FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Profile help?
Profile help?
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Hey fabbers and fabbets, I see Profile help threads everyday...now if that person changes there profile based on advice....are they not showing there true selves? Or are they pandering to what they think others want to see? I get people want advice to tweek |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
If it's an honest request, someone thought that the photos they had we're what people want, their profile text was long enough or whatever then fine. If they're advised to change it and do so then that's why the advice was given.
But I do see where you're coming from.  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
I think it depends on what they do with the advice. If they follow every bit to the letter then no, they're not showing their true selves.
However, if they take the advice and use it as a basis to consider how they can change what they've written and photos they've taken to show themselves off better, then that can only be a good thing.
I'm not sure I explained that quite right but hopefully it made some sense. |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
"I think it depends on what they do with the advice. If they follow every bit to the letter then no, they're not showing their true selves.
However, if they take the advice and use it as a basis to consider how they can change what they've written and photos they've taken to show themselves off better, then that can only be a good thing.
I'm not sure I explained that quite right but hopefully it made some sense."
absolutely. |
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I always think that to be honest. Surely it’s not that hard to do a profile. I want to read about them not what other people tell them to write.
Always a private note for me that I wouldn’t be interested when I see those threads. |
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"I think it depends on what they do with the advice. If they follow every bit to the letter then no, they're not showing their true selves.
However, if they take the advice and use it as a basis to consider how they can change what they've written and photos they've taken to show themselves off better, then that can only be a good thing.
I'm not sure I explained that quite right but hopefully it made some sense."
Prefect sense and i agree. |
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If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process. "
Imagine asking the company that you’re applying to for CV advice... |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process. "
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV. |
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV."
That'd be your problem, then  |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV.
That'd be your problem, then "
I said less. Not none  |
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By *hesblokeMan
over a year ago
Derbyshire village |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV."
Depends what job you're going for I suppose |
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV."
Tbf you'd get every job you apply for though  |
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV.
That'd be your problem, then
I said less. Not none "
Well played |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
In response to the OP; I do agree that it can lead to a dishonest profile that is potentially generic.
I’ve said frequently that I don’t think that people should get profile advice beyond basic feedback. Part of finding your feet on fab for a single guy is working out how to sell yourself, make your profile work, etc.
In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well, how you can apply ideas and put some thought into it. It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you.
It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV."
Friends and family, yes. Not the other applicants for the position... |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV.
Friends and family, yes. Not the other applicants for the position..."
This is true. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I may be cynical but I usually see them as either 'tell me what what I need to be successful on here' which means you wont get a sense of the real them if they take the advice. Or a form of self "marketing' 'look at me' because no is noticing me attention seeking.
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"In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well"
It's not difficult to look at other profiles, no. What *is* difficult, though, is assessing what someone is doing well *when you don't know what "well" looks like*.
"It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you."
Asking for help isn't lazy. Should people who understand they don't know a thing just keep quiet, then? So the people who *do* know the thing don't judge them to be "lazy"?
"It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers"
Who would be a better choice? Surely the best source of advice on this is people who are *already* "[having] sex with strangers". |
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Imagine asking the company that you’re applying to for CV advice..."
Imagine there's only one company. |
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process. "
The difference is, you don't normally get to see everyone else's CVs, so the only way you can get ideas to improve it is to get help.
By looking at other's profiles, I'm learning what bits 'I' like or dislike, taking inspiration and then I'm tweaking mine accordingly.
My profile is still a bit shit, but over time it's getting better, but it is still very much 'me' and I much prefer that than having a tick box 'perfect' profile.
Having said that, I see no issues with asking for a little help. It's what you do with it that counts. |
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I used to offer advice to those who asked and used all the shop window analogies but very few actually take the advice they are given.
Last year two established male profiles and one returnee decided on a novel approach.
Instead of dressing their shop window and asking for advice on the display they smashed my window and stole the entire contents including pics and bio and used them untouched as their own.
I don't give advice anymore as a result. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well
It's not difficult to look at other profiles, no. What *is* difficult, though, is assessing what someone is doing well *when you don't know what "well" looks like*.
It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you.
Asking for help isn't lazy. Should people who understand they don't know a thing just keep quiet, then? So the people who *do* know the thing don't judge them to be "lazy"?
It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers
Who would be a better choice? Surely the best source of advice on this is people who are *already* "[having] sex with strangers". "
Taking my comments out of context is a bit off as my points require the whole post to make complete sense.
