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The Art of Conversation..
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I guess you've either got it or you haven't. How important is conversation to you?
Here's the scenario.. you have found a profile that has peaked your interest and the person seems to be what your looking for. So you progress onto messaging but the conversation is one sided, it's like pulling teeth trying to converse with them. This completely puts me off as personality is just as important as sexual attraction for me. I know we are all here for the same goal, but I don't think it's a lot to ask for to get to know someone a little before banging the night away.
Am I expecting too much or is having common ground important? Or do you only need sexual attraction to pick a playmate?
Thoughts... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It feels like effort is one sided and it does not feel good ever.
If someone isn't interested in my thoughts, how they can ensure I have a good experience? And vice versa? Relying on old tricks? Textbooks and previous claims of sexual prowess? Nah. |
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We enjoy conversation but realise that some people aren't as good at it in writing as they are face to face. In normal times if someone has piqued our interest we arrange a social. That establishes compatibility or otherwise  |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I like to be able to have a laugh with someone. But I find lots of questions (or just someone “getting to know me”) a bit exhausting, personally.
If it’s meant to flow it will flow.
If it feels like pulling teeth then move on, plenty more fish in the sea who are chattier. . |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like to be able to have a laugh with someone. But I find lots of questions (or just someone “getting to know me”) a bit exhausting, personally.
If it’s meant to flow it will flow.
If it feels like pulling teeth then move on, plenty more fish in the sea who are chattier. . "
If I don't giggle at least 3 times per conversation it's a sign of doom!  |
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I find 95% of the people on here that I attempt to talk to are like pulling teeth to have a conversation with. I’m happy for jokes/banter but I would also like to form connections with people prior to any play. But I find most conversations are one sided with me asking things and getting nothing back other than a simple 1 or 2 word answer. It’s very tedious  |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
Honestly, I would much prefer to actually have a conversation where I get to know more about someone, if we have things in common, likes and dislikes, not just sexual, but generally.
I wont invite some random stranger into my bed. I will admit that there are a few forumite ladies, that I would, but then I am only human |
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Personally think that if you manage to hit it off in mails then you probably will when you meet. If the messages flow between each other, raising laughs and smiles without really trying, you virtually know that will be it will continue when those carefully written messages become spontaneous conversation. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I think I'm starting to realise I'm a bit of a sapiophile.. Beauty is amazing but it gets a little samey without chemistry, laughter and conversation "
Agreed  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's interesting to hear other people feel the same. Banter, laughter and that initial chemistry is important for me too.. without that I struggle to find people attractive, even if they are ridiculously good looking. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"It's interesting to hear other people feel the same. Banter, laughter and that initial chemistry is important for me too.. without that I struggle to find people attractive, even if they are ridiculously good looking."
someone can look like a god or a goddess, but if there is nothing between the ears, you are not really going to connect other than on a physical basis, then I think that is just going to be a fuck for the sake of fucking
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Given the choice between a woman that I have common ground and great connection with and a woman that can’t form a sentence together to even tempt me into conversation I’d take the one with the best tits every time. |
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By *akbearMan
over a year ago
Newbury |
You need conversation, however message after message can be tiring and if there was an attraction pre Covid you'd have organised a social first and done it that way.
Were all learning on how to adapt and fingers crossed with the easing things will be back to real face to face conversations. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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My problem is starting those conversations.... do you go down the polite, nice guy... not obsessed with sex kind of message or the full on this is what I want to do to you kind of thing.
For clarity I always start a conversation with the former.... but it isn't often I get a reply |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Without trying to sound cold I didnt need much in the way of deep conversatìon to meet people previously. It was enough to fancy their pictures, not think they were a terrible person and that they were repectful, safe and up for a good time (sounds like the most boring profile write up ever  ) If I am getting into too much deep and meaningful conversation and finding out all about you I shall be falling in love/lust or relying on you too much to make me laugh and keep me happy and that would never do 
I think I have lost the ability to converse on here though just now.
