FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Women over 40
Women over 40
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Do you find dating and online "connections" a little bit of a shit show?
Sure, life is what you make it etc etc and so many more factors come into consideration than just you age, but I find it a massive ball ache.
On conventional dating apps it seems that 40+ women are often overlooked by men their own age as they're either having a post-divorce midlife crisis and wanting a 25 year old. Or they're in last chance saloon territory and looking for a woman ready to settle down and have kids - which rules most of us out.
So that leaves the much older creepy guys or the younger ones who fetishise us as MILFs.
Whilst it's true that on Fab the maths favours us, when you break it down to those who actually match what we want, the choice is actually very poor. Someone once likened Fab to being at a £5 a head all you can eat buffet. I can see why 
Obviously the more picky you are or more niche your interests, the harder it becomes, let alone throwing in other factors such as living in Norfolk...
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By *anae21Woman
over a year ago
Nearer than you think |
"Do you find dating and online "connections" a little bit of a shit show?
Sure, life is what you make it etc etc and so many more factors come into consideration than just you age, but I find it a massive ball ache.
On conventional dating apps it seems that 40+ women are often overlooked by men their own age as they're either having a post-divorce midlife crisis and wanting a 25 year old. Or they're in last chance saloon territory and looking for a woman ready to settle down and have kids - which rules most of us out.
So that leaves the much older creepy guys or the younger ones who fetishise us as MILFs.
Whilst it's true that on Fab the maths favours us, when you break it down to those who actually match what we want, the choice is actually very poor. Someone once likened Fab to being at a £5 a head all you can eat buffet. I can see why
Obviously the more picky you are or more niche your interests, the harder it becomes, let alone throwing in other factors such as living in Norfolk...
"
Yes. Yes to all of that. Single for 12 years, tried all the mainstream sites, gave up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You’ve got all the lads in their early 20’s on here looking for 40 plus women, very few women in their early 20’s are looking for 40 year old men on here. |
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"You’ve got all the lads in their early 20’s on here looking for 40 plus women, very few women in their early 20’s are looking for 40 year old men on here. "
Yes, for a quick bunk up with Stiffler's Mom. |
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"“ the younger ones who fetishise us as MILFs.”
What age range do you define as “younger”? "
For me personally, early 30s and below. It's mainly the ones in their early to mid 20s who are the have a go heroes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You’ve got all the lads in their early 20’s on here looking for 40 plus women, very few women in their early 20’s are looking for 40 year old men on here.
Yes, for a quick bunk up with Stiffler's Mom."
She’s on my hotlist. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I found the opposite tbh. On dating sites there were loads my age but never got anywhere. I got contacted mainly by younger women in mid to late 30s. Even on affair sites the same. |
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By *ustBoWoman
over a year ago
Somewhere in Co. Down |
I've never been on a dating site so can't compare what they are like and what fab is like. But I've met some really sexy decent men on here usually within a few years of my own age so I can't really complain about fab either. I also have been known to make the first move on here if I like a profile and that sometimes has worked out pretty damn well for me  |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
I've had a really good experience through here and through dating apps. I tend to go to sites where I can be sure to meet other poly/ethically non monogamous people. I've met some gorgeous people both younger and older than me.
Don't have any solutions for you sorry
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As a 40 year old bloke with a 10 year old daughter, i dont really have time for relationships.
As for dating, i dont know if I could be arsed. I have tried various apps and got boared very quickly. Everyone seemed very materialistic. |
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"It’s good that you’ve pigeon holed men.
Only us older, creepy types.  "
It's not that all "much older" men are creepy, but the ones who contact me are.
Likewise the youngsters, they're not all horny boys with cougar issues but the vast majority who contact me are. I've met one lovely one, the rest behaved badly or just fade away. |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats. 
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?  "
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s good that you’ve pigeon holed men.
Mate, the challenge is to escape the pigeonhole. Part of that is behaving like you're not in it. "
I don’t have to do anything, I was never in it, I’m not in it now, I won’t be in it in the future. I plough my own furrow. But that doesn’t stop being stereotyped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Fab is much tougher than dating apps in my experience. Got loads of interest and met and chatted to good number but my times on Fab only ever chatted to maybe 2 and met one. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab is much tougher than dating apps in my experience. Got loads of interest and met and chatted to good number but my times on Fab only ever chatted to maybe 2 and met one."
