FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Topping from the bottom.
Topping from the bottom.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom? "
It's very much what it sounds like, if a sub is giving you a list of "do this, like that, then I want this, using that" etc etc that's topping from the bottom.
It can be a good way to introduce someone that's new to being in the "top" role etc etc
It's also very open to interpretation, so what one person might considered helpful because they are learning, might annoy a more experienced person.
Hope that helps? |
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I've been accused of it a few times. I don't realise I'm doing it and in a kink situation what follows can be fun! 
I think I caught myself doing it at work the other day with a new boss, leading her to quicken simple decisions that she was taking her time over! Can you too from the bottom in real life? |
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"I've been accused of it a few times. I don't realise I'm doing it and in a kink situation what follows can be fun!
I think I caught myself doing it at work the other day with a new boss, leading her to quicken simple decisions that she was taking her time over! Can you too from the bottom in real life?"
*top |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I've been accused of it a few times. I don't realise I'm doing it and in a kink situation what follows can be fun!
I think I caught myself doing it at work the other day with a new boss, leading her to quicken simple decisions that she was taking her time over! Can you too from the bottom in real life?"
Depends on how you want to assign the roles, in real life if you feel you're the bottom in a situation and want the person (in this case taking a top role) a shove, then yes!
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So if you were having sex, you're on top and you place the guys hands on your boobs to signal you want boob/nipple play is that topping from the bottom..... I mean technically you're on top. Humour me!
Posted this thread for others to see the responses as it's come up a few times lately. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom?
It's very much what it sounds like, if a sub is giving you a list of "do this, like that, then I want this, using that" etc etc that's topping from the bottom.
It can be a good way to introduce someone that's new to being in the "top" role etc etc
It's also very open to interpretation, so what one person might considered helpful because they are learning, might annoy a more experienced person.
Hope that helps?"
I've been accused of this for just pointing out what I like but people aren't mind readers so surely if you don't say they won't know? Some tops/Doms can get really arsey about it. |
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It's when someone wants to be in complete control of a scene when claiming they're submitting. It often comes about through confusion about what submission actually is and people believing that enjoying certain acts makes them submissive when this isn't true. So someone might enjoy masochism or pegging or bondage and assume that makes them submissive but then when they want to be in total control of the situation, it can be frustrating for a Dominant partner.
For the record, there's nothing actually wrong with wanting to have complete control when being on the receiving end of these activities, it just isn't submission so they need to find better words negotiate what they want in order to find more compatible partners.
In my experience, a lot of men who call themselves submissive fall into this box. They approach Dominant/Switch women with a whole, prescripted version of exactly what they want with no room for the woman to have any input. We're just there to fill a role in a fantasy they've already created. I'm sure there's people out there who would enjoy that situation but personally it wouldn't scratch any itches for me. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if you were having sex, you're on top and you place the guys hands on your boobs to signal you want boob/nipple play is that topping from the bottom..... I mean technically you're on top. Humour me!
Posted this thread for others to see the responses as it's come up a few times lately. "
Kind of, I don’t think something as small as that would be topping from the bottom for me but if it was something more like engineering the situation themselves or asking to be topped in a particular way |
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"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom?
It's very much what it sounds like, if a sub is giving you a list of "do this, like that, then I want this, using that" etc etc that's topping from the bottom.
It can be a good way to introduce someone that's new to being in the "top" role etc etc
It's also very open to interpretation, so what one person might considered helpful because they are learning, might annoy a more experienced person.
Hope that helps?
I've been accused of this for just pointing out what I like but people aren't mind readers so surely if you don't say they won't know? Some tops/Doms can get really arsey about it. "
That's silly. When I'm in thqt role I want to know the things they like. It's useful information. I can give or withhold such things for effect  . |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom?
It's very much what it sounds like, if a sub is giving you a list of "do this, like that, then I want this, using that" etc etc that's topping from the bottom.
It can be a good way to introduce someone that's new to being in the "top" role etc etc
It's also very open to interpretation, so what one person might considered helpful because they are learning, might annoy a more experienced person.
Hope that helps?"
It can also be mistakingly confused with being a brat by some, but in effect as said above it is where the bottom leads on what happens to them instead of it being the tops decision.
More often than not its so the bottom ensures they get what they want, instead of it being educational.
