FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Be kind!
Be kind!
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
Well the 2 words alone are too vague.
Be kind. Yes be kind but not for the sake of being kind. Not at the expense of being honest and clear.
Being honest and truthful and often times blunt can be far more kind than sugar coating things to avoid hurting somebody. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I like the sentiment in general, but fear it is often used as a control method to keep people in their boxes and not question injustice or abuse of authority. |
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Kindness I think is something that can act like a chain reaction. And I think it's a wonderful thing
#bekind is another story, I think it's lost any impact it once had. And is used as if you're telling your child off for pushing or shoving their sibling and you know they're really not going to stop . |
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"Kind to yourself first.
Be careful who you are kind too. They will use you"
 is true
Overall OP its a good attitude as anyone who acts unkind for no reason shows more of a reflection of themselves than you.
We're only responsible for ourselves anyway xx |
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Be kind when what though OP?
When others are setting out to get at you, drag you down and belittle you for their own pleasure?
I'm noy going to be kind and give them the satisfaction of a reply.
Its contrived, it's forced and only those of a decent disposition will try to be kind anyway to those who don't deserve it, assholes will always be assholes. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Kindness I think is something that can act like a chain reaction. And I think it's a wonderful thing
#bekind is another story, I think it's lost any impact it once had. And is used as if you're telling your child off for pushing or shoving their sibling and you know they're really not going to stop ."
That’s an interesting way of looking at it |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you are being kind in a genuine way and not to gain something for yourself then yes it’s great x
What about as a blanket statement for how you should treat everyone? "
No, I put it in the same league as 'Cheer up'. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Be kind when what though OP?
When others are setting out to get at you, drag you down and belittle you for their own pleasure?
I'm noy going to be kind and give them the satisfaction of a reply.
Its contrived, it's forced and only those of a decent disposition will try to be kind anyway to those who don't deserve it, assholes will always be assholes."
I tend to agree |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
My personal take on it is that as an idea, it’s a positive one but it’s become a stick to beat others with.
I often see it used by people in reference to others but never themselves and it places the emphasis on others to deal with a persons issues, rather than the person dealing with their own emotions.
I think that it’s a nice sentiment but it lacks nuance and any understanding of how mental illness actually acts or manifests, so now it’s often used as a way of virtue signalling, rather than actively engaging.
That’s how I see it anyway |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What the fuck is wrong in the forums????
What do you mean by that?
It’s a relevant question for SM in this current time"
It was more a statement then question, I notice again recently a negative vibe creeping back into the forums |
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I find it patronising. I'm an adult, I know how to make judgements and behave in an appropriate manner (obviously appropriate is subjective to my perception of a situation, although there will be some deferment to accepted societal norms). Most situations call for civility and respect at the very least, and occasionally there are people that don't deserve kindness (in my opinion). |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"What the fuck is wrong in the forums????
What do you mean by that?
It’s a relevant question for SM in this current time
It was more a statement then question, I notice again recently a negative vibe creeping back into the forums "
Good. Negativity keeps it balanced, keeps things fresh. There should always be those that are positive, those that ar negative, and especially those that walk the line of balance to keep them in check.
While some people may like it too much, Drama and conflict are important parts of society and the way of the world. Things would go to shit (and not just negative, I mean pure unfiltered chaos) if things are forced to be too positive or too negative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"What the fuck is wrong in the forums????
What do you mean by that?
It’s a relevant question for SM in this current time
It was more a statement then question, I notice again recently a negative vibe creeping back into the forums
Good. Negativity keeps it balanced, keeps things fresh. There should always be those that are positive, those that ar negative, and especially those that walk the line of balance to keep them in check.
While some people may like it too much, Drama and conflict are important parts of society and the way of the world. Things would go to shit (and not just negative, I mean pure unfiltered chaos) if things are forced to be too positive or too negative."
I tend to agree.
Life is about balance, too much of one isn’t a good thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh,how things have changed 
How so? "
Not so long ago a lot of people would have agreed with this. Knowing that a lot of people were going through a bad time. It seems that now things are opening up,people are interacting differently. It's about sex,meeting,batching,back to normal. |
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"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt."
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
|
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"Oh,how things have changed
How so?
