FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Indecisive and dithering people
Indecisive and dithering people
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Sorry to rant, but do any here encounter many dithering people? This annoys me soooo much, especially the ones that chat for ages and seem to be keen, then they end up proclaiming: I thought I could see you but I don’t think I can.
For whatever reason, can be X Y Z
But it just annoys how some just end up wasting time and it’s because they are indecisive ...
I kinda prefer to be told than the ones that just end up ghosting ... but still, time wasters...
Does this happen a lot to you? And how do you handle the situation?
Ps: thankfully there’s a bunch of also nice people who end up going ahead and being decisive lol |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Apart from meets in particular, I also dislike people who can’t make a decision ever...for example little things like taking an hour to decide what they want from breakfast. And still being unsure if they did the right thing picking cereals instead of a croissant 
Rant over |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I used to be indecisive technically.
I didn't want to take control of things so I would always try to find consensus
Now I just make decisions and if I need to change them so be it
Having to change decisions doesn't mean you were wrong. It just means you have better information now
Don't be afraid to ask for what you want |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Hmm I guess I fall into this category. I take my time to make sure I select the right people to meet. Seems to work for me though as I've never met a wrong'un. People who try to rush it aren't suited to me.
Meh. Just different ways of doing things I guess. But I wouldn't say that people that dither are all time wasters. I think that's an unfair assumption. It's like me saying that all those that like to meet quickly are pushy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Is this about people in supermarkets who look at what Dairylea Lunchables they want for ages, so I have to pretend I’m looking for something else, cause they’re stood in the way, when I know exactly what Dairylea Lunchable I want. This isn’t about Dairylea Lunchables is it ?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sorry to rant, but do any here encounter many dithering people? This annoys me soooo much, especially the ones that chat for ages and seem to be keen, then they end up proclaiming: I thought I could see you but I don’t think I can.
For whatever reason, can be X Y Z
But it just annoys how some just end up wasting time and it’s because they are indecisive ...
I kinda prefer to be told than the ones that just end up ghosting ... but still, time wasters...
Does this happen a lot to you? And how do you handle the situation?
Ps: thankfully there’s a bunch of also nice people who end up going ahead and being decisive lol "
Maybe they just want a fuck n go... then after they've chatted to you for a while they really like you and feel they can't be mean to you so say they can't meet after all.  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
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I'm one of those "indecisive" people. I know I am. I like talking to people and finding out how compatible we are, how keen I am. Sometimes things are said or I see certain things and then let people know that I don't actually want to meet them. I'm not time wasting, I'm being honest and moving at a pace I'm comfortable at. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmm I guess I fall into this category. I take my time to make sure I select the right people to meet. Seems to work for me though as I've never met a wrong'un. People who try to rush it aren't suited to me.
Meh. Just different ways of doing things I guess. But I wouldn't say that people that dither are all time wasters. I think that's an unfair assumption. It's like me saying that all those that like to meet quickly are pushy. "
I agree with this. Im not indecisive. I know what i want so when people try to cause me to deviate from that i can become distant. It also boils my piss when I express an interest in someone and the person says ok lets meet today then.....erm wtf? I don’t even know your name. Slow down there bucko. Times i’ve called out this behaviour the person(s) have disappeared |
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I'm sure I come across as indecisive & a potential time waster.
I like a bit of chat, want to know if we will be compatible.
I know how precious everyone's time is & won't commit to a meet until I can guarantee I'm free.
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"Sorry to rant, but do any here encounter many dithering people? This annoys me soooo much, especially the ones that chat for ages and seem to be keen, then they end up proclaiming: I thought I could see you but I don’t think I can.
For whatever reason, can be X Y Z
But it just annoys how some just end up wasting time and it’s because they are indecisive ...
I kinda prefer to be told than the ones that just end up ghosting ... but still, time wasters...
Does this happen a lot to you? And how do you handle the situation?
Ps: thankfully there’s a bunch of also nice people who end up going ahead and being decisive lol "
Ooh. I'm don't know.. |
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I've always gone on the thinking that the worst decision you can make is not making one at all. Great believer of going with your gut instinct, if it turns out to the the wrong decision at least you made one and can learn from it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hmm I guess I fall into this category. I take my time to make sure I select the right people to meet. Seems to work for me though as I've never met a wrong'un. People who try to rush it aren't suited to me.
Meh. Just different ways of doing things I guess. But I wouldn't say that people that dither are all time wasters. I think that's an unfair assumption. It's like me saying that all those that like to meet quickly are pushy. "
This is me too. I definitely prefer to chat and get to know someone before agreeing to meet. It’s not just the physical connection for me, I want to make sure we can have a laugh and actually have a conversation as well as hot, filthy sex. If they’re not willing to converse then they’re not the guy for me  |
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By *DW1983Man
over a year ago
Aberdeen, Leeds, Sheffield |
I'm not sure it's time wasted if they get into a conversation with you, and then as it develops and they get to know a bit more realise you're maybe not the person they are looking to play with. That seems pretty sensible, and polite to just say 'hey, sorry, I don't want to take this further'. Better than agreeing a meet and not turning up.
If there was never any intent to meet in the first place if course, that's a different story. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Hmm I guess I fall into this category. I take my time to make sure I select the right people to meet. Seems to work for me though as I've never met a wrong'un. People who try to rush it aren't suited to me.
Meh. Just different ways of doing things I guess. But I wouldn't say that people that dither are all time wasters. I think that's an unfair assumption. It's like me saying that all those that like to meet quickly are pushy. "
Oh i like to take my time myself as well but was more like been months of talking and planning to then say. Oh actually I thought I can but I can’t.
