FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Not all about the sex?
Not all about the sex?
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By *andV OP Couple
over a year ago
Doncaster |
Hey, so me and my husband have this profile together. He’s a good talker, me not so much. But I’m curious as other peoples thoughts. As much as it’s probably fun I’m really not out for the whole one night fuck, see you later thing. Other half is quite a confident horny person but I don’t feel I could proper let go unless I actually trust that person/people. So I really want to get to know people first before anything even happens and to make friends they enjoy things from there. Do other people feel like that? |
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I find that talking and getting to know someone first makes the sex so much better.
If you think about it, even in clubs or dogging there is plenty of chat and banter first..
The cold wham, bam thank you mam's suits some, but the anonimity is a bit like a macdonalds .. satisfies your cravings for a few minutes and then you're hungry again..
I musch prefer a sunday roast.. lol |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
The brain is the biggest sex organ. If you don’t have a connection and instead base a meet solely on physical attraction then while you may have fun, it may be less satisfying overall.
Wanting a connection isn’t that uncommon to ensure you have some compatibility.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I can't have sex with someone i do not have some chemistry with and it gets better the more I am with someone the better it gets. I have also made social friends through swinging  |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
I have to have some connection with the person I share my bed with, I've done the club thing and found it to be a little impersonal although fun.
For me, it isn't just about sticking my cock in a woman I dont know. I firmly believe that with knowledge and understanding of what a person wants make for greater sex |
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I need to know and like someone on a very superficial level. Personally I couldn't get to know someone very well after a couple of social meets and I'm not here to form deep relationships. Any friendship we develop would need to be sexual in some way from fairly early on or not sexual at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If you're not really a good talker, I don't know how you're going to be able to build up what you seek with someone "
Perhaps it’s less about being a good talker as finding the person who talks on your level. The right fit, so to speak. |
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Don't think you are on your own with that view at all.
Some people get off on the whole anonymity and fucking a stranger vibe, which is fine but not my thing.
I need to like the person I'm shagging, otherwise why would I care about their pleasure lol. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I need to get to know someone a little first. It's important to have common ground, know you will be compatible sexually and feel comfortable around them. The meet itself will determine if it's a one off or regular thing for me  |
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Yes intimacy is much more rewarding with a friend, I'm bored of the let's start a conversation and then it fades off after 2 days as they are not receiving gratification pics and sex talk, I seek something deeper |
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When we first joined the scene both myself and the Mrs would tend to jump in. Lots of fun but at the end it all felt rather unsatisfying and not quite it. With a bit more experience now we're found fucking people who"ve become friends and we can also chill with so much better for us. |
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Dictate your own pace OP and do not worry about your “reputation”. Everyone is different in this regard and you should only ever go through the different stages of this lifestyle when you, as an individual are comfortable.
I am sure you have an excellent partner who has told you this, yet you may be pressuring yourself to please. Please don’t do that, if you need to build trust and be comfortable, then take that time, fab isn’t going anywhere, you have all the time in the world, enjoy all of the other parts of this lifestyle and settle on a way forward that suits you both. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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When socials and meet and greets are back you will find it much easier to make connections.
We were very slow to get started. Maybe 6 months. We found one really good connection and she told us that socials help. We met her at one, had our first threesome and we were away.
At that first social we met others we would play with later. And friends we still talk to 5 years later. |
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"When socials and meet and greets are back you will find it much easier to make connections.
We were very slow to get started. Maybe 6 months. We found one really good connection and she told us that socials help. We met her at one, had our first threesome and we were away.
At that first social we met others we would play with later. And friends we still talk to 5 years later. "
5 years? Nice! I have this (stupid?) ideal of being able to "settle down" with a few single and couple friends and hang out, and sometimes just not bother fucking because we watched TV instead... Whether that level of friendship born of swingers is actually feasible or healthy I don't know, but the comfort of being able to be totally you, rather than putting on a front, is very appealing. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve written and deleted this at least five times.
I’m on a new path in life. I’ve been single for some years. I cannot contemplate sex without some affection for the other person first.
I’m trying to find out if I can even do this brief encounter business. I approach it timorously because I’ve never had one. I don’t know how it’s supposed to happen. It seems so easy for everyone. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We don't fuck strangers.
