FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Sharing is caring.

Sharing is caring.

By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

This is something I've read a few times and I'm curious (as ever) about it. If you're a person who doesn't want to share "your" person but wants to be shared with others - how does that work?

Obviously it will be different for everyone but does it sometimes mean that you expect everyone who shares you to only meet you? Or is it more the primary person you wouldn't be happy sharing? Why is it you wouldn't be happy for your person to be shared with others?

I've tried to phrase this as well as I can but it's not something I've experienced so clumsy wording might have cropped in!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve never been a sharer

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By *rGandBunnyCouple over a year ago

Rugby

I’m happy to share MrG but I don’t like to be shared.

B x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'd like to have a full on relationship with someone I adore, who also likes to watch (and direct) me fucking others

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I think that I know what you mean.

I’ve seen this type of thing be discussed a few times and it can be called hypocrisy, one penis/pussy policy, jealousy... the list goes on.

It’s usually seen as a negative in swinging circles but ultimately it’s up to the two people in the dynamic and if it works for them, they’re both in absolute agreement and it’s consensual, then that’s what’s important and it’s no one else’s business.

The issue is more if one partner is impressing their wants over the other person’s

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I’ve never been a sharer

Would that be with multiple people or is it focused on one person?

Why have you never been one? I'm curious Inca, not judging just trying to understand a bit more. x

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Liverpool

I care! I just won't share my food.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve never been a sharer

Would that be with multiple people or is it focused on one person?

Why have you never been one? I'm curious Inca, not judging just trying to understand a bit more. x"
Don’t know Meli. It’s always been either ONS or one on one relationships for me.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I’m happy to share MrG but I don’t like to be shared.

B x "

Ah this isn't something I've read very often on the forums! You don't have to answer (obviously) but why is it you don't like to be shared? You're just happy not being?

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By *luebell888Woman over a year ago

Glasgowish

"I’m happy to share MrG but I don’t like to be shared.

B x "

So you would refuse sex with a hot woman but happy to see your partner have sex with hot males?.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is the urban dictionary entry for "sharing is caring"

This term is use to describe a form of recreational social and sexual intercourse between consenting adults. Commonly consisting of male/female (or male/male) couples meeting with other males for sex and ongoing intimacy. It is simply being open about you sexual feelings and being adventurous about it.

So in this instance having never been part of a couple that indulges in an extra person then I clearly do not care to share.

In non sexual life I share anything I have that someone might need.

I do not share secrets though

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This is a complicated one....I want to be the only one (I think) however, I would like to swing with that person down the line with full swap...

I hope that makes sense

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I hate sharing, unless I’m there, and then I enjoy it.

I am very like Bellaseas, I want a partner who loves, adores and cherishes me, and he loved packing me off to have fun with others while he sits at home

For me, it’s not about the sex, I don’t mind about that, it’s about the intimacy, and the thought of losing my special person, it’s an insecurity and obviously linked to self esteem.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I'd like to have a full on relationship with someone I adore, who also likes to watch (and direct) me fucking others

Awww the little smiley emote at the end! Cute. So you only don't want to share if you're in a full on relationship?

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

I don’t like sharing. I am jealous and territorial.

Probably insecure too- I fear that if they meet other people, they’ll eventually meet someone they like better than me and they’ll stop meeting me.

But with me it doesn’t work out like that- I have 4-5 semi regular FWBs- I love them all, they are all amazing and seeing one doesn’t want me to stop seeing the rest, so I know what I think is not very rational. Same with casual meets, which are rare but do happen once in a while.

I am the most territorial with my main FWB

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t like sharing. I am jealous and territorial.

Probably insecure too- I fear that if they meet other people, they’ll eventually meet someone they like better than me and they’ll stop meeting me.

I am the most territorial with my main FWB

Territorial is a great word for it.

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By *rGandBunnyCouple over a year ago

Rugby

"I’m happy to share MrG but I don’t like to be shared.

B x

Ah this isn't something I've read very often on the forums! You don't have to answer (obviously) but why is it you don't like to be shared? You're just happy not being? "

I happy to be shared with other ladies but I choose not to share me with other men (they can touch only) and it was my choice and MrG would fully support if i ever wanted to change.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

" The issue is more if one partner is impressing their wants over the other person’s"

Yes but that's a whole other thread!

I'm trying to sate my eternal curiosity on other dynamics, how they work, how they come about. Also I'm bored so why not ask people nosy questions?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have absolutely no issue sharing or being shared.

We are both very happy for the other to explore sexually and have had no issues with jealously or one feeling left out, if that ever changes for either of us then we stop swinging immediately without question.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"This is the urban dictionary entry for "sharing is caring"

...

