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Dynamics
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
I’ve noticed quite a few times that some people get confused about relationship dynamics, the terminologies used, the names for them and what people ‘get from it’
In the past, the forums were useful as a way of sharing knowledge and educating others, so in that vein, it would be great to share, help, educate and answer questions, in the understanding that information and understanding is the basis for acceptance.
Please remember folks, keep it respectful and don’t kink shame or judge dynamics, just because you might not enjoy it, it doesn’t mean that others can’t or won’t. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bumping that for you before it gets into a forgotten dynamic
Bumping this ^^ before his bump is forever forgotten "
Thank you ever so much. I can sense a bumping dynamic forming between each other |
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Point is though Tea, whenever I speak of mine people tend to go OTT. I've been told openly in threads that I should be put in a mental asylum and that what I do encourages abuse to others.
Instead of listening to what I get up to in the privacy of my own home, they'd rather look up some internet Reddit which isn't the best source out there.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'd written out a very 'blunt betty' reply to this thread, with the hope of sharing information and letting others know they aren't alone, my inbox is open for respectable questions... But then deleted it.
no matter what i say, the kink-shamers are always out in force.
And i don't think im equipped to deal with that today 
But i will bump this in the hope others can help you out tm  Px |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Point is though Tea, whenever I speak of mine people tend to go OTT. I've been told openly in threads that I should be put in a mental asylum and that what I do encourages abuse to others.
Instead of listening to what I get up to in the privacy of my own home, they'd rather look up some internet Reddit which isn't the best source out there.
"
I do get that. Its sad that people knee jerk rather than try to understand.
Of course I absolutely understand that people don’t discuss their kinks, dynamics or interests because others hurl abuse (which should in my opinion result in bans), rather than seek knowledge.
I do think that without sharing, opinions gets polarised but I agree that it’s your need to defend and protect yourself above everything else.
The forums used to be about sharing, discussion and understanding as much as chatting about cake and flirting |
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By *aynLexiCouple
over a year ago
Bridgwater, Somerset |
"Point is though Tea, whenever I speak of mine people tend to go OTT. I've been told openly in threads that I should be put in a mental asylum and that what I do encourages abuse to others.
Instead of listening to what I get up to in the privacy of my own home, they'd rather look up some internet Reddit which isn't the best source out there.
"
We that's just intriguing me further 
Lexi |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I'd written out a very 'blunt betty' reply to this thread, with the hope of sharing information and letting others know they aren't alone, my inbox is open for respectable questions... But then deleted it.
no matter what i say, the kink-shamers are always out in force.
And i don't think im equipped to deal with that today
But i will bump this in the hope others can help you out tm Px "
I’ve just written a response to Frida that is just as appropriate for you. |
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"Point is though Tea, whenever I speak of mine people tend to go OTT. I've been told openly in threads that I should be put in a mental asylum and that what I do encourages abuse to others.
Instead of listening to what I get up to in the privacy of my own home, they'd rather look up some internet Reddit which isn't the best source out there.
I do get that. Its sad that people knee jerk rather than try to understand.
Of course I absolutely understand that people don’t discuss their kinks, dynamics or interests because others hurl abuse (which should in my opinion result in bans), rather than seek knowledge.
I do think that without sharing, opinions gets polarised but I agree that it’s your need to defend and protect yourself above everything else.
The forums used to be about sharing, discussion and understanding as much as chatting about cake and flirting"
I agree with you it should be informative. There are some amazing people on here, who will discuss the value of ethical Dom's instead of using real Dom's etc. And the majority of us want to discuss it, so that people can see what a healthy kink lifestyle is, which should reduce the abusive dark side. But it always comes down to defending myself and my choices instead of a discussion. Ask me why is it I like xyz, tell me you don't understand brilliant. But don't demonise me for something 2 people do to each other in private. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Point is though Tea, whenever I speak of mine people tend to go OTT. I've been told openly in threads that I should be put in a mental asylum and that what I do encourages abuse to others.
Instead of listening to what I get up to in the privacy of my own home, they'd rather look up some internet Reddit which isn't the best source out there.
I do get that. Its sad that people knee jerk rather than try to understand.
Of course I absolutely understand that people don’t discuss their kinks, dynamics or interests because others hurl abuse (which should in my opinion result in bans), rather than seek knowledge.
I do think that without sharing, opinions gets polarised but I agree that it’s your need to defend and protect yourself above everything else.
The forums used to be about sharing, discussion and understanding as much as chatting about cake and flirting
I agree with you it should be informative. There are some amazing people on here, who will discuss the value of ethical Dom's instead of using real Dom's etc. And the majority of us want to discuss it, so that people can see what a healthy kink lifestyle is, which should reduce the abusive dark side. But it always comes down to defending myself and my choices instead of a discussion. Ask me why is it I like xyz, tell me you don't understand brilliant. But don't demonise me for something 2 people do to each other in private. "
Exactly. This is where the kink community really does better; ‘your kink isn’t my kink but that’s ok’ and the basic SSC (safe sane consensual) preclude anything. As long as that’s in place, any discussion is possible |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This thread is so spot on. I've recently read that being a swinger should be x,y and z.
Surely we all do everything differently which is what makes it so lovely!
Yeah, you'll be attracted to those who share your dynamics or kinks. That's the whole point of talking to others and figuring out who suits you best in your own dynamic.
But I'd never tell someone that they aren't this or that 
The world is a better place for variety ; be that kink, dynamics, body size etc. And thank god!!  |
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Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Isn't it possible that a thread like this could simply descend into users bickering over their own definition of what x,y or z is?
Private chat is surely the best way of finding out what things mean to a particular individual/couple |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"This thread is so spot on. I've recently read that being a swinger should be x,y and z.
Surely we all do everything differently which is what makes it so lovely!
Yeah, you'll be attracted to those who share your dynamics or kinks. That's the whole point of talking to others and figuring out who suits you best in your own dynamic.
But I'd never tell someone that they aren't this or that
The world is a better place for variety ; be that kink, dynamics, body size etc. And thank god!! "
You could also expand it to dynamics within a community generally.
I think if you take any community you will always have those that 'judge' if someone isn't doing things the 'right way' or something which isn't 'acceptable' at one end and those that are 'open' and 'accepting' at the other end and are more interested in discussing and finding out more at the other end. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
"
 people make my head hurt. I'm sorry you've had so much shit for that lovely I'll admit, I never understood the DDLG dynamic but I also didn't know how to ask without being judged. There was a great thread here recently and it was brilliant to read and ask questions without being questioned as to why.
