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The gender dynamics of sex
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
This is quite a weighty topic but following on from my thread yesterday regarding fear of rejection, I wonder how many people hold to the ‘traditional’ male aggressors and female passive roles when navigating connections and meets?
In the world that we live in now, is this becoming a dying dynamic and those that hold to it, is it becoming harder to navigate and increasingly unsettling if traditional roles are reversed?
Is it a natural part of modern living that genders are more balanced or is it a natural thing that will never go away?
Thoughts folks... |
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I'd say it's more of an individual thing than a gender generalisation...some people are comfortable being the aggressor in all things carnal/romantic, others are filled with dread at the thought of it. I think there's probably more societal pressure put on men to be the "traditional" aggressor.
I'm happy with either role  |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I'd say it's more of an individual thing than a gender generalisation...some people are comfortable being the aggressor in all things carnal/romantic, others are filled with dread at the thought of it. I think there's probably more societal pressure put on men to be the "traditional" aggressor.
I'm happy with either role "
It’s very true that society puts pressure on guys to be aggressive sexually, although recent situations are limiting that remit.
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I think in vanilla lifestyles it will not change as women look for her protector, stability etc etc and lots of men prove that by taking that "in charge" roll on, when essentially she is in control he is her number 2 he does as he is asked
In fab life people as Dominants, switches and submissives change that aggressive gender dynamic frequently with the different people we meet |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
The gender stereotypes will exist regardless, the old “Me Tarzan You Jane” chest beating ideology will be hard to extinguish like a lot of institutionalised ‘isms.
Confident people are happy to treat each connection as it comes, whether that is being the chaser or the chasee.
I may adopt a certain position in my relationships, but that doesn’t make me feel obligated to be that way with everyone I meet. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Apparently women tend to fantasise about being the object of desire, being tied up, submitting to someone. I've also read that men tend to fantasise about doing and women tend to fanatise about receiving. On a meet i usually find the filthiest mind tends to take the lead regardless of gender...
Tabitha x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why aggressor rather than dominant, we're not all predators/douche bags  "
Why dominant not proactive or confident? Language can be an indicator of our natural inclination, sonic expect someone who feels dominant or aggressive to use those terms as they feel right to them. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why aggressor rather than dominant, we're not all predators/douche bags
Why dominant not proactive or confident? Language can be an indicator of our natural inclination, sonic expect someone who feels dominant or aggressive to use those terms as they feel right to them. "
Good point  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Why aggressor rather than dominant, we're not all predators/douche bags
Why dominant not proactive or confident? Language can be an indicator of our natural inclination, sonic expect someone who feels dominant or aggressive to use those terms as they feel right to them.
Good point "
Don't spread that around, it'll ruin my reputation! |
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I don't think aggressive is particularly the right word. Assertive maybe?
I prefer to be equal rather than either party having the upper hand.
Although do have friends that are definitely into the role reversal thing, which I enjoy. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"The gender stereotypes will exist regardless, the old “Me Tarzan You Jane” chest beating ideology will be hard to extinguish like a lot of institutionalised ‘isms.
Confident people are happy to treat each connection as it comes, whether that is being the chaser or the chasee.
I may adopt a certain position in my relationships, but that doesn’t make me feel obligated to be that way with everyone I meet."
I tend to agree with that, I’m comfortable in many diverse dynamics usually according to the person/people involved. Those are very different from the dynamic that I have with my partner though.
I’m not sure that it’s down to confidence though, maybe it’s a learned process |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don't think aggressive is particularly the right word. Assertive maybe?
I prefer to be equal rather than either party having the upper hand.
Although do have friends that are definitely into the role reversal thing, which I enjoy."
Aggressive is different from aggressor and assertive is different again.
Perhaps the semantics of this are detracting from the point though |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Some women are quite active in their pursuit of their preferred sexual partners. I don't think it's a dominance thing (or even agressive) but it's active and passive.
There are women who will openly pursue people on forums. Or slide into pm's.
