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The bad boys
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I came across something earlier today about behavioural psychology and it mentions how the "typical" woman is drawn to the malevolent and untamed male, and were using references in pop culture such as vampires, werewolves, billionaires etc. Hence why stories such as 50 shades of grey, twilight, vampire diaries, beauty and the beast etc. have become so popular in modern society.
They go on to say that to the "typical" woman, the untamed man is what makes it fun for them, to go after that beast and try tame it. Which i believe to be fairly accurate when hear the stories of girls being attracted to the "bad boys" only to have their hearts broken when they fail to tame them, and the rise in fantasy stories such as vampire diaries and their large female demographic
Any women out there who can relate to this? Im curious to see your opinions on the matter.. is it true among some women here? Are most women here different and prefer something else? Maybe theres a correlation in the majority of women on this site being different to the "typical" woman |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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So are there no women who are looking to be tamed and moulded, more than having that influence over someone?
Nevertheless, it's s an interesting concept. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So are there no women who are looking to be tamed and moulded, more than having that influence over someone?
Nevertheless, it's s an interesting concept."
There is probably lots.....but men cant be hooped with all that nonsense!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't think that's accurate. I think the "bad boy" just isn't afraid to show off more of their personality straight away and that's what attracts women to them. It's literally just because their first impression is interesting at the time.
The more shy and reserved type of guy won't show their true personality until they feel comfortable around a woman but in the first impression, they seem boring.
That's my take on it anyway  |
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I personally think that opinion is outdated and incorrect. Most women are able to differentiate between fantasy and reality and while certainly some will want a man they need to try and tame most of us prefer a fully formed guy with emotional maturity who's house trained.
Of course we want a man who's interesting and has character but life is too short for most of us to be running after a guy to tame him. Anyway if you're attracted to someone with a wild streak why would you want to tame it out of him |
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"No thanks. If I want to "tame a beast" I'll get a dog.
 . You can put them in kennels when you go on holiday too 
Board the boyfriend, take the dog with me  "
Leave 'em both behind to tame each other |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hmm interesting opinions, certainly not all women here can agree on the hypothesis which is fairly understandable as we are all different in our own ways. Ofc it shold go without saying that even a large demographic who will be attracted to "bad boys" and enjoy the thrill of taming them doesnt mean that they represent a majority. Maybe a larger minority than expected however might be the case
I for one am not attracted to that sort of man as i prefer them to be more tamed so i understand where some of you are coming from who are in disagreement |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"So are there no women who are looking to be tamed and moulded, more than having that influence over someone?
Nevertheless, it's s an interesting concept.
There is probably lots.....but men cant be hooped with all that nonsense! "
Agreed, when im in dude mode and have interacted with the untamed women, i just think "why on earth should i bother?".. the way i see it, the untamed male is like a wolf, you can do it but itll take time and effort and requires a careful touch, but with women its like trying to tame a tiger.. one wrong move she'll tear your face off lol  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Interesting. Perhaps they’re basing that idea on instinct. The beast is more physical, hence more likely to be a good hunter and provider for the family.
With the discovery of farming and the niceties that has provided to human development, other emotions and requirements have helped to quell that instinct.
Go back to cave dwelling and the need for the hunter gatherer again and I’m not quite sure an understanding and compassionate man is all that useful. 
I speak as one who would be an utter failure as a hunter gatherer. Thank you to that chap who first planted that seed.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't think that's accurate. I think the "bad boy" just isn't afraid to show off more of their personality straight away and that's what attracts women to them. It's literally just because their first impression is interesting at the time.
The more shy and reserved type of guy won't show their true personality until they feel comfortable around a woman but in the first impression, they seem boring.
That's my take on it anyway "
The bad boy easily sells himself (often as a clown) to a female and then they both run off and join the circus.
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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Untamed? Malevolent?
It's very early and it's a Monday so I'm sorry if it verges into waffling territory.
The prevalence of a particular type of supernatural creature (in this instance vampires) is often linked to a particular zeitgeist, rather than a sign of women being attracted to the ones who need taming.