There loads of things I don't understand that I'd love to ask about but haven't because of the judging that goes on on here. Thankfully I have great friends I can ask all the "daft" questions to but not everyone has that.
Great thread OP  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Great idea and I wish there were more discussions on dynamics, kinks and fetishes too. The newbies exploring could gain a good insight from those types of threads. But they rarely go well. People flex on their knowledge or experiences leaving those exploring less likely to comment or ask questions. There is quite often as difference in views with people on the thread, again meaning others won't comment on the thread in fear of being caught up in it or completely bypassed as the spat goes on. And then there are kink shamers etc. Its a real shame that on a swingers site there is less discussion on all of these things, yet people wonder why books like 50 shades have such an impact. (no pun intended) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Isn't it possible that a thread like this could simply descend into users bickering over their own definition of what x,y or z is?
Private chat is surely the best way of finding out what things mean to a particular individual/couple"
Or it could be a combination of people giving their opinion on what X,Y and Z means to them. Lots of different aspects from different angles can then help people with their own understanding. Not everything has to be an argument. |
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"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
people make my head hurt. I'm sorry you've had so much shit for that lovely I'll admit, I never understood the DDLG dynamic but I also didn't know how to ask without being judged. There was a great thread here recently and it was brilliant to read and ask questions without being questioned as to why.
There loads of things I don't understand that I'd love to ask about but haven't because of the judging that goes on on here. Thankfully I have great friends I can ask all the "daft" questions to but not everyone has that.
Great thread OP "
You can not understand it that's cool. There's blinking plenty I don't get. Like caged cocks. But I understand that those who do enjoy it, and they got my respect for living their lives as they will.
You can ask me anything about it lovely. Know it wouldn't come from a bad place. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
"
I’ve had DD/lg dynamics before and they’re actually incredibly nurturing and loving dynamics. People get hung up on the ‘Daddy’ aspect but never seem to about sugar daddies. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Isn't it possible that a thread like this could simply descend into users bickering over their own definition of what x,y or z is?
Private chat is surely the best way of finding out what things mean to a particular individual/couple"
Not if it’s respectful. And understanding different dynamics is the whole point, if it’s via PM, others can’t learn |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This thread is so spot on. I've recently read that being a swinger should be x,y and z.
Surely we all do everything differently which is what makes it so lovely!
Yeah, you'll be attracted to those who share your dynamics or kinks. That's the whole point of talking to others and figuring out who suits you best in your own dynamic.
But I'd never tell someone that they aren't this or that
The world is a better place for variety ; be that kink, dynamics, body size etc. And thank god!!
You could also expand it to dynamics within a community generally.
I think if you take any community you will always have those that 'judge' if someone isn't doing things the 'right way' or something which isn't 'acceptable' at one end and those that are 'open' and 'accepting' at the other end and are more interested in discussing and finding out more at the other end."
Very true. Reflecting society in general. You'd just hope that the community on here would be more accepting of dynamics x |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"This thread is so spot on. I've recently read that being a swinger should be x,y and z.
Surely we all do everything differently which is what makes it so lovely!
Yeah, you'll be attracted to those who share your dynamics or kinks. That's the whole point of talking to others and figuring out who suits you best in your own dynamic.
But I'd never tell someone that they aren't this or that
The world is a better place for variety ; be that kink, dynamics, body size etc. And thank god!!
You could also expand it to dynamics within a community generally.
I think if you take any community you will always have those that 'judge' if someone isn't doing things the 'right way' or something which isn't 'acceptable' at one end and those that are 'open' and 'accepting' at the other end and are more interested in discussing and finding out more at the other end."
One thing at a time!
Also if we’re not careful, this thread will become a discussion about what to and how to discuss! |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"This thread is so spot on. I've recently read that being a swinger should be x,y and z.
Surely we all do everything differently which is what makes it so lovely!
Yeah, you'll be attracted to those who share your dynamics or kinks. That's the whole point of talking to others and figuring out who suits you best in your own dynamic.
But I'd never tell someone that they aren't this or that
The world is a better place for variety ; be that kink, dynamics, body size etc. And thank god!!
You could also expand it to dynamics within a community generally.
I think if you take any community you will always have those that 'judge' if someone isn't doing things the 'right way' or something which isn't 'acceptable' at one end and those that are 'open' and 'accepting' at the other end and are more interested in discussing and finding out more at the other end.
Very true. Reflecting society in general. You'd just hope that the community on here would be more accepting of dynamics x "
I guess that it needs to come from somewhere. We haven’t had this type of discussion for a while though |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand. |
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"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
I’ve had DD/lg dynamics before and they’re actually incredibly nurturing and loving dynamics. People get hung up on the ‘Daddy’ aspect but never seem to about sugar daddies. "
Some in these kind of relationships don't even use the name daddy. I know people who use Bear and Princess. The get hung up on the word daddy not the actual relationship. I'm no little girl I mean erm look at my avatar. But it's a space that I have in my mind that needs venting else I end up making poor life decisions. And I'm blinking needy as, that's something a DD understands. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
people make my head hurt. I'm sorry you've had so much shit for that lovely I'll admit, I never understood the DDLG dynamic but I also didn't know how to ask without being judged. There was a great thread here recently and it was brilliant to read and ask questions without being questioned as to why.
There loads of things I don't understand that I'd love to ask about but haven't because of the judging that goes on on here. Thankfully I have great friends I can ask all the "daft" questions to but not everyone has that.
Great thread OP
You can not understand it that's cool. There's blinking plenty I don't get. Like caged cocks. But I understand that those who do enjoy it, and they got my respect for living their lives as they will.
You can ask me anything about it lovely. Know it wouldn't come from a bad place. "
Thank you darling. There is something I'd like to pick your brains about but it'll be a pm conversation
Exactly that, I do my best to not kink shame at any turn (I'm not perfect, I accept that) there's plenty that I know isn't for me but I'm still curious about it - how it works, what people may get from it. I'm a naturally curious person and the more I discover and explore my own kinks, the more I want to know and find out. I like electro play (estims, violet wands) I have friends that don't understand it or have never heard of it, I'm always happy to talk about it if people want and share my fairly limited knowledge because I'm still pretty new to it myself. |
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Whatever happened to you do you, I'll do me mentality?
