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Something that really upset me this morning...
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Jo x | |||
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"Popped to Asda and there was a woman in front with a pram and very new baby in, toddler alongside. Woman was adjusting her mask so I waited patiently behind. The toddler was 2 and a half maybe 3, looked a sweet kid, was not causing any bother. Then I hear the mother turn to her in a really nasty voice and say "Now don't get in my f ing way cos that'll really p@@s me off" Poor kids, I'm glad I had a mask on as it hid most of my face but my eyebrows nearly left the planet. What hope have these kids got
Jo x"Pretty grim! | |||
"Popped to Asda and there was a woman in front with a pram and very new baby in, toddler alongside. Woman was adjusting her mask so I waited patiently behind. The toddler was 2 and a half maybe 3, looked a sweet kid, was not causing any bother. Then I hear the mother turn to her in a really nasty voice and say "Now don't get in my f ing way cos that'll really p@@s me off" Poor kids, I'm glad I had a mask on as it hid most of my face but my eyebrows nearly left the planet. What hope have these kids got
Jo x"That make me sad and angry. Even if she had bad time surely she need to be more in control! I saw the same things few weeks ago with a little girl pushing he mum to the extreme, so I turn to the mum and just told her: looks like it’s going to be a long day and smile at her… I think she took a big breath before snap out at her child | |||
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"Popped to Asda and there was a woman in front with a pram and very new baby in, toddler alongside. Woman was adjusting her mask so I waited patiently behind. The toddler was 2 and a half maybe 3, looked a sweet kid, was not causing any bother. Then I hear the mother turn to her in a really nasty voice and say "Now don't get in my f ing way cos that'll really p@@s me off" Poor kids, I'm glad I had a mask on as it hid most of my face but my eyebrows nearly left the planet. What hope have these kids got
Jo x
That make me sad and angry. Even if she had bad time surely she need to be more in control!
I saw the same things few weeks ago with a little girl pushing he mum to the extreme, so I turn to the mum and just told her: looks like it’s going to be a long day and smile at her… I think she took a big breath before snap out at her child "That's just it, the little one was standing there as quiet as a mouse, no need for that sort of tone language x | |||
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"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs" Sorry, don't agree, she just could have said, stand by the side and hold onto the pram so you are nice and safe Jo | |||
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"Popped to Asda and there was a woman in front with a pram and very new baby in, toddler alongside. Woman was adjusting her mask so I waited patiently behind. The toddler was 2 and a half maybe 3, looked a sweet kid, was not causing any bother. Then I hear the mother turn to her in a really nasty voice and say "Now don't get in my f ing way cos that'll really p@@s me off" Poor kids, I'm glad I had a mask on as it hid most of my face but my eyebrows nearly left the planet. What hope have these kids got
Jo x
That make me sad and angry. Even if she had bad time surely she need to be more in control!
I saw the same things few weeks ago with a little girl pushing he mum to the extreme, so I turn to the mum and just told her: looks like it’s going to be a long day and smile at her… I think she took a big breath before snap out at her child
That's just it, the little one was standing there as quiet as a mouse, no need for that sort of tone language x"All you need sometime is to give her a chance by talking or engaging with her. She might not have any support in life, and by doing it you give a chance to that toddler diverting her mum passing anger for a moment… | |||
"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs Sorry, don't agree, she just could have said, stand by the side and hold onto the pram so you are nice and safe Jo" Fair enough we don't all need to agree with each other  .
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"It's sad that we all witness something like this a lot but there isn't a lot a by stander can do. I work in children's mental health and the anger I have to deal with from some parents, it does make you wonder if they are a cause for a lot of the child's issues. But then again, we are all human and it could have just been a snap or a mom at breaking point. It's hard to judge when you don't know the full story. " I work in mental health too and also was in childcare for years, agreed I know no backstory but talking like that in every day situations makes you wonder what happens or said when tempers are frayed Jo x | |||
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"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs"  | |||
"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs Sorry, don't agree, she just could have said, stand by the side and hold onto the pram so you are nice and safe Jo Fair enough we don't all need to agree with each other .