Think of where you may get a DM asking you to beat, hit, whip, abuse, use, torment a sub... but at no point have they expressed what it is that they bring to the table and what you as the top get out of it (i.e.: you are treated as a fetish dispenser).
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both? "
It’s certainly a behaviour you’d see in a brat, but I don’t think you have to be a brat to do that
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if you were having sex, you're on top and you place the guys hands on your boobs to signal you want boob/nipple play is that topping from the bottom..... I mean technically you're on top. Humour me!
Posted this thread for others to see the responses as it's come up a few times lately. "
Are the people involved in a power dynamic?
It could be seen that way, but unless people are familiar with the Top/bottom roles etc I'm knot sure they would see it as such |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom?
It's very much what it sounds like, if a sub is giving you a list of "do this, like that, then I want this, using that" etc etc that's topping from the bottom.
It can be a good way to introduce someone that's new to being in the "top" role etc etc
It's also very open to interpretation, so what one person might considered helpful because they are learning, might annoy a more experienced person.
Hope that helps?
I've been accused of this for just pointing out what I like but people aren't mind readers so surely if you don't say they won't know? Some tops/Doms can get really arsey about it.
That's silly. When I'm in thqt role I want to know the things they like. It's useful information. I can give or withhold such things for effect . "
Exactly! |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both? "
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
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"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure. "
Entirely depends on their reasons for not doing as they're told. If they're being asked to do something that's a hard limit, if they can offer a good reason for why it would be a bad idea for them to do something they've been asked, etc. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom?
It's very much what it sounds like, if a sub is giving you a list of "do this, like that, then I want this, using that" etc etc that's topping from the bottom.
It can be a good way to introduce someone that's new to being in the "top" role etc etc
It's also very open to interpretation, so what one person might considered helpful because they are learning, might annoy a more experienced person.
Hope that helps?
I've been accused of this for just pointing out what I like but people aren't mind readers so surely if you don't say they won't know? Some tops/Doms can get really arsey about it. "
Sounds like someone (their) ego was getting a little dented |
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"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
"
Punishment is no spanking for a week |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure. "
There is no one true way, so what one Dom may call a brat others wouldn’t.
In my opinion that would just be a disobedient submissive.
Being bratty for me has an air of cheekiness about them, how they respond and act. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's when someone wants to be in complete control of a scene when claiming they're submitting. It often comes about through confusion about what submission actually is and people believing that enjoying certain acts makes them submissive when this isn't true. So someone might enjoy masochism or pegging or bondage and assume that makes them submissive but then when they want to be in total control of the situation, it can be frustrating for a Dominant partner.
For the record, there's nothing actually wrong with wanting to have complete control when being on the receiving end of these activities, it just isn't submission so they need to find better words negotiate what they want in order to find more compatible partners.
In my experience, a lot of men who call themselves submissive fall into this box. They approach Dominant/Switch women with a whole, prescripted version of exactly what they want with no room for the woman to have any input. We're just there to fill a role in a fantasy they've already created. I'm sure there's people out there who would enjoy that situation but personally it wouldn't scratch any itches for me. "
Far better explanation than mine  |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure.
Entirely depends on their reasons for not doing as they're told. If they're being asked to do something that's a hard limit, if they can offer a good reason for why it would be a bad idea for them to do something they've been asked, etc."
And yes, saying no due to limits, medical/health triggers or because they have determined you are not safe are valid reasons and do not make you a brat or disobedient. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure. "
It would kind of depend on how they didn't do it and what their motivation was!
If I set someone a task and they didn't complete it, I'd want to know why! Did I set something too hard for them to complete, I'm never looking to set someone up to fail!
If they blew the task off thinking they'd get "punished" then that could be seen as bratting |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom?
It's very much what it sounds like, if a sub is giving you a list of "do this, like that, then I want this, using that" etc etc that's topping from the bottom.
It can be a good way to introduce someone that's new to being in the "top" role etc etc
It's also very open to interpretation, so what one person might considered helpful because they are learning, might annoy a more experienced person.
Hope that helps?
I've been accused of this for just pointing out what I like but people aren't mind readers so surely if you don't say they won't know? Some tops/Doms can get really arsey about it.
Sounds like someone (their) ego was getting a little dented"
Oh just a little   |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that more "SAM - Smart ass masochist"?
