FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Them vs us

Them vs us

By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Is this drawing a line between one group of people and another? Do people really consider themselves ‘outsiders’ on here and if so, who is on the inside and how do you define that? Do people really consider popularity on here as a status or aspiration?

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find it rather puerile

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By *olgateMan over a year ago

on the road to nowhere in particular

I never make it onto any lists

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By *layfullsamMan over a year ago

Solihull

People have always said that there is a fab clique since I've been on here so I guess the person starting the non popular split feels that they're not a part of it ?

Hope that it's tongue in cheek but who knows, on fab anything is possible.

Anything that divides people doesn't usually end well

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I find it pathetic. I got called one of the cool kids the other day, which is laughable when you see what car I drive.

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By *uckOfTheBayMan over a year ago

Mold

I don't think there's a sense of superiority, it's more a degree of familiarity, and personal conversations and/or commenting on threads can seem like it might be excluding others from the conversation.

Sometimes it might be good to step back and look on these threads with an outsider's eye

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

The thing with forums is there’s always gunna be a group of regulars who get to know each other via the comments and replies made, you’re always gunna feel like an outsider until you’ve been here for a while, do you get ignored? Not ignored, your comment may just get scrolled past cause others are checking for replies to their own? Unless you comment on something that does warrant a response, I don’t spend too much time here of late but i still contribute, whether it gets a response or not isn’t really important, you’re just adding to the content at the end of the day.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Some people get their posts replied to . Some don't.

When people post and no-one ever replies it can feel shit. Like they are deliberately ignored.

It can be like sat in a corner alone in a busy vibrant pub.

The answer is to chat to people. But if they don't chat back and everyone else is chatting... then what.

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By *hilloutMan over a year ago

All over the place! Northwesr, , Southwest

Contrary to what many say, the forum does have a clique, albeit an informal one. Popular (for whatever reason) and well recognised posters will be answered to and engaged far more often than others. This is particularly evident when a flirty back and forth ensues between a select few that monopolises a thread.

It's perfectly natural for people who aren't engaged with / ignored to see themselves as outsiders and seek out those with similar circumstances.

There's nothing passive aggressive about it. In fact, if I were one these individuals i'd find that offensive. It's just human nature and dynamics of social interaction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I get where you are coming from but you have to look at where it stems from. It has been an age old issue in the fora and it's never pleasant when you see the gang mentality piss over newer members and when you get people reporting the same thing then threads like that will happen

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don't think there's a sense of superiority, it's more a degree of familiarity, and personal conversations and/or commenting on threads can seem like it might be excluding others from the conversation.

*** Sometimes it might be good to step back and look on these threads with an outsider's eye ***

***

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By *osweet69Couple over a year ago

portsmouth

Fab world is no different to the real world. And we cannot understand why people think it would be.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been watching the "popular unpopular" threads for a while now and, actually, when you read them they can be very much passive aggressive bullying!

Many forum threads recently have really gone down in my estimation ...

Anything that pits one against another, even when deliberately not intending to do so, is very unattractive and never takes other people's feelings into consideration!

Then there are threads condemning other threads by people that blatantly contributed in the first place!

Oh for lockdown to be over ... we all need out!

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By *he Mac LassWoman over a year ago

Hefty Hideaway

I’m sure most of us are shouting into the ether here whenever we post.

I’m getting older and grumpier with less patience for people who stamp their feet because they don’t get a response to a bland statement on a forum.

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By *inister_SpinsterWoman over a year ago

North West

As a forum joiner and reader, its pretty clear that other posters know each other, have in jokes etc. There's no point in getting irate that folks have friends.

I join in, if I get replies that's cool, if not then there's plenty of other threads to contribute to.

Like many things, you get out what you put in

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it? "

OP, There is a clear divide on the forums, a blind.man could see that, fact is pppl are looked or passed over that not arguable it happens on a regular basis..

As for it being a self defeating confirmation bias, we'll its not if it happens to said person on a regular basis, what it does do is set a belief system about not possibly being cool.or unpopular....

But then it also comes down do you have a undieing need to be apart of the cool kids crowd or not, where if there like me and don't give two fucks and take part whether I'm accepted or not, as I know I'll be accepted by some not by others....which is evident in all walks of life

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When I did meets, I used the forums as a place to hang out and potentially meet other contributors for coffee

If I fancied a shag, the last place I'd look would be here

So, I guess it's how you want your popularity to be measured, is it measured by sexual success, a need to fit in or a need to be liked

If your need is to fit in or be heard or be liked then I think the forums can be a tough place

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By *gent CoulsonMan over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

Having to take responsibility for a couple of these post, yes they are tongue in cheek, and most people take it that way.

I am here to have a bit of a laugh, I post shit most of the time, I am not indulging in self deprecation, neither am I looking to make myself "popular" and very much doubt that the people who post on them take them seriously.

Popularity is subjective at the best of time. As it turns out, a few who have joined in the threads, have made friend or a connection, so is it harmful to take a step back and actually not think too much about what fab is actually about, to be able to actually take the piss out of yourself once in a little while.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I never take any of this seriously there’s no point , all I’m trying to do is have a laugh (most of the time at my own experience) and meet some amazing people to meet or just to have a chat with

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If I drop a comment on a thread it's because of the subject, not who posted it. Does it get read or responded to? Some yes some no, do I lose sleep over it.... Nope.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Contrary to what many say, the forum does have a clique, albeit an informal one. Popular (for whatever reason) and well recognised posters will be answered to and engaged far more often than others. This is particularly evident when a flirty back and forth ensues between a select few that monopolises a thread.

It's perfectly natural for people who aren't engaged with / ignored to see themselves as outsiders and seek out those with similar circumstances.

There's nothing passive aggressive about it. In fact, if I were one these individuals i'd find that offensive. It's just human nature and dynamics of social interaction."

I agree with this. It's normal to want to find a group you belong to, it's human nature. We all do it. Those of us who've been using the forums a while, such as you OP and possibly myself too, will not feel ignored in here so it's possible we forget what it feels like to be new and just want to find some friends. Maybe you felt that twinge for the first time when you saw that thread and felt slightly unwelcome? Just a thought.

Let's just let everyone enjoy themselves x

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"Some people get their posts replied to . Some don't.

When people post and no-one ever replies it can feel shit. Like they are deliberately ignored.

It can be like sat in a corner alone in a busy vibrant pub.

The answer is to chat to people. But if they don't chat back and everyone else is chatting... then what."

Yes, that's what's happened to me a few times. I try to reply to different people, new people etc. Yet sometimes I get nothing back and then they post about being ignored and I do have a slight...

moment. Even with threads that rely on you making interactions and sending private messages - some people rarely send out messages and yet get upset when they don't receive any. I grew a bit tired of trying to involve people when they don't even acknowledge it but later say about being ignored.

I don't see myself as a popular poster but I'm aware that I've been around for a longer time so I'm more... perhaps established? I'll go with that.

Recently I've read a lot of passive aggressive digs on here, even on a simple music thread. We all see what we want to see to a certain degree. Do I think the forums could be more welcoming towards new posters? Yes. Do I think that we have to reply to every comment, no matter how inane? No.

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

If it gives a group, that feels like that a place, to interact and respond to each other I don’t see the harm. It is quite refreshing to see others interacting with them as well and not just sticking to the usual crowd.

Everyone uses the forum how they choose to along with threads they start.

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

I see it as some of the "popular" people are just up-to-date and current on the forums, everyone has their 5 mins of popularity on here for whatever reason, its just the people who shout loudest and post very frequently will always have a higher profile image than others, that's across all walks of life not just on here

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By *iamondCougarWoman over a year ago

Norfuck! / Lincolnshire

There isn’t a fab clique; it’s just that some users have met and know one another personally, therefore there have common ground or they chat outside of fab walls.

