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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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Looking to canvas peoples thoughts on this.
Some messages you saying they are "kinky" or into SM etc and then say they have "no limits"
Do people not understand what they are saying? Do they think that's what people want to hear? Are they just desperate?
Curious |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Had alot of guys telling me they are "up for anything" most soon find they aren't!   "
Exactly!
I can understand not knowing it's a limit etc but a little thought would go a long way! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think they are just niave. Maybe less exposed to kink. I see lots of women talking up their naughtiness and kink and more often than not find pretty early they have limits in things I would consider minimum vanilla requirement, oral, anal, cum over their face/tits, dressing them up like a kitten with a tail buttplug and making them drink from a bowl whilst I spank them.  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I think they are just niave. Maybe less exposed to kink. I see lots of women talking up their naughtiness and kink and more often than not find pretty early they have limits in things I would consider minimum vanilla requirement, oral, anal, cum over their face/tits, dressing them up like a kitten with a tail buttplug and making them drink from a bowl whilst I spank them. "
Hehehee who doesn't like a little pet play 
Do you find a lot of women over egging their limits? That's intersting to hear!! |
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"They don't understand what they're saying. Nobody has no limits at all.
Exactly, but is it miss understand, desperation or plain stupidity?"
They really mean they want to try as many things as possible I think. I don't think it's desperation or stupidity.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They don't understand what they're saying. Nobody has no limits at all.
Exactly, but is it miss understand, desperation or plain stupidity?
They really mean they want to try as many things as possible I think. I don't think it's desperation or stupidity.
"
We have all witness the kid in the sweet shop syndrome  |
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"They don't understand what they're saying. Nobody has no limits at all.
Exactly, but is it miss understand, desperation or plain stupidity?
They really mean they want to try as many things as possible I think. I don't think it's desperation or stupidity.
We have all witness the kid in the sweet shop syndrome "
We have. Sometimes people just need a little friendly guidance  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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No it shows a compleat lack of understanding and is an instant red flag for me, everyone has limits... Another is I/you don't need safe words. May as well just type out I have no idea what I'm doing and basing my idea of bdsm on some mainstream crap like 50 shades |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They don't understand what they're saying. Nobody has no limits at all.
Exactly, but is it miss understand, desperation or plain stupidity?
They really mean they want to try as many things as possible I think. I don't think it's desperation or stupidity.
We have all witness the kid in the sweet shop syndrome
We have. Sometimes people just need a little friendly guidance "
True, people tend to go quiet when you point that out to them |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No it shows a compleat lack of understanding and is an instant red flag for me, everyone has limits... Another is I/you don't need safe words. May as well just type out I have no idea what I'm doing and basing my idea of bdsm on some mainstream crap like 50 shades "
I wonder how much 50 shades had "informed" people etc etc
I'm all for education and bring kink out of the shadows etc but safely |
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By *nfin8yWoman
over a year ago
Newcastle-under-Lyme |
"They don't understand what they're saying. Nobody has no limits at all.
Exactly, but is it miss understand, desperation or plain stupidity?
They really mean they want to try as many things as possible I think. I don't think it's desperation or stupidity.
We have all witness the kid in the sweet shop syndrome "
I have been that kid In the sweetshop but I have certainly never professed to having no limits. Maybe it’s a combination of bravado and lack of understanding.
People also have different ideas and opinions about vanilla, kink or any kind of relationship for that matter and for me relationships are not about Making anyone do anything.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
Limits within what you would consider very hardcore bdsm and legal fetishes, ..... why is it hard to understand there are a minority of filthy people open to doing all that ?
Every limit you can state, there’s probably someone here who doesn’t have that limit
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"They don't understand what they're saying. Nobody has no limits at all.
Exactly, but is it miss understand, desperation or plain stupidity?
They really mean they want to try as many things as possible I think. I don't think it's desperation or stupidity.
We have all witness the kid in the sweet shop syndrome
I have been that kid In the sweetshop but I have certainly never professed to having no limits. Maybe it’s a combination of bravado and lack of understanding.
People also have different ideas and opinions about vanilla, kink or any kind of relationship for that matter and for me relationships are not about Making anyone do anything.
"
I think everyone goes through the sweet shop phase |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"No it shows a compleat lack of understanding and is an instant red flag for me, everyone has limits... Another is I/you don't need safe words. May as well just type out I have no idea what I'm doing and basing my idea of bdsm on some mainstream crap like 50 shades
I wonder how much 50 shades had "informed" people etc etc
I'm all for education and bring kink out of the shadows etc but safely "
I doubt 50 Shades has anything to do with it. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Limits within what you would consider very hardcore bdsm and legal fetishes, ..... why is it hard to understand there are a minority of filthy people open to doing all that ?
Every limit you can state, there’s probably someone here who doesn’t have that limit
"
Well bdsm isn't technically legal  which is a shame
But yeah true, you'll always have some one that's prepared to push the envelope!
But oddly most people on here that say they have no limits rethink that statement when you high light something "extreme" |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"No it shows a compleat lack of understanding and is an instant red flag for me, everyone has limits... Another is I/you don't need safe words. May as well just type out I have no idea what I'm doing and basing my idea of bdsm on some mainstream crap like 50 shades
I wonder how much 50 shades had "informed" people etc etc
I'm all for education and bring kink out of the shadows etc but safely
I doubt 50 Shades has anything to do with it."
Would "preaching to the perverted" be a better example maybe? |
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It's probably unrealistic for any of us to know all potential permutations of activities, partners etc and thus for us to evaluate wherever our limits may be.
Men here say all kinds of things in my experience and many need to be taken with a pinch of salt.
If you were from another planet, observing the messages that get sent here, you'd assume that most of the most beautiful people on earth live in the UK and use Fab*.
* It's certainly a huge number of them, of course
There are also a lot of guys who don't have too much experience here, including how to communicate really well. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Looking to canvas peoples thoughts on this.
Some messages you saying they are "kinky" or into SM etc and then say they have "no limits"
Do people not understand what they are saying? Do they think that's what people want to hear? Are they just desperate?
Curious"
After all it’s a swinger site not really a fetish/bdsm oriented site. Even on fetish site, I read profile with no limits do what ever you want to me attitude! Fantasist with no knowledge about the scene... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Limits within what you would consider very hardcore bdsm and legal fetishes, ..... why is it hard to understand there are a minority of filthy people open to doing all that ?
Every limit you can state, there’s probably someone here who doesn’t have that limit
Well bdsm isn't technically legal which is a shame
But yeah true, you'll always have some one that's prepared to push the envelope!
But oddly most people on here that say they have no limits rethink that statement when you high light something "extreme""
Haha so true and usually the really extream thing you mention is really quite tame compared to some of the more out there practises... |
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as soon as someone says they have ‘no limits’ i lose all interest. set standards for yourself, know what you are getting into and respect yourself enough to care what you like and dislike. if you don’t respect yourself enough to set limits, i certainly won’t feel respected. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Some people thrive to have no limits. It doesn't make them desperate or stupid. It doesn't mean they don't have respect for themselves either
R"
Correct but these people know the scene or are experienced and fully trust their Master/Dom. The op was talking about the ones who just create a profile... |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
I do see those types of comments as a potential concern, but you meed to take into account other context. What else have they said in their message/profile, what experience do they have etc.
At best it can be an opportunity to try and educate them; forget about listing all the things that could possibly be a limit and instead tell me what it is you want to experience. |
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Some don't know where their limits are and although it's poor phraseology. It does not necessarily mean they are incompetent. I've spoken to people at the beginning of their BDSM journey who say they have no limits. But it's just because they've nothing to base their limits on yet.
Even as a sub I still don't fully know where some of my limits are with some kinds of play. As I know I've got more in me.
For me personally when someone states they have none. That's when full frank discussions need to take place if i plan to proceed. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Saying no limits is a red flag for me, along with no safe words/boundaries/consent.
All the above are things that need to be discussed in detail before embarking upon a kink based relationship. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Some don't know where their limits are and although it's poor phraseology. It does not necessarily mean they are incompetent. I've spoken to people at the beginning of their BDSM journey who say they have no limits. But it's just because they've nothing to base their limits on yet.
Even as a sub I still don't fully know where some of my limits are with some kinds of play. As I know I've got more in me.
For me personally when someone states they have none. That's when full frank discussions need to take place if i plan to proceed. "
Exactly, being ignorant of something does not automatically make you inept or incompetent.
However, as with everything the context around a message proclaiming no limits can be insightful in helping determine this, as can follow up conversations (if you feel they are wanted).
Informed decision making is crucial when managing risks after all.
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"Some don't know where their limits are and although it's poor phraseology. It does not necessarily mean they are incompetent. I've spoken to people at the beginning of their BDSM journey who say they have no limits. But it's just because they've nothing to base their limits on yet.
Even as a sub I still don't fully know where some of my limits are with some kinds of play. As I know I've got more in me.
For me personally when someone states they have none. That's when full frank discussions need to take place if i plan to proceed.
Exactly, being ignorant of something does not automatically make you inept or incompetent.
However, as with everything the context around a message proclaiming no limits can be insightful in helping determine this, as can follow up conversations (if you feel they are wanted).
Informed decision making is crucial when managing risks after all.
"
Totally agree, and I think there's so much confusion about what a "true sub" (hate that phrase) should be. I sometimes chat with those with who say they have no limits and explain why it's not a good idea. I'd hate for them to get taken advantage of. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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In my experience everyone has some sort of limits, some people are yet to discover them but they will be their.
This is where open communication and discussion come in.
A lot of people in the BDSM scene believe all the limits comes from the sub, however if you are a Dom and you were asked to do something you were not comfortable doing - would you still do it ? |
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I agree,I’ve been on walks with a couple of people from fab during lockdown and they are relatively new to fab.
They say they will give anything a go then I mention cross dressing and it’s a straight no. That’s fair enough but it does show in a simple way that they won’t try anything. I think what they have meant is they would try a 3some with either 2 fems or 2 males.
When I joined fab I was very quiet about what I liked as wanted to see what fab was all about first |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"In my experience everyone has some sort of limits, some people are yet to discover them but they will be their.
