We all do it.
Some judge those who meet people for sex behind their partners backs as cheaters.
Others judge those who don't want to meet cheaters as bigots.
Some judge fat people as lazy.
Some judge gym bunnies as boring.
Are you offended if someone calls you judgmental?
Yes this was inspired by the comments in the bigotry thread. No I am not offended that I was told I was judgmental. It really isn't an insult.
As I say, we all make judgments every day to keep us safe. If one of those judgments is not to meet married men then so be it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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For me there is a difference between being judgemental and being discerning. One is absolutely necessary and one isn’t.
We’re all guilty of having ‘those thought’, but it’s what you do with them.... |
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"I dint agree.... I try not to judge anyone , never mind being fat or going to the gym, even if they do or say things directly that impact me. Judging is a lazy way of understanding "
So you don't look at situations and make judgments on how you react? You don't walk down a street, see a gang of people and maybe cross the road to the clearer path?
Everyone makes judgments every day. They may not be as basic as the ones in the op but you do make them based on past experiences, learned behaviour and sometimes even sub conscious prejudices. To say you never make a judgment is a falsehood. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We all do it.
Some judge those who meet people for sex behind their partners backs as cheaters.
Others judge those who don't want to meet cheaters as bigots.
Some judge fat people as lazy.
Some judge gym bunnies as boring.
Are you offended if someone calls you judgmental?
Yes this was inspired by the comments in the bigotry thread. No I am not offended that I was told I was judgmental. It really isn't an insult.
As I say, we all make judgments every day to keep us safe. If one of those judgments is not to meet married men then so be it."
It’s human nature to do this, I’ve been judged on my cars and my looks but I am happy with me and what I have, yes of course I have judged other people we all have |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I dont consider myself judgmental but that said I do perhaps form an opinion based of limited info, so that I guess is in some way being judgmental  "
I can see that for a risk assessment before buying from someone or meeting them or having sex even but why do you need to form a fixed opinion of people in general , you can just stay open minded |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I dint agree.... I try not to judge anyone , never mind being fat or going to the gym, even if they do or say things directly that impact me. Judging is a lazy way of understanding
So you don't look at situations and make judgments on how you react? You don't walk down a street, see a gang of people and maybe cross the road to the clearer path?
Everyone makes judgments every day. They may not be as basic as the ones in the op but you do make them based on past experiences, learned behaviour and sometimes even sub conscious prejudices. To say you never make a judgment is a falsehood. "
They are different , you need to make those type of judgements they affect you directly. But that’s not what’s being discussed. Seeing a stranger in a certain car or clothes or body type walk past or a random comment and your mind is making judgements , trying to put them in a label or box is a sign of insecurity or pain. It is possible to move beyond that |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I accept i live in a glass house so do my best not to throw stones. Where i’ve forgotten myself and am being judgement i’d rather someone pull me up on it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Humans are judgemental whether intentionally or not.
On here it's simple, either you like someone or you don't. Frankly I don't care if you like me or not. I don't know you therefore it doesn't affect me.
We're all supposed to be here for an enjoyable experience. Let's just keep it that way. |
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I'm not offended in the slightest. Having to make a judgement about something or someone or their actions keeps me safe. Those who say they don't make judgements are liars or have some scary skeletons in their closet  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I dint agree.... I try not to judge anyone , never mind being fat or going to the gym, even if they do or say things directly that impact me. Judging is a lazy way of understanding
So you don't look at situations and make judgments on how you react? You don't walk down a street, see a gang of people and maybe cross the road to the clearer path?
Everyone makes judgments every day. They may not be as basic as the ones in the op but you do make them based on past experiences, learned behaviour and sometimes even sub conscious prejudices. To say you never make a judgment is a falsehood. "
Exactly, if there was no judging you would not survive in the world.
I’m very judgemental but it’s based on sound principles.
Certainly not concerned about folks judging me for being judgemental lol |
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I make judgements yes. I'm human, I have life experience that leads me to these judgements (I'll call it muscle memory of the mind)
I make those judgements based on very limited information, let's face it a lot of people will make a comment and that's it, they tend not to expand on the why they think or behave thw way they do. If they did explain the why then I'd be far more understanding and have a bigger picture to build based on their own muscle memory of the mind and life experiences.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Judgement is human nature of course! But voicing them is completely different. It's basically saying what you think is correct.