Those that seek superiority via their popularity validation threads make me giggle .... yes! Yes! It’s ok .... you’re still popular

Sometimes what may have been said as a ‘joke’ isn’t received as such.... bit of brain and gear needed sometimes.

There are those that are known for picking fights, just because they feel like it

and then there’s the playground stuff ....

Is there any wonder some feel ignored or left out when it’s often a vipers nest.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people get their posts replied to . Some don't.

When people post and no-one ever replies it can feel shit. Like they are deliberately ignored.

It can be like sat in a corner alone in a busy vibrant pub.

The answer is to chat to people. But if they don't chat back and everyone else is chatting... then what."

My standard thing is to get another pint and some chilli nuts.

If there’s a juke box I’d go put every spice girls track on that it has.

If there’s more than three then people start to notice and point/whisper about me.

Suddenly I’m popular.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"There isn’t a fab clique; it’s just that some users have met and know one another personally, therefore there have common ground or they chat outside of fab walls.

Those that seek superiority via their popularity validation threads make me giggle .... yes! Yes! It’s ok .... you’re still popular

Sometimes what may have been said as a ‘joke’ isn’t received as such.... bit of brain and gear needed sometimes.

There are those that are known for picking fights, just because they feel like it

and then there’s the playground stuff ....

Is there any wonder some feel ignored or left out when it’s often a vipers nest. "

Absolutely this

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By *irty PrettyWoman over a year ago

Cardiff

I’m definitely not popular, but then again I don’t participate in any of the games, photo challenges, or threads where you have to message people. At least I’m not so unpopular that everything I post gets ripped apart like happens to some people. I’m somewhere in the middle.

As for ignored, that’s hit and miss. It doesn’t bother me unless I’ve posted on a thread which asks for thoughts on something very personal, because when you bare your soul even a little and no-one notices, that’s a little hurtful.

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By *etcplCouple over a year ago

Gapping Fanny

Cliques, groups, popular posters etc. make the forum interesting.

Fab has the added bonus of being a “sex site”, where a person’s popularity on the forums (or lack of) is conflated with their desirability, and as such people don’t like to feel undesired or unattractive hence the drive to be part of the cool kids gang.

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By *rHotNottsMan over a year ago

Dubai & Nottingham

It's perfectly natural for people who aren't engaged with / ignored to see themselves as outsiders and seek out those with similar circumstances.

There's nothing passive aggressive about it. In fact, if I were one these individuals i'd find that offensive. It's just human nature and dynamics of social interaction."

Bullshit, it’s all perception. In fact the real cliques outside of fab are more real. I’m general it’s the content that gets replied to not the person. The exception is a small bunch of saddos, mostly men, who just feel the need to respond, agree, massage ego with certain posters they fancy and never have any interesting opinions of their own

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's perfectly natural for people who aren't engaged with / ignored to see themselves as outsiders and seek out those with similar circumstances.

There's nothing passive aggressive about it. In fact, if I were one these individuals i'd find that offensive. It's just human nature and dynamics of social interaction.

^^ 100 %

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends. "

Good way to put it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends. "

Big difference between kids and adults, kids do not have a real concept of inclusion and exclusion, where as adults do...

As humans we need to feel connected to a group and feel alert of, that is a natural ingrained basic human need

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's perfectly natural for people who aren't engaged with / ignored to see themselves as outsiders and seek out those with similar circumstances.

There's nothing passive aggressive about it. In fact, if I were one these individuals i'd find that offensive. It's just human nature and dynamics of social interaction.

I think that is where a lot of this stems from, people interact with each other in chat groups away from the forum and then that spills into to the forum for whatever reason. It does give them a sense of superioty because they're in their pack as it were

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Big difference between kids and adults, kids do not have a real concept of inclusion and exclusion, where as adults do...

As humans we need to feel connected to a group and feel alert of, that is a natural ingrained basic human need "

Yes they do; it is an innate human behaviour no matter the age

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

[Removed by poster at 03/05/21 09:35:32]

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Big difference between kids and adults, kids do not have a real concept of inclusion and exclusion, where as adults do...

As humans we need to feel connected to a group and feel alert of, that is a natural ingrained basic human need "

I’d disagree with that of course children feel inclusion / exclusion, damn kids can be more cruel than adults to their peers. But that is getting away from the OP

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I never take any of this seriously there’s no point , all I’m trying to do is have a laugh (most of the time at my own experience) and meet some amazing people to meet or just to have a chat with "

...also, nice eyes!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Big difference between kids and adults, kids do not have a real concept of inclusion and exclusion, where as adults do...

As humans we need to feel connected to a group and feel alert of, that is a natural ingrained basic human need

I’d disagree with that of course children feel inclusion / exclusion, damn kids can be more cruel than adults to their peers. But that is getting away from the OP"

I totally disagree with that from experience and agree that kids can be more cruel but adults do it more underhandedly whereas kids are more blatant! Also, in schools, teachers quite often can step in whereas with adults there very rarely is anyone to step in ...

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By *gent CoulsonMan over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

The forums are an open platform and views are going to differ.

Do I actually care if people like me. No, I'm like marmite, some will some won't.

Do I care if I am popular or not, no, same answer as above

Am I bothered I get missed, passed over, or ignored, no, that is just how life is

Have I made friends and possibly connections. Yes

Am I happy with that, yes.

I post shit for the hell of it, if it drops off the page and bombs,am i bothered, no it's a bit of fun.

Would i change to fit in with everyone, hell no, i am me, i am the only one of me.

There is no real us and them, just those that are better at it

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends. "

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"The forums are an open platform and views are going to differ.

Do I actually care if people like me. No, I'm like marmite, some will some won't.

Do I care if I am popular or not, no, same answer as above

Am I bothered I get missed, passed over, or ignored, no, that is just how life is

Have I made friends and possibly connections. Yes

Am I happy with that, yes.

I post shit for the hell of it, if it drops off the page and bombs,am i bothered, no it's a bit of fun.

Would i change to fit in with everyone, hell no, i am me, i am the only one of me.

There is no real us and them, just those that are better at it"

I tend to agree with the majority of your post, except your thread is one of them, so I’d be inclined to say that even as a joke, it has some basis

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Big difference between kids and adults, kids do not have a real concept of inclusion and exclusion, where as adults do...

As humans we need to feel connected to a group and feel alert of, that is a natural ingrained basic human need

Yes they do; it is an innate human behaviour no matter the age"

My point is adults have experience of.life about being included or excluded and the effects this has....where as children don't have that experience to teach them...and adults do it in a much more manipulative sly and devious manner ....I do agree the innate need to be included, is there from the get go, however the importance of being connected to society and humanity is learnt over time

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about"

You mention the threads being passive aggressive? Surely this thread has a passive aggresive undertone?

What's your take on these 'forum challenges threads? The ones where the same members participate? Or are they ok because it is the regular forum goers that participate?

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By *UGGYBEAR2015Man over a year ago

BRIDPORT

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends. "

I think the playground analogy could be expanded to explain most of the behaviours exhibited on the forums

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

Haven’t read all this thread but I’ll be honest, when I saw them I didn’t know whether to comment or not so I just didn’t get involved. I just thought to myself that it wasn’t very inclusive.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about

You mention the threads being passive aggressive? Surely this thread has a passive aggresive undertone?

What's your take on these 'forum challenges threads? The ones where the same members participate? Or are they ok because it is the regular forum goers that participate? "

I think that if someone has the inclination, they can read a lot into someone’s postings.

This thread was to question whether it builds a divide, not to point fingers. My other threads I try to make as inclusive as I can.

I would like to think that my threads bring people together, not divide them but I’m welcome to discuss any objections or criticisms

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Big difference between kids and adults, kids do not have a real concept of inclusion and exclusion, where as adults do...

