FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Being ghosted or ignored
Being ghosted or ignored
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It is a shitty thing to do to someone.
I always tell someone if they have upset me
If I have lost interest for whatever reason
If my plans change etc
Been on the recieving end of ghosting and it is very frustrating |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"It is a shitty thing to do to someone.
I always tell someone if they have upset me
If I have lost interest for whatever reason
If my plans change etc
Been on the recieving end of ghosting and it is very frustrating"
I fucking hate it I’d much rather people told me the reasons for why they are ignoring me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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On Fab it wouldn't bother me in the slightest but in real world its an odd thing .. Im thankful for my good circle of friends who have been there through thick and thin.. Outside side can come and go.. It doesn't bother me  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It is a shitty thing to do to someone.
I always tell someone if they have upset me
If I have lost interest for whatever reason
If my plans change etc
Been on the recieving end of ghosting and it is very frustrating"
Wish the one chatting with me was as polite and considerate. 2 weeks then nothing. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
Happens to me all of the time, not just here but everywhere, it's shitty but some people just don't have the guts to be honest it they've got what they wanted from you and you're no longer of use |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Happened to me just today....to be honest though think I may have dodged a bullet. It is a horrid thing to do to someone, especially with no reason, knocks your confidence and you doubt yourself, perhaps people get a thrill from doing such a shitty thing? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Had relationship for 9m..3yrs ago..not a problem.. nights out days together.. then ghosted me.. Still to this day I do not know why.. guess I have to be the bigger person and say their loss and lucky escape for me |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Recently happened to me. Very annoying. If you're not interested, say so!
Having said that, I'd only consider is ghosting after a quite a lot of talking and repeated conversations over a period of time. Otherwise I'd just assume they were simply being friendly and then the conversation was over. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Never bothers me I'm always able to make alternative plans because I'm popular in the real world"
I don't think that's the reason people dislike it. It's because it's rude, not because we sit there crying and alone, unable to make other plans  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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ignored Dose not bother me
Being ghosted after a meet dose
Makes me feel like I was just used for someone to dip they dick in
If it was a one off fair anuff just say so that was I can just chalk it up to a grate one night stand
There’s no need to make people feel used |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Never bothers me I'm always able to make alternative plans because I'm popular in the real world
I don't think that's the reason people dislike it. It's because it's rude, not because we sit there crying and alone, unable to make other plans "
Then it shouldn't be bothered if people are able to in layman terms fk it  |
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One of our best Fab friends just suddenly stopped replying to our messages earlier this year. We had met, had video chats and messaged each other frequently. Then one day, nothing. No explanation.
She had found a new guy through Fab and we suspect she has turned her back on everthing to do with swinging, including us even though we were purely platonic. It's a real shame. We wouldn't mind if she just explained, but going silent is not a considerate was of treating people. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I don't enjoy being ghosted but it is what is. The reasons can be as innocent or as rude as you wish to believe. Just treat other how you wish to be treated and have compassion for ghosts |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Definitely rude to ghost someone. For me it shows a level of immaturity. We’re all adults here, if you don’t like someone or it just hasn’t worked out then just say. Best to be upfront than |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It's teeth grindly annoying and rude.
If I message a lady and she ignores it, Ok they get hassled on here.
If they reply and say not for me, fine I say thanks for reply and move on.
If they engage in chat for a few weeks, send photos and videos and then nothing. How many messages do you send without reply? That lowers your esteenm and confidence. What did I do or say or whatever. It's hard to convince yourself it's not you but them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Recently happened to me. Very annoying. If you're not interested, say so!
Having said that, I'd only consider is ghosting after a quite a lot of talking and repeated conversations over a period of time. Otherwise I'd just assume they were simply being friendly and then the conversation was over."
I'm the same as you on this.
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
"It happened to me a couple of months ago. We’d been talking for quite some time, had a little on line fun then poof. I wasn’t hurt, I was pissed off.
Ghosting someone is inexcusable  "
Yup this is what happened to me recently too |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"It happened to me a couple of months ago. We’d been talking for quite some time, had a little on line fun then poof. I wasn’t hurt, I was pissed off.
Ghosting someone is inexcusable
Yup this is what happened to me recently too"
Me 3
At least you 2 ladies still have meeeee.  |
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"It happened to me a couple of months ago. We’d been talking for quite some time, had a little on line fun then poof. I wasn’t hurt, I was pissed off.