We prefer to build friendships with people before playing.
Sex is 100x better with people you trust, are comfortable with and can have a laugh with.
Swinging is whatever you want it to be...you'll always find someone who's compatible 
Lu  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When socials and meet and greets are back you will find it much easier to make connections.
We were very slow to get started. Maybe 6 months. We found one really good connection and she told us that socials help. We met her at one, had our first threesome and we were away.
At that first social we met others we would play with later. And friends we still talk to 5 years later.
5 years? Nice! I have this (stupid?) ideal of being able to "settle down" with a few single and couple friends and hang out, and sometimes just not bother fucking because we watched TV instead... Whether that level of friendship born of swingers is actually feasible or healthy I don't know, but the comfort of being able to be totally you, rather than putting on a front, is very appealing."
That’s actually an appealing notion for me as well. |
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We are looking for people to enhance an already exceptional sex life and we’ll only get that through getting to know someone.
Knowing that they’ll fit into our ideals and likewise us theirs. You only get that through getting learning about each other
K |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think making friends is vitality important... Although most couples will akways have a more dominant /talker / message replier
I find it hard to fathom how people can just meet and and get down to it... There has to be a connection with other people |
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"I’ve written and deleted this at least five times.
I’m on a new path in life. I’ve been single for some years. I cannot contemplate sex without some affection for the other person first.
I’m trying to find out if I can even do this brief encounter business. I approach it timorously because I’ve never had one. I don’t know how it’s supposed to happen. It seems so easy for everyone."
I think you need a certain distance as a couple (unless you're polyamorous) but maybe not as a single person. That said I also think you need to be able to separate the physical from the emotional whatever your relationship status. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When socials and meet and greets are back you will find it much easier to make connections.
We were very slow to get started. Maybe 6 months. We found one really good connection and she told us that socials help. We met her at one, had our first threesome and we were away.
At that first social we met others we would play with later. And friends we still talk to 5 years later.
5 years? Nice! I have this (stupid?) ideal of being able to "settle down" with a few single and couple friends and hang out, and sometimes just not bother fucking because we watched TV instead... Whether that level of friendship born of swingers is actually feasible or healthy I don't know, but the comfort of being able to be totally you, rather than putting on a front, is very appealing."
Can you elaborate on what you mean by putting on a front? |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
That's me too.
I've done the turn up, fuck, fuck off for a long time and it's not fulfilling me.
I don't want a boyfriend or partner, just a friend who I have amazing sex with.
The friendship part is what men I speak to have the problem with.
I state on my profile that if I'm going to do a hook up it will only be with hot, young men |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"I’ve written and deleted this at least five times.
I’m on a new path in life. I’ve been single for some years. I cannot contemplate sex without some affection for the other person first.
I’m trying to find out if I can even do this brief encounter business. I approach it timorously because I’ve never had one. I don’t know how it’s supposed to happen. It seems so easy for everyone.
I think you need a certain distance as a couple (unless you're polyamorous) but maybe not as a single person. That said I also think you need to be able to separate the physical from the emotional whatever your relationship status. "
I'm very good at keeping emotions out of sexual relationships, but men don't seem to want anything more than a fuck.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey, so me and my husband have this profile together. He’s a good talker, me not so much. But I’m curious as other peoples thoughts. As much as it’s probably fun I’m really not out for the whole one night fuck, see you later thing. Other half is quite a confident horny person but I don’t feel I could proper let go unless I actually trust that person/people. So I really want to get to know people first before anything even happens and to make friends they enjoy things from there. Do other people feel like that? "
Absolutely! Could never meet without really getting to know them first. How do you know what they like, or they know what you like?
Yeah, quick sex is fun but I'd imagine it's far less satisfying than getting together with someone you can't wait to meet after months of messaging. I can't compare as I've never done the stranger sex thing. It's just not for me x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is a great thread, I remember many moons ago one of my first couple meets in Cupid’s. We talked for about two hours and really got turned on all 3 of us at the bar and then going into a room was a progression from there. It’s one of my fondest memories too |
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When we were in our early 20s we both enjoyed a lot of sex for its own sake. Casual sex, one might stands, call it what you will. We enjoyed the other persons company for a brief interval, usually shared a drink and a laugh before and a coffee and a laugh afterwards. Two people, enjoying each other, no disrespect, no judgement just a lot of fun.
We're older now of course and I certainly take a bit longer to get revved up and enjoy getting to know people a bit before we get sexual but I look back on those days with fondness. |
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"When socials and meet and greets are back you will find it much easier to make connections.
We were very slow to get started. Maybe 6 months. We found one really good connection and she told us that socials help. We met her at one, had our first threesome and we were away.
At that first social we met others we would play with later. And friends we still talk to 5 years later.
5 years? Nice! I have this (stupid?) ideal of being able to "settle down" with a few single and couple friends and hang out, and sometimes just not bother fucking because we watched TV instead... Whether that level of friendship born of swingers is actually feasible or healthy I don't know, but the comfort of being able to be totally you, rather than putting on a front, is very appealing.
Can you elaborate on what you mean by putting on a front? "
Just not feeling the nerves or anxiety. Being able to talk about every day life, including shitty things, rather than just having to talk about the scene and TV shows. Am I about to tell this couple or that guy that I cried last week from my cat being put to sleep... probably not, but I'm still thinking about it a fair bit inside.
Obviously everyone works differently, and maybe other people already do find their average meets go like this when they can have them. |
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"I’ve written and deleted this at least five times.
I’m on a new path in life. I’ve been single for some years. I cannot contemplate sex without some affection for the other person first.
I’m trying to find out if I can even do this brief encounter business. I approach it timorously because I’ve never had one. I don’t know how it’s supposed to happen. It seems so easy for everyone.
I think you need a certain distance as a couple (unless you're polyamorous) but maybe not as a single person. That said I also think you need to be able to separate the physical from the emotional whatever your relationship status.
I'm very good at keeping emotions out of sexual relationships, but men don't seem to want anything more than a fuck.
"
No, a lot of men don't. That's ok by me as long as they don't mislead. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Can’t fault a connection/chemistry and that ‘click’ when you meet someone, doesn’t necessarily mean you should have to be with that person 24/7, just nice when that connection does happen and when you do then spend time together with that person |
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"When we were in our early 20s we both enjoyed a lot of sex for its own sake. Casual sex, one might stands, call it what you will. We enjoyed the other persons company for a brief interval, usually shared a drink and a laugh before and a coffee and a laugh afterwards. Two people, enjoying each other, no disrespect, no judgement just a lot of fun.
We're older now of course and I certainly take a bit longer to get revved up and enjoy getting to know people a bit before we get sexual but I look back on those days with fondness."
We've come away from meets in the past and literally asked each other... "What was the point of that?" Fun at the time, but with little fundamental connection, it all felt like a bit of a token gesture afterwards. |
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"Actually enjoy chatting, exchanging likes and dislikes, getting to know the person before actually meeting.
Covid has been a blessing in that respect, no alternative!! lol"
Struggling to believe most of the responses lol
We love having a natter and a drink with everyone and anyone at a club. If we happen to have a mutual superficial level of attraction we may have a play.
If there's an orgy going on we may not have spoken to anyone specifically and will just dive in.
It's swinging. Not dating. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When we were in our early 20s we both enjoyed a lot of sex for its own sake. Casual sex, one might stands, call it what you will. We enjoyed the other persons company for a brief interval, usually shared a drink and a laugh before and a coffee and a laugh afterwards. Two people, enjoying each other, no disrespect, no judgement just a lot of fun.
We're older now of course and I certainly take a bit longer to get revved up and enjoy getting to know people a bit before we get sexual but I look back on those days with fondness.
We've come away from meets in the past and literally asked each other... "What was the point of that?" Fun at the time, but with little fundamental connection, it all felt like a bit of a token gesture afterwards."
Didn't you at least get a wee added thrill and some smile making memories from an adventure that you shared together? |
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"When we were in our early 20s we both enjoyed a lot of sex for its own sake. Casual sex, one might stands, call it what you will. We enjoyed the other persons company for a brief interval, usually shared a drink and a laugh before and a coffee and a laugh afterwards. Two people, enjoying each other, no disrespect, no judgement just a lot of fun.
We're older now of course and I certainly take a bit longer to get revved up and enjoy getting to know people a bit before we get sexual but I look back on those days with fondness.