If you don't enjoy a kink, that doesn't mean others shouldn't.
At the end of the day, we're all out for whatever brings us pleasure, in whatever way that is! |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand. "
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand.
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts. "
Yep, I am well aware |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Bumping that for you before it gets into a forgotten dynamic
Bumping this ^^ before his bump is forever forgotten
Thank you ever so much. I can sense a bumping dynamic forming between each other "
Ooof....it’s getting hot between you chaps bumping away there. I’d suggest a room perhaps but I suspect the ladies may be enjoying the show too much. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand.
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts. "
Not to be a party pooer here but the dynamic of who is educating who is sounds a bit superior |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
I’ve had DD/lg dynamics before and they’re actually incredibly nurturing and loving dynamics. People get hung up on the ‘Daddy’ aspect but never seem to about sugar daddies.
Some in these kind of relationships don't even use the name daddy. I know people who use Bear and Princess. The get hung up on the word daddy not the actual relationship. I'm no little girl I mean erm look at my avatar. But it's a space that I have in my mind that needs venting else I end up making poor life decisions. And I'm blinking needy as, that's something a DD understands. "
I absolutely get that and from a therapeutic stance, it makes absolute sense to me.
Just as CNC can help assault victims and D/s dynamics help control addicts, it has a basis in psychological need and balance. I 100% understand it |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
people make my head hurt. I'm sorry you've had so much shit for that lovely I'll admit, I never understood the DDLG dynamic but I also didn't know how to ask without being judged. There was a great thread here recently and it was brilliant to read and ask questions without being questioned as to why.
There loads of things I don't understand that I'd love to ask about but haven't because of the judging that goes on on here. Thankfully I have great friends I can ask all the "daft" questions to but not everyone has that.
Great thread OP
You can not understand it that's cool. There's blinking plenty I don't get. Like caged cocks. But I understand that those who do enjoy it, and they got my respect for living their lives as they will.
You can ask me anything about it lovely. Know it wouldn't come from a bad place.
Thank you darling. There is something I'd like to pick your brains about but it'll be a pm conversation
Exactly that, I do my best to not kink shame at any turn (I'm not perfect, I accept that) there's plenty that I know isn't for me but I'm still curious about it - how it works, what people may get from it. I'm a naturally curious person and the more I discover and explore my own kinks, the more I want to know and find out. I like electro play (estims, violet wands) I have friends that don't understand it or have never heard of it, I'm always happy to talk about it if people want and share my fairly limited knowledge because I'm still pretty new to it myself. "
That’s another point about education; sometimes it piques interest or let’s others know that they’re not alone in enjoying it |
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I'm game
Mr and I started swinging pretty early in our relationship - I wanted to explore my bi side, so we did what I think is quite common with couples (correct me if I'm wrong) and started looking for a woman to have a threesome with. That led us to couples, which led us to group fun - an mmmf which he didn't partake in, but instead sat back and enjoyed watching. This surprised me at the time as I thought he would want to join in - he thought the same, but in the moment it didn't feel right for him.
At the same time we were exploring different aspects of sub/dom between the two of us. After a while it became clear that I was a natural sub and he a dom. This dynamic doesn't really come into our play with others though.
Children, blah blah fast forward several years...
We discovered fab through friends of ours. Over the past few years (obvs not in the past year!) we've been rediscovering what it is we want. We don't fit into a particular "label" - I do have sex with other men, sometimes with Mr there, sometimes without him - but there is no cuckold element. We have hosted group events with me as the centre of attention ( ) always with Mr there but rarely joining in. And we have met with other couples - we've found this the most difficult dynamic to get right, and are still exploring what it is we are looking for.
Between the two of us the dom/sub dynamic has ramped up, with elements of humiliation and master/sl*ve play. It's intense and very exciting. I also find the adrenaline rush addictive.
I find other people's dynamics fascinating (I find people in general fascinating) so am happy to discuss.
Mrs kf x |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Or was the thread an opportunity to discuss your own dynamic/kink etc and try to educate others? "
No, it’s a PS thread. Contrary to what some might say, I do actually care about people and like to share knowledge and see others happy. I can be quite altruistic when I’m not being a grumpy cynic |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Whatever happened to you do you, I'll do me mentality?
If you don't enjoy a kink, that doesn't mean others shouldn't.
At the end of the day, we're all out for whatever brings us pleasure, in whatever way that is! "
That’s very true but it’s taken a nose dive recently |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand.
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts.
Not to be a party pooer here but the dynamic of who is educating who is sounds a bit superior "
That’s your opinion. More ‘teacher/student’. No one is superior, just sharing knowledge. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
You would have thought that in this day and age we would have gone past caring what people do in private. You do you and I'll do me. Neither should judge. |
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"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand.
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts.
Not to be a party pooer here but the dynamic of who is educating who is sounds a bit superior "
I hear you, I hate when people say "educate yourself!" - it immediately gets my hackles up. I know where it's coming from but the phrase itself grates. Here I think it's more of a sharing and understanding thing that the OP was thinking of? That was my take on it |
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By *adMerWoman
over a year ago
Sandwich |
"Whatever happened to you do you, I'll do me mentality?
If you don't enjoy a kink, that doesn't mean others shouldn't.
At the end of the day, we're all out for whatever brings us pleasure, in whatever way that is!
That’s very true but it’s taken a nose dive recently"
Oh OP whoever or whatever has put a downer on you, I hope it’s temporary. You’re one of my favourite forumites. You always manage to get a discussion without descending into criticism on either side. I love you kinks n all!   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand.
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts.
Not to be a party pooer here but the dynamic of who is educating who is sounds a bit superior
That’s your opinion. More ‘teacher/student’. No one is superior, just sharing knowledge. "
Sharing knowledge doesn't the same connotations than educating though. I have no issues with knowledge sharing because Sharing knowledge involves a back and forth interaction. Not only a one way process
Educating implies an air of superiority. A bit like during colonialism, where westerners wanted to educate 'sauvages'.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual? |
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"Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual?"
Not for me. Every dynamic is different I find x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand.
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts.
