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Probably done before BUT
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Depends how close a friend it was, if it was an aquaintance i dont think id say anything but make it known to the person i had seen.
If it was one of my best friends i d say to the person, it would be better you telling her yourself befor i do. However, the only time ive been in that situation with a friend i kept my mouth shut and didnt say anything till after they split up |
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For me it would have to be a very compromising position, I mean unless you actually catch them shagging why would you assume so much?
A few weeks ago you might have seem me cuddling a women I work with, you go running off to tell my wife about this illicit affair you've just witnessed. When in point of fact the women was having a health problem and just needed some support... PERFECTLY innocent. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"For me it would have to be a very compromising position, I mean unless you actually catch them shagging why would you assume so much?
A few weeks ago you might have seem me cuddling a women I work with, you go running off to tell my wife about this illicit affair you've just witnessed. When in point of fact the women was having a health problem and just needed some support... PERFECTLY innocent."
I hear what you are saying - this situation left no room for misinterpretation unfortunately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me it would depend on if there are kids involved. If not then yes I would say something (why should your friend be with someone who is treating them like a fool life is to short)
If there are kids involved then its more tricky. I would have a word with the person doing the dirty and let them know I know and to say behave or you will tell the friend.
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Well that's different then, I read your question as a hypothetical situation.
In that case I'm with Diamond on this, I'd have words with the offender not the victim.
While I know we all tend to sympathise with the victim, often being caught up in an affair can create a tunnel vision where the perpetrator looses sight of what they are putting at risk (if anything) and the pain and damage it can do to the person they are betraying. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
To HotnHorny and Angie ... there are kids involved albeit slightly older, and I think the idea of talking to the "offender" might be a good starting point. Not sure if I will go as far as threatening to tell the partner but maybe just the initial mention might prompt something. Thanks guys and to everybody who has voiced an opinion xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Do you mean a close personal friend that you see face to face regularly, or do you mean a friend met via the swinging scene. Are you in contact with both parties.
Its a very delicate situation and one has to weigh up the circumstances. But however its dealt with, it should be with understanding and genuine and never accusary  |
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"To HotnHorny and Angie ... there are kids involved albeit slightly older, and I think the idea of talking to the "offender" might be a good starting point. Not sure if I will go as far as threatening to tell the partner but maybe just the initial mention might prompt something. Thanks guys and to everybody who has voiced an opinion xx"
I wouldn't threaten or actually tell the betrayed one (unless I was asked outright as I wouldn't lie), he/she may not want to know and its not really the place of anyone else to assume the position of morality police.
But you can certainly emphasise the fact that she/he will find out, eventually they always do! |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
In answer to the last three wise posts ( I am serious for once) I do know them and their kids well which makes it more tricky. Saying nothing feels not right, saying something to the "cheated on" partner does not feel right either. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I have been in this situation and alas both the cheater and the cheatee were people I knew.
I told the cheatee to lay off with the 'heavy' shit as the cheater was not in a good place relationship wise and milking it to their advantage was not on.
I told the cheater to sort his head out and decide what he wanted. If it was the cheatee then I would support him and remain his friend as long as he was upfront and honest with his partner because I wasn't willing to become privy to an extra marital affair especially as I knew all 3 parties involved and I had introduced (over lunch) the cheater to the cheatee.
He decided who he wanted (his existing other half) and they are still together.
I never said anything to his other half.
Whether he is still up to his old tricks is his business, but I am not party to them.
So, a somewhat selfish reaction, but I did confront it and that confrontation did make the cheater sit up and listen, at least in that instance.
I honestly don't think there is a right and wrong response despite what some people will say.
Each case is individual and I think you do what your conscience will settle at.
If you are compromised you have to make both selfish and educated decisions based on the unique situation you are faced with and how you fit into it. |
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By *phrodite OP Woman
over a year ago
(She/ her) in Sensualityland |
"I have been in this situation and alas both the cheater and the cheatee were people I knew.
I told the cheatee to lay off with the 'heavy' shit as the cheater was not in a good place relationship wise and milking it to their advantage was not on.
I told the cheater to sort his head out and decide what he wanted. If it was the cheatee then I would support him and remain his friend as long as he was upfront and honest with his partner because I wasn't willing to become privy to an extra marital affair especially as I knew all 3 parties involved and I had introduced (over lunch) the cheater to the cheatee.
He decided who he wanted (his existing other half) and they are still together.
I never said anything to his other half.
Whether he is still up to his old tricks is his business, but I am not party to them.
So, a somewhat selfish reaction, but I did confront it and that confrontation did make the cheater sit up and listen, at least in that instance.
I honestly don't think there is a right and wrong response despite what some people will say.
Each case is individual and I think you do what your conscience will settle at.
If you are compromised you have to make both selfish and educated decisions based on the unique situation you are faced with and how you fit into it."
Bussy, as always such a well balanced and wise comment. Thank you.
And on a lighter note... you aint just a pretty face, are you? xx |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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yup been in this situation twice.. and yeah i did tell pre warn the cheater that if he continued his antics id say something as my close friends deserved a better man than them..
they carried on thinking i was making an empty threat.. they are now single and my girlie friends have guys who hopefully wont mess them around.
cheaters to me are scum. end of |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Depends how close a friend it was, if it was an aquaintance i dont think id say anything but make it known to the person i had seen.
If it was one of my best friends i d say to the person, it would be better you telling her yourself befor i do. "
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I feel it is such a dilemma and of course, it depends on how close you are to (either of) them. As a friend you are damned if you do and damned if you dont."
Several years ago my hubby's boss was having an affair openly at work with one of the young female staff. I was personally good friends with both him and his wife.
Told him I didn't like what he was doing to her and that he should either stop or tell her, and that I would if he didn't. He said that if I did then hubby's worklife would be made a misery, so instead I spoke to the girl in question and said that she should end it, telling her that the wife was a nasty bitch (she wasn't but she wasn't to know). Fortunately for me, her dad found out and went into their workplace and blacked his eye for him.
I just made sure I was around the following day when my friend called and asked whether I'd heard anything about the black eye, she told me that he'd told her that this girl's dad had been in and hit him for no reason, to which I felt perfectly happy about telling her the truth, including the fact that he had threatened my hubby's position should I tell her and she went into the workplace later that afternoon and asked several of the guys there what had happened and they confirmed my story, so the husband never knew I'd told her. |
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