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How well do we know each other
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Following on from the other thread, this has been something that has been bouncing around in my head for a little while.
Us forumites, certainly regular posters, comment on, read each other’s views, jokes, opinions, rants and flirts on a daily basis but how well do we know people? Even with the best insight, it’s still only words on a screen, intended to elicit a response from others and possibly to meet others, even just socially.
So how well can we know others and how trusting can we be in regards to what anyone, even popular posters, say? I’ve personally heard several times about forumites getting caught in situations contrary to their ‘forum persona’, so it does have basis in reality.
I’ve often thought that fab creates cynicism in people but are we cynical enough and are we in danger from potentially sociopathic and narcissistic behaviours and how can we guard against that?
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I guess it's the same as any person you interact with in life, you can never really know if they are who they protray theirselves to be. All you can do is take people at face value and hope they are genuine. The one's that are not, usually show their true colours soon enough  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think I’d say I’m no different on fab to real life except I don’t get my tits out at work or in the street .... but I hope my personality comes across genuine ..... I think “fakes make mistakes” is something I think a lot xxxxx |
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By *a LunaWoman
over a year ago
South Wales |
I think we only see what a person wants (allows) us to see.
Some change personalities like some change coats. Others are pretty standard and never change.
Guarding against it? Just stay frosty. Keep on your toes. Let actions speak more than words.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't know someone just from words on a screen. Although I did once believe you could if you spent enough time chatting, fab and life has made me cynical.
I don't take anything anyone says on here to actually mean anything more than a comment on a forum post nowadays unless they are real life friends. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You can only go so far with words on a screen even with PMs. And people are more likely to be showing an aspect of themselves on here. To go further and get to know someone better you'd have to meet up at some point. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I use it to try to gage how genuine someone would be in meets etc as a large part on here give the big talk but wouldnt actually go ahead with a NSA meet ( pre or post covid!) |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"You don't know someone just from words on a screen. Although I did once believe you could if you spent enough time chatting, fab and life has made me cynical.
I don't take anything anyone says on here to actually mean anything more than a comment on a forum post nowadays unless they are real life friends. "
I’m learning this. I don’t do social media nor am I signed up to other sites. Chatting here has taught me openness and honesty are not really welcomed. Best to stay in the shadows because the sunlight can burn. Oh, I see you’re hiding here as well.  |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
I trust only the people in my friends list and the ones I pm an a regular basis. I have learned some people on here are full of it and try to just stay clear.
Sometimes I post silly comments but my main comments do reflect the person I am.
I try not to let people get to me and just move on if they show that they are not worth my time, let them play their games.
I know who I want to invest in.
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I know certain people on here that have messaged or PM me to check that I’m all right. Especially if I’ve had a bit of a discussion with someone who’s views I’ve found abhorrent. So I may have been a little more terse than I normal.
That’s been guys, girls, fellow TV’s and couples.
I have no doubt their sincerity is genuine on this site and outside of it, as well.
So the drinks are on me, when the clubs reopen |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
I can't believe I'm actually going to post this but I am... do we possibly, maybe sometimes, overthink the whole forumites thing? Who they are, how we perceive them etc? Most people are just that - people. Flawed. Irksome. Wonderful. Loveable.
I think you can know people as well as they let you to and as well as your biases allow you to. We all have them, whether we are aware of them or not. Words are just words on a screen - every poster on here has good and bad days. I don't think people are sociopathic or narcissistic on here - attention seeking? Sure. We all are to varying degrees. Dickish? Again - we all are but to varying degrees.
As far as trusting people go, be cautious and sensible sure. I'm not going to become cynical about them any time soon even though I have reasons enough to be so. I'm going to enjoy the forums for what they are and not think or read too much into it. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I guess it's the same as any person you interact with in life, you can never really know if they are who they protray theirselves to be. All you can do is take people at face value and hope they are genuine. The one's that are not, usually show their true colours soon enough "
I’d say that true colours often show after people are hurt, maybe not even then |
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I agree with Meli, maybe we do overthink it. Why not just enjoy it as being an internet forum. Yes I know there's sex involved but most of the people I interact with on the forum I may never get to meet. So enjoy it for what it is. A pleasant way to spend some time and vent or ponder occasionally. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't believe I'm actually going to post this but I am... do we possibly, maybe sometimes, overthink the whole forumites thing? Who they are, how we perceive them etc? Most people are just that - people. Flawed. Irksome. Wonderful. Loveable.
