FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Honest Relationships
Honest Relationships
Jump to: Newest in thread
 |
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Nobody is entirely honest. Not even to themselves.
I truly believe in impression management, and think that we tailor ourselves to social situations and vice versa. We wear masks to convey ideas we see fitting our purposes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Well from my point of view I believe hubby and I are totally honest with each other....with the exception of the “is that a new dress” question...I can’t guarantee he’ll get the honest answer then  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Well from my point of view I believe hubby and I are totally honest with each other....with the exception of the “is that a new dress” question...I can’t guarantee he’ll get the honest answer then "
It was on offer
I might return it anyway..  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
I am totally honest but I am single with nothing to hide.
I have 2 regular fwb one I know is honest as he tells me everything the other I dont know an awful lot about but do I really need to?
If I was in a proper relationship and not just fwb I would expect full honesty though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"No. Everyone has a secrets, everybody lies. Only me, idiot, trust to others too much and after a while I am always disappointed. 
This is me too   "
Let's go to drink and cry to each other...  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Nobody is entirely honest. Not even to themselves.
I truly believe in impression management, and think that we tailor ourselves to social situations and vice versa. We wear masks to convey ideas we see fitting our purposes. "
Do you ever find it hard to switch between them? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Honesty isn't always the best policy "
I totally disagree. If i ask is my arse big and it is then I'd want to know, if someone asks me advice then I'll tell them what I think.
Honesty is always the best policy in life. Single or not xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Nobody is entirely honest. Not even to themselves.
I truly believe in impression management, and think that we tailor ourselves to social situations and vice versa. We wear masks to convey ideas we see fitting our purposes.
Do you ever find it hard to switch between them?"
I am like Jarod in the pretender !
There are pretenders among us, geniuses with the ability to become anyone they want to be. In 1963, a corporation known as The Centre isolated a young pretender and exploited his genius for their research. Then one day, their pretender ran away... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
I don't think I've ever been in a fully honest relationship. I mean, faithfully I've always been honest but then there's always the little things I've been not so honest about like 'Oh, that dress. Yeah I've had it for years!' or 'I have no idea who ate the last jaffa cake!'
I guess we all tell little fibs. It's the hurtful ones that I avoid. Unfortunately though, I've been hurt with those and it's horrible |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
The internet makes everything so easy I agree.
Someone I know meets men behind his girlfriends back from an app - within 10 minutes he can get an instafuck - he does this multiple times a week.
She has no idea  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
I don't think I've ever been in a fully honest relationship. I mean, faithfully I've always been honest but then there's always the little things I've been not so honest about like 'Oh, that dress. Yeah I've had it for years!' or 'I have no idea who ate the last jaffa cake!'
I guess we all tell little fibs. It's the hurtful ones that I avoid. Unfortunately though, I've been hurt with those and it's horrible "
I don't mean the little fibs - I mean the big whoppers - like cheating or being really bored by your partner etc .. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
I don't think I've ever been in a fully honest relationship. I mean, faithfully I've always been honest but then there's always the little things I've been not so honest about like 'Oh, that dress. Yeah I've had it for years!' or 'I have no idea who ate the last jaffa cake!'
I guess we all tell little fibs. It's the hurtful ones that I avoid. Unfortunately though, I've been hurt with those and it's horrible
I don't mean the little fibs - I mean the big whoppers - like cheating or being really bored by your partner etc .."
In that case, I've always been disappointed by others  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I'm in a fully honest relationship with my local shop keeper, he supplies the chocolate hobnobs, I pay him then eat them "
Those are the best relationships
He's a keeper |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
If you're talking about the little lies like "I stayed at home and worked and no I did not visit Waitrose for their breaded camembert" then no, I'm not in a honest relationship. We all lie varying degrees.
If you're talking about the big ones like cheating, stealing etc? Then yes I am in a honest relationship and I know how lucky I am.
I think sites like these can facilitate becoming jaded with men, relationships etc.
There are some decent people out there. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
My life experience learned me so."
You aren't the only one but that's not my point.
My point is not all of us are lying cheaters |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
That’s a very cynical view of relationships.
Personal bias in this situation is very strong.
Obviously the single people will say that there’s no such thing and couples will disagree.
Personal experience and bias is contrary to an informative discussion |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go 
"
I don't think people don't lie.
I think some people are totally transparent and honest.
2 very different things. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
My life experience learned me so.
You aren't the only one but that's not my point.
