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Person keeps coming to my house
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it. |
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I will never have anyone at my home due to a very traumatic experience. The man in question (we never had sex) found out where I lived and worked and made my life a living hell, to the point I was scared to step a foot outside. The police were amazing though I have to admit x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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They mentioned harassment, and can take it further in that sense but the first step would be to have a word with her, they kinda see it as a jilted ex, even though I have only spent two nights with her.
I really cannot have any more problems with the ex, so I’m wary of making the situation worse. I don’t think there is a solution really just venting. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I will never have anyone at my home due to a very traumatic experience. The man in question (we never had sex) found out where I lived and worked and made my life a living hell, to the point I was scared to step a foot outside. The police were amazing though I have to admit x"
So sorry you had to go through that, that sounds absolutely awful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
"
What a horrible situation to be in. I'm not sure if the woman has some kind of mental health issue that means she has taken this to be some kind of 'relationship' and she feels hurt by you not wanting to see her at the weekend. Sex hormones can do strange things to people that are already mentally fragile if they feel a bond with the person they have slept with. I'm not justifying her behaviour at all, because these are very inappropriate and scary actions, but I have a friend who was the perpetrator of similar acts with a man she had met a few times and thought she had feelings for and I understand that her mental health played a big part in that situation (she has EUPD).
Can you get your friend to tell her you have moved out because her actions scared you so much? Depending on how unsafe you feel you could get a motion activated door camera for the front door, which will not only warn you that she is there, but will also be useful evidence if you have to go to the police at a later date.
I'm sorry I can't be more help, this is an awful situation to be in and I wish you all the best for getting it resolved quickly and as painlessly as possible. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Can you get your friend to tell her you have moved out because her actions scared you so much? Depending on how unsafe you feel you could get a motion activated door camera for the front door, which will not only warn you that she is there, but will also be useful evidence if you have to go to the police at a later date.
I'm sorry I can't be more help, this is an awful situation to be in and I wish you all the best for getting it resolved quickly and as painlessly as possible. "
Good idea, I’m praying I don’t see her again. She seemed quite normal and has quite a responsible job so I’ve no idea how it came about, I was straight upfront about it being a casual night, but like you say you don’t know what goes through people’s minds.
Unfortunately we live in a flat, the front door of the flat doesn’t have a lock for some reason, the flat owners don’t want to pay for the entry system, however an investment of a ring doorbell might be a good idea on the inside door, least can just ignore her |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Sounds like a nightmare!
I'm glad you have to the police and hopefully a warning from them will be enough.
The only advice I have is stay well away, keep her blocked on everything and log and report everything.
I hope this gets sorted for you. |
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Oh god that’s so awful. That really is an absolute nightmare. I’ve heard this so many times too. This is why nobody even knows what village I’m in let alone where my house is!
I think police is the only way here. Good luck I hope you get it sorted. I do feel for you. I had similar with a woman (I stupidly thought women wouldn’t be like that!) but not to that extent x |
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Horrible situation to be in.
I'm not sure that the police saying having a word might make the situation worse was a very good idea. How bad does it have to be before they take action? She's harrassing you, your flatmate, your ex partner...who next? If you can't take out a restraining order until the police have had words you might as well get the ball rolling. Report her to Facebook after blocking her on there and tighten your privacy settings
Don't get your mate to say you've moved, it wouldn't take her long to find out you haven't.
Good luck |
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"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it."
Similar advice.
Write to her. Tell her you've spoken to police. Say she's to stop contacting you. Suggest you'll take it further if you have to.
Start keeping a log of when she contacts you or comes to your flat. Get a ring doorbell.
Be firm but kind.
Do think of getting an injunction or getting police to speak to her. Have an initial consultation with a solicitor. There are civil as well as legal actions you can take. Suspend your sympathy until she stops this.
Best wishes. |
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Ps our son had a similar problem. He asked me what to do and I suggested the police. He was concerned about taking that step but they actually got the woman some help with her mental health. Mind you she had caused criminal damage too. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ps our son had a similar problem. He asked me what to do and I suggested the police. He was concerned about taking that step but they actually got the woman some help with her mental health. Mind you she had caused criminal damage too."
That sounds positive well except the damage. |
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"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it.
Similar advice.
Write to her. Tell her you've spoken to police. Say she's to stop contacting you. Suggest you'll take it further if you have to.
Start keeping a log of when she contacts you or comes to your flat. Get a ring doorbell.
Be firm but kind.
Do think of getting an injunction or getting police to speak to her. Have an initial consultation with a solicitor. There are civil as well as legal actions you can take. Suspend your sympathy until she stops this.
Best wishes. "
"Suspend your sympathy" an excellent way of putting it! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best. Someone with her mindset would require closure. Tell her that you were happy with her at first and would have continued to meet with her but the weekends are your only time with your children, during which you don’t message people or anything of the sort.
Say that her turning up at your house was a bad move and something you can’t forgive. Say that it’s changed your opinion of her now and nothing can change it back. Say sorry it came to this but you wish her no hard feelings and be on your way. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it.
Similar advice.
Write to her. Tell her you've spoken to police. Say she's to stop contacting you. Suggest you'll take it further if you have to.
Start keeping a log of when she contacts you or comes to your flat. Get a ring doorbell.
Be firm but kind.
Do think of getting an injunction or getting police to speak to her. Have an initial consultation with a solicitor. There are civil as well as legal actions you can take. Suspend your sympathy until she stops this.
Best wishes. "
Totally agree with this except the writing to her bit, I think in these situations its to have no contact at all.
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"Ps our son had a similar problem. He asked me what to do and I suggested the police. He was concerned about taking that step but they actually got the woman some help with her mental health. Mind you she had caused criminal damage too.
That sounds positive well except the damage. "
As I said to him at the time, if it was a man doing this to a woman the police would have been involved weeks ago. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best. Someone with her mindset would require closure. Tell her that you were happy with her at first and would have continued to meet with her but the weekends are your only time with your children, during which you don’t message people or anything of the sort.
Say that her turning up at your house was a bad move and something you can’t forgive. Say that it’s changed your opinion of her now and nothing can change it back. Say sorry it came to this but you wish her no hard feelings and be on your way. "
This could work if she is emotionally stable but I'd assume she isn't so any contract would be a huge risk. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ps our son had a similar problem. He asked me what to do and I suggested the police. He was concerned about taking that step but they actually got the woman some help with her mental health. Mind you she had caused criminal damage too.
That sounds positive well except the damage.
As I said to him at the time, if it was a man doing this to a woman the police would have been involved weeks ago."