They can actively identify a potential playmate, let them know they are interested and then adopt a passive stance and let the mate do all the lifting (so to speak). And it's not based on power dynamic roles. I have had submissive women message me proactively.
The traditional gender norm of women being passive is long established and its slowly being eroded. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think that in this specific area, that we all have a sort of understanding that there are dynamics in place where we respect that there needs to be a “woman-centric” power dynamic. Ultimately, we’ve seen far too many times that in an open environment men cannot be trusted.
Yes, men fear rejection, but being embarrassed is absolutely nothing in comparison to what nearly all women are at risk of unfortunately. I think we recognise that men are and continue to be in a position of power in virtually all forums and that FAB offers women a way to mitigate this safely. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know! "
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Some women are quite active in their pursuit of their preferred sexual partners. I don't think it's a dominance thing (or even agressive) but it's active and passive.
There are women who will openly pursue people on forums. Or slide into pm's.
They can actively identify a potential playmate, let them know they are interested and then adopt a passive stance and let the mate do all the lifting (so to speak). And it's not based on power dynamic roles. I have had submissive women message me proactively.
The traditional gender norm of women being passive is long established and its slowly being eroded. "
That’s an interesting dynamic. Is it still expected that a man is meant to do the ‘heavy lifting’ within a connection? |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I think that in this specific area, that we all have a sort of understanding that there are dynamics in place where we respect that there needs to be a “woman-centric” power dynamic. Ultimately, we’ve seen far too many times that in an open environment men cannot be trusted.
Yes, men fear rejection, but being embarrassed is absolutely nothing in comparison to what nearly all women are at risk of unfortunately. I think we recognise that men are and continue to be in a position of power in virtually all forums and that FAB offers women a way to mitigate this safely. "
So you’re saying that gender politics are heavily involved with sexual dynamics but the current situations are enforcing the traditional roles?
I’m not sure that I agree |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some women are quite active in their pursuit of their preferred sexual partners. I don't think it's a dominance thing (or even agressive) but it's active and passive.
There are women who will openly pursue people on forums. Or slide into pm's.
They can actively identify a potential playmate, let them know they are interested and then adopt a passive stance and let the mate do all the lifting (so to speak). And it's not based on power dynamic roles. I have had submissive women message me proactively.
The traditional gender norm of women being passive is long established and its slowly being eroded.
That’s an interesting dynamic. Is it still expected that a man is meant to do the ‘heavy lifting’ within a connection? "
Not so much expecting. And I may be suffering from a bias here because I talk too much. Some of the women who have messaged me have actively sent me messages to show interest. And then allow me to drive the conversation. (And one in particular is quite happy to drive the conversation herself)
Does that make sense?
|
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I'm pro active when seeking out people we'd like to meet. I tend to do the majority of the looking and initial chatting. I know what I want and how to get it when looking on here.
In our relationship I'm submissive, but again I know how to instigate things. Though I would say I'm more subtle and less direct than M. Where M will say exactly what he wants out loud, I'm more likely to go sit on his lap etc. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"Some women are quite active in their pursuit of their preferred sexual partners. I don't think it's a dominance thing (or even agressive) but it's active and passive.
There are women who will openly pursue people on forums. Or slide into pm's.
They can actively identify a potential playmate, let them know they are interested and then adopt a passive stance and let the mate do all the lifting (so to speak). And it's not based on power dynamic roles. I have had submissive women message me proactively.
The traditional gender norm of women being passive is long established and its slowly being eroded.
That’s an interesting dynamic. Is it still expected that a man is meant to do the ‘heavy lifting’ within a connection? "
That could be viewed as a possessive trait, they are staking a claim and/or letting their interest be known before reverting back to a passive role and letting the other do the chasing.
Both sexes are capable of doing that. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"Some women are quite active in their pursuit of their preferred sexual partners. I don't think it's a dominance thing (or even agressive) but it's active and passive.
There are women who will openly pursue people on forums. Or slide into pm's.