Ghosting someone is inexcusable
Yup this is what happened to me recently too"
Why do they do it? I’m just curious. X
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happened to me a couple of months ago. We’d been talking for quite some time, had a little on line fun then poof. I wasn’t hurt, I was pissed off.
Ghosting someone is inexcusable
Yup this is what happened to me recently too
Why do they do it? I’m just curious. X
"
Because it is the easiest way out for them.
I am fine if someone changes their mind. Just tell me that you have made an error in judgement and don't want to pursue anything any longer.
The irony is we would all react a whole lot better to the situation with a little honesty. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happened to me a couple of months ago. We’d been talking for quite some time, had a little on line fun then poof. I wasn’t hurt, I was pissed off.
Ghosting someone is inexcusable
Yup this is what happened to me recently too
Me 3
At least you 2 ladies still have meeeee. "
Go Chunkygent |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"It happened to me a couple of months ago. We’d been talking for quite some time, had a little on line fun then poof. I wasn’t hurt, I was pissed off.
Ghosting someone is inexcusable
Yup this is what happened to me recently too
Me 3
At least you 2 ladies still have meeeee.
Go Chunkygent "
One tries one's best.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Are there really a lot of pic collectors on here? I can imagine men do it a lot but can’t imagine women to do it. Well unless there not really women controlling the profile |
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Happened to us recently from someone I'd (Mrs KC) been chatting to nearly every day for a while and had met for a socially distanced coffee. Said they'd had a lovely time, be good to meet again etc and then nothing... Oh well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think it’s acceptable when you’re in the VERY early stages of chatting. Sometimes conversations just fizzle out or you change your mind. If you get to get to the point of making plans or if you actually meet, then no it’s not acceptable. It’s so disrespectful and leaves the person who is ghosted questioning what they did wrong usually. It’s really awful. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s acceptable when you’re in the VERY early stages of chatting. Sometimes conversations just fizzle out or you change your mind. If you get to get to the point of making plans or if you actually meet, then no it’s not acceptable. It’s so disrespectful and leaves the person who is ghosted questioning what they did wrong usually. It’s really awful. "
I totally agrer as it happened just like that. Made a date in my diary to actually meet then boom....ghosted. Though her profile said that she sometimes goes AWOL for a few days with work and family stuff but a few days turned into 4 weeks and couldn't even be bothered to read my last message yet alone reply.
God it's just so rude!! Lol |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I think it’s acceptable when you’re in the VERY early stages of chatting. Sometimes conversations just fizzle out or you change your mind. If you get to get to the point of making plans or if you actually meet, then no it’s not acceptable. It’s so disrespectful and leaves the person who is ghosted questioning what they did wrong usually. It’s really awful.
I totally agrer as it happened just like that. Made a date in my diary to actually meet then boom....ghosted. Though her profile said that she sometimes goes AWOL for a few days with work and family stuff but a few days turned into 4 weeks and couldn't even be bothered to read my last message yet alone reply.
God it's just so rude!! Lol"
As I said after 4 years of friendship, always being there for someone. Then they don’t tell you anything about what’s happening in there life. Everytime you text to ask if they are ok? They just blank you! It’s not fair, part of me wants to drive over and ask wat the fuck I did wrong
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s acceptable when you’re in the VERY early stages of chatting. Sometimes conversations just fizzle out or you change your mind. If you get to get to the point of making plans or if you actually meet, then no it’s not acceptable. It’s so disrespectful and leaves the person who is ghosted questioning what they did wrong usually. It’s really awful.
I totally agrer as it happened just like that. Made a date in my diary to actually meet then boom....ghosted. Though her profile said that she sometimes goes AWOL for a few days with work and family stuff but a few days turned into 4 weeks and couldn't even be bothered to read my last message yet alone reply.
God it's just so rude!! Lol"
It’s really rude. No excuse for it. |
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I’ve had couples and women chat on here then suddenly ghost me for no apparent reason, other than sometimes it’s after I’ve suggested a meet, social or whatever. Simply boils my piss that they can’t just be honest  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think it’s acceptable when you’re in the VERY early stages of chatting. Sometimes conversations just fizzle out or you change your mind. If you get to get to the point of making plans or if you actually meet, then no it’s not acceptable. It’s so disrespectful and leaves the person who is ghosted questioning what they did wrong usually. It’s really awful.
I totally agrer as it happened just like that. Made a date in my diary to actually meet then boom....ghosted. Though her profile said that she sometimes goes AWOL for a few days with work and family stuff but a few days turned into 4 weeks and couldn't even be bothered to read my last message yet alone reply.