Agreed. |
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Sounds like a bit of a cop out by the police (no pun intended). It definitely sounds like harassment because it is a series of events which have occurred, so they only need to speak to her and warn her. After that, any additional events fall within the thresholds of criminal activity for which she can be arrested. I would be on to the police to play their part. |
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By *S2004Man
over a year ago
Bromsgrove |
"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best. Someone with her mindset would require closure. Tell her that you were happy with her at first and would have continued to meet with her but the weekends are your only time with your children, during which you don’t message people or anything of the sort.
Say that her turning up at your house was a bad move and something you can’t forgive. Say that it’s changed your opinion of her now and nothing can change it back. Say sorry it came to this but you wish her no hard feelings and be on your way.
This could work if she is emotionally stable but I'd assume she isn't so any contract would be a huge risk. "
Very much this. In a sensible and stable mind this would be perfect but she sounds like somehow the lines have been blurred. Her actions seem irrational at best already |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sounds like a bit of a cop out by the police (no pun intended). It definitely sounds like harassment because it is a series of events which have occurred, so they only need to speak to her and warn her. After that, any additional events fall within the thresholds of criminal activity for which she can be arrested. I would be on to the police to play their part."
I understand that's what a lot of people think but in a lot of cases an initial word from the police does do the trick.
I guess at least it gets the ball rolling and a report has been made but it is a frustrating situation for the OP I'm sure. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Thanks for all the advice, in kind of a weird way I’m glad I’m not the only one to experience it, I’m not concerned for my safety so to speak, I’m a big lad and she was 5” nothing who would blow away in the wind, but it’s my ex I’m bothered about, if she keep causing a nuisance my ex will use it against me, I’m already having problems.
we are ordering a ring doorbell my mate has no problems putting it up in his flat door. Police said the best way of dealing with it is to severe all contact, and block where possible, I’m hoping she’s got it out of her system. But I think I’ll go straight back to the police if she makes any more contact.
I cannot wait for the clubs to reopen, never had a problem when they was open, I hope that many have survived the lockdown. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Really sorry to read this, OP, sounds absolutely awful an experience.
My gut feeling is to avoid further contact but I do understand the point about giving her closure. If you do meet her to do so it carries a number of risks including making a scene in public, seeking further meets, further repercussions etc. Ask yourself how likely is she to be reasonable after all the behaviour shown so far?
Going forward, I think there is something to be said to get to know a person a bit before inviting them back home. It is no guarantee but you can perhaps filter out people who are likely to attach to you in an unhealthy way.
Wishing you best of luck and hope you can get this stressful situation resolved asap. x |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I had a couple back to mine once.
As I was playing with her, he stolen my iPad and credit card.
Never again"
That’s awful, pre-planned I think that of the couple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Thanks for all the advice, in kind of a weird way I’m glad I’m not the only one to experience it, I’m not concerned for my safety so to speak, I’m a big lad and she was 5” nothing who would blow away in the wind, but it’s my ex I’m bothered about, if she keep causing a nuisance my ex will use it against me, I’m already having problems.
we are ordering a ring doorbell my mate has no problems putting it up in his flat door. Police said the best way of dealing with it is to severe all contact, and block where possible, I’m hoping she’s got it out of her system. But I think I’ll go straight back to the police if she makes any more contact.
I cannot wait for the clubs to reopen, never had a problem when they was open, I hope that many have survived the lockdown."
I totally understand and its not just you she is impacting.
If she contacts your ex or housemate again it might be worth asking them to report the harassment too.
I really hope she stops. |
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Read the whole thing now.
I had a similar issue with someone.
Police were very helpful. At the time they issued a notice to him, but they don't do them anymore.
They advised always keeping any messages etc.
More than 3 occasions is harrassment.
Recently he popped up again and they rang him straight away to warn him off, told me they'd support an injunction. Not had any issues since! |
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"I'm surprised the Police won't do more than have a word.
This is clearly harrasment - which is a crime.
What a pain in the arse"
this.. when I had a problem, they were great. Also my former fb made an accusation that I kept turning up at his house invited ( I wasnt but hey ho) and I got called in under caution as he had made the allegation.
I was able to prove he was just a bit of a nut job... but I was still called in ans I hadn't been actually done anything.
So they should go and have a word. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm sorry! That's so scary.
I think you've taken all the right steps so far. Maybe next time if she comes again, tell her the police are involved and hopefully she will back off. And don't be afraid to be a cunt with her. She sounds very unstable from what you've shared, be careful. |
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I feel your pain.
I was in a similar position regarding an ex and very cautious playing as a result. It did make things difficult as last thing you want is the ex using your private play to drive a wedge between you and your kids.
The police having a word did help with my obsesive stalker, but on here my non accommodating and desire to keep private life private led many to the conclusion I was a cheater - most frustrating.
Good luck I hope the situation resolves itself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For the ones making jokes, I hope it never happens to you.
Harass me anytime. You'll get no complaints here 
You would "
Never. I'd be grinning and plotting revenge |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Dont answer or respond
If she turns up again call police and say there is a woman at the door threatening to kill me and say she has a firearm on her
Sit back and watch
Works a treat  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
"
So you are saying proper closure is the only way that could bring this to a peaceful end?
As I said earlier, I kind of get that way of thinking - while I would not do the things she has done, I guess I would want closure if I felt somebody had treated me wrongly. I would want to know why things have gone so badly wrong.
Do you think it could be done via message or would it have to be face-to-face? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"For the ones making jokes, I hope it never happens to you.
Harass me anytime. You'll get no complaints here
You would
Never. I'd be grinning and plotting revenge
My kind of man  "
jesus christ im in trouble now! |
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So sorry this is happening to you. I know this completely takes over your life and you're uneasy - not just at home, but you'll most likely constantly looking over your shoulder when out and about.
I would get the police to go knocking on her door if it happens again. That might give her enough of a fright to stop. And if it doesn't, get that restraining order x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I had a woman do something similar to me a couple of years back. It’s scary stuff. She messaged my sister, my mum, my work colleagues about Fab, found my partner’s mobile and kept messaging. They still arrive every few months or so.
Told the police after three months. They called her, but she still carries on
My sympathies |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
So you are saying proper closure is the only way that could bring this to a peaceful end?
As I said earlier, I kind of get that way of thinking - while I would not do the things she has done, I guess I would want closure if I felt somebody had treated me wrongly. I would want to know why things have gone so badly wrong.
Do you think it could be done via message or would it have to be face-to-face? "
If you were concerned for your physical safety then I wouldn’t recommend a face to face but in this guys case I’d say he was okay.
If you have any issues like this lady sounds like she has then when something ends she’ll probably go inward and blame herself/feel she’s not good enough. If it’s just an action that she did and not her actual self then it would be easier to take, chalk it up to experience and hopefully not do a similar thing in the future with any new partners.