Nope, wanting a spanking doesn’t make you a masochist. "
Good point |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
"
True. But if the sub knows which button to push they can test the Dom’s patience and end up having them do what they want. |
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"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that more "SAM - Smart ass masochist"?
Nope, wanting a spanking doesn’t make you a masochist.
Good point "
|
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"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure. "
That's being a brat in my opinion. I want to ultimately submit but I enjoy the battle of wills before I do. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure.
It would kind of depend on how they didn't do it and what their motivation was!
If I set someone a task and they didn't complete it, I'd want to know why! Did I set something too hard for them to complete, I'm never looking to set someone up to fail!
If they blew the task off thinking they'd get "punished" then that could be seen as bratting"
This is a very important lesson to learn - no tasks should be given where the bottom is set up to fail just so you as the top can punish them. Thats just abuse.
They can be challenging, difficult, timely or hard to do, but they shouldn’t be impossible. |
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"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure.
There is no one true way, so what one Dom may call a brat others wouldn’t.
In my opinion that would just be a disobedient submissive.
Being bratty for me has an air of cheekiness about them, how they respond and act."
I feel it depends, just because I am submissive doesn’t mean I obey every dominant. I obey the dominant I am serving no else.
I feel it would depend on what the scene and the dynamic is between the persons involved.
No right or wrong answer to this |
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"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure.
That's being a brat in my opinion. I want to ultimately submit but I enjoy the battle of wills before I do. "
Personally I enjoy being on the receiving end of the battle of wills before someone submits. It's not as fun if it's easily won  . |
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"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure.
That's being a brat in my opinion. I want to ultimately submit but I enjoy the battle of wills before I do.
Personally I enjoy being on the receiving end of the battle of wills before someone submits. It's not as fun if it's easily won . "
I enjoy it too, find the battle clears my mind so when I've finally submitted I'm totally focused on the scene. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
True. But if the sub knows which button to push they can test the Dom’s patience and end up having them do what they want."
But if you know they want the spanking then its up to you as the top to either provide that or something else.
However a punishment spanking should differ from a fun/play spanking due to how it is administered and what happens afterwards. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"If a submissive doesn't do exactly as they are told would it be right for the dom to call them a brat.
Just throwing this one in for good measure.
There is no one true way, so what one Dom may call a brat others wouldn’t.
In my opinion that would just be a disobedient submissive.
Being bratty for me has an air of cheekiness about them, how they respond and act.
I feel it depends, just because I am submissive doesn’t mean I obey every dominant. I obey the dominant I am serving no else.
I feel it would depend on what the scene and the dynamic is between the persons involved.
No right or wrong answer to this "
I agree, if there is no dynamic between you then regardless of how you consider yourself there is no expectation or assumption on a persons behaviour and anyone that does play the Me Dom you sub game to people they are not in a dynamic with are just being dicks. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
True. But if the sub knows which button to push they can test the Dom’s patience and end up having them do what they want.
But if you know they want the spanking then its up to you as the top to either provide that or something else.
However a punishment spanking should differ from a fun/play spanking due to how it is administered and what happens afterwards."
Yes, my example is an attempt from the sub to top from the bottom, to try and get me to do what they want. And it’s up to me to decide if I play along or not.
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"So if you were having sex, you're on top and you place the guys hands on your boobs to signal you want boob/nipple play is that topping from the bottom..... I mean technically you're on top. Humour me!
Posted this thread for others to see the responses as it's come up a few times lately. "
So I don't think you being on top indicates you topping especially if you've been put there by your Dom. Additionally you implied that you'd like your nipple's played with. It would then be up the the Dom if they did or not. There would be no repercussions if he didn't so it's not a command so again you aren't topping. If a Dom got upset with this scenario I would suggest that they were a little upset that you've asked. And felt that they should have known you wanted your nipple's played with. Because some believe Dom's know everything and are mind readers. |
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
When a man asks me to be his mistress or to dominate him then tells me what to do.
If I'm the dominant then I decide what happens.
I'll discuss any no go areas first, and what he calls me, but I'm in charge boyo.
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By *ad NannaWoman
over a year ago
East London |
"When a man asks me to be his mistress or to dominate him then tells me what to do.
If I'm the dominant then I decide what happens.