God it's just so rude!! Lol
It’s really rude. No excuse for it. "
There is no excuse but I don't dwell on it now. I think a week or two just out of politeness is
more than enough to reply. After that delete messages, unfriend and move on. |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
"It’s really rude. No excuse for it.
There is no excuse but I don't dwell on it now. I think a week or two just out of politeness is
more than enough to reply. After that delete messages, unfriend and move on."
This. Life goes on |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens and I don't think about it. Some people connect, some don't. "
That goes without saying but I believe the subject refers more to the manner of disengaging. |
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"It happens and I don't think about it. Some people connect, some don't.
That goes without saying but I believe the subject refers more to the manner of disengaging."
As mentioned... I don't think about it! They become people I don't want to spend time with if they can do that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It happens and I don't think about it. Some people connect, some don't.
That goes without saying but I believe the subject refers more to the manner of disengaging.
As mentioned... I don't think about it! They become people I don't want to spend time with if they can do that. "
That’s a good point. See, you did think about it.  |
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"being ignored fucking infuriates me! Px
That’s funny lol I sent you a message 4 days ago and oh that’s right you ignored it lol "
You were probably one of 100's, perhaps 1,000's. This is not the same point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"being ignored fucking infuriates me! Px
That’s funny lol I sent you a message 4 days ago and oh that’s right you ignored it lol
You were probably one of 100's, perhaps 1,000's. This is not the same point. "
I get that but still funny moaning about being ignored and doing it herself funny man very funny |
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"being ignored fucking infuriates me! Px
That’s funny lol I sent you a message 4 days ago and oh that’s right you ignored it lol
You were probably one of 100's, perhaps 1,000's. This is not the same point.
I get that but still funny moaning about being ignored and doing it herself funny man very funny "
If some replied to EVERY message sent, they would never be off here, especially if got replies.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There's a huge difference between being ghosted (which is truly horrible and soul destroying) and suddenly being ignored (seems very common online)
Just being ignored is rude ... plain and simple, if a conversation fizzles out I don't believe people think about it to be honest as we all tend to be having more than one conversation at a time, this is just lazy and thoughtless but how the world is going unfortunately ... sad |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"There's a huge difference between being ghosted (which is truly horrible and soul destroying) and suddenly being ignored (seems very common online)
Just being ignored is rude ... plain and simple, if a conversation fizzles out I don't believe people think about it to be honest as we all tend to be having more than one conversation at a time, this is just lazy and thoughtless but how the world is going unfortunately ... sad "
Your right |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s one of them things that has become part of online life, it’s a shitty thing to do of course, usually because the person doing it doesn’t have the heart or decency to say what it is that’s caused the silence, so they just ignore you in the hope that you go away and don’t become a problem, it’s happened to me, probably happened to most on here at some point. |
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By *irginieWoman
over a year ago
Near Marlborough |
I’ve done it. I’ve had it done to me. If you don’t know someone then I don’t give it too much thought. If it’s someone I’m in a relationship with then it’s hideous.
What really boils my piss (fab specific) is chatting to
Someone, they totally disappear and you just know that they’ve found someone more interesting to flirt with so they ghost you..... then weeks later they pop up again. Those people can fuck off. I’m never plan b.
V x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"being ignored fucking infuriates me! Px
That’s funny lol I sent you a message 4 days ago and oh that’s right you ignored it lol "
Not cool.
It’s a completely different thing, and picking on her about this is out of order. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve done it. I’ve had it done to me. If you don’t know someone then I don’t give it too much thought. If it’s someone I’m in a relationship with then it’s hideous.
What really boils my piss (fab specific) is chatting to
Someone, they totally disappear and you just know that they’ve found someone more interesting to flirt with so they ghost you..... then weeks later they pop up again. Those people can fuck off. I’m never plan b.
V x "
I read recently : everyone is someone's plan B. But we should consider ourselves plan A |
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"being ignored fucking infuriates me! Px
That’s funny lol I sent you a message 4 days ago and oh that’s right you ignored it lol "
If it was the 1st message then so what.. had she been talkings to you then either 1 stopped or 2 ignored you!!
Neither n naming and shaming is even more disrespectful than ghosting!! |
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By *inkySeeKinkyDoWoman
over a year ago
'tween PontyCarlo & CasVegas in West Yorks |
My last relationship ended this way...more a fade than a ghosting, but it fucking hurt all the same. After 12 great months together there was a sudden change in communication that totally threw me as there was no rhyme or reason to it that i was aware of.