That's cos dating apps are for dates. A date you can have a drink or dinner then flip them off if it's no fancy, whereas here it's more about closing the deal. |
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"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men. "
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing. |
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"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing."
Sorry to disappoint, it was just a bit of fun.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Fab is much tougher than dating apps in my experience. Got loads of interest and met and chatted to good number but my times on Fab only ever chatted to maybe 2 and met one.
That's cos dating apps are for dates. A date you can have a drink or dinner then flip them off if it's no fancy, whereas here it's more about closing the deal. "
Again not my experience, some were down to business pretty damn quick. I think all first date. Maybe I was lucky. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've found the dating sites to be full of 40 year old single mothers desperate for a man to 'provide' for them. It makes the men wary of all women, assuming they are all the same gold digging types.
Dating sites are the yin to Fab's yang. |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing."
No offense was intended.
It was just giggles.
Besides - were the good guys. |
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Never been on a dating site and I joined Fab when I was 44. Creeps come in all shapes, sizes and age and so do the good guys of Fab. I never had a tick list but I knew what I wanted and marketed myself in a way to attract it. It wasn't rocket science I had amazing meets predominantly with guys in their 40s. My profile was quite minimalist and not a photo in sight. If your profile reads like a book guys tend to think they’ve no chance so avoid you. Something I picked up in the forum very early on along with a great deal of other tips. When I first joined guys were being bashed on every other thread I don’t think it’s conducive. You just have to find what works for you, maybe that isn’t dating sites. Good luck op  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've chatted to some really nice over 40 women on dating sites...and only due to covid maybe 1 or 2 could have developed into something decent...love hides in the strangest places |
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"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
No offense was intended.
It was just giggles.
Besides - were the good guys. "
It just feels like every time women speak out about our experiences and realities, along cone the men being all offended and telling us to pipe down.
When we speak out about how much abuse we get from men on here we're told to he thankful we at least get so many messages. When we speak out about shitty male behaviour we're told #notallmen.
Can we not just talk about things that are a little shit for us without men making it all about them? Just for once? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've found the dating sites to be full of 40 year old single mothers desperate for a man to 'provide' for them. It makes the men wary of all women, assuming they are all the same gold digging types.
Dating sites are the yin to Fab's yang. "
Oh yes. Back in the dark days when I used to match.com, I got heartily sick of profiles with the tagline "I just haven't met you yet."
Michael Bublé is my #1 boner kill, with zumba a close second. |
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"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
No offense was intended.
It was just giggles.
Besides - were the good guys.
It just feels like every time women speak out about our experiences and realities, along cone the men being all offended and telling us to pipe down.
When we speak out about how much abuse we get from men on here we're told to he thankful we at least get so many messages. When we speak out about shitty male behaviour we're told #notallmen.
Can we not just talk about things that are a little shit for us without men making it all about them? Just for once?"
As I’ve said, I was joking, I didn’t mean to demean your experience. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups. |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
No offense was intended.
It was just giggles.
Besides - were the good guys.
It just feels like every time women speak out about our experiences and realities, along cone the men being all offended and telling us to pipe down.
When we speak out about how much abuse we get from men on here we're told to he thankful we at least get so many messages. When we speak out about shitty male behaviour we're told #notallmen.
Can we not just talk about things that are a little shit for us without men making it all about them? Just for once?"
I apologise.
And for the record - it's not just women that get told to pipe down - guys get this too.
.
I know there's a load of Neanderthals on here. Some of us try to make everyone's life a little more amusing. |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups."
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups."
Fair point about the tick lists. The best men I've met have been ones who ticked only a couple of my boxes.  |
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"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing."
Reading your initial post you describe older guys as creepy and younger ones as horny... just set your filters accordingly and then you won't disappoint us .. and we won't disappoint you.... this cuts both ways....guys have been shot down in flames repeatedly on threads for similar sweeping statements |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups."
But I don't want a short, toothless, cold-hearted, miserable, insular oaf  |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups."
I'm aware of all that and articulated it myself already.