They can actively identify a potential playmate, let them know they are interested and then adopt a passive stance and let the mate do all the lifting (so to speak). And it's not based on power dynamic roles. I have had submissive women message me proactively.
The traditional gender norm of women being passive is long established and its slowly being eroded.
That’s an interesting dynamic. Is it still expected that a man is meant to do the ‘heavy lifting’ within a connection?
That could be viewed as a possessive trait, they are staking a claim and/or letting their interest be known before reverting back to a passive role and letting the other do the chasing.
Both sexes are capable of doing that."
Very much so. There are numerous threads started daily highlighting some aspect of sex or physical beauty that the OP just so happens to be good at or has. It's bait. Come and see what I have. Bait but passive. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"The gender stereotypes will exist regardless, the old “Me Tarzan You Jane” chest beating ideology will be hard to extinguish like a lot of institutionalised ‘isms.
Confident people are happy to treat each connection as it comes, whether that is being the chaser or the chasee.
I may adopt a certain position in my relationships, but that doesn’t make me feel obligated to be that way with everyone I meet.
I tend to agree with that, I’m comfortable in many diverse dynamics usually according to the person/people involved. Those are very different from the dynamic that I have with my partner though.
I’m not sure that it’s down to confidence though, maybe it’s a learned process"
Confidence can mean many things, but in this instance what I mean was those people who are self assured and who can be themselves regardless. If you can behave in a genuine way in your connections with others then you may find your relationship is not so binary with one person being the aggressor and the other being passive. Instead you tend to work together to get to a mutually agreeable result.
|
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I'm pro active when seeking out people we'd like to meet. I tend to do the majority of the looking and initial chatting. I know what I want and how to get it when looking on here.
In our relationship I'm submissive, but again I know how to instigate things. Though I would say I'm more subtle and less direct than M. Where M will say exactly what he wants out loud, I'm more likely to go sit on his lap etc. "
That sounds more like differences in communication styles that dynamics, although I can see your point |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Some women are quite active in their pursuit of their preferred sexual partners. I don't think it's a dominance thing (or even agressive) but it's active and passive.
There are women who will openly pursue people on forums. Or slide into pm's.
They can actively identify a potential playmate, let them know they are interested and then adopt a passive stance and let the mate do all the lifting (so to speak). And it's not based on power dynamic roles. I have had submissive women message me proactively.
The traditional gender norm of women being passive is long established and its slowly being eroded.
That’s an interesting dynamic. Is it still expected that a man is meant to do the ‘heavy lifting’ within a connection?
That could be viewed as a possessive trait, they are staking a claim and/or letting their interest be known before reverting back to a passive role and letting the other do the chasing.
Both sexes are capable of doing that.
Very much so. There are numerous threads started daily highlighting some aspect of sex or physical beauty that the OP just so happens to be good at or has. It's bait. Come and see what I have. Bait but passive. "
Peacocking?
If only there was a correlating behaviour in the animal kingdom for reference... |
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"I'm pro active when seeking out people we'd like to meet. I tend to do the majority of the looking and initial chatting. I know what I want and how to get it when looking on here.
In our relationship I'm submissive, but again I know how to instigate things. Though I would say I'm more subtle and less direct than M. Where M will say exactly what he wants out loud, I'm more likely to go sit on his lap etc.
That sounds more like differences in communication styles that dynamics, although I can see your point"
It does but I can see how it appears as though I am more passive when it's just different styles. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"Some women are quite active in their pursuit of their preferred sexual partners. I don't think it's a dominance thing (or even agressive) but it's active and passive.
There are women who will openly pursue people on forums. Or slide into pm's.
They can actively identify a potential playmate, let them know they are interested and then adopt a passive stance and let the mate do all the lifting (so to speak). And it's not based on power dynamic roles. I have had submissive women message me proactively.
The traditional gender norm of women being passive is long established and its slowly being eroded.
That’s an interesting dynamic. Is it still expected that a man is meant to do the ‘heavy lifting’ within a connection?