The lockdown was a huge factor as we didnt live together and it caused a great deal of stress for him on a personal level because of work and access issues over his daughter, but still, he never really explained why i was no longer important to him.
Is there any wonder we sometimes get accused of being crazy bitches...its things like this which drive us mad!  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"being ignored fucking infuriates me! Px
That’s funny lol I sent you a message 4 days ago and oh that’s right you ignored it lol "
Some people really cannot grasp how many messages women get.
So many "entitled" men on here.
How is she ghosting you if she has never spoken to you?
Also, in the sense of what OP had written, she doesnt even know you to ignore either.
You probably went in a bulk delete.
Get over it. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
I think the worst ones are those who do it, then reappear and try to do it again.
Many years ago I had one who just disappeared after we had met a few times. Then came back as if nothing had happened and expected me to just meet up again. Err no that's not how it works in afraid. |
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I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed. |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed. "
But do you tell people |
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"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people "
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
"
Peach, this is exactly me. Much of the time. And yet being on the forum is so much easier.... it's less pressure. Then they see that and get offended because I'm not replying to the message.
And then when I do manage to open my inbox.... I feel guilty for not having replied and then find it so hard to do so. |
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"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
Peach, this is exactly me. Much of the time. And yet being on the forum is so much easier.... it's less pressure. Then they see that and get offended because I'm not replying to the message.
And then when I do manage to open my inbox.... I feel guilty for not having replied and then find it so hard to do so."
Yep.
It's difficult to understand unless you're in it. |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
Peach, this is exactly me. Much of the time. And yet being on the forum is so much easier.... it's less pressure. Then they see that and get offended because I'm not replying to the message.
And then when I do manage to open my inbox.... I feel guilty for not having replied and then find it so hard to do so.
Yep.
It's difficult to understand unless you're in it."
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By *aitonelMan
over a year ago
Liverpool |
"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
Peach, this is exactly me. Much of the time. And yet being on the forum is so much easier.... it's less pressure. Then they see that and get offended because I'm not replying to the message.
And then when I do manage to open my inbox.... I feel guilty for not having replied and then find it so hard to do so.
Yep.
It's difficult to understand unless you're in it.
"
I get that too. It's so simple yet so hard to explain in the correct way without being hypocritical or just as an excuse. But it is very valid. |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
Peach, this is exactly me. Much of the time. And yet being on the forum is so much easier.... it's less pressure. Then they see that and get offended because I'm not replying to the message.
And then when I do manage to open my inbox.... I feel guilty for not having replied and then find it so hard to do so.
Yep.
It's difficult to understand unless you're in it."
As I said it earlier it hurts more because, a few years ago, I did exactly the same this person came up 2 me at work and asked if I was being off with her because of anything they had done.
I then had the respect to sit down with them and tell them where my head was at.
But now the tables have turned it’s like they are isolating themselves |
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"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
Peach, this is exactly me. Much of the time. And yet being on the forum is so much easier.... it's less pressure. Then they see that and get offended because I'm not replying to the message.
And then when I do manage to open my inbox.... I feel guilty for not having replied and then find it so hard to do so.
Yep.
It's difficult to understand unless you're in it.
As I said it earlier it hurts more because, a few years ago, I did exactly the same this person came up 2 me at work and asked if I was being off with her because of anything they had done.
I then had the respect to sit down with them and tell them where my head was at.
But now the tables have turned it’s like they are isolating themselves"
Hang on, is this the same person as the thread the other day where you were asked to give space? |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I'll throw my hands in the air and say I'm guilty of this.
Not all the time, not because I think I'm superior or have the power or any of the other negative associations with it.
Sometimes, sometimes my brain gets so overloaded or just plain exhausted that the thought of engaging with another human is enough to reduce me to tears. I know they'll say stuff like "how are you?"
A simple enough question but one which pretty much forces me to think, and when I'm trying to forget or I'm wallowing in my own life loathing, I don't want it. I don't want to worry people because I know full well in a day or a week I'll have snapped out of it.
Am I an insensitive ignoramus?
Or am I simply someone who struggles quite badly at times and needs that space to protect myself?
It ain't always cunt behaviour, sometimes it's no more than being overwhelmed.
But do you tell people
People are aware that this happens, that sometimes I may take a few hours or days to myself. But no, I don't message people and say "I'm having a moment, I don't want you to worry but right now I'm too overwhelmed to talk"
Sometimes I'll open their message but not actually read it, so they know I'm alive and not had an accident or anything, coz I don't want them worrying. But then I run the risk of them thinking I'm rude, which guess what? Adds to the pressure I'm already feeling just by being alive.