I think you can know people as well as they let you to and as well as your biases allow you to. We all have them, whether we are aware of them or not. Words are just words on a screen - every poster on here has good and bad days. I don't think people are sociopathic or narcissistic on here - attention seeking? Sure. We all are to varying degrees. Dickish? Again - we all are but to varying degrees.
As far as trusting people go, be cautious and sensible sure. I'm not going to become cynical about them any time soon even though I have reasons enough to be so. I'm going to enjoy the forums for what they are and not think or read too much into it."
I don't even know where to start with this  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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You don't really know anyone good or bad until you are in some sort of close personal face to face relationship with them.
You can catch a hint of a persons off-screen vibe on here though.
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I can't believe I'm actually going to post this but I am... do we possibly, maybe sometimes, overthink the whole forumites thing?"
Probably. Overthinking can be down to frame of mind at any particular moment. Some days it's all fun and frolics and others it's all suspicion and overthinking motives. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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An open ended question as to how well we truly know somebody, on the forums ppl display a persona they want us all to see, well I can't talk for others I know I do...
So I have to bear in mind that if I do that then possibly others do, its not to till I engage on a deeper level do I start to learn properly about somebody, seeing a deeper side possibly, if there willing to share that with me.
Even then somebody I really know well, can surprise and think do I really know you at all, I would never have expected that from you.....
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you can get a sense of someone from what they post on here, and at the very least you get a good view of how they treat others. But to really know someone well I feel like you have to meet them and spend time with them physically. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am exactly the same in real life as I am on fab. I have nothing to hide. Even been asked about my ‘hotwife’ clothing. I am very fortunate that it doesn’t matter in my professional, social or personal life.
Don’t see how having a ‘persona’ on here that is different or acts as a privacy screen has anything to do with being ‘narcissistic’ or ‘sociopathic’ though. x |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I am exactly the same in real life as I am on fab. I have nothing to hide. Even been asked about my ‘hotwife’ clothing. I am very fortunate that it doesn’t matter in my professional, social or personal life.
Don’t see how having a ‘persona’ on here that is different or acts as a privacy screen has anything to do with being ‘narcissistic’ or ‘sociopathic’ though. x"
Having a persona isn’t the same thing as narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies, however masks are used by both |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Following on from the other thread, this has been something that has been bouncing around in my head for a little while.
Us forumites, certainly regular posters, comment on, read each other’s views, jokes, opinions, rants and flirts on a daily basis but how well do we know people? Even with the best insight, it’s still only words on a screen, intended to elicit a response from others and possibly to meet others, even just socially.
So how well can we know others and how trusting can we be in regards to what anyone, even popular posters, say? I’ve personally heard several times about forumites getting caught in situations contrary to their ‘forum persona’, so it does have basis in reality.
I’ve often thought that fab creates cynicism in people but are we cynical enough and are we in danger from potentially sociopathic and narcissistic behaviours and how can we guard against that?
"
I don’t trust a single thing in this forum to be true. It’s only when you talk to someone personally I start to buy into what they say.
However, some people’s personalities are easy to read, and you quickly become cynical of them, the same way I assume others will with myself.
Regular posters are easier to read into and weigh up, the they post a lot, which means you have a wider view of them. Which helps out the ones you don’t want to meet, even socially, or highlights the friendly people we would want to speak to more.
But cynical? No, just weary of strangers.  |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
"I'm going to enjoy the forums for what they are and not think or read too much into it.
I don't even know where to start with this "
You must be speechless with pride Estragon. I've realised, in part thanks to your wisdom Old Mentor, how much I waste on overthinking, not enjoying things for what they are.
It's futile reading too much into things so why not stop doing that? We don't know motives, we don't know reasons. We ascribe them, give people labels to match our preconceptions so we can justify our feelings towards them.
The forums are meant to be fun and analysing the minutiae makes it less so. And this is me saying as part of my new chapter in my life I'm going to stop doing so - I will enjoy them for the absurd, flirty, caring place they are. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I think you can get a sense of someone on the forums a little. A little more in chat, but better face to face, but more so over time in more varied circumstances. But let's be honest anyone is going to be on their best behaviour given the nature of why we are all here.
You never truly know someone even in a close relationship, there are way too many factors in life for that. How they mature and change throughout life, things that life can throw at them etc. They say you often see people's true colours when something bad or big happens. But do we really? Would those things have ever shown if it had never happened? True colours are often referred to as the bad side side of someone. Why aren't the true colours what they are like most of the time and the bad side more of an exception? Do we judge people on how bad they can be rather than how good they can be most of the time? Anyone is capable of anything given the set of circumstances. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I'm going to enjoy the forums for what they are and not think or read too much into it.
I don't even know where to start with this
You must be speechless with pride Estragon. I've realised, in part thanks to your wisdom Old Mentor, how much I waste on overthinking, not enjoying things for what they are.
It's futile reading too much into things so why not stop doing that? We don't know motives, we don't know reasons. We ascribe them, give people labels to match our preconceptions so we can justify our feelings towards them.
The forums are meant to be fun and analysing the minutiae makes it less so. And this is me saying as part of my new chapter in my life I'm going to stop doing so - I will enjoy them for the absurd, flirty, caring place they are."
Welcome Meli. Come in - make yourself at home. It's a brave new world and I'm delighted you're here to embrace it x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I've met a fair few Forumites so they know what I'm like. If I wasn't true to myself here, I think I would have been called out after 6 years here? In all honesty though, nobody here has wanted to get to know "me", the person behind the Avatar other than meeting for sex. I obviously chat privately to people but it's general chat. I'm not interested in anything other than that really! I have my none Fab friends for that. I definitely know the rotters that have been in the Forums and I'm always glad to see them leave or get chucked out. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I take most things on the forums and everyday life for that matter at face value.
Am I more invested in some people on here than others, yes absolutely and I believe iv built up some very real and genuine friendships.
There are others iv never or hardly interacted with who I like and appreciate.
I'm the same on here as in person, yes I sometimes "play to the audience" but everything I say is real and heartfelt.
I assume everyone is who they portray themselves to be unless I'm given a reason not to.
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We don't, we know each other as far as the other person is willing to let us know, socials will change relationships again as more us actually meet in person and opinions will be changed over and over depending on how much alcohol is consumed |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am exactly the same in real life as I am on fab. I have nothing to hide. Even been asked about my ‘hotwife’ clothing. I am very fortunate that it doesn’t matter in my professional, social or personal life.
Don’t see how having a ‘persona’ on here that is different or acts as a privacy screen has anything to do with being ‘narcissistic’ or ‘sociopathic’ though. x
Having a persona isn’t the same thing as narcissistic or sociopathic tendencies, however masks are used by both"
Masks are also used by clowns, welders, hockey players and just about everyone at the moment. I don’t see the relevance of the arbitrary bit about sociopaths and narcissists x |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've met a fair few Forumites so they know what I'm like. If I wasn't true to myself here, I think I would have been called out after 6 years here? In all honesty though, nobody here has wanted to get to know "me", the person behind the Avatar other than meeting for sex. I obviously chat privately to people but it's general chat. I'm not interested in anything other than that really! I have my none Fab friends for that. I definitely know the rotters that have been in the Forums and I'm always glad to see them leave or get chucked out. "
Have to say you have amazing boobs. Love to suck hard on those nips in the future   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’m me, I am the same here as I am in real life.
There are those who think they know me, and there are those who actually know me.
I like to think I’ve honed my bullshitometer over the last two years, and that I’m pretty good at reading people.
That said, I think it is a lot harder to get a feel for people via a forum, than in real life. |
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By *ea monkey OP Man
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
"I'm going to enjoy the forums for what they are and not think or read too much into it.
I don't even know where to start with this
You must be speechless with pride Estragon. I've realised, in part thanks to your wisdom Old Mentor, how much I waste on overthinking, not enjoying things for what they are.
It's futile reading too much into things so why not stop doing that? We don't know motives, we don't know reasons. We ascribe them, give people labels to match our preconceptions so we can justify our feelings towards them.
The forums are meant to be fun and analysing the minutiae makes it less so. And this is me saying as part of my new chapter in my life I'm going to stop doing so - I will enjoy them for the absurd, flirty, caring place they are."
The phrase ‘it’s meant to be fun’ is rather problematic to my mind as it seems a little dismissive if it’s not.
Lots of things are meant to be fun but can often not be, sex is meant to be fun but might not be |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
There are some people whom I would also spend time with, not in a sexual way but, exploring other pasrt of my person with such as my spirituality.
I was just reminded by a post by a person on the same path as me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"We don't, we know each other as far as the other person is willing to let us know, socials will change relationships again as more us actually meet in person and opinions will be changed over and over depending on how much alcohol is consumed "
Yorite luv  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Not everyone is the perfect cuppa tea. I certainly have been villified multiple times. In the end run it's a person's personal choice to like or dislike another person. We all have our own life perceptions. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
In my opinion you cannot formulate a complete opinion based on words alone, you need to be able to judge their actions.
However, their words will influence your initial impression of that person, and may lead to you wanting to get to know them better or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"In my opinion you cannot formulate a complete opinion based on words alone, you need to be able to judge their actions.
However, their words will influence your initial impression of that person, and may lead to you wanting to get to know them better or not."
Exactly this |
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"I'm going to enjoy the forums for what they are and not think or read too much into it.
I don't even know where to start with this
You must be speechless with pride Estragon. I've realised, in part thanks to your wisdom Old Mentor, how much I waste on overthinking, not enjoying things for what they are.
It's futile reading too much into things so why not stop doing that? We don't know motives, we don't know reasons. We ascribe them, give people labels to match our preconceptions so we can justify our feelings towards them.
The forums are meant to be fun and analysing the minutiae makes it less so. And this is me saying as part of my new chapter in my life I'm going to stop doing so - I will enjoy them for the absurd, flirty, caring place they are.
The phrase ‘it’s meant to be fun’ is rather problematic to my mind as it seems a little dismissive if it’s not.
Lots of things are meant to be fun but can often not be, sex is meant to be fun but might not be"
It's not a phrase I like. Because yes, it is, but you need to be living on a different planet if anyone thinks they ain't talked out behind their back, or had someone creating aggro, or upset someone etc. We are human and along with that comes emotion, and if it isn't our own driving some of the bad bits it's other peoples towards us or around our behaviour. To enjoy it all would mean not letting lies, shitty behaviour etc bother us, not letting the upset, trials and tribulations of our friends bother us... and that is a very conflicting concept. |
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I think your post OP is rather unusual as you state “ I’ve personally heard several times about forumites getting caught in situations contrary to their ‘forum persona’, so it does have basis in reality.”
What made you believe the person telling you that over the person they were talking about? How is one opinion or story a reality?
The one thing I know is this, I have met, probably 30 or 50 people from the forums over the years, sometimes things didn’t go the way they wanted or I was not reverent enough to their opinion of themselves, as such I was “punished” by idle gossip.
I no longer meet people from the forums because of this |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"OP, this sounds like "I know something you don't know!" to me.
It has dark overtones and I think its quite unpleasant."
Strange thing to say.
It's an open secret that swingers are humans. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Unless I meet in person, I don't know them at all ... it's about so much more than words. "
Exactly.
I haven't met the majority of the forum and wouldn't presume to know any of you. |
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"Unless I meet in person, I don't know them at all ... it's about so much more than words.
Exactly.
I haven't met the majority of the forum and wouldn't presume to know any of you."
Oh come on Popster, you know I'm a teeny tiny bit odd so you ain't totally clueless |
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