"Very true, just felt sorry for the little ones thats all. Just can't get her little face out of my head X | |||
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"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs Sorry, don't agree, she just could have said, stand by the side and hold onto the pram so you are nice and safe Jo Fair enough we don't all need to agree with each other .
Very true, just felt sorry for the little ones thats all. Just can't get her little face out of my head
X"I know it’s hearth broken when you see this kind of behaviour. But was the kid badly dressed? Was she unwashed ? Scared? Some mum have been brought up that way with and language but are not necessarily dangerous to their child’s. It’s a harsh reality but I learn they are some choices when the child best interest is to stay with their mum. If there is no sign of physical abuse. But as mentioned earlier it might just be a snappy moment of a tired mum. | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. " I can understand this. | |||
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"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this." Sisterhood eh... | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this." I can so understand this, been there too but I never swore in my child's face when she was doing nothing wrong, I never swore in my child's face full stop. But no, I don't know the story and that's that. Jo | |||
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"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs Sorry, don't agree, she just could have said, stand by the side and hold onto the pram so you are nice and safe Did you offer to help? Or ask if everything was ok? Jo" | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. " I think most of us can relate. Parenting is stressful and we are all capable of snapping at little ones when it gets too much, but it doesn't make it OK and it is sad to witness stuff like this. I've lived in a very rough area most of my life, and I have seen this behaviour quite often, especially when I worked in retail and I have even experienced it in my family... this woman could easily be having a bad day but who knows what goes on behind closed doors. | |||
"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs Sorry, don't agree, she just could have said, stand by the side and hold onto the pram so you are nice and safe Jo Fair enough we don't all need to agree with each other .
Very true, just felt sorry for the little ones thats all. Just can't get her little face out of my head
X
I know it’s hearth broken when you see this kind of behaviour.
But was the kid badly dressed? Was she unwashed ? Scared?
Some mum have been brought up that way with and language but are not necessarily dangerous to their child’s. It’s a harsh reality but I learn they are some choices when the child best interest is to stay with their mum. If there is no sign of physical abuse.
But as mentioned earlier it might just be a snappy moment of a tired mum. "No, they were all nicely dressed, and nobody looked harassed, I unfortunately think that is just normal speaking behaviour to them Good job we are not all the same Jo | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this. I can so understand this, been there too but I never swore in my child's face when she was doing nothing wrong, I never swore in my child's face full stop. But no, I don't know the story and that's that. Jo "It is non the less upsetting to witness it. | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I think most of us can relate. Parenting is stressful and we are all capable of snapping at little ones when it gets too much, but it doesn't make it OK and it is sad to witness stuff like this. I've lived in a very rough area most of my life, and I have seen this behaviour quite often, especially when I worked in retail and I have even experienced it in my family... this woman could easily be having a bad day but who knows what goes on behind closed doors. " Exactly, none of us know what goes on behind closed doors. Parenting is probably the most difficult job any of us will ever undertake. | |||
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"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I think most of us can relate. Parenting is stressful and we are all capable of snapping at little ones when it gets too much, but it doesn't make it OK and it is sad to witness stuff like this. I've lived in a very rough area most of my life, and I have seen this behaviour quite often, especially when I worked in retail and I have even experienced it in my family... this woman could easily be having a bad day but who knows what goes on behind closed doors. " I think that's what bothers me most. Years ago I did work for the council, giving respite care to little ones, I found it hard to take some of them back home
Jo x | |||
"I had an argument with a woman in a Tesco once for the way she was speaking to her own child. Wasn’t just me there were a few others who saw/heard what went on and told her that it was unacceptable. It still baffles me that anybody can just have kids at will." How did you and the others feel afterwards? | |||
