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Do women change the man in a relationship?
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Mrs. | |||
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"Hopefully you grow and develop together. Sometimes you grow apart."  | |||
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"Maybe but that goes both ways. In my last relationship the man changed me. I went from a confident outgoing person with a great sense of self to an introverted shadow who spent most of her time apologising for being so worthless. No I’m out of that relationship I’m back to my old self. " Agreed! Hugs x | |||
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"If the man wants to be changed that's on him" Ooof, straight for the kill.
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"I don't think it's about changing, anyone who tries to change their partner shouldn't be with them in the first place. It's more about learning to compromise, communicate and grow together which in itself is change "Agreed with this. I don't think it should be exclusive to either party in the relationship - we all learn, grow and change, in a successful relationship it's for the better. | |||
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"We are all full of personality holes and spikes. Each personality trait we have or reaction to a trigger is a spike or hole so we have hundreds of them. Sometimes the hole we have is filled by someone else's spike and everything is fine there. For example a personality spike for me is I need to be in control. But my wife is happiest when she feels someone is in control of certain things so that was a positive for us when we met. If I had met someone else who needed to be in control then I would have been in trouble. The bigger the relationship the more spikes and holes we reveal to each other. So for a one night stand you might just reveal 1% of your personality but a co worker will see more, a partner even more again. And no one is 100% a match. But what happens is over time we compromise with our friends and partners. Spikes get smaller, deficits get filled in. My wife didn't change me. She gave me standards I needed to meet. And some of them I did. And sometimes she had to realise that I was never going to meet her standards and she adapted. And the reverse was true for her. We grew into each other. No one is changed by other people. We change ourselves. " Do you study at Harvard?
(A joke - Not sarcastic). This is actually well explained, and something I can relate to. | |||
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"I think both sides adjust to some degree, how much will vary from couple to couple, to best fit together for happiness xx" Yes. I think so too as both needs to adjust when living together x | |||
"I think relationships change us all. As do all experiences in life. If you're deliberately trying to change who someone fundamentally is as a person or change their life in ways they don't want or they were happy with before then you're with the wrong person though. " Yes. I also think that relationships changes everyone | |||
 Px | |||
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"I have heard this quiete alot, how true would you say it was and in what way might it be? "No Shag. It is not true. It is a VERY clumsy saying. It's a saying full of blame and negativity although whether 'he' is supposed to be changed for the better or for the worse isn't made clear. This clumsy way of vocalising observations attempts to attribute all change in male behaviour to women as if the male is just an inanimate , unthinking, incapable, brainless being in all that goes on around him and that he has change THRUST upon him by women. Life changes people. People change. Relationships bring joy and stress from and to both genders. More than relationships bringing change RESPONSIBILITY brings change, or should. I have seen many relationships where one partner thinks that they can carry on being single and free and live like a student. To be fair, why not? That's a relationship I'd like at my time of life. Company and fun without commitment , stress or having to consider , too much, the needs of another. Youngsters are generally different. They have dreams, ideals and biology clocks. If they commit to each other and want home and family then they BOTH have to change. That should be decided before they commit to playing house. You can't put the dolls to bed or put on a cardboard box extension. Money is real. Bills are real . Kids are real. Couples should go for it 100% or don't do it. Romance has a lot to answer for. No Shag....... people change. Stop trying to make it a gender issue. Come to think of gender......... What happens in lesbian relationships, Gay relationships ? Poly relationships ??? The statement/questions supposes the world is a one man one woman kind of place and that women should know their place and the man can carry on being a boy .... No. Who ever says it to you Shag seems somewhat narrow minded and not very worldly. | |||
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"In my experience every partner I have ever had has tried to change me !! unfortunately trying to change the very things they loved about with me, my confidence, friendly likeable nature, my love for life, my passion, my spontaneity, my popularity, slowly started to become a threat to them & for no reason at all quickly turned into jealousy. I tried to stop them from feeling that way that eventually they turned a free spirit who was always loyal without question into a caged animal that becomes sad a boring ! Never again will I let anyone try to change me or will I put their happiness before myself. A true relationship should be build on trust person development of each other as well as individually. " How did they go about trying to change you? | |||
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"I have heard this quiete alot, how true would you say it was and in what way might it be? "I used to hear it. I think it stems from the belief (that many still hold) that men are always reluctant to settle down and women have to trap them then make them change somehow curtailing their activities. It used to be commonly held that men were giving up their freedom while women were gaining security. If it ever was true it isn't any longer. | |||
Asking a guy to fundamentally change who and what he is, is in my world not only a bit unfair but also unrealistic of giving you the desired outcome. And, one must wonder why you chose to be with that guy in the first place.