We've come away from meets in the past and literally asked each other... "What was the point of that?" Fun at the time, but with little fundamental connection, it all felt like a bit of a token gesture afterwards."
Then that kind of meet isn't for you . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"When socials and meet and greets are back you will find it much easier to make connections.
We were very slow to get started. Maybe 6 months. We found one really good connection and she told us that socials help. We met her at one, had our first threesome and we were away.
At that first social we met others we would play with later. And friends we still talk to 5 years later.
5 years? Nice! I have this (stupid?) ideal of being able to "settle down" with a few single and couple friends and hang out, and sometimes just not bother fucking because we watched TV instead... Whether that level of friendship born of swingers is actually feasible or healthy I don't know, but the comfort of being able to be totally you, rather than putting on a front, is very appealing.
That’s actually an appealing notion for me as well. "
As nice couple said in their reply to you a certain distance needs to be maintained for couples outside of polyamorous relationships. We might develop into a polyamorous couple but we are not there yet.
The friends closest to us are not play friends now. That part of the relationship is closed. It might open again in the future but in general it can't be open.
In your hypothetical you go over to jack and Mary's house for a few drinks and to watch antique roadshow. If it's drinks, roadshow and sex you bring one sort of energy. if it's drinks, roadshow and a balti that's a different energy. And it's hard to switch from one to another. What if you arrive over horny and Mary (or jack) is ready to fo but the other is annoyed because they thought this was just tv.
But having a group of friends who you might hang out with at socials and have sex with is very possible. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I definitely like to get to know someone first. I like to have that attraction and mental stimulation too. I also love to have a laugh and be comfortable with someone. Trust and respect are huge and those are built and earned, not just given. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Actually enjoy chatting, exchanging likes and dislikes, getting to know the person before actually meeting.
Covid has been a blessing in that respect, no alternative!! lol
Struggling to believe most of the responses lol
We love having a natter and a drink with everyone and anyone at a club. If we happen to have a mutual superficial level of attraction we may have a play.
If there's an orgy going on we may not have spoken to anyone specifically and will just dive in.
It's swinging. Not dating. "
That part came for us after we got our feet. Our first club night we played on our own. We were in the middle of an orgy but we touched no one else.
Our second club meet we jumped in. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Everyone uses fab in a different way so each to their own.
For me personally I don't want to make friends. I have no interest in socials,
I don't want to waste the time and effort to get to know someone only to find out they are not worth it and have no idea of what to do in the bedroom.
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"As nice couple said in their reply to you a certain distance needs to be maintained for couples outside of polyamorous relationships. We might develop into a polyamorous couple but we are not there yet.
The friends closest to us are not play friends now. That part of the relationship is closed. It might open again in the future but in general it can't be open.
In your hypothetical you go over to jack and Mary's house for a few drinks and to watch antique roadshow. If it's drinks, roadshow and sex you bring one sort of energy. if it's drinks, roadshow and a balti that's a different energy. And it's hard to switch from one to another. What if you arrive over horny and Mary (or jack) is ready to fo but the other is annoyed because they thought this was just tv.
But having a group of friends who you might hang out with at socials and have sex with is very possible. "
I know there is zero chance / desire for polyamory in our world, so it does feel like a strange fit despite the ideals floating in my head. Unless there's something like geographical distance to keep things clean in other ways. That said, it's obviously possible to make long term occasional meet couples. And we live in hope of that becoming a thing in some form one day, rather than all the continually frustrating effort here. |
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I'm interested to know how people define "knowing" someone. I think I might be seeing this from the perspective of a 40 year relationship. We're never going to know someone as well as we know each other so a basic mutual understanding and a shared sense of humour developed over a couple of socials is enough for us. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"As nice couple said in their reply to you a certain distance needs to be maintained for couples outside of polyamorous relationships. We might develop into a polyamorous couple but we are not there yet.
The friends closest to us are not play friends now. That part of the relationship is closed. It might open again in the future but in general it can't be open.
In your hypothetical you go over to jack and Mary's house for a few drinks and to watch antique roadshow. If it's drinks, roadshow and sex you bring one sort of energy. if it's drinks, roadshow and a balti that's a different energy. And it's hard to switch from one to another. What if you arrive over horny and Mary (or jack) is ready to fo but the other is annoyed because they thought this was just tv.