As much as it's tricky and confusing for the sender, it's much the same for me. I don't want people to think I don't care about them, or they're not important to me because they really are.
Peach, this is exactly me. Much of the time. And yet being on the forum is so much easier.... it's less pressure. Then they see that and get offended because I'm not replying to the message.
And then when I do manage to open my inbox.... I feel guilty for not having replied and then find it so hard to do so.
Yep.
It's difficult to understand unless you're in it.
As I said it earlier it hurts more because, a few years ago, I did exactly the same this person came up 2 me at work and asked if I was being off with her because of anything they had done.
I then had the respect to sit down with them and tell them where my head was at.
But now the tables have turned it’s like they are isolating themselves
Hang on, is this the same person as the thread the other day where you were asked to give space? "
Yea, but she blows so hot an cold, like last Tuesday she was so talkative, telling me our friendship would be fine. And since weds all I’ve had is radio silence |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have been ghosted ( Mrs ) on more then one occasion! I’m always willing to give someone the benefit of doubt, life gets busy blah blah blah but it stings like a bee. I may not reply to friends straight away and sometimes yes I forget a day or so or my 4 year old has been on My phone and opened my message but I will always send a message explaining. As for fab if someone isn’t for us I’ll always send a message especially if we have been getting on a chatting. Manners is important to both of us.
Mrs |
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"
Hang on, is this the same person as the thread the other day where you were asked to give space?
Yea, but she blows so hot an cold, like last Tuesday she was so talkative, telling me our friendship would be fine. And since weds all I’ve had is radio silence "
OK, this was the last post on that thread.
So you cleared the air then applied the thumb screws by getting arsey coz she didn't reply in a time frame that suited you?
Close friendships don't mean you have to speak every day. If you've never been in a situation where you can't really handle convos with others due to your own head spinning and barely having enough emotional/mental energy to deal with the important problems you're facing and nothing else you've been very fortunate.
I've been known to scream "fuck off and leave me alone" at my phone just for beeping coz I simply haven't got anything in the reserve tank to talk.
Whilst you were writing memory lists, do you not think it may be possible she was doing something similar as far as thinking goes regarding her nan who's dying?.. but you weren't patient enough to give her that grace without kicking off at her.
You've admitted here you've had issues in the past where you've began to isolate yourself, so you do understand it. She spoke to you at work you say, so face to face? Where you had no choice but to face up to it and talk to her. She HAS done the same...
She's told you full well she wants some space, what is it about that you're unable to understand?
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I have been ghosted ( Mrs ) on more then one occasion! I’m always willing to give someone the benefit of doubt, life gets busy blah blah blah but it stings like a bee. I may not reply to friends straight away and sometimes yes I forget a day or so or my 4 year old has been on My phone and opened my message but I will always send a message explaining. As for fab if someone isn’t for us I’ll always send a message especially if we have been getting on a chatting. Manners is important to both of us.
Mrs "
That’s it isn’t it? I’m a very black an white person, tell me what your feeling? Tell me what’s in your head |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"
Hang on, is this the same person as the thread the other day where you were asked to give space?
Yea, but she blows so hot an cold, like last Tuesday she was so talkative, telling me our friendship would be fine. And since weds all I’ve had is radio silence
OK, this was the last post on that thread.
So you cleared the air then applied the thumb screws by getting arsey coz she didn't reply in a time frame that suited you?
Close friendships don't mean you have to speak every day. If you've never been in a situation where you can't really handle convos with others due to your own head spinning and barely having enough emotional/mental energy to deal with the important problems you're facing and nothing else you've been very fortunate.
I've been known to scream "fuck off and leave me alone" at my phone just for beeping coz I simply haven't got anything in the reserve tank to talk.
Whilst you were writing memory lists, do you not think it may be possible she was doing something similar as far as thinking goes regarding her nan who's dying?.. but you weren't patient enough to give her that grace without kicking off at her.
You've admitted here you've had issues in the past where you've began to isolate yourself, so you do understand it. She spoke to you at work you say, so face to face? Where you had no choice but to face up to it and talk to her. She HAS done the same...
She's told you full well she wants some space, what is it about that you're unable to understand?