All of the above applies to women, of course | |||
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"Maybe but that goes both ways. In my last relationship the man changed me. I went from a confident outgoing person with a great sense of self to an introverted shadow who spent most of her time apologising for being so worthless. No I’m out of that relationship I’m back to my old self. " Yes, it also goes both ways | |||
"I don't get it, from both sides. Why change something/someone which you liked/loved in the first place x" If you try to change someone this is coercive control, if you grow and learn from another person this is personal growth. If you can't evolve then you simply are not learning and out of that is born ignorance. Even if you experience live as a single you should alsways aspire to want to improve yourself, mentaly and spiritualy. | |||
"It’s such a binary, naive, simplistic, sweeping statement that has undercurrents of misogyny, that doesn’t take into account how complex and nuanced people are, so no it’s not true. But I’m guessing you knew that." Crikey... I concur 
I need to go for a lie down now | |||
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"Why do relationships end? Sometimes it's because the spark is gone. And sometimes it's because you don't like them now. When you have new relationship energy you can overlook a lot of problems you have with a person. When that energy is gone is when most relationships end because the juice isn't worth the squeeze anymore. Keeping it fab forum appropriate, his cum stinks and he expects her to swallow it. She really likes him. He is what she needs. He really cares for her and her personality is electric. She can't take the cum stink anymore. So they talk. Both have a choice to make. If he doesn't back down over his desire she will probably end up leaving. So what does he do? Make a small change or let her walk away. What does she do? Give him another few weeks? Or do they figure out a compromise? He can paint her tits with it but he needs to stop eating sprouts and start eating pineapple. Both make changes and are changed but the relationship keeps evolving " And there we have it!  | |||
"We are all full of personality holes and spikes. Each personality trait we have or reaction to a trigger is a spike or hole so we have hundreds of them. Sometimes the hole we have is filled by someone else's spike and everything is fine there. For example a personality spike for me is I need to be in control. But my wife is happiest when she feels someone is in control of certain things so that was a positive for us when we met. If I had met someone else who needed to be in control then I would have been in trouble. The bigger the relationship the more spikes and holes we reveal to each other. So for a one night stand you might just reveal 1% of your personality but a co worker will see more, a partner even more again. And no one is 100% a match. But what happens is over time we compromise with our friends and partners. Spikes get smaller, deficits get filled in. My wife didn't change me. She gave me standards I needed to meet. And some of them I did. And sometimes she had to realise that I was never going to meet her standards and she adapted. And the reverse was true for her. We grew into each other. No one is changed by other people. We change ourselves. Do you study at Harvard?
(A joke - Not sarcastic). This is actually well explained, and something I can relate to. "Thanks woody. I'm a crap lay but I'm great at relationships I'm trying with the idea of becoming a therapist | |||
"Here’s hoping that no woman ever tames you Shag as you wild devil may care side must always be free to express itself. Personally I think if you love some body you change to fit better with that person but as an Aspie I change every day to deal with whatever life throws my way.!!!! T" Ty and yes. I am enjoy the single life at the moment, you are right there too as you change to get on with someone as well | |||
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"We've both changed a lot since we met 40 years ago. I think it would be very unusual if we didn't. We've changed each other for sure, not deliberately but just by living together, adapting to each other and growing. Fundamentally we are the same people though" Agree ...if your a proper pair you may alter over time but always be on the same hymn sheet | |||
"People have relationships to change their situation from discontentment to personal fulfilment. We are social animals that need people. Both people are changed for the better entering an intimate relationship. If not, we know what happens..." I wouldn't contemplate entering a relationship if I was generally discontent in life | |||
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"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” " Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there | |||
"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there "How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression | |||
"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there
How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression "Move in* not sure where the mice come into it | |||
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"It’s such a binary, naive, simplistic, sweeping statement that has undercurrents of misogyny, that doesn’t take into account how complex and nuanced people are, so no it’s not true. But I’m guessing you knew that. Crikey... I concur
I need to go for a lie down now"There must be a glitch in the matrix | |||
"It’s such a binary, naive, simplistic, sweeping statement that has undercurrents of misogyny, that doesn’t take into account how complex and nuanced people are, so no it’s not true. But I’m guessing you knew that. Crikey... I concur
I need to go for a lie down now
There must be a glitch in the matrix " | |||
"I have heard this quiete alot, how true would you say it was and in what way might it be? "He'll yeah The female of the species is a blood sucking life crushing entity. We ALL know the saying for a man There's 3 rings in a marriage The engagement ring The wedding ring And the suffer ring
I'm joking ladies .