But having a group of friends who you might hang out with at socials and have sex with is very possible.
I know there is zero chance / desire for polyamory in our world, so it does feel like a strange fit despite the ideals floating in my head. Unless there's something like geographical distance to keep things clean in other ways. That said, it's obviously possible to make long term occasional meet couples. And we live in hope of that becoming a thing in some form one day, rather than all the continually frustrating effort here."
Physical distance is helpful I agree.
And to be clear. Nothing will come between my wife and I. Swinging is fun but she is my world |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm interested to know how people define "knowing" someone. I think I might be seeing this from the perspective of a 40 year relationship. We're never going to know someone as well as we know each other so a basic mutual understanding and a shared sense of humour developed over a couple of socials is enough for us. "
Interesting. Personally speaking I would like to get to know them at least on a 'friend' level before even thinking about sex. I guess I've always wanted one person who I can share the journey with. I'm beginning to see I'm not a swinger at all. Started off thinking I could and now that's gone out of the window. Yeah, I've enjoyed clubs, yeah I've loved going to socials but when it comes to sharing my body, I want someone beside me who knows me and who I trust.
Oh god, it is dating  |
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That's totally us. We are interested in the social side. If there's no social then we're not interested in sex with people. I know many people want to find people to have sex, and we have no issues with what works for them, but we want to get to know people and sex should be an extension of the friendship. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are people saying that swingers fuck indiscriminately and don't care who they fuck?"
Some are so maybe I'm not after all.
Ahhh sod it, I'm not gonna label myself because I don't conform to a certain way of doing things. |
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"I'm interested to know how people define "knowing" someone. I think I might be seeing this from the perspective of a 40 year relationship. We're never going to know someone as well as we know each other so a basic mutual understanding and a shared sense of humour developed over a couple of socials is enough for us.
Interesting. Personally speaking I would like to get to know them at least on a 'friend' level before even thinking about sex. I guess I've always wanted one person who I can share the journey with. I'm beginning to see I'm not a swinger at all. Started off thinking I could and now that's gone out of the window. Yeah, I've enjoyed clubs, yeah I've loved going to socials but when it comes to sharing my body, I want someone beside me who knows me and who I trust.
Oh god, it is dating "
I think it's down to individuals to make it clear what they're looking for. I don't think any of us has the right to tell other people how they should be "swinging" (whatever that is) and I don't think any way of doing it is better than another. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm interested to know how people define "knowing" someone. I think I might be seeing this from the perspective of a 40 year relationship. We're never going to know someone as well as we know each other so a basic mutual understanding and a shared sense of humour developed over a couple of socials is enough for us.
Interesting. Personally speaking I would like to get to know them at least on a 'friend' level before even thinking about sex. I guess I've always wanted one person who I can share the journey with. I'm beginning to see I'm not a swinger at all. Started off thinking I could and now that's gone out of the window. Yeah, I've enjoyed clubs, yeah I've loved going to socials but when it comes to sharing my body, I want someone beside me who knows me and who I trust.
Oh god, it is dating
I think it's down to individuals to make it clear what they're looking for. I don't think any of us has the right to tell other people how they should be "swinging" (whatever that is) and I don't think any way of doing it is better than another."
Absolutely. |
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"Are people saying that swingers fuck indiscriminately and don't care who they fuck?"
No, but in an orgy situation there's limited opportunity to sound out people for their views on quantitive easing and monetary policy.
If someone is being overtly boorish or tedious then we'd pass, cos it's ugly, but it's mainly about superficial attraction for us. |
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"I'm interested to know how people define "knowing" someone. I think I might be seeing this from the perspective of a 40 year relationship. We're never going to know someone as well as we know each other so a basic mutual understanding and a shared sense of humour developed over a couple of socials is enough for us. "
I'd say its more trust, than knowing. being able to depend on a romantic friendship level that they are as into me as I am into them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are people saying that swingers fuck indiscriminately and don't care who they fuck?
No, but in an orgy situation there's limited opportunity to sound out people for their views on quantitive easing and monetary policy.
If someone is being overtly boorish or tedious then we'd pass, cos it's ugly, but it's mainly about superficial attraction for us. "
That's just one scenario though.