Like if she was told face to face look I was happy with you and would have continued seeing you but weekends are solely for my children. They come first before everything else and you turning up at my house and then contacting my ex is not acceptable and something I can’t overlook or forgive. The safety of my children comes first and so does my access to them. Something like that and she’s probably just apologise and take it on the chin. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
So you are saying proper closure is the only way that could bring this to a peaceful end?
As I said earlier, I kind of get that way of thinking - while I would not do the things she has done, I guess I would want closure if I felt somebody had treated me wrongly. I would want to know why things have gone so badly wrong.
Do you think it could be done via message or would it have to be face-to-face?
If you were concerned for your physical safety then I wouldn’t recommend a face to face but in this guys case I’d say he was okay.
If you have any issues like this lady sounds like she has then when something ends she’ll probably go inward and blame herself/feel she’s not good enough. If it’s just an action that she did and not her actual self then it would be easier to take, chalk it up to experience and hopefully not do a similar thing in the future with any new partners.
Like if she was told face to face look I was happy with you and would have continued seeing you but weekends are solely for my children. They come first before everything else and you turning up at my house and then contacting my ex is not acceptable and something I can’t overlook or forgive. The safety of my children comes first and so does my access to them. Something like that and she’s probably just apologise and take it on the chin. "
... because in HER eyes, she has been wronged and rejected, right? Even if she has not, this is how she perceives it and therefore cannot let it go?
I am not justifying the behaviour, I am trying to understand where it is coming from. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
"
Thank you for your genuine thoughts, I does bring a different angle on the situation, even if it does scare me a little .
My worry about meeting would be that she wouldn’t listen, if she’s being irrational now, I don’t believe discussing it would have much effect. We literally slept together two nights and agreed it was just for fun. I don’t know what I would gain, I cannot see her listening properly, saying that I don’t even know her at all, and I don’t owe her anything I’ve not done anything wrong.
Just out of curiosity what would have been your next move, maybe if I can guess it I can be prepared for it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
So you are saying proper closure is the only way that could bring this to a peaceful end?
As I said earlier, I kind of get that way of thinking - while I would not do the things she has done, I guess I would want closure if I felt somebody had treated me wrongly. I would want to know why things have gone so badly wrong.
Do you think it could be done via message or would it have to be face-to-face?
If you were concerned for your physical safety then I wouldn’t recommend a face to face but in this guys case I’d say he was okay.
If you have any issues like this lady sounds like she has then when something ends she’ll probably go inward and blame herself/feel she’s not good enough. If it’s just an action that she did and not her actual self then it would be easier to take, chalk it up to experience and hopefully not do a similar thing in the future with any new partners.
Like if she was told face to face look I was happy with you and would have continued seeing you but weekends are solely for my children. They come first before everything else and you turning up at my house and then contacting my ex is not acceptable and something I can’t overlook or forgive. The safety of my children comes first and so does my access to them. Something like that and she’s probably just apologise and take it on the chin.
... because in HER eyes, she has been wronged and rejected, right? Even if she has not, this is how she perceives it and therefore cannot let it go?
I am not justifying the behaviour, I am trying to understand where it is coming from. "
Exactly. Her turning up at the house I’m guessing would’ve been when her head had completely gone by having multiple text messages ignored? |
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"For the ones making jokes, I hope it never happens to you.
Harass me anytime. You'll get no complaints here
You would
Never. I'd be grinning and plotting revenge
My kind of man
jesus christ im in trouble now! "
With a capital T |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Dont answer or respond
If she turns up again call police and say there is a woman at the door threatening to kill me and say she has a firearm on her
Sit back and watch
Works a treat "
Filing a false police report- you'd get done for wasting police time when the firearms team turned up |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
Thank you for your genuine thoughts, I does bring a different angle on the situation, even if it does scare me a little .
My worry about meeting would be that she wouldn’t listen, if she’s being irrational now, I don’t believe discussing it would have much effect. We literally slept together two nights and agreed it was just for fun. I don’t know what I would gain, I cannot see her listening properly, saying that I don’t even know her at all, and I don’t owe her anything I’ve not done anything wrong.
Just out of curiosity what would have been your next move, maybe if I can guess it I can be prepared for it."
If I was hurt deeply my next step would be wanting to hurt the other person, not physically but by doing something. If she knows his weakness ie his ex getting pissed off and possibly withdrawing access the that’s the route she would take.
Making her believe that there’s nothing wrong with her and she’s not being rejected it’s simply that her actions have changed how you view her and you can’t change it back she has to take responsibility for that and she would. She’ll blame herself but knowing that it’s not actually her and more something she did she will know not to do something like that with anyone else. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
So you are saying proper closure is the only way that could bring this to a peaceful end?
As I said earlier, I kind of get that way of thinking - while I would not do the things she has done, I guess I would want closure if I felt somebody had treated me wrongly. I would want to know why things have gone so badly wrong.
Do you think it could be done via message or would it have to be face-to-face?
If you were concerned for your physical safety then I wouldn’t recommend a face to face but in this guys case I’d say he was okay.
If you have any issues like this lady sounds like she has then when something ends she’ll probably go inward and blame herself/feel she’s not good enough. If it’s just an action that she did and not her actual self then it would be easier to take, chalk it up to experience and hopefully not do a similar thing in the future with any new partners.
Like if she was told face to face look I was happy with you and would have continued seeing you but weekends are solely for my children. They come first before everything else and you turning up at my house and then contacting my ex is not acceptable and something I can’t overlook or forgive. The safety of my children comes first and so does my access to them. Something like that and she’s probably just apologise and take it on the chin.
... because in HER eyes, she has been wronged and rejected, right? Even if she has not, this is how she perceives it and therefore cannot let it go?
I am not justifying the behaviour, I am trying to understand where it is coming from.
Exactly. Her turning up at the house I’m guessing would’ve been when her head had completely gone by having multiple text messages ignored? "
This is true.
I wonder if the police could liaise between you and her- maybe having a plain clothes police presence while you talked somewhere neutrally would mean she could get closure and you could have a witness to what was said. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Feel for you mate theres alot of weirdo's out there. This is the exact reason i dont accommodate and wouldnt entertain anyone coming to mine unless i had known the person for a while  |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
So sorry that you have had this experience OP.
I am bi, but I am very wary of meeting single women due to some similar experiences myself.
I do understand that some women get very emotionally involved after sex. It’s sadly the way our hormones work. Fortunately my mostly left-sided brain counteracts the hormones, but a lot of women don’t have that. Add in some emotional issues and it is a perfect storm.
I really agree with others that think she needs closure. Write a polite and well considered message explaining your position and why you no longer want anything to do with her. If she pesters you or anyone in your circle after that then go to the police. At least you will have evidence that you have been completely honest and fair with her then. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I wonder if the police could liaise between you and her- maybe having a plain clothes police presence while you talked somewhere neutrally would mean she could get closure and you could have a witness to what was said. "
The police aren't there to provide relationship mediation |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For the ones making jokes, I hope it never happens to you.