"I had an argument with a woman in a Tesco once for the way she was speaking to her own child. Wasn’t just me there were a few others who saw/heard what went on and told her that it was unacceptable. It still baffles me that anybody can just have kids at will." I have spoken up a few times in situations like this, but rather than directly confront the person about their behaviour and incite further aggression, I have asked if everything is ok and if I can help in any way. Defuses the situation, makes the person start to explain their behaviour (every time, they have quietened down, stopped being aggressive, and have usually offered some sort of explanation or apologised for getting worked up. A little bit of support can help more than judgy confrontation. Get it wrong and you’ve got someone you already identified as aggressive, roaring at you “are you telling me how to raise my kids” etc I grew up in an area where “parenting by threat” was quite common, unfortunately. | |||
"Popped to Asda and there was a woman in front with a pram and very new baby in, toddler alongside. Woman was adjusting her mask so I waited patiently behind. The toddler was 2 and a half maybe 3, looked a sweet kid, was not causing any bother. Then I hear the mother turn to her in a really nasty voice and say "Now don't get in my f ing way cos that'll really p@@s me off" Poor kids, I'm glad I had a mask on as it hid most of my face but my eyebrows nearly left the planet. What hope have these kids got
Jo x"Some people don’t deserve kids ... .. life is precious ! | |||
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"I had an argument with a woman in a Tesco once for the way she was speaking to her own child. Wasn’t just me there were a few others who saw/heard what went on and told her that it was unacceptable. It still baffles me that anybody can just have kids at will. I have spoken up a few times in situations like this, but rather than directly confront the person about their behaviour and incite further aggression, I have asked if everything is ok and if I can help in any way. Defuses the situation, makes the person start to explain their behaviour (every time, they have quietened down, stopped being aggressive, and have usually offered some sort of explanation or apologised for getting worked up. A little bit of support can help more than judgy confrontation. Get it wrong and you’ve got someone you already identified as aggressive, roaring at you “are you telling me how to raise my kids” etc I grew up in an area where “parenting by threat” was quite common, unfortunately. " Well somebody else confronted her first and she turned to me (as i was stood quite close) as though I was going to back her up. I didn’t I also told her I didn’t agree with her berating her son in public. | |||
"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs" I see that you're coming from a good place, but this is the kind of thing that allows children to continue to live in abusive homes. Nobody wants to judge or help the angry mother, but it's the children who suffer. | |||
"I had an argument with a woman in a Tesco once for the way she was speaking to her own child. Wasn’t just me there were a few others who saw/heard what went on and told her that it was unacceptable. It still baffles me that anybody can just have kids at will. I have spoken up a few times in situations like this, but rather than directly confront the person about their behaviour and incite further aggression, I have asked if everything is ok and if I can help in any way. Defuses the situation, makes the person start to explain their behaviour (every time, they have quietened down, stopped being aggressive, and have usually offered some sort of explanation or apologised for getting worked up. A little bit of support can help more than judgy confrontation. Get it wrong and you’ve got someone you already identified as aggressive, roaring at you “are you telling me how to raise my kids” etc I grew up in an area where “parenting by threat” was quite common, unfortunately. " | |||
"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs I see that you're coming from a good place, but this is the kind of thing that allows children to continue to live in abusive homes. Nobody wants to judge or help the angry mother, but it's the children who suffer. " Genuinely, you think I'd not intervene in abuse? | |||
"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs I see that you're coming from a good place, but this is the kind of thing that allows children to continue to live in abusive homes. Nobody wants to judge or help the angry mother, but it's the children who suffer. Genuinely, you think I'd not intervene in abuse?" I've come off harsher than I meant it - it's too touchy a subject for me really. How far does a person need to go before someone will intervene? Where's the line? | |||