"
She text me telling me that, that’s what I don’t accept |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Op, you can either accept that your friend might be a bit flaky when it comes to maintaining contact, or decide that's not something you're willing to accept |
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"I have been ghosted ( Mrs ) on more then one occasion! I’m always willing to give someone the benefit of doubt, life gets busy blah blah blah but it stings like a bee. I may not reply to friends straight away and sometimes yes I forget a day or so or my 4 year old has been on My phone and opened my message but I will always send a message explaining. As for fab if someone isn’t for us I’ll always send a message especially if we have been getting on a chatting. Manners is important to both of us.
Mrs
That’s it isn’t it? I’m a very black an white person, tell me what your feeling? Tell me what’s in your head"
She has. She's told you she wants some bloody space and she's upset because her nan is dying.
Then you ask her things like "how is your nan?"
How do you think she is? Fucking dying, thanks for the reminder mate. She's suffering trauma. There's the black n white of it, and grief isn't rational. |
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"
She text me telling me that, that’s what I don’t accept
You need to accept what she is telling you."
Dude, I wouldn't just be ignoring ya, I'd be telling you to go fuck off, coz you clearly don't respect what I'm asking of you, nor the time I need to grieve. |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"
She text me telling me that, that’s what I don’t accept
You need to accept what she is telling you.
Dude, I wouldn't just be ignoring ya, I'd be telling you to go fuck off, coz you clearly don't respect what I'm asking of you, nor the time I need to grieve."
But seriously what if she forgets me?
And don’t think I haven’t read or understood what you’ve. Said |
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By *otSoPoshWoman
over a year ago
In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon |
"
She text me telling me that, that’s what I don’t accept
You need to accept what she is telling you.
Dude, I wouldn't just be ignoring ya, I'd be telling you to go fuck off, coz you clearly don't respect what I'm asking of you, nor the time I need to grieve.
But seriously what if she forgets me?
And don’t think I haven’t read or understood what you’ve. Said "
What Peach has said is your friend has said she needs space. Give her space. Leave her alone. Let her come to you if she wants but other than that LEAVE HER ALONE.
And if she forgets you then I'm so sorry, but you just have to have a cry, eat ice cream and get wankered with your mates. Because that's what happens sometimes.
If you're that good friends she won't forget you. |
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"
She text me telling me that, that’s what I don’t accept
You need to accept what she is telling you.
Dude, I wouldn't just be ignoring ya, I'd be telling you to go fuck off, coz you clearly don't respect what I'm asking of you, nor the time I need to grieve.
But seriously what if she forgets me?
And don’t think I haven’t read or understood what you’ve. Said "
Then you have very little faith in her.
And what if she does? Friendships drift and trying to force it not to will make it happen sooner rather than later |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"
She text me telling me that, that’s what I don’t accept
You need to accept what she is telling you.
Dude, I wouldn't just be ignoring ya, I'd be telling you to go fuck off, coz you clearly don't respect what I'm asking of you, nor the time I need to grieve.
But seriously what if she forgets me?
And don’t think I haven’t read or understood what you’ve. Said
What Peach has said is your friend has said she needs space. Give her space. Leave her alone. Let her come to you if she wants but other than that LEAVE HER ALONE.
And if she forgets you then I'm so sorry, but you just have to have a cry, eat ice cream and get wankered with your mates. Because that's what happens sometimes.
If you're that good friends she won't forget you."
I appreciate your advice, she text me first so I assumed she’d had all the space she needed or wanted |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
She text me telling me that, that’s what I don’t accept
You need to accept what she is telling you.
Dude, I wouldn't just be ignoring ya, I'd be telling you to go fuck off, coz you clearly don't respect what I'm asking of you, nor the time I need to grieve.
But seriously what if she forgets me?
And don’t think I haven’t read or understood what you’ve. Said "
But as I said last time, this isn’t about you, it’s about her. You’re making it all about your feelings, put hers first. |
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"I ghost people for days, weeks even months. They understand why and know i will be back eventually"
Does it feel like your head is just too full or too empty? I dunno, sometimes for me it's like I need cleansing somehow from the toxicity of life and thoughts before I feel like I'm able to have an honest convo without looking like I've totally lost it |
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"I ghost people for days, weeks even months. They understand why and know i will be back eventually
Does it feel like your head is just too full or too empty? I dunno, sometimes for me it's like I need cleansing somehow from the toxicity of life and thoughts before I feel like I'm able to have an honest convo without looking like I've totally lost it "
when im ill i just switch myself of from the real world as i cant face it. Cant face speaking to anyone im far to tired to communicate. Plus i dont like people hearing or seeing me in that state |
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