Let's go with vampires; in the Victorian era, one of sexual repression, religion and poverty, the seductive lure of the vampire was even more irresistible as it was a contrast to the culture.
If you look at the 1920s vampires (Nosferatu etc) were depicted as foreign and designed to scare through being the "other", playing on the fear of society at the time of foreigners.
I could do this with zombies, werewolves, witches.... you get the idea.
As far as Twilight is concerned (never watched TVD), the vampires depicted in these shows are very much tamed - Cullen refuses to have sex until marriage, is very much against unnecessary bloodshed and killing, encourages the family to live off animals, can fight his bloodlust. His primal, vampiric nature only comes out to play when he's protecting the whiny one, his family.
50SoG was originally fanfiction of Twilight and follows the same premise - a very much in control man who loses that control when with a particular woman.
So if anything, it would suggest that the modern fantasy is to have a "good" man who is capable of having that "bad boy side", not the other way around. The draw is having that power to make someone lose their self restrain, unleash that beast - not tame it.
All that aside, I don't want a person who needs "taming". I don't want to change who someone is fundamentally, nor do I want a rather cliched bad boy - I don't think they exist and are as much of a thing as they once were to be honest.
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By *ermite12ukMan
over a year ago
Solihull and Brentwood |
Perhaps 'bad boys are a change from the norm? (Nothing to do with Norman Wisdom or any other kind of Norm.) and the female variety of our species, want to perhaps taste the grass on the other side?
I know I would prefer a bad/unpredictable lady to one that turns the light off every night . Which is good for the economy I might add but lousy for my libido. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So are there no women who are looking to be tamed and moulded, more than having that influence over someone?
Nevertheless, it's s an interesting concept.
There is probably lots.....but men cant be hooped with all that nonsense! "
I like my nonsense Mr Bants, thank you |
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"There's another thread about male suicide, a tragic problem partly due to pressures on men to be emotionally closed off I'd prefer men to be able to be vulnerable share it. "
... and able to share it |
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"Women want a man to grow and change, someone they can mold
Men want the women to still be the same as when they 1st met
J "
and if this is true it explains the huge disappointment many people feel |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Women want a man to grow and change, someone they can mold
Men want the women to still be the same as when they 1st met
J "
I disagree strongly.
3 of my exes tried to change me, whilst they changed themselfs, and all I wanted was the person I first met to love me as the person they met |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Women want a man to grow and change, someone they can mold
Men want the women to still be the same as when they 1st met
J
and if this is true it explains the huge disappointment many people feel "
Agree, bit of a general statement but id say a women wants a man to grow, they want the bad boy to care for them, settle down and become a father etc. its a project so to speak
Men still want the girl they fell for when they first met the one who idolises them, as the woman gets older, becomes mother for example theyre priorities shift drastically
And this is just a generalisation (before i get shot down )
j |
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"Women want a man to grow and change, someone they can mold
Men want the women to still be the same as when they 1st met
J
and if this is true it explains the huge disappointment many people feel
Agree, bit of a general statement but id say a women wants a man to grow, they want the bad boy to care for them, settle down and become a father etc. its a project so to speak
Men still want the girl they fell for when they first met the one who idolises them, as the woman gets older, becomes mother for example theyre priorities shift drastically
And this is just a generalisation (before i get shot down )
j"
It is a generalisation as you say but I respect your opinion .
I think that a lot of people just want someone they can grow 'with'. The people who cling to the stereotypical idea of women wanting to change a man and men wanting an unchanged woman are going to end up very unhappy or in serial failing relationships |
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"I personally think that opinion is outdated and incorrect. Most women are able to differentiate between fantasy and reality and while certainly some will want a man they need to try and tame most of us prefer a fully formed guy with emotional maturity who's house trained.