"What you saw was a snapshot in the life of those people. Don't be too harsh on the woman you don't know what she's experiencing or what help she needs I see that you're coming from a good place, but this is the kind of thing that allows children to continue to live in abusive homes. Nobody wants to judge or help the angry mother, but it's the children who suffer. Genuinely, you think I'd not intervene in abuse? I've come off harsher than I meant it - it's too touchy a subject for me really. How far does a person need to go before someone will intervene? Where's the line? " I agree with the snapshot thing, it’s literally that! You don’t know what the person has to deal with during, beforehand or on a daily basis. Yes the words used aren’t ideal when speaking to a young child but despite being parents we are still human too. That woman could have went home and felt a thousand shames for how she spoke. I don’t think appreciating that it is a snapshot allows children to live in abusive homes, nobody really knows the reality of anything that goes on behind closed doors. If there was more reasons to be concerned than a few harsh words I’m sure people would intervene or report. | |||
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"I was actually in early labour standing in a queue at the library when our daughter started to wander off. I called her back because I was just too knackered to chase after her. The woman in front of me said " I would have put that child in reins" How much nicer my day would have been and how fondly I would have remembered her if she'd said "I can see you're struggling, can I help?" Thirty years on I still remember the sting of her judgement" I've been told I shouldn't be out on my own with my daughter, because I'm using a wheelchair and it's not safe to have her strapped on my knee (from a total random stranger). I'm usually very forthright (as many might have guessed) but because my daughter was with me and I was absolutely astounded, I just turned and pushed in the opposite direction. I'm not usually one to reach for religious texts, but "let them without sin cast the first stone." No-one is a perfect parent and we don't know anything else. I do feel similarly when I witness such things but unless the children looked in danger or not healthy/happy, I'd minimise my involvement. | |||
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"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. " Right at the moment before it happened, where do you suggest the woman should have gone to vent and what should she have done with her children whilst she did so? | |||
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"Poor kid, he/she will probably grow up the same way, shame. " Extremely likely - in the same way his mum very likely did. We are but a product of our upbringing and environment. Nature and nurture. | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. " Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. | |||
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"Well you don’t want to be with me in a supermarket then. I’ve told my daughter I’ll boot her now if she doesn’t behave but people don’t know if she’s been giving me attitude all day and it’s a playful term used by two people who do kickboxing. She’s a brown belt and equally as capable of kicking me in the head if she wanted to. I’ll shout at my child and have shouted at my child in public many times and swore throughout her 11 years but the child would absolutely not use a swear word herself and she’s heard some colourful stuff. She’s polite she err’s on the side of being spoilt but with the same token she’s very grateful and appreciative, doesn’t demand things, I just buy her loads of shit. We cuddle, we watch films together but she’s disciplined and I don’t actually need to shout at her that much but if she was being difficult I would absolutely have no issue shouting in public and it’s worked over the years. God knows how many times I’ve been in a restaurant and seen other peoples children messing around running around the place where there’s waitresses carrying drinks or hot food and the parents just sitting there not saying a peep. If my child ever attempted it I’d instantly say Oi sit down and behave, and she would. People around may have gave a little look but then been grateful my kid wasn’t one of the children bumping into their table or getting in the way of the waitress bringing their food or shouting her head of being annoying. If you choose to take your child out in public it’s your responsibility not to disrupt other peoples experiences so if your kid is a shit, then shout at it. I wouldn’t judge another parent for shouting at their child in public. If I saw one smacking a kid hard I would and have intervened in the past. " Why can’t you just talk to her in a quiet fashion? Obviously looks like your daughter is well behaved but by fear? Does she understood why you asked to behave ? I understand some kids are worst than others but you need to look at what make them behaving that way. As for shouting at a toddler it’s not acceptable at all. | |||
"I know we may not know what's going on behind the scenes but when you see and hear kids being spoken to it in a certain way it does get to me too. " | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. " Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? " I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. " And no disrespect to anyone but like I said if you don’t live with it 24/7 it’s not possible to even have an opinion on that part. | |||
 it's very true swearing at a child is not acceptable and looks very dis tasteful.
My mum was strict and would speak in a stern way but never swore at me regardless of what she was going through as a single mum. The times I would spend at my dad's he never swore at me either.