Harass me anytime. You'll get no complaints here
You would
Never. I'd be grinning and plotting revenge
My kind of man
jesus christ im in trouble now!
With a capital T "
Bring it on I'll take ya.
The full distance |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"
If I was hurt deeply my next step would be wanting to hurt the other person, not physically but by doing something. If she knows his weakness ie his ex getting pissed off and possibly withdrawing access the that’s the route she would take.
Making her believe that there’s nothing wrong with her and she’s not being rejected it’s simply that her actions have changed how you view her and you can’t change it back she has to take responsibility for that and she would. She’ll blame herself but knowing that it’s not actually her and more something she did she will know not to do something like that with anyone else. "
Christ don’t say that, I’m praying she doesn’t realise I’ve issues with the ex, I never discussed the ex with her nor really mentioned my children, only a passing comment when she saw the pictures on the side.
Luckily I’ve not had any more contact so I’m hoping that will be the end of it, but from what you are saying that could be wishful thinking.
Thanks though for sharing your side, it has been very helpful. I prey for the person who gets on your bad side though  . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I’m a reformed crazy. I’m 16 weeks into my counselling now and it’s making a huge difference.
I’m speculating here but my senses say you were done with her or had subconsciously decided that you wouldn’t see her again even before the turning up at your house? |
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"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
Thank you for your genuine thoughts, I does bring a different angle on the situation, even if it does scare me a little .
My worry about meeting would be that she wouldn’t listen, if she’s being irrational now, I don’t believe discussing it would have much effect. We literally slept together two nights and agreed it was just for fun. I don’t know what I would gain, I cannot see her listening properly, saying that I don’t even know her at all, and I don’t owe her anything I’ve not done anything wrong.
Just out of curiosity what would have been your next move, maybe if I can guess it I can be prepared for it."
Sorry to hear what your having to deal with  that sounds horrid.
I would say trust your instinct, you know her better than all of us as you have met her and we are just hearing of her that's two different things. Your possibly right that she wouldn't listen if you was to meet with her again and I would be worried police may think or question you for provoking her if she was to act out irrationally in public.
If it's not broken why fix it in other words while she's quiet and staying away I would leave her that way. As you said it's only been two nights and as you have informed the police let them deal with her if she tries to get in contact again.
Best wishes hope you don't hear from her no more xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m a reformed crazy. I’m 16 weeks into my counselling now and it’s making a huge difference.
I’m speculating here but my senses say you were done with her or had subconsciously decided that you wouldn’t see her again even before the turning up at your house?"
Yes that is pretty much correct, although we did enjoy ourselves, I don’t want nor would like a relationship right now. I was just looking for sex.
I didn’t lead her on though, I was quite clear before we even met up it was just for sex, and even she agreed she just wanted some fun, which does confuse me a little. If I promised her the world and then just severed contact I would get it.
All the best with your counciling and seeking help, I cannot imagine how hard it is to face these sort of things, mental health is a horrible illness. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
Thank you for your genuine thoughts, I does bring a different angle on the situation, even if it does scare me a little .
My worry about meeting would be that she wouldn’t listen, if she’s being irrational now, I don’t believe discussing it would have much effect. We literally slept together two nights and agreed it was just for fun. I don’t know what I would gain, I cannot see her listening properly, saying that I don’t even know her at all, and I don’t owe her anything I’ve not done anything wrong.
Just out of curiosity what would have been your next move, maybe if I can guess it I can be prepared for it.
Sorry to hear what your having to deal with that sounds horrid.
I would say trust your instinct, you know her better than all of us as you have met her and we are just hearing of her that's two different things. Your possibly right that she wouldn't listen if you was to meet with her again and I would be worried police may think or question you for provoking her if she was to act out irrationally in public.
If it's not broken why fix it in other words while she's quiet and staying away I would leave her that way. As you said it's only been two nights and as you have informed the police let them deal with her if she tries to get in contact again.
Best wishes hope you don't hear from her no more xx"
Thanks I’m hoping to let sleeping dogs lie, I’ve the kids tomorrow and hoping to have a stress free weekend with them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a reformed crazy. I’m 16 weeks into my counselling now and it’s making a huge difference.
I’m speculating here but my senses say you were done with her or had subconsciously decided that you wouldn’t see her again even before the turning up at your house?
Yes that is pretty much correct, although we did enjoy ourselves, I don’t want nor would like a relationship right now. I was just looking for sex.
I didn’t lead her on though, I was quite clear before we even met up it was just for sex, and even she agreed she just wanted some fun, which does confuse me a little. If I promised her the world and then just severed contact I would get it.
All the best with your counciling and seeking help, I cannot imagine how hard it is to face these sort of things, mental health is a horrible illness."
I knew it. She would’ve known you were done too hence why her crazy came out! |
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"For the ones making jokes, I hope it never happens to you.
Harass me anytime. You'll get no complaints here
You would
Never. I'd be grinning and plotting revenge
My kind of man
jesus christ im in trouble now!
With a capital T
Bring it on I'll take ya.
The full distance "
Be careful what you wish for |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I’m a reformed crazy. I’m 16 weeks into my counselling now and it’s making a huge difference.
I’m speculating here but my senses say you were done with her or had subconsciously decided that you wouldn’t see her again even before the turning up at your house?
Yes that is pretty much correct, although we did enjoy ourselves, I don’t want nor would like a relationship right now. I was just looking for sex.
I didn’t lead her on though, I was quite clear before we even met up it was just for sex, and even she agreed she just wanted some fun, which does confuse me a little. If I promised her the world and then just severed contact I would get it.
All the best with your counciling and seeking help, I cannot imagine how hard it is to face these sort of things, mental health is a horrible illness.
I knew it. She would’ve known you were done too hence why her crazy came out!"
That’s some good foresight lol, I didn’t give her the impression this was a ongoing thing, but I guess I cannot see what someone else is thinking.
I’m not even a catch for anything long term, I’m going though a horrible divorce, living with my mate and have kids lol. If anything she should be glad to get rid of me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m a reformed crazy. I’m 16 weeks into my counselling now and it’s making a huge difference.
I’m speculating here but my senses say you were done with her or had subconsciously decided that you wouldn’t see her again even before the turning up at your house?
Yes that is pretty much correct, although we did enjoy ourselves, I don’t want nor would like a relationship right now. I was just looking for sex.
I didn’t lead her on though, I was quite clear before we even met up it was just for sex, and even she agreed she just wanted some fun, which does confuse me a little. If I promised her the world and then just severed contact I would get it.
All the best with your counciling and seeking help, I cannot imagine how hard it is to face these sort of things, mental health is a horrible illness.
I knew it. She would’ve known you were done too hence why her crazy came out!