Everyone is entitled to seek what they wish and nobody should feel that they ought to just accept the scraps. Of course people need to be realistic but I would rather go without than settle for someone who I'm not compatible with or doesn't float my boat.
Likewise on here. Women are told they should he grateful to receive so many messages but for me, most are from people who didn't read my profile so shouldn't have messaged me and can't really be classed as an option. |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
But I don't want a short, toothless, cold-hearted, miserable, insular oaf "
I'm not short |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Fair point about the tick lists. The best men I've met have been ones who ticked only a couple of my boxes. "
Best thing is to not have a tick list, and let them talk their way into my knickers |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"? "
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online. |
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"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
Reading your initial post you describe older guys as creepy and younger ones as horny... just set your filters accordingly and then you won't disappoint us .. and we won't disappoint you.... this cuts both ways....guys have been shot down in flames repeatedly on threads for similar sweeping statements"
For the third time, O was referring to the ones who message me. Jesus. What do you know of my filters on here? They're pretty high. Doesn't stop the married men, meet now types and serial cam wankers from messaging me. No filters for that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've tried dating apps twice in my life and definitely don't align with anyone (my ideas regarding life have always been ermmmm different)! Was a very disheartening 14 weeks! But luckily happy doing all my stuff on my own and think I'd rather meet people more naturally.
Here? Fulfills those moments and I've met some awesome guys, though lack of big head engagement does bore me somewhat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Fair point about the tick lists. The best men I've met have been ones who ticked only a couple of my boxes.
Best thing is to not have a tick list, and let them talk their way into my knickers "
Good plan. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
Reading your initial post you describe older guys as creepy and younger ones as horny... just set your filters accordingly and then you won't disappoint us .. and we won't disappoint you.... this cuts both ways....guys have been shot down in flames repeatedly on threads for similar sweeping statements
For the third time, O was referring to the ones who message me. Jesus. What do you know of my filters on here? They're pretty high. Doesn't stop the married men, meet now types and serial cam wankers from messaging me. No filters for that."
Sorry but you have to take the bad and the good and just accept it...its not gonna change |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
Reading your initial post you describe older guys as creepy and younger ones as horny... just set your filters accordingly and then you won't disappoint us .. and we won't disappoint you.... this cuts both ways....guys have been shot down in flames repeatedly on threads for similar sweeping statements
For the third time, O was referring to the ones who message me. Jesus. What do you know of my filters on here? They're pretty high. Doesn't stop the married men, meet now types and serial cam wankers from messaging me. No filters for that."
Or put all filters up and you look for who and what you want? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
Reading your initial post you describe older guys as creepy and younger ones as horny... just set your filters accordingly and then you won't disappoint us .. and we won't disappoint you.... this cuts both ways....guys have been shot down in flames repeatedly on threads for similar sweeping statements
For the third time, O was referring to the ones who message me. Jesus. What do you know of my filters on here? They're pretty high. Doesn't stop the married men, meet now types and serial cam wankers from messaging me. No filters for that."
I read your profile, I didn’t message you, and when I read your responses to those defending or even apologising for their reaction to your generalisation, I’m rather pleased I didn’t. |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online."
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
"
But sometimes everyone has to change what they are looking for...you have to be realistic.you state they have to be attractive to you? So should that person decide if he is attractive to you before sending a message? |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
I'm aware of all that and articulated it myself already.
Everyone is entitled to seek what they wish and nobody should feel that they ought to just accept the scraps. Of course people need to be realistic but I would rather go without than settle for someone who I'm not compatible with or doesn't float my boat.
Likewise on here. Women are told they should he grateful to receive so many messages but for me, most are from people who didn't read my profile so shouldn't have messaged me and can't really be classed as an option."
Accept the scraps? That's quite he expression. I wonder if a guy was saying this how much heat would they get?
You have your standards i'm sure. If you're not having the results you want perhaps the issue lies with your approach and not the market or pool of available people? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
"
I didn't take it that way at all. He's just saying if someone has an extensive tick list, the likelihood of finding someone that ticks all the boxes reduces massively. He wasn't saying a woman should meet anyone who asks.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"“Much older creepy guys,” gee thanks!
Blimey. I'll get our coats.
Pint down the dog and duck?
I'll get the first round. can I creep onto your table?
The more creeps the better.
We can start a creepy members club for old men.
Any need for all this? Can a woman not speak of her own personal experiences without men acting like this?
It was quite clear I was referring to the creepy types who message me, not that I was describing all older men as creepy. Likewise for the horny youths.
Very disappointing.
No offense was intended.
It was just giggles.
Besides - were the good guys.
It just feels like every time women speak out about our experiences and realities, along cone the men being all offended and telling us to pipe down.
When we speak out about how much abuse we get from men on here we're told to he thankful we at least get so many messages. When we speak out about shitty male behaviour we're told #notallmen.
Can we not just talk about things that are a little shit for us without men making it all about them? Just for once?"
Not once in your OP did you mention that it was your experience and you've used some pretty sweeping statements. It's easy to see why people are on your back about it. Maybe you could have framed it differently but you've come across like blokes whinging on here do I'm afraid. |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
"
I've not insinuated anything. I'm stating what i've observed and is fact. Many women have a large checklist. Men are far less hung up on prerequisites. If a woman has a large checklist that obviously narrows her potential options. Simple logic.
Yours isn't at all exhaustive |
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Most of my mates have been on various dating sites throughout the years. They go on, be themselves with a positive attitude and have met some lovely people. I think if you're all doom and gloom and think men have an agenda you'll get exactly that. You really get out what you put in
R |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
I'm aware of all that and articulated it myself already.
Everyone is entitled to seek what they wish and nobody should feel that they ought to just accept the scraps. Of course people need to be realistic but I would rather go without than settle for someone who I'm not compatible with or doesn't float my boat.
Likewise on here. Women are told they should he grateful to receive so many messages but for me, most are from people who didn't read my profile so shouldn't have messaged me and can't really be classed as an option."
Scraps? ...these scraps of which you speak are human beings  |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
I've not insinuated anything. I'm stating what i've observed and is fact. Many women have a large checklist. Men are far less hung up on prerequisites. If a woman has a large checklist that obviously narrows her potential options. Simple logic.
Yours isn't at all exhaustive "
Thanks Chillout.
I may have overreacted
I'm quite easy to please, really, hence the short checklist  |
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To be honest, I've never had that experience, and I've made many very nice connections both here and on dating sites in the past. One thing I've had said to me numerous times is that my laid back attitude makes a refreshing change...I view all online sites purely as a conduit for meeting people, no expectations of anything, just chat to those I like the look of and see what happens, just like I would in the physical world. |
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"Why dont you block men from messaging you and do the searching yourself. "
Whilst I haven't blocked men, I have done my own search and within my local area, very little appeals. Or I hotlist a one who seems OK, only for him to put up a "need by balls draining" status, so he's swiftly removed.
Outside of Fab, I lasted a week on Tinder. Of the guys I matched with, most ignored my message or made really stupid comments and put me off. Or they were younger guys lying about their ages to beat the filters |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
I didn't take it that way at all. He's just saying if someone has an extensive tick list, the likelihood of finding someone that ticks all the boxes reduces massively. He wasn't saying a woman should meet anyone who asks.
"
I know,I get that know.
See my apology, above  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
I didn't take it that way at all. He's just saying if someone has an extensive tick list, the likelihood of finding someone that ticks all the boxes reduces massively. He wasn't saying a woman should meet anyone who asks.
I know,I get that know.
See my apology, above "
Sorry if I sounded grumpy, I'm not. X |
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By *hilloutMan
over a year ago
All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest |
"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
I didn't take it that way at all. He's just saying if someone has an extensive tick list, the likelihood of finding someone that ticks all the boxes reduces massively. He wasn't saying a woman should meet anyone who asks.
I know,I get that know.
See my apology, above "
I saw after. Slow typer here |
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"To be honest, I've never had that experience, and I've made many very nice connections both here and on dating sites in the past. One thing I've had said to me numerous times is that my laid back attitude makes a refreshing change...I view all online sites purely as a conduit for meeting people, no expectations of anything, just chat to those I like the look of and see what happens, just like I would in the physical world. "
This. That’s what i do here. Never been on dating apps though. |
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"
But sometimes everyone has to change what they are looking for...you have to be realistic.you state they have to be attractive to you? So should that person decide if he is attractive to you before sending a message?"
Sometimes, yes. If they have a list a mile long.