Not so much expecting. And I may be suffering from a bias here because I talk too much. Some of the women who have messaged me have actively sent me messages to show interest. And then allow me to drive the conversation. (And one in particular is quite happy to drive the conversation herself)
Does that make sense?
"
It absolutely does |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"The gender stereotypes will exist regardless, the old “Me Tarzan You Jane” chest beating ideology will be hard to extinguish like a lot of institutionalised ‘isms.
Confident people are happy to treat each connection as it comes, whether that is being the chaser or the chasee.
I may adopt a certain position in my relationships, but that doesn’t make me feel obligated to be that way with everyone I meet.
I tend to agree with that, I’m comfortable in many diverse dynamics usually according to the person/people involved. Those are very different from the dynamic that I have with my partner though.
I’m not sure that it’s down to confidence though, maybe it’s a learned process
Confidence can mean many things, but in this instance what I mean was those people who are self assured and who can be themselves regardless. If you can behave in a genuine way in your connections with others then you may find your relationship is not so binary with one person being the aggressor and the other being passive. Instead you tend to work together to get to a mutually agreeable result.
"
Nicely phrased. That definitely resonates far more with me and how I prefer to communicate. But then I think that I play with dynamics in order to gauge interest and to see if they fit with me |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I would say i don't play the aggressive role in that i rarely initiate contact and i don't chase. But that might be a confidence thing rather than a male/female thing. "
It’s that situation that actually led to this thread. I think that in situations such as yours, people can ‘lean’ on traditional dynamics in order to protect themselves |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one."
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I'm pro active when seeking out people we'd like to meet. I tend to do the majority of the looking and initial chatting. I know what I want and how to get it when looking on here.
In our relationship I'm submissive, but again I know how to instigate things. Though I would say I'm more subtle and less direct than M. Where M will say exactly what he wants out loud, I'm more likely to go sit on his lap etc. "
As you know being submissive doesn't mean you don't get to let your Dom know how you are feeling or what you want.
A lot people forget that. Or don't know it. Submissives are passionate people |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify"
is a manly man something that you know it when you see it.
Tall brooding and intelligent. That's my version of manly man because that's what I am.
Others look for different traits. It is whatever you want it to be |
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"This is quite a weighty topic but following on from my thread yesterday regarding fear of rejection, I wonder how many people hold to the ‘traditional’ male aggressors and female passive roles when navigating connections and meets?
In the world that we live in now, is this becoming a dying dynamic and those that hold to it, is it becoming harder to navigate and increasingly unsettling if traditional roles are reversed?
Is it a natural part of modern living that genders are more balanced or is it a natural thing that will never go away?
Thoughts folks..."
I don’t think I’ve ever been passive in my life!!! |
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"I'm pro active when seeking out people we'd like to meet. I tend to do the majority of the looking and initial chatting. I know what I want and how to get it when looking on here.
In our relationship I'm submissive, but again I know how to instigate things. Though I would say I'm more subtle and less direct than M. Where M will say exactly what he wants out loud, I'm more likely to go sit on his lap etc.
As you know being submissive doesn't mean you don't get to let your Dom know how you are feeling or what you want.
A lot people forget that. Or don't know it. Submissives are passionate people "
M totally knows what I want
Submissive doesn't mean without a voice or an opinion to us. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantifyis a manly man something that you know it when you see it.
Tall brooding and intelligent. That's my version of manly man because that's what I am.
Others look for different traits. It is whatever you want it to be"
That’s very true and also part of the issue, a manly man has no quantifiable description beyond a circuitous ‘what a man does’, yet it keeps being used as a descriptor |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I'd say it's more of an individual thing than a gender generalisation...some people are comfortable being the aggressor in all things carnal/romantic, others are filled with dread at the thought of it. I think there's probably more societal pressure put on men to be the "traditional" aggressor.
I'm happy with either role "
I'd agree with this but I'm going to change aggressor to the more proactive one.
I don't think it's becoming harder to navigate because we're swapping traditional gender roles, there are far more factors involved than just that.