My point is not all of us are lying cheaters "
Of course everyone isn't a lying cheater that's a ridiculous statement.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
My life experience learned me so.
You aren't the only one but that's not my point.
My point is not all of us are lying cheaters "
Maybe you are not. I don't know you. Obviously I always run in wrong person(s). My karma... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
Because people lie.
Yes. Some do. Not all though.
I agree. Why bother to lie and cheat? "
As ppl either get away with and it makes them feel good, or believe they'll get away it, lies based on living in fear about getting honest, there is a multitude I'd reasons as to why, simple really |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
My life experience learned me so.
You aren't the only one but that's not my point.
My point is not all of us are lying cheaters
Of course everyone isn't a lying cheater that's a ridiculous statement.
"
My opinion is ridiculous?
You are missing my point. Never mind. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
The stress and constant hypervigilance that comes with being dishonest and unfaithful must be absolutely exhausting. I don't know how people do it, but I accept that it does happen. I feel like I'm emotionally safest not in a relationship because my autistic tendency to trust what people say and take them at face value leaves me vulnerable, which makes me sad. I'd love to be able to trust someone and share a lifetime of love and adventures, but it isn't worth the risk of hurt and heartbreak. I'm happy enough on my own most of the time, but every now and then I get a twinge of sadness about knowing it's probably a permanent thing. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Probably not. I tend to compartmentalise and try not to mix things up.
Have I been honest in relationships? Yes and no.
Have people been honest with me in relationships? Yes and no.
Do I just try to get on with it? Yes. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"I would be surprised if no one kept any kind of secrets; even from spouses or partners.
Do we have to tell our beloveds everything?"
Nobody has to do anything but for me, I've nothing to hide so I'm happy for him to know everything . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
My life experience learned me so.
You aren't the only one but that's not my point.
My point is not all of us are lying cheaters
Of course everyone isn't a lying cheater that's a ridiculous statement.
My opinion is ridiculous?
You are missing my point. Never mind."
Liars don't have to be cheaters. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
My life experience learned me so.
You aren't the only one but that's not my point.
My point is not all of us are lying cheaters
Of course everyone isn't a lying cheater that's a ridiculous statement.
My opinion is ridiculous?
You are missing my point. Never mind.
Liars don't have to be cheaters."
No and cheaters don't have to liars.
It's just the turn of phrase I wrote. They aren't inclusive. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I would be surprised if no one kept any kind of secrets; even from spouses or partners.
Do we have to tell our beloveds everything?
Nobody has to do anything but for me, I've nothing to hide so I'm happy for him to know everything ."
That's great if you have a partner who wouldn't fly off the handle at things like scratching the car, or spending a bit too much on clothes etc. Would be lovely to have someone like that.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
"
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Why are people so convinced nobody can be honest??
It boggles my mind.
My life experience learned me so.
You aren't the only one but that's not my point.
My point is not all of us are lying cheaters
Of course everyone isn't a lying cheater that's a ridiculous statement.
My opinion is ridiculous?
You are missing my point. Never mind.
Liars don't have to be cheaters.
No and cheaters don't have to liars.
It's just the turn of phrase I wrote. They aren't inclusive. "
Cheaters would be lying to their partners though. Unless by not telling them they aren't technically lying.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"I would be surprised if no one kept any kind of secrets; even from spouses or partners.
Do we have to tell our beloveds everything?
Nobody has to do anything but for me, I've nothing to hide so I'm happy for him to know everything .
That's great if you have a partner who wouldn't fly off the handle at things like scratching the car, or spending a bit too much on clothes etc. Would be lovely to have someone like that.
"
Well after 20 years of an abusive husband it's refreshing for sure. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I would be surprised if no one kept any kind of secrets; even from spouses or partners.
Do we have to tell our beloveds everything?"
God no
Everyone has secrets and rightly so.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health"
Just wow
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would be surprised if no one kept any kind of secrets; even from spouses or partners.
Do we have to tell our beloveds everything?
God no
Everyone has secrets and rightly so.
"
I have no secrets from some, I can think off 2 men who know everything about me, that will become 3 once I build the relationship with my new sponsor, so I don't agree with that about secrets |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health"
Similar to what Meli wrote |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Nobody is entirely honest. Not even to themselves.
I truly believe in impression management, and think that we tailor ourselves to social situations and vice versa. We wear masks to convey ideas we see fitting our purposes. "
Deep.
Faf?  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
People lie to themselves too.
No, I haven't had an honest one and anyone who knows me knows it's put me off.
Like Nell, I get a twinge of sadness that this is it for me, however it's the kindest option that will bring the most peace of mind. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health"
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
Just wow
"
I don’t understand how anyone can have such little faith in other people and still want to meet them for sex.
If I had no trust in a person, I wouldn’t be able to meet them, full stop. Using a person for sex when I have no faith in them as a person is a pretty horrible situation. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
"
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Often people lie and cheat because its easier.
Or they lie by omission. Or they tell selective truths.
I have an honest relationship with my wife. We tell each other pretty much everything.
But
Do I tell her every time I'm annoyed or do I swallow some of them because it just makes a smoother relationship?
Would my relationship be better if she told me every time I bored her in a conversation?
We have had big hard conversations about horrible gut wrenching topics. We have swallowed pride to back down when we were wrong.
We can be an honest relationship without being honest in every moment to our partners but we have to be honest with ourselves too.
Before we joined here the conversation took years. We were honest in our views. She felt hurt that I would want to sleep with other women. Was she not enough for me?
So I had to go and look at that.
Why did I want to be here? And when I had answers I had to communicate that back to her. She had her own questions to answer.
To me that's an honest Relationship.
No they don't make your ass look big, but yes having sex with another woman is something I want because 20 years of sex with one woman isn't as exciting as it once was. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I have an honest relationship. He knows I play, he's not involved and I do whatever I want with anyone I want, and that's my business. But I'd never lie if asked. We're also both clear about our feelings for each other, and our needs. He doesn't play and is honest with me. Happy marriage xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"Often people lie and cheat because its easier.
Or they lie by omission. Or they tell selective truths.
I have an honest relationship with my wife. We tell each other pretty much everything.
But
Do I tell her every time I'm annoyed or do I swallow some of them because it just makes a smoother relationship?
Would my relationship be better if she told me every time I bored her in a conversation?
We have had big hard conversations about horrible gut wrenching topics. We have swallowed pride to back down when we were wrong.
We can be an honest relationship without being honest in every moment to our partners but we have to be honest with ourselves too.
Before we joined here the conversation took years. We were honest in our views. She felt hurt that I would want to sleep with other women. Was she not enough for me?
So I had to go and look at that.
Why did I want to be here? And when I had answers I had to communicate that back to her. She had her own questions to answer.
To me that's an honest Relationship.
No they don't make your ass look big, but yes having sex with another woman is something I want because 20 years of sex with one woman isn't as exciting as it once was. "
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here"
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here"
Yes for the bias! Bias is such a lovely word. I know that most people I've spoken to have at some point lied to me. I accept that as being what it is. In an ideal world if I asked a straight question I'd get a straight answer but life doesn't happen like that.
For me I'd rather focus on the good, the positive in people. Those I talk to and those I don't. Maybe I'm naive but I'd rather be that way than cynical and doubting everything someone says to me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
Just wow
I don’t understand how anyone can have such little faith in other people and still want to meet them for sex.
If I had no trust in a person, I wouldn’t be able to meet them, full stop. Using a person for sex when I have no faith in them as a person is a pretty horrible situation. "
I disagree with this stance. It's sensible to assume you can't know how honest a person is unless you've known them and seen how they behave over a long period of time. That's not to say you should assume everyone is a lying toerag, just be aware that you can't distinguish between the good eggs and the bad ones for the first few months or even a couple of years. I really don't want to be spending up to a year getting to know someone intimately before fucking them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
I don’t understand how anyone can have such little faith in other people and still want to meet them for sex.
If I had no trust in a person, I wouldn’t be able to meet them, full stop. Using a person for sex when I have no faith in them as a person is a pretty horrible situation. "
I trusted people. And they betrayed me. I'll trust again. And they'll betray me again
I won't say everyone's bad person, but most of people lies and keeps secrets. That's nature. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
I think what it comes down to is this.
Nobody knows everybody else's stories.
People can lie. Yes.
Do ALL people lie? No.
I have had more heartache as a partner and a mother than most of you know. Does that make me instantly think people I speak with are liars or honest?
No.
That comes with time. I don't presume as some do that I know anyone's history but what I do know is this.
I am NOT dishonest. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Nobody is completely honest all of the time, even if it's just denying having a chocolate binge when you're on a diet 
In a relationship, there are certain things that I do need full openness on, and I won't compromise on those.
However, I do understand that people have differing levels of being comfortable with being open, be that through nature or nurture. I also know that I am extremely open with people that I care about, and that phases a lot of people. I've had to learn that not everyone can share as easily as me, and that's where communication and compromise comes in. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
Can I just clear up that I don't assume that everyone is a lying bellend!
And that I'm not a woman scorned and that I simply started the thread to have a discussion about honesty without any ulterior motive.
OK?
Groovy
So now I've established that you can all carry on  |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
"
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Absolutely. If there's no honesty then I'd not be in a relationship.
For me personally, without that basic quality a relationship isn't worth it's weight."
This |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
Just wow
I don’t understand how anyone can have such little faith in other people and still want to meet them for sex.
If I had no trust in a person, I wouldn’t be able to meet them, full stop. Using a person for sex when I have no faith in them as a person is a pretty horrible situation.
I disagree with this stance. It's sensible to assume you can't know how honest a person is unless you've known them and seen how they behave over a long period of time. That's not to say you should assume everyone is a lying toerag, just be aware that you can't distinguish between the good eggs and the bad ones for the first few months or even a couple of years. I really don't want to be spending up to a year getting to know someone intimately before fucking them. "
That’s fair but if I had no faith that the person/people that I’m meeting is a good person, then I couldn’t meet them |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"On here no, I don’t trust anyone unfortunately. Sad but true.
Real life and here are different planets in my opinion. "
Nice to see you Nora 
Is this thread making you want to run away again |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"On here no, I don’t trust anyone unfortunately. Sad but true.
Real life and here are different planets in my opinion.
Nice to see you Nora
Is this thread making you want to run away again "
Haven’t read it. Can’t be arsed . Just thought I’d stick my two penneth in |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"On here no, I don’t trust anyone unfortunately. Sad but true.
Real life and here are different planets in my opinion.
Nice to see you Nora
Is this thread making you want to run away again
Haven’t read it. Can’t be arsed . Just thought I’d stick my two penneth in "
Wise choice!
The next thread I start is going to be about cake |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"
That’s fair but if I had no faith that the person/people that I’m meeting is a good person, then I couldn’t meet them"
I'm totally with this opinion. It doesn't matter if you look like Tom Hardy, if you don't come across as genuine, caring, and all the other qualities I value in someone, its not going to happen. Which is essentially why I've taken so long to meet anyone in the past.
As for their honesty, all I can do is be open and true and pray that the other person is like that too. My cynical side says I've yet to meet someone as honest and open as me, the idealist in me believes its possible x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We have a completely open relationship, we have to have that trust, or it just wouldn't work. If that means I have to say something difficult, or embarrassing, so be it, that's better than a lie.
Also, I can't lie
So sorry, if you ever meet me, you get me and all the crap that comes out my mouth. Sorrynotsorry. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"On here no, I don’t trust anyone unfortunately. Sad but true.
Real life and here are different planets in my opinion.
Nice to see you Nora
Is this thread making you want to run away again
Haven’t read it. Can’t be arsed . Just thought I’d stick my two penneth in
Wise choice!
The next thread I start is going to be about cake "
I don’t like cake |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
People will often tell the truth if you make it easy and don’t judge them. I try to see the good in people and trust until I’m proven wrong, but also make sure I protect myself which does come at a cost |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
Just wow
I don’t understand how anyone can have such little faith in other people and still want to meet them for sex.
If I had no trust in a person, I wouldn’t be able to meet them, full stop. Using a person for sex when I have no faith in them as a person is a pretty horrible situation.
I disagree with this stance. It's sensible to assume you can't know how honest a person is unless you've known them and seen how they behave over a long period of time. That's not to say you should assume everyone is a lying toerag, just be aware that you can't distinguish between the good eggs and the bad ones for the first few months or even a couple of years. I really don't want to be spending up to a year getting to know someone intimately before fucking them.
That’s fair but if I had no faith that the person/people that I’m meeting is a good person, then I couldn’t meet them"
If I get bad vibes from someone then of course I won't meet them. I take the neutral stance of 'they seem like a good egg and I will enjoy their company, but I can't know for sure who they are at this moment'. Having an awareness of a human's capacity for both good and bad is only sensible. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom"
It is dressed up as wisdom or just people giving their opinion? Past experiences and feelings. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"People will often tell the truth if you make it easy and don’t judge them. I try to see the good in people and trust until I’m proven wrong, but also make sure I protect myself which does come at a cost "
This is what I'm trying to say, but doing it badly! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
Just wow
I don’t understand how anyone can have such little faith in other people and still want to meet them for sex.
If I had no trust in a person, I wouldn’t be able to meet them, full stop. Using a person for sex when I have no faith in them as a person is a pretty horrible situation.
I disagree with this stance. It's sensible to assume you can't know how honest a person is unless you've known them and seen how they behave over a long period of time. That's not to say you should assume everyone is a lying toerag, just be aware that you can't distinguish between the good eggs and the bad ones for the first few months or even a couple of years. I really don't want to be spending up to a year getting to know someone intimately before fucking them.
That’s fair but if I had no faith that the person/people that I’m meeting is a good person, then I couldn’t meet them
If I get bad vibes from someone then of course I won't meet them. I take the neutral stance of 'they seem like a good egg and I will enjoy their company, but I can't know for sure who they are at this moment'. Having an awareness of a human's capacity for both good and bad is only sensible. "
Makes sense to me. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom
It is dressed up as wisdom or just people giving their opinion? Past experiences and feelings. "
Careful - you might get accused of having mental health issues |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"People will often tell the truth if you make it easy and don’t judge them. I try to see the good in people and trust until I’m proven wrong, but also make sure I protect myself which does come at a cost
This is what I'm trying to say, but doing it badly!"
I knew what you meant Nell
Yes so much this |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
I’m so jaded and seen so much happening I think every couple lies... from small lies to big secrets x from past or present or future plans we don’t yet reveal x I think it’s normal and that’s okay... again maybe I’m totally jaded .... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Only ever been completely honest with one person turns out honesty isnt all its made out to be it years with nothing but truth made no difference in the end so il not be honest again my life will always be a lie nobody else will see the real me nobody deserves it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *manaWoman
over a year ago
Basingstoke |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom
It is dressed up as wisdom or just people giving their opinion? Past experiences and feelings.
Careful - you might get accused of having mental health issues "
Who accused who?
Mental health issues are not funny but also it's more than that.
We all have issues, but if I were to not trust someone I'd not meet them or have a relationship with them, if I have upset someone then I'd hope to be given the opportunity to be told and to discuss.
Anyway that's my thoughts done. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I hate lies. I find it difficult to lie and as a result I'm quite brutally honest. Sometimes people don't like it or can't handle it. I'm also an open book and I just think if people can't handle me or my honesty then we just don't click and that's that.
I absolutely hate being lied to though, I'll trust to a degree a first but once you've lied that trust is gone and I'm blunt about it.
I'd rather be open and transparent than anything else. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom
It is dressed up as wisdom or just people giving their opinion? Past experiences and feelings.
Careful - you might get accused of having mental health issues "
I didn’t say that anyone had mental health issues. Please don’t misquote me, especially as you reposted it ^^
I said; for the good of a persons mental health. Theres a huge difference |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"I have an honest relationship. He knows I play, he's not involved and I do whatever I want with anyone I want, and that's my business. But I'd never lie if asked. We're also both clear about our feelings for each other, and our needs. He doesn't play and is honest with me. Happy marriage xx"
I remember talking to him back on the day |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I think secrets are very different from lies, especially in a Fab context. Many people have parts of themselves or their lives they don't wish to share, and unless they are actively dishonest about these parts them I have no problem with not knowing or asking about them. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"The internet makes everything so easy I agree.
Someone I know meets men behind his girlfriends back from an app - within 10 minutes he can get an instafuck - he does this multiple times a week.
She has no idea "
You get to have sex? What’s the app called? For research purposes of course |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"The internet makes everything so easy I agree.
Someone I know meets men behind his girlfriends back from an app - within 10 minutes he can get an instafuck - he does this multiple times a week.
She has no idea
You get to have sex? What’s the app called? For research purposes of course "
Probably Grinder - it's a fuck fest for all the straight guys I hear |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"I think secrets are very different from lies, especially in a Fab context. Many people have parts of themselves or their lives they don't wish to share, and unless they are actively dishonest about these parts them I have no problem with not knowing or asking about them. "
I agree - secrets are definitely not the same as lies - but it depends on how much of the persons life is a secret.
How well do you really know someone? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
We both left relationships for what I can honestly call a happy, health and open in every sense of the way relationship. The only secrets we keep from each other is what we’re gonna get each other for our birthday.