You can meet a couple and get to know them and enjoy great sex because you get on well. That's also swinging.
It doesn't mean you date them.
Everyone will have differing ideas and that's what makes the world go round. We bring different things to this place. |
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"Are people saying that swingers fuck indiscriminately and don't care who they fuck?
No, but in an orgy situation there's limited opportunity to sound out people for their views on quantitive easing and monetary policy.
If someone is being overtly boorish or tedious then we'd pass, cos it's ugly, but it's mainly about superficial attraction for us.
That's just one scenario though.
You can meet a couple and get to know them and enjoy great sex because you get on well. That's also swinging.
It doesn't mean you date them.
Everyone will have differing ideas and that's what makes the world go round. We bring different things to this place. "
"Getting on well" means a good old flirt to us really. We're not that interested in their Auntie Doris in Cleethorpes. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are people saying that swingers fuck indiscriminately and don't care who they fuck?
No, but in an orgy situation there's limited opportunity to sound out people for their views on quantitive easing and monetary policy.
If someone is being overtly boorish or tedious then we'd pass, cos it's ugly, but it's mainly about superficial attraction for us.
That's just one scenario though.
You can meet a couple and get to know them and enjoy great sex because you get on well. That's also swinging.
It doesn't mean you date them.
Everyone will have differing ideas and that's what makes the world go round. We bring different things to this place.
"Getting on well" means a good old flirt to us really. We're not that interested in their Auntie Doris in Cleethorpes. "
And that's good, that's your preference! Exactly the point I was making.
What works for you might not for others but it doesn't mean they want to date as such.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Are people saying that swingers fuck indiscriminately and don't care who they fuck?"
Are you saying swingers don’t do that???  I’m afraid I’ll need to reappraise my entire notion of what swinging is. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Actually enjoy chatting, exchanging likes and dislikes, getting to know the person before actually meeting.
Covid has been a blessing in that respect, no alternative!! lol
Struggling to believe most of the responses lol
We love having a natter and a drink with everyone and anyone at a club. If we happen to have a mutual superficial level of attraction we may have a play.
If there's an orgy going on we may not have spoken to anyone specifically and will just dive in.
It's swinging. Not dating. "
This is why I thought I’d try the clubs as my introduction into this lifestyle but at the end of the day, I’m a single man. I hardly qualify as a swinger. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We care who we fuck, we just want to fuck and not chat! I dont want to know about people's jobs, homelife, opinions....swinging for us is about the taboo not the everyday! As long as we're confident the people we're meeting are on the same page as us and can have a laugh, we'd rather keep it superficial and just get naked in a pile! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve written and deleted this at least five times.
I’m on a new path in life. I’ve been single for some years. I cannot contemplate sex without some affection for the other person first.
I’m trying to find out if I can even do this brief encounter business. I approach it timorously because I’ve never had one. I don’t know how it’s supposed to happen. It seems so easy for everyone.
I think you need a certain distance as a couple (unless you're polyamorous) but maybe not as a single person. That said I also think you need to be able to separate the physical from the emotional whatever your relationship status. "
You’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s the separation of the two and I need to see if I can do that. If I can, great. If I can’t, then at least I’ll know. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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There is no right way.
If you like to know someone well enough that you know the birthday of their pet frog... there are people who can do that with you.
If you want your meet to be stripping off clothes before the door opens... there are people who can do that for you too.
Let no one rush you or tell you that your way isn't right. |
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"I’ve written and deleted this at least five times.
I’m on a new path in life. I’ve been single for some years. I cannot contemplate sex without some affection for the other person first.
I’m trying to find out if I can even do this brief encounter business. I approach it timorously because I’ve never had one. I don’t know how it’s supposed to happen. It seems so easy for everyone.
I think you need a certain distance as a couple (unless you're polyamorous) but maybe not as a single person. That said I also think you need to be able to separate the physical from the emotional whatever your relationship status.
You’ve hit the nail on the head. It’s the separation of the two and I need to see if I can do that. If I can, great. If I can’t, then at least I’ll know."
Exactly. I think you can make yourself vulnerable on the internet in general but where sex is concerned in particular and people will sometimes take advantage of that. |
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All my experiences from fab have been absolutely brilliant due to getting to know the person I'm going to fuck.
I need some sort of connection with them, never been a fuck and go woman and never will be.