As humans we need to feel connected to a group and feel alert of, that is a natural ingrained basic human need

Yes they do; it is an innate human behaviour no matter the age

Innate is a term used to describe a biological drive. Through life we are looking for connections, that need is biologically driven, it is internal (innate)

These behaviours are biologically driven in children too, they will form groups and include and exclude because that is how they learn the parameters of social interaction

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Is the answer to not speak out when people feel excluded? Keep their feelings inside.

People have been told to 'bottle it' and 'shut up' when they have raised issues openly.

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By *gent CoulsonMan over a year ago

Secret hideaway in the pennines

"The forums are an open platform and views are going to differ.

Do I actually care if people like me. No, I'm like marmite, some will some won't.

Do I care if I am popular or not, no, same answer as above

Am I bothered I get missed, passed over, or ignored, no, that is just how life is

Have I made friends and possibly connections. Yes

Am I happy with that, yes.

I post shit for the hell of it, if it drops off the page and bombs,am i bothered, no it's a bit of fun.

Would i change to fit in with everyone, hell no, i am me, i am the only one of me.

There is no real us and them, just those that are better at it

I tend to agree with the majority of your post, except your thread is one of them, so I’d be inclined to say that even as a joke, it has some basis "
which I did openly admit I'm my earlier response

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people get their posts replied to . Some don't.

When people post and no-one ever replies it can feel shit. Like they are deliberately ignored.

It can be like sat in a corner alone in a busy vibrant pub.

The answer is to chat to people. But if they don't chat back and everyone else is chatting... then what."

What she said...

I just tend to ‘browse’ and will speak when spoken to

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about

You mention the threads being passive aggressive? Surely this thread has a passive aggresive undertone?

What's your take on these 'forum challenges threads? The ones where the same members participate? Or are they ok because it is the regular forum goers that participate?

I think that if someone has the inclination, they can read a lot into someone’s postings.

This thread was to question whether it builds a divide, not to point fingers. My other threads I try to make as inclusive as I can.

I would like to think that my threads bring people together, not divide them but I’m welcome to discuss any objections or criticisms"

No not at all, just curious in the motives behind it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm a relative Forum newbie. I'm a single male, not hot and don't go out of my way to cultivate Forum friendships as I'm inclined not to bother people. But my experience here has been very positive and I've probably felt more welcomed by many of the more long standing, recognisable Forumites than by other newbies. I find the 'unpopular' threads of zero interest.

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about"

I'd have to argue that *some* of the behaviour displayed on here makes kids appear to have far more emotional maturity on the whole than *some* supposed adults

And my perception is that the labels are almost always attached by those that see themselves as less popular (whatever that even means...what criteria are they basing it on?)

Yes, there are clear displays of people shamelessly courting attention by any means, but if they need that external validation and have found an effective way to get it without deliberately hurting others, then those threads are easy to scroll past and ignore.

We can't be responsible for how other people perceive our behaviour...no matter what we do, there will be someone, somewhere that doesn't like it.

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

I thought the original “unpopular” thread was more to do with Fab itself- getting less than 10 messages a day or something... not necessarily the forum. I had understood it the other way around and that is why I posted.

I am not popular on the forum but very popular on the site in general

which is what matters to me at the end of the day. My use of the forum is very one-sided, more reading than participating- I’ve spent hours being delighted discovering music I’d never listened to on the music intro or best songs threads, there’s been some reading threads too, etc.

I always get skipped/ignored in photo challenge threads so I never bother with those. I do like looking though

So it depends on where you are popular... I just post when I feel I want to, regardless of getting a response or not.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

What it boils down to is, we are not going to like everybody we come across in life, its about we manage that..

I'm no diffrent I can behave like a twat, when somebody rubs me up the wrong way, one comment one thread with pisses me off, I can play with, letting it manifest into resentment, then it comes out in my behaviour on another thread, as I didn't manage it well and let it become an issue, then it becomes how dos my actions leave the other person feeling, bullied, excluded singlad out....is that acceptable absolutely not..but first and foremost I'm.a human which makes me fallible and open to mistakes and errors

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

If you were at work and everyone was having a general conversation and everytime you spoke you were ignored, it would make you feel a bit shit. It's probably the same here. Even if you don't believe that what they're saying is true, it's what they're feeling and shouldn't be disregarded. It's true that you only get out what you put in. But if they feel as though what they've put in was enough then I don't blame them for the upset.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Plead the 5 on this one all I want this morning is coffee and jump start

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

"I find it pathetic. I got called one of the cool kids the other day, which is laughable when you see what car I drive. "

Told you. Forum royalty

*curtsies her way out of the thread*

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By *a LunaWoman over a year ago

South Wales

I don’t know why folk start these threads. But I guess some do feel overlooked at times.

But one thing I do know, is that popularity blows in on the breeze and blows out through the door again. It’s never permanent.

I’d advise folk not to take it to heart. Just enjoy the forums, people watch and if you’re having a down day and someone says something that makes you feel like everyone else is noticed bar you, that’s not the case. That’s just a snapshot of a moment.

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By *oxy lady40Woman over a year ago

bridgwater

"I thought the original “unpopular” thread was more to do with Fab itself- getting less than 10 messages a day or something... not necessarily the forum. I had understood it the other way around and that is why I posted.

I am not popular on the forum but very popular on the site in general

I always get skipped/ignored in photo challenge threads so I never bother with those. I do like looking though

So it depends on where you are popular... I just post when I feel I want to, regardless of getting a response or not.

"
agree with this

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it? "

Or it could be that in some cases it really happens. That some people really arent as inclusive and friendly as they like to think. That like in the "real world" these fora are like a salon where some people welcome others and some people turn their backs.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t know why folk start these threads. But I guess some do feel overlooked at times.

But one thing I do know, is that popularity blows in on the breeze and blows out through the door again. It’s never permanent.

Well said. It's also not true that you've been ignored just because you don't get a reply in thread. I see lots of interesting or funny posts I don't reply to as I don't like posting too often in one thread, but I've still read and appreciated them.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am not popular on the forum but very popular on the site in general

I always get skipped/ignored in photo challenge threads so I never bother with those. I do like looking though

So it depends on where you are popular... I just post when I feel I want to, regardless of getting a response or not.

Just to pick out one comment. When we run our photo challenges we make sure we reply to everyone, as it’s important everyone is included, so please participate in ours

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

These kind of threads cause more of a divide why not just let people be

If a clique exists good luck to them

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By *asual_WandererWoman over a year ago

A spot you want me

[Removed by poster at 03/05/21 10:17:31]

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I don’t know why folk start these threads. But I guess some do feel overlooked at times.

But one thing I do know, is that popularity blows in on the breeze and blows out through the door again. It’s never permanent.

Possibly. Id add that this site and these fora are the last place you want to come if you're feeling a bit fragile, or low in esteem or confidence.

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By *atnip make me purrWoman over a year ago

Reading

Personally, I think giving over of any of your self worth to a bunch of strangers on the internet is very dangerous. The forums won't change so if they make you more unhappy than happy, it may be time to take a break. We all have our fragile times that make us hypersensitive.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Personally, I think giving over of any of your self worth to a bunch of strangers on the internet is very dangerous. The forums won't change so if they make you more unhappy than happy, it may be time to take a break. We all have our fragile times that make us hypersensitive.

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By *asual_WandererWoman over a year ago

A spot you want me

As sone have said, it's what you put in, everything begins from nothing. The regulars were new once.

I'm a newbie, I've never met any of the forumites on "the scene", just chuck yourself in and see what happens... like a big swinging metaphor ha ha

I do get its disheartening to start a thread and get no/limited answers (been there), but I would say its not unusual to put a comment in the mix and not have it directly responded to... its all in your framing as OP says - confirmation bias

Like many things, you get out what you put in "

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Them v us

It should be fun

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

I am not popular on the forum but very popular on the site in general

I always get skipped/ignored in photo challenge threads so I never bother with those. I do like looking though

So it depends on where you are popular... I just post when I feel I want to, regardless of getting a response or not.