I’ve never experienced a relationship like this before but L knows everything and I mean everythingggg and I know the same. I’m truly thankful having been on the other side
B for blessed x |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I think secrets are very different from lies, especially in a Fab context. Many people have parts of themselves or their lives they don't wish to share, and unless they are actively dishonest about these parts them I have no problem with not knowing or asking about them.
I agree - secrets are definitely not the same as lies - but it depends on how much of the persons life is a secret.
How well do you really know someone?"
A good question, and only really answered over time, which unfortunately means a pathological liar can cause huge damage before they're caught out.
I think if someone was keeping huge areas of their life secret this would be impossible without telling lies so the lines between the two can easily become blurred. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
trouble with us is we are easily tricked by others intentions.
love is something a lot of people need and want so badly they will settle with a violent or cheating partner because they fear being alone.
ive always played it up straight. cards on the table no bluff. if you love someone and they feel the same way nothing is better than that, you can take on the world together.
never a need to raise your voice or get angry with each other if you love each other as you can talk things out together as you should be in tune with both your needs.
sites like this are temptation, the want of someone else, greed etc. people do meet on here, fall in love and stay together but also people cheat here its human nature sadly.
ive always removed myself from sites like this when dating someone and its serious. i even give her the passwords so she can close the accounts herself or watch me do it.
maybe thats being foolish or just being honest, but its the way i play it because she needs to trust me 100% for the relationship to be at its very best.
just how i see it |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"trouble with us is we are easily tricked by others intentions.
love is something a lot of people need and want so badly they will settle with a violent or cheating partner because they fear being alone.
ive always played it up straight. cards on the table no bluff. if you love someone and they feel the same way nothing is better than that, you can take on the world together.
never a need to raise your voice or get angry with each other if you love each other as you can talk things out together as you should be in tune with both your needs.
sites like this are temptation, the want of someone else, greed etc. people do meet on here, fall in love and stay together but also people cheat here its human nature sadly.
ive always removed myself from sites like this when dating someone and its serious. i even give her the passwords so she can close the accounts herself or watch me do it.
maybe thats being foolish or just being honest, but its the way i play it because she needs to trust me 100% for the relationship to be at its very best.
just how i see it"
Great quality in a man |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I have an honest relationship. He knows I play, he's not involved and I do whatever I want with anyone I want, and that's my business. But I'd never lie if asked. We're also both clear about our feelings for each other, and our needs. He doesn't play and is honest with me. Happy marriage xx
I remember talking to him back on the day "
Haha then you know I'm honest then! Lol . Xx |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Id say we are in a honest relationship. We dont hide our feelings from each other. If something is bothering one of us the other can read it easily as we know each other that well. We are totally open and honest with each other. Niether of us has ever had this deep connection with anyone else. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I cant lie anyway...my face says it all....brutal at it..."
Same here. As my late mum use to say, give me a theif before a lier as at least a theif is honest about his intentions. A lier will manipulate and deceive you for their own gain. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
We put up with each other because nobody else will have us. We don't lie about it, we tell each other all the time |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Jenny knows the password to my phone, can use it or look at it anytime she wants. Knows who are my female mates. But after being with a control freak who looked through my phone and on my fb regular even though i had nothing to hide. Also hated i had female friends and was jealous of my male mates also. If jen started that to be honest id be gone as there is nothing worse than walking on egg shells in a relationship and also being with a controlling person drains your soul. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
I'm fairly sure there's no dishonesty in our relationship. We might not tell each other EVERYTHING but that's usually more to do with Anita's memory that any sort of subterfuge.
Cal |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
There's 2 friends on fab who I'm totally honest with, they know things about me that outside of any future relationship nobody else will ever know.
Its difficult to trust completely anyone, on fab we are flirtatious at the very least so when someone your becoming fond or of or starting a relationship with is messaging others it can be difficult to believe its just chat like they say and not the beginning of their next relationship and vice versa...
Only time can tell that and perhaps its why so many I've encountered build walls to hide or guard emotions.
I personally believe in honesty and would like to think I've that reputation, its just There's things I might not say until I can trust...
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I hate lies. I find it difficult to lie and as a result I'm quite brutally honest. Sometimes people don't like it or can't handle it. I'm also an open book and I just think if people can't handle me or my honesty then we just don't click and that's that.
I absolutely hate being lied to though, I'll trust to a degree a first but once you've lied that trust is gone and I'm blunt about it.
I'd rather be open and transparent than anything else. "
Exactly the same as above..i (mrs) hate lies and hate being lied to even more. If someone abuses the trust i have placed in them i will never trust/forgive them.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How often has a guy been asked, does my bum look big in this and automatically said no. Is that being dishonest or just kind."
