FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Can you handle Criticism?
Can you handle Criticism?
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"How very dare you!"  | |||
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"depends what type of critism" What are the different types? | |||
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"How do we know? " Are you angry when someone says something negative about you? | |||
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"Of course, I take it as a compliment if someone has the relationship or confidence to be constructively critical of someone. Unless it’s clearly wrong (which is different to ignoring the truth or only wanting to hear good things). " Don't you think most people only want to hear good things though? | |||
"I find the best way to handle criticism is to treat it with the contempt it deserves. " | |||
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"depends what type of critism What are the different types?" constructive critism i can take people taking things apart just to please themselves i cant be doing with | |||
"What? What? WHAT did I do now???" You know what you did! | |||
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"How do we know? Are you angry when someone says something negative about you? " I rarely get angry. But I am grumpy. | |||
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"Constrictive criticism absolutely welcome it ... just criticism from family and friends, then if I can see their point of view maybe. From people that don't know me, I happily listen to their points of view especially well thought out ones - but direct personal criticism? Then no as its largely based on assumptions " Personal criticism is the worst kind - it's difficult to swallow - especially as it's disguised as 'opinion' But maybe it's just as valid. | |||
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"Of course, I take it as a compliment if someone has the relationship or confidence to be constructively critical of someone. Unless it’s clearly wrong (which is different to ignoring the truth or only wanting to hear good things). Don't you think most people only want to hear good things though?" Perhaps, but it helps to have other opinions or viewpoints as well, professionally it works for many, and yet I feel others take things more personally than they need to, particularly if it’s more factual but is taken negatively by the recipient. To truly grow or find happiness I personally think we need to have self understanding and awareness, and I think others have a big part to play in that process sometimes. | |||
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"Constrictive criticism absolutely welcome it ... just criticism from family and friends, then if I can see their point of view maybe. From people that don't know me, I happily listen to their points of view especially well thought out ones - but direct personal criticism? Then no as its largely based on assumptions Personal criticism is the worst kind - it's difficult to swallow - especially as it's disguised as 'opinion' But maybe it's just as valid. " Oh I always listen to opinions ... sometimes it's, once or twice, brought about a thinking that has changed things! But personal criticism from a stranger has more to do with their own personal moment more than mine usually so I have found! | |||
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"Do you know if you can't handle it - or will this be a thread full of people in denial? "I handle criticism well in general. I assume that I'm never finished learning and criticism is just helping me learn. I have improved over the years and no one is as critical about me than I am. | |||
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So I'd say outwardly I take it fairly well and inwardly I just think "yep, confirmation I'm x, y and z".
Do you OP? | |||
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"Honestly, it depends where it's coming from and how it's delivered. Also if I'm PMT-ing or not. I'm quite used to people pointing out my flaws by now in all honesty - I think I'm one of those annoying people who must invite it after you get to know me a bit. So I'd say outwardly I take it fairly well and inwardly I just think "yep, confirmation I'm x, y and z".
Do you OP? "Yes PMT plays a big part in how I react to things too 
I'm my own worst critic so other people's criticisms of me rarely come as a surprise.
Or are they as important as what I think
But seriously I welcome it - because few of us see our true reflection.
It's interesting. | |||
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"Honestly, it depends where it's coming from and how it's delivered. Also if I'm PMT-ing or not. I'm quite used to people pointing out my flaws by now in all honesty - I think I'm one of those annoying people who must invite it after you get to know me a bit. So I'd say outwardly I take it fairly well and inwardly I just think "yep, confirmation I'm x, y and z".
Do you OP?
Yes PMT plays a big part in how I react to things too
I'm my own worst critic so other people's criticisms of me rarely come as a surprise.
Or are they as important as what I think
But seriously I welcome it - because few of us see our true reflection.
It's interesting."Y do you think few see a true reflection of self | |||
"Honestly, it depends where it's coming from and how it's delivered. Also if I'm PMT-ing or not. I'm quite used to people pointing out my flaws by now in all honesty - I think I'm one of those annoying people who must invite it after you get to know me a bit. So I'd say outwardly I take it fairly well and inwardly I just think "yep, confirmation I'm x, y and z".
Do you OP?
Yes PMT plays a big part in how I react to things too
I'm my own worst critic so other people's criticisms of me rarely come as a surprise.
Or are they as important as what I think
But seriously I welcome it - because few of us see our true reflection.
It's interesting.