Not to be a party pooer here but the dynamic of who is educating who is sounds a bit superior
I hear you, I hate when people say "educate yourself!" - it immediately gets my hackles up. I know where it's coming from but the phrase itself grates. Here I think it's more of a sharing and understanding thing that the OP was thinking of? That was my take on it "
I never said educate yourself. What i meant was with learning and listening, you'll be more understanding. I'm not suggesting people need teaching, I'm suggesting we're more open |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I'm game
Mr and I started swinging pretty early in our relationship - I wanted to explore my bi side, so we did what I think is quite common with couples (correct me if I'm wrong) and started looking for a woman to have a threesome with. That led us to couples, which led us to group fun - an mmmf which he didn't partake in, but instead sat back and enjoyed watching. This surprised me at the time as I thought he would want to join in - he thought the same, but in the moment it didn't feel right for him.
At the same time we were exploring different aspects of sub/dom between the two of us. After a while it became clear that I was a natural sub and he a dom. This dynamic doesn't really come into our play with others though.
Children, blah blah fast forward several years...
We discovered fab through friends of ours. Over the past few years (obvs not in the past year!) we've been rediscovering what it is we want. We don't fit into a particular "label" - I do have sex with other men, sometimes with Mr there, sometimes without him - but there is no cuckold element. We have hosted group events with me as the centre of attention ( ) always with Mr there but rarely joining in. And we have met with other couples - we've found this the most difficult dynamic to get right, and are still exploring what it is we are looking for.
Between the two of us the dom/sub dynamic has ramped up, with elements of humiliation and master/sl*ve play. It's intense and very exciting. I also find the adrenaline rush addictive.
I find other people's dynamics fascinating (I find people in general fascinating) so am happy to discuss.
Mrs kf x"
Thanks for sharing this! |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I'd agree with F and B. I'm very curious about other people, their dynamics, their origin stories (not sorry), their experiences, even if they aren't dynamics I will necessarily partake in myself. What I have found (aside from the kink shaming), is sometimes the "educating" can be somewhat patronising. Or if someone asks a question that is unintentionally clumsy (as we all have done at one point) then it turns into outrage and more patronising.
I'd like to ask questions, of course I would, I could ask questions to anyone all day long. I don't want to be patronised or spoken down to by those who are "educating".
This might be a tangent, apologies if so! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual?
Not for me. Every dynamic is different I find x"
I don’t know if it’s unusual but I think I’m the same. The dynamic influences my mood and perhaps, thus, my behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual?"
I wouldn't say so because I can relate to this. Certain sides of me would only come out with certain people. I put it down to a trust thing on my part. |
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"Ok, apart from how to discuss it and what to do and what not to do, let's look at open-mindedness. That's essentially what you were talking about in your opening statement OP. The non judgement and how we are all different.
You'll never get (in any group of people unless it's a fluke or they are fully open-minded!) everyone understanding all types of dynamics.
It's about education and the willingness of others to learn and try to understand.
Very true.
Perhaps I should start a thread discussing people being open minded and accepting...
Although given how those types of threads seem to go, it would probably sink after 5 posts.
Not to be a party pooer here but the dynamic of who is educating who is sounds a bit superior
I hear you, I hate when people say "educate yourself!" - it immediately gets my hackles up. I know where it's coming from but the phrase itself grates. Here I think it's more of a sharing and understanding thing that the OP was thinking of? That was my take on it
I never said educate yourself. What i meant was with learning and listening, you'll be more understanding. I'm not suggesting people need teaching, I'm suggesting we're more open "
Sorry, pinkgenie, I didn't mean to put words in your mouth. I was talking about the phrase and the concept of educating each other more generally. I totally agree with you - I think if we're more open to listening then we learn stuff. I know I have on here!
Mrs kf x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Whilst I can admit to having an almost voyeuristic interest in how folks go about their sex life, I don't think I can claim to have learned anything that's particularly useful to my own. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Bring it on! Controversy 101!
We have had traditional D/s and M/s dynamics in the past, but the 2 most people get hung up on are:
We (the Mrs and I) enjoy a DDMD/lg dynamic with a friend of ours we see every few months.
While she is also into age regression, the attraction for us is not in pretending she is a relative, but in providing a caring and nurturing space where she can explore her submissive side.
We get up to all sorts, the typical colouring and watching films, but during her last visit we also made some perfumes using a home kit which she then took away with her.
Yes we get some “little” clothes for her to wear. Yes she calls us Mummy and Daddy, but they work in this dynamic as they are softer than the typical Sir, Master, Mistress honourifics we use in other dynamics
What do we get out of it? Honestly, a more relaxed D/s dynamic where it is less about pain, humiliation, high protocol, but she still does as she is told.
We (I mainly) also enjoy CNC dynamics with the right people.
It takes a lot of communication and trust to open up and accept and acknowledge that you enjoy this type of play.
It is not quite the ultimate in power exchange dynamics as it is not always TPE (total power exchange). You have to understand that some people process pain differently from others, and while CNC does not always have to involve physical pain, it is rarely what some would consider a pleasant experience.
Think about people going through military selection, that SAS who dares win programme with Ant Middleton, the Bear Grylls shows or even people training for sporting events.
You can draw some parallels with CNC dynamics, where people are wanting to push themselves both physically and mentally in situations and circumstances others would shy away from, but the rewards are worth it for them.
What do I get out of it? It feeds my sadistic hunger. I get to help people experience things they wouldn’t get to otherwise. In some instances it can help with traumatic experiences, by doing things in a safe space.
You also have to realise that not all BDSM dynamics need or involve sex or become sexualised. That is the choice of the people involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Whilst I can admit to having an almost voyeuristic interest in how folks go about their sex life, I don't think I can claim to have learned anything that's particularly useful to my own. "
Perhaps it depends on the nature of your voyeurism. Are you simply curious or does it arouse you. I think I learn something when it’s a scenario that arouses me. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Whatever happened to you do you, I'll do me mentality?
If you don't enjoy a kink, that doesn't mean others shouldn't.
At the end of the day, we're all out for whatever brings us pleasure, in whatever way that is!
That’s very true but it’s taken a nose dive recently
Oh OP whoever or whatever has put a downer on you, I hope it’s temporary. You’re one of my favourite forumites. You always manage to get a discussion without descending into criticism on either side. I love you kinks n all! "
 |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
Sometimes I think being an exhibitionist gets a bad rap on the forums actually. It can be seen as attention seeking and a bad thing to want to be looked at by others, but the world would be a sadder place without exhibitionists in my opinion!