Part of the process (as you omitted) is people actually learning how to market themselves and how to present themselves in the best light. It takes time, it takes effort and if people can’t work it out, then perhaps that’s another filter.
Asking for help isn’t always lazy but it depends on the help asked for. Expecting others to do your emotional labour is lazy
Meeting people from here isn’t a right.
It’s not about being cruel or not helping a person in need, they’re not in need, they’re wanting to have sex whilst putting as little effort in as possible. |
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
The difference is, you don't normally get to see everyone else's CVs, so the only way you can get ideas to improve it is to get help.
By looking at other's profiles, I'm learning what bits 'I' like or dislike, taking inspiration and then I'm tweaking mine accordingly.
My profile is still a bit shit, but over time it's getting better, but it is still very much 'me' and I much prefer that than having a tick box 'perfect' profile.
Having said that, I see no issues with asking for a little help. It's what you do with it that counts. "
Great profile! |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Imagine asking the company that you’re applying to for CV advice...
Imagine there's only one company. "
You’re completely missing the point of my analogy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My profile has had a tweak, but only because it was pretty sparse, I think if you’re not getting any views it the occasional wink it’s right to check out your profile.
I’ve no cock pics on show, they’re all my clothed. Not because I’m a prude, I’m ex army and been in the Mess drinking many times when someone shouts naked Bar!
But I like my pics.
If you’re engaging with people on here and they message back regular I’d say it’s definitely not your patter!
But if it’s the opposite then look at how you engage in chat. There’s a few intelligent guys on here and there patter and chat is great. And have great profiles, me! I’m not that intelligent but I engage in chat regular, Christ I’m infantry! As long as You didn’t eat the crayon while doing my aptitude test you’d pass  .
I think what I’m trying to say in a long ass way
Is be yourself, check out other people’s profiles but tweak yours to suit you. A few pics not all cock shots, try and keep it lighthearted and not to long.
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
The difference is, you don't normally get to see everyone else's CVs, so the only way you can get ideas to improve it is to get help.
By looking at other's profiles, I'm learning what bits 'I' like or dislike, taking inspiration and then I'm tweaking mine accordingly.
My profile is still a bit shit, but over time it's getting better, but it is still very much 'me' and I much prefer that than having a tick box 'perfect' profile.
Having said that, I see no issues with asking for a little help. It's what you do with it that counts.
Great profile!"
 thank you |
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You can present a true picture of yourself in different ways. Some are good, some are bad.
If somebody's profile says only "Looking for fun", and has a gallery of a dingle cock close-up, that's not going to do them much good.
If that person takes advice and puts in some stuff about his interests, is more specific about, throws in some humourous comments, and adds a variety of photos showing how he presents himself, it's a different presentation of himself but can be equally as honest before he followed the advice. |
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By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
The words "no dickheads" appear on many profiles or words to that effect along with instructions on how a guy should approach the recipient of their messages. Which guy is going to consider themselves a dickhead and therefore not message the profile in question? |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Writing a profile and writing a CV actually aren't that far off.... they are both about selling yourself to your target audience.
I don't know about anyone else, but any time I have written a CV in the past I've always asked others to have a look and give me feedback.
Of course, with the CV I only ask friends or family and they can be really harsh.... and I tend to put less boob and arse pictures in with my CV."
I understand that but if a person is written something that they enjoy and it's about them and so on wouldn't this be the key rather than asking people because it's like what they are looking for and any person should be able to this little task to attract someone's attention otherwise even the meet and everything else could go wrong as well be one's self and do what the brain is advising and if need be make few changes |
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"If you don't ask for feedback, people think you have a shit profile.
If you do ask for feedback, people think you're "not showing your true self".
Can't win. Imagine applying those standards to someone's CV-writing process.
Imagine asking the company that you’re applying to for CV advice...
Imagine there's only one company.
You’re completely missing the point of my analogy"
Am I missing the point of your analogy, or am I just disagreeing with it? |
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"In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well
It's not difficult to look at other profiles, no. What *is* difficult, though, is assessing what someone is doing well *when you don't know what "well" looks like*.
It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you.
Asking for help isn't lazy. Should people who understand they don't know a thing just keep quiet, then? So the people who *do* know the thing don't judge them to be "lazy"?
It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers
Who would be a better choice? Surely the best source of advice on this is people who are *already* "[having] sex with strangers".
Taking my comments out of context is a bit off as my points require the whole post to make complete sense.
Part of the process (as you omitted) is people actually learning how to market themselves and how to present themselves in the best light. It takes time, it takes effort and if people can’t work it out, then perhaps that’s another filter.
Asking for help isn’t always lazy but it depends on the help asked for. Expecting others to do your emotional labour is lazy
Meeting people from here isn’t a right.
It’s not about being cruel or not helping a person in need, they’re not in need, they’re wanting to have sex whilst putting as little effort in as possible."
Please rest assured your comments were not taken out of context. Only quoting the bits of someone else's message that you're specifically responding to is perfectly normal and acceptable on every other forum I've ever participated in. It's both clearer and reduces the sheer amount of scrolling other users have to do on messageboard as antiquated as this one. No collapsible quotes, no usernames appended to quotes... Fab really does seem to be about twenty years behind on this stuff. Which makes it seem doubly strange to me that people are so sensitive about it. I'll try to remember not to do it going forward.
People ask for help because they can't work it out for themselves. How long do they have to batter away at something with no success before they're allowed to ask for feedback? Or is it a case of "Fuck 'em if they can't figure it out"?
Asking for help is not *expecting* anyone to do anything. Nothing to stop people scrolling on by past the request for assistance.
What qualifies you to decide whether someone is in need of help or not? |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well
It's not difficult to look at other profiles, no. What *is* difficult, though, is assessing what someone is doing well *when you don't know what "well" looks like*.
It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you.
Asking for help isn't lazy. Should people who understand they don't know a thing just keep quiet, then? So the people who *do* know the thing don't judge them to be "lazy"?
It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers
Who would be a better choice? Surely the best source of advice on this is people who are *already* "[having] sex with strangers".
Taking my comments out of context is a bit off as my points require the whole post to make complete sense.
Part of the process (as you omitted) is people actually learning how to market themselves and how to present themselves in the best light. It takes time, it takes effort and if people can’t work it out, then perhaps that’s another filter.
Asking for help isn’t always lazy but it depends on the help asked for. Expecting others to do your emotional labour is lazy
Meeting people from here isn’t a right.
It’s not about being cruel or not helping a person in need, they’re not in need, they’re wanting to have sex whilst putting as little effort in as possible.
Please rest assured your comments were not taken out of context. Only quoting the bits of someone else's message that you're specifically responding to is perfectly normal and acceptable on every other forum I've ever participated in. It's both clearer and reduces the sheer amount of scrolling other users have to do on messageboard as antiquated as this one. No collapsible quotes, no usernames appended to quotes... Fab really does seem to be about twenty years behind on this stuff. Which makes it seem doubly strange to me that people are so sensitive about it. I'll try to remember not to do it going forward.
People ask for help because they can't work it out for themselves. How long do they have to batter away at something with no success before they're allowed to ask for feedback? Or is it a case of "Fuck 'em if they can't figure it out"?
Asking for help is not *expecting* anyone to do anything. Nothing to stop people scrolling on by past the request for assistance.
What qualifies you to decide whether someone is in need of help or not? "
As I said; meeting people from fab isn’t a right. If someone can’t do it on their own then why should it be up to others to aid them?
It’s not cruel to tell someone to work it out for themselves. This isn’t a life or death situation.
If someone is lacking the social skills to write something attractive about themselves or the ability to work out how to learn, then perhaps they shouldn’t be meeting anyone.
The question isn’t what makes me qualified to decide, it’s why should people be helped? |
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"In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well
It's not difficult to look at other profiles, no. What *is* difficult, though, is assessing what someone is doing well *when you don't know what "well" looks like*.
It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you.
Asking for help isn't lazy. Should people who understand they don't know a thing just keep quiet, then? So the people who *do* know the thing don't judge them to be "lazy"?
It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers
Who would be a better choice? Surely the best source of advice on this is people who are *already* "[having] sex with strangers".
Taking my comments out of context is a bit off as my points require the whole post to make complete sense.
Part of the process (as you omitted) is people actually learning how to market themselves and how to present themselves in the best light. It takes time, it takes effort and if people can’t work it out, then perhaps that’s another filter.
Asking for help isn’t always lazy but it depends on the help asked for. Expecting others to do your emotional labour is lazy
Meeting people from here isn’t a right.
It’s not about being cruel or not helping a person in need, they’re not in need, they’re wanting to have sex whilst putting as little effort in as possible.
Please rest assured your comments were not taken out of context. Only quoting the bits of someone else's message that you're specifically responding to is perfectly normal and acceptable on every other forum I've ever participated in. It's both clearer and reduces the sheer amount of scrolling other users have to do on messageboard as antiquated as this one. No collapsible quotes, no usernames appended to quotes... Fab really does seem to be about twenty years behind on this stuff. Which makes it seem doubly strange to me that people are so sensitive about it. I'll try to remember not to do it going forward.