Why judge someone's looks, opinions, life choices or whatever else about a person when it affects you in no way. Does your judgement improve the situation. Does your judgement make you feel better. These are the questions that come to my mind and more often than not it comes down to it not being worth it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I make judgements yes. I'm human, I have life experience that leads me to these judgements (I'll call it muscle memory of the mind)
I make those judgements based on very limited information, let's face it a lot of people will make a comment and that's it, they tend not to expand on the why they think or behave thw way they do. If they did explain the why then I'd be far more understanding and have a bigger picture to build based on their own muscle memory of the mind and life experiences.
"
 exactly Peachy
We all make judgements every minute of every day because everything we see and hear is a memory based on things we have seen and heard before.
A discussion is created to help us understand how to perceive things differently
We can choose to take it on board or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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As said above judging anyone is thoughts we have in our minds and to have thoughts is essential to our existence..
For example i am quite a large guy people often assume im lazy, i work 2 jobs and my weight can fluctuate rapidly though that is to do with eating rather than being lazy.
The difference between having a thought and doing something about it is where the difference comes in.
How many times a day do we want to kill someone but we dont?
How many times do we judge someone based on appearance or conversation and to later realise we are wrong.
Its the action after the thought that matters. Not the thought. |
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"I make judgements yes. I'm human, I have life experience that leads me to these judgements (I'll call it muscle memory of the mind)
I make those judgements based on very limited information, let's face it a lot of people will make a comment and that's it, they tend not to expand on the why they think or behave thw way they do. If they did explain the why then I'd be far more understanding and have a bigger picture to build based on their own muscle memory of the mind and life experiences.
"
I agree. So in essence the longer we live our judgements may be less severe and tempered with a little more reasoning and thought |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I make judgements yes. I'm human, I have life experience that leads me to these judgements (I'll call it muscle memory of the mind)
I make those judgements based on very limited information, let's face it a lot of people will make a comment and that's it, they tend not to expand on the why they think or behave thw way they do. If they did explain the why then I'd be far more understanding and have a bigger picture to build based on their own muscle memory of the mind and life experiences.
I agree. So in essence the longer we live our judgements may be less severe and tempered with a little more reasoning and thought "
Unfortunately wisdom doesn’t always come with age or experience , some people just get stuck in certain ways of thinking.
I’d be interested to know what “life experiences” lead you to the types of judgements in the OP, other than the first which isn’t a judgement
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I try hard not to judge aloud. I am trying (as I get older) to think it but not always say it. Often it serves no purpose and airing it changes nothing. I just put a mental sticky note on it and file it away under things to consider. |
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By *issmorganWoman
over a year ago
Calderdale innit |
We all judge, sometimes people throw the judging as an insult when they're doing something they know is wrong ie cheating.
Im guessing those who say don't judge, are as guilty of it as the rest of us, just in different ways or for different things. |
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"I make judgements yes. I'm human, I have life experience that leads me to these judgements (I'll call it muscle memory of the mind)
I make those judgements based on very limited information, let's face it a lot of people will make a comment and that's it, they tend not to expand on the why they think or behave thw way they do. If they did explain the why then I'd be far more understanding and have a bigger picture to build based on their own muscle memory of the mind and life experiences.
I agree. So in essence the longer we live our judgements may be less severe and tempered with a little more reasoning and thought
Unfortunately wisdom doesn’t always come with age or experience , some people just get stuck in certain ways of thinking.
I’d be interested to know what “life experiences” lead you to the types of judgements in the OP, other than the first which isn’t a judgement
"
I'll give an example of 2 threads regarding cheating that I've commented on over the last few weeks.
There's todays one where I'm making the judgement that the betrayer is a deluded, entitled, self centred ************
And one a week or so back where the OP seemed incredibly confused, upset, at a crossroads in life and calling for help. I don't believe they were a bad person, but someone in a position that was life changing and not knowing which way to turn.
