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Best friend has asked for space
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
"Do I
1. Not contact her at all
2.just contact her once a week with a hi, how’s tings text?
3. Do I just prepare to mourn the loss of a friendship? "
I think that I would definitely give it more than a week. Maybe send a text after a month if she’s not contacted me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it depends on the reason she needs space too. I'd make it clear you're always here for her and your friendship means a lot to you but give her the space she needs and wait until she gets in touch. Good friends always find a way back to each other I think x |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"Do I
1. Not contact her at all
2.just contact her once a week with a hi, how’s tings text?
3. Do I just prepare to mourn the loss of a friendship?
I think that I would definitely give it more than a week. Maybe send a text after a month if she’s not contacted me. "
Yea I’ve looked at the 30 day no contact rule, but it also says to check in once a week and see how she is |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I guess it depends on the reason she needs space too. I'd make it clear you're always here for her and your friendship means a lot to you but give her the space she needs and wait until she gets in touch. Good friends always find a way back to each other I think x"
We’ve both said some pretty vile stuff to each other we did a week, yesterday we text and seemed to reconnect, then today she was like a totally different person |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends on the reason she needs space too. I'd make it clear you're always here for her and your friendship means a lot to you but give her the space she needs and wait until she gets in touch. Good friends always find a way back to each other I think x
We’ve both said some pretty vile stuff to each other we did a week, yesterday we text and seemed to reconnect, then today she was like a totally different person "
It's very hard to advise without a little more info buddy.
This friend has there been romantic involvement between you? Casual sex?
KJ |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends on the reason she needs space too. I'd make it clear you're always here for her and your friendship means a lot to you but give her the space she needs and wait until she gets in touch. Good friends always find a way back to each other I think x
We’ve both said some pretty vile stuff to each other we did a week, yesterday we text and seemed to reconnect, then today she was like a totally different person "
Sorry to hear that. Give it time, just give her the space she needs. It's always the people that care the most about each other that manage to hurt each other the most too. I hope it works itself out. |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I guess it depends on the reason she needs space too. I'd make it clear you're always here for her and your friendship means a lot to you but give her the space she needs and wait until she gets in touch. Good friends always find a way back to each other I think x
We’ve both said some pretty vile stuff to each other we did a week, yesterday we text and seemed to reconnect, then today she was like a totally different person
Sorry to hear that. Give it time, just give her the space she needs. It's always the people that care the most about each other that manage to hurt each other the most too. I hope it works itself out."
That’s it isn’t it yesterday, she opened up an told me all her grandparents are in hospital, her grans not got long left, which I get why she’s pulling away but earlier she text me saying she needs to put her time and energy into the friends that have been there for her.
Which obviously I called her out on and said how can I have been there when you’ve only just told me. We had a massive row, that’s when she threw the I need space at me |
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So your friend asks for space, they didn't cut you out.. Give em all the space they need (I.e.no set time 1 week 2 weeks) , but let em know yer doors/ears are open for whenever ?? ??
Get about livin yer best life doing "you" things hey |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"So your friend asks for space, they didn't cut you out.. Give em all the space they need (I.e.no set time 1 week 2 weeks) , but let em know yer doors/ears are open for whenever ?? ??
Get about livin yer best life doing "you" things hey "
I hear ye fella, it’s just I’ve invested so much into the friendship, both emotionally and physically |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess it depends on the reason she needs space too. I'd make it clear you're always here for her and your friendship means a lot to you but give her the space she needs and wait until she gets in touch. Good friends always find a way back to each other I think x
We’ve both said some pretty vile stuff to each other we did a week, yesterday we text and seemed to reconnect, then today she was like a totally different person
Sorry to hear that. Give it time, just give her the space she needs. It's always the people that care the most about each other that manage to hurt each other the most too. I hope it works itself out.
That’s it isn’t it yesterday, she opened up an told me all her grandparents are in hospital, her grans not got long left, which I get why she’s pulling away but earlier she text me saying she needs to put her time and energy into the friends that have been there for her.
Which obviously I called her out on and said how can I have been there when you’ve only just told me. We had a massive row, that’s when she threw the I need space at me"
Maybe she could argue that if you were in touch more she'd have told you about her grandparents before now? I also get that you're not a mindreader, been on both sides and it's not easy. She's obviously hurting and got things on her mind so don't take it too personally and like the other guy said just go and live your best life, if she comes around then she knows where you are. |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"I guess it depends on the reason she needs space too. I'd make it clear you're always here for her and your friendship means a lot to you but give her the space she needs and wait until she gets in touch. Good friends always find a way back to each other I think x
We’ve both said some pretty vile stuff to each other we did a week, yesterday we text and seemed to reconnect, then today she was like a totally different person
Sorry to hear that. Give it time, just give her the space she needs. It's always the people that care the most about each other that manage to hurt each other the most too. I hope it works itself out.