That’s some good foresight lol, I didn’t give her the impression this was a ongoing thing, but I guess I cannot see what someone else is thinking.
I’m not even a catch for anything long term, I’m going though a horrible divorce, living with my mate and have kids lol. If anything she should be glad to get rid of me."
Makes no difference. I got all bent out of shape over some short arse Sicilian guy I worked with who wasn’t even my type, his penis was very small, he didn’t make me fun when we had sex, he didn’t have a car, didn’t even have a licence, lived in a room in a shared house, only owned two pairs of shoes, lied about his age amongst other things but at the time I was dotty about him! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
|
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
This is exactly why my home life and fab is completely separate. You can’t possibly know how someone will behave if things don’t go their way and I wouldn’t want to take that risk.
I also don't think it’s relevant matter whether you gave the impression there would be more to it or not, it doesn’t excuse the behaviour.
I would just make it clear that the police are now involved. And don’t invite anyone to your home  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"For the ones making jokes, I hope it never happens to you.
Harass me anytime. You'll get no complaints here
You would
Never. I'd be grinning and plotting revenge
My kind of man
jesus christ im in trouble now!
With a capital T
Bring it on I'll take ya.
The full distance
Be careful what you wish for "
I'm ready for anything |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage. "
This. . A very prescient comment. And, very fairly made. Bravo x |
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By *elethWoman
over a year ago
Gloucestershire |
"
I wonder if the police could liaise between you and her- maybe having a plain clothes police presence while you talked somewhere neutrally would mean she could get closure and you could have a witness to what was said.
The police aren't there to provide relationship mediation "
Absolutely not their role |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Makes no difference. I got all bent out of shape over some short arse Sicilian guy I worked with who wasn’t even my type, his penis was very small, he didn’t make me fun when we had sex, he didn’t have a car, didn’t even have a licence, lived in a room in a shared house, only owned two pairs of shoes, lied about his age amongst other things but at the time I was dotty about him!"
Flipping heck that’s some statistics that , what attracted you to him if you don’t mind me asking. Saying that I guess opposites attract though. |
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"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
"
Agree completely, to hammer at a door knowing there are little ones present is so bang out of order. You can't potentially go terrifying kids just because you're not happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
"
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues. |
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OP, I'm do sorry this has happened.
I would echo the other comments and make it official with the police. It's harassment, pure and simple, that is having a knock on effect to your relationship with your ex/kids.
Best of luck xx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
"
Thanks, this is kind of my thinking, was totally straight up with the situation.
I’ve learned my lesson, saying that I don’t think my mate will want me to bring any more ladies home as well
I’m lucky he’s still letting me live there |
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By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
"
This
You were straight with her from the start OP. You don't need to explain anymore to her. She's making her problems yours. You didn't sign up to be her carer or therapist |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues. "
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
"
Oh wow. You’re really understanding aren’t you. Referring to someone’s mental health problems as bull shit. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"
I wonder if the police could liaise between you and her- maybe having a plain clothes police presence while you talked somewhere neutrally would mean she could get closure and you could have a witness to what was said.
The police aren't there to provide relationship mediation "
It's not a relationship mediation. It's crime prevention. She's clearly got issues, which need to be handled delicately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
Oh wow. You’re really understanding aren’t you. Referring to someone’s mental health problems as bull shit. "
Having mental health issues is awful, but it does not give anyone the right to abuse or harass others.
I have been a victim of abuse from people who have bipolar and BPD. It sucks but it's not my fault they are ill. People need to take responsibility for their own actions. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
"
I don't see it as a black and white scenario tbh. Her actions are not his responsibility, sure. I don't think anybody would disagree with this statement.
T would disagree with the statement about "her bullshit" when we don't know what mental health issues are at play.
Ultimately, we are all responsible for our actions and behaviours but a degree of empathy, trying to understand what makes somebody behave in a certain way can help, not the healing process in that person but it can also improve one own's sense of well-being for replacing a pure blame versus non-blame attitude with a healthier empathetic one? |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
I don't see it as a black and white scenario tbh. Her actions are not his responsibility, sure. I don't think anybody would disagree with this statement.
T would disagree with the statement about "her bullshit" when we don't know what mental health issues are at play.
Ultimately, we are all responsible for our actions and behaviours but a degree of empathy, trying to understand what makes somebody behave in a certain way can help, not* the healing process in that person but it can also improve one own's sense of well-being for replacing a pure blame versus non-blame attitude with a healthier empathetic one? "
* not only the healing process ... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
Oh wow. You’re really understanding aren’t you. Referring to someone’s mental health problems as bull shit. "
I'm incredibly understanding when it comes to mental health, but it is bullshit when she shows up hammering at his door when he's done nothing wrong and he's with his young kids and she knows this. It is bullshit when she's getting deeply involved in his personal life when she has no right to.
Please don't try to make out like this behaviour is somehow acceptable just because of mental health issues. She needs to seek help, not have deep and meaningful chat with the guy she's obsessed with. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
Oh wow. You’re really understanding aren’t you. Referring to someone’s mental health problems as bull shit. "
It's terrible she has mental health issues and let's hope she gets proper help but behaving badly, especially around children, doesn't mean she shouldn't take responsibility for her behaviour and that is wrong on every level
If you had a man stalking you and banging on your door and behaving like that in front of your kids it would be a police matter ...
I had a stalker pre internet and he nearly killed me and my then partner, mental health issues are not an excuse for this behaviour or even worse |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
I don't see it as a black and white scenario tbh. Her actions are not his responsibility, sure. I don't think anybody would disagree with this statement.
T would disagree with the statement about "her bullshit" when we don't know what mental health issues are at play.
Ultimately, we are all responsible for our actions and behaviours but a degree of empathy, trying to understand what makes somebody behave in a certain way can help, not the healing process in that person but it can also improve one own's sense of well-being for replacing a pure blame versus non-blame attitude with a healthier empathetic one? "
Sure, I do agree with what you're saying and I totally understand she is mentally ill and needs support. But her behaviour is bullshit regardless of what is going on in her mind, this behaviour can put people in serious danger.
So if you or anyone else wants to sit down and have a talk with her to help her, then good for you. But the OP doesn't owe this woman anything and that is all I'm saying. I don't care if that makes me sound like an insensitive prick. I don't have time for people like that. I am not responsible for their actions, especially when you bring my children into it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Pros- in a bad place and alone you pulled without a wingman or friends involved.. like grease lightening you proved yourself you still got the spark ??