Children didn't ask to be here so I don't get the need for swearing and belittling kids. There's better ways to discipline Children in my opinion xx | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. " No one is discounting the fact kids can push the breaking point several times in a day, that's what kids do, they are little demons at times. But that part of your brain that stops you before you lose it, is what I'm talking about. Taking a breath/ moment is very possible. Along with self regulating their emotions, doing things when they can, to stop them crossing the line from constructive role model to aggressive, defeatist when the little darlings become little horrors. But aggression and fear breeds adrenaline and heightened flight or flight responses. Definitely not healthy to have on a regular basis. | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this. Sisterhood eh..." F**k the sisterhood where a child is involved. I would rather think of the child than stick up for a woman who mistreats her child. Yes, some people may have problems in their life but we can't make excuses for everything anyone does | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. No one is discounting the fact kids can push the breaking point several times in a day, that's what kids do, they are little demons at times. But that part of your brain that stops you before you lose it, is what I'm talking about. Taking a breath/ moment is very possible. Along with self regulating their emotions, doing things when they can, to stop them crossing the line from constructive role model to aggressive, defeatist when the little darlings become little horrors. But aggression and fear breeds adrenaline and heightened flight or flight responses. Definitely not healthy to have on a regular basis. " I think Nora was highlighting a situation above and beyond a child simply being a bit difficult. Children with additional needs can present exceptionally challenging behaviours through no fault of their own. Society still expects children to be seen and not heard, so if you are the parent of a child having an autism related meltdown in the middle of Tesco, you have the stares and the tuts and the whispering of "society" all around you and very little you can do. Telling your child to stop being silly or pull themselves together or they won't get dessert later isn't going to cut it. Nor is attempting breathing exercises whilst you attempt to stop your child being run over by a trolley or running out of the door of the shop. And no, it's not always possible to leave your child at home or get the shopping delivered. | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this. Sisterhood eh... F**k the sisterhood where a child is involved. I would rather think of the child than stick up for a woman who mistreats her child. Yes, some people may have problems in their life but we can't make excuses for everything anyone does" No we can't but this is a minute in this woman's life and nobody thought to step in or offer help. | |||
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"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this. Sisterhood eh... F**k the sisterhood where a child is involved. I would rather think of the child than stick up for a woman who mistreats her child. Yes, some people may have problems in their life but we can't make excuses for everything anyone does No we can't but this is a minute in this woman's life and nobody thought to step in or offer help. " This | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. No one is discounting the fact kids can push the breaking point several times in a day, that's what kids do, they are little demons at times. But that part of your brain that stops you before you lose it, is what I'm talking about. Taking a breath/ moment is very possible. Along with self regulating their emotions, doing things when they can, to stop them crossing the line from constructive role model to aggressive, defeatist when the little darlings become little horrors. But aggression and fear breeds adrenaline and heightened flight or flight responses. Definitely not healthy to have on a regular basis. " I can’t even get into this. You obviously don’t have a child with special needs. To be fair I went off track a bit with the thread which is my fault. I just didn’t agree with some of your comments and still don’t. But like I said you can’t understand if you don’t live with it. My comments were nothing to do with the abuse by the way. I don’t condone that in any circumstance. | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. No one is discounting the fact kids can push the breaking point several times in a day, that's what kids do, they are little demons at times. But that part of your brain that stops you before you lose it, is what I'm talking about. Taking a breath/ moment is very possible. Along with self regulating their emotions, doing things when they can, to stop them crossing the line from constructive role model to aggressive, defeatist when the little darlings become little horrors. But aggression and fear breeds adrenaline and heightened flight or flight responses. Definitely not healthy to have on a regular basis. I think Nora was highlighting a situation above and beyond a child simply being a bit difficult. Children with additional needs can present exceptionally challenging behaviours through no fault of their own. Society still expects children to be seen and not heard, so if you are the parent of a child having an autism related meltdown in the middle of Tesco, you have the stares and the tuts and the whispering of "society" all around you and very little you can do. Telling your child to stop being silly or pull themselves together or