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Breaking the seal with a shit shag
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep. "
Camomile & Honey herbal tea helps.
.. with sleep. Not a shit shag 
Sleep it off, no more thinking! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep.
Camomile & Honey herbal tea helps.
.. with sleep. Not a shit shag
Sleep it off, no more thinking!"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh if you insist then!  "
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"However.... hey.....I'll take a shit shag right now! And I'll leave feedback on what it was like, too!! "
Shit shag you say. It's been that long I would probably go off in your hand like slimmer on ghostbusters. It's been a while. |
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"So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep. "
Or maybe the long break between and the sheer anticipation of the event made the fantasy of what could/should happen better than the reality could have ever been. Try for round two and do a comparison. Do it in the name of science and report back your findings  |
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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago
Ho Chi Minge City |
"Oh if you insist then!
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!! "
I’m one for having reviews in every publication going so I’m up for that! And the fact you’re also a villager means this was meant to be! Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh if you insist then!
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!!
I’m one for having reviews in every publication going so I’m up for that! And the fact you’re also a villager means this was meant to be! Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on!! "
Get yer coat...... and him up there too ^^^^grab his too..... were Marvin Gaye'd cued up on Alexa.
Dont give a monkeys who's first and wjos gwtting porridge..... im just gonna lay here amd let you fight like two rabid creatures!
God, I'm wet at the thought!! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep. "
|
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By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago
Ho Chi Minge City |
"Oh if you insist then!
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!!
I’m one for having reviews in every publication going so I’m up for that! And the fact you’re also a villager means this was meant to be! Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on!!
Get yer coat...... and him up there too ^^^^grab his too..... were Marvin Gaye'd cued up on Alexa.
Dont give a monkeys who's first and wjos gwtting porridge..... im just gonna lay here amd let you fight like two rabid creatures!
God, I'm wet at the thought!! "
You lucky lady, you’re going to have that many reviews to write in one weekend you’ll be like a courtroom typist trying to keep up! And might have a job walking properly afterwards but you can always get signed off sick for further review material opportunities. Only doing my bit for the community as a good citizen, of course |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh if you insist then!
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!!
I’m one for having reviews in every publication going so I’m up for that! And the fact you’re also a villager means this was meant to be! Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on!!
Get yer coat...... and him up there too ^^^^grab his too..... were Marvin Gaye'd cued up on Alexa.
Dont give a monkeys who's first and wjos gwtting porridge..... im just gonna lay here amd let you fight like two rabid creatures!
God, I'm wet at the thought!!
You lucky lady, you’re going to have that many reviews to write in one weekend you’ll be like a courtroom typist trying to keep up! And might have a job walking properly afterwards but you can always get signed off sick for further review material opportunities. Only doing my bit for the community as a good citizen, of course "
Aaaaaaaand.....
I'm spent! |
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|
By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago
Ho Chi Minge City |
"Oh if you insist then!
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!!
I’m one for having reviews in every publication going so I’m up for that! And the fact you’re also a villager means this was meant to be! Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on!!
Get yer coat...... and him up there too ^^^^grab his too..... were Marvin Gaye'd cued up on Alexa.
Dont give a monkeys who's first and wjos gwtting porridge..... im just gonna lay here amd let you fight like two rabid creatures!
God, I'm wet at the thought!!
You lucky lady, you’re going to have that many reviews to write in one weekend you’ll be like a courtroom typist trying to keep up! And might have a job walking properly afterwards but you can always get signed off sick for further review material opportunities. Only doing my bit for the community as a good citizen, of course
Aaaaaaaand.....
I'm spent! "
I can’t wait for the solo warm up review! |
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|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Oh if you insist then!
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!!
I’m one for having reviews in every publication going so I’m up for that! And the fact you’re also a villager means this was meant to be! Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on!!
Get yer coat...... and him up there too ^^^^grab his too..... were Marvin Gaye'd cued up on Alexa.
Dont give a monkeys who's first and wjos gwtting porridge..... im just gonna lay here amd let you fight like two rabid creatures!
God, I'm wet at the thought!!