I do not share secrets though

Oh I only used that thread title because I've used up all my witty tagline quota for today and it was the first thing I could think of.

It's nice to know you don't share secrets! I'll tell you later all about my jelly fetish.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

" The issue is more if one partner is impressing their wants over the other person’s

Yes but that's a whole other thread!

I'm trying to sate my eternal curiosity on other dynamics, how they work, how they come about. Also I'm bored so why not ask people nosy questions? "

I didn’t read your OP with clarity before I responded anyway (rookie mistake). No follow up required

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

I have a few fwbs and i love hearing about what they get up to.

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By *emini ManMan over a year ago

There and to the left a bit

As TM said I think it very much comes down to individual dynamics within a relationship and what is agreed between those in it - it also takes open and honest communication and understanding by *both* people involved - if both are in *full* agreement to "share" or even "not share" or "only one half shares" or whatever that dynamic is then I don't see an issue.

The problems and hypocrisy creep in where that full agreement isn't there or one half demands it be one way (which I've heard said) or where one half is made to feel they have little choice.

Sharing can be a very fulfilling experience where full agreement is there whether that be both together, both going off and doing their own thing, or even just one going off and doing their own thing, but equally it can be very dark and foreboding when the balance isn't agreed from a place of equality.

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By *ea monkeyMan over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"I have absolutely no issue sharing or being shared.

It’s exactly this for us. We joined as singles and respect that about each other, that’s why we still have singles accounts instead of a couples one.

We know that every single day we choose each other, not out of obligation or a hundred other things but because we want to be there. That’s why we’re happy to share.

I’m not saying that other dynamics aren’t valid or don’t work, just that this is how we work.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm jealous but not possessive. I have no problem with a lover seeing whoever else they want but don't want to know the details.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"This is a complicated one....I want to be the only one (I think) however, I would like to swing with that person down the line with full swap...

I hope that makes sense "

It does make sense WQ - I appreciate the time people have taken to reply. You need an established relationship before you feel comfortable branching out so to speak.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I have absolutely no issue sharing or being shared.

It’s exactly this for us. We joined as singles and respect that about each other, that’s why we still have singles accounts instead of a couples one.

We know that every single day we choose each other, not out of obligation or a hundred other things but because we want to be there. That’s why we’re happy to share.

I’m not saying that other dynamics aren’t valid or don’t work, just that this is how we work. "

Yes I think it makes it easier in a lot of ways that we met on here.

Our first proper chat was about what we had both got up to since joining fab so it felt easy for us to be completely open with eachother.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I hate sharing, unless I’m there, and then I enjoy it.

I am very like Bellaseas, I want a partner who loves, adores and cherishes me, and he loved packing me off to have fun with others while he sits at home

For me, it’s not about the sex, I don’t mind about that, it’s about the intimacy, and the thought of losing my special person, it’s an insecurity and obviously linked to self esteem. "

While he sits at home.

So when it comes to others you meet you don't mind them meeting others? Do the self esteem doubts only kick in when it's with your special person?

I do understand the thought of losing someone special to you - it's a hard one to shake.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm jealous but not possessive. I have no problem with a lover seeing whoever else they want but don't want to know the details. "

I find that fascinating as im the complete opposite and want to know everything, for me thats part of the fun.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This is the urban dictionary entry for "sharing is caring"

...

I do not share secrets though

Oh I only used that thread title because I've used up all my witty tagline quota for today and it was the first thing I could think of.

It's nice to know you don't share secrets! I'll tell you later all about my jelly fetish.

Oh darn it I didn't mean to rain on your parade. Don't tell Rascal about the jelly fetish he will quiver with excitement

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd like to have a full on relationship with someone I adore, who also likes to watch (and direct) me fucking others

Awww the little smiley emote at the end! Cute. So you only don't want to share if you're in a full on relationship? "

Thats my ideal. Then being reclaimed big time

I'm happy to be a super hot couples unicorn

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I don’t like sharing. I am jealous and territorial.

Probably insecure too- I fear that if they meet other people, they’ll eventually meet someone they like better than me and they’ll stop meeting me.

I am the most territorial with my main FWB

Thank you for your honesty in this post! Territorial is a fantastic word, it definitely happens. Do you find it easy to try and rationalise your FWBs seeing others? How does your FWB feel about your territorial behaviour?

(You don't have to answer any of those!

)

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I hate sharing, unless I’m there, and then I enjoy it.

I am very like Bellaseas, I want a partner who loves, adores and cherishes me, and he loved packing me off to have fun with others while he sits at home

For me, it’s not about the sex, I don’t mind about that, it’s about the intimacy, and the thought of losing my special person, it’s an insecurity and obviously linked to self esteem.