I'm still the terrified wimp I was when I married the goddess.  | |||
"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there
How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression "You are right there too, as one might not beable to do as much of the thing they like, like sports and any kind of interest really as they have be more considerate when being in a relationship to the other person | |||
"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there
How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression "When I have seen this being an issue is for example is my sister. Yeah she was supportive of his sport until they had children. Then her being unable to go away for a weekend with her mates or even family weekends away were impossible. Kids birthday parties arranged around home and away fixtures. It wasn't the woman who changed him or expected him to it was the fact they had a family. | |||
"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there
How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression
When I have seen this being an issue is for example is my sister. Yeah she was supportive of his sport until they had children. Then her being unable to go away for a weekend with her mates or even family weekends away were impossible. Kids birthday parties arranged around home and away fixtures. It wasn't the woman who changed him or expected him to it was the fact they had a family. "Oh, sorry, I meant in a definitive pre-kids situation! But tbf if you marry a sports person then you know what to expect honestly and most professional/elite sports people that get married/have kids have the most amazing relationships/family life around it! | |||
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"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there
How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression
When I have seen this being an issue is for example is my sister. Yeah she was supportive of his sport until they had children. Then her being unable to go away for a weekend with her mates or even family weekends away were impossible. Kids birthday parties arranged around home and away fixtures. It wasn't the woman who changed him or expected him to it was the fact they had a family.
Oh, sorry, I meant in a definitive pre-kids situation! But tbf if you marry a sports person then you know what to expect honestly and most professional/elite sports people that get married/have kids have the most amazing relationships/family life around it! "Ah I thought you meant playing for your local team. Professional ones totally different, I have to travel for work as did my ex, we had to before we had kids and had to work around it. Guess it depends if it's work or a hobby. | |||
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"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there
How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression
When I have seen this being an issue is for example is my sister. Yeah she was supportive of his sport until they had children. Then her being unable to go away for a weekend with her mates or even family weekends away were impossible. Kids birthday parties arranged around home and away fixtures. It wasn't the woman who changed him or expected him to it was the fact they had a family.
Oh, sorry, I meant in a definitive pre-kids situation! But tbf if you marry a sports person then you know what to expect honestly and most professional/elite sports people that get married/have kids have the most amazing relationships/family life around it!
Ah I thought you meant playing for your local team. Professional ones totally different, I have to travel for work as did my ex, we had to before we had kids and had to work around it. Guess it depends if it's work or a hobby. "Even if playing, say rugby, every Saturday for 8 months of the year, you choose to marry that guy, then pre kids he gives it up - not because he wants to just because his partner makes it awful if he doesn't, then that is selfish! Like women that marry a guy in the forces (say when there are no conflicts to fight) then he has to leave because his life is made a misery then that is selfish! It happens all the time unfortunately so in my life experiences yes, lots of women marry and make the guys change with no formal discussion and, personally, I find that selfish! And it's not uncommon at all which is why there are sayings and jokes about it! It can be sport, gym, hobbies, forces etc And don't know about you, but we women are good at manipulation
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Seriously though, it’s natural to grow and change together, hopefully it will mean the relationship never becomes stale and predictable.
Lou x | |||
"Omfg ... absolutely! I work in a totally male environment and what my sister and sister-in-law are like!!! The old adage is so very true; Albert Einstein reportedly said, “Women marry men hoping they will change, and men marry women hoping they will not. So each is inevitably disappointed.” Yes. I also like that saying from einstein there
How I've always seen as it isn't about actually changing the person but when people are dating the lady will go and watch them do sport, support them etc then they get married/mice ins, the lady stops ... a little further in they start giving them quiet grief about their sport to the point that the man gives up his hobbies altogether to stop the hassle! Therefore she's surreptitiously changed him whereas he's changed for a quieter life! Unfortunately it can end badly with unhappiness and depression
When I have seen this being an issue is for example is my sister. Yeah she was supportive of his sport until they had children. Then her being unable to go away for a weekend with her mates or even family weekends away were impossible. Kids birthday parties arranged around home and away fixtures. It wasn't the woman who changed him or expected him to it was the fact they had a family.