I'll discuss any no go areas first, and what he calls me, but I'm in charge boyo.
"
And, if I'm not doing what he wants then I'm not the person for him. |
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By *an_LexaCouple
over a year ago
Sunderland |
It’s a very personal thing between each top and bottom, is likely to look different in each dynamic/relationship. What’s acceptable to a top and whether they “play along” will be down to you both personally. Certain behaviours will be endearing to one top, bratty to another, unacceptable to a third.
Personally, I feel it’s a bottom engineering control of some sort to some degree. An example would be set me tasks and I will always aim to complete to the absolute best of my ability, to total satisfaction. Craving the knowledge that I’ve achieved what you’ve set out, that I’ve pleased you. But I would always strive to add a little something extra into it, something different, play on your words so that I feel I hold a little control. You would come to realise this happened every time no doubt eventually but I’d certainly have hoped to have kept some control for quite a while, all whilst still pleasing you.
Lex |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So if you were having sex, you're on top and you place the guys hands on your boobs to signal you want boob/nipple play is that topping from the bottom..... I mean technically you're on top. Humour me!
Posted this thread for others to see the responses as it's come up a few times lately. "
No I don't think so, being physically on top doesn't make you a top, it's more about the power dynamic I think |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
Punishment is no spanking for a week "
Or no play /play stops.. THAT is a punishment for sure
I think misbehaving to get a spanking is called funishment? |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Topping from the bottom is when a sub does things to get the result they want.
Like being rude to get attention or punishment. Or deliberately not cumming when told to because they want the torture/teasing to continue
Or kneeling when asked to stand because they fancy oral today. |
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"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
Punishment is no spanking for a week
Or no play /play stops.. THAT is a punishment for sure
I think misbehaving to get a spanking is called funishment? "
That is what we call it. But normally for us it's me being mischievous for attention so we start play. More than full on misbehaving. For example, him asking for the remote and me saying no and then we both know where we're going. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
Punishment is no spanking for a week
Or no play /play stops.. THAT is a punishment for sure
I think misbehaving to get a spanking is called funishment? "
Funishment is when the dominant punishes for fun reasons.
Like last week my wife got a spanking because she gave me an erection. She "needed to be taught a lesson" ect |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"An example could be when a sub purposefully misbehaves because they fancy a spanking.
Isn't that being bratty? Or both?
Thats being a brat, not topping from the bottom in my book, because you as the top can choose to provide desired spanking or something else.
Punishment is no spanking for a week
Or no play /play stops.. THAT is a punishment for sure
I think misbehaving to get a spanking is called funishment?
Funishment is when the dominant punishes for fun reasons.
Like last week my wife got a spanking because she gave me an erection. She "needed to be taught a lesson" ect "
Exactly, the old “look what you have done!” justification |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
|
"It's when someone wants to be in complete control of a scene when claiming they're submitting. It often comes about through confusion about what submission actually is and people believing that enjoying certain acts makes them submissive when this isn't true. So someone might enjoy masochism or pegging or bondage and assume that makes them submissive but then when they want to be in total control of the situation, it can be frustrating for a Dominant partner.
For the record, there's nothing actually wrong with wanting to have complete control when being on the receiving end of these activities, it just isn't submission so they need to find better words negotiate what they want in order to find more compatible partners.
In my experience, a lot of men who call themselves submissive fall into this box. They approach Dominant/Switch women with a whole, prescripted version of exactly what they want with no room for the woman to have any input. We're just there to fill a role in a fantasy they've already created. I'm sure there's people out there who would enjoy that situation but personally it wouldn't scratch any itches for me. "
This is much better than my response.
It's not something I would be interested in either.
It's not hard to correct if you want to. You explain the scene will proceed to my plan or we can just go and have a cup of coffee and talk about movies.
Like a wise friend said to me today, it's a dance. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
|
"So if you were having sex, you're on top and you place the guys hands on your boobs to signal you want boob/nipple play is that topping from the bottom..... I mean technically you're on top. Humour me!
Posted this thread for others to see the responses as it's come up a few times lately.
So I don't think you being on top indicates you topping especially if you've been put there by your Dom. Additionally you implied that you'd like your nipple's played with. It would then be up the the Dom if they did or not. There would be no repercussions if he didn't so it's not a command so again you aