and hips said for me personally I been going through personal family stuff that I thought I was ok with then a few days later I've been crying alot feeling the heartache and I wouldn't share it with any potentials unless they asked how I was even then I would say not been my usual self.
Before hand not having any regulars made me step back and let those who were intrested in meeting me make the plans of when and where we would meet whether its a social or social and a play after.
The fact you have stepped back for a week you allowed space for them to realise if they are still interested then they need to contact you. I suspect your interested too OP so let them know and see what happens. They may surprise you with what's gone on in their personal life which would explain their one word replies xx"
So if you would be in that person's place and you had a lot to deal with in your personal life, would your first message back (after a 2 week break) be "why have you stopped talking to me?". I'm sorry but for me that shows it's all about them. |
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If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
"
In my case on my singles profile if I'm online it usually means I'm in the forums or reading them but doesn't mean I've got other plates spinning. |
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Number 2.
Because they sound like a number 2.
Why would you want to meet a number 2?
They are not engaging.. they make no effort... they are boring... they expect you to do the work and the chasing and then become needy when you stop.
Nah.
Next! |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point.
Of course if they have time for ‘ok’ then they have time for a few words more but again do they have to give a reason why. Maybe I just think differently and don’t expect anything from anyone
Have you read the whole post? Their last message to me was " why have you stopped talking to me?" I was very much understanding towards the fact that they might be busy or not interested and I stopped texting them...but yet they're first message to me after a 2 week silence is "why have you stopped talking to me?" Literally asking me for an explanation...common, it works both ways doesn't it?
Yes I read the post and that is what my first paragraph responded to, that is how I would respond after two weeks, no need to go on the attack or dig for a reason. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you "
I'm sorry ,I just think that's wrong |
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"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point.
Of course if they have time for ‘ok’ then they have time for a few words more but again do they have to give a reason why. Maybe I just think differently and don’t expect anything from anyone
Have you read the whole post? Their last message to me was " why have you stopped talking to me?" I was very much understanding towards the fact that they might be busy or not interested and I stopped texting them...but yet they're first message to me after a 2 week silence is "why have you stopped talking to me?" Literally asking me for an explanation...common, it works both ways doesn't it?
Yes I read the post and that is what my first paragraph responded to, that is how I would respond after two weeks, no need to go on the attack or dig for a reason. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you
I'm sorry ,I just think that's wrong "
As I said your choice how you respond, but I would choose to be civil to the person in question |
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"If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
In my case on my singles profile if I'm online it usually means I'm in the forums or reading them but doesn't mean I've got other plates spinning. "
Other plates spinning meaning other things they are doing on FAB…other people they are chatting to, forums..etc |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point.
Of course if they have time for ‘ok’ then they have time for a few words more but again do they have to give a reason why. Maybe I just think differently and don’t expect anything from anyone
Have you read the whole post? Their last message to me was " why have you stopped talking to me?" I was very much understanding towards the fact that they might be busy or not interested and I stopped texting them...but yet they're first message to me after a 2 week silence is "why have you stopped talking to me?" Literally asking me for an explanation...common, it works both ways doesn't it?
Yes I read the post and that is what my first paragraph responded to, that is how I would respond after two weeks, no need to go on the attack or dig for a reason. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you
I'm sorry ,I just think that's wrong
As I said your choice how you respond, but I would choose to be civil to the person in question "
Ok, honestly I appreciate you commenting and giving me advice, but my post wasn't about asking for advice, as I already had chosen number 2 (told her we are not compatible) before I even posted this. The thread was simply me asking how would people react and reply (as an individual) should they be in a similar position. And I feel you put yourself in the position of the woman I was in contact with, rather than put yourself in the position the question was actually intended. Perhaps I misunderstood (and I apologise if that is the case). I think it's very admirable that you are that understanding. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Always makes me smile when people have this perception that a conversation on here should be continuous and follow a set pattern - it's no different to life in general, you don't constantly talk to friends 24/7 - sometimes you'll talk for hours, others you might grab a few minutes etc and sometimes it might be every day for a week and others it might only be once a week.
That's the nature of conversations they ebb and flow and start and stop - there are some people here I've not talked to in an age and yet know if I drop them a note we'll just pick up from where we left off."
It’s pretty clear the chap wasn’t questioning the frequency and/or expediency of the messages, but rather the quality of them and the engagement. |
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"None of them, everyone has lives outside of here, things fizzle out so just a simple ‘Hi, good to hear from you, hope you are ok’ suffices no need to dissect or give a reason
Of course people have lives outside of this site...but if they have time to reply to each of your messages with a blunt "aha" , "ok" ,"no" , shouldn't they be able to reply with "hello, a bit busy now can we chat later?". Common, people know exactly what they are doing, and if they don't know what they are doing then they are ignorant, and I for one would much rather no longer engage with ignorant people, from that point.
Of course if they have time for ‘ok’ then they have time for a few words more but again do they have to give a reason why. Maybe I just think differently and don’t expect anything from anyone
Have you read the whole post? Their last message to me was " why have you stopped talking to me?" I was very much understanding towards the fact that they might be busy or not interested and I stopped texting them...but yet they're first message to me after a 2 week silence is "why have you stopped talking to me?" Literally asking me for an explanation...common, it works both ways doesn't it?
Yes I read the post and that is what my first paragraph responded to, that is how I would respond after two weeks, no need to go on the attack or dig for a reason. How you choose to respond is entirely up to you
I'm sorry ,I just think that's wrong
As I said your choice how you respond, but I would choose to be civil to the person in question
Ok, honestly I appreciate you commenting and giving me advice, but my post wasn't about asking for advice, as I already had chosen number 2 (told her we are not compatible) before I even posted this. The thread was simply me asking how would people react and reply (as an individual) should they be in a similar position. And I feel you put yourself in the position of the woman I was in contact with, rather than put yourself in the position the question was actually intended. Perhaps I misunderstood (and I apologise if that is the case). I think it's very admirable that you are that understanding."
I wasn’t responding as the woman as you thought, you asked how we would respond to the message received (that you had received) and that is how I would respond. |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
"Always makes me smile when people have this perception that a conversation on here should be continuous and follow a set pattern - it's no different to life in general, you don't constantly talk to friends 24/7 - sometimes you'll talk for hours, others you might grab a few minutes etc and sometimes it might be every day for a week and others it might only be once a week.
That's the nature of conversations they ebb and flow and start and stop - there are some people here I've not talked to in an age and yet know if I drop them a note we'll just pick up from where we left off.
It’s pretty clear the chap wasn’t questioning the frequency and/or expediency of the messages, but rather the quality of them and the engagement. "
Spot on! Thank you |
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"If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
In my case on my singles profile if I'm online it usually means I'm in the forums or reading them but doesn't mean I've got other plates spinning. "
If you were interested would it a week to reply? |
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By *emini ManMan
over a year ago
There and to the left a bit |
"Always makes me smile when people have this perception that a conversation on here should be continuous and follow a set pattern - it's no different to life in general, you don't constantly talk to friends 24/7 - sometimes you'll talk for hours, others you might grab a few minutes etc and sometimes it might be every day for a week and others it might only be once a week.
That's the nature of conversations they ebb and flow and start and stop - there are some people here I've not talked to in an age and yet know if I drop them a note we'll just pick up from where we left off.
It’s pretty clear the chap wasn’t questioning the frequency and/or expediency of the messages, but rather the quality of them and the engagement. "
Maybe, although I think there were elements of both - either way the context of my response applies, much like conversations in the real world conversations here ebb and flow, some are long and in depth, some short and sweet - sometimes there are gaps between one ending and another starting.
And sometimes the context can be lost in a textual conversation - whilst as it's presented "hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?" may appear odd, or even ham fisted or yes possibly insecure - it could also have been a tongue in cheek opening line, without seeing the original conversation we don't know, and even if we had it might be down to individual interpretation.
I just sometimes think it's easy to over analyse conversations in a text format and read more into them than there actually is, and I say that as one of the worst for doing so.
Personally if someone got in touch again after a couple of weeks I'd respond with a "Hey, how are you?" type response and if they started with "hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?" - I'd respond with a tongue in cheek reply suggesting they stopped too, but it was good to hear from them again. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The "hey you ok? Why have you stopped talking to me?" would likely grate me and my gut reaction would be to choose either 2 or 3 depending on how much of a good mood I am at the time.
But after taking a deep breath I’d probably opt for option 1 and give them a second chance. Although there wouldn’t be any third chance: if things are to go anywhere both parties ought to show they are interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Where’s option 4? I don’t like 1 to 3 lol
My reply would be ‘I’m great thanks hope you are too’ and leave it there, see if they come back with anything more to say if there is great if not move on, if there’s no conversation then it’s game over for me, "
Yes I think I’d go with this too. Give them a chance, but don’t get too invested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
In my case on my singles profile if I'm online it usually means I'm in the forums or reading them but doesn't mean I've got other plates spinning.
If you were interested would it a week to reply?"
It could do but generally no. Depends on life commitments at the time. I also don't rush into meets and like to get a feel for someone first so I chat a fair bit when interested.
PW |
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"If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
"
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I have chat spurts here and there. Sometimes I'm in the chatting mood and other well, not so much.
I nearly always head straight to the forum and on occasions never check my messages. But.. you already know if you've been chatting to someone chances are they've replied to your last message.
I wouldn't leave it a week to respond to a friend or a someone I was interested in.
If they were online and had been for a week and, not replied to my message I'd figure that they weren't all that interested anyway.
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"If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
"
Totally agree.
If someone is online but not bothering to message you, this is in itself a response telling you that you aren’t important enough.
Being a mature adult, I would tell them that’s how I felt. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I have chat spurts here and there. Sometimes I'm in the chatting mood and other well, not so much.
I nearly always head straight to the forum and on occasions never check my messages. But.. you already know if you've been chatting to someone chances are they've replied to your last message.
I wouldn't leave it a week to respond to a friend or a someone I was interested in.
If they were online and had been for a week and, not replied to my message I'd figure that they weren't all that interested anyway.
"
I agree, I'm the same I barely ever look at my messages and go straight to forums.
But I also try to not get heavily invested in a conversation on here to be honest.
I'd have to go with option 1 but there wouldn't be a 2nd chance. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Important enough. Ooo. That’s a nice angle.
Not turn for you stir, genuine point.
At what point does someone you don’t know, who potentially isn’t real and you don’t know how they feel become important?
This will sound rude. And it’s not targeted. But none of you will be important to us. Let me explain.
We wink. Message. Hotlist. Etc. And then We forget you. We are but 2 people. We shouldn’t mean anything to you either.
If you reply. awesome. we’ll try and keep up. It takes effort and energy. In the same way if you stop replying we won’t bug. If we come across you again 1 month after, maybe I’ll send another hey. And then a month after that? I usually block. Less scrolling for us. Less scrolling for you.
It we send you a friend frequent, that means we’re not sure what’s happening but we’d like to make it a little less likely we’ll lose you (and to perv of course). If you make it on to our telegram, you mean something to us.
Why rush. Tik followed tok followed Tib. Good things come to those that wait.
Now I’ve annoyed people here. I just go annoy self righteous single men in another thread. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think there's a thing that guys don't understand.
Women, or couples with overtly sexy pics of the woman, are absolutely flooded with messages from men, some well-meaning and polite, but most pointless and boorish.
I have one acquaintance here who doesn't check in too often, weekly on average, and her profile pics don't scream "gagging for it" or even "check my sexy out" but when she does check in it's literally hundreds of messages. |
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By *agic.M OP Man
over a year ago
Orpington |
I think I am obligated to step in to explain a few things, as most people make this to "fab" focused, and the post has nothing to do with messaging on fab, but with the attitude and intent of people in their messages overall. Let's say you have the first conversation on fab or another dating site or social media and the first conversation is great, so great it continues on WhatsApp (after you exchanged numbers). Now second conversation (initiated by you on WhatsApp) something feels off, as the person that initially seemed engaging, no longer has the same attitude in the second conversation. Third conversation is even worse as they just reply with "aha" /"ok". Now at this point I personally think they are no longer interested ( also keep in mind that in the last two conversations you had already asked if they are busy- and the answer was "no", or if they are feeling ok - and the answer was "yeah"). Two weeks later they hit you with "hey you ok, why have you stopped talking to me?" Now how would you react to that and what would you reply? Because for me personally their attitude in communication and their pattern of behaviour, makes me understand two things- they're not that interested in me as I thought, and they only want to speak to me on their terms( aka when they are bored/alone/or when other men they are more interested in,are not online)...but that's just me.
Again, the post is not about asking advice on how a man should message/reply on fab and how women receive thousand of messages on fab, and that people get busy. We understand all that. But the post is focused on human behaviour when they message...specifically in this context where the person in question showed a pattern of behaviour up until the moment you received the last message from them..."hey you ok, why did you stop talking to me?" |
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"If someone doesn’t reply to you within a week then that tells me that they aren’t that interested in you.
If they are online all the time and not replying, they’ve got other plates spinning…
If you are near the top of their thoughts they’d reply to you.
Feeling like a number then you probably are.
K
In my case on my singles profile if I'm online it usually means I'm in the forums or reading them but doesn't mean I've got other plates spinning.
If you were interested would it a week to reply?
It could do but generally no. Depends on life commitments at the time. I also don't rush into meets and like to get a feel for someone first so I chat a fair bit when interested.
PW"
There have been times where I have fully intended to reply to someone and regrettably never got back to it!
On the whole, I do reply (within a week of being online) if I am building/already built the foundations of friendship.
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"I think I am obligated to step in to explain a few things, as most people make this to "fab" focused, and the post has nothing to do with messaging on fab, but with the attitude and intent of people in their messages overall. Let's say you have the first conversation on fab or another dating site or social media and the first conversation is great, so great it continues on WhatsApp (after you exchanged numbers). Now second conversation (initiated by you on WhatsApp) something feels off, as the person that initially seemed engaging, no longer has the same attitude in the second conversation. Third conversation is even worse as they just reply with "aha" /"ok". Now at this point I personally think they are no longer interested ( also keep in mind that in the last two conversations you had already asked if they are busy- and the answer was "no", or if they are feeling ok - and the answer was "yeah"). Two weeks later they hit you with "hey you ok, why have you stopped talking to me?" Now how would you react to that and what would you reply? Because for me personally their attitude in communication and their pattern of behaviour, makes me understand two things- they're not that interested in me as I thought, and they only want to speak to me on their terms( aka when they are bored/alone/or when other men they are more interested in,are not online)...but that's just me.
Again, the post is not about asking advice on how a man should message/reply on fab and how women receive thousand of messages on fab, and that people get busy. We understand all that. But the post is focused on human behaviour when they message...specifically in this context where the person in question showed a pattern of behaviour up until the moment you received the last message from them..."hey you ok, why did you stop talking to me?" "
Yes...I do get you
In answer to that question...I'd have wished they hadn't have bothered at all to make contact....no contact would have been better than that message.
It wouldn't impress me much...I'm not sure I'd even reply!
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