You lucky lady, you’re going to have that many reviews to write in one weekend you’ll be like a courtroom typist trying to keep up! And might have a job walking properly afterwards but you can always get signed off sick for further review material opportunities. Only doing my bit for the community as a good citizen, of course
Aaaaaaaand.....
I'm spent!
I can’t wait for the solo warm up review! "
You we're magnificent! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *uke OzadeMan
over a year ago
Ho Chi Minge City |
"Oh if you insist then!
Sheikh, i want to do you!! And then review it and then write to everyone and tell em how awesome it was!! Up for it?!!
Drop em, sunshine! Drop em now!!
I’m one for having reviews in every publication going so I’m up for that! And the fact you’re also a villager means this was meant to be! Let’s Marvin Gaye and get it on!!
Get yer coat...... and him up there too ^^^^grab his too..... were Marvin Gaye'd cued up on Alexa.
Dont give a monkeys who's first and wjos gwtting porridge..... im just gonna lay here amd let you fight like two rabid creatures!
God, I'm wet at the thought!!
You lucky lady, you’re going to have that many reviews to write in one weekend you’ll be like a courtroom typist trying to keep up! And might have a job walking properly afterwards but you can always get signed off sick for further review material opportunities. Only doing my bit for the community as a good citizen, of course
Aaaaaaaand.....
I'm spent!
I can’t wait for the solo warm up review!
You we're magnificent! "
And my 100% satisfaction record with you remains intact! Same again later? |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I shouldn't laugh at your misfortune but what a brilliant post! 
Don't worry about the witch's curse, it's more common than you think. A crap fuck helps ease you in to mindblowingly, toe curling intense fucks that have your hands grasping the bedsheets and you unable to walk properly the next day. Also our ancestors were witch hunting twunts so it stands to reason a hell of a lot of them got cursed.
At the very least a penis is a very good cobweb remover. Hope you got some sleep OP. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep.
Or maybe the long break between and the sheer anticipation of the event made the fantasy of what could/should happen better than the reality could have ever been.
Try for round two and do a comparison. Do it in the name of science and report back your findings "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep. "
I’d hate to be that guy reading this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Yikes just remembered I actually posted this. My 4am mind on fluoxetine, everyone  "
Keep a diary by your bed or send yourself an email with your thoughts next time (if you don't want to post it).
Sounds like how you really feel and it makes sense to a lot of people. Not daft at all. Can be good to read it back. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So after spending over a year with my pussy on lockdown I FINALLY got the chance to meet up with a gorgeous guy recently and break my vacuum-tight, almost virginal seal.
We had sex. It was... Meh. The fireworks I was expecting turned out more like half-melted birthday candles. I really tried my hardest, guys. I gave him a fucking depraved porn star quality blowjob. I pulled muscles in my hips I didn't even know I had. I made my sexiest O faces. He was lovely, I fancied the pants off him and we got on great but it just all felt... Like I was trying to scratch an itch about half an inch out of reach (he's not on here btw so no chance of him ever reading this).
I did really enjoy the cuddles though. Which got me thinking: maybe I missed the intimacy more than the actual sex? Cuddling, kissing, pillow talking about flowers and rainbows and what's good on Netflix. I've actually always enjoyed that aspect way more than the sex. Maybe I'm asexual?
Then I remembered a time when I was 23 and just coming off of a 2 year bout of major cockfright. I broke the seal with literally the worst sex I've ever had. Like, it was embarrassingly bad. On both our parts. So bad that even he admitted it was truly shit. I would have been offended if it hadn't been the understatement of the century. BUT every partner I had between him and February 2020 had been pretty fucking good / pretty good fucking...
So what I'm saying is, I think this might be my burden to bear through life. Maybe one of my ancestors pissed off a witch and she placed a curse on their horniest progeny to go through dry spells brought on by mental blocks and/or worldwide pandemics, break the seal with a shit shag and then have pretty great sex until the next major crisis.
Either that or it's 4am and I'm overthinking shit because it's easier than falling asleep.
I’d hate to be that guy reading this "
He's not on here. Also she said she feels it's her 'fault', not his.
Everyone has bad days sometimes.  |
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