If the men in question don't like it, then I'm sure there will be plenty of other women on here who would suit them better x |
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"I'm interested to know how people define "knowing" someone. I think I might be seeing this from the perspective of a 40 year relationship. We're never going to know someone as well as we know each other so a basic mutual understanding and a shared sense of humour developed over a couple of socials is enough for us.
I'd say its more trust, than knowing. being able to depend on a romantic friendship level that they are as into me as I am into them"
While I don't want a romantic friendship I do like to know or at least have the illusion that they're in to me. That's one reason I'm not keen on meeting very young men. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"All my experiences from fab have been absolutely brilliant due to getting to know the person I'm going to fuck.
I need some sort of connection with them, never been a fuck and go woman and never will be.
If the men in question don't like it, then I'm sure there will be plenty of other women on here who would suit them better x"
Well said - for me at least |
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What an interesting thread.
We've had both situations. People that we've met at a club and played straight away and people we've met where a friendship developed and we saw again and again.
For us the latter was more fulfilling. Because we knew each other, we felt more comfortable in their company. There wasn't the awkward can I touch moment as we trusted them and they trusted us.
We would in many cases be more comfortable if our vanilla friends enjoyed the lifestyle as relationships and boundaries are already established. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Yes, your not alone.
We very much enjoy the social side of things just as much as the naughty fun!
Friends that we can fuck. Erm yes please
Prefer it over a wham bam thank you mam 
Her x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey, so me and my husband have this profile together. He’s a good talker, me not so much. But I’m curious as other peoples thoughts. As much as it’s probably fun I’m really not out for the whole one night fuck, see you later thing. Other half is quite a confident horny person but I don’t feel I could proper let go unless I actually trust that person/people. So I really want to get to know people first before anything even happens and to make friends they enjoy things from there. Do other people feel like that? "
Lots of interesting views on here so far!
For me personally, the key components of a great experience are: a hot situation, chemistry with those involved, self confidence. This doesn't mean that friendship with playmates is a prerequisite, not does it preclude it, I just think they're not dependent on each other.
If you want friends with benefits, crack on! Likewise if you just want playmates and don't need to be friends, enjoy yourselves.
If we all rolled the same way, it would be a boring world! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Hey, so me and my husband have this profile together. He’s a good talker, me not so much. But I’m curious as other peoples thoughts. As much as it’s probably fun I’m really not out for the whole one night fuck, see you later thing. Other half is quite a confident horny person but I don’t feel I could proper let go unless I actually trust that person/people. So I really want to get to know people first before anything even happens and to make friends they enjoy things from there. Do other people feel like that?
Lots of interesting views on here so far!
For me personally, the key components of a great experience are: a hot situation, chemistry with those involved, self confidence. This doesn't mean that friendship with playmates is a prerequisite, not does it preclude it, I just think they're not dependent on each other.
If you want friends with benefits, crack on! Likewise if you just want playmates and don't need to be friends, enjoy yourselves.
If we all rolled the same way, it would be a boring world!"
Meant to add, I'd rather find people we love to fuck and then work out if we get on as friends than make friends and find out we don't like fucking them. |
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"I'm interested to know how people define "knowing" someone. I think I might be seeing this from the perspective of a 40 year relationship. We're never going to know someone as well as we know each other so a basic mutual understanding and a shared sense of humour developed over a couple of socials is enough for us.
I'd say its more trust, than knowing. being able to depend on a romantic friendship level that they are as into me as I am into them
While I don't want a romantic friendship I do like to know or at least have the illusion that they're in to me. That's one reason I'm not keen on meeting very young men. "
I understand that, to be someones true focus is an amazing feeling, rather than having him half focusing on many |
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"Meant to add, I'd rather find people we love to fuck and then work out if we get on as friends than make friends and find out we don't like fucking them."
That seems like a really odd binary to propose. I'd feel pretty queasy if we had a meet at a club and then found they were raving Nazis or something. I mean, it's always possible to find these things out, but fucking a blank canvas... yick. |
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"Meant to add, I'd rather find people we love to fuck and then work out if we get on as friends than make friends and find out we don't like fucking them.
