Actually used Google for answers haha
1 condom curling
Competitors must slide a wrapped condom across their bedroom floor and whoever goes the furthest wins. Judges award points for technique, form, and style.
2 Laying the Halfpipe
Competitors must perform an ambitious sex routine that moves from the bed to a chair to the floor and back again — much like the ups and downs of the halfpipe. Judges look for height (if competitors can adeptly move from a bed with several box springs underneath), difficulty of the positions attempted, and variety of the positions.
3 Figure Mating
Competitors must execute a routine that involves ambitious positions, technical mastery, and style. Judges score based on costumes, score, and ambition of the position. Just like in figure skating, failing at an ambitious position is still scored better than perfectly executing a small stunt. No one wants to be a pro at missionary.
4 Cunnlingus Choreography
But how is this different from Figure Mating?, you might wonder. Cunni Choreo (as the experts call it) is like the ice dancing of the Sex-Olympics. While ice dancing is similar to figure skating in that they both take place on the ice, ice dancing is the hyper-precise cousin of figure skating. In Figure Mating, you're focused more on ambitious positions, but in this event, the points are awarded for artistry. Gone are the days of "Draw the alphabet with your tongue." In this event, judges award points based on creativity, teamwork (using verbal and non-verbal clues to communicate to one another what they like or don't like about what their partner is doing), and landing (orgasm). Competitors with a fancy routine who don't manage to stick their landing and bring their partner to orgasm are automatically disqualified.
5 Bobspread 'Em
This take on the classic four-person bobsled event pits you and three of your favorite sex toys against your partner and three of their favorite sex toys. You and your partner are each team captains of a rival Bobsled team, and you each have three sex toys for your team members. You must use each toy for the duration of a song of both your choosing, for a total of three songs total. Whoever can time their orgasm to the climax of the third and final song wins. Judges grant points based on choreography, timing, and teamwork (aka the order of which toy you chose to use and when.)
6 Freestyle Peeing
Post-coitus, competitors must race one another to the bathroom to pee first. Points are deducted for UTIs because those are never any fun. Judges award points based on technical precision (The International Sex-Olympics Committee rules that seats and lids must be placed down after urinating which always trips up competitors,) and creativity.
7 Fifty Shades of Luge
Competitors must stay perfectly still in the luge position while their partners use a vibrator or blowjob sleeve on them. Move out of position, and it's an automatic disqualification. |
Bella.