And equally, every exhibitionist needs at least one voyeur |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I'd agree with F and B. I'm very curious about other people, their dynamics, their origin stories (not sorry), their experiences, even if they aren't dynamics I will necessarily partake in myself. What I have found (aside from the kink shaming), is sometimes the "educating" can be somewhat patronising. Or if someone asks a question that is unintentionally clumsy (as we all have done at one point) then it turns into outrage and more patronising.
I'd like to ask questions, of course I would, I could ask questions to anyone all day long. I don't want to be patronised or spoken down to by those who are "educating".
This might be a tangent, apologies if so! "
Ok.
So how would you like these threads to go?
Should we simply leave them alone for fear of someone feeling spoken down to but it’s ok for people to be abused for their kinks? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Sometimes I think being an exhibitionist gets a bad rap on the forums actually. It can be seen as attention seeking and a bad thing to want to be looked at by others, but the world would be a sadder place without exhibitionists in my opinion!
And equally, every exhibitionist needs at least one voyeur "
Hear hear. I thank the exhibitionists and if they seek the attention, all the better. It makes the voyeurs feel less sleazy about our kink. 
I certainly enjoy your exhibitionism. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Sometimes I think being an exhibitionist gets a bad rap on the forums actually. It can be seen as attention seeking and a bad thing to want to be looked at by others, but the world would be a sadder place without exhibitionists in my opinion!
And equally, every exhibitionist needs at least one voyeur "
I think that attention seeking in its own way is misunderstood but also exhibitionism in its own way can be misconstrued if people assume that you’re looking for meets and actively teasing people.
Obviously that’s an awful lot of assumption and not the exhibitionists fault |
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"Sometimes I think being an exhibitionist gets a bad rap on the forums actually. It can be seen as attention seeking and a bad thing to want to be looked at by others, but the world would be a sadder place without exhibitionists in my opinion!
And equally, every exhibitionist needs at least one voyeur "
I agree. It's often equated to attention seeking which, for a women, can be particularly looked down upon. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Sometimes I think being an exhibitionist gets a bad rap on the forums actually. It can be seen as attention seeking and a bad thing to want to be looked at by others, but the world would be a sadder place without exhibitionists in my opinion!
And equally, every exhibitionist needs at least one voyeur
I agree. It's often equated to attention seeking which, for a women, can be particularly looked down upon. X"
No. Nope. Never look down on it. We love it. We needn’t sneak around being and feeling creepy about what we are, voyeurs. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Whilst I can admit to having an almost voyeuristic interest in how folks go about their sex life, I don't think I can claim to have learned anything that's particularly useful to my own.
Perhaps it depends on the nature of your voyeurism. Are you simply curious or does it arouse you. I think I learn something when it’s a scenario that arouses me."
No, it doesn't arouse me |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
"Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual?"
I don't think this is unusual Kitty. I wouldn’t expect any two encounters to be the same because the dynamics are always different. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I didnt read the comments, yet, sorry.. but for me it's quite simple.. if you don't understand something - ask questions and find out what is it about? If you cannot understand why someone is fond of something, just accept it! If you can do more digging work and support your friend with their kik exploration, that's a bonus. But at the very minimum the acceptance- this is what works for them, even if I do not get it. |
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"I'd agree with F and B. I'm very curious about other people, their dynamics, their origin stories (not sorry), their experiences, even if they aren't dynamics I will necessarily partake in myself. What I have found (aside from the kink shaming), is sometimes the "educating" can be somewhat patronising. Or if someone asks a question that is unintentionally clumsy (as we all have done at one point) then it turns into outrage and more patronising.
I'd like to ask questions, of course I would, I could ask questions to anyone all day long. I don't want to be patronised or spoken down to by those who are "educating".
This might be a tangent, apologies if so! "
I hear what you and F&B are saying. And I don't want to educate anyone I just want to be heard. You know what nobody has ever actually asked my origin story. Usually the threads will say really mean things so it's hard to share deeply personal things. I'm happy to explain all to anyone but only if I think they'll listen. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
So, as per the OP, I'll be brave and ask a "daft" question -
What is actually the difference between D/s, DD/Lg, Master/ Sl*ve etc (I don't know any others)
How do they all differ from a D/s dynamic or are they all variants of the "same thing"?
*Don't shoot me for my wording, genuine question from someone that has no idea. |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"
I hear what you and F&B are saying. And I don't want to educate anyone I just want to be heard. You know what nobody has ever actually asked my origin story. Usually the threads will say really mean things so it's hard to share deeply personal things. I'm happy to explain all to anyone but only if I think they'll listen."
Thank you Frida for actually reading what I typed. I don't think anyone should suffer abuse, nor did I say anywhere it was acceptable. It's awful.
I think it's about both parties showing respect to each other. I'd feel comfortable asking you questions - I'd respect your decision to not respond and I'd also know that you wouldn't talk down to me if you did. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual?"
I don't think it's unusual.
Not everyone brings out the same feelings in us in non sexual relations. Some people make us feel like we want to care for them, some we want to impress, etc. and that will translate into sexy times too, no? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Whilst I can admit to having an almost voyeuristic interest in how folks go about their sex life, I don't think I can claim to have learned anything that's particularly useful to my own.
Perhaps it depends on the nature of your voyeurism. Are you simply curious or does it arouse you. I think I learn something when it’s a scenario that arouses me.
No, it doesn't arouse me "
I find the ones that arouse me pique my erotic interest in wanting to explore it further. In that sense, I consider it to have learnt something from it. Others satisfy my curiosity in behaviour. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I’m just going to shut up and let you folks discuss. I’m clearly getting in the way here and causing the thread to derail"
This is a Forum, a public space for discussion. I haven’t read the thread but I tend to do that when things are quiet here in the middle of the night. Please carry on. I am a newbie to this place and the lifestyle. I have much to learn from EVERY angle. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, as per the OP, I'll be brave and ask a "daft" question -
What is actually the difference between D/s, DD/Lg, Master/ Sl*ve etc (I don't know any others)
How do they all differ from a D/s dynamic or are they all variants of the "same thing"?
*Don't shoot me for my wording, genuine question from someone that has no idea. "
Personally I think they are all differing levels of the same thing. A power exchange between two (sometimes more) people that engage in consenting acts in line with the roles they have taken.
In all cases it's a reciprocal relationship. You can have a dominant personality, or a submissive one. In every day life we are all dominant to some and subservient to others.