Of course we want a man who's interesting and has character but life is too short for most of us to be running after a guy to tame him. Anyway if you're attracted to someone with a wild streak why would you want to tame it out of him"
You’ve put it better and with less waffling than I was going to! I don’t want a bad boy, or a man who needs “changing”, I want someone (or would if I was looking) who is right for me as he is; who is a decent, kind, caring person with his head screwed on; who doesn’t need domesticating and doesn’t think chores are beneath him; who isn’t scared of emotions, etc etc. I want to be treated right. So no, “bad boys” have no interest for me at all! |
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"Women want a man to grow and change, someone they can mold
Men want the women to still be the same as when they 1st met
J
and if this is true it explains the huge disappointment many people feel
Agree, bit of a general statement but id say a women wants a man to grow, they want the bad boy to care for them, settle down and become a father etc. its a project so to speak
Men still want the girl they fell for when they first met the one who idolises them, as the woman gets older, becomes mother for example theyre priorities shift drastically
And this is just a generalisation (before i get shot down )
j
It is a generalisation as you say but I respect your opinion .
I think that a lot of people just want someone they can grow 'with'. The people who cling to the stereotypical idea of women wanting to change a man and men wanting an unchanged woman are going to end up very unhappy or in serial failing relationships"
Again, completely agree with you. I don’t want to change anyone, but in a healthy relationship you should be able to change and grow together. |
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Surely it’s the confidence of a bad boy that’s attractive not the behaviour.
A bad boy image can be a guy who’s taking risks and seems to not to be afraid of anything, other men, the big outdoors or wrestling bears (Think Putin ).
Would younger people see the typical ‘bad boy’ wearing leather jackets, riding motorbikes, takes risk and not afraid of anyone or anything. A guy who will knowingly confront others in an aggressive way and not back down to anyone.
But as we get older it’s actually a confident and intelligent man that is seen as an alpha male. Good job, empathetic, enjoys rough sports (more rugby than football) but leaves his aggression for the pitch. Able to deal confidently with conflict or the day to day pressures of life. Humorous in a Stephen Fry way rather than Frankie Boyle, with a good set of friends who are similar.
Isn’t this the new man that’s more desirable than the old image of the bad boy, who’s really just a bit reckless ? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Women want a man to grow and change, someone they can mold
Men want the women to still be the same as when they 1st met
J "
You know its very interesting you should mention that.. part of the psychological hypothesis regarding how men see women, its said that when a man sees a woman he becomes enthralled by them, as to them the woman represents the ideal image in their minds. That is why it is often heard about men who become emotionally attached at the beginning "love at first sight", only to grow tired and weary of the woman as they begin to learn her true nature. Which often leads to the men becoming unfaithful, going after another woman who once again enthralls them. And this can keep going on until the man finds a woman he believes to be the true image of what a woman should be after learning her true nature, essentially a compatible march for him |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
My first long term relationship was with a “bad boy”. He wasn’t a bad boy for long, Just needed the love of a no nonsense good woman who had waaaaay more patience back then.
These days I prefer blokes who are straight forward and relaxing to be with. I don’t need the stress of the Po-Po demolishing my front door at 3am because Dickhead Dave has got himself into a bit of strife to keep his hand in but has bitten off more than he can chew.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"There's another thread about male suicide, a tragic problem partly due to pressures on men to be emotionally closed off I'd prefer men to be able to be vulnerable share it. "
Yes this is becoming as serious problem, its quite well known in the field of psychology that a lot of men are absolutely terrified of women, theyre so fearful of approaching women and being rejected that the very thought of it completely destroys their self worth, that who they are and what they have is not good enough. Ofc this isnt the case for all men, many do possess a great level of confidence and self respect, but the "typical" is more often than not hesitant to approach women out of fear of rejection. Many give it up entirely simply to preserve their self worth and masculinity. Those who keep trying and keeo facing rejection often end up spiralling into depression and unfortunately lead to suicide.
This is also why there is a huge rise in addiction among men, turning to video games, alcohol and drug abuse, it becomes easier for them to essentially numb that pain they feel rather than to address and build themselves, to face rejection and take it on the chin. A real true man, the knight in shining armour in fairy tales, is often the man who can go through hell and emerge intact with his sense of pride and dignity
Its actually quite fascinating that fairy tales and mythology have been constructed to allow children to understand these fundamentals in human psychology and society. Once you deconstruct them you start to see a very clear truth to them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You give man 6 pack of beer and playstation he is happy.