While he sits at home.

So when it comes to others you meet you don't mind them meeting others? Do the self esteem doubts only kick in when it's with your special person?

I do understand the thought of losing someone special to you - it's a hard one to shake."

Sitting at home, yes, but only if he was happy with that, I wouldn’t do it otherwise.

A lot of it comes down to abandonment/rejection wounds, whenever and wherever that comes from, and the ‘not good enough’ struggle.

Mainly I think the ‘not good enough’, that there’s someone better etc. I’m not articulating it very well.

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By * Sophie xTV/TS over a year ago

Derby

There are a lot of people like that who want to be able to play and do what they like with other people yet won't or try not to allow a partner or even FB to play with others.

Some will even go out of their way to prevent them from getting to play with others without your knowledge and thats damaging to both parties as the lack of honesty is huge.

I can understand them not wanting you to have the intimacy with others, almost leeping something deeper just between the two of you but in my eyes if it's OK for one of you then it should be OK for both of you unless you both decide that you are happy with things being one sided.

For me thats a hotwife/hothusband scenario and not swinging per se.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

I don't want to take your post off on a tangent Meli but I've found this post very interesting and now I'm sat here wondering if I'm a bit weird because I kind of like the slight, occasional pang of jealousy. It kind of reminds me that my partners are desirable people and I get a slight pang of jealous pride. I also find it strangely comforting that I know they can have others and yet still choose to be with me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There are a lot of people like that who want to be able to play and do what they like with other people yet won't or try not to allow a partner or even FB to play with others.

Some will even go out of their way to prevent them from getting to play with others without your knowledge and thats damaging to both parties as the lack of honesty is huge.

For me thats a hotwife/hothusband scenario and not swinging per se."

I agree, it’s about the consent and agreement for both parties, and complete honesty about where you are and how you’re feeling.

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

"I don't want to take your post off on a tangent Meli but I've found this post very interesting and now I'm sat here wondering if I'm a bit weird because I kind of like the slight, occasional pang of jealousy. It kind of reminds me that my partners are desirable people and I get a slight pang of jealous pride. I also find it strangely comforting that I know they can have others and yet still choose to be with me. "

Not weird. I crave the jealousy pangs, totally get that as a feeling. Not pain inducing jealousy but a pull or slight jeopardy and then the sense that all is okay ultimately.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I totally get that and its the same for me but you put it better than I could.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Not weird. I crave the jealousy pangs, totally get that as a feeling. Not pain inducing jealousy but a pull or slight jeopardy and then the sense that all is okay ultimately. "

I wouldn't necessarily say jeopardy for me. It's more like slightly jealously thinking "damn, she's really hot!" then "well, I guess he's hot stuff so attracts hot women" then "and yet he's dating me!" *smug grin*

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

Not weird. I crave the jealousy pangs, totally get that as a feeling. Not pain inducing jealousy but a pull or slight jeopardy and then the sense that all is okay ultimately.

Maybe I’m weird then as I like that slight “crimony! yikes!” feeling.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I'm jealous but not possessive. I have no problem with a lover seeing whoever else they want but don't want to know the details. "

I like how aware you are of yourself - jealous but not possessive makes a lot of sense to me.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I don’t wish to be shared. I have no desire for it but I think I would want to see my partner in pleasure and for her to know I am enjoying watching her.

I would only enjoy it as long as she wants to be mine again afterwards, to ‘belong’ to me again, for want of a better word.

It’s all hypothetical for now because I will only know the reality of it when the opportunity arises.

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By *heNYCSausageMan over a year ago

Everton

"This is something I've read a few times and I'm curious (as ever) about it. If you're a person who doesn't want to share "your" person but wants to be shared with others - how does that work?

I've tried to phrase this as well as I can but it's not something I've experienced so clumsy wording might have cropped in!"

I’m guilty of this. I want the person I’m with to only want me, but then either share me with others or join in. I’m a greedy guy lol

Weirdly, if it’s a full swap then no problems.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"A lot of it comes down to abandonment/rejection wounds, whenever and wherever that comes from, and the ‘not good enough’ struggle.

Mainly I think the ‘not good enough’, that there’s someone better etc. I’m not articulating it very well. "

You've articulated it perfectly FA - you're worried that because you're not good enough for him, he will leave you if he met someone else potentially. Rejection wounds I get. There's little to no point in me saying you're good enough, you have to believe you are. I hope one day you do, well and truly.

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

This is going to come across as awfully selfish but...

I just don’t like sharing. I don’t have that temperament.