I would say it comes down to what the people involved have agreed and if you ask three Dom's what a D/s relationship is you'll get 4 answers
It's evolving and changing all the time. In the days pre internet, you had Dom and sub. Then there was the advert of Top and bottom. No you have DD and lg. And more besides.
At the end of the day, they are all labels and we pick the one we feel suits us best. And that can change. No body fits neatly into a box or a category, but we like to have organisation so we make up labels to help us deal with a difficult world
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"This thread is so spot on. I've recently read that being a swinger should be x,y and z.
Surely we all do everything differently which is what makes it so lovely!
Yeah, you'll be attracted to those who share your dynamics or kinks. That's the whole point of talking to others and figuring out who suits you best in your own dynamic.
But I'd never tell someone that they aren't this or that
The world is a better place for variety ; be that kink, dynamics, body size etc. And thank god!!
You could also expand it to dynamics within a community generally.
I think if you take any community you will always have those that 'judge' if someone isn't doing things the 'right way' or something which isn't 'acceptable' at one end and those that are 'open' and 'accepting' at the other end and are more interested in discussing and finding out more at the other end.
One thing at a time!
Also if we’re not careful, this thread will become a discussion about what to and how to discuss! "
Perhaps there does need to be a thread about how to discuss.
And what is it about someone saying you need to do z,y,x a certain way or y,x,z isn't 'right'? Control?
Does bring to mind someone saying 'I'm open-minded but ... '. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So, as per the OP, I'll be brave and ask a "daft" question -
What is actually the difference between D/s, DD/Lg, Master/ Sl*ve etc (I don't know any others)
How do they all differ from a D/s dynamic or are they all variants of the "same thing"?
*Don't shoot me for my wording, genuine question from someone that has no idea.
Personally I think they are all differing levels of the same thing. A power exchange between two (sometimes more) people that engage in consenting acts in line with the roles they have taken.
In all cases it's a reciprocal relationship. You can have a dominant personality, or a submissive one. In every day life we are all dominant to some and subservient to others.
I would say it comes down to what the people involved have agreed and if you ask three Dom's what a D/s relationship is you'll get 4 answers
It's evolving and changing all the time. In the days pre internet, you had Dom and sub. Then there was the advert of Top and bottom. No you have DD and lg. And more besides.
At the end of the day, they are all labels and we pick the one we feel suits us best. And that can change. No body fits neatly into a box or a category, but we like to have organisation so we make up labels to help us deal with a difficult world
"
Thank you for your response |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual?"
Not at all, no two dynamics will be the same, that's the best part of it I think. You learning more about yourself and your partner, aswell as find different ways to do things. Variety is great, also good for finding different things to try. IMO |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
people make my head hurt. I'm sorry you've had so much shit for that lovely I'll admit, I never understood the DDLG dynamic but I also didn't know how to ask without being judged. There was a great thread here recently and it was brilliant to read and ask questions without being questioned as to why.
There loads of things I don't understand that I'd love to ask about but haven't because of the judging that goes on on here. Thankfully I have great friends I can ask all the "daft" questions to but not everyone has that.
Great thread OP "
I feel the same. What is DDLG? |
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By *edeWoman
over a year ago
the abyss |
I have found this thread really interesting. I am submissive and looking for a D/s relationship but one that works for the both of us.
So many people when I say I want that look at me funny and say along the lines of 'so you want to be bossed around?'
It can be difficult explaining that there is so many different dynamics to it especially if the person isn't particularly fussed for listening. Which leads to frustrating conversations and quite often I feel it's best just to keep quite about it. |
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"I have found this thread really interesting. I am submissive and looking for a D/s relationship but one that works for the both of us.
So many people when I say I want that look at me funny and say along the lines of 'so you want to be bossed around?'
It can be difficult explaining that there is so many different dynamics to it especially if the person isn't particularly fussed for listening. Which leads to frustrating conversations and quite often I feel it's best just to keep quite about it. "
I hear you, we didn't even start out as a D/s couple initially. It just kind of happened and then we did our research and then went from there.
There's so much misinformation about what it means. It's not about being bossed about for me at least. It's about emptying my mind for a while so I can recharge my batteries. And definitely is easier to keep quiet on occasions unfortunately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Hit the nail on the head there. I've been accused of so much just because we're a DDlg couple. Instead of asking me the why what's etc they've decided I'm the devil incarnate, and I'm the cause of child abuse. Even though I've used it to get over childhood trauma, so yeah I'm right at the front of the line to cause that trauma to others
That's like saying I've got my tits out so I'm causing sexual assault. It doesn't work like that.
Happy to discuss with others as long as it's sensible is a conversation
people make my head hurt. I'm sorry you've had so much shit for that lovely I'll admit, I never understood the DDLG dynamic but I also didn't know how to ask without being judged. There was a great thread here recently and it was brilliant to read and ask questions without being questioned as to why.
There loads of things I don't understand that I'd love to ask about but haven't because of the judging that goes on on here. Thankfully I have great friends I can ask all the "daft" questions to but not everyone has that.
Great thread OP "
I was just going to say the DDLG thread by erm the NYC guy (I'm shit with names sorry) was good the other week. I found it interesting and informative. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Bring it on! Controversy 101!
We have had traditional D/s and M/s dynamics in the past, but the 2 most people get hung up on are:
We (the Mrs and I) enjoy a DDMD/lg dynamic with a friend of ours we see every few months.
While she is also into age regression, the attraction for us is not in pretending she is a relative, but in providing a caring and nurturing space where she can explore her submissive side.
We get up to all sorts, the typical colouring and watching films, but during her last visit we also made some perfumes using a home kit which she then took away with her.
Yes we get some “little” clothes for her to wear. Yes she calls us Mummy and Daddy, but they work in this dynamic as they are softer than the typical Sir, Master, Mistress honourifics we use in other dynamics
What do we get out of it? Honestly, a more relaxed D/s dynamic where it is less about pain, humiliation, high protocol, but she still does as she is told.
We (I mainly) also enjoy CNC dynamics with the right people.
It takes a lot of communication and trust to open up and accept and acknowledge that you enjoy this type of play.
It is not quite the ultimate in power exchange dynamics as it is not always TPE (total power exchange). You have to understand that some people process pain differently from others, and while CNC does not always have to involve physical pain, it is rarely what some would consider a pleasant experience.