I wouldn't say I'm either a proactive or a passive person... I'd much rather it wasn't such a game, I don't want to feel like I'm chasing someone nor do I want to feel like I'm being pursued.
I want to know someone likes me, because I'm needy like that. Anything else? I don't want some peculiar gender based, archaic ritual, I'd rather I was on equal footing with a person - they messaged me and opened conversation and engaged as much as I did. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know! "
i would imagine the men they meet also want someone who will just make decisions, isn’t like a wet lettuce or acting like a 12 year old - to me that is nothing about gender and everything about finding an equal partner able to carry their share of life’s burdens |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify"
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South |
Yes, I am very old fashioned with regards to men.
I have been brought up that if a fella likes you he’ll pursue you. If he doesn’t he won’t. He’ll show interest if he likes you, he won’t if he doesn’t.
And to be honest, it’s made my dating style easier because I’m shy, I’m not the sort of lass to go up to a fella (on here or off) and tell him I like him. I just don’t have that vivacious flirty gene that makes doing that so much easier and doing it successfully. If that makes me a wet lettuce then so be it.
I can’t even look a man in the face if I fancy him.
So yes, it may be old fashioned, a wet lettuce, etc., but I’m not really bothered about changing that.
I might have missed out on some epic romance by being a wallflower, but I’ve also had some epic romances when not doing that so, swings and roundabouts.
And finally, after reading a thread on here recently about what men deem attractive in a woman, I’m even less likely to put myself forward to a fella because I have none of the physical qualities that it seems most Fab men want in a woman and I would be knocked back anyway, so what’s the point?
I do alright as I am. No point making myself uncomfortable or embarrassing myself by going out of my comfort zone just to mix things up a bit.
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"I think in vanilla lifestyles it will not change as women look for her protector, stability etc etc and lots of men prove that by taking that "in charge" roll on, when essentially she is in control he is her number 2 he does as he is asked
In fab life people as Dominants, switches and submissives change that aggressive gender dynamic frequently with the different people we meet"
 |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in "
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?! "
i almost said anthropologist then thought it might be the wrong word so chickened out ... we have literally all sorts on these forums so i am sure one will be along any minute |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?! "
this also gives me a follow up thought of if someone of it is genetics for survival of the species type stuff, well societal opinions and behaviours are evolving wayyyyy faster than our genetics , so does that mean we are always going to have a disconnect between the genders, how we act, the equality we want and the way our brains are actually currently wired
not necessarily my opinion just a rabbit hole of wondering i have now gone down |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Yes, I am very old fashioned with regards to men.
I have been brought up that if a fella likes you he’ll pursue you. If he doesn’t he won’t. He’ll show interest if he likes you, he won’t if he doesn’t.
And to be honest, it’s made my dating style easier because I’m shy, I’m not the sort of lass to go up to a fella (on here or off) and tell him I like him. I just don’t have that vivacious flirty gene that makes doing that so much easier and doing it successfully. If that makes me a wet lettuce then so be it.
I can’t even look a man in the face if I fancy him.
So yes, it may be old fashioned, a wet lettuce, etc., but I’m not really bothered about changing that.
I might have missed out on some epic romance by being a wallflower, but I’ve also had some epic romances when not doing that so, swings and roundabouts.
And finally, after reading a thread on here recently about what men deem attractive in a woman, I’m even less likely to put myself forward to a fella because I have none of the physical qualities that it seems most Fab men want in a woman and I would be knocked back anyway, so what’s the point?
I do alright as I am. No point making myself uncomfortable or embarrassing myself by going out of my comfort zone just to mix things up a bit.
"
My point was there isn't a set Behaviour for men or women. It's person specific.
You are passive and that's great. Like you said you do well and I understand why. And I hope you didn't think I was suggesting that you or anyone should change.