People ask for help because they can't work it out for themselves. How long do they have to batter away at something with no success before they're allowed to ask for feedback? Or is it a case of "Fuck 'em if they can't figure it out"?
Asking for help is not *expecting* anyone to do anything. Nothing to stop people scrolling on by past the request for assistance.
What qualifies you to decide whether someone is in need of help or not?
As I said; meeting people from fab isn’t a right. If someone can’t do it on their own then why should it be up to others to aid them?
It’s not cruel to tell someone to work it out for themselves. This isn’t a life or death situation.
If someone is lacking the social skills to write something attractive about themselves or the ability to work out how to learn, then perhaps they shouldn’t be meeting anyone.
The question isn’t what makes me qualified to decide, it’s why should people be helped? "
Nobody is saying it's a right. And it's not up to anyone to help them. If you don't like the requests for assistance, scroll on by.
No, it's not a life or death situation, but then nobody is claiming it is.
Someone asks for help or advice, and the response is "Figure it out for yourself"? Sounds pretty cruel to me.
How is anyone supposed to know how to "write something attractive about themselves" without being told? How is someone even supposed to judge what their attractive qualities are without outside input?
The question absolutely *is* what makes you qualified to decide. That's why I asked it.
Why should people be helped? Because humans are a cooperative species. It's our superpower. It's what all progress and achievement and civilisation is based upon. "I've got mine and fuck everyone else" is a pretty noxious and destructive way of thinking.
Don't want to do the helping yourself? Fine, scroll on by. But decrying the whole idea, and suggesting people reaching out for support shouldn't get it at all from any source? Not cool. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well
It's not difficult to look at other profiles, no. What *is* difficult, though, is assessing what someone is doing well *when you don't know what "well" looks like*.
It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you.
Asking for help isn't lazy. Should people who understand they don't know a thing just keep quiet, then? So the people who *do* know the thing don't judge them to be "lazy"?
It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers
Who would be a better choice? Surely the best source of advice on this is people who are *already* "[having] sex with strangers".
Taking my comments out of context is a bit off as my points require the whole post to make complete sense.
Part of the process (as you omitted) is people actually learning how to market themselves and how to present themselves in the best light. It takes time, it takes effort and if people can’t work it out, then perhaps that’s another filter.
Asking for help isn’t always lazy but it depends on the help asked for. Expecting others to do your emotional labour is lazy
Meeting people from here isn’t a right.
It’s not about being cruel or not helping a person in need, they’re not in need, they’re wanting to have sex whilst putting as little effort in as possible.
Please rest assured your comments were not taken out of context. Only quoting the bits of someone else's message that you're specifically responding to is perfectly normal and acceptable on every other forum I've ever participated in. It's both clearer and reduces the sheer amount of scrolling other users have to do on messageboard as antiquated as this one. No collapsible quotes, no usernames appended to quotes... Fab really does seem to be about twenty years behind on this stuff. Which makes it seem doubly strange to me that people are so sensitive about it. I'll try to remember not to do it going forward.
People ask for help because they can't work it out for themselves. How long do they have to batter away at something with no success before they're allowed to ask for feedback? Or is it a case of "Fuck 'em if they can't figure it out"?
Asking for help is not *expecting* anyone to do anything. Nothing to stop people scrolling on by past the request for assistance.
What qualifies you to decide whether someone is in need of help or not?
As I said; meeting people from fab isn’t a right. If someone can’t do it on their own then why should it be up to others to aid them?
It’s not cruel to tell someone to work it out for themselves. This isn’t a life or death situation.
If someone is lacking the social skills to write something attractive about themselves or the ability to work out how to learn, then perhaps they shouldn’t be meeting anyone.
The question isn’t what makes me qualified to decide, it’s why should people be helped?
Nobody is saying it's a right. And it's not up to anyone to help them. If you don't like the requests for assistance, scroll on by.
No, it's not a life or death situation, but then nobody is claiming it is.
Someone asks for help or advice, and the response is "Figure it out for yourself"? Sounds pretty cruel to me.
How is anyone supposed to know how to "write something attractive about themselves" without being told? How is someone even supposed to judge what their attractive qualities are without outside input?
The question absolutely *is* what makes you qualified to decide. That's why I asked it.