Cons- inviting a stray across your threshold allows them invitation to return
I’ve had a similar incident recently.. where I was hiding behind the sofa as the door was knocking??
as time passes so does fear of the unknown .. she will get bored if you ignore her.. and took the mick by contacting your ex
In my situation we friend zoned it all and say hello as neighbours if we pass in the street
Good luck though... you should consider your acts as passionate and strong .. u allowed to have a fling but should risk assess consequences
|
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Water gun full of piss give her a saoking every time she turns up. She will soon get fed up of been soaked in piss"
That's assault 
Probs not going to help |
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"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
I don't see it as a black and white scenario tbh. Her actions are not his responsibility, sure. I don't think anybody would disagree with this statement.
T would disagree with the statement about "her bullshit" when we don't know what mental health issues are at play.
Ultimately, we are all responsible for our actions and behaviours but a degree of empathy, trying to understand what makes somebody behave in a certain way can help, not the healing process in that person but it can also improve one own's sense of well-being for replacing a pure blame versus non-blame attitude with a healthier empathetic one?
Sure, I do agree with what you're saying and I totally understand she is mentally ill and needs support. But her behaviour is bullshit regardless of what is going on in her mind, this behaviour can put people in serious danger.
So if you or anyone else wants to sit down and have a talk with her to help her, then good for you. But the OP doesn't owe this woman anything and that is all I'm saying. I don't care if that makes me sound like an insensitive prick. I don't have time for people like that. I am not responsible for their actions, especially when you bring my children into it. "
Damn right! |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
I don't see it as a black and white scenario tbh. Her actions are not his responsibility, sure. I don't think anybody would disagree with this statement.
T would disagree with the statement about "her bullshit" when we don't know what mental health issues are at play.
Ultimately, we are all responsible for our actions and behaviours but a degree of empathy, trying to understand what makes somebody behave in a certain way can help, not the healing process in that person but it can also improve one own's sense of well-being for replacing a pure blame versus non-blame attitude with a healthier empathetic one?
Sure, I do agree with what you're saying and I totally understand she is mentally ill and needs support. But her behaviour is bullshit regardless of what is going on in her mind, this behaviour can put people in serious danger.
So if you or anyone else wants to sit down and have a talk with her to help her, then good for you. But the OP doesn't owe this woman anything and that is all I'm saying. I don't care if that makes me sound like an insensitive prick. I don't have time for people like that. I am not responsible for their actions, especially when you bring my children into it. "
I think we misunderstood each other. I am not saying that the OP owes her -he does not. It is absolutely the woman's responsibility to manage her behaviour.
I was really just looking for a way in which the situation might (have been?) resolved in a way that the OP regains his well-deserved peace of mind (re himself, the ex and the children) and one way as suggested by others, was to explain to the woman that it was her behaviour that lead to the abrupt ending of their "relationship" - Annie Wilkes explained it so well and frankly in what might be going through this person's head.
Whatever was/ is going through the woman's head may well be the result of mental health issues, bad, traumatic experience in the past, etc. To repeat, while some of her behaviour may make sense in the context of her mindset - it is not acceptable and I do not think anybody could claim otherwise.
I was really just looking for a way forward where people (both sides) could move on and I stumbled at the term "bullshit". Hope that makes sense. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
"
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Wow
I agree there is too much misery in England especially with modern sociology.. yet we respect our queen on our thrown and boast a diverse and intelligent .. powerful host of females
England is represented by a beautiful rose and the more beautiful it is.. the sharper are the thorns
Dare you ? |
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It's a shit situation.
She probably feels like a right cunt having done what she's done. Stab in the dark.... she's been lied to by a "single" bloke in the past and got hurt pretty fucking badly and was, in her mind, dealing with the situation to find the truth. Her way of not being a doormat and standing her ground kinda thing.
Unfortunately there are people who do use "I've got the kids" as a cover story for a relationship, so when it's said for real it sets off spidey senses for the one who's heard it before.
Bad times. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's a shit situation.
She probably feels like a right cunt having done what she's done. Stab in the dark.... she's been lied to by a "single" bloke in the past and got hurt pretty fucking badly and was, in her mind, dealing with the situation to find the truth. Her way of not being a doormat and standing her ground kinda thing.
Unfortunately there are people who do use "I've got the kids" as a cover story for a relationship, so when it's said for real it sets off spidey senses for the one who's heard it before.
Bad times. "
But what is the truth to find?
OP was straight with her from the start, this was purely sex, two nights.
I'm concerned how people are eager to defend this woman and find excuses for her, because if it was the other way around there would be no talk of his mental health and how we should be more understanding or think of how he got to this place.
|
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"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it."
What a dreadful situation
I hope you manage to sort it and have fun again
Not all women are like that.
Take care. X
|
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"It's a shit situation.
She probably feels like a right cunt having done what she's done. Stab in the dark.... she's been lied to by a "single" bloke in the past and got hurt pretty fucking badly and was, in her mind, dealing with the situation to find the truth. Her way of not being a doormat and standing her ground kinda thing.
Unfortunately there are people who do use "I've got the kids" as a cover story for a relationship, so when it's said for real it sets off spidey senses for the one who's heard it before.
Bad times.
But what is the truth to find?
OP was straight with her from the start, this was purely sex, two nights.
I'm concerned how people are eager to defend this woman and find excuses for her, because if it was the other way around there would be no talk of his mental health and how we should be more understanding or think of how he got to this place.
"
I'm not defending her in the slightest.
The truth as to whether she'd been lied to to get sex I'm guessing.
|
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"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best. Someone with her mindset would require closure. Tell her that you were happy with her at first and would have continued to meet with her but the weekends are your only time with your children, during which you don’t message people or anything of the sort.
Say that her turning up at your house was a bad move and something you can’t forgive. Say that it’s changed your opinion of her now and nothing can change it back. Say sorry it came to this but you wish her no hard feelings and be on your way. "
No way, I've just managed to shake off a guy doing this. Meeting them only feeds their fantasy that you are interested. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it.
What a dreadful situation
I hope you manage to sort it and have fun again
Not all women are like that.
Take care. X
"
no not all are like this.
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"Speaking as someone who is crazy who would do this sort of thing, having no outlet and being blocked would just amplify the whole thing and make me want to be even more crazy. Police threats or anything like that wouldn’t bother me or someone with a similar mindset, once you’ve crossed the line to crazy town and are emotionally invested, logic doesn’t come into play. The only thing that would work would be having all the answers and knowing the situation was down to my actions and not my looks or personality or anything else.
Thank you for your genuine thoughts, I does bring a different angle on the situation, even if it does scare me a little .
My worry about meeting would be that she wouldn’t listen, if she’s being irrational now, I don’t believe discussing it would have much effect. We literally slept together two nights and agreed it was just for fun. I don’t know what I would gain, I cannot see her listening properly, saying that I don’t even know her at all, and I don’t owe her anything I’ve not done anything wrong.
Just out of curiosity what would have been your next move, maybe if I can guess it I can be prepared for it.