Y do you think few see a true reflection of self "Deep  | |||
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"Depends if I feel its justified, and how its given. If I don’t believe it is accurate or fair then I can get heated about it." That’s a no then. | |||
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"Avoid saying ‘you always.... or you never...., avoid criticising the person, but say why the actions were wrong and unlike them. Like I’m really angry you left the place a mess last night as you usually make an effort to clean up.... rather than just ‘you never clean up’ or you always leave it to me to clean up When you get it , ask a few people who know you well if they agree with it , good friends will tell the truth, fake friends will often say things like that’s complete bollocks tell her to get fucked " Also a no then | |||
"Avoid saying ‘you always.... or you never...., avoid criticising the person, but say why the actions were wrong and unlike them. Like I’m really angry you left the place a mess last night as you usually make an effort to clean up.... rather than just ‘you never clean up’ or you always leave it to me to clean up When you get it , ask a few people who know you well if they agree with it , good friends will tell the truth, fake friends will often say things like that’s complete bollocks tell her to get fucked " Very insightful. | |||
"Avoid saying ‘you always.... or you never...., avoid criticising the person, but say why the actions were wrong and unlike them. Like I’m really angry you left the place a mess last night as you usually make an effort to clean up.... rather than just ‘you never clean up’ or you always leave it to me to clean up When you get it , ask a few people who know you well if they agree with it , good friends will tell the truth, fake friends will often say things like that’s complete bollocks tell her to get fucked " Absolutely, always use the I message ... it's awesome and works fantastically!! | |||
" Y do you think few see a true reflection of self " Because our own opinions of ourselves are usually bias Even when there's no one else around. | |||
" Y do you think few see a true reflection of self Because our own opinions of ourselves are usually bias Even when there's no one else around. " Not factual. To reflect and appreciate other peoples opinions irradiates the bias | |||
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"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason.... "How do you better yourself then | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then"At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now | |||
" Y do you think few see a true reflection of self Because our own opinions of ourselves are usually bias Even when there's no one else around. " I think it's easier to look out the window and not in the mirror, if we don't go within we go without.. Without going internally seeing out flaws accepting them and working on them, we can't change those biases we have, or belief systems that we carry about out ourselves, which I found aren't even mine, it's what others has either said to me or instilled in me...for me to change, I.mean change substantially, I've had to look and stare in that mirror and be willing to do to that | |||
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" "I’m not sure I like your tone young lady. | |||
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"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now "Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you. Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.  | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy. "Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from! | |||
"As well as the content, It also depends who is passing the criticism, is it handled well or clumsily? Is it genuinely meant to help or a cloak for something more unpleasant? Has someone given you some advice/criticism OP?" Completely the opposite actually. The people around me are quite self absorbed and I doubt they stop thinking about themselves enough to give me a thought. | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from! " | |||
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"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from! "It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment | |||
"As well as the content, It also depends who is passing the criticism, is it handled well or clumsily? Is it genuinely meant to help or a cloak for something more unpleasant? Has someone given you some advice/criticism OP? Completely the opposite actually. The people around me are quite self absorbed and I doubt they stop thinking about themselves enough to give me a thought. " this is true of most people. Also most people won't criticise you to your face anyway | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from!
It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment "Actually the latest research says it from the gut but a person can be happy in any environment if it's from within | |||
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"Only listen to me anyway" Tru dat | |||
"Only listen to me anyway Tru dat "Oi oi saveloy! | |||
"Only listen to me anyway Tru dat
Oi oi saveloy! "Oi oi bird! | |||
"As well as the content, It also depends who is passing the criticism, is it handled well or clumsily? Is it genuinely meant to help or a cloak for something more unpleasant? Has someone given you some advice/criticism OP? Completely the opposite actually. The people around me are quite self absorbed and I doubt they stop thinking about themselves enough to give me a thought. this is true of most people. Also most people won't criticise you to your face anyway" | |||
"Depends if I feel its justified, and how its given. If I don’t believe it is accurate or fair then I can get heated about it. That’s a no then. " If you say so... | |||
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"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from!
It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment "I’m a believer that we create our own environment, so ultimately it is from within. | |||
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" Y do you think few see a true reflection of self Because our own opinions of ourselves are usually bias Even when there's no one else around. I think it's easier to look out the window and not in the mirror, if we don't go within we go without.. Without going internally seeing out flaws accepting them and working on them, we can't change those biases we have, or belief systems that we carry about out ourselves, which I found aren't even mine, it's what others has either said to me or instilled in me...for me to change, I.mean change substantially, I've had to look and stare in that mirror and be willing to do to that " A question for you... Along the "fake it till you make it" thought path... I did a course once which recommended standing in front of the mirror... Look yourself in the eye and repeat whatever mantra to yourself... "you are happy... You are good... You are clever.... You are handsome... Whatever.... Any joy or experience with that type of process? | |||
" Y do you think few see a true reflection of self Because our own opinions of ourselves are usually bias Even when there's no one else around. I think it's easier to look out the window and not in the mirror, if we don't go within we go without.. Without going internally seeing out flaws accepting them and working on them, we can't change those biases we have, or belief systems that we carry about out ourselves, which I found aren't even mine, it's what others has either said to me or instilled in me...for me to change, I.mean change substantially, I've had to look and stare in that mirror and be willing to do to that A question for you... Along the "fake it till you make it" thought path... I did a course once which recommended standing in front of the mirror... Look yourself in the eye and repeat whatever mantra to yourself... "you are happy... You are good... You are clever.... You are handsome... Whatever.... Any joy or experience with that type of process? " Well I can only comment on what's worked for me, that has been writing the 12 steps, about me, my behaviours, my thought patterns, my relationships with ppl, then reading them out, and actively changing the negative patterns of behaviour and thinking, that I become aware off... When I use the term 'it's easier to look out the window, than to look in the mirror' I'm referring to the internal, the window being others, the mirror being me...but the internal me, how I feel, how I think, how I behave... I will say that I'm lucky and have fellowship behind me, and hVe had amazing sponsers, as it happens I'm starting some writing this morning about behaviour | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from!
It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment
I’m a believer that we create our own environment, so ultimately it is from within. "Its always from within, we cant fix an internal problem with a external source | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from!
It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment
I’m a believer that we create our own environment, so ultimately it is from within.
Its always from within, we cant fix an internal problem with a external source "It's harder to do than to say, when you've habitualised over the years, just turning the volume up of whatever the "external source" you choose to counter what's going in inside. | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from!
It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment
I’m a believer that we create our own environment, so ultimately it is from within.
Its always from within, we cant fix an internal problem with a external source
It's harder to do than to say, when you've habitualised over the years, just turning the volume up of whatever the "external source" you choose to counter what's going in inside."I'm.fully aware of habit and how hard it is to break a entrenched ingrained behavioural pattern or how we view ourselves, im open about my life as I don't carry any shame, and don't give a toss if I get judged by others for it, I come from a history of a 20 year herion addiction, that I've changed, if I'm honest that's no mean feet, it wasemt just about changing the drug use I had to change everything about me, my thinking, my behaviour, my attitudes, my perception of self and the world, my relationship, | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from!
It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment
I’m a believer that we create our own environment, so ultimately it is from within.
Its always from within, we cant fix an internal problem with a external source
It's harder to do than to say, when you've habitualised over the years, just turning the volume up of whatever the "external source" you choose to counter what's going in inside.
I'm.fully aware of habit and how hard it is to break a entrenched ingrained behavioural pattern or how we view ourselves, im open about my life as I don't carry any shame, and don't give a toss if I get judged by others for it, I come from a history of a 20 year herion addiction, that I've changed, if I'm honest that's no mean feet, it wasemt just about changing the drug use I had to change everything about me, my thinking, my behaviour, my attitudes, my perception of self and the world, my relationship, "Which is fucking amazing.. Can't say enough words. When I hear stuff like that makes the demons I'm fighting seem so trivial. | |||
"In a word, no. I am hyper sensitive to the slightest criticism (and think there are some fairly severe esteem issues behind that) But that said I don't take compliments well, either. Probably for the same reason....
How do you better yourself then
At the moment, with great difficulty and with regular setbacks. It really is one day at a time right now
Why do you need feedback from other people? You've always come across as a decent bloke. Why strive to be 'better'. Just be you.
Enjoy the sunshine and be happy.
Awesome advice ^^ happiness really begins with just you and it's an easier place to grow from!
It doesn't just begin with you, there is research that shows the biggest Influence on happiness, is our environment
I’m a believer that we create our own environment, so ultimately it is from within.
Its always from within, we cant fix an internal problem with a external source
It's harder to do than to say, when you've habitualised over the years, just turning the volume up of whatever the "external source" you choose to counter what's going in inside.
I'm.fully aware of habit and how hard it is to break a entrenched ingrained behavioural pattern or how we view ourselves, im open about my life as I don't carry any shame, and don't give a toss if I get judged by others for it, I come from a history of a 20 year herion addiction, that I've changed, if I'm honest that's no mean feet, it wasemt just about changing the drug use I had to change everything about me, my thinking, my behaviour, my attitudes, my perception of self and the world, my relationship,
Which is fucking amazing..
Can't say enough words. When I hear stuff like that makes the demons I'm fighting seem so trivial."Brother its all subjective, my pain is my pain yours is yours,don't allow yourself to trivialise your own stuff, just cuz I was a junkie | |||
"As well as the content, It also depends who is passing the criticism, is it handled well or clumsily? Is it genuinely meant to help or a cloak for something more unpleasant? Has someone given you some advice/criticism OP? Completely the opposite actually. The people around me are quite self absorbed and I doubt they stop thinking about themselves enough to give me a thought. this is true of most people. Also most people won't criticise you to your face anyway"Exactly. Criticism is rarely coming from an honest genuine place to benefit you. | |||
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" Any joy or experience with that type of process? " Kenneth Williams, the actor, comedian, raconteur, wit, etc., was an advocate of the method of self-praise to boost one's self-confidence. I think the video is available online. Regrettably he died, possibly by suicide, in 1988 at the age of 62. An exceptionally intelligent autodidact whose early death was a great loss. Loads of interviews, etc., online. | |||
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"Of course, I take it as a compliment if someone has the relationship or confidence to be constructively critical of someone. " I feel the same. Constructive criticism made by someone who genuinely has your best interests at heart and is doing it out of kindness is always most welcome. Bella. | |||
"Constructive criticism made by someone who genuinely has your best interests at heart and is doing it out of kindness is always most welcome. Bella." You talk such shit sometimes Bella. Laure. | |||
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"Constrictive criticism absolutely welcome it ... just criticism from family and friends, then if I can see their point of view maybe. From people that don't know me, I happily listen to their points of view especially well thought out ones - but direct personal criticism? Then no as its largely based on assumptions " This^^ | |||
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