Not so long ago a lot of people would have agreed with this. Knowing that a lot of people were going through a bad time. It seems that now things are opening up,people are interacting differently. It's about sex,meeting,batching,back to normal."
I don’t think it is in the lounge really. It never has been just about sex in here x |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Oh,how things have changed
How so?
Not so long ago a lot of people would have agreed with this. Knowing that a lot of people were going through a bad time. It seems that now things are opening up,people are interacting differently. It's about sex,meeting,batching,back to normal."
I don’t think that people have forgotten at all, I think that the ethos is being used differently and it’s evolved in a different way |
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I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said |
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"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said "
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
"
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said
"
Seconded |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive. "
Does kindness only extend to the innocent. Surely that is an unkind sentiment and ethos. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well the 2 words alone are too vague.
Be kind. Yes be kind but not for the sake of being kind. Not at the expense of being honest and clear.
Being honest and truthful and often times blunt can be far more kind than sugar coating things to avoid hurting somebody. "
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"I prefer be respectful. Not everyone deserves kindness. Saying that not everyone deserves respect! Don’t know really. I’ll go with be polite  "
I agree, people say treat everyone with respect but I would counter that and say respect is built up. Instead try using common decency or being considerate instead. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said "
That’s a valid life choice.
You don’t need to apologise.
I’m unsure what your post was trying to say though, unless it was making a veiled stab at people, which in itself is quite a negative thing |
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"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said "
Well said, Grumpling! Xx |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Is this a good ethos or not?
"
Of course, for a start it’s good for you, you can only really do it when you’re in a good place yourself and it’s good for the people you’re being kind too. Why would you not want to be kind? I’d go further, be audaciously generous |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive.
Does kindness only extend to the innocent. Surely that is an unkind sentiment and ethos."
Not at all, I’m just saying that implying innocence on people based on your perspective is naive.
I tend to agree with most of what you’ve written and that thought is important but it works both ways and simply shouting ‘be kind’ is a gross oversimplification of a complex process
|
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"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said "
 this and its true xx |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Is this a good ethos or not?
Of course, for a start it’s good for you, you can only really do it when you’re in a good place yourself and it’s good for the people you’re being kind too. Why would you not want to be kind? I’d go further, be audaciously generous "
That’s the point though, if you’re not in a good place, then how does it work? People who are struggling don’t exhibit behaviours as others expect. What if both people are struggling?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't 
Should  "
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse. |
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"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive. "
But it's not about judging who is "innocent" or not on here. Do we have the right to sit in judgement?
Walk a mile in my shoes before jumping to conclusions is more instructive than be kind, in my eyes. Because, as human beings, kindness should be the default until you just can't be. And at that point we should all follow my Granny's maxim - If you can't say anything nice, don't say anything. |
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"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said
That’s a valid life choice.
You don’t need to apologise.
I’m unsure what your post was trying to say though, unless it was making a veiled stab at people, which in itself is quite a negative thing "
Nope no one in particular , just saying those kind of people aren't my go to |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse."
When who meet x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this a good ethos or not?
Of course, for a start it’s good for you, you can only really do it when you’re in a good place yourself and it’s good for the people you’re being kind too. Why would you not want to be kind? I’d go further, be audaciously generous
That’s the point though, if you’re not in a good place, then how does it work? People who are struggling don’t exhibit behaviours as others expect. What if both people are struggling?
"
 |
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I think it’s a bit tired and overused now. I’m not a fan of policing how others behave. If someone is rude/nasty then I’m not going to tell them how to behave. I’m not free therapist or their mother. I’m just going to have no interaction with them.
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said
That’s a valid life choice.
You don’t need to apologise.
I’m unsure what your post was trying to say though, unless it was making a veiled stab at people, which in itself is quite a negative thing
Nope no one in particular , just saying those kind of people aren't my go to "
I think his point is it appears as a stab at anyone that that is negative.
Firstly by the use of name calling "negative nellies" and second assuming they have a chip on their shoulder either because or the reason for being negative are technically both attacks upon their character which is not positive in itself. And goes against being kind.
So being kind in a way isnonlu a thing when it falls in to what we consider our own boundaries and goes against being kind and positive all the time. |
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Basic manners is being respectful to people.