Give a woman everything in the world she wants and she will still find something to complain about. |
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"There's another thread about male suicide, a tragic problem partly due to pressures on men to be emotionally closed off I'd prefer men to be able to be vulnerable share it.
Yes this is becoming as serious problem, its quite well known in the field of psychology that a lot of men are absolutely terrified of women, theyre so fearful of approaching women and being rejected that the very thought of it completely destroys their self worth, that who they are and what they have is not good enough. Ofc this isnt the case for all men, many do possess a great level of confidence and self respect, but the "typical" is more often than not hesitant to approach women out of fear of rejection. Many give it up entirely simply to preserve their self worth and masculinity. Those who keep trying and keeo facing rejection often end up spiralling into depression and unfortunately lead to suicide.
This is also why there is a huge rise in addiction among men, turning to video games, alcohol and drug abuse, it becomes easier for them to essentially numb that pain they feel rather than to address and build themselves, to face rejection and take it on the chin. A real true man, the knight in shining armour in fairy tales, is often the man who can go through hell and emerge intact with his sense of pride and dignity
Its actually quite fascinating that fairy tales and mythology have been constructed to allow children to understand these fundamentals in human psychology and society. Once you deconstruct them you start to see a very clear truth to them"
Hang on a minute. Are you saying that men's problems in this respect are down to the way *they perceive* women to be?
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"There's another thread about male suicide, a tragic problem partly due to pressures on men to be emotionally closed off I'd prefer men to be able to be vulnerable share it.
Yes this is becoming as serious problem, its quite well known in the field of psychology that a lot of men are absolutely terrified of women, theyre so fearful of approaching women and being rejected that the very thought of it completely destroys their self worth, that who they are and what they have is not good enough. Ofc this isnt the case for all men, many do possess a great level of confidence and self respect, but the "typical" is more often than not hesitant to approach women out of fear of rejection. Many give it up entirely simply to preserve their self worth and masculinity. Those who keep trying and keeo facing rejection often end up spiralling into depression and unfortunately lead to suicide.
This is also why there is a huge rise in addiction among men, turning to video games, alcohol and drug abuse, it becomes easier for them to essentially numb that pain they feel rather than to address and build themselves, to face rejection and take it on the chin. A real true man, the knight in shining armour in fairy tales, is often the man who can go through hell and emerge intact with his sense of pride and dignity
Its actually quite fascinating that fairy tales and mythology have been constructed to allow children to understand these fundamentals in human psychology and society. Once you deconstruct them you start to see a very clear truth to them"
I’m sorry, what? Are you blaming rejection by women for male suicide? Really? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"
Hang on a minute. Are you saying that men's problems in this respect are down to the way *they perceive* women to be?
"
Not entirely, there are many factors at play that cause a lot of men to have trouble when it comes to women. To say that mens problems with women solely lies in their perceptions is a gross generalisation.
Though mens perceptions of women does play a key role in how it affects social interactions over time. That is why in order to maintain ones own sanity when it comes to dating and building meaningful relationships, men need to go into them without expectations, to allow women to present themselves and their true nature as an individual overtime. Theres no disappointment, no hurt feelings, and from there a man can build a truer appreciation for a woman over time.
Much of my knowledge on these matters comes from behavioural psychology and sociology studies, i dont know everything, but what i do know is already being well documented within these fields. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I’m sorry, what? Are you blaming rejection by women for male suicide? Really?"
Its not the sole reason for the cause of mens suicides but it does play a very real factor in the bigger picture. If you dont believe me do some reading into it. Itll help you to better understand the reality of what men have to go through. And im not "blaming" women rejecting men.. im stating observations that have been made in the field of psychology.. by ppl who are professionals. Do you have a genuine counter hypothesis to this to back up any disagreement or are you simply triggered for feeling personally offended and wish to justify yourself by generalising it and accuse me personally for blaming women? |
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"I’m sorry, what? Are you blaming rejection by women for male suicide? Really?