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"I guess you've either got it or you haven't. How important is conversation to you?
Here's the scenario.. you have found a profile that has peaked your interest and the person seems to be what your looking for. So you progress onto messaging but the conversation is one sided, it's like pulling teeth trying to converse with them. This completely puts me off as personality is just as important as sexual attraction for me. I know we are all here for the same goal, but I don't think it's a lot to ask for to get to know someone a little before banging the night away.
Am I expecting too much or is having common ground important? Or do you only need sexual attraction to pick a playmate?
Thoughts..."
One sided conversations do my head in. Here, in clubs, anywhere. I have come close to giving up due to the difficulty of talking to people. Finding like-minded people is very very difficult.... with the wonderful exception of this forum!
At one point I just had the other person endlessly replying "why?!?" to everything I said. I don't understand time wasters. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh you have to have the ‘click’! Sadly, it’s rare to find that.
I’m not keen on chatting online, but you still need to be able to make a connection with someone. |
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By *rad670Man
over a year ago
South Lakes |
It is extremely frustrating and common. I take time to read profiles, ask reasonable questions and offer to answer questions only to recieve at the most one sentence replies mostly three to four word replies. How are you supposed to keep a conversation going if you are doing all the work? |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I guess we all communicate differently, so sometimes wires can get crossed. However, I also get that some people find it easier to communicate in person than online so its easy to read it wrong. Same as too much talking can be draining, it's hard to find that balance. |
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By *ucka39Man
over a year ago
Newcastle |
Communication is intended to be where the other finds interesting but also able to reply to using a wild imagination funny whether sexual or not sense of humour is the key but being able to put together a scenario that gives the other to think hmmm and wanting to explore further in this conversation and treating the other as a human being regardless of the site it's being respectful this is also very much attractive to continue to chat with another |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I like to be able to have a laugh with someone. But I find lots of questions (or just someone “getting to know me”) a bit exhausting, personally.
If it’s meant to flow it will flow.
If it feels like pulling teeth then move on, plenty more fish in the sea who are chattier. . "
Problem is when the other fish actually resemble blobfish.
All the guys I seem to find a good conversation/banter with, im 100% mentally attracted to, but im not physically attracted to. X |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Given the choice between a woman that I have common ground and great connection with and a woman that can’t form a sentence together to even tempt me into conversation I’d take the one with the best tits every time."
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"Personally think that if you manage to hit it off in mails then you probably will when you meet. If the messages flow between each other, raising laughs and smiles without really trying, you virtually know that will be it will continue when those carefully written messages become spontaneous conversation. "
Exactly this |
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By *reya73Woman
over a year ago
Whitley Bay |
Chemistry, conversation, connection. Whether its a warm spark, a sizzling giggle, depth or an all out kaboom, I look to enhance and be enhanced on some level. I'm open to 'just sex' but it rarely is just sex for me. |
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This is such a problem on here - Some people just think they have to send a message and you respond and they think that’s enough for us to meet and bump uglies!
Or when it’s just you asking questions and they just answer! Ahhhhh to keep the conversation going you have to ask questions too!
It’s a dying art I think! We love to engage with people but it is like pulling teeth at times... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I guess you've either got it or you haven't. How important is conversation to you?
Here's the scenario.. you have found a profile that has peaked your interest and the person seems to be what your looking for. So you progress onto messaging but the conversation is one sided, it's like pulling teeth trying to converse with them. This completely puts me off as personality is just as important as sexual attraction for me. I know we are all here for the same goal, but I don't think it's a lot to ask for to get to know someone a little before banging the night away.
Am I expecting too much or is having common ground important? Or do you only need sexual attraction to pick a playmate?
Thoughts..."
Thoughts!! first thought is the art of conversation is dead these days..
Not all can hold one above a superficial level, however banter is important as well, if that's not there well!!