One I could swing for (in the punch throwing sense), the other I felt for (in the turmoil sense) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We are all judged every day and we all make judgements every day, about everything. Snap judgements are a survival mechanism or a simple descriptor ie over there the one with the mad hair (aka me) etc
Our judgements are proved wrong ie wow I thought he was lovely who knew he could do that? Or proved right ie wow I knew I never liked her for a reason etc
Sometimes our judgements are coloured by our friends/families/circumstances etc ie that place has always been rough etc
But I always laugh when people say their not judgemental ... sorry! It's just not true!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The one predominantly being discussed here though is pretty much a straight forward judgement though
If cheating has coloured your life in any way you're, more than likely, going to be very unfavourable about it
If you're in the position of the cheater then you're going to be, more than likely, indignant about it - sometimes even self-righteous!
And the two camps will never agree or agree to disagree ... it has been going on for thousands of years and will never change!
So my opinion on this is just tough titties so there! |
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"I agree everyone makes judgements. It's what you do with those judgements that are important."
An initial judgement can be validated against other posts the commenter has made. There may be confirmation bias involved but over time it should level out |
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Strangely enough, only a few moments ago I came across a profile that explicitly stated - "Don't contact me if your name is Keith, Kevin, Barry, Gary, Trevor, Colin, Derek...". She was being serious!
°
So, if your name is Tarquin or Bertram or Quentin or Crispian... You're in for a treat.  |
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"I make judgements yes. I'm human, I have life experience that leads me to these judgements (I'll call it muscle memory of the mind)
I make those judgements based on very limited information, let's face it a lot of people will make a comment and that's it, they tend not to expand on the why they think or behave thw way they do. If they did explain the why then I'd be far more understanding and have a bigger picture to build based on their own muscle memory of the mind and life experiences.
I agree. So in essence the longer we live our judgements may be less severe and tempered with a little more reasoning and thought
Unfortunately wisdom doesn’t always come with age or experience , some people just get stuck in certain ways of thinking.
I’d be interested to know what “life experiences” lead you to the types of judgements in the OP, other than the first which isn’t a judgement
"
You would like to know what life experiences I've had that would determine my judgements of the examples the OP has given?
Is that so you can make a jidgement? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I judge and that helps me work out what my preferences are
Am I going to impose my judgement on others... No"
As soon as you say no thanks to a person you have imposed your judgement on them on here though ... and that judgement effects that person and that person's feelings? We really have to start being more honest with ourselves regarding judgments but more importantly how we put them across! |
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"Strangely enough, only a few moments ago I came across a profile that explicitly stated - "Don't contact me if your name is Keith, Kevin, Barry, Gary, Trevor, Colin, Derek...". She was being serious!
°
So, if your name is Tarquin or Bertram or Quentin or Crispian... You're in for a treat. "
I won't meet people with the same name as my ex. People will of course make judgements that it's because I think everyone with the same name is a dick, or gonna hit me, or gonna manipulate me.
Nope, it is because of past trauma, but because I'm uncertain if I will have a flashback or something whilst saying that name in a bedroom capacity, I won't take the chance coz the last thing I wanna do is make an innocent person feel uncomfortable. I'm not judging them.... I'm judging myself. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Strangely enough, only a few moments ago I came across a profile that explicitly stated - "Don't contact me if your name is Keith, Kevin, Barry, Gary, Trevor, Colin, Derek...". She was being serious!
°
So, if your name is Tarquin or Bertram or Quentin or Crispian... You're in for a treat.
I won't meet people with the same name as my ex. People will of course make judgements that it's because I think everyone with the same name is a dick, or gonna hit me, or gonna manipulate me.
Nope, it is because of past trauma, but because I'm uncertain if I will have a flashback or something whilst saying that name in a bedroom capacity, I won't take the chance coz the last thing I wanna do is make an innocent person feel uncomfortable. I'm not judging them.... I'm judging myself."