Its not the sole reason for the cause of mens suicides but it does play a very real factor in the bigger picture. If you dont believe me do some reading into it. Itll help you to better understand the reality of what men have to go through. And im not "blaming" women rejecting men.. im stating observations that have been made in the field of psychology.. by ppl who are professionals. Do you have a genuine counter hypothesis to this to back up any disagreement or are you simply triggered for feeling personally offended and wish to justify yourself by generalising it and accuse me personally for blaming women?"
No, I don’t have a hypothesis. I have many years of being a woman and dealing with men’s bullshit reasons for why I should have sex with them. This is just another.
Oh, and if you know anything about psychology as you claim, you’d know that “triggered” has a very specific meaning, and this isn’t it. |
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I am sexually attracted to 'bad boys' but I don't think it has anything to do with wanting to 'tame' them. I don't look at them as a long term project
My husband could never be described as a bad boy though so I think it is just a sexual desire more than the type of person I would want to be with long term.
Kx |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No, I don’t have a hypothesis. I have many years of being a woman and dealing with men’s bullshit reasons for why I should have sex with them. This is just another.
Oh, and if you know anything about psychology as you claim, you’d know that “triggered” has a very specific meaning, and this isn’t it."
I do not doubt that you have had your fair share of mens bullshit.. ofc there are men out there who nasty, who behave inappropriately and im sorry that you have had to put up with that, nobody should. But being a woman your whole life doesnt make you an expert in human behavioural psychology simply relying on anecdote.
There are many female psychologists who have documented this.. suzanne degges-white PhD is one such individual who has written an article in Psychology Today that you can read through, a simple google search is all you need to do. Other psychologists such as jordan peterson who has made a name for himself in recent goes into great detail on these topics.
Please read up on such things before being so quick to judge. It may even help you better understand why men behave the way they do towards you, and how you can deal with better if it helps |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Can you point me to the particular article by Suzanne Degges-White that you refer to? Please don't post a link it's against the rules just the title will do. "
Rejection: When it hurts men more than it should
I also suggest looking into articles by jordan peterson, or youtube videos of his lectures if thats more convenient for you. Although he is a man that shouldnt invalidate any of his research and findings in human psychology regarding women as many of his clients are in fact women.
Ive read many articles on psychology and watched many broadcasted lectures, but ill need to find them again to reference the authors if you want further material.
I appreciate your willingness to actually do some digging on this matter as its become very annoying trying to have intelligent discussions on this site when many end up becoming brainless arguments started by ppl who know little on the topics being discussed, and would rather disregard the information put forward even from professionals in their respective fields than have an open minded dialogue |
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Can you point me to the particular article by Suzanne Degges-White that you refer to? Please don't post a link it's against the rules just the title will do.
Rejection: When it hurts men more than it should
I also suggest looking into articles by jordan peterson, or youtube videos of his lectures if thats more convenient for you. Although he is a man that shouldnt invalidate any of his research and findings in human psychology regarding women as many of his clients are in fact women.
Ive read many articles on psychology and watched many broadcasted lectures, but ill need to find them again to reference the authors if you want further material.
I appreciate your willingness to actually do some digging on this matter as its become very annoying trying to have intelligent discussions on this site when many end up becoming brainless arguments started by ppl who know little on the topics being discussed, and would rather disregard the information put forward even from professionals in their respective fields than have an open minded dialogue"
Thanks. I'll take a look |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"My first long term relationship was with a “bad boy”. He wasn’t a bad boy for long, Just needed the love of a no nonsense good woman who had waaaaay more patience back then.
These days I prefer blokes who are straight forward and relaxing to be with. I don’t need the stress of the Po-Po demolishing my front door at 3am because Dickhead Dave has got himself into a bit of strife to keep his hand in but has bitten off more than he can chew.
"
bad boys bad boys what ya guna do
What ya guna do when they come for you.....
Sounds like Dave wasn’t very good at whatever he was up too |
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