After all communication is the basis for finding commonalities, between each other,
I can have immense sexual attraction, however if there is no lights on then that fizzles out very quickly, I need to be stimulated mentally, turn my mind on the rest will definitely follow
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I generally prefer to arrange a social sooner rather than later, I’m not a fan of messaging too much on here, although, an engaging, original message from an interested party will capture my attention, way more than the ‘Hey’ ‘How are you?’ ones. Talking face to face is a much better way of establishing if there’s an attraction. |
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I started this venture thinking it would all be illicit liaisons and physical urgency.
Detached and not encroaching on my marriage.
But... similar to what folk have said in the thread, turns out so much of my arousal sits in possibilities, a sense of intrigue, anticipation of a great sexual connection... and that comes from forming a picture of someone.
If this doesn't start in the messaging, they're not gonna get me to a social... |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"This is such a problem on here - Some people just think they have to send a message and you respond and they think that’s enough for us to meet and bump uglies!
Or when it’s just you asking questions and they just answer! Ahhhhh to keep the conversation going you have to ask questions too!
It’s a dying art I think! We love to engage with people but it is like pulling teeth at times... "
I struggle with this too, when they just answer questions but don't ask anything in return. This is where the conversation usually dies out unless we carry it on! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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A personal and conversational connection is essential for me, but the limitations of lockdown have made that very tricky at times. Text or even phone chat can't replace the rhythms or subtleties of talking in person, and seeing people's facial expressions and their body language is also a dialogue of its own. I miss meeting ! |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"Given the choice between a woman that I have common ground and great connection with and a woman that can’t form a sentence together to even tempt me into conversation I’d take the one with the best tits every time."
Oh Tender you cad.
I'm normally fairly good at conversation (ask all the right questions etc) but I've found right now my headspace is somewhat... well I wouldn't say limited but I'm aware I can be rather dire. I also find it difficult to tell if people are interested in me and that's normally the green light for me to waffle and ask 101 questions. Maybe when I've rediscovered my self confidence I'll be better at it.
Perhaps conversations feel a bit more like pulling teeth currently because of the zeitgeist of apathy? I'm not sure if this makes sense in the slightest. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I love to have a chat and get to know people! Here I guess that the opening message has to be something that piques an interest. If conversation isn’t flowing and comfortable then it sure isn’t going to progress anywhere |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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To us, if you can't hold a conversation, it's a non starter.
As a couple, obviously it's rare to get a message from a single girl, but if she can't hold a conversation and sends one line replies, doesn't matter how good her pics "appear" to be, we're out. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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I find the first message sets the tone of the conversation. I love a message that goes straight for the banter rather than being over complimentary. It's hard to show your true personality over text but the one's that make me giggle usually are the one's with the best conversation. |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
"I find the first message sets the tone of the conversation. I love a message that goes straight for the banter rather than being over complimentary. It's hard to show your true personality over text but the one's that make me giggle usually are the one's with the best conversation."
can you form an initial opinion if it's a forumite
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Oh god it's so difficult sometimes. When the conversation is just repetitive or going nowhere 
Sometimes you just click with someone, get a sense of their humour and more about them  I long for more of those conversations.. |
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By *histlerMan
over a year ago
Guildford |
It’s tough to get that first message right. You take the time to read the profile, craft a message, try to keep it light but have someone to talk about...
Then you see it just gets deleted... west’s you down after a while!! |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find the first message sets the tone of the conversation. I love a message that goes straight for the banter rather than being over complimentary. It's hard to show your true personality over text but the one's that make me giggle usually are the one's with the best conversation. can you form an initial opinion if it's a forumite"
Yes I guess so, we can have an idea of a person by the way they interact in the forums. But sometimes you can find they are very different to their forum persona once chatting privately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Conversation in person very important
Soon as someone I'm talking too looks at their phone or not at me I walk away saying nothing.
They clearly are rude and under developed socially |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I suppose it depends on what you are looking for.
If it's a shag once a week (or more frequently) with a different person each time then any messaging will be limited to where and when.