My hubby would said "Yes of course it does, because you have a big bum" or "What do you think" ? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Well from my point of view I believe hubby and I are totally honest with each other....with the exception of the “is that a new dress” question...I can’t guarantee he’ll get the honest answer then "
This dress? New? I’ve had it for ages and you just haven’t noticed....honest 
-Lily |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *host63Man
over a year ago
Bedfont Feltham |
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
I am single and have been longer than I have had any relationships. I would rather spend the rest of my life on my own than waste a second of my time in a bad relationship |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Completely honesty only comes with trust
Hardly anyone knows everything about me, they get to see what I trust them with "
I'll swap you my biggest secret for yours, I'll go first... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
no secrets and lies between us, we talk about everything... and do everything together, always. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"How often has a guy been asked, does my bum look big in this and automatically said no. Is that being dishonest or just kind.
My hubby would said "Yes of course it does, because you have a big bum" or "What do you think" ? "
I like that kind of honesty. Then when they say you look good you know it's true! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"How often has a guy been asked, does my bum look big in this and automatically said no. Is that being dishonest or just kind.
My hubby would said "Yes of course it does, because you have a big bum" or "What do you think" ?
I like that kind of honesty. Then when they say you look good you know it's true! "
This is the kinda honestly I love. He’s usual response is could be bigger but perfect as is |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
"How often has a guy been asked, does my bum look big in this and automatically said no. Is that being dishonest or just kind.
My hubby would said "Yes of course it does, because you have a big bum" or "What do you think" ?
I like that kind of honesty. Then when they say you look good you know it's true! "
Where have you been all my life! |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
I do now
It's not always been the case
I put up with someone I disliked for years cos he looked good |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I'm on here honestly with genuine intentions. I don't lie but I do withold information from anyone I have no connection to. Is that lying or just sensible? |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom"
What are you on about? I'm not talking about you personally. I don't know or care to know about your situation; I'm just putting my opinion across about why people stop trusting and that I keep an open mind. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
Besides the odd little white lie about a new dress or pair of shoes then we have a 100 per cent honest relationship.
We’ve been together 27 and have grown together and without sounding to cheesy we are best friends and if you can’t be honest with your best friend then your relationship is fucked . |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom
What are you on about? I'm not talking about you personally. I don't know or care to know about your situation; I'm just putting my opinion across about why people stop trusting and that I keep an open mind."
I was thrown by you replying to me and directing your comments as you and your. My apologies |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom
What are you on about? I'm not talking about you personally. I don't know or care to know about your situation; I'm just putting my opinion across about why people stop trusting and that I keep an open mind.
I was thrown by you replying to me and directing your comments as you and your. My apologies "
No need to apologise, I should have said one instead of your. Makes me sound like the Queen though. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"It amazes me that people think that people don't lie - especially on sites like this one!
That really makes me go
People do lie, people also gossip, manipulate and abuse others on here.
There are also some good people that are honest, have integrity, good morals and care.
I think that if a person becomes so cynical and assumes that everyone is of the former group, then it might be time to leave fab for their mental health
It would be foolish to not assume every new person who messages me could be lying; as so many lie to get what they want.
They could be but they also could not.
My point about personal experiences and bias is still valid here
Yes, and if you were lied to frequently you would be more likely to get into a relationship with a little less naivety.
That doesn't mean to say you would think someone is lying all the time. It means you stay open-minded and don't assume they are always honest.
I don't assume every man will cheat on me, because my husband did, but I will never say they never will.
You don’t know me or my situation.
I’m a survivor of an abusive marriage, I was gaslighted for two years by an ex who was effectively married and I’ve had years of issues with family so please don’t talk to me about naivety.
I know lies, I know abuse and I know how hard it is to trust.
I also know that not everyone is like that and I make damn sure that I don’t have people like that in my life.
I made the conscious effort to trust, to find faith in people and I certainly don’t make cynical sweeping comments about people based on my own experiences, dressing it up as wisdom
What are you on about? I'm not talking about you personally. I don't know or care to know about your situation; I'm just putting my opinion across about why people stop trusting and that I keep an open mind.
I was thrown by you replying to me and directing your comments as you and your. My apologies
No need to apologise, I should have said one instead of your. Makes me sound like the Queen though. "
I try to use we or they. It helps to depersonalise the comments and avoids confusion |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
There is something called being too honest in a relationship...