I understand that I’m trans and some guys find it difficult to get head round it especially if first timers. But pisses me off how it was like chatting, sexting etc planning and then. Actually no. It’s very dithering behaviour but whatever I’m over it |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure it's time wasted if they get into a conversation with you, and then as it develops and they get to know a bit more realise you're maybe not the person they are looking to play with. That seems pretty sensible, and polite to just say 'hey, sorry, I don't want to take this further'. Better than agreeing a meet and not turning up.
If there was never any intent to meet in the first place if course, that's a different story."
Of course absolutely, this is very true. It’s more like scrap and move on. Tho I feel like I did waste my time and got taken a bit for a ride when it was convenient and sexy for them .... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure it's time wasted if they get into a conversation with you, and then as it develops and they get to know a bit more realise you're maybe not the person they are looking to play with. That seems pretty sensible, and polite to just say 'hey, sorry, I don't want to take this further'. Better than agreeing a meet and not turning up.
If there was never any intent to meet in the first place if course, that's a different story.
Of course absolutely, this is very true. It’s more like scrap and move on. Tho I feel like I did waste my time and got taken a bit for a ride when it was convenient and sexy for them .... "
If you want to know what wasting your time feels like, watch The Lone Ranger |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is this about people in supermarkets who look at what Dairylea Lunchables they want for ages, so I have to pretend I’m looking for something else, cause they’re stood in the way, when I know exactly what Dairylea Lunchable I want. This isn’t about Dairylea Lunchables is it ?!"
Hahaha it can also be about that to be fair, it’s about every dithering person and behaviour. Whatever you interpret it really.
Like it pisses me off when some take ages to pick this or that. And not only they take ages, they then end up saying: actually no I won’t have any.
JUST DECIDE what you want!
I don’t know I guess I’m a person that knows what I like and stick to it. (I’m not talking necessarily about guys here but it can be about anything)
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure it's time wasted if they get into a conversation with you, and then as it develops and they get to know a bit more realise you're maybe not the person they are looking to play with. That seems pretty sensible, and polite to just say 'hey, sorry, I don't want to take this further'. Better than agreeing a meet and not turning up.
If there was never any intent to meet in the first place if course, that's a different story.
Of course absolutely, this is very true. It’s more like scrap and move on. Tho I feel like I did waste my time and got taken a bit for a ride when it was convenient and sexy for them ....
If you want to know what wasting your time feels like, watch The Lone Ranger"
The film with Johnny Deep? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Is this about people in supermarkets who look at what Dairylea Lunchables they want for ages, so I have to pretend I’m looking for something else, cause they’re stood in the way, when I know exactly what Dairylea Lunchable I want. This isn’t about Dairylea Lunchables is it ?!"
Lol, you do tickle me. (But yes, those supermarket people are bloody annoying) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm not sure it's time wasted if they get into a conversation with you, and then as it develops and they get to know a bit more realise you're maybe not the person they are looking to play with. That seems pretty sensible, and polite to just say 'hey, sorry, I don't want to take this further'. Better than agreeing a meet and not turning up.
If there was never any intent to meet in the first place if course, that's a different story.
Of course absolutely, this is very true. It’s more like scrap and move on. Tho I feel like I did waste my time and got taken a bit for a ride when it was convenient and sexy for them ....
If you want to know what wasting your time feels like, watch The Lone Ranger
The film with Johnny Deep? "
Yes 2 hours and a half that I won't get back ! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Is this about people in supermarkets who look at what Dairylea Lunchables they want for ages, so I have to pretend I’m looking for something else, cause they’re stood in the way, when I know exactly what Dairylea Lunchable I want. This isn’t about Dairylea Lunchables is it ?!
Lol, you do tickle me. (But yes, those supermarket people are bloody annoying)"
He did tickle me too. But I can totes relate, especially pretending to look at different milks while ur waiting for them to freaking pick something!! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You aren’t guaranteed or entitled to a meet regardless of how long you’ve been chatting. People are allowed to change their minds. We’ve spoken to many people. Thought they were ok and then something has changed our minds. And we aren’t gonna meet or fuck them for the sake of it.
Forgot it. Move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
J |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"You aren’t guaranteed or entitled to a meet regardless of how long you’ve been chatting. People are allowed to change their minds. We’ve spoken to many people. Thought they were ok and then something has changed our minds. And we aren’t gonna meet or fuck them for the sake of it.
Forgot it. Move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
J "
Absolutely right everyone is entitled to change their mind and refrain from it , on the other hand, am I entitled to be annoyed about the behaviour or........  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You aren’t guaranteed or entitled to a meet regardless of how long you’ve been chatting. People are allowed to change their minds. We’ve spoken to many people. Thought they were ok and then something has changed our minds. And we aren’t gonna meet or fuck them for the sake of it.
Forgot it. Move on. There are plenty more fish in the sea.
J
Absolutely right everyone is entitled to change their mind and refrain from it , on the other hand, am I entitled to be annoyed about the behaviour or........ "
It's up to you what you get annoyed about...we simply disagree that it's worth worrying about.
Lu  |
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We make it quite clear in our profile that we're not going to rush into anything and will take the time we feel we need to make our minds up about someone. That's us being honest and it means chatting and meeting socially before we decide if anything else will happen. It's not being indecisive, it's being selective. Unlike appearance, personality takes time to assess, friednship takes time to develop and we're not going to have fun with anyone we don't feel entirely comfortable with.
Of course the myriad guys who don't read profiles won't know any of that and may consequently mark us down as indecisive, timewasters, fakes or worse. That's their prerogative as it is ours to ignore them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yep. We like to get to know people before we meet them to make sure we’re compatible but we’ve had those that blow hot and cold. You just know it’s never going to amount to anything.
For us personally we’ve found it tends to be couples who have been on Fab for a number of years and had only one or two meets in all that time. We avoid them now as we’d rather spend time with those who are comfortable with what they are doing.
V
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