That’s it isn’t it yesterday, she opened up an told me all her grandparents are in hospital, her grans not got long left, which I get why she’s pulling away but earlier she text me saying she needs to put her time and energy into the friends that have been there for her.
Which obviously I called her out on and said how can I have been there when you’ve only just told me. We had a massive row, that’s when she threw the I need space at me
Maybe she could argue that if you were in touch more she'd have told you about her grandparents before now? I also get that you're not a mindreader, been on both sides and it's not easy. She's obviously hurting and got things on her mind so don't take it too personally and like the other guy said just go and live your best life, if she comes around then she knows where you are."
As I said I’ve invested to much to just walk away from each other, I’ve sat and wrote a list of memories and things that we used to do together
Does that sound corny |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Seems you got loads of different advice, because everyone is different, so a different approach would be required for different people. Maybe try asking the question to someone who is close to your friend. Hope it works out. |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"Seems you got loads of different advice, because everyone is different, so a different approach would be required for different people. Maybe try asking the question to someone who is close to your friend. Hope it works out."
I tried that, and it got back 2 my friend and we argued about that! The fact that I was asking someone’s advice on what they thought I should do |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"Do you know the reason that caused this, or was it just out the blue?"
We were fine yesterday as I said we seemed to clear the air a little bit then this morning at about 8am I text her to ask how her Nan was, and had no reply at 7pm I text her an said look I don’t want an argument, but it just feels a bit like Jekyll and Hyde, one minute your telling me everything that’s on your mind, and the next your closing me out and it’s not fair. And of course that created another argument
I genuinely don’t know what to do |
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By *iddylad87 OP Man
over a year ago
kidderminster |
"Not contact her, after the request has been agreed to. Though you can confirm your willingness to help with anything when confirming you are giving the space and leaving contact in their hands. "
So I said to her that I’m gonna give her the space that she needs but online there’s a 21 day no contact rule and a 30 day one says just send a single hi how are you hope your well text each week an the other says no contact at all |
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"Not contact her, after the request has been agreed to. Though you can confirm your willingness to help with anything when confirming you are giving the space and leaving contact in their hands.
So I said to her that I’m gonna give her the space that she needs but online there’s a 21 day no contact rule and a 30 day one says just send a single hi how are you hope your well text each week an the other says no contact at all "
I think no contact a tall right now is what she is asking for. She wants time to concentrate on other things right now, so respect that and give it to her. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Totally get where she is coming from...
The relationship is without doubt changing - if you give her the space and time then it may survive
Sending arsey texts because she doesn't reply to you is laying on pressure + guilt and never goes well... And says more about you then her
Let her breath man
Personally i would send a check-in after maybe 2 or 3 weeks, then a follow up 2 weeks later. Keep it light, no expectation, no guilt trip. |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Totally get where she is coming from...
The relationship is without doubt changing - if you give her the space and time then it may survive
Sending arsey texts because she doesn't reply to you is laying on pressure + guilt and never goes well... And says more about you then her
Let her breath man
Personally i would send a check-in after maybe 2 or 3 weeks, then a follow up 2 weeks later. Keep it light, no expectation, no guilt trip. "
I agree with this.
Making demands of her isn’t helpful.
There are always two sides to any story and I feel that there are details that are missing here.
Give her time and space, hell a whole continuum if she needs it!
If you care for her then respect her wishes and take the time to consider how you can be a better friend to her and support her, rather than just waiting to make more demands on her time and energy |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So your friend asks for space, they didn't cut you out.. Give em all the space they need (I.e.no set time 1 week 2 weeks) , but let em know yer doors/ears are open for whenever ?? ??
Get about livin yer best life doing "you" things hey
I hear ye fella, it’s just I’ve invested so much into the friendship, both emotionally and physically "
Without being unkind, this isn’t about you, it’s about her, and you need to respect what she has said, and give her space. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Totally get where she is coming from...