This is where open communication and discussion come in.
A lot of people in the BDSM scene believe all the limits comes from the sub, however if you are a Dom and you were asked to do something you were not comfortable doing - would you still do it ?"
Nope!
I've called a couple of scenes because I was no longer able or willing to continue
So yeah consent is a two way street |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"In my experience everyone has some sort of limits, some people are yet to discover them but they will be their.
This is where open communication and discussion come in.
A lot of people in the BDSM scene believe all the limits comes from the sub, however if you are a Dom and you were asked to do something you were not comfortable doing - would you still do it ?"
Speaking for myself it would depend on why I am not comfortable with doing the thing.
Am I capable - have I done it recently, do I need to remind/retrain myself, do I have what I need to do it and or deal with/cope with what happens when/if it goes wrong, are they aware of my capability at doing the thing?
Why am I doing it - is this training, educating, a workshop, for my enjoyment or theirs, ego, to “prove myself” to them, to move into other things?
Are they ready/capable - how is their head space, mind set, physical/mental wellbeing, have they done it before, have they done something like it before, did they enjoy it?
I cannot say I have ever done something I wasn’t comfortable doing, but have done things that I enjoy less just to give someone experience/exposure to a thing in an environment I know and trust. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I thought I was up for anything untill I read a verification on here where a guy had eaten 8 other guys cum out of a females arse hole......It was then i realised I'm not up for anything. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I thought I was up for anything untill I read a verification on here where a guy had eaten 8 other guys cum out of a females arse hole......It was then i realised I'm not up for anything."
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I agree,I’ve been on walks with a couple of people from fab during lockdown and they are relatively new to fab.
They say they will give anything a go then I mention cross dressing and it’s a straight no. That’s fair enough but it does show in a simple way that they won’t try anything. I think what they have meant is they would try a 3some with either 2 fems or 2 males.
When I joined fab I was very quiet about what I liked as wanted to see what fab was all about first "
I'd have to say no too. Unless you took me shopping. I just haven't got anything to wear.
However, with a little less anger in some posts, the uninitiated might learn from afar they do have limits. Eating anything from an arsehole - just one of mine.
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"... limits in things I would consider minimum vanilla requirement, oral, anal, cum over their face/tits ..."
“Minimum requirements”? Yikes.
But apart from that, facials are very far from vanilla and the vast majority of women would refuse that. Anal, however much men demand it, is not a basic and fundamental part of sex and again, a lot of women will refuse it. Even oral can be a hard limit, I’ve talked to some very kinky women who won’t give oral to a man due to trauma. |
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"... limits in things I would consider minimum vanilla requirement, oral, anal, cum over their face/tits ...
“Minimum requirements”? Yikes.
But apart from that, facials are very far from vanilla and the vast majority of women would refuse that. Anal, however much men demand it, is not a basic and fundamental part of sex and again, a lot of women will refuse it. Even oral can be a hard limit, I’ve talked to some very kinky women who won’t give oral to a man due to trauma."
agree with this completely. something you may consider to be basic or minimum, may not be to someone else. facials are degrading, and not everyone is comfortable with that. anal is far from every woman’s cup of tea. a lot of these requirements are based on the male fantasy, and don’t actually consider the women’s enjoyment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"... limits in things I would consider minimum vanilla requirement, oral, anal, cum over their face/tits ...
“Minimum requirements”? Yikes.
But apart from that, facials are very far from vanilla and the vast majority of women would refuse that. Anal, however much men demand it, is not a basic and fundamental part of sex and again, a lot of women will refuse it. Even oral can be a hard limit, I’ve talked to some very kinky women who won’t give oral to a man due to trauma.
agree with this completely. something you may consider to be basic or minimum, may not be to someone else. facials are degrading, and not everyone is comfortable with that. anal is far from every woman’s cup of tea. a lot of these requirements are based on the male fantasy, and don’t actually consider the women’s enjoyment. "
Hmm, no anal for me either, as I don't enjoy it. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd be cautious of anyone who said they had no limits but use it to spark the conversation as they could just not be aware through lack of experience. I've had this conversation before and it generally transpires they do have some limits but just thought they were a given or handy really had the limits conversation before. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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The main idea about limits or not is that the fundamental set up it’s to discuss about what’s going to happen. If you are not interested about what the other person want to do or try then it’s a flaw or bound to be quick and short... and someone is going to be hurt in he process.... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't get it either. I have plenty of limits. They don't understand what they're saying. I think most say it as a 'I'll do anything' to get sex. "
Are you suggesting that men will say anything to pique the interest of a woman in order to start a conversation ultimately leading to hiding the sausage? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don't get it either. I have plenty of limits. They don't understand what they're saying. I think most say it as a 'I'll do anything' to get sex.
Are you suggesting that men will say anything to pique the interest of a woman in order to start a conversation ultimately leading to hiding the sausage?"
Some women write it in their profile too.. not here but there |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Personally I think they don't understand what they're saying. My favourite thing to do is just respond with something very out there like castration  . "
You would be surprised how many will say yes |
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