And the attractive requirement? I don't actually state that on my profile. As I don't have a "type", I make the decision when I see a face pic. As I assume most people do. I'm not about to shag someone I don't fancy |
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" I read your profile, I didn’t message you, and when I read your responses to those defending or even apologising for their reaction to your generalisation, I’m rather pleased I didn’t. "
What do you know about private conversations I have had with people on this thread? You don't. Pretty sure I'm not going to lose any sleep over you not messaging me. |
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"In conventional dating apps such as tinder the top 10-15% of men will appeal to 90% of the women. These men will have lots of options across all age ranges. If they're in their 40's, in this category and have been married with kids they'll likely only want "fun" and even if they're looking for something more, younger women will often take priority.
If they haven't been married and want kids they'd likely not contemplate anyone over 30-35.
I've been on dating apps and women often have a large list of requirements that drastically lower their odds. Needs to be tall, needs to be handsome, romantic, funny, wordly, cultured etc. They end up overlooking many others that might be a good catch but don't tick all the boxes; and this is for women of all age groups.
Are you saying once we get to a certain age, we should "settle"?
I'm not saying anything. I'm just stating what i've observed and has been debated extensively online.
You are, though. You're insinuating that if women drop some of their requirements (none of those you list are particularly unrealistic) they would have more success on dating sites, with guys who don't tick all the boxes.
While I'll happily overlook someone not meeting the "tall" criterion, I'm not going to settle for someone who doesn't have the other characteristics I require - which are pretty much the same as on here:
Aged 40-55
Non smoker
Sense of humour
Attractive (to me)
Tall (I regularly ignore this)
Oh, and single.
So no, I'll not be settling for an unattractive 65 yr old smoker who's miserable as fuck!
I didn't take it that way at all. He's just saying if someone has an extensive tick list, the likelihood of finding someone that ticks all the boxes reduces massively. He wasn't saying a woman should meet anyone who asks.
I know,I get that know.
See my apology, above
I saw after. Slow typer here "
xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
But sometimes everyone has to change what they are looking for...you have to be realistic.you state they have to be attractive to you? So should that person decide if he is attractive to you before sending a message?
Sometimes, yes. If they have a list a mile long.
And the attractive requirement? I don't actually state that on my profile. As I don't have a "type", I make the decision when I see a face pic. As I assume most people do. I'm not about to shag someone I don't fancy "
Sorry I was responding to your post and not your profile x |
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"
But sometimes everyone has to change what they are looking for...you have to be realistic.you state they have to be attractive to you? So should that person decide if he is attractive to you before sending a message?
Sometimes, yes. If they have a list a mile long.
And the attractive requirement? I don't actually state that on my profile. As I don't have a "type", I make the decision when I see a face pic. As I assume most people do. I'm not about to shag someone I don't fancy
Sorry I was responding to your post and not your profile x"
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
The world is a shit show.
Men and women should stop making sweeping generalisations about each other, as they're always going to upset someone.
Yes. Online dating is hard. Online connections are hard to find. But that's down to a multitude of factors. And quite frankly it's no different in the real world.
Nothing to do with "creepy old men" or "over demanding women".
No one's preferences will all always be met on paper (screen), and yet that's all we have to go on when we do things online. Meet someone in a pub or somewhere and you'd see them differently. You might even see them as attractive whereas in online photos you don't.
But let's stop slagging each other off and arguing about it. Not least because moaning doesn't show anyone in a very good light.
And OP..... you think Norfolk is hard to find a connection in.... try being in the arse end of the buttcrack of the world over this side. Everyone's either coupled up already or they don't fancy fat birds |
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By *aekaeWoman
over a year ago
Between a cock and a soft place |
I once saw a lady complain that she only ever met up with bad boys, who treated her poorly.
"Where are all the good guys" she asked.
Some wit replied with "they're in the friendzone where you left them, while you went off and f*cked dick heads"
I'm very picky, VERY picky. I'm not unrealistic about who I'll attract and who'll be attracted to me.
I don't ask for much, I don't look for much, beyond someone who makes me comfortable, respects me and makes me laugh.
I'll "settle" for nothing less.
Good news, they're out there, they just take a bit of finding sometimes. |
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this made me giggle
i need to wash it anyway. 