Choose wisely who you are being kind too, do it if you mean it. I think to many use it to show to others that they are trying to be but reality so different. |
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"I think it’s a bit tired and overused now. I’m not a fan of policing how others behave. If someone is rude/nasty then I’m not going to tell them how to behave. I’m not free therapist or their mother. I’m just going to have no interaction with them.
"
Best way to be, Jamie. X |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Nope no one in particular , just saying those kind of people aren't my go to
I think his point is it appears as a stab at anyone that that is negative.
Firstly by the use of name calling "negative nellies" and second assuming they have a chip on their shoulder either because or the reason for being negative are technically both attacks upon their character which is not positive in itself. And goes against being kind.
So being kind in a way isnonlu a thing when it falls in to what we consider our own boundaries and goes against being kind and positive all the time. "
This is me deconstructing what has been said, not an attack on your choice. Just getting that out there. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"Is this a good ethos or not?
Of course, for a start it’s good for you, you can only really do it when you’re in a good place yourself and it’s good for the people you’re being kind too. Why would you not want to be kind? I’d go further, be audaciously generous
That’s the point though, if you’re not in a good place, then how does it work? People who are struggling don’t exhibit behaviours as others expect. What if both people are struggling?
"
So as a mentor I advise people to make sure they have friends they primarily take from and friends they primarily give to and over time friends change and the capacity of your giving should grow, that’s normal,
You are right not everyone can give or have strength to be kind and the worst thing for those people who can’t is a friendship group of similar needy social vampires , they will drain what little, energy they have they should choose wisely and have people giving to them
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive.
Does kindness only extend to the innocent. Surely that is an unkind sentiment and ethos.
Not at all, I’m just saying that implying innocence on people based on your perspective is naive.
I tend to agree with most of what you’ve written and that thought is important but it works both ways and simply shouting ‘be kind’ is a gross oversimplification of a complex process
"
That is the crux of kindness. When we must put aside our instant abhorrence and remember to be kind.
It doesn’t mean we need be kind once we feel justice needs to be dispensed when all have had time to consider their initial judgment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Basic manners is being respectful to people.
Choose wisely who you are being kind too, do it if you mean it. I think to many use it to show to others that they are trying to be but reality so different. "
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I like the sentiment in general, but fear it is often used as a control method to keep people in their boxes and not question injustice or abuse of authority.
How do you mean, sorry? "
In recent months I've seen #bekind thrown around in response to people who are trying to highlight various issues. Some people use it as a silencer, to imply that someone is making an unnecessary fuss and being deliberately unpleasant when actually they have valid points to make. In these cases discussion and debate gets shut down when someone rolls out #bekind. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x"
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other."
Then the kind one runs
Usually |
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"Basic manners is being respectful to people.
Choose wisely who you are being kind too, do it if you mean it. I think to many use it to show to others that they are trying to be but reality so different. "
Never a true word was spoken |
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"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said
That’s a valid life choice.
You don’t need to apologise.
I’m unsure what your post was trying to say though, unless it was making a veiled stab at people, which in itself is quite a negative thing
Nope no one in particular , just saying those kind of people aren't my go to
I think his point is it appears as a stab at anyone that that is negative.
Firstly by the use of name calling "negative nellies" and second assuming they have a chip on their shoulder either because or the reason for being negative are technically both attacks upon their character which is not positive in itself. And goes against being kind.
So being kind in a way isnonlu a thing when it falls in to what we consider our own boundaries and goes against being kind and positive all the time. "
I'm not attacking anyone ffs , I'm just giving you an insight into the kind of people I prefer to associate with , I'm allowed to prefer to associate with whomever I choose. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I like the sentiment in general, but fear it is often used as a control method to keep people in their boxes and not question injustice or abuse of authority.
How do you mean, sorry?
In recent months I've seen #bekind thrown around in response to people who are trying to highlight various issues. Some people use it as a silencer, to imply that someone is making an unnecessary fuss and being deliberately unpleasant when actually they have valid points to make. In these cases discussion and debate gets shut down when someone rolls out #bekind."
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive.
Does kindness only extend to the innocent. Surely that is an unkind sentiment and ethos.
Not at all, I’m just saying that implying innocence on people based on your perspective is naive.
I tend to agree with most of what you’ve written and that thought is important but it works both ways and simply shouting ‘be kind’ is a gross oversimplification of a complex process
That is the crux of kindness. When we must put aside our instant abhorrence and remember to be kind.
It doesn’t mean we need be kind once we feel justice needs to be dispensed when all have had time to consider their initial judgment."
But that justice is still based on personal bias and if you’re unfamiliar with the person or their situation, how do you know to make that judgement?
If you’re to be kind, isn’t that to everyone, irrespective of who they are or what they say? Doesn’t that put excessive pressure on the individual to act in a contrary way to their opinions and what if the individual is struggling themselves? Who should be kind in that situation? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other.
Then the kind one runs
Usually "
Unfortunately, they’re too kind don’t often see the unkindness until it’s too late because they are kind in their outlook. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other.
Then the kind one runs
Usually
Unfortunately, they’re too kind don’t often see the unkindness until it’s too late because they are kind in their outlook. "
.you can be kind to me
 |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I like the sentiment in general, but fear it is often used as a control method to keep people in their boxes and not question injustice or abuse of authority.
How do you mean, sorry?
In recent months I've seen #bekind thrown around in response to people who are trying to highlight various issues. Some people use it as a silencer, to imply that someone is making an unnecessary fuss and being deliberately unpleasant when actually they have valid points to make. In these cases discussion and debate gets shut down when someone rolls out #bekind."
I agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Being Kind dosnt have to mean that you're weak or stupid.
There is a grey area we cross into sometimes - when you realise you are not being kind, patient and tolerant anymore and you're letting someone take advantage of you. Its an uncomfortable realisation sometimes. |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"Nope no one in particular , just saying those kind of people aren't my go to
I think his point is it appears as a stab at anyone that that is negative.
Firstly by the use of name calling "negative nellies" and second assuming they have a chip on their shoulder either because or the reason for being negative are technically both attacks upon their character which is not positive in itself. And goes against being kind.
So being kind in a way is only a thing when it falls in to what we consider our own boundaries and goes against being kind and positive all the time.
I'm not attacking anyone ffs , I'm just giving you an insight into the kind of people I prefer to associate with , I'm allowed to prefer to associate with whomever I choose. "
Nobody said you are, or that you can't associate with certain people.
As I said just after, it was a just a deconstruction of what you had said, not an attack or a calling out of bullshit.
Which goes to show, even when people are not being unkind others often take it as an attack upon them and what they said. When it is nothing more than a neutral discussion. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive.
Does kindness only extend to the innocent. Surely that is an unkind sentiment and ethos.
Not at all, I’m just saying that implying innocence on people based on your perspective is naive.
I tend to agree with most of what you’ve written and that thought is important but it works both ways and simply shouting ‘be kind’ is a gross oversimplification of a complex process
That is the crux of kindness. When we must put aside our instant abhorrence and remember to be kind.
It doesn’t mean we need be kind once we feel justice needs to be dispensed when all have had time to consider their initial judgment.
But that justice is still based on personal bias and if you’re unfamiliar with the person or their situation, how do you know to make that judgement?
If you’re to be kind, isn’t that to everyone, irrespective of who they are or what they say? Doesn’t that put excessive pressure on the individual to act in a contrary way to their opinions and what if the individual is struggling themselves? Who should be kind in that situation? "
Justice needs to be dispensed to satisfy and be kind those who have been wronged and it is only by their kindness that they can choose to forego that justice.
It is because kindness is in the eye of the beholder that we cannot simply say be kind.
It is also that initial judgement that we have, our abhorrence that makes us forget to be kind to all. Only those perceived to have been wronged or the innocent deserve kindness, it would seem. That is when we cannot hear the cries to be kind to all and reserve judgement. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other.
Then the kind one runs
Usually
Unfortunately, they’re too kind don’t often see the unkindness until it’s too late because they are kind in their outlook. .
you can be kind to me
"
Am I kind though. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other.
Then the kind one runs
Usually
Unfortunately, they’re too kind don’t often see the unkindness until it’s too late because they are kind in their outlook. .
you can be kind to me
Am I kind though. "
Are you? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive.
Does kindness only extend to the innocent. Surely that is an unkind sentiment and ethos.
Not at all, I’m just saying that implying innocence on people based on your perspective is naive.
I tend to agree with most of what you’ve written and that thought is important but it works both ways and simply shouting ‘be kind’ is a gross oversimplification of a complex process
That is the crux of kindness. When we must put aside our instant abhorrence and remember to be kind.
It doesn’t mean we need be kind once we feel justice needs to be dispensed when all have had time to consider their initial judgment.
But that justice is still based on personal bias and if you’re unfamiliar with the person or their situation, how do you know to make that judgement?
If you’re to be kind, isn’t that to everyone, irrespective of who they are or what they say? Doesn’t that put excessive pressure on the individual to act in a contrary way to their opinions and what if the individual is struggling themselves? Who should be kind in that situation?
Justice needs to be dispensed to satisfy and be kind those who have been wronged and it is only by their kindness that they can choose to forego that justice.
It is because kindness is in the eye of the beholder that we cannot simply say be kind.
It is also that initial judgement that we have, our abhorrence that makes us forget to be kind to all. Only those perceived to have been wronged or the innocent deserve kindness, it would seem. That is when we cannot hear the cries to be kind to all and reserve judgement."
That all got very florid!
Although I don’t think that you’re making an actual point there beneath the prosaic text.
My questions and points still stand; if both are struggling, how do you identify who deserves kindness and if you’re doing that, isn’t it undermining the point of the ethos? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other.
Then the kind one runs
Usually
Unfortunately, they’re too kind don’t often see the unkindness until it’s too late because they are kind in their outlook. .
you can be kind to me
Am I kind though.
Are you?"
That would be in the eye of the beholder to judge. I just do my thing. |
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By *asmeenTV/TS
over a year ago
STOKE ON TRENT |
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other.
Then the kind one runs
Usually
Unfortunately, they’re too kind don’t often see the unkindness until it’s too late because they are kind in their outlook. .
you can be kind to me
Am I kind though.
Are you?
That would be in the eye of the beholder to judge. I just do my thing. "
I'm a good judge of character
I'd say yes x |
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By *imbobaMan
over a year ago
Glasgow |
"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said "
On introverted reflection (not common here) you are correct. Ya cunt. x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It’s a good ethos? It seems to in the eye of the beholder.
Does being kind mean not judging and certainly not doing so too quickly? Does it extend to understanding what others may be feeling, which helps us understand their motives and behaviour instead of jumping on bandwagons and hurling grenades without deliberating the consequences.
When are we to be kind?
When the bandwagon is rolling, no one wants to hear be kind to the witch they hunt.
Well said.
People need to get off the bandwagon & think before they act.
I think that people forget the actions of themselves when they ask others to be kind. I also think that implying innocence on people simply because others target them is naive.
Does kindness only extend to the innocent. Surely that is an unkind sentiment and ethos.
Not at all, I’m just saying that implying innocence on people based on your perspective is naive.
I tend to agree with most of what you’ve written and that thought is important but it works both ways and simply shouting ‘be kind’ is a gross oversimplification of a complex process
That is the crux of kindness. When we must put aside our instant abhorrence and remember to be kind.
It doesn’t mean we need be kind once we feel justice needs to be dispensed when all have had time to consider their initial judgment.
But that justice is still based on personal bias and if you’re unfamiliar with the person or their situation, how do you know to make that judgement?
If you’re to be kind, isn’t that to everyone, irrespective of who they are or what they say? Doesn’t that put excessive pressure on the individual to act in a contrary way to their opinions and what if the individual is struggling themselves? Who should be kind in that situation?
Justice needs to be dispensed to satisfy and be kind those who have been wronged and it is only by their kindness that they can choose to forego that justice.
It is because kindness is in the eye of the beholder that we cannot simply say be kind.
It is also that initial judgement that we have, our abhorrence that makes us forget to be kind to all. Only those perceived to have been wronged or the innocent deserve kindness, it would seem. That is when we cannot hear the cries to be kind to all and reserve judgement.
That all got very florid!
Although I don’t think that you’re making an actual point there beneath the prosaic text.
My questions and points still stand; if both are struggling, how do you identify who deserves kindness and if you’re doing that, isn’t it undermining the point of the ethos? "
I’m sorry, did you not catch my answer in the first part of my latest reply……
“ Justice needs to be dispensed to satisfy and be kind those who have been wronged and it is only by their kindness that they can choose to forego that justice.”
