FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > If told you're not someone's type, would you ask why?
If told you're not someone's type, would you ask why?
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I generally just delete messages from people who I'm not interested in/blatantly didn't read my profile etc as it saves the potential follow up whining or abuse.
But occasionally I engage in a little dialogue, such as today. To cut a long story short, I politely told someone I wasn't interested in him as he wasn't my type.
I thought that would be the end of it but no, then came the follow up "Why?", as well as him listing attributes mentioned in my profile that he claimed to possess.
Jesus wept, do people not get that this isn't merely a box ticking exercise? Just because you consider yourself a match, that doesn't mean that you are.
I rarely approach people but if I did and they said no ta, there's not a cat's chance in hell that I'd ask why I wasn't their type and want to hear the specifics of why I was undesirable to them. Not that I have a big ego or anything 
So would you ask why and do you feel that you're being fobbed off if, in your mind, it's a match "on paper"? |
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I usually talk to most that message me even if not attracted but I do my best to not make them feel that attraction is there for me if it isn't.
No I wouldn’t be interested in finding out why someone isn't attracted to me because it doesn't really matter and life goes on. |
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I wouldn't ask anyone why and literally hate when I am questioned why and then he asks what is my type  it's not gonna make a difference is my reply.
I have a generic type but not strictly stuck to it because there are rare times a certain look can catch me off guard and has done xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No! I understand how attraction works... I don't assume that, if someone doesn't find me attractive, it means I am ugly nor does it mean they think that, either, so wouldn't feel the need to ask. Plus, even if it is something I could change, I am not willing to so it matters not  |
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By *ickerMan
over a year ago
Preston |
Its not the worst question in the world. It might be a self improvement thing for him. The Internet is the most shallow place there is.
You have a picture that people can pick apart and is the only thing you can impress with. If the picture isn't what they want then you don't even get a response a lot of the time.
Answering the original question I wouldn't bother, nothing will change |
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I swear some people think this is painting my numbers or something. Attraction isn't as formulaic as that. Yes you may be "athletic" (in your opinion) as mentioned on my profile but that doesn't mean I'm feeling the rest of your profile.
If I listed every single thing I liked (or.more accurately, everything I hated) it would be an even more nitpicky and tedious profile than it already is #diva |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've tried a polite rescue in my inexperienced early months on fab. Now, ducks back and move on. You can't negotiate attraction. Time spent in vain trying to convince otherwise, is time lost in finding gold. |
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"I've tried a polite rescue in my inexperienced early months on fab. Now, ducks back and move on. You can't negotiate attraction. Time spent in vain trying to convince otherwise, is time lost in finding gold."
Absolutely! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've tried a polite rescue in my inexperienced early months on fab. Now, ducks back and move on. You can't negotiate attraction. Time spent in vain trying to convince otherwise, is time lost in finding gold.
Absolutely!"
I second that!
I certainly would never ask, I’m secure in myself to know that I am not to everyone’s taste and that’s perfectly fine.
I would never respond to the request for feedback either, it never ends well. |
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"I've tried a polite rescue in my inexperienced early months on fab. Now, ducks back and move on. You can't negotiate attraction. Time spent in vain trying to convince otherwise, is time lost in finding gold.
Absolutely!
I second that!
I certainly would never ask, I’m secure in myself to know that I am not to everyone’s taste and that’s perfectly fine.
I would never respond to the request for feedback either, it never ends well."
Imagine asking for feedback and getting a PowerPoint presentation detailing all your negative points in return |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've tried a polite rescue in my inexperienced early months on fab. Now, ducks back and move on. You can't negotiate attraction. Time spent in vain trying to convince otherwise, is time lost in finding gold.
Absolutely!
I second that!
I certainly would never ask, I’m secure in myself to know that I am not to everyone’s taste and that’s perfectly fine.
I would never respond to the request for feedback either, it never ends well.
Imagine asking for feedback and getting a PowerPoint presentation detailing all your negative points in return "
Would the PowerPoint presentation be conducted by yourself in nsfw attire? I'd sit quietly and listen.  |
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"I wouldn't ask anyone why and literally hate when I am questioned why and then he asks what is my type it's not gonna make a difference is my reply.
I have a generic type but not strictly stuck to it because there are rare times a certain look can catch me off guard and has done xxx"
This exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've tried a polite rescue in my inexperienced early months on fab. Now, ducks back and move on. You can't negotiate attraction. Time spent in vain trying to convince otherwise, is time lost in finding gold.
Absolutely!
I second that!
I certainly would never ask, I’m secure in myself to know that I am not to everyone’s taste and that’s perfectly fine.