That seems like a really odd binary to propose. I'd feel pretty queasy if we had a meet at a club and then found they were raving Nazis or something. I mean, it's always possible to find these things out, but fucking a blank canvas... yick."
Think that's a fairly unlikely scenario. Far as we know almost everyone in clubs is 'normal'. Liberal. Probably more so than in the real world. |
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"Meant to add, I'd rather find people we love to fuck and then work out if we get on as friends than make friends and find out we don't like fucking them.
That seems like a really odd binary to propose. I'd feel pretty queasy if we had a meet at a club and then found they were raving Nazis or something. I mean, it's always possible to find these things out, but fucking a blank canvas... yick."
"Fucking a blank canvas"
I like that...not that I have x |
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By *nlyfun3Woman
over a year ago
NEAR Berkhamsted,Herts |
I always look for good conversation before looks. Looks help, but if attractive but no conversation I'm not interested. But if they can chat someone who at 1st glance isn't totally for me can become attractive |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Meant to add, I'd rather find people we love to fuck and then work out if we get on as friends than make friends and find out we don't like fucking them.
That seems like a really odd binary to propose. I'd feel pretty queasy if we had a meet at a club and then found they were raving Nazis or something. I mean, it's always possible to find these things out, but fucking a blank canvas... yick."
I guess it depends whether you want an emotional, intellectual or physical connection with playmates. You know what people want you to know, so how well do we really know anyone? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Personally i find it really odd to meet people clothed, in a social context, talking about life stuff then turn it round to sex and getting naked. A quick drink and a chat before play is one thing but I would much rather jump into a club pile than go out for dinner which may or may not end in fucking! But then i just like being filthy!
Tabitha x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am not looking to date or have a relationship. However I definitely want to get to know someone before I fuck them. Drinks, chat, flirting before jumping into bed is the ideal. Empty one off encounters are not for me.
I would like to hope that I build up enough of a connection that we both want to meet up with each other again, as and when it suits both.
However experience so far suggests that many give a good impression of wanting that but then disappear after the first encounter never to be heard from again! |
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".....
However experience so far suggests that many give a good impression of wanting that but then disappear after the first encounter never to be heard from again!"
I think that's ^^^^ probably closer to the truth than an awful lot of claims ITT |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
"Hey, so me and my husband have this profile together. He’s a good talker, me not so much. But I’m curious as other peoples thoughts. As much as it’s probably fun I’m really not out for the whole one night fuck, see you later thing. Other half is quite a confident horny person but I don’t feel I could proper let go unless I actually trust that person/people. So I really want to get to know people first before anything even happens and to make friends they enjoy things from there. Do other people feel like that? "
It's what I enjoy getting to know someone better then when both feel comfortable take matters further and this doesn't always have to happen because the social side of things can be just as much enjoyed |
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I think for us it really varies. We generally just swing in the club scene. For us a club visit is far more than the sex. We love to have a good drink, socialise and a laugh. If we play it's generally with people we've had a good laugh with and a couple of drinks with prior. Then let things flow naturally into a room if the connection is right. But sometimes we've played with total strangers who we invited into our fun or they've invited us into theirs and it's just worked. In our experience if it works, it works. No hard set protocol or rules. It just depends on atmosphere, mood and chemistry (which on rare occasions is just instantly there). |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"Are people saying that swingers fuck indiscriminately and don't care who they fuck?
Are you saying swingers don’t do that??? I’m afraid I’ll need to reappraise my entire notion of what swinging is. "
I'm not saying anything, but having sex with someone you've taken the time to get to know isn't dating.
If it is I have a hell of a lot of boyfriends. |
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By *andV OP Couple
over a year ago
Doncaster |
Hubby here, Thanks for all the replies to vicks post, (It's her first one ).
Some really good comments and opinions and think vicki is just surprised by how many people feel the same way lol.
Just for a bit of context we have been to a club, and played with a couple on the very first visit to one so it is something we have tried and we had fun, so certainly no judgement from us, love whatever floats your boat,
but when we have met up with people we have got to know a lot better the experiences have just been a lot more exciting.
It is very hard to get to know people you don't know already, especially via text, and no we don't need to know the ins and outs of your auntie before we would have sex with you haha
Just need to know if we're on the same wavelength.
Especially as the social side is a big part of what adds to the fun, for us anyway.
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I'm very sceptical