If it's more like you want to see someone less frequently but want a good time then finding a connection with one (or maybe two) people is probably important.
I enjoy a conversation and if it's one-sided and not flowing then it's probably not going to work out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I find the first message sets the tone of the conversation. I love a message that goes straight for the banter rather than being over complimentary. It's hard to show your true personality over text but the one's that make me giggle usually are the one's with the best conversation. can you form an initial opinion if it's a forumite
Yes I guess so, we can have an idea of a person by the way they interact in the forums. But sometimes you can find they are very different to their forum persona once chatting privately."
That's interesting, as I've had the opposite experience. When I've started chatting to someone from Forum I've found their style of conversation and humour is exactly the same and our private chats have been a natural extension of Forum exchanges. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"It's not dead mumbles. It's just rare.
I know I'm very good at conversation.
(Humble too)
Conversation isn't hard. You listen and reply. "
Is that how conversation works, thankyou for the lesson in communication that I missed in my early years. You are truly humble, selfless acts and constant thought of others beautiful just beautiful  |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I find the first message sets the tone of the conversation. I love a message that goes straight for the banter rather than being over complimentary. It's hard to show your true personality over text but the one's that make me giggle usually are the one's with the best conversation. can you form an initial opinion if it's a forumite
Yes I guess so, we can have an idea of a person by the way they interact in the forums. But sometimes you can find they are very different to their forum persona once chatting privately.
That's interesting, as I've had the opposite experience. When I've started chatting to someone from Forum I've found their style of conversation and humour is exactly the same and our private chats have been a natural extension of Forum exchanges."
Oh don't get me wrong, they can be the same person also. Just sometimes, I see a difference. When you see that consistency both on and off the forums, you can be more confident they are geniune. |
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I get enough conversation from my wife (too much!). On fab I just want a fine lady I can kiss deeply, bend her over, pull up her dress, pull her knickers aside and thrust inside her until I pull out and cream all over her face and boobs. Making sure she licks me clean.
Afterwards we can smoke a cigarette and chat shit about politics, religion or bake off if she likes.
People communicate in Different ways and if a girl can suck a dick well then I don’t care if we speak different languages as long as the language of filth is there! |
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I'm going to approach this from a different angle.
We only want to meet people we can have a conversation with. If somebody contacts us, they need to have something to say. If they say "How are you?" we'll say "Good thanks. How are you?" This sort of inane back and forth can go on until they lose interest or they start saying something vaguely interesting.
I (Luke) will intentionally not lead a conversation somebody else has started unless we are really bowled over by them. I will intentionally make the conversation one-sided to find out if we might be interested in them, and that will only be when they show us they have some banter. That's a rule we would expect people to apply to us too. We would never approach anybody if we don't have anything to say to them. |
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By *renzMan
over a year ago
Between Chichester and Havant |
I enjoy finding out about a person or couple before meeting for a social. That might be one or two messages or several. So conversation is important or flirting even. One leads to the other. But it does take two, at least to make a conversation. It's extremely difficult when all you have in reply is one word answers, which I have had several times. Not sure if it was because they found conversation hard work or they just weren't interested. After a few attempts, I have to give up. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s totally important to us. We require a social connection before we will swing. I know it’s not how everyone does it but that’s what works for us. Have to say though that some people just struggle chatting online but in person can be totally different. We were chatting to a couple 2 months ago and seemed hard work. But then when we actually met them, he was very outgoing and chatty although she was very shy. So I think socials are our way forward now as a first step |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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It's an interesting debate thats for sure but glad I'm not the only one who feels like this. Ultimately conversation is all we have at the moment, so as a lot of you have said.. if it doesn't flow now, it probably won't in person. |
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By *oyfun69Couple
over a year ago
Dublin |
OMG I’ve been struggling with that! Specially when it comes to couples.
I keep asking myself why do people want to join this website if they don’t want to make an effort to reply using more than one sentence right?
There’s nothing sexier than having a decent conversation with someone who you also find physically attractive. |
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