Being yourself is the only way to find contentment |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?!
this also gives me a follow up thought of if someone of it is genetics for survival of the species type stuff, well societal opinions and behaviours are evolving wayyyyy faster than our genetics , so does that mean we are always going to have a disconnect between the genders, how we act, the equality we want and the way our brains are actually currently wired
not necessarily my opinion just a rabbit hole of wondering i have now gone down "
That opens up the nature vs nurture debate, as the Hunter gatherer drive may not (I’m hedging my bets as I’ve not mapped any genomes) be genetic |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?!
this also gives me a follow up thought of if someone of it is genetics for survival of the species type stuff, well societal opinions and behaviours are evolving wayyyyy faster than our genetics , so does that mean we are always going to have a disconnect between the genders, how we act, the equality we want and the way our brains are actually currently wired
not necessarily my opinion just a rabbit hole of wondering i have now gone down "
a society is a living organism made up ideas and culture. As our view change we can change the proportion of ideas that make up a society.
150 years ago public hangings were a form of entertainment. Slowly ideas changed and society evolved to match it. Societies are changing quicker now because we exchange ideas quicker.
You can have a great (or terrible) idea in China and seconds later it can be seen in Russia or France. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?!
this also gives me a follow up thought of if someone of it is genetics for survival of the species type stuff, well societal opinions and behaviours are evolving wayyyyy faster than our genetics , so does that mean we are always going to have a disconnect between the genders, how we act, the equality we want and the way our brains are actually currently wired
not necessarily my opinion just a rabbit hole of wondering i have now gone down
That opens up the nature vs nurture debate, as the Hunter gatherer drive may not (I’m hedging my bets as I’ve not mapped any genomes) be genetic "
i think i probably believe that most of it is nurture, but a small element in there is nature
a bit like we don’t all run about boxing with folk every time we get stressed, but the fight or flight chemical reaction is a real thing |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?!
this also gives me a follow up thought of if someone of it is genetics for survival of the species type stuff, well societal opinions and behaviours are evolving wayyyyy faster than our genetics , so does that mean we are always going to have a disconnect between the genders, how we act, the equality we want and the way our brains are actually currently wired
not necessarily my opinion just a rabbit hole of wondering i have now gone down
That opens up the nature vs nurture debate, as the Hunter gatherer drive may not (I’m hedging my bets as I’ve not mapped any genomes) be genetic "
We do work off instinct too. Years ago my 5 yr old son brought his girlfriend home for a play date.
Straight away he was showing off, bragging, being a little boy. He didn't learn that from me. I'm humble as fuck.
But it was interesting seeing how they behaved with each other.
Sadly the relationship ended last year after 6 years. He can't talk about it yet but he's looking to get back into the game soon |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?!
this also gives me a follow up thought of if someone of it is genetics for survival of the species type stuff, well societal opinions and behaviours are evolving wayyyyy faster than our genetics , so does that mean we are always going to have a disconnect between the genders, how we act, the equality we want and the way our brains are actually currently wired
not necessarily my opinion just a rabbit hole of wondering i have now gone down
That opens up the nature vs nurture debate, as the Hunter gatherer drive may not (I’m hedging my bets as I’ve not mapped any genomes) be genetic We do work off instinct too. Years ago my 5 yr old son brought his girlfriend home for a play date.
Straight away he was showing off, bragging, being a little boy. He didn't learn that from me. I'm humble as fuck.
But it was interesting seeing how they behaved with each other.
Sadly the relationship ended last year after 6 years. He can't talk about it yet but he's looking to get back into the game soon "
christ when 11 years olds can manage a longer relationship than i have it might be time to finally accept i am the problem |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"I would say I am a-typical of gender stereotyping, being independent and single.
I like a manly man though, but a modern thinking one.
What’s a manly man?
