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Do you think am wrong
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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My sister's fella has said a couple of times he is going to crack her in jest but I think it's rude and going to have a word later on when I get him on his own ! I would never speak to his mum/sister/daughter like that in jest or not and think even thou he's kidding he's not had a good track Record with women . Am I being over the top on telling him not to publicly show her up , |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have a cousin who permanently says negative things about his wife when in public...
It is his way of icebreaking, even with family.
Noone takes any notice of him, except occasionally to "joke" back at him... Because we all know he worships the ground she walks on...;-)
I would think hard before messing with another couple's dynamic...
My brother in law... a 6' scott, once joked that he would slap my sister... I kept the gentle smile on my face, caught his eye for a few seconds, then carried on joking with the rest of the family... To this day he's never laid a hand on her... Because it is not his style to do so...
Some people talk because they have a tongue in their head...;-);-);-) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On the other hand, I knew a man who though lovely to me, treated his wife like a piece of dirt (that's putting it politely) often name calling her things no decent man would use. One day I found out that he had beat her so bad, she and her entire family had uprooted and moved miles away from him. Very odd as he used to tell me that I shouldn't allow my ex to treat me like I did and should leave him yet he did that to his wife  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the other hand, I knew a man who though lovely to me, treated his wife like a piece of dirt (that's putting it politely) often name calling her things no decent man would use. One day I found out that he had beat her so bad, she and her entire family had uprooted and moved miles away from him. Very odd as he used to tell me that I shouldn't allow my ex to treat me like I did and should leave him yet he did that to his wife "
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. His gentle 'humourous' digs at her could be just their thing. Or it could be that he digs at every single thing she does. She may well know that he means he will do what he says. The nicest blokes on the outside can be the nastiest too.
I'd keep an eye on him. You just never know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My sister's fella has said a couple of times he is going to crack her in jest but I think it's rude and going to have a word later on when I get him on his own ! I would never speak to his mum/sister/daughter like that in jest or not and think even thou he's kidding he's not had a good track Record with women . Am I being over the top on telling him not to publicly show her up ,"
No way that's your sister he's lucky you don't crack him I don't tend to get involved in domestic arguments but when its family its different, how would he feel if someone treated his sister like that? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You obviously have a few misgivings about this guy so maybe get him to one side and tell him to watch his mouth. Hes maybe saying it in jest but in this day n age you never know. Things that are said in humour can certainly offend some people so if you feel a gentle word would sort this then it may put your feelings at rest.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Being a male member of my family I see it as my duty to look out for the female members of it and if some bloke, even in jest, spoke of giving one my sisters/nieces a slap he'd be left in no doubt that eating through a straw is not a fun thing to do. If it was my daughter then he'd find the North Sea very deep and he'd struggle to remove the concrete wellies I'd give him to have a swim with.  |
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have a quiet word.
too many people believe that they are just having a joke. violence is never funny and should never be the source of a joke. if nothing else there could be children listening who then think it is acceptable. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Being a male member of my family I see it as my duty to look out for the female members of it and if some bloke, even in jest, spoke of giving one my sisters/nieces a slap he'd be left in no doubt that eating through a straw is not a fun thing to do. If it was my daughter then he'd find the North Sea very deep and he'd struggle to remove the concrete wellies I'd give him to have a swim with. "
My sentiments exactly |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I would have a quiet word with and tell him any more wise carcks and you will be cracking him.
Thats your sister and as your friend he should respect her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"To the uninitiated what exactly does " crack her" mean
Well i took it as 'pop her one in the gob' or elsewhere! But you got me thinking now! Hahaa  "
I'm not so sure...as crude as it sounds, crack a woman also means spreading her legs and fucking her really hard which is obviously something you don't want to hear being a family member either. Perhaps a bit more crude but certainly not as loathsome as the domestic violence version. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's simple really. You feel offended at how he has spoken to, or about, your sister so tell him. You could add that you hope he is joking (if it means a slap) and it's pure bad manners if it means something else.
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you can do it in such a way that makes him feel small without being nasty just tell him quietly that you would appreciate even in jest if he wouldnt make cracks like that about your sister as it brings out your defensive side and its not nessasry to humiliate her in public and smile always smile x |
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"Thanks guy for all the advice ! She's my younger sister and always look out for her last time he said it she felt embarres but is happy with him  "
And a man who embarrasses her but is either oblivious or doesn't care needs a quiet word...
I return back to my comment about people who suggest that it's just a joke and who perpetuate distasteful behaviour or to cover up for knowingly being offensive. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Difficult one,personally if he has never laid a hand on her and treats her well it may be better to keep quiet for now"
Some people say these things in jest but would never dream of laying a hand on their partners.
I would a little word in his ear only if your sister ask for your help or you seriously think he would lift his hands to your sister.