The ethos is in the eye of the beholder. What is kindness to an individual? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's in someone's character to be kind it shouldn be everyone's sadly it isn't
Should
Agreed. When the two meet, it’s a horrible situation and open to appalling abuse.
When who meet x
When kind and unkind people meet. One tends to abuse the other.
Then the kind one runs
Usually
Unfortunately, they’re too kind don’t often see the unkindness until it’s too late because they are kind in their outlook. .
you can be kind to me
Am I kind though.
Are you?
That would be in the eye of the beholder to judge. I just do my thing.
I'm a good judge of character
I'd say yes x"
Than you are VERY kind and sweet to say so.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said
That’s a valid life choice.
You don’t need to apologise.
I’m unsure what your post was trying to say though, unless it was making a veiled stab at people, which in itself is quite a negative thing
Nope no one in particular , just saying those kind of people aren't my go to "
I'll take that on board. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I find the kindest people I know ( on here ) are the ones that don't have to constantly say they are kind, they just are, it's them .
These are the people I get on with in here , and almost every single one of them aren't negative nellies either .
The negative brigade nearly always have a chip on their shoulder and they are not my kinda people ..
Sorry but has to be said
That’s a valid life choice.
You don’t need to apologise.
I’m unsure what your post was trying to say though, unless it was making a veiled stab at people, which in itself is quite a negative thing
Nope no one in particular , just saying those kind of people aren't my go to
I'll take that on board."
I don’t think that is what he meant by negative nellies. I can’t speak for him but I can only surmise what he meant from my perspective.
I believe he implied the type of people who seem to enjoy belittling others in some way, not those who are deprecate themselves. |
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By *oggoneMan
over a year ago
Derry |
"I think when the default is 'be kind of a dick' there's no harm in saying it.
It’s not a binary option though"
Well, it's mainly a social media trope and I would guess that 7/10 times it's projection. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I think that my feelings about this have been largely echoed through this thread.
My belief isn’t that we shouldn’t try to help people but that it’s never as simple or straightforward as the two words indicate.
I’d much rather be vigilant and support those as I see them, be genuine and honest in my reactions in all things.
Not to not be kind, but to not be disingenuous |
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I’ve been thinking about this and being a bit of a people watcher on here I tend to find those that shout “Be kind” (not all!) are the ones that I’ve known to be quite unkind. I find this with the no drama thing and attention seeking. Some who have “no drama” all over their profile and those that feel the need to keep saying they don’t do drama or “don’t need/crave attention” all the time are usually the ones that do! I’ve really noticed that over the years.
Everyone should just do what they do and be polite. I do that even if I don’t like someone. It’s really not that hard |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’ve been thinking about this and being a bit of a people watcher on here I tend to find those that shout “Be kind” (not all!) are the ones that I’ve known to be quite unkind. I find this with the no drama thing and attention seeking. Some who have “no drama” all over their profile and those that feel the need to keep saying they don’t do drama or “don’t need/crave attention” all the time are usually the ones that do! I’ve really noticed that over the years.
Everyone should just do what they do and be polite. I do that even if I don’t like someone. It’s really not that hard "
That's why I shit post about everyone  |
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I’ve been thinking about this and being a bit of a people watcher on here I tend to find those that shout “Be kind” (not all!) are the ones that I’ve known to be quite unkind. I find this with the no drama thing and attention seeking. Some who have “no drama” all over their profile and those that feel the need to keep saying they don’t do drama or “don’t need/crave attention” all the time are usually the ones that do! I’ve really noticed that over the years.
Everyone should just do what they do and be polite. I do that even if I don’t like someone. It’s really not that hard "
I agree with this, and not just because you have boobs. Though maybe a little bit because of boobs. |
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"I’ve been thinking about this and being a bit of a people watcher on here I tend to find those that shout “Be kind” (not all!) are the ones that I’ve known to be quite unkind. I find this with the no drama thing and attention seeking. Some who have “no drama” all over their profile and those that feel the need to keep saying they don’t do drama or “don’t need/crave attention” all the time are usually the ones that do! I’ve really noticed that over the years.
Everyone should just do what they do and be polite. I do that even if I don’t like someone. It’s really not that hard "
Totally Nora |
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