My thread the other day highlighted that as very difficult concept to quantify
i wonder if this is where it falls back to caveman style which is guess is meant to be in some way genetic rather than a social construct
big strong man able to care for woman and offspring? which was apparently for best chances of survival of the species
but who knows, is there even evidence of this or was it anecdotal based on an old society and somewhere became believed that it was built into us genetically
would be interesting if someone with the right background could fill us in
Where’s an anthropologist when you need one?!
this also gives me a follow up thought of if someone of it is genetics for survival of the species type stuff, well societal opinions and behaviours are evolving wayyyyy faster than our genetics , so does that mean we are always going to have a disconnect between the genders, how we act, the equality we want and the way our brains are actually currently wired
not necessarily my opinion just a rabbit hole of wondering i have now gone down
That opens up the nature vs nurture debate, as the Hunter gatherer drive may not (I’m hedging my bets as I’ve not mapped any genomes) be genetic We do work off instinct too. Years ago my 5 yr old son brought his girlfriend home for a play date.
Straight away he was showing off, bragging, being a little boy. He didn't learn that from me. I'm humble as fuck.
But it was interesting seeing how they behaved with each other.
Sadly the relationship ended last year after 6 years. He can't talk about it yet but he's looking to get back into the game soon
christ when 11 years olds can manage a longer relationship than i have it might be time to finally accept i am the problem "
they were a cute couple. She was tiny but fierce. |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know!
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please? "
Decisive, proactive, assertive, knows where they are heading - but also spontaneous, strong, fast, good special awareness, intelligent, protective, caring. Of course it’s a stereotype and it’s good that culture is challenging aggression, control and unfair advantages to being about gender equality, but you can’t change millions of years of evolutionary biology.... |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know!
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please?
Decisive, proactive, assertive, knows where they are heading - but also spontaneous, strong, fast, good special awareness, intelligent, protective, caring. Of course it’s a stereotype and it’s good that culture is challenging aggression, control and unfair advantages to being about gender equality, but you can’t change millions of years of evolutionary biology...."
I hate to say it but none of those are specifically male or masculine traits. I know a lot of women that are exactly as you describe, men that aren’t and vice versa.
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know!
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please?
Decisive, proactive, assertive, knows where they are heading - but also spontaneous, strong, fast, good special awareness, intelligent, protective, caring. Of course it’s a stereotype and it’s good that culture is challenging aggression, control and unfair advantages to being about gender equality, but you can’t change millions of years of evolutionary biology....
I hate to say it but none of those are specifically male or masculine traits. I know a lot of women that are exactly as you describe, men that aren’t and vice versa.
"
It’s anecdotal , you just notice the outliers. Look at scientific papers or even sport , the differences on speed, strength and spatial awareness are factual |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know!
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please?
Decisive, proactive, assertive, knows where they are heading - but also spontaneous, strong, fast, good special awareness, intelligent, protective, caring. Of course it’s a stereotype and it’s good that culture is challenging aggression, control and unfair advantages to being about gender equality, but you can’t change millions of years of evolutionary biology....
I hate to say it but none of those are specifically male or masculine traits. I know a lot of women that are exactly as you describe, men that aren’t and vice versa.
It’s anecdotal , you just notice the outliers. Look at scientific papers or even sport , the differences on speed, strength and spatial awareness are factual "
Men are physically stronger at peak physical fitness, that’s not arguable but is that a defining characteristic for what makes a man?
There are lots of female athletes that would put pretty much any guy to shame, which then precludes your points.
Your list of male traits isn’t a definition of a man, it’s a definition of traits that you consider to be manly and possibly traits that you value or consider yourself to hold. Which is fine but not a definition of men |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know!
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please?
Decisive, proactive, assertive, knows where they are heading - but also spontaneous, strong, fast, good special awareness, intelligent, protective, caring. Of course it’s a stereotype and it’s good that culture is challenging aggression, control and unfair advantages to being about gender equality, but you can’t change millions of years of evolutionary biology....
I hate to say it but none of those are specifically male or masculine traits. I know a lot of women that are exactly as you describe, men that aren’t and vice versa.
It’s anecdotal , you just notice the outliers. Look at scientific papers or even sport , the differences on speed, strength and spatial awareness are factual
Men are physically stronger at peak physical fitness, that’s not arguable but is that a defining characteristic for what makes a man?
There are lots of female athletes that would put pretty much any guy to shame, which then precludes your points.