If I was hurt deeply my next step would be wanting to hurt the other person, not physically but by doing something. If she knows his weakness ie his ex getting pissed off and possibly withdrawing access the that’s the route she would take.
Making her believe that there’s nothing wrong with her and she’s not being rejected it’s simply that her actions have changed how you view her and you can’t change it back she has to take responsibility for that and she would. She’ll blame herself but knowing that it’s not actually her and more something she did she will know not to do something like that with anyone else. "
They had two nights of shagging ffs, he told her he wasn't up fora relationship. Women like this need to take responsibility for their actions. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I had a friend with mental health problems and became a " nuisence" to a woman and the police where called and he got sectioned for 6 months and what he did wasnt as bad as this women"
You don't get sectioned for criminality, you get sectioned because you have mental health issues. They must have been quite bad, that's a long period of section these days. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best. Someone with her mindset would require closure. Tell her that you were happy with her at first and would have continued to meet with her but the weekends are your only time with your children, during which you don’t message people or anything of the sort.
Say that her turning up at your house was a bad move and something you can’t forgive. Say that it’s changed your opinion of her now and nothing can change it back. Say sorry it came to this but you wish her no hard feelings and be on your way.
This could work if she is emotionally stable but I'd assume she isn't so any contract would be a huge risk. "
Ugh what an awful situation. I would absolutely not meet for a coffee. This woman is delusional and crazy only gets more crazy. Do not attempt to explain. She won’t hear the words anyway.
1). Tell everyone you know including work so if she attempts to harass or embarrass you it won’t work and you won’t worry about it.
2). You don’t need to tell her you have involved the police. Just do it. If she turns up get a restraining order. Word of caution. It’s not easy to do.
3) absolutely ignore everything. I’d bet a suicide threat will arrive at some point. It’s not your fault snd you can’t help.
4) diary and photos of every time she turns up. Even video or sound recordings.
5) insist the police take it seriously and get legal advice if they do not.
I hope it doesn’t escalate.
V x |
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Who’s the victim here??!! Op get the police involved. If she has mental health problems that’s not your problem. It’s not an excuse for this behaviour. There’s probably not a person in this country without some kind of mental health problems right now. Banging on your door when your kids are there! Ah but shes got mental health problems so let’s not upset her.
Sorry but wouldn’t wash with me, not where my family is involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best."
Good advice. A couple of posters here have invoked the film Fatal Attraction. Part of the anger of the Glenn Close character came from her feeling tossed aside. |
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Blimey OP sounds like you have met a true bunny boiler...she is acting really bad, you did the right thing chatting to the Police and making them aware of the situation...Maybe for the time being come of all social media and change your phone number and hope she just get's bored and leaves you alone. Just so you know NOT ALL LADIES ARE LIKE HER!!...Good luck OP..  |
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"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best.
Good advice. A couple of posters here have invoked the film Fatal Attraction. Part of the anger of the Glenn Close character came from her feeling tossed aside."
I don’t think meeting for a coffee is a good idea at all op. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best.
Good advice. A couple of posters here have invoked the film Fatal Attraction. Part of the anger of the Glenn Close character came from her feeling tossed aside."
Nope. Not good advice at all. The OP is not responsible for her behaviour.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
Oh wow. You’re really understanding aren’t you. Referring to someone’s mental health problems as bull shit.
I'm incredibly understanding when it comes to mental health, but it is bullshit when she shows up hammering at his door when he's done nothing wrong and he's with his young kids and she knows this. It is bullshit when she's getting deeply involved in his personal life when she has no right to.
Please don't try to make out like this behaviour is somehow acceptable just because of mental health issues. She needs to seek help, not have deep and meaningful chat with the guy she's obsessed with. "
He asked for a solution I gave it based on my understanding of this woman.
I already called it by saying she would have turned up at the house after having multiple text messages ignored.
I said that he had already decided he didn’t want any further dealings with her before she even turned up at his house, he confirmed that was true, I said she would have sensed it already hence why her irrational side was coming out.
I very much doubt the op said to her right it will be two fucks and then I’m done, hence why she would feel used regardless of him saying it wasn’t going to become anything serious.
Yes she needs help but the op was looking for solutions, I have the simplest one that would appease a troubled mind.
Yes he could go down the route of police and blocking and everything else which is a lot of ball ache and stress over something as simple as having a coffee and explaining/communicating/giving closure. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best.
Good advice. A couple of posters here have invoked the film Fatal Attraction. Part of the anger of the Glenn Close character came from her feeling tossed aside.
I don’t think meeting for a coffee is a good idea at all op. "
I agree. She has shown that she is unable to think/act rationally, so it's likely she will take it as further encouragement and it will make the situation worse. |
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"The solution unfortunately involves having to speak with her again.
A day meeting for a coffee would be best.
Good advice. A couple of posters here have invoked the film Fatal Attraction. Part of the anger of the Glenn Close character came from her feeling tossed aside.
I don’t think meeting for a coffee is a good idea at all op. "
I agree been in a similar ish situation with a woman not someone I saw sexually. First it was if I gave an explaination of xyz they could move om. Once it was given it was something else it was never ending. In the end they were manipulating me maintain contact. |
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"something as simple as having a coffee and explaining/communicating/giving closure. "
We're talking about totally irrational behaviour. And, as I said, in my experience the polite chat does not work.
Calling the police is done after blocking and having that person find you online another way. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
There is no rational solution to crazy. And turning up, uninvited, to the house of someone you barely know, is crazy.
The OP cannot fix it. It will go away eventually or escalate and need professional intervention.
V x |
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"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it."
The one girl you actually find on tinder and meet up with an she turns out to be a nutter. I’ve never met anyone on tinder but I guess you have to have someone actually match with you which never happens for me. |
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Personally if it was me.
I'd pay a solicitor to meet with her in a public place with a witness.
Get him to advise her in no uncertain terms that should she persist then not only will she face legal proceedings but also the police will get involved further and you will insist that criminal prosecution is pursued.
I'd definitely go back to the police.
I'd go to my GP and get doctor to write a letter for the police explaining the mental anguish that you are experiencing.
Maybe advise social services of her actions explain that you feel that she maybe a danger to yourself and herself.
If any more happens,got to local newspaper and name and shame her.
Get the police to speak to property owners to beef up security.
Change lock's,beef up security.
Change your routine leave at different times every day and arrive home different times.
Never the same route.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it."
Jesus Fuck!!
I commented on a thread about hotel meets, why many profilers don't seem to like them, and insist that you can accommodate. Yours is a cautionary tale... think I may change my profile off the back of this. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hey everyone, think it’s more of a vent this but wondered if anyone else has experienced it.
Met a lady of tinder and we had some great fun in my room, now I house share with my best mate, he’s no problems me bring a lady back (he has a prob with couples etc, but his house his rules).