Think about people going through military selection, that SAS who dares win programme with Ant Middleton, the Bear Grylls shows or even people training for sporting events.
You can draw some parallels with CNC dynamics, where people are wanting to push themselves both physically and mentally in situations and circumstances others would shy away from, but the rewards are worth it for them.
What do I get out of it? It feeds my sadistic hunger. I get to help people experience things they wouldn’t get to otherwise. In some instances it can help with traumatic experiences, by doing things in a safe space.
You also have to realise that not all BDSM dynamics need or involve sex or become sexualised. That is the choice of the people involved."
Is sex involved with your age regression friend?
Great thread OP! Very interesting.
Also... Exhibionists need voyeurs and voyeurs need exhibitionists. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Great thread OP! Very interesting.
Also... Exhibionists need voyeurs and voyeurs need exhibitionists. "
Bravo, well said. As a voyeur, I’d like to thank the exhibitionists for making me feel normal and not like a creepy pervert. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Is sex involved with your age regression friend?
Great thread OP! Very interesting.
Also... Exhibionists need voyeurs and voyeurs need exhibitionists. "
Our DDMD/lg dynamic is sexual in nature, but at no point do we sexualise the age regression.
We were actually sexual partners before we agreed to introduce the DD/lg elements, having a more traditional D/s dynamic first.
The age regression is such a small part of what our dynamic involves. Its main use is when deciding what activities we want to get up to. |
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I tend to chat really openly and honestly on the forums, no kink shaming and at least appreciate whatever anyone else likes.
But reveal my innermost kinks and desires, no 
Not that theres anything that dark or weird but I've seen way too many small minded insular and insecure attitudes deriding others. I'll stand up for anyone on the forums to be able to speak openly and honestly but share mi e,I'll keep to chatting with friends and people I trust enough. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Is sex involved with your age regression friend?
Great thread OP! Very interesting.
Also... Exhibionists need voyeurs and voyeurs need exhibitionists.
Our DDMD/lg dynamic is sexual in nature, but at no point do we sexualise the age regression.
We were actually sexual partners before we agreed to introduce the DD/lg elements, having a more traditional D/s dynamic first.
The age regression is such a small part of what our dynamic involves. Its main use is when deciding what activities we want to get up to."
|
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"Am I unusual because I like different dynamics with different people? I find certain men naturally draw out my submissive side for example, but others really don't and I wouldn't enjoy it with them. With some men I can enjoy rough play, but with others it's off the table.
Is that unusual?"
I don't think so. I totally relate to that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
I love talking about this sort of stuff.
A lot of what I read above is spot on.
I think part of the confusion comes from the understanding of the term dynamic.
To my understanding there are two meanings for dynamic used in bdsm.
One is used as a label for a type of dynamic. DDLg D/s M/s. "That's our type of dynamic"
The other use of the word is more literal and non bdsm specific. I have different dynamic between me and each of my kids for example. It's how I interact with them. And each one is unique. Every person you know has a different dynamic with you.
I'm a Dom (I hate labels and cringe typing that) and my wife is my submissive. If I find another woman who also wants me to dominate her, then even though we will have the same dynamic (D/s) we will have a different dynamic (because she will have different perspectives and reactions ect).
My relationship with my wife is not something others can understand or judge. To understand you would have to have lived my life or my wife's. Our lives and experiences have grown into each other.
No one should judge another's consensual lifestyle choices.
My kink isn't yours but that is OK. If you like dressing up in chicken feathers and get off sitting on a nest with your Dominant or submissive fair play to you. It does nothing for me BUT it doesn't have to. Just like your sexuality means nothing to me until we are engaged on that level.
I can't do age play. But I can still respect the people on here who do. They won't infect me or drag me into a scene without my consent. So it's OK.
Bdsm is built on respect. That doesn't just include respecting your D or s.
That means respecting other people's dynamics and their right to do whatever makes them happy in a consensual way.
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So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse. |
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Before reading this thread I’d have some issues over the whole Daddy/ LG element, as I have over some guys wanting me to dress up as a school girl for them.
However it’s been an interesting read by some people who have been able to assuage my feelings towards this type of play (or dynamic).
I have been on the fetish scene for quite some time, so I never prejudge without questioning, but some times you don’t want your initial concerns changed. But I have certainly learned something and now will try and have a more open minded attitude towards this type of scenario. Mainly because those on here have explained it perfectly.
(Still not dressing as a school girl though )
Thanks guys |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse. "
Thank you for sharing this.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse. "
Can you understand how someone outside the relationship might feel like it *is* control and abuse?
I'm absolutely definitely not saying it is, just trying to understand more from your perspective. |
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"So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse.
Can you understand how someone outside the relationship might feel like it *is* control and abuse?
I'm absolutely definitely not saying it is, just trying to understand more from your perspective."
I totally can understand it, and I've been in one of those kinds of relationship. The difference is, is that it's my choice this time around. I have a submissive nature it is who I am, my ex exploited this and it was an abusive and controlling relationship. This relationship my submissive nature is spoken about and understood and vented in a safe environment. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse.
Can you understand how someone outside the relationship might feel like it *is* control and abuse?
I'm absolutely definitely not saying it is, just trying to understand more from your perspective.
I totally can understand it, and I've been in one of those kinds of relationship. The difference is, is that it's my choice this time around. I have a submissive nature it is who I am, my ex exploited this and it was an abusive and controlling relationship. This relationship my submissive nature is spoken about and understood and vented in a safe environment. "
That's made me very happy. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse.
Can you understand how someone outside the relationship might feel like it *is* control and abuse?
I'm absolutely definitely not saying it is, just trying to understand more from your perspective.
I totally can understand it, and I've been in one of those kinds of relationship. The difference is, is that it's my choice this time around. I have a submissive nature it is who I am, my ex exploited this and it was an abusive and controlling relationship. This relationship my submissive nature is spoken about and understood and vented in a safe environment. "
This is really similar to my wife's perspective. She prefers me to make some choices. She's not incapable or less than. But some times she just likes me to make a decision. She might have made the same decision, but she feels less pressure on the result.
Also on DDlg dynamics. The little doesn't need to be treated like a child. The DD or MD enables the submissive to access a safe place often last felt in childhood. It's a feeling.
There can be role play games too of course. But the soul of the dynamic is the safety feeling and protection.
Most people can identify with wanting to be hugged and made feel safe and warm |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse.