Your list of male traits isn’t a definition of a man, it’s a definition of traits that you consider to be manly and possibly traits that you value or consider yourself to hold. Which is fine but not a definition of men"
Yes - of course It’s a stereotype, I think even you know what the biological definition of a man is
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It depends on what kind of connections I'm making and who I'm meeting / how much I trust them. I've never been one to conform to stereotypical roles, in or out the bedroom. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know!
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please?
Decisive, proactive, assertive, knows where they are heading - but also spontaneous, strong, fast, good special awareness, intelligent, protective, caring. Of course it’s a stereotype and it’s good that culture is challenging aggression, control and unfair advantages to being about gender equality, but you can’t change millions of years of evolutionary biology...."
None of those are specific to ‘being a man’. They could be applied equally to either gender. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I don’t think so, I have three very independent and successful daughters and they all still want a man to be a man, with a life plan, and sometimes just make decisions for them, not a piece of lettuce acting like a 12 year old like a lot of the guys they know!
Ok...
Define what ‘a man being a man’ is please?
Decisive, proactive, assertive, knows where they are heading - but also spontaneous, strong, fast, good special awareness, intelligent, protective, caring. Of course it’s a stereotype and it’s good that culture is challenging aggression, control and unfair advantages to being about gender equality, but you can’t change millions of years of evolutionary biology....
I hate to say it but none of those are specifically male or masculine traits. I know a lot of women that are exactly as you describe, men that aren’t and vice versa.
It’s anecdotal , you just notice the outliers. Look at scientific papers or even sport , the differences on speed, strength and spatial awareness are factual
Men are physically stronger at peak physical fitness, that’s not arguable but is that a defining characteristic for what makes a man?
There are lots of female athletes that would put pretty much any guy to shame, which then precludes your points.
Your list of male traits isn’t a definition of a man, it’s a definition of traits that you consider to be manly and possibly traits that you value or consider yourself to hold. Which is fine but not a definition of men
Yes - of course It’s a stereotype, I think even you know what the biological definition of a man is
"
Even me?
Are you trying to be dismissive?
Righto, I’m leaving you there. Enjoy your evening |
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By *exyEggsCouple
over a year ago
North East Scotland, mostly |
I've always been happy to be active in sex and relationships. I know what I want, I've never been one to sit around and hope someone asks me to dance. It's the same story on here, and many times I've been told that's a very attractive trait, which doesn't hurt!
Do I think things are changing in wider society with regard to women being more proactive? Yes, I like to think they are, in many areas of life. That's not to say there aren't plenty of women who prefer a more passive role, of course. But women who previously have felt they "should" play the coy lady, even if it goes against the grain, are hopefully becoming more empowered.
Mrs kf x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think that in this specific area, that we all have a sort of understanding that there are dynamics in place where we respect that there needs to be a “woman-centric” power dynamic. Ultimately, we’ve seen far too many times that in an open environment men cannot be trusted.
Yes, men fear rejection, but being embarrassed is absolutely nothing in comparison to what nearly all women are at risk of unfortunately. I think we recognise that men are and continue to be in a position of power in virtually all forums and that FAB offers women a way to mitigate this safely.
So you’re saying that gender politics are heavily involved with sexual dynamics but the current situations are enforcing the traditional roles?
I’m not sure that I agree"
I’m not saying that as such. What I am saying is that gender roles ARE changing and more and more people are recognising this. Some for good some for bad. To ignore the politics of that is to create an assumption of equality where one doesn’t yet exist. Women are harassed more than men, sexually assaulted more than men, attacked and sadly killed more than men, BY men. So it makes total sense that in an environment like FAB, women are more in control because like it or not, it’s much less likely that it’s their pride that gets hurt if they do not. Having said that FAB is a different community to the “oi polloi” and as a result, I would hope at the very least, that men are more respectful. Although, based on a lot of the comments by women about single men on here, possibly not.
Ultimately, for women to be safe, they have to have a greater level of control in the whole forum and everyone needs to respect that regardless of hurt feelings. |
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