Just to pick out one comment. When we run our photo challenges we make sure we reply to everyone, as it’s important everyone is included, so please participate in ours

The moment I hit “post” I realised I was being unfair as I haven’t really participated in any of the challenges you have organised, lovely... x it was on previous ones organised by other people. Apologies!

I am the most tone-deaf, “un-musical” person according to my family but let’s see if I can come up with something!

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By *icecouple561Couple over a year ago
Forum Mod

East Sussex

Everyone gets ignored and passed over at some time in here but some more so than others.

Everyone is guilty of ignoring or passing over certain contributors at some point intentionally or otherwise.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Everyone gets ignored and passed over at some time in here but some more so than others.

Everyone is guilty of ignoring or passing over certain contributors at some point intentionally or otherwise.

Very true

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By *nfin8yWoman over a year ago

Newcastle-under-Lyme

I started out just reading the posts and have gradually started to take part in the threads where I feel I have something to contribute or just take part in some of the games/fun. Yes it’s obvious that some people have got to know each other better over time and that’s good to see. I don’t feel excluded and I have formed individual connections. I’m very new to the idea of swinging. In honesty I’m not 100% sure I am a swinger or something else or a combination of things. I try to have fun, listen to other people’s ideas and experiences and take from them what feels most relevant to me. It’s nice to have feedback but I don’t expect it to happen automatically. I’m content just to be finding my way around at the moment.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I am not popular on the forum but very popular on the site in general

I always get skipped/ignored in photo challenge threads so I never bother with those. I do like looking though

So it depends on where you are popular... I just post when I feel I want to, regardless of getting a response or not.

Just to pick out one comment. When we run our photo challenges we make sure we reply to everyone, as it’s important everyone is included, so please participate in ours

I am the most tone-deaf, “un-musical” person according to my family but let’s see if I can come up with something!

No need to apologise

, but we’d love to see you participate

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By *asual_WandererWoman over a year ago

A spot you want me

"Is the answer to not speak out when people feel excluded? Keep their feelings inside.

People have been told to 'bottle it' and 'shut up' when they have raised issues openly.

This is a fair point though also

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"Everyone gets ignored and passed over at some time in here but some more so than others.

Everyone is guilty of ignoring or passing over certain contributors at some point intentionally or otherwise.

Agreed. I've not received replies before, even in a nocturnal thread and a photo challenge one. I still cry about it daily but I try and move on with things.

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By *rder66Man over a year ago

Tatooine

Of course there is an in group, some people on here create posts just to get their ego massaged and generaly they are the same group of people.

Once you learn who these are and what they want and no lnger give them the attention, you get ignored more then usual. I have found a good group of friends and that is what this is, searching out the good from the bad.

I have fallen into the trap of having people feel a bit neglected and understand what is is from both sides of the coin. I don't realy care if people ignore me on here as they don't know me in real life and what I have achieved in real life. If I meet some of the 'in' crowed at a social I would just ignore them based on how they like their ego massaged on here.

People do have feelings and they do get upset when they feel left out, this is not something which is fair and anybody who thinks that human emotoins are 'pathetic' are part of the problem.

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

"Everyone gets ignored and passed over at some time in here but some more so than others.

Everyone is guilty of ignoring or passing over certain contributors at some point intentionally or otherwise.

Agreed. I've not received replies before, even in a nocturnal thread and a photo challenge one. I still cry about it daily but I try and move on with things."

*sarcasm on* Very constructive.

*sarcasm off* Very unlike you, Meli.

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

From my own observations, the newbie threads that get ignored are the ones started late at night asking for phone/cam chat etc, or ones where it's the daily length v girth "debate"

I 100% believe the majority of the reason their comments don't get replied to is the lack of substance in their comment, or that their opinion may not be agreed with so rather than create what could be seen as aggro when it's merely a disagreement of opinion people choose not to engage in case it gets taken the wrong way due to not knowing how that particular person may react.

I also have found that with a good proportion of new posters they take a response on a thread as an invitation to continue immediately into ones inbox.

I get ignored too. Happens to all.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"Of course there is an in group, some people on here create posts just to get their ego massaged and generaly they are the same group of people.

People do have feelings and they do get upset when they feel left out, this is not something which is fair and anybody who thinks that human emotoins are 'pathetic' are part of the problem."

Some people do posts to cheer people up though or get a debate going. In the past I’ve done loads. Hand on heart I can say it is totally not to “be popular”! I’m probably the opposite of the attention seeker. I can’t stand that! I do like to have a laugh though and get people involved and cheer people up. It’s a bit mean when people are made out to be attention seekers if they do a lot of threads to be honest. That’s why I didn’t post on that other thread as I’d seen a lovely lady get ripped to pieces on it!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course there is an in group, some people on here create posts just to get their ego massaged and generaly they are the same group of people.

People do have feelings and they do get upset when they feel left out, this is not something which is fair and anybody who thinks that human emotoins are 'pathetic' are part of the problem."

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"Of course there is an in group, some people on here create posts just to get their ego massaged and generaly they are the same group of people.

People do have feelings and they do get upset when they feel left out, this is not something which is fair and anybody who thinks that human emotoins are 'pathetic' are part of the problem."

Great comment

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By *edheadjMan over a year ago

High Wycombe

There is cliques and groups on every walk of life.

I'm guessing it's present on here, but I'm so bad at remembering names it's got to the point where I don't read who posted the comment, just what they've submitted

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By *urls and DressesWoman over a year ago

Somewhere near here

I don’t necessarily feel there’s an in and out crowd, if there was I really couldn’t careless; I’m not a child in a playground.

I take each post as they come and whether I want to reply or not and how I reply. There are threads that are going to bore regulars because they’re done constantly and it’s the same old debates etc. Late night posts are often not to most’s cup of tea and soon get bumped down when the morning comes.

There’s no point moaning about perceptions of other people, just accept we’re all different. Be here long enough and you get to know who is who and what replies you’re like to get and what works.

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By *eliWoman over a year ago

"Everyone gets ignored and passed over at some time in here but some more so than others.

Everyone is guilty of ignoring or passing over certain contributors at some point intentionally or otherwise.

Agreed. I've not received replies before, even in a nocturnal thread and a photo challenge one. I still cry about it daily but I try and move on with things.

*sarcasm on* Very constructive.

*sarcasm off* Very unlike you, Meli. "

My post was to highlight the futile nature of overthinking certain things in a lighthearted manner.

I said in an earlier post about being inclusive - I do think the forums could be more welcoming. Definitely. I don't think that division is particularly helpful - casting aspersions about one group of people isn't particularly welcoming or inclusive and I've seen it directed at "both" groups on here.

I also think that there's a tendency to overthink things on here. Massively. Hence my tongue in cheek comment because it can get a bit daft.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Of course there is an in group, some people on here create posts just to get their ego massaged and generaly they are the same group of people.

People do have feelings and they do get upset when they feel left out, this is not something which is fair and anybody who thinks that human emotoins are 'pathetic' are part of the problem."

Love this

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Them v us

It should be fun

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Same here, I’ll chat to anyone who chats to me or responds. I do believe it’s very clique though...

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By *ssex_tomMan over a year ago

Chelmsford

There are threads on here for everyone. I tend to avoid the Clique ones, not because I am against the Clique but their threads do not usually inspire me as I am sure mine do not inspire them.

I have seen some bullying though.. the in crowd rounding on those who do not conform to their closed minds...

Fab can be cruel..

I like to bumble along like a bee,

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By *otSoPoshWoman over a year ago

In a ball gown because that's how we roll in N. Devon

I just wish everyone would stop.

Stop being divisive. Stop making divisions more obvious by keep bringing them up. Stop bitching and backbiting and baiting. Stop making veiled public comments about people they don't like. Stop taking things personally that people say that probably don't refer to you anyway.