I’m one of those people who try’s to tell the truth 100% of the time in a relationship....
Unfortunately no matter how much people say they like honestly....
They cab really get offended sometimes...
so I’ve learned to temper my honest opinion when I’m in a relationship... |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
Yes!! It's very possible.
I have chosen a life of ethical non monogomy/polyamoury. I have found its a brilliant alchemy of transparency and privacy. It releases me from the expectations of conventional relationships and as a result I find, it is full of honesty, loyalty and stunning love and honouring.
We have to know ourselves pretty well and be open to finding out new things as they arise.
I know its not for everyone, but as a model, with the right people, it can be more honest, respectful and loyal than some of my monogamous relationships have ever been.
In some conventional relationships it feels a much too complex a thing to balance these things when expectations, desires, being true to oneself, communication, flow and the human condition are all fighting with each other.
When there is compassion, listening, less expectation, good and well communicated boundaries, knowing your wishes and respecting others.. Oh and a willingness to be curious about individuality and the human condition.. Honesty and loyalty fall into place. I find I'm much safer in this place.
I've been lied to, betrayed, cheated on through the most vulnerable times in my life. Shit happens. People make bad choices at certain times in their life. It caused me huge damage, it hurt AND I got to know myself much better and define my world of wishes a whole lot more.
Its so disappointing when someone you love or care about lies, betrays your trust or finds it hard to be honest.. But it's worth looking at it from all angles. What is the real flaw? Life is full of illusions.
There is also a school of thought that you can only really ever be truly true .. to yourself.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Yes!! It's very possible.
I have chosen a life of ethical non monogomy/polyamoury. I have found its a brilliant alchemy of transparency and privacy. It releases me from the expectations of conventional relationships and as a result I find, it is full of honesty, loyalty and stunning love and honouring.
We have to know ourselves pretty well and be open to finding out new things as they arise.
I know its not for everyone, but as a model, with the right people, it can be more honest, respectful and loyal than some of my monogamous relationships have ever been.
In some conventional relationships it feels a much too complex a thing to balance these things when expectations, desires, being true to oneself, communication, flow and the human condition are all fighting with each other.
When there is compassion, listening, less expectation, good and well communicated boundaries, knowing your wishes and respecting others.. Oh and a willingness to be curious about individuality and the human condition.. Honesty and loyalty fall into place. I find I'm much safer in this place.
I've been lied to, betrayed, cheated on through the most vulnerable times in my life. Shit happens. People make bad choices at certain times in their life. It caused me huge damage, it hurt AND I got to know myself much better and define my world of wishes a whole lot more.
Its so disappointing when someone you love or care about lies, betrays your trust or finds it hard to be honest.. But it's worth looking at it from all angles. What is the real flaw? Life is full of illusions.
There is also a school of thought that you can only really ever be truly true .. to yourself.
"
 |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
"
I tell my partner everything. I hope he does the same x but you never know. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm on here honestly with genuine intentions. I don't lie but I do withold information from anyone I have no connection to. Is that lying or just sensible?"
Sensible. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By *an4funMan
over a year ago
london |
"Is there such a thing?
Look at everyone around you and online etc .. the amount of secrets and lies.
Do you put up with it just so your not alone or do you think you are one of the few with honest relationships in your life?
I tell my partner everything. I hope he does the same x but you never know. "
That's the thing. Without 24hr round the clock surveillance, how would one ever know.
|
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
This post makes me sad. So many people have had such harsh experiences and I know I have contributed to a similar experience for my ex. I did not set out for that to be the case and there are no excuses and I really hope that anyone who has done that to someone else feels the remorse that I do.
However I have been incredibly lucky to find a man who accepted everything about me and that’s only because we have been completely honest with each other. It’s not always easy to be honest, sometimes it leads to very emotional conversations, especially where swinging is concerned but each and every open conversation makes us stronger. Honestly is out there but it’s a two way street and it’s not the easy road at times. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Besides the odd little white lie about a new dress or pair of shoes then we have a 100 per cent honest relationship.
We’ve been together 27 and have grown together and without sounding to cheesy we are best friends and if you can’t be honest with your best friend then your relationship is fucked ."
Spot on. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
|
By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Honest people are usually the most understanding and most forgiving people. So those traits you can only find after really getting to know someone.
Random gate crashing of the thread. |
Reply privately, Reply in forum +quote
or View forums list | |
» Add a new message to this topic