Good luck OP whatever you decide. |
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By *phroditeWoman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
Couple dynamics and their specific in jokes are a tricky one - I feel if both parties are happy with the way they interact with each other AND it is not offensive to the audience... each to their own. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is a hard one, personally i have found that guys who do hit their partners tend to like it kept quiet, telling their partners to make excuses for the marks etc i would say someone who is joking about it and publically saying he will do it is not really likely to as if she did every turn up with marks its not going to be to hard to work out where they from
Saying that, if one of my daughters (or any other female i loved) fellas joked about hitting them i wouldnt be to happy about it at all
Its a matter of respect and even to joke about such a thing is showing no respect towards her at all |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is a hard one, personally i have found that guys who do hit their partners tend to like it kept quiet, telling their partners to make excuses for the marks etc i would say someone who is joking about it and publically saying he will do it is not really likely to as if she did every turn up with marks its not going to be to hard to work out where they from
Saying that, if one of my daughters (or any other female i loved) fellas joked about hitting them i wouldnt be to happy about it at all
Its a matter of respect and even to joke about such a thing is showing no respect towards her at all "
i completely agree im a gentle giant (so im told) but if 1 person laid a finger on any of my family they would find thats its not very fun being 6 feet under i would even happily go 2 prison 2 protect my family |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the other hand, I knew a man who though lovely to me, treated his wife like a piece of dirt (that's putting it politely) often name calling her things no decent man would use. One day I found out that he had beat her so bad, she and her entire family had uprooted and moved miles away from him. Very odd as he used to tell me that I shouldn't allow my ex to treat me like I did and should leave him yet he did that to his wife
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. His gentle 'humourous' digs at her could be just their thing. Or it could be that he digs at every single thing she does. She may well know that he means he will do what he says. The nicest blokes on the outside can be the nastiest too.
I'd keep an eye on him. You just never know. "
Calling someone a 'stupid f*cking cunt' on a regular basis along with various other vile names isn't a gentle humorous dig.
And I cannot keep an eye on him as he died about 8 yrs ago from a bad batch of cocaine |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally if someone was constantly making jests about me, I would have a word with them and tell them I didn't like it and that it was disrespectful. If it was about my family, I would tell them the same |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Guys who hit women dont always keep it quiet or secret sometimes they get to point where dont actually care anymore!! (personal experience). Too many people keep their mouths shut these days. I would always speak up. 1 tell him the behaviour is unacceptable and 2 let her know that shes not alone and can trust you. You never know whatgoes on behind closed doors. For one you already said that she was embarrassed by it. Just coz seems happy dont mean she is. Love can make you do strange things and let you put up with things you never would normally. Always say something!! You could save a life! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the other hand, I knew a man who though lovely to me, treated his wife like a piece of dirt (that's putting it politely) often name calling her things no decent man would use. One day I found out that he had beat her so bad, she and her entire family had uprooted and moved miles away from him. Very odd as he used to tell me that I shouldn't allow my ex to treat me like I did and should leave him yet he did that to his wife
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. His gentle 'humourous' digs at her could be just their thing. Or it could be that he digs at every single thing she does. She may well know that he means he will do what he says. The nicest blokes on the outside can be the nastiest too.
I'd keep an eye on him. You just never know.
Calling someone a 'stupid f*cking cunt' on a regular basis along with various other vile names isn't a gentle humorous dig.
And I cannot keep an eye on him as he died about 8 yrs ago from a bad batch of cocaine"
Think their reply was to op |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the other hand, I knew a man who though lovely to me, treated his wife like a piece of dirt (that's putting it politely) often name calling her things no decent man would use. One day I found out that he had beat her so bad, she and her entire family had uprooted and moved miles away from him. Very odd as he used to tell me that I shouldn't allow my ex to treat me like I did and should leave him yet he did that to his wife
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. His gentle 'humourous' digs at her could be just their thing. Or it could be that he digs at every single thing she does. She may well know that he means he will do what he says. The nicest blokes on the outside can be the nastiest too.
I'd keep an eye on him. You just never know.
Calling someone a 'stupid f*cking cunt' on a regular basis along with various other vile names isn't a gentle humorous dig.
And I cannot keep an eye on him as he died about 8 yrs ago from a bad batch of cocaine
Think their reply was to op "
Just a general reply really. I only had the post info to go off. To be fair I didn't know about the vile name calling or the fact that the bloke had died. (in the post quoted) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"On the other hand, I knew a man who though lovely to me, treated his wife like a piece of dirt (that's putting it politely) often name calling her things no decent man would use. One day I found out that he had beat her so bad, she and her entire family had uprooted and moved miles away from him. Very odd as he used to tell me that I shouldn't allow my ex to treat me like I did and should leave him yet he did that to his wife
You never know what goes on behind closed doors. His gentle 'humourous' digs at her could be just their thing. Or it could be that he digs at every single thing she does. She may well know that he means he will do what he says. The nicest blokes on the outside can be the nastiest too.
I'd keep an eye on him. You just never know.
Calling someone a 'stupid f*cking cunt' on a regular basis along with various other vile names isn't a gentle humorous dig.
And I cannot keep an eye on him as he died about 8 yrs ago from a bad batch of cocaine
Think their reply was to op
Just a general reply really. I only had the post info to go off. To be fair I didn't know about the vile name calling or the fact that the bloke had died. (in the post quoted)"
True but I did say that he 'treated his wife like a piece of dirt (that's putting it politely) often name calling her things no decent man would use'
As to not knowing he had died that was in response to you saying that I should keep an eye on him
But I hadn't realised you were more responding to the OP than my comment  |
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