The relationship is without doubt changing - if you give her the space and time then it may survive
Sending arsey texts because she doesn't reply to you is laying on pressure + guilt and never goes well... And says more about you then her
Let her breath man
Personally i would send a check-in after maybe 2 or 3 weeks, then a follow up 2 weeks later. Keep it light, no expectation, no guilt trip. "
This is spot on. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Do you know the reason that caused this, or was it just out the blue?
We were fine yesterday as I said we seemed to clear the air a little bit then this morning at about 8am I text her to ask how her Nan was, and had no reply at 7pm I text her an said look I don’t want an argument, but it just feels a bit like Jekyll and Hyde, one minute your telling me everything that’s on your mind, and the next your closing me out and it’s not fair. And of course that created another argument
I genuinely don’t know what to do"
Hate to break it to you but you're making this about you and its not.
She's got lots going on, she doesn't need you throwing a tantrum if she's not replied or you don't feel included.
The fact you said those things at all would have me telling you to f**k off.
She's emotional and stressed and you're not helping.
Apologise, tell her you care but you will leave her be. Remind her you'll be there but then stay back .
Sending her a list of memories is just going to put more pressure on her. |
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By *sm265Woman
over a year ago
Shangri-la |
You need to respect her wishes, back right off, and give her the space she has asked for. At the moment she has told you what she needs & you are basically ignoring that & thinking of yourself.
Maybe check in with her in a couple of weeks or so, but just to let her know that you are thinking of her & with absolutely no pressure on her to resume contact.
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"Totally get where she is coming from...
The relationship is without doubt changing - if you give her the space and time then it may survive
Sending arsey texts because she doesn't reply to you is laying on pressure + guilt and never goes well... And says more about you then her
Let her breath man
Personally i would send a check-in after maybe 2 or 3 weeks, then a follow up 2 weeks later. Keep it light, no expectation, no guilt trip.
I agree with this.
Making demands of her isn’t helpful.
There are always two sides to any story and I feel that there are details that are missing here.
Give her time and space, hell a whole continuum if she needs it!
If you care for her then respect her wishes and take the time to consider how you can be a better friend to her and support her, rather than just waiting to make more demands on her time and energy"
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A former friend of mine went off the radar due to personal problems. I sent a text and got no answer, I made it clear none was required and to contact me when she was ready. She never did, I took the hint.
None of us can tell you if your friendship is over but you definitely need to back off. |
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Having just read through all of this thread, I wonder whether your friend thinks you're as close as you seem to think you are, OP.
If she's asking you to leave her alone, there are obviously other people in her life / friends providing what she needs right now.
It sucks, but it sounds very much like the end of a relationship where one wants out and the other doesn't.
Sorry, but as others have said, all you can do is message to say that you're there for her if she needs it and leave it at that. Remember the good times, but focus on the future  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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If it was me.
I'd delete her number and stop all contact.
It's then down to her to get back with in touch.
Never chase. Foolish behaviour women see through it. |
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"If it was me.
I'd delete her number and stop all contact.
It's then down to her to get back with in touch.
Never chase. Foolish behaviour women see through it."
I’d do this too. I’d never chase. Even if they contacted me after the “space” I probably wouldn’t be interested to be honest. |
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"If it was me.
I'd delete her number and stop all contact.
It's then down to her to get back with in touch.
Never chase. Foolish behaviour women see through it.
I’d do this too. I’d never chase. Even if they contacted me after the “space” I probably wouldn’t be interested to be honest. "
Difficult one, this, especially with some restrictions on meeting friends still in place.
If this were a potential romantic partner, I'd agree with you - I probably wouldn't be interested either, after then "space".
Genuine friends, though, is more complicated. I'm can be a fairly insular person, and can go for months, occasionally years, without speaking to certain friends but can then pick up again from.more or less where we left off. As true friends should be able to.
Reconnected at the weekend with someone I spent quite a lot of time with late last year, trying to sort my head out, and will see more of her again over the next few months |
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So you cleared the air then applied the thumb screws by getting arsey coz she didn't reply in a time frame that suited you?
Close friendships don't mean you have to speak every day. If you've never been in a situation where you can't really handle convos with others due to your own head spinning and barely having enough emotional/mental energy to deal with the important problems you're facing and nothing else you've been very fortunate.
I've been known to scream "fuck off and leave me alone" at my phone just for beeping coz I simply haven't got anything in the reserve tank to talk.
Whilst you were writing memory lists, do you not think it may be possible she was doing something similar as far as thinking goes regarding her nan who's dying?.. but you weren't patient enough to give her that grace without kicking off at her.
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