Why should people be helped? Because humans are a cooperative species. It's our superpower. It's what all progress and achievement and civilisation is based upon. "I've got mine and fuck everyone else" is a pretty noxious and destructive way of thinking.
Don't want to do the helping yourself? Fine, scroll on by. But decrying the whole idea, and suggesting people reaching out for support shouldn't get it at all from any source? Not cool."
It’s a huge leap from not helping a stranger having sex to not helping people in need.
I’m all for supporting people in actual need, giving someone a leg up to get their leg over isn’t supporting them though.
It’s not a case of ‘I’ve got mine’ it’s a case of I did it myself, so did others, there shouldn’t be shortcuts to meeting people.
Helping socially challenged or lazy people to meet others is quite a dangerous and noxious concept, from the view of those they’re meeting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In all honesty it’s really not hard to view a few guys profiles and see what they’re doing well
It's not difficult to look at other profiles, no. What *is* difficult, though, is assessing what someone is doing well *when you don't know what "well" looks like*.
It’s quite lazy to just ask others to do the heavy lifting for you.
Asking for help isn't lazy. Should people who understand they don't know a thing just keep quiet, then? So the people who *do* know the thing don't judge them to be "lazy"?
It does seem odd to me that a person is asking random people to help them have sex with strangers
Who would be a better choice? Surely the best source of advice on this is people who are *already* "[having] sex with strangers".
Taking my comments out of context is a bit off as my points require the whole post to make complete sense.
Part of the process (as you omitted) is people actually learning how to market themselves and how to present themselves in the best light. It takes time, it takes effort and if people can’t work it out, then perhaps that’s another filter.
Asking for help isn’t always lazy but it depends on the help asked for. Expecting others to do your emotional labour is lazy
Meeting people from here isn’t a right.
It’s not about being cruel or not helping a person in need, they’re not in need, they’re wanting to have sex whilst putting as little effort in as possible.
Please rest assured your comments were not taken out of context. Only quoting the bits of someone else's message that you're specifically responding to is perfectly normal and acceptable on every other forum I've ever participated in. It's both clearer and reduces the sheer amount of scrolling other users have to do on messageboard as antiquated as this one. No collapsible quotes, no usernames appended to quotes... Fab really does seem to be about twenty years behind on this stuff. Which makes it seem doubly strange to me that people are so sensitive about it. I'll try to remember not to do it going forward.
People ask for help because they can't work it out for themselves. How long do they have to batter away at something with no success before they're allowed to ask for feedback? Or is it a case of "Fuck 'em if they can't figure it out"?
Asking for help is not *expecting* anyone to do anything. Nothing to stop people scrolling on by past the request for assistance.
What qualifies you to decide whether someone is in need of help or not?
As I said; meeting people from fab isn’t a right. If someone can’t do it on their own then why should it be up to others to aid them?
It’s not cruel to tell someone to work it out for themselves. This isn’t a life or death situation.
If someone is lacking the social skills to write something attractive about themselves or the ability to work out how to learn, then perhaps they shouldn’t be meeting anyone.
The question isn’t what makes me qualified to decide, it’s why should people be helped?
Nobody is saying it's a right. And it's not up to anyone to help them. If you don't like the requests for assistance, scroll on by.
No, it's not a life or death situation, but then nobody is claiming it is.
Someone asks for help or advice, and the response is "Figure it out for yourself"? Sounds pretty cruel to me.
How is anyone supposed to know how to "write something attractive about themselves" without being told? How is someone even supposed to judge what their attractive qualities are without outside input?
The question absolutely *is* what makes you qualified to decide. That's why I asked it.
Why should people be helped? Because humans are a cooperative species. It's our superpower. It's what all progress and achievement and civilisation is based upon. "I've got mine and fuck everyone else" is a pretty noxious and destructive way of thinking.
Don't want to do the helping yourself? Fine, scroll on by. But decrying the whole idea, and suggesting people reaching out for support shouldn't get it at all from any source? Not cool.
It’s a huge leap from not helping a stranger having sex to not helping people in need.
I’m all for supporting people in actual need, giving someone a leg up to get their leg over isn’t supporting them though.
It’s not a case of ‘I’ve got mine’ it’s a case of I did it myself, so did others, there shouldn’t be shortcuts to meeting people.
Helping socially challenged or lazy people to meet others is quite a dangerous and noxious concept, from the view of those they’re meeting"
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If you’ve helped someone with their profile and pics then they’ve still got to talk the talk in messages.
No point having a decent profile if you haven’t a clue what to say to people. You’ll soon get found out...
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