Anyways seen this lady only a couple of times and strictly for fun, made it clear and both agreed. However she started texting me on a weekend I had the kids, now when I have the kids I’m 100% all theirs and don’t text, tinder, fab or anything, I have little time with the kids so want to make sure it’s the best time.
I messaged back saying I had the kids and text back on Tuesday (was bank holiday), low and behold she turns up sat evening at the door asked my mate where I was and that I must have a partner and cheating, he tells her to fuck off, but again she came last night.
Told her there is no partner and don’t want to see her again so would she kindly fuck off. Now she’s found me on Facebook, I don’t know how as I have a stupid name, then messaged my ex, again no idea how’s she’s found her, saying that I’m cheating on her and I’ve shagged her loads at his mates house.
I’m having problems with the ex, so this isn’t helping, but luckily she’s told her to fuck off.
I’m at a bit of a loss on what to do, I’ve blocked her on everything I can, I had a chat with the police just for advice and actually got someone that was helpful, but there is little I can do unless I want to start getting restraining orders, they can have a word but they have found this can sometimes make things worse.
Lesson learned I’m not bringing anyone back to where I live again, but just wondered if anyone had something similar and what did you do to sort it."
OP I’ve mailed you. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
That’s so scary guys. I’ve had 2 possessive mad women I’ve met and never again will I ever have anyone come to my home again. I had to deleted everything and profiles. I don’t show my pictures on any social or this site as I’m terrified they will stalk me again.
So sad how these people go all crazy.
I’m not amazing in any way but recently had to tell someone to bugger off and always point out that I am not looking for a relationship or anything serious.
I’m never ever sharing my pics on my profile again. I tend to get an AirBnB now if needed or meet at theirs.
Stay safe everyone and have a fun weekend |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm going to be very pragmaticbut hopefully helpful.
Legal def of harassment.
Course of conduct intended to cause harassment alarm or distress.
Breakdown like this.
Course of conduct. She has to be formally warned that her conduct is likely to cause harassment alarm or distress. HAD for short. If after being told this she carries on then its a course of conduct. No just a angry one off.
Intended to cause HAD.
Having been made aware she is causing HAD then there is a criminal intent. ( men's rea. OK I'm just showing off my Latin.)
But seriously. Course of conduct only begins after the police have spoken to her.
So if after being formally warned she continues. She can be nicked. She then faces 6 months prison. The question would be you attending court.
Whatever you do, do not get into a confrontation with her. This would benefit her no end. Just call the police in front of her. And log everything. Time dates what was said etc
I hope this helps. And I hope it helps anyone else going through similar.
While bunny jokes are funny. Stalkers are a serious shit. Which is why the law allows them to be locked up.
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"You owe this woman nothing, no explanation, no deep talk about how it isn't about her and you do not need to sit down and reassure her to make her see sense.
If this was a man hammering on a woman's door when she was with her kids there would be outrage.
If you were honest with her about it only being for sex, and you gave her reasons why you're busy at the weekends she is being completely unreasonable. And if you've only fucked twice then she's clearly very unwell and getting more involved with her will not do you any favours.
You can take a valuable lesson from this though, never invite someone you do not know well into your home.
I hope your future meets are much healthier than this one.
Yes but you’re talking from a logical mind and what to do when dealing with someone that’s rational and doesn’t have mental health issues.
He's not responsible for her mental health. And he shouldn't be expected to take on the task of dealing with her bullshit to make her feel better about herself. She's completely in the wrong regardless of what is going on in her mind, and he has done the right thing by contacting the police.
Oh wow. You’re really understanding aren’t you. Referring to someone’s mental health problems as bull shit.
I'm incredibly understanding when it comes to mental health, but it is bullshit when she shows up hammering at his door when he's done nothing wrong and he's with his young kids and she knows this. It is bullshit when she's getting deeply involved in his personal life when she has no right to.
Please don't try to make out like this behaviour is somehow acceptable just because of mental health issues. She needs to seek help, not have deep and meaningful chat with the guy she's obsessed with.
He asked for a solution I gave it based on my understanding of this woman.
I already called it by saying she would have turned up at the house after having multiple text messages ignored.
I said that he had already decided he didn’t want any further dealings with her before she even turned up at his house, he confirmed that was true, I said she would have sensed it already hence why her irrational side was coming out.
I very much doubt the op said to her right it will be two fucks and then I’m done, hence why she would feel used regardless of him saying it wasn’t going to become anything serious.
Yes she needs help but the op was looking for solutions, I have the simplest one that would appease a troubled mind.
Yes he could go down the route of police and blocking and everything else which is a lot of ball ache and stress over something as simple as having a coffee and explaining/communicating/giving closure. "
She is needy and demanding. Having another chat will not work but, feed into her needy behaviour. If it were the other way round people would not expect a woman to meet a needy demanding man to explain. She needs to be responsible for her behaviour. Someone like her should not be meeting potential mates until she has done some work on herself. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Just wanted to thank everyone for your advice and different insights, it was a great help and allowed me to gather my thoughts correctly and plan the next step.
I decided with silence and preyed it will be the end of it, and it looks like it’s worked, I had a fantastic weekend without any drama and hopefully she has got it all out of her system and that’s the last of it.
Ex didn’t even use it against me yet (although am sure she’s stored it up for later) so fingers crossed it’s just a lesson learned.
Thanks again |
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"Just wanted to thank everyone for your advice and different insights, it was a great help and allowed me to gather my thoughts correctly and plan the next step.
I decided with silence and preyed it will be the end of it, and it looks like it’s worked, I had a fantastic weekend without any drama and hopefully she has got it all out of her system and that’s the last of it.
Ex didn’t even use it against me yet (although am sure she’s stored it up for later) so fingers crossed it’s just a lesson learned.
Thanks again"
That's good.
Best of luck xx |
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"Just wanted to thank everyone for your advice and different insights, it was a great help and allowed me to gather my thoughts correctly and plan the next step.
I decided with silence and preyed it will be the end of it, and it looks like it’s worked, I had a fantastic weekend without any drama and hopefully she has got it all out of her system and that’s the last of it.
Ex didn’t even use it against me yet (although am sure she’s stored it up for later) so fingers crossed it’s just a lesson learned.
Thanks again"
Awww I'm pleased to hear this  xxx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Just went against all your advice
And enjoyed a leisurely stroll with a aforementioned stalker
Reinforced the fact that if this is an affair on her behalf I don’t want to be blamed for her hurting her partner .. who she obviously not getting on with
I personally am completely single and daughter moved out so don’t feel I personally hurting anyone my end.. however I lied and said you can’t knock because (my imaginary girlfriend may find out)
Sort of like her a lot now more that I know her situation better but fear I just put myself back in exactly your original statement above
On other hand you only live once(or twice)
My child isn’t involved in this though so would be only myself to take responsibility? |
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