I could say that in a committed relationship I’d be ok with him just fucking me and me fucking who I liked, but truth is, I’d be a bit miffed that he wanted to share me. It’s a tad easier with nsa sex, you don’t become so invested in that person, so as long as I don’t know the details, I can blank it out.

I am fairly old fashioned, I just prefer it to be me and him. I find that more emotionally comfortable. The sex tends to be better too (in my experience).

I also have massive trust issues which have been caused by various things in my past, so it’s an insecurity thing too.

And before I get asked why I’m on a swinging site if i don’t like sharing, I’m not on Fab to swing, I was here to get sex whilst not in a relationship.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

Not weird. I crave the jealousy pangs, totally get that as a feeling. Not pain inducing jealousy but a pull or slight jeopardy and then the sense that all is okay ultimately.

Maybe I’m weird then as I like that slight “crimony! yikes!” feeling.

I think the truth is we're all just different shades of weird

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"A lot of it comes down to abandonment/rejection wounds, whenever and wherever that comes from, and the ‘not good enough’ struggle.

Mainly I think the ‘not good enough’, that there’s someone better etc. I’m not articulating it very well.

Thank you

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"There are a lot of people like that who want to be able to play and do what they like with other people yet won't or try not to allow a partner or even FB to play with others.

Some will even go out of their way to prevent them from getting to play with others without your knowledge and thats damaging to both parties as the lack of honesty is huge.

For me thats a hotwife/hothusband scenario and not swinging per se."

When people go out of their way/manipulate to prevent others meeting someone? Not okay. I do think dynamics are personal and the hotwife dynamic is clearly a popular one that works for some. Lack of honesty is never a good thing and it's unfair to a partner to not give them the choice to decide how they feel about something.

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

Not weird. I crave the jealousy pangs, totally get that as a feeling. Not pain inducing jealousy but a pull or slight jeopardy and then the sense that all is okay ultimately.

Maybe I’m weird then as I like that slight “crimony! yikes!” feeling.

I think the truth is we're all just different shades of weird

. "

Preach!

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By *aitonelMan over a year ago

Liverpool

Not weird. I crave the jealousy pangs, totally get that as a feeling. Not pain inducing jealousy but a pull or slight jeopardy and then the sense that all is okay ultimately.

Maybe I’m weird then as I like that slight “crimony! yikes!” feeling.

I think the truth is we're all just different shades of weird

. "

I'll think you will find that my shade of weird is perfectly normal. The rest of you are pretty fucked!

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

Oh I don't mind the tangent! It's an interesting topic and I enjoy finding out how others view and feel about this sort of thing. Jealous pride is a real thing! I experienced it recently and it was hot knowing they are still desired.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’m actually shocked at the amount of people who want to swing but don’t want their partner too.. genuinely thought those who were in relationships both played. Interesting.

I always thought this was a having your cake and eating it scenario, wanting the security and safety net of a partner, but also want the single life... but don’t want your safety blanket to do the same lol

Far too complicated for me this

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By *gent CoulsonMan over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

I would love to find a partner who be happy to share each other, I have had this previously, I was made up that other people found my partner attractive and desirable.

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

Im all about sharing. I really dont care who else people are shagging i have zero jealousy. But i also have zero interest in hearing about their other shags it bores me. I also dont talk about what i get up to with individual people with other guys.

They keep coming back so i cant be that bad and if they went off with someone better than thats how the dice rolls. I care about all my gentlemen friends but i can just turn my emotions off

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I should also add, I really want to be able to share and be shared. It’s a work in progress, a really long, hard work in progress!

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By * Lexi xWoman over a year ago

stockport

I don’t like sharing. I’m far too possessive and territorial.

My man is mine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t like sharing. I’m far too possessive and territorial.

My man is mine

This thread has made me feel so much better

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

"I don’t like sharing. I am jealous and territorial.

Probably insecure too- I fear that if they meet other people, they’ll eventually meet someone they like better than me and they’ll stop meeting me.

I am the most territorial with my main FWB

(You don't have to answer any of those!

About them seeing others- it varies in some degrees. With some I know it happens and it’s ok, I actually don’t mind. With others (it is just now that I see how hierarchical my FWB list is, lol

) I feel a pang of jealousy and with my main one it’s just feeling sick with jealousy

haha. So I know they can and probably will meet others, but I really don’t want to know about it. They do know about me meeting others though (I’m hardly discreet here on Fab lol! and they all know about the existence of one another) and they actually feel happy for me and get turned on... I wish I were that emotionally evolved...

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"I don’t like sharing. I’m far too possessive and territorial.

My man is mine

. I’m the same to a certain extent. Not territorial, possessive or jealous though. I just know I don’t want to share. If they don’t want the same or change their mind then it’s cool, let’s move on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm reading through the replies here and feeling like a dick lol.

I'm.sure no one gives a shit but I'm going to try to explain

Being shared at the will of my partner, does it for me . I have always felt this way.

Watching someone I love with someone else ? It's a hot thought but a bit scary too.

I need to explore this properly with trust involved .

All I can say at the moment is what turns me on.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

There's a quote I like that is about love primarily but it says about freely chosing each other. In my mind if someone freely choses to spend their time with me it's the biggest compliment there is. Likewise they can freely chose to spend their time with another, as can I.

In my current situation either one of us can freely chose others and we know we will continue to freely chose to spend time with each other regardless. So no I don't have a problem sharing.

There's always the risk in this scene that you could lose your primary lover to someone else though. I'm well aware of it.

I'm big on choice and freedom, I wouldn't want to take it away from anyone or have mine taken either.

Anyone is free to do what they want to and I wouldn't want to control that.

In saying that though there are some choices I would control like in the case of sexual health.

But it doesn't mean I wouldn't feel unsettled at times or worry that I'd lose them. But I don't own them, they aren't my property, they are their own person, freely able to chose what they want to.

But if they lie to me thats a whole different ball game. I'd rather know they were seeing someone else than not know. But that's just me and again it's up to them if they chose to tell me.

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By * Lexi xWoman over a year ago

stockport

"I don’t like sharing. I’m far too possessive and territorial.

My man is mine

This thread has made me feel so much better

Single - not bothered open to lots of different dynamics.

In a relationship - exhibitionist, love having sex in clubs and people watching. But absolutely no touching either of us.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

Maybe I’m weird then as I like that slight “crimony! yikes!” feeling.

So you're happy with sharing your partners and actively enjoy that slight erm worry? Jealous feeling?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There's a quote I like that is about love primarily but it says about freely chosing each other. In my mind if someone freely choses to spend their time with me it's the biggest compliment there is. Likewise they can freely chose to spend their time with another, as can I.

In my current situation either one of us can freely chose others and we know we will continue to freely chose to spend time with each other regardless. So no I don't have a problem sharing.

There's always the risk in this scene that you could lose your primary lover to someone else though. I'm well aware of it.

I'm big on choice and freedom, I wouldn't want to take it away from anyone or have mine taken either.

Anyone is free to do what they want to and I wouldn't want to control that.

In saying that though there are some choices I would control like in the case of sexual health.

But it doesn't mean I wouldn't feel unsettled at times or worry that I'd lose them. But I don't own them, they aren't my property, they are their own person, freely able to chose what they want to.

But if they lie to me thats a whole different ball game. I'd rather know they were seeing someone else than not know. But that's just me and again it's up to them if they chose to tell me. "

Would this be considered polyamory? Does it involve those emotions and does polyamory require them? I apologise if I’m simplifying the issue. It fascinated by it all.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

In my current situation either one of us can freely chose others and we know we will continue to freely chose to spend time with each other regardless. So no I don't have a problem sharing.

There's always the risk in this scene that you could lose your primary lover to someone else though. I'm well aware of it.

I'm big on choice and freedom, I wouldn't want to take it away from anyone or have mine taken either.

Anyone is free to do what they want to and I wouldn't want to control that.

In saying that though there are some choices I would control like in the case of sexual health.

But it doesn't mean I wouldn't feel unsettled at times or worry that I'd lose them. But I don't own them, they aren't my property, they are their own person, freely able to chose what they want to.

But if they lie to me thats a whole different ball game. I'd rather know they were seeing someone else than not know. But that's just me and again it's up to them if they chose to tell me.

Would this be considered polyamory? Does it involve those emotions and does polyamory require them? I apologise if I’m simplifying the issue. It fascinated by it all."

I guess it depends on how involved people are with each other and what the dynamics are.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I don’t wish to be shared. I have no desire for it but I think I would want to see my partner in pleasure and for her to know I am enjoying watching her.

I would only enjoy it as long as she wants to be mine again afterwards, to ‘belong’ to me again, for want of a better word.

It’s all hypothetical for now because I will only know the reality of it when the opportunity arises."

The hypothetical is welcome in this thread.

I don't think there's anything wrong with knowing you don't want to be shared in the slightest - you know yourself and your own desires better than anyone else.

The reclamation is important.

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By *acey_RedWoman over a year ago

Liverpool

"I'm reading through the replies here and feeling like a dick lol.

I'm.sure no one gives a shit but I'm going to try to explain

Being shared at the will of my partner, does it for me . I have always felt this way.

Watching someone I love with someone else ? It's a hot thought but a bit scary too.

I need to explore this properly with trust involved .

All I can say at the moment is what turns me on. "

Honestly though, if you found someone else who wanted to share you but had no interest in being with other women then you'd both be happy and not exactly harming anyone.

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By *stellaWoman over a year ago

London

Maybe I’m weird then as I like that slight “crimony! yikes!” feeling.

So you're happy with sharing your partners and actively enjoy that slight erm worry? Jealous feeling? "

No it’s yet more complex then that for me practically and currently. I need the same reciprocal feels to be shared and validated to get to this position. So if it’s just a meet and that’s how we feel about each other no issue sharing. If it’s a fwb and there’s care but not love and it’s balances then no issue sharing and if in a primary relationship where it was equally reciprocated no issue sharing. Because I find sharing hot and a turn on. My problem with sharing is when I’ve more feels then the level we are operating on, eg it’s just a meet but I want a fwb set up or it’s just a fwb and I want a relationship. When out of kilter I can’t share as the jealousy pang tips from hot to damaging. I hope that makes sense.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'd like to have a full on relationship with someone I adore, who also likes to watch (and direct) me fucking others

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I’m actually shocked at the amount of people who want to swing but don’t want their partner too.. genuinely thought those who were in relationships both played. Interesting.

Far too complicated for me this

Ha! That's a bit damning.

I think if the other party did want to meet others and the person actively/manipulated them into not doing so, that's not fair. Being able to openly talk about your feelings and worries and communicate with honesty is a good thing - maybe the safety blanket isn't too fussed about living the single life and wants to be a safety blanket for the other.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m actually shocked at the amount of people who want to swing but don’t want their partner too.. genuinely thought those who were in relationships both played. Interesting.

Far too complicated for me this

Ha! That's a bit damning.

Oh absolutely I have no doubts it works for people, I just didn’t know so many were against sharing but still wanted to play themselves, as long as all are happy then no issues at all.

But that mentality of wanting to play the field whilst having a loyal partner at home isn’t a new concept, and I’m sure a lot of people would love best of both worlds haha.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"They do know about me meeting others though (I’m hardly discreet here on Fab lol! and they all know about the existence of one another) and they actually feel happy for me and get turned on... I wish I were that emotionally evolved...

I think we're all different - you're no less emotionally evolved because you don't feel aroused at the thought of a FWB meeting another. Apart from once, I've not felt even a trickle of arousal. Happy yes but we're all wired differently aren't we? As long as you're not actively being a dick and hurting others, I think that's fine. Normal.

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

The Mrs has no interest in being shared sexually with other men(her choice) but will happily Domme them (including genital play). She also knows should she change her mind I would support her.

She is happy for me (Mr) to be sexual with other women, but as we rarely (never?) have a purely sexual meet our preference is for us both to be involved when double Domming women instead of me playing alone.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"So you're happy with sharing your partners and actively enjoy that slight erm worry? Jealous feeling?

It makes perfect sense Estella, thank you for explaining that so well! I love reading this sort of stream of consciousness as you probably know. Over feels can be a dick, you do need balance to have a hot jealous pang. I've had the odd not good enough green eye and when I look at it now I can see things weren't quite... erm balanced. Or secure. Difficult to explain. Anyway, thank you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm reading through the replies here and feeling like a dick lol.

I'm.sure no one gives a shit but I'm going to try to explain

Being shared at the will of my partner, does it for me . I have always felt this way.

Watching someone I love with someone else ? It's a hot thought but a bit scary too.

I need to explore this properly with trust involved .

All I can say at the moment is what turns me on. "

Is that in a submissive kind of way, being shared?

You aren’t coming across as a dick at all, it’s interesting, and we have a very similar way of being.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I guess its whether your relationship is defined as non-monagamous. And both parties agree.

My partner used to fantasised about this. Until I told her I'd cheat.

As her partner I want complete ownership. I'm like that.

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

One of my playmates is a single mono and whilst he is happy to share me he is not happy to share himself with others, I do find his mindset intriguing and fully support him with it, but I don't question him about it as I trust him to tell me if anything needs to change

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By *lap.n.tickleCouple over a year ago

sunny Manchester :)

Gives _eli a quick wave

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I'm reading through the replies here and feeling like a dick lol.

I'm.sure no one gives a shit but I'm going to try to explain

Being shared at the will of my partner, does it for me . I have always felt this way.

Watching someone I love with someone else ? It's a hot thought but a bit scary too.

I need to explore this properly with trust involved .

All I can say at the moment is what turns me on. "

You dont come across as a dick etc at all....in fact the opposite. Thank you for sharing so honestly

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"Gives _eli a quick wave"

Aww shucks you.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t like sharing. I’m far too possessive and territorial.

My man is mine

This thread has made me feel so much better

Me too...!!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Total sense and very well explained. I get it as I would probably be the same. If I wanted more from the person than they wanted from me and they were telling me about a recent sexual experience then the jealousy volcano would be starting to erupt.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

I find that the levels of sharing vary with the dynamics of each individual relationship, and what works in one will not necessarily work in another. The one thing that is always the same for me is that I am happy to share physically, but never emotionally...so yes, have sex with whoever you like (especially if I can watch), but strictly as a one-off, no repeat meets or FWB's,and I need complete transparency about when they're meeting others. If that makes sense.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I find that the levels of sharing vary with the dynamics of each individual relationship, and what works in one will not necessarily work in another. The one thing that is always the same for me is that I am happy to share physically, but never emotionally...so yes, have sex with whoever you like (especially if I can watch), but strictly as a one-off, no repeat meets or FWB's,and I need complete transparency about when they're meeting others. If that makes sense. "

It makes absolute sense. You're emotionally monogamous and ethically non-monogamous in a physical sense. Emotional sharing is a different beast isn't it?

Complete transparency is important to me as well - I remember getting upset with an ex because of the lack of it.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

I would have said I was ok sharing, in fact I did used to be. It wasn't a turn on for me, it wasn't something that got me excited, it was something I agreed to because I believed it to be "fair" even though I wasn't interested in meeting others, as I was not only told it was cool if I wanted to, I was encouraged to.

Now tho, I couldn't.

I got sick of fighting for attention.

I got sick of feeling insecure.

I got sick of having one day off a weekend every month or so to find out that date had already been put in the diary with someone else and instead of cancelling with the other person to see me (the "priority") he wouldn't let the other person down so I ended up feeling rejected, and then saw it all played out over forum threads giving me that extra kick to the gut.

So, damage had been done too deep and it would take something miraculous to make me feel any differently. Saying that tho, it's all irrelevant as I've learned my safe space is single and sex hasn't interested me for a year really now.

I'm thrilled for the people that enjoy it and are hopeful in relationships, but I worry for them as I know how painful love can be and how it can destroy your self esteem and confidence when they choose others seemingly over you. How they can use other people to manipulate situations and play people off against each other. If they've multiple people vying for their attention then those multiples will each be giving their best so it will feel like competition, like you have to be your best self, and you end up doing things you may not be comfortable with just to prove you're willing, that you can be everything they need.

Sorry... I went off kilter I think

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

One of the most interesting threads in ages

It’s funny very individual, and depending on the person we are with.

I don’t think even on an individual level it’s one size fits all. My ex husband would not even contemplate the idea of sharing in anyway shape or form. But I’d wanted to bring others in be they make or female.

Since then I want to be free to explore as any partner I have should also do the same, knowing that they want to come back and if they don’t then it wasn’t right. The idea is one thing reality another. I have FWB and we are all clear in lines communication always being key, changes in what’s or needs. Only once did I cross the line in wanting more and very quickly severed the relationship knowing it was never a viable option...the jealousy there was awful and I didn’t like the person I was becoming. On the whole I am not jealous and enjoy watching listen img to the stories, and reclaiming them for my own...

Physics connections with others not emotional that is for us...I’d like it to be somewhere I feel anchored and drawn back to....if that makes sense

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not in a relationship but I don't have it in me to share a partner.

I think my insecurities would make it difficult.

I'm not sure how I would feel if they wanted to share me either.

But I think that would be easier to manage

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This makes sense to me too, but what I would find hard, is if they are off with someone else, is the not knowing, not being able to see what’s going on. It’s the uncertainty maybe?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This makes sense to me too, but what I would find hard, is if they are off with someone else, is the not knowing, not being able to see what’s going on. It’s the uncertainty maybe? "

I inderstand that which is why having that open communication and trust. The foundations on which you’re building are most important...effectively what ever either of you do with whom be it together or apart is a wider aspect of the couple of that makes sense. If something isn’t right within the core either should be able to say..not right now...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I share but I’m not shared

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"I'm thrilled for the people that enjoy it and are hopeful in relationships, but I worry for them as I know how painful love can be and how it can destroy your self esteem and confidence when they choose others seemingly over you. How they can use other people to manipulate situations and play people off against each other. If they've multiple people vying for their attention then those multiples will each be giving their best so it will feel like competition, like you have to be your best self, and you end up doing things you may not be comfortable with just to prove you're willing, that you can be everything they need.

Sorry... I went off kilter I think "

You didn't go off kilter in the slightest, it was an interesting post explaining your perspective, what can happen in situations where one person tries to do something in the name of fairness but isn't treated with a basic respect.

Much like you, I know how painful it can be (and confidence destroying) when a partner chooses others over you and honest communication isn't there. You end up feeling like you're not that important, start doubting yourself. Doing something you're not comfortable with in a bid to keep them interested isn't fair to you at all.

However, I remain hopeful in my relationship with my fiancé. It can work and work well. I don't think there's one set dynamic that works well for everyone - earlier in the thread it said we all have our personal brand of weird. We do don't we? For every hotwife, there's a husband who is happy for his wife to be hot. Monogamy isn't a bad thing either. Sharing isn't important to have a healthy relationship.

Finding someone who compliments that and enhances your life is difficult but it's possible (your as in the plural, not directed at you! Being single isn't a bad thing).

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

Sorry... I went off kilter I think

Finding someone who compliments that and enhances your life is difficult but it's possible (your as in the plural, not directed at you! Being single isn't a bad thing)."

Exactly. We're (collectively) the first to shout "people are individuals who like different things" yet when it comes to the dynamic of a swinging relationship and one half just not feeling the want to share or know if they could without having a meltdown those same people are also very vocal in the "well it's only fair, ya can't have one rule for one and one for the other"

Well, yes ya can. Because they're a damn couple and it's not him and her.... it's THEM. They choose what works for them and who the fudge is anyone to spout their swinging rules are unfair? If it works it works and fair play to them.

Honestly Meli, I've come to the acceptance that in this life, my lesson is that I AM capable on my own and that societal norms as far as the fairytale and love aren't for everyone. That's my life purpose this time round, to show others if they have a good soul they themselves is all they need. That and understanding. Understanding that the spirit goes on and the love we feel we lack in this life will encompass us as we depart, and this will barely be a memory but the strength we draw from it will remain within. I don't believe in God as a man in the sky, but I do believe in the spirit/soul.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"One of the most interesting threads in ages

It’s funny very individual, and depending on the person we are with.

Physics connections with others not emotional that is for us...I’d like it to be somewhere I feel anchored and drawn back to....if that makes sense"

I like that, you're anchored to your partner... you both go off and have a swim and see the other pretty fishes and have a nosey around the coral reef, but return to each other

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’m happy to share MrG but I don’t like to be shared.

B x "

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By *eyond PurityCouple over a year ago

Lincolnshire

We'll happily share together, just not separately

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Never share a cake!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am single

But in the future Perrfablly with a single lady with my partner

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"One of the most interesting threads in ages

It’s funny very individual, and depending on the person we are with....

....Physics connections with others not emotional that is for us...I’d like it to be somewhere I feel anchored and drawn back to....if that makes sense"

Thank you Miandering, it really has been interesting hasn't it? I do enjoy reading threads like these - I'm eternally curious and the forums can be good for discussions.

Much like Lily I like the anchor imagery - it's such a good way of putting it. I do think emotional and physical sharing are two different beasts and I'm very much of the mindset that I need to feel comfortable and secure in the relationship before I could even consider it.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"One of the most interesting threads in ages

It’s funny very individual, and depending on the person we are with....

....Physics connections with others not emotional that is for us...I’d like it to be somewhere I feel anchored and drawn back to....if that makes sense

Thank you Miandering, it really has been interesting hasn't it? I do enjoy reading threads like these - I'm eternally curious and the forums can be good for discussions.

Absolutely.x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

This thread, and the offshoot led to some clarity for me, so thank you

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"This thread, and the offshoot led to some clarity for me, so thank you "

Oh that's lovely to read! I hope the clarity brings with it happiness.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"This thread, and the offshoot led to some clarity for me, so thank you

Oh that's lovely to read! I hope the clarity brings with it happiness.

Me too

. Clarity is always good, you can work from there can’t you.

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By *eli OP Woman over a year ago

"This thread, and the offshoot led to some clarity for me, so thank you

Oh that's lovely to read! I hope the clarity brings with it happiness.

Me too

. Clarity is always good, you can work from there can’t you. "

Definitely. I've done a lot of thinking on jealousy today, what it actually is, the rare occasions I've felt it and why. It's helped me understand myself better, what I will and will not be comfortable with in a relationship and why.

Understanding is definitely the first step. Possibly easier than putting it into action but it's a start.

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

"This thread, and the offshoot led to some clarity for me, so thank you

Oh that's lovely to read! I hope the clarity brings with it happiness.

Me too

. Clarity is always good, you can work from there can’t you. "

Knowing more about yourself, how you act, any triggers etc. is the only way you can learn how to implement any wanted changes in your behaviour, or alternatively at least you understand why you react to certain situations.

I have learned a lot about myself and my behaviour on my BDSM travels, and still have a lot to learn

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