Oh, sorry, I meant in a definitive pre-kids situation! But tbf if you marry a sports person then you know what to expect honestly and most professional/elite sports people that get married/have kids have the most amazing relationships/family life around it!
Ah I thought you meant playing for your local team. Professional ones totally different, I have to travel for work as did my ex, we had to before we had kids and had to work around it. Guess it depends if it's work or a hobby.
Even if playing, say rugby, every Saturday for 8 months of the year, you choose to marry that guy, then pre kids he gives it up - not because he wants to just because his partner makes it awful if he doesn't, then that is selfish! Like women that marry a guy in the forces (say when there are no conflicts to fight) then he has to leave because his life is made a misery then that is selfish! It happens all the time unfortunately so in my life experiences yes, lots of women marry and make the guys change with no formal discussion and, personally, I find that selfish! And it's not uncommon at all which is why there are sayings and jokes about it! It can be sport, gym, hobbies, forces etc
And don't know about you, but we women are good at manipulation
"Haha I must be a weirdo I'm always telling M to go out with his mates. But I think once people have kids compromises need to be made on both sides with regards to their social lives. | |||
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"In my experience every partner I have ever had has tried to change me !! unfortunately trying to change the very things they loved about with me, my confidence, friendly likeable nature, my love for life, my passion, my spontaneity, my popularity, slowly started to become a threat to them & for no reason at all quickly turned into jealousy. I tried to stop them from feeling that way that eventually they turned a free spirit who was always loyal without question into a caged animal that becomes sad a boring ! Never again will I let anyone try to change me or will I put their happiness before myself. A true relationship should be build on trust person development of each other as well as individually. How did they go about trying to change you?" It’s a funny thing each one of them said in the beginning all they want was to feel like they are loved, looked after, by someone who doesn’t want to control them, who’s honest, supportive, loyal, respectful. The one thing they all had in common was they all came from very controlling relationships, some had extremely jealous controlling ex, others had violent partners through drinking, gambling that where disrespectful & gave them no commitment. My last partner was the worst, she came from a very abusive, destructive childhood that every partner she met previously either cheated on her, let her down or took from her. I took me a little while to realise they all played the victim it started of great at first everything you ever wanted in a relationship & you carnt believe anyone could be like that to someone,!and all you want to do is show them they not everyone is the same & you want to make them happy, but it’s never enough the more you try the worse they got but this happens really slowly to the point you don’t notice it at first as all you want is for them to be happy ! Then they start telling me I was just like all the test I would let them down or cheat on them making me try even harder ! Before I new it they started talking control using either guilt, manipulation, or emotional abuse. Then I read up on narcissist behaviour & gas lighting personality traits are never heard off, & it was my fault s that for some reason because I have a caring nature i was drawn to them like a moth to a flame ! Now that I see the signs I’m more cautious. After talking to their previous partners them explained they all went through the same thing ! But they make everyone feel sorry for them not just partners friends work colleague! The sad part is they don’t realise they are doing it ! But for the victim it’s not just psychologically damaging it can also be physically damaging ! Because while they are playing the victim to anyone who will listen, telling lies about everyone but mostly about their partner to get constant sympathy from friends family, that they come across so convincing as they look so innocent & vulnerable, telling these people don’t say anything else it will make things worse, no one says anything to you, but All of a sudden friends behaviour starts to change towards you, they start saying random things that doesn’t make sense, blaming you for not doing this or that to your partner & when you bring it up with your partner saying what are they talking about they say there just d*unk or misunderstood that all the while your are non the wiser. Your loosing friends, your employer starts having issues & when you become aware it’s your partner turning everyone against you it’s too late & when they have caused so much damage to you & you know it them, that you still Can’t believe what you’re hearing telling yourself it just can’t be true, why would the person that just wants to be loved and your the one giving everything, they are trying o destroy you from within, you just can’t comprehend it that when you are so stressed out loosing everything and everyone around you they are totally isolating you when you finally onfront them, they want to leave blaming everything on you it doesn’t just destroy your faith In people and any hope of ever trusting anyone again. It Changes you as a person, can be damaging to your reputation or worse still destroy you financially. Thank god this only happened to me the once ! | |||
"I have heard this quiete alot, how true would you say it was and in what way might it be? "It's what they do, Hence why I choose to be single. I don't need another mother | |||
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