I would never respond to the request for feedback either, it never ends well."
Stop agreeing with me, I find it highly unattractive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don’t message women cold, so it wouldn’t happen. But why would you put yourself through finding out why someone didn’t fancy you, I wouldn’t want to know, when there’s nothing you can do about it, what’s the point other than prolonging being disappointed. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
"I generally just delete messages from people who I'm not interested in/blatantly didn't read my profile etc as it saves the potential follow up whining or abuse.
But occasionally I engage in a little dialogue, such as today. To cut a long story short, I politely told someone I wasn't interested in him as he wasn't my type.
I thought that would be the end of it but no, then came the follow up "Why?", as well as him listing attributes mentioned in my profile that he claimed to possess.
Jesus wept, do people not get that this isn't merely a box ticking exercise? Just because you consider yourself a match, that doesn't mean that you are.
I rarely approach people but if I did and they said no ta, there's not a cat's chance in hell that I'd ask why I wasn't their type and want to hear the specifics of why I was undesirable to them. Not that I have a big ego or anything
So would you ask why and do you feel that you're being fobbed off if, in your mind, it's a match "on paper"?"
No, just a thanks but no thanks would do me. It’s not as if I’d suddenly change myself if they gave me a long team of reasons I’m not their type so…..meh.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
Would the PowerPoint presentation be conducted by yourself in nsfw attire? I'd sit quietly and listen.
That would be highly unprofessional, so no "
Would it. So, you're a professional in avoiding being unprofessional. Mmmm classy. |
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"Its not the worst question in the world. It might be a self improvement thing for him. The Internet is the most shallow place there is.
You have a picture that people can pick apart and is the only thing you can impress with. If the picture isn't what they want then you don't even get a response a lot of the time.
Answering the original question I wouldn't bother, nothing will change "
I would argue that it is in fact one of the worst questions. Attraction is subjective and photos alone are not enough to make such decisions - rejecting someone is unpleasant enough, being questioned over it just makes it all the more so! What happened to discretion? By which I mean not asking unnecessary questions and keeping one's dignity intact using good manners. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Recently came across a lady who had accidentally had an image of her daughter who is a minor on the iPad screen in one of the pictures on her profile and warned it could get removed by fab and that not everyone is nice on fab and has good intentions. I didn’t expect to strike up a conversation. Got no response, ignorant has hell. And when a guy messages a lady on here and references comments made in the profile and receives no response. The guy is going to think, what an ignorant so and so. If a guy responded to a lady why he wasn’t her type, he’d be the seen as the one having a problem and be blocked by the lady. One piece of advice I was given by a female from fab was don’t take fab seriously. I didn’t get what that meant, then I started messaging women on here and then the penny dropped. |
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"I literally delete my message as soon as i send it.. i would be far too shy to question it 
A not my type is exactly that... time to rin and hide
 "
Sometimes it isn't even that you're not their type (although that is OK). Sometimes I get a wink or a message and I check out the profile and they are so my type until I see just one thing that's a total turn off - such as a million wanking videos or a verification from a particularly "unsavoury" character. That's frustrating as hell. |
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"I generally just delete messages from people who I'm not interested in/blatantly didn't read my profile etc as it saves the potential follow up whining or abuse.
But occasionally I engage in a little dialogue, such as today. To cut a long story short, I politely told someone I wasn't interested in him as he wasn't my type.
I thought that would be the end of it but no, then came the follow up "Why?", as well as him listing attributes mentioned in my profile that he claimed to possess.
Jesus wept, do people not get that this isn't merely a box ticking exercise? Just because you consider yourself a match, that doesn't mean that you are.
I rarely approach people but if I did and they said no ta, there's not a cat's chance in hell that I'd ask why I wasn't their type and want to hear the specifics of why I was undesirable to them. Not that I have a big ego or anything
So would you ask why and do you feel that you're being fobbed off if, in your mind, it's a match "on paper"?"
I get a few polite “no thank you” messages and not once have I ever questioned why.
Obviously I’m not their type. One of the side effects of being an ugly fucker. So I always politely reply thanking them for taking the time to reply and wish them luck on fab. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Recently came across a lady who had accidentally had an image of her daughter who is a minor on the iPad screen in one of the pictures on her profile and warned it could get removed by fab and that not everyone is nice on fab and has good intentions. I didn’t expect to strike up a conversation. Got no response, ignorant has hell. And when a guy messages a lady on here and references comments made in the profile and receives no response. The guy is going to think, what an ignorant so and so. If a guy responded to a lady why he wasn’t her type, he’d be the seen as the one having a problem and be blocked by the lady. One piece of advice I was given by a female from fab was don’t take fab seriously. I didn’t get what that meant, then I started messaging women on here and then the penny dropped. "
How did the said photo get approved to be visable. A slip up by fabs' moderators? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I generally just delete messages from people who I'm not interested in/blatantly didn't read my profile etc as it saves the potential follow up whining or abuse.