they won't get dessert later isn't going to cut it. Nor is attempting breathing exercises whilst you attempt to stop your child being run over by a trolley or running out of the door of the shop. And no, it's not always possible to leave your child at home or get the shopping delivered. " Yes. Pretty much this. But i did go off on a tangent which I often do with things like this and it wasn’t to do with the original op. So I apologise for that. I just can’t stand ignorance but I don’t expect people to get it because to be honest 12 years ago I was that ignorant person x | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this. Sisterhood eh... F**k the sisterhood where a child is involved. I would rather think of the child than stick up for a woman who mistreats her child. Yes, some people may have problems in their life but we can't make excuses for everything anyone does No we can't but this is a minute in this woman's life and nobody thought to step in or offer help. " Help how? Help in educating the woman to stop screaming abuse at her child? I doubt that would go down well if they are abusive people. Your other scenario is nothing like this one, but if that was me I would have asked you did you want me to go get the child for you, but I have tried to distract a screaming child on a train once and got told to bog off and mind my own business so sometimes the help isn't welcome | |||
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"Well you don’t want to be with me in a supermarket then. I’ve told my daughter I’ll boot her now if she doesn’t behave but people don’t know if she’s been giving me attitude all day and it’s a playful term used by two people who do kickboxing. She’s a brown belt and equally as capable of kicking me in the head if she wanted to. I’ll shout at my child and have shouted at my child in public many times and swore throughout her 11 years but the child would absolutely not use a swear word herself and she’s heard some colourful stuff. She’s polite she err’s on the side of being spoilt but with the same token she’s very grateful and appreciative, doesn’t demand things, I just buy her loads of shit. We cuddle, we watch films together but she’s disciplined and I don’t actually need to shout at her that much but if she was being difficult I would absolutely have no issue shouting in public and it’s worked over the years. God knows how many times I’ve been in a restaurant and seen other peoples children messing around running around the place where there’s waitresses carrying drinks or hot food and the parents just sitting there not saying a peep. If my child ever attempted it I’d instantly say Oi sit down and behave, and she would. People around may have gave a little look but then been grateful my kid wasn’t one of the children bumping into their table or getting in the way of the waitress bringing their food or shouting her head of being annoying. If you choose to take your child out in public it’s your responsibility not to disrupt other peoples experiences so if your kid is a shit, then shout at it. I wouldn’t judge another parent for shouting at their child in public. If I saw one smacking a kid hard I would and have intervened in the past. Why can’t you just talk to her in a quiet fashion? Obviously looks like your daughter is well behaved but by fear? Does she understood why you asked to behave ? I understand some kids are worst than others but you need to look at what make them behaving that way. As for shouting at a toddler it’s not acceptable at all. " Easier now she’s older but sometimes you have to shout. I think a child should be scared of their parents, not fearful scared for their lives type scared, maybe being aware of consequences is a better way to describe it. | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. No one is discounting the fact kids can push the breaking point several times in a day, that's what kids do, they are little demons at times. But that part of your brain that stops you before you lose it, is what I'm talking about. Taking a breath/ moment is very possible. Along with self regulating their emotions, doing things when they can, to stop them crossing the line from constructive role model to aggressive, defeatist when the little darlings become little horrors. But aggression and fear breeds adrenaline and heightened flight or flight responses. Definitely not healthy to have on a regular basis. I can’t even get into this. You obviously don’t have a child with special needs. To be fair I went off track a bit with the thread which is my fault. I just didn’t agree with some of your comments and still don’t. But like I said you can’t understand if you don’t live with it. My comments were nothing to do with the abuse by the way. I don’t condone that in any circumstance. " No I don't so I cannot begin to imagine the difficulty in that situation. I think parenting is akin to superheroing with the challenges so I don't take it lightly. I still struggle to understand how shouting at children with additional needs is constructive. When I see struggling mums with loud kids, I just ask if they are OK and need any help. Screeching mums, different situation. I sdmit I get triggered as I experienced a parent that behaved similar and I eouldnt wish that on anyone. | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. No one is discounting the fact kids can push the breaking point several times in a day, that's what kids do, they are little demons at times. But that part of your brain that stops you before you lose it, is what I'm talking about. Taking a breath/ moment is very possible. Along with self regulating their emotions, doing things when they can, to stop them crossing the line from constructive role