FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Dad jokes

Dad jokes

Jump to: Newest in thread

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

Ivy posted one of the best/worst jokes about yoda a few days ago and that was the inspiration for this.

Dad jokes are cringy and bad. So bad they are good.

Let's see ... how about this

When I die I want to be buried with my record collection.

It’ll be my vinyl resting place.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) OP over a year ago

My Bluetooth speaker wasn’t working so I threw it into the lake.

Now it’s syncing.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *onkyLemonsCouple over a year ago

Nottingham

Finally!

Dad jokes would be my chosen expert subject on Mastermind.

What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste!

I call my printer Bob Marley, because it’s always jammin’

Been pretty bored during lockdown, so I decided to take up fencing.

The neighbours weren’t happy though and told me to put it back or they’d call the Police.

I’ve got more!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *mooth shaftMan over a year ago

Edinburgh

"Finally!

Dad jokes would be my chosen expert subject on Mastermind.

What musical instrument do you find in the bathroom?

A tuba toothpaste!

I call my printer Bob Marley, because it’s always jammin’

Been pretty bored during lockdown, so I decided to take up fencing.

The neighbours weren’t happy though and told me to put it back or they’d call the Police.

I’ve got more!

We need more

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Looking at the first 2 posts, is the thread where users come to die?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *elle xWoman over a year ago

Doire Theas

"Looking at the first 2 posts, is the thread where users come to die?

There’s going to be a lot of threads like this floating about for a bit

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

Why do women wear knickers with flowers on them ?

In loving memory of all the faces that were once buried there

Sorry I'll get my coat

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ooby birdWoman over a year ago

North West

More please

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've just peed my pants, hahaha

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *partharmonyCouple over a year ago

Ruislip

A guy went to the doctor with a strawberry growing out of his nose. The doctor said "I'd better give you some cream to put on that".

A man went to the doctor naked except for clingfilm wrapped round him. The doctor said "I can clearly see you're nuts".

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Do you ever slip song lyrics into conversations? Haha, no me neither. But I would if I could turn back time

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *it-of-AlrightMan over a year ago

South west

What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I used to be addicted to the Okey Cokey, but I've turned it around now, and that's what it's all about.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *red and daphneCouple over a year ago

in the middle

Husband turns to his wife 'my bum is really burning, i don't know what it is'

'ring sting' his wife says

Husband replies 'How the fuck will he know? '

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

An ex partner once asked if I'd ever be able to give up singing Oasis songs.

I said maybe......

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Purchased a new sat nav with a Bonnie Tyler’s voice.... had to return it though

Kept telling me to turn around..... then every now and then it’d fall apart

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *rAitchMan over a year ago

Diagonally Parked in a Parallel Universe

5/4 people admit they are bad with fractions.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Man to a woman he’s getting to know: “Have you ever been lifted by the fuzz?”

Woman: “No but I have been swung by the nipples”

Man;

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I went to the doctor the other day, told him I felt like a pair of curtains.

He told me to pull myself together...

I believe that joke gets a mention in the Magna Carta

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hisCharManMan over a year ago

South Manchester

Did you know that Stevie Nicks once turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner.

She didn’t want to be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Did you know that Stevie Nicks once turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner.

She didn’t want to be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks.

I'm writing that down for later

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Enjoying these very much.

I'll be tellin' em.

Did you hear about the studio reverb processor that played poker. Often went Hall in.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hisCharManMan over a year ago

South Manchester

"Did you know that Stevie Nicks once turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner.

She didn’t want to be known as Stevie Shatner Nicks.

I'm writing that down for later

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *drian HardthrobMan over a year ago

Worcester

*sets down takeaway menu...

Are you telling me a chicken has fried this rice?

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *athan 123Man over a year ago

rochdale oldham border

Got stung by a bee ?? last week

Yeah 3 quid for a jar of honey tad daaa

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *pellboundCouple over a year ago

Derby and North Wales

I rang the Indian takeaway the other day and asked if they deliver

They said no, but we do chicken and beef

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you know Stevie Nicks turned down a marriage proposal from William Shatner?

She didn’t want to be known as Stevie Shatna-Nicks

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Did you know the guy who played Captain Kirk has his own brand of underwear now?

Shatner pants

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *inister_SpinsterWoman over a year ago

North West

"What's red and invisible?

No tomatoes

Love this one.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

I broke a mirror the other day..got seven years bad luck...but my lawyer says he can get me five

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *yron69Man over a year ago

Fareham

Country police got nowhere in their search for a lorry load of stolen turf. Nobody would grass on the culprit.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *.R.MMan over a year ago

Norfolk

What’s long, hard and full of seamen

A submarine

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *.R.MMan over a year ago

Norfolk

Why do women’s knickers have a C&A label in them?

So they know which way round to wear them

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *elix SightedMan over a year ago

Cloud 8

What do you call a fly without wings?

A walk!!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *elix SightedMan over a year ago

Cloud 8

What do you call a cow with two udders?

Three cows

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"What do you call a cow with two udders?

Three cows"

That took a minute, it's late!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

How do you follow Will Smith in the snow?

You follow the fresh prints

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I came home the other day and saw 2 guys nicking my gate. I was going to say something but thought I'd better not incase they took a fence.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I was leaving for work this morning and some guy was walking off with my front gate, didn’t like to say anything in case he took ‘offence’

* boom tish *

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I came home the other day and saw 2 guys nicking my gate. I was going to say something but thought I'd better not incase they took a fence."

haha..beat me to it

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2 nuns in a bath

‘Wares the soap’

‘Yes it does.. doesn’t it’

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

2 nuns in a bath

‘Wares the soap’

‘Yes it does.. doesn’t it’

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Dropped a massive glass jar of mayonnaise on my toe this morning..fucking Hellman

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *aul DeUther-OneMan over a year ago

Sussex

Why should you not take headache pills to the jungle?...

Because paracetemol

(Parrots eat 'em all)

I'll get me coat

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *hesblokeMan over a year ago

Derbyshire village

"Why should you not take headache pills to the jungle?...

Because paracetemol

(Parrots eat 'em all)

I'll get me coat "

Don't play poker on the Savannah - too many cheetahs!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ockosaurusMan over a year ago

Warwick

What do you call a fish with no eyes?

A fsh

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ockosaurusMan over a year ago

Warwick

How do you make a sausage roll?

Push it down a hill

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ockosaurusMan over a year ago

Warwick

What do you call a deer with no eyes?

No idea

What do you call a deer with no eyes and no legs?

Still no idea

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

What did the pirate say on his 80th birthday?

Aye matey

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By * and M lookingCouple over a year ago

Worcester

I have a stepladder because my real ladder left when I was a kid

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

What do you call an Indian doorman

Mahatma coat

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *nkforthekinkMan over a year ago

london/fareham/brighton

I use to be dyslexic! But now I’m ko!

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I’ve heard a rumour that lots of Germans are stockpiling cheese & sausage in the anticipation of another COVID lockdown - in other words planning for a Wurst-Käse scenario

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What's the difference in a condom & coffin?

One is for cumming in.

One is for going in.

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ewfie02Couple over a year ago

Ayrshire

"Purchased a new sat nav with a Bonnie Tyler’s voice.... had to return it though

Kept telling me to turn around..... then every now and then it’d fall apart"

I bought the U2 version. The streets have no name and I still haven't found what I'm looking for

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *uke olovingmanMan over a year ago

Gravesend

What's the difference between a sperm and an ovum.... there's a vas differens

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

By *ewfie02Couple over a year ago

Ayrshire

I am looking for a rich widow with her own yacht. Send pictures of the boat

Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote or View forums list

» Add a new message to this topic