We can't all get along all the time, as we are human, we have opinions and feelings and that doesn't work. We aren't going to make the effort to get on with people we don't like. Again, human nature. But why be bitchy about it all the damn time? We have bad days when we might say something without thinking, or with thinking and not caring, and that's understandable as (yeah, I'm repeating myself) we are human. But all the time just gets old.

Call them what you like, cliques, groups of friends, gangs, whatever. They're natural and quite frankly are good for us on the whole (when they don't turn into bullying or get destructive). But to keep talking about it just upsets people for various reasons.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I just wish everyone would stop.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

We’ve been around a few years now and it’s nearly always me L that has posted on the forum and over the years have made some lovely friends that I’m in contact with outside the forum, over the last year or so I’ve not had the time and or the enthusiasm to do much more than have a quick flick through now and again so then I don’t bother getting involved much as I can’t ‘give’ much effort to posting and keeping up with what’s going on so then I don’t feel like I SHOULD post because I don’t have the time to reply and keep up if that makes sense ? So therefore I’ve made myself feel like an outsider lol! Anyway _ello to anyone that remembers me and hope you all have a lovely bank holiday

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wish everyone would stop.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Let there be love,.love for.all.hatred for none,

Tell yourself Dave

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I do like the forums in general there very easy going, and it’s great banter

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

It’s nothing new to have those type of ‘unpopular’ people threads. A current forum user used to start them under her previous profile. I think it stems from threads not being inclusive. It’s as simple as that.

Nobody has to talk to or respond to people but if all you want to do it chat to your mates and not include others then why do it here? Why ask for opinions if you only want the popular kids views? That’s my view on it.

You said that recently on a thread Tea when we were exchanging views, sometimes you just want to talk to your friends you said. It’s fair enough but it can make others feel bad it’s naive to believe otherwise.

You can’t have a thread one minute encouraging folk to talk about what gets them down, why do they feel isolated, why are they unhappy etc and then ignore them on the next thread.

Look at Jim, Yasmeen, Ash, Mr Mystique and I’m sure a few others - they understand what being inclusive is in my opinion and have a different approach to most.

I’m here for the giggle, I’ll join in where I want and ignore what I don’t but there are an awful lot of hypocrites around when it suits the narrative.

A forum needs fresh blood and new opinions, even if it is an over done topic in order to thrive.

Be nice and kind. It works

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By *pursChick aka ShortieWoman over a year ago

On a mooch

"It’s nothing new to have those type of ‘unpopular’ people threads. A current forum user used to start them under her previous profile. I think it stems from threads not being inclusive. It’s as simple as that.

You can’t have a thread one minute encouraging folk to talk about what gets them down, why do they feel isolated, why are they unhappy etc and then ignore them on the next thread.

Look at Jim, Yasmeen, Ash, Mr Mystique and I’m sure a few others - they understand what being inclusive is in my opinion and have a different approach to most.

I’m here for the giggle, I’ll join in where I want and ignore what I don’t but there are an awful lot of hypocrites around when it suits the narrative.

A forum needs fresh blood and new opinions, even if it is an over done topic in order to thrive.

Be nice and kind. It works

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By *viatrixWoman over a year ago

Redhill

"I just wish everyone would stop.

I did wonder how productive this thread was going to be when it was posted, but fortunately it hasn’t descended to name calling or hostility of any kind... I think. It has provided insight from both sides, and that is always healthy.

There are some real contributors on this thread and on Fab in general (and yes, I do count myself as one of them) that we feel we have got sidelined on the forum over the years for whatever reason. And the proof is that I’ve got several messages from people who’ve been around about the same time as I have, but they’ve just given up posting because it is upsetting being ignored all the time. It did upset me 2-3 years ago, but quite honestly it doesn’t now because I majorly think that the clique/royalty

or “leading group” of the forum nowadays is actually kinda ok, (most of the time!) not destructive, taking over ALL of the forum and not bullying (again, most of the time...)

Still, it would be nice to be acknowledged once in a while, rather than the same 20 people replying to their mates’ threads... we choose who we make friends with but the forum is a community I’m afraid, where we might see input from people we might not be interested in BUT you never know what you may learn from them! It’s all about being inclusive, isn’t it?

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it? "

Perhaps some people genuinely feel this way and have gathered the courage to speak up and talk about their feelings? There are a lot of lonely people out there.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about

You mention the threads being passive aggressive? Surely this thread has a passive aggresive undertone?

What's your take on these 'forum challenges threads? The ones where the same members participate? Or are they ok because it is the regular forum goers that participate?

I think that if someone has the inclination, they can read a lot into someone’s postings.

This thread was to question whether it builds a divide, not to point fingers. My other threads I try to make as inclusive as I can.

I would like to think that my threads bring people together, not divide them but I’m welcome to discuss any objections or criticisms

No not at all, just curious in the motives behind it?

I was wondering how others see things like that. Personally I don’t like to see threads which are divisive or create an X vs Y attitude or at least enhance it

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wish everyone would stop.

or “leading group” of the forum nowadays is actually kinda ok, (most of the time!) not destructive, taking over ALL of the forum and not bullying (again, most of the time...)

Is.about being inclusive but not all that capability to include all unfortunately for whatever reason, how I see it its there stuff not mine

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times! "

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By *ily WhiteWoman over a year ago

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times! "

But the world can be shit for every single one of us...it's how you (generic you, not personal) deal with things that makes a difference to the outcomes. I used to be what some people would have classed as one of the popular users on her, but I used to spend a lot of time posting and joining in...now it's lost a lot of it's sparkle for me, I lurk and rarely post, and I'm ignored more often than not. It doesn't bother me in the slightest, I'll post anyway if I feel I've got something to add to the conversation...and I'm aware that people read stuff and don't reply for whatever reason as well.

I would suggest that people who feel they're being ignored look at what threads they're joining...the ones where it's obviously a group of friends having a conversation about an inside joke or story are not going to be the most inclusive, they're probably not going to share the joke and let "outsiders" in. To me that is only going to have the outcome of making you feel more isolated if you're already feeling that way...join in with the more general discussions or some of the silly threads and you'll probably find that the reaction from people will be different.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times! "

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times!

Oh I completely get you! 100% and I understand everyone's point of view from it.

(I just want to say that my comments on here are not how I feel from my time on here.)

I've seen comments on the forum/real life and can see the upset and I put myself in their shoes and it hurts my heart.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t know why folk start these threads. But I guess some do feel overlooked at times.

But one thing I do know, is that popularity blows in on the breeze and blows out through the door again. It’s never permanent.

There's loads of posts on this thread I'd give a

to or a reply to.

I want to reply to the people who replied to my posts up the thread but can't as it would just be a load of my replies.

I like that people are giving different experiences from all the different 'sides' (aspects?) of the forum. I think it's good to try and see other people's perspectives.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times! "

Completely agree with this.

When we had to shield i really realied on the forums for social interaction.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I don’t know why folk start these threads. But I guess some do feel overlooked at times.

But one thing I do know, is that popularity blows in on the breeze and blows out through the door again. It’s never permanent.

There's loads of posts on this thread I'd give a

to or a reply to.

I want to reply to the people who replied to my posts up the thread but can't as it would just be a load of my replies.

I like that people are giving different experiences from all the different 'sides' (aspects?) of the forum. I think it's good to try and see other people's perspectives.

This is often my issue too. I want to reply to several people, but you can’t. So you have to pick just one

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By *hrista BellendWoman over a year ago

surrounded by twinkly lights

"I don’t know why folk start these threads. But I guess some do feel overlooked at times.

But one thing I do know, is that popularity blows in on the breeze and blows out through the door again. It’s never permanent.

There's loads of posts on this thread I'd give a

to or a reply to.

I want to reply to the people who replied to my posts up the thread but can't as it would just be a load of my replies.

I like that people are giving different experiences from all the different 'sides' (aspects?) of the forum. I think it's good to try and see other people's perspectives.

This is why I use the reply privately button as I want to speak to them but don't want to clog up the thread

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Some people get their posts replied to . Some don't.

When people post and no-one ever replies it can feel shit. Like they are deliberately ignored.

It can be like sat in a corner alone in a busy vibrant pub.

The answer is to chat to people. But if they don't chat back and everyone else is chatting... then what."

I suppose then what is push through those feelings, and keep trying

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By *elloWoman over a year ago

alpha centauri

I've been on the forums for many, many, many years.

I go through phases of just lurking and phases of posting.

This irregularity in posting has resulted in me not forming the relationships with other forumites that so many others have.

I post what I like on whatever thread takes my fancy.

Getting a reply, I don't deem to be important because I am aware that there are more lurkers on here than posters,

so if the posters don't notice my post and I get over looked I'm sure the lurkers have noticed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I'm not them or us. I belong in no category

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Personally i think you are over thinking it and like most fab threads, it is just tongue in cheek and designed to generate conversation /connection, just like yours is, but with a different title

There's other subjects that press my buttons, so i just ignore those and keep scrolling until i find a topic i like.... but I'd not want to stop them posting, as it all adds to the rich tapestry of the forum..and how boring if we all felt, thought, acted the same

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I just wish everyone would stop.

So ignore them then?

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I just wish everyone would stop.

or “leading group” of the forum nowadays is actually kinda ok, (most of the time!) not destructive, taking over ALL of the forum and not bullying (again, most of the time...)

I think you're right. But I also think inclusive is very easy to say and sometimes harder to be... "being inclusive" also probably means different things to different people.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

When I first started using the forums last July it was busier with a wider mix of people.

Over the months quite a few of them have stopped using the forum or left the site. After Christmas I took three months off and came back. And the forum is a lot quieter with less variety - this might change once lockdowns finish and people can meet up again.

At the moment I browse the forum sporadically and post when I feel like it. If I get a reply that's good but if not I know that someone will probably still read the post.

But if someone would like to join in with some of the more game-like threads and they put in effort and they still get ignored then that will dishearten them and make them feel 'ignored' (especially when some of those threads in the first post say 'newbies and lurkers welcome').

And from observation I also think that some of those who say 'be nice'/'inclusive' are some of the first to say 'it's only a joke' or 'put in more effort' or 'it's only banter' when someone does mention feeling ignored/disheartened.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

"These kind of threads cause more of a divide why not just let people be

If a clique exists good luck to them"

Exactly this.

I perceive the "unpopular" threads as people being pissed off they're not included by the "popular" people. So basically they wanna be popular, and considered "better than" someone else. How fucked up is that?

I'm not always replied to or get nice messages on the Secret Service thread, but I'll still take part, if I'm in the mood.

I'm more inclined to engage with positive people rather than Negative Nellies. The whinging "why me" "why no response" etc threads just wind folk up.

Fab is not always the place to cure your insecurities.

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By *an4funMan over a year ago

london

You can’t have a thread one minute encouraging folk to talk about what gets them down, why do they feel isolated, why are they unhappy etc and then ignore them on the next thread.

Look at Jim, Yasmeen, Ash, Mr Mystique and I’m sure a few others - they understand what being inclusive is in my opinion and have a different approach to most.

I’m here for the giggle, I’ll join in where I want and ignore what I don’t but there are an awful lot of hypocrites around when it suits the narrative.

A forum needs fresh blood and new opinions, even if it is an over done topic in order to thrive.

Be nice and kind. It works

It does feel like there is a forum elite. Or rather, those that believe they have earned their stripes and therefore are superior. Cliques are part of life. Birds of a feather flock together. The forums are for everyone. They belong to no one group. The site owners can claim ownership of the forum and all of it's threads and posts and they can turn the whole thing off with one click.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

"These kind of threads cause more of a divide why not just let people be

If a clique exists good luck to them

Exactly this.

I'm not always replied to or get nice messages on the Secret Service thread, but I'll still take part, if I'm in the mood.

I'm more inclined to engage with positive people rather than Negative Nellies. The whinging "why me" "why no response" etc threads just wind folk up.

Fab is not always the place to cure your insecurities.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

[Removed by poster at 03/05/21 14:46:38]

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I've been called fab royalty. I've had people assume that I get loads of messages off the back of forum games etc and that they don't message thinking everyone else has, this was said by more than one person. I've also had it said that I'm unobtainable, regarded as something I don't even want to type on here.

So I think perception is a mighty thing and often very wrong.

I just post wherever and whenever without much thought to who else has posted or created the thread. I would just like to be accepted for who I am and there be nothing else to it at all. I find it upsetting that people would think the above of me. But then it is just a forum and doesn't affect my daily life or the reason for being on here in the first place.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about

You mention the threads being passive aggressive? Surely this thread has a passive aggresive undertone?

What's your take on these 'forum challenges threads? The ones where the same members participate? Or are they ok because it is the regular forum goers that participate?

I think that if someone has the inclination, they can read a lot into someone’s postings.

This thread was to question whether it builds a divide, not to point fingers. My other threads I try to make as inclusive as I can.

I would like to think that my threads bring people together, not divide them but I’m welcome to discuss any objections or criticisms

No not at all, just curious in the motives behind it?

I was wondering how others see things like that. Personally I don’t like to see threads which are divisive or create an X vs Y attitude or at least enhance it "

It seems that is exactly what you have done though. Not sure what you expected.

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By *ed VoluptaWoman over a year ago

Wirral.

"I've been called fab royalty. I've had people assume that I get loads of messages off the back of forum games etc and that they don't message thinking everyone else has, this was said by more than one person. I've also had it said that I'm unobtainable, regarded as something I don't even want to type on here.

So I think perception is a mighty thing and often very wrong.

I'm sorry people have said that to you. I imagine that because they think you're beautiful, their own insecurities come to the fore. It's unfair to project them onto you. But hey, they feel better!

As a middle aged chubster I often think "He'll never fancy me" so don't message him. I wouldn't dream of voicing it publically, though.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

So I think perception is a mighty thing and often very wrong.

I've been called fab royalty too. I think it was meant kindly, but it actually made me feel a bit weird, like that person felt I was unapproachable and I didn't like that as I'm always nice to everyone, I think so anyway.

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By *ora the explorerWoman over a year ago

Paradise, Herts

So I think perception is a mighty thing and often very wrong.

Me too and totally agree with this. Well said x

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

You can’t have a thread one minute encouraging folk to talk about what gets them down, why do they feel isolated, why are they unhappy etc and then ignore them on the next thread.

Look at Jim, Yasmeen, Ash, Mr Mystique and I’m sure a few others - they understand what being inclusive is in my opinion and have a different approach to most.

I’m here for the giggle, I’ll join in where I want and ignore what I don’t but there are an awful lot of hypocrites around when it suits the narrative.

A forum needs fresh blood and new opinions, even if it is an over done topic in order to thrive.

Be nice and kind. It works

In terms of feeling like you’re directly saying that to me, I’ve never claimed to be the welcome mat for the forums and sometimes I don’t have the time or mental energy for responding to everyone.

If we’re going to be nice and kind, surely that starts with ourselves?

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about

You mention the threads being passive aggressive? Surely this thread has a passive aggresive undertone?

What's your take on these 'forum challenges threads? The ones where the same members participate? Or are they ok because it is the regular forum goers that participate?

I think that if someone has the inclination, they can read a lot into someone’s postings.

This thread was to question whether it builds a divide, not to point fingers. My other threads I try to make as inclusive as I can.

I would like to think that my threads bring people together, not divide them but I’m welcome to discuss any objections or criticisms

No not at all, just curious in the motives behind it?

I was wondering how others see things like that. Personally I don’t like to see threads which are divisive or create an X vs Y attitude or at least enhance it

It seems that is exactly what you have done though. Not sure what you expected. "

We aren't school children but we are adults. And hopefully are capable of more empathy and understanding than school children. I'm not sure anyone is berating anyone. Just swapping experiences and thoughts.

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By *rumpyMcFuckNuggetMan over a year ago

Den of Iniquity

So I think perception is a mighty thing and often very wrong.

Totally agree with this. I've had the same

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times! "

This is it. Why can't someone have an 'unpopular' thread. The title is tongue in cheek. Why does it have to be questioned. Being constantly ignored on threads does hurt,I feel as though I am pointless. To find a little corner is a relief. Why degrade it and question and belittle our feelings. I started a personal thread a few days ago which turned in to a total nightmare. There are some amazing people on here but I won't be flirting anymore. I won't be doing much in the furom anymore. Please stop picking apart my little bit of fun. Sorry I'm not as articulate as alot on here. I'm just me.

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By *parkle1974Woman over a year ago

Leeds

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times!

No-one should be apologising for being themselves. You come across as a fun person. I saw your thread the other day. I do hope you are ok and if you ever need a friend or an ear to bend then you know where to find me xx

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times!

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times!

And your enough always remember that, be you despite what happens or goes on here... and don't let others stop you from using the forums, find that corner u mentioned claim it n rock it

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By *rincess peachWoman over a year ago

shits creek

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times!

You matter. I promise.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

I have a handfull of friends from the forums.

More dislike me than like me.

This is the same as the real world though and just a human thing.

I see no issue with friends replying anf joking with each other, even if it is an "in" joke.

It is only not ok if it used hatefully.

If 1 friend doesnt like someone for them all to jump on that person and aim to derail or argue on anything they say.

That is when it changes from friendships to bullies.

I dont see the harm in the "unpopular" gang threads if its for a laugh, if its to stereotype or then try to isolate those people percieve as popular then that is not ok.

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about

You mention the threads being passive aggressive? Surely this thread has a passive aggresive undertone?

What's your take on these 'forum challenges threads? The ones where the same members participate? Or are they ok because it is the regular forum goers that participate?

I think that if someone has the inclination, they can read a lot into someone’s postings.

This thread was to question whether it builds a divide, not to point fingers. My other threads I try to make as inclusive as I can.

I would like to think that my threads bring people together, not divide them but I’m welcome to discuss any objections or criticisms

No not at all, just curious in the motives behind it?

I was wondering how others see things like that. Personally I don’t like to see threads which are divisive or create an X vs Y attitude or at least enhance it

It seems that is exactly what you have done though. Not sure what you expected. "

Right, ok.

To have a discussion about others thoughts about it.

Which contrary to what some might think about me, is all I ever want to do

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By * AND R 777Couple over a year ago

Teesside

We use fab to keep in touch with frinds from the swinging world(and meet new frinds) how can people who mostly only chat on forums be the popular ones on a swinging site

. Ow and yes no one ever answers or posts

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By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

"With everything going on at the moment, this forum could be someone's only chance to communicate with someone that day. To then feel not included must feel so hard.

The world can be a shit and lonely place at times!

I’m not saying that you can’t. My point is that dividing the people into popular and unpopular is undermining both groups. Someone recently asserted that I’m popular, which is ridiculous, I just post a lot. But in drawing those lines, I think that it creates an X vs Y atmosphere, people become dismissive and argumentative in terms of ‘you’re too popular’, etc.

Whilst it’s a joke, it can still draw more lines

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By *abs..Woman over a year ago

You can’t have a thread one minute encouraging folk to talk about what gets them down, why do they feel isolated, why are they unhappy etc and then ignore them on the next thread.

Look at Jim, Yasmeen, Ash, Mr Mystique and I’m sure a few others - they understand what being inclusive is in my opinion and have a different approach to most.

I’m here for the giggle, I’ll join in where I want and ignore what I don’t but there are an awful lot of hypocrites around when it suits the narrative.

A forum needs fresh blood and new opinions, even if it is an over done topic in order to thrive.

Be nice and kind. It works

If we’re going to be nice and kind, surely that starts with ourselves? "

I am directly replying to your opening comment with my personal opinion, no more or less, Tea.

Nobody has suggested that you’re the ‘welcome mat’ as you put it, as far as I’m aware.

You may not have the mental energy to reply, I appreciate that but likewise you can’t dismiss the feelings of those that are upset by being overlooked or left out, they make their way to the forums to engage with others, presumably like most people do. It’s a public forum, not just a friends group.

If people have the time and inclination to reply to friends then they should be able to reply to others surely?

Yes, you should be kind to yourself, of course but if it is at the expense of others then I would question what I was doing and how I was approaching it - again, a personal view.

This is just my observation, this whole thing doesn’t affect me but I do find it unsettling to see people upset over this stuff.

We don’t agree on these things Tea, and that’s fine. It’s your experience so you do what makes you happy

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By *onkyLemonsCouple over a year ago

Nottingham

I’d consider myself to be a forum wallflower lol mostly I get overlooked and no one interacts with us but the chat can move soo fast, so no offence taken!

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By *isAdventure69Woman over a year ago

Hampshire

Whilst it’s a joke, it can still draw more lines"

But there is an obvious divide...

What you're suggesting is that it should be swept under the carpet, not talked about because ... what? It reinforce a divide that's already there and makes for uncomfortable reading ?

Whoever feels left out has a much right to bring it to the forefront as the people wanting Fabs , discussing boob sizes, oofts or ranting about single men.

By making a thread questioning the validity of their threads you are in my opinion belittling the value of their feelings.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

Whilst it’s a joke, it can still draw more lines

But there is an obvious divide...

What you're suggesting is that it should be swept under the carpet, not talked about because ... what? It reinforce a divide that's already there and makes for uncomfortable reading ?

Whoever feels left out has a much right to bring it to the forefront as the people wanting Fabs , discussing boob sizes, oofts or ranting about single men.

By making a thread questioning the validity of their threads you are in my opinion belittling the value of their feelings. "

There is something somewhat surreal in people saying "discuss the divides" "but only if you agree they don't exist or shouldnt be discussed because that causes divides"

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it? "

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

Labeling popular or unpopular does cause division amongst ppl, then these are further developed and ingrained, through the experience ppl have using the forums. If I'm constantly overlooked and ignored, despite making tho effort, to ingratiate myself, then I start to believe that I'm not popular worthy of an answer etc. And can't play with the cool kids...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others.."

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun."

Yes you Yasmeen, I myself am in no clique, and see and take the forums for what they...these are just my observations of using the forums, that being said it doesn't detract from the fact there is a clear divide on the forums.and peoples experience and feelings are minimised on here, if they have the audacity to express these things on an open forum, piss taking spin off threads are made, ppl are jumped on it happens on here

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

Yes you are very inclusive Yasmeen, sorry missed that bit out totally

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Whilst it’s a joke, it can still draw more lines

But there is an obvious divide...

What you're suggesting is that it should be swept under the carpet, not talked about because ... what? It reinforce a divide that's already there and makes for uncomfortable reading ?

Whoever feels left out has a much right to bring it to the forefront as the people wanting Fabs , discussing boob sizes, oofts or ranting about single men.

By making a thread questioning the validity of their threads you are in my opinion belittling the value of their feelings. "

Thank you for that comment. I was lost for words. I feel like I was dismissed. I don't think that anybody is offended by the 'unpopular' thread. It has amazed me who would pop in. Everyone feels rejected at times and nobody is trying to cause a divide.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

Yes you are very inclusive Yasmeen, sorry missed that bit out totally

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

Whilst it’s a joke, it can still draw more lines

But there is an obvious divide...

What you're suggesting is that it should be swept under the carpet, not talked about because ... what? It reinforce a divide that's already there and makes for uncomfortable reading ?

Whoever feels left out has a much right to bring it to the forefront as the people wanting Fabs , discussing boob sizes, oofts or ranting about single men.

By making a thread questioning the validity of their threads you are in my opinion belittling the value of their feelings.

Xxxxxx _ello you x

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Hello Yasmeen

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"Hello Yasmeen

Xxxx sexy xx

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun."

That's good for you. But it's not everyone's experience of them. And just saying it... Doesn't make it so

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

That's good for you. But it's not everyone's experience of them. And just saying it... Doesn't make it so"

So change it then

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

That's good for you. But it's not everyone's experience of them. And just saying it... Doesn't make it so

So change it then"

Yasmeen, we can't unfortunately change others only what we do.

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

That's good for you. But it's not everyone's experience of them. And just saying it... Doesn't make it so

So change it then"

I'm intrigued how you think I might change it? Please explain. As I have zero control over anyone on here apart from myself.

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

That's good for you. But it's not everyone's experience of them. And just saying it... Doesn't make it so

So change it then

Yasmeen, we can't unfortunately change others only what we do."

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

Each of us sees inclusion from our own developmental perspective. Some feel it similarly to feeling the need to be part of a particular tribe, based on being nice to each other, some see it based on their particular interests, skills and knowledge, some are more self determining and autonomous and move increasingly fluidly and others deliberately attempt to create more inclusive communities. As communities evolve they become more inclusive, from primitive tribes, through ethnocentric groups, to enterprise groups, to global and cosmocentric communities. As they evolve they become more, inclusive, compassionate, loving and peaceful. Fab, its chatrooms and forum has a way to go...

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"OP, would you berate school children for sticking to their group of friends, even though the whole school is in the playground?

To me this place is just the same, there will be groups of friends who naturally gravitate to each others posts.

And the new kid always has a hard job fitting in until they find their group of friends.

Nope but when people start attaching labels of ‘popular’ and ‘unpopular’ then its building divides.

Also we’re not children.

It’s not the groups that are the issue or finding connections, it’s the division and confirmation biases that are being built that I’m asking about"

but last week we were labelling thread ideas as content as being owned by certain forum posters - so are is labelling and categorising only ok when it suits?

because that also seemed like pretty childish and division creating behaviour between those allowed to start threads and those not

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

No way am I reading all this thread, there’s some really long answer’s, so I’m going to jump to some pretty wild conclusions based on my own uniformed bias. Firstly, ah I can’t be arsed.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"I just wish everyone would stop.

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By *stbury DavenportMan over a year ago

Nottingham

Hi. I'm an "outsider". Always have been. Since long before I knew it, in fact. Not by choice. You don't get a choice in things like that.

It's not "self-defeating confirmation bias" or "[elevating] others to a position of effective superiority". It's just an observation of demonstrable reality. Cries of "Stop talking yourself down!" are often used as a cudgel to prevent people addressing issues that others find uncomfortable or inconvenient.

Drawing attention to the existence of a division does not *cause* the division. It just makes it harder for people who want to pretend it doesn't exist to go on denying it.

My only problem with the "Unpopular" threads was that they were immediately hijacked by popular people loudly denying their own popularity.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

It's other people that make others so called popular or unpopular. Mentality was mentioned. It's about how other people make us feel. No point saying we should know our own worth but this site is about making friends and connections. I've had men turn their back on me because I'm not very confident. Since the announcement of the MLS it's got worse. Why does something that can help people with there confidence have to be pulled apart. Last week I was totally ripped apart for asking a personal question. Now I'm seething because something so insignificant is been questioned. I'm going to leave it there because my language and name calling will get me a life ban.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"Drawing attention to the existence of a division does not *cause* the division. It just makes it harder for people who want to pretend it doesn't exist to go on denying it.

My only problem with the "Unpopular" threads was that they were immediately hijacked by popular people loudly denying their own popularity. "

This is very true ... sadly

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By *iss_tressWoman over a year ago

London

If people are losing sleep about being popular or not on an online sex site they need to log off and have a deep discussion with themself!

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By *iamondsmiles.Woman over a year ago

little house on the praire

It makes no difference if someone is popular or not. People come and go. Ive seen leaving threads where people have said the forums wouldnt be the same without them and a week later they where forgotton.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

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By *ackformore100Man over a year ago

Tin town

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

That's good for you. But it's not everyone's experience of them. And just saying it... Doesn't make it so

So change it then"

Very helpful and empathetic _asmeen

Reply privately (closed, thread got too big)

By *ea monkey OP Man over a year ago

Manchester (he/him)

I recognise that people are angered, hurt and frustrated by this topic.

It wasn’t my intent to cause anger or to hurt people. My intent was to ask a question and to see what others think about the topic, as is always my aim.

I don’t always approach topics with a clear opinion, only to prompt thought and discussion. For those of you who assume that I’m trying to be divisive, claim that I have an ulterior motive or believe myself superior, you couldn’t be further from the truth.

It has always been my intent to raise topics of discussion, topics that I find interesting and that I think others will have input in or that I believe are pertinent to fab or the greater human condition.

I realise that not everyone likes me, I realise that my posting style can rub people up the wrong way. The most basic point though is that I never want or intend others to be hurt by my questions or threads. For the few who know me personally, they will know that is completely contrary to who I am as a person and what I believe in.

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By (user no longer on site) over a year ago

"It makes no difference if someone is popular or not. People come and go. Ive seen leaving threads where people have said the forums wouldnt be the same without them and a week later they where forgotton. "

Indeed the the Fab forum graveyard is full of the headstones and obituaries of indispensable forum users

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

My thoughts, like any coming together of groups of people there are those that are deemed as popular, fir whatever reason, and those that are deemed not. Its the way of things...

And I'll reiterate my early point in my first comments, there is an hierarchy on the forums, the same ppl send the same ppl messages..at the expense of others feelings.

My observations are, those who claim and shout the loudest about no cliques etc, are the ones who are involved I the cliques and not including others..

I'm in no clique and always involve everyone people moan about this or that not being fair etc remove your self from said clique

Take it for what it's meant to be fun.

That's good for you. But it's not everyone's experience of them. And just saying it... Doesn't make it so

So change it then

Very helpful and empathetic _asmeen "

Very.

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By *ssex_tomMan over a year ago

Chelmsford

I have been called forum royalty and many other compliments... I have many followers..

It's all bullshit..

I post..like it or loathe it..

Like it...Happy Days

Loathe it.. move on

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By *heNYCSausageMan over a year ago

Everton

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it? "

Ok, I know I like to bring the banter and have a laugh but this is me, 100% genuine, cards on the table.

I see myself as an outsider who’s trying to fit in. I have aspergers and it makes me really struggle in social environments.

I know some people here don’t like me, and I know some people here do. I’m just being me, I like humour, I use it everywhere as my defence mechanism.

I’ve had private conversations on here (and meets) from people I genuinely consider to be forum royalty. And I’ve met people I call forumites (those that are known but not quite there yet).

One day I hope to be accepted

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By *asmeenTV/TS over a year ago

STOKE ON TRENT

"I’ve seen a few threads about ‘unpopular gang’ or ‘ignored’, etc, recently and it makes me wonder about the mentality of it.

Personally I think that defining yourself as unpopular or ignored is a self defeating confirmation bias and it elevates others to a position of effective superiority, something that I disagree with.

I know that many will respond with ‘it’s just a joke’ but these kind of ‘jokes’ are based in truth and can be passive aggressive in nature or self harming.

What are your thoughts on it?

Ok, I know I like to bring the banter and have a laugh but this is me, 100% genuine, cards on the table.

I see myself as an outsider who’s trying to fit in. I have aspergers and it makes me really struggle in social environments.

I know some people here don’t like me, and I know some people here do. I’m just being me, I like humour, I use it everywhere as my defence mechanism.

I’ve had private conversations on here (and meets) from people I genuinely consider to be forum royalty. And I’ve met people I call forumites (those that are known but not quite there yet).

One day I hope to be accepted

"
.xx

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