model to aggressive, defeatist when the little darlings become little horrors. But aggression and fear breeds adrenaline and heightened flight or flight responses. Definitely not healthy to have on a regular basis. I can’t even get into this. You obviously don’t have a child with special needs. To be fair I went off track a bit with the thread which is my fault. I just didn’t agree with some of your comments and still don’t. But like I said you can’t understand if you don’t live with it. My comments were nothing to do with the abuse by the way. I don’t condone that in any circumstance. No I don't so I cannot begin to imagine the difficulty in that situation. I think parenting is akin to superheroing with the challenges so I don't take it lightly. I still struggle to understand how shouting at children with additional needs is constructive. When I see struggling mums with loud kids, I just ask if they are OK and need any help. Screeching mums, different situation. I ***admit I get triggered as I experienced a parent that behaved similar and I eouldnt wish that on anyone. " | |||
"It would gut me to hear this too. Poor mite. I appreciate the snapshot point and the fact she was a mum with 2 small children but that just doesn't cut it for me. If it's out of order behaviour, it's simply out of order. It's not an equal dynamic, its a care giver and an innocent child who is developing and exploring boundaries. If a parent isn't coping; OK, stop, breathe, walk away, look to find ways to release frustration, cry/shout/vent outside the car, in another room, what ever they can find. It is not acceptable to treat anyone that way or take problems out on children. They are the adult in the situation after all. How would the parent feel if a stranger walked up and said the same to them? Violated? Offended? It really winds me up hearing parents screeching at kids and expecting them to behave any different. Ok firstly I totally agree with you do not swear at your children and treat them like that. As for your stop, breathe, walk away rubbish. Have you got a child with special needs? If so I’ll accept your opinion/view on that and I’m happy to talk about further. If not then believe me, you have no idea. Could take a second to breathe, stop and re-phrase/ tone. The other suggestions can be done regularly to prevent build up to losing tempers. How does a parent expect a child learn how to deal with stressful situations, and mounting frustration without resorting to verbal abuse if they role model exactly that? I wasn’t referring to the verbal abuse. That’s unacceptable I agree. I myself have been in tears in Tesco’s at times on the rare occasion I’ve had to take my child, I have literally been at the stage of I cannot do this anymore at times but have never resorted to abuse in any form. The stop, breathe, walk away, vent in the car bit was what I was referring to. Not possible I’m afraid. No one is discounting the fact kids can push the breaking point several times in a day, that's what kids do, they are little demons at times. But that part of your brain that stops you before you lose it, is what I'm talking about. Taking a breath/ moment is very possible. Along with self regulating their emotions, doing things when they can, to stop them crossing the line from constructive role model to aggressive, defeatist when the little darlings become little horrors. But aggression and fear breeds adrenaline and heightened flight or flight responses. Definitely not healthy to have on a regular basis. I can’t even get into this. You obviously don’t have a child with special needs. To be fair I went off track a bit with the thread which is my fault. I just didn’t agree with some of your comments and still don’t. But like I said you can’t understand if you don’t live with it. My comments were nothing to do with the abuse by the way. I don’t condone that in any circumstance. No I don't so I cannot begin to imagine the difficulty in that situation. I think parenting is akin to superheroing with the challenges so I don't take it lightly. I still struggle to understand how shouting at children with additional needs is constructive. When I see struggling mums with loud kids, I just ask if they are OK and need any help. Screeching mums, different situation. I sdmit I get triggered as I experienced a parent that behaved similar and I eouldnt wish that on anyone. " Shouting at a child with additional needs isn’t constructive at all. I didn’t say that. It was more your comment about taking a breath, walking away, vent somewhere else etc. It’s not possible to do that and there are times when they are in the full red mist proper fit that if I walked away they could be a danger to themselves. Luckily I have family support and her father etc that I rarely have to do that but not everyone does x | |||
"I remember having a very new baby and a toddler...I was exhausted, post natal and on the edge. I can understand this. Sisterhood eh... F**k the sisterhood where a child is involved. I would rather think of the child than stick up for a woman who mistreats her child. Yes, some people may have problems in their life but we can't make excuses for everything anyone does No we can't but this is a minute in this woman's life and nobody thought to step in or offer help. Help how? Help in educating the woman to stop screaming abuse at her child? I doubt that would go down well if they are abusive people. Your other scenario is nothing like this one, but if that was me I would have asked you did you want me to go get the child for you, but I have tried to distract a screaming child on a train once and got told to bog off and mind my own business so sometimes the help isn't welcome " I don't know what the answer is. | |||