But occasionally I engage in a little dialogue, such as today. To cut a long story short, I politely told someone I wasn't interested in him as he wasn't my type.
I thought that would be the end of it but no, then came the follow up "Why?", as well as him listing attributes mentioned in my profile that he claimed to possess.
Jesus wept, do people not get that this isn't merely a box ticking exercise? Just because you consider yourself a match, that doesn't mean that you are.
I rarely approach people but if I did and they said no ta, there's not a cat's chance in hell that I'd ask why I wasn't their type and want to hear the specifics of why I was undesirable to them. Not that I have a big ego or anything
So would you ask why and do you feel that you're being fobbed off if, in your mind, it's a match "on paper"?"
I don’t ask , I think it is an answer in itself and there’s no point in asking why.. I also hate to be asked why someone’s not my type.
Totally delusional when some guys think they fit the bill lol |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I generally just delete messages from people who I'm not interested in/blatantly didn't read my profile etc as it saves the potential follow up whining or abuse.
But occasionally I engage in a little dialogue, such as today. To cut a long story short, I politely told someone I wasn't interested in him as he wasn't my type.
I thought that would be the end of it but no, then came the follow up "Why?", as well as him listing attributes mentioned in my profile that he claimed to possess.
Jesus wept, do people not get that this isn't merely a box ticking exercise? Just because you consider yourself a match, that doesn't mean that you are.
I rarely approach people but if I did and they said no ta, there's not a cat's chance in hell that I'd ask why I wasn't their type and want to hear the specifics of why I was undesirable to them. Not that I have a big ego or anything
So would you ask why and do you feel that you're being fobbed off if, in your mind, it's a match "on paper"?"
I get this a lot, too. I read up about it, you might be interested to look at Anxious-preoccupied attachment theory. Every days a school day
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No, I'd either leave it there or simply thank them for letting me know and wish them luck in finding what they are looking for.
If I'm not their type, it's not like I can change who I am overnight to accommodate their preferences. |
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God no. If someone has taste so deplorable they don't find me the answer to their every dream then I wouldn't want to explore their opinion any further!
I don't blame a clown for acting like a clown, but I also don't keep going to the circus  |
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Only see to type for those confused blokes that don't know what straight means. So after many years of polite your barking up the wrong tree.been here for 10 years now. But get bored n leave lol I 1st had to put up filter. Then removed all public pics this causes problems with being a a ghost profile with no images (besides don't want to show up on some Web search somewhere) but it's better than giving ppl the wrong idea |
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Not at all, it makes no difference to me why!! I did recently have a no thanks reply from a lady, which was swiftly followed by two further messages explaining her reasons, bless, I think she felt bad so volunteered the reason! I’d have been happy with just no thanks haha |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I generally just delete messages from people who I'm not interested in/blatantly didn't read my profile etc as it saves the potential follow up whining or abuse.
But occasionally I engage in a little dialogue, such as today. To cut a long story short, I politely told someone I wasn't interested in him as he wasn't my type.
I thought that would be the end of it but no, then came the follow up "Why?", as well as him listing attributes mentioned in my profile that he claimed to possess.
Jesus wept, do people not get that this isn't merely a box ticking exercise? Just because you consider yourself a match, that doesn't mean that you are.
I rarely approach people but if I did and they said no ta, there's not a cat's chance in hell that I'd ask why I wasn't their type and want to hear the specifics of why I was undesirable to them. Not that I have a big ego or anything
So would you ask why and do you feel that you're being fobbed off if, in your mind, it's a match "on paper"?"
Don't dare tell them its because of their age lol apparently if you have an age range you're just fussy pml for some reasons guys in their 40s and 50s can't understand why a girl in her 20s wouldn't be interested for that specific reason and because they might tick other boxes age shouldn't matter. |
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" Don't dare tell them its because of their age lol apparently if you have an age range you're just fussy pml for some reasons guys in their 40s and 50s can't understand why a girl in her 20s wouldn't be interested for that specific reason and because they might tick other boxes age shouldn't matter."
Oh yes, that will earn you the classic "age is just a number!" response.
Last week, a guy 12 years older than my upper age limit sent me a shit proposition. I gave him both barrels, although admittedly I was particularly exasperated after a string of idiots messaging me. He actually had the gall tO reply back with abuse and telL me that I should have put my my age limit on my profile - I DID! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
" Don't dare tell them its because of their age lol apparently if you have an age range you're just fussy pml for some reasons guys in their 40s and 50s can't understand why a girl in her 20s wouldn't be interested for that specific reason and because they might tick other boxes age shouldn't matter.
Oh yes, that will earn you the classic "age is just a number!" response.
Last week, a guy 12 years older than my upper age limit sent me a shit proposition. I gave him both barrels, although admittedly I was particularly exasperated after a string of idiots messaging me. He actually had the gall tO reply back with abuse and telL me that I should have put my my age limit on my profile - I DID!"
Those ones never actually read a profile which says it all about them. I mean letting People know what you want and don't want in a profile is supposed to be a way of avoiding waisting time with people that don't come close, you would think they wouldn't want their time wasted either but they have this sense of entitlement that's hilarious lol. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Unless I’m feeling mutual attraction in messages I generally wouldn’t make a move. On rare occasions I do, if they say no or respond without encouraging it, that’s that , I don’t need feedback or reasons why someone isn’t interested and they don’t even need to say no to make it clear |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There have been times in real life where I have met women that are so incredibly attractive to me that I can barely speak more than gibberish.
One, I can think of (a friend of a friend) I’d assumed was totally out of my league. It was only when she and I shared a bottle of wine one night I told her how attractive I’d found her and that I’d assumed she was out of my league that she told me she wouldn’t have been (we both behaved impeccably though as we were both in relationships by then and still quite immature).
So cutting a long story short, yes, if I found someone exceptional nowadays I might initially pursue them (in a nice way) to see if there’s any way I could change their mind. Most of us are a lot better in real life than in photos, profiles and messages, after all.
But from what I read, as men we also need to know when to give up and move on - even if we are the polite, non-abusive ones. |
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No, I've been told it before and I could tell it was awkward for them so I tried to make it as easy as possible. Especially here.. I generally jump before being pushed. Nothing worse on this site than being a pest who doesn't take the hint!!! |
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"I’d politely nod, mumble something about “ best of luck then,” and shuffle off into a dark corner. "
It’s all you can do. It’s pointless getting bent out of shape over it. And of course one woman’s rejection is the next lucky lady’s opportunity  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No I wouldn't. But I think some guys get frustrated if they've received hundreds of rejections and some probably genuinely just want to know why, as maybe they think they can do something about it (like update their photos, adjust their bio etc).
It's not ultimately going to help, and it's annoying, but I understand why some do. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I generally just delete messages from people who I'm not interested in/blatantly didn't read my profile etc as it saves the potential follow up whining or abuse.
But occasionally I engage in a little dialogue, such as today. To cut a long story short, I politely told someone I wasn't interested in him as he wasn't my type.
I thought that would be the end of it but no, then came the follow up "Why?", as well as him listing attributes mentioned in my profile that he claimed to possess.
Jesus wept, do people not get that this isn't merely a box ticking exercise? Just because you consider yourself a match, that doesn't mean that you are.
I rarely approach people but if I did and they said no ta, there's not a cat's chance in hell that I'd ask why I wasn't their type and want to hear the specifics of why I was undesirable to them. Not that I have a big ego or anything
So would you ask why and do you feel that you're being fobbed off if, in your mind, it's a match "on paper"?"
Ohh goodness me no, you're not my type at all and im not interested one bit. I dont expect you to ask me why, so we both move on. Why drag it out. |
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I would not expect someone to ask why but if they do I usually tell them. It is mainly down to a poor profile, awful pics or very crude update or the fact I can not meet all who ask. Giving someone a bit of advice does no harm and they usually thank me for the feedback. |
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I had a guy message me and ask why he wasn't my type after telling him no thanks, he then went on to call me all sorts of names and hoped I caught a nasty disease off of an ugly fucker... when I tried to reply back the asshole had blocked me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I had a guy message me and ask why he wasn't my type after telling him no thanks, he then went on to call me all sorts of names and hoped I caught a nasty disease off of an ugly fucker... when I tried to reply back the asshole had blocked me "
A lot of silly boys on here with fragile egos |
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"I had a guy message me and ask why he wasn't my type after telling him no thanks, he then went on to call me all sorts of names and hoped I caught a nasty disease off of an ugly fucker... when I tried to reply back the asshole had blocked me
A lot of silly boys on here with fragile egos"
This is why I now tend to delete without replying back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If I'm told no thanks, I tend to go the other direction. I thank them and hope they have a great day.
Asking questions or trying to get someone to change their mind feels too close to begging for me. I'm not built that way.
There are some absolutely stunning women here but I am not about to beg for anyone. |
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