And self-judgement is the hardest of the hard! Unfortunately ...  |
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"I judge and that helps me work out what my preferences are
Am I going to impose my judgement on others... No
As soon as you say no thanks to a person you have imposed your judgement on them on here though ... and that judgement effects that person and that person's feelings? We really have to start being more honest with ourselves regarding judgments but more importantly how we put them across! "
Only in the fact that it Is an unwelcome decision for them on my part though by me saying No I don't want to meet you
If I said to them I don't want to meet you because of xy and z then I would class that as me imposing my judgement on them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I judge and that helps me work out what my preferences are
Am I going to impose my judgement on others... No
As soon as you say no thanks to a person you have imposed your judgement on them on here though ... and that judgement effects that person and that person's feelings? We really have to start being more honest with ourselves regarding judgments but more importantly how we put them across!
Only in the fact that it Is an unwelcome decision for them on my part though by me saying No I don't want to meet you
If I said to them I don't want to meet you because of xy and z then I would class that as me imposing my judgement on them"
The judgement is I don't want to meet you, if you give the x,y,z then those are just your opinions or reasons surely? Not the judgement!
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There are many kinds of judgements made. If we didn't make those judgement calls we wouldn't do things like check in on someone who seems out of sorts. We're judging that their behaviour seems off and that their initial presence is their true character rather than a veil or guard being dropped. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Judgement is a instinctual behaviour, that helped and helps to keep the specious profilerating....we all do it to one level or another.. we make snap judgements that can be right or proved wrong...
Show Me someone who says there non judgemental ill show u a lier, see judgement right there  |
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I see judgement and being judgmental as very slightly differing things.
As others have said, we make judgments about ourselves and others constantly.
Making a judgement about something or someone comes across as a natural thing to do in order to make choices about things and people.
Being judgemental has a negative vibe about it.
Judging someone or thing is just that. Judging on its own merit, or otherwise.
Being judgemental is more passing judgement in relation to your own view or opinion, as if your view or opinion is the one with the actual merit or validity.
I haven’t explained that particularly well but someone might understand what I was getting at. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I see judgement and being judgmental as very slightly differing things.
As others have said, we make judgments about ourselves and others constantly.
Making a judgement about something or someone comes across as a natural thing to do in order to make choices about things and people.
Being judgemental has a negative vibe about it.
Judging someone or thing is just that. Judging on its own merit, or otherwise.
Being judgemental is more passing judgement in relation to your own view or opinion, as if your view or opinion is the one with the actual merit or validity.
I haven’t explained that particularly well but someone might understand what I was getting at. "
Makes sense to me |
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"I see judgement and being judgmental as very slightly differing things.
As others have said, we make judgments about ourselves and others constantly.
Making a judgement about something or someone comes across as a natural thing to do in order to make choices about things and people.
Being judgemental has a negative vibe about it.
Judging someone or thing is just that. Judging on its own merit, or otherwise.
Being judgemental is more passing judgement in relation to your own view or opinion, as if your view or opinion is the one with the actual merit or validity.
I haven’t explained that particularly well but someone might understand what I was getting at.
Makes sense to me "
Ahh. You are clearly fluent in jibberish then. |
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Along with everyone else of course I'm judgemental.
Most thoughts we all have about other often are in most cases and they're so ingrained and instinctual to each individual that we don't even notice our own judgemental thoughts.
It's what keeps you safe, it's what helps you decide to walk away or get involved with others, its what we all use without realising it that forms friendships or groups of people similar to ourselves.
Our own moral compass is set using in part the judgements we make on behaviours of others and for ourselves and we don't often realise we're doing it.
If you decide not to get involved with someone who is cheating on another then that's a judgement call and has nothing to do with bigotry as stated on another thread, it's ones own preferences often due to life experiences and you judge the person cheating because of that.
Do I judge? Damn right I do and its saved me a ton of heartache and trouble in the process so I'll carry on being a judgey fucker thankyou very much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The word 'judgement' is loaded with different meanings in different contexts.
The dictionary definition is 'evaluating the evidence to come to a desicion'. Everyone every day is making this type of judgement for all sorts of circumstances whether they realise it or not.
Then there is the this is 'good' or 'evil' judgement (which comes from the more religious sense of salvation/damned). This is more a black and white 'universal' moral judgement.
Of course in a thread about a highly charged subject matter then these two types of judgement can be conflated and mis-read. |
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