Can you understand how someone outside the relationship might feel like it *is* control and abuse?
I'm absolutely definitely not saying it is, just trying to understand more from your perspective.
I totally can understand it, and I've been in one of those kinds of relationship. The difference is, is that it's my choice this time around. I have a submissive nature it is who I am, my ex exploited this and it was an abusive and controlling relationship. This relationship my submissive nature is spoken about and understood and vented in a safe environment. This is really similar to my wife's perspective. She prefers me to make some choices. She's not incapable or less than. But some times she just likes me to make a decision. She might have made the same decision, but she feels less pressure on the result.
Also on DDlg dynamics. The little doesn't need to be treated like a child. The DD or MD enables the submissive to access a safe place often last felt in childhood. It's a feeling.
There can be role play games too of course. But the soul of the dynamic is the safety feeling and protection.
Most people can identify with wanting to be hugged and made feel safe and warm"
What is DD and MD? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"So this thread has made me ponder a fair bit and I got some questions about my dynamic so I thought I'd pop some of my answers here.
So even though I'm under the DDlg branch I'm actually a middle. So have no interest in colouring or child activities. I'm more of an older teenager.
So for me I've described it settles my anxiety on here and on previous threads so I'll try my best to explain in so far as our dynamic works.
So for me I can get to the point that I can't decide what I want to eat, because it's too much it's overwhelming.
And this is when M (my Dom) steps in. He'll make those decisions for me, it takes stress away from me, giving me space to work on calming down.
So it's not about controlling me, and I have as much say and choice in things as him. M enjoys taking that burden from me and I enjoy not having the stress of making decisions. As I can get overly anxious and can think of a million and one different ways things can go wrong when I'm overwhelmed.
The important thing is consent and this is how you can tell it apart from control and abuse.
Can you understand how someone outside the relationship might feel like it *is* control and abuse?
I'm absolutely definitely not saying it is, just trying to understand more from your perspective.
I totally can understand it, and I've been in one of those kinds of relationship. The difference is, is that it's my choice this time around. I have a submissive nature it is who I am, my ex exploited this and it was an abusive and controlling relationship. This relationship my submissive nature is spoken about and understood and vented in a safe environment. This is really similar to my wife's perspective. She prefers me to make some choices. She's not incapable or less than. But some times she just likes me to make a decision. She might have made the same decision, but she feels less pressure on the result.
Also on DDlg dynamics. The little doesn't need to be treated like a child. The DD or MD enables the submissive to access a safe place often last felt in childhood. It's a feeling.
There can be role play games too of course. But the soul of the dynamic is the safety feeling and protection.
Most people can identify with wanting to be hugged and made feel safe and warm
What is DD and MD?"
Daddy Dom
Mommy Dom |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
"
I have always found that people are less suspicious when they actually meet people with different lifestyles.
You might actually have 2 heads ... I don't judge. But I'm pretty sure a few hours hanging out and I wouldn't notice anymore.
Life is funny like that |
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"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
"
If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it? |
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"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it? "
This is one of my number one top fantasies, which I'd love to play out in reality. I have a real thing for being treated like a piece of meat - with Mr there. I would love to be caged at a party/club then brought out to perform. I don't know why. It just gets me really really excited!
Mrs kf x |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it? "
To be objectified; some times she likes to be treated as a sex slve/fuck toy.
As she is usually the one who takes charge in her sex life, by removing any choice or sense of control we allow her to get into a specific head space.
The one thing I am not sure has been mentioned is that before and after any play/scene we do talk about what we want to get out of it, how if went, any issues or room for improvements, we cover safety, risks and any health concerns.
Its not like she turns up and we just throw her in a cage...! |
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"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it?
This is one of my number one top fantasies, which I'd love to play out in reality. I have a real thing for being treated like a piece of meat - with Mr there. I would love to be caged at a party/club then brought out to perform. I don't know why. It just gets me really really excited!
Mrs kf x"
Ah the penny has dropped so to speak |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it?
This is one of my number one top fantasies, which I'd love to play out in reality. I have a real thing for being treated like a piece of meat - with Mr there. I would love to be caged at a party/club then brought out to perform. I don't know why. It just gets me really really excited!
Mrs kf x"
It's an exciting thought. It's on my to do list, although I doubt I will get the chance to do a proper scene.
I hope you get your chance |
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"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it?
This is one of my number one top fantasies, which I'd love to play out in reality. I have a real thing for being treated like a piece of meat - with Mr there. I would love to be caged at a party/club then brought out to perform. I don't know why. It just gets me really really excited!
Mrs kf xIt's an exciting thought. It's on my to do list, although I doubt I will get the chance to do a proper scene.
I hope you get your chance "
Who knows. It may forever remain a fantasy. Not easy to arrange! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it?
This is one of my number one top fantasies, which I'd love to play out in reality. I have a real thing for being treated like a piece of meat - with Mr there. I would love to be caged at a party/club then brought out to perform. I don't know why. It just gets me really really excited!
Mrs kf xIt's an exciting thought. It's on my to do list, although I doubt I will get the chance to do a proper scene.
I hope you get your chance
Who knows. It may forever remain a fantasy. Not easy to arrange! "
Not easy to arrange because trust is hard. And finding the right people with the right vibes is no easier |
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"Just to fuel the abusive/controlling stereotypes, when do we talk about people sleeping chained to beds or in cages?!?!
We are always willing to meet and chat with people at events to show them that we don’t have 2 heads, that we are not kidney thieves and that BDSM can be fun.
Some of the cross over events we have attended have ended up akin to a show and tell. They may not have wanted to do it themselves, but they found what we did interesting to watch. Others have a dimmer view.
If it's safe and consent given. Why the heck not if that's what they enjoy? I'm not sure I'd like to be caged personally. May I ask what is it that the caged person gets from it?
This is one of my number one top fantasies, which I'd love to play out in reality. I have a real thing for being treated like a piece of meat - with Mr there. I would love to be caged at a party/club then brought out to perform. I don't know why. It just gets me really really excited!
Mrs kf xIt's an exciting thought. It's on my to do list, although I doubt I will get the chance to do a proper scene.
I hope you get your chance
Who knows. It may forever remain a fantasy. Not easy to arrange!
Not easy to arrange because trust is hard. And finding the right people with the right vibes is no easier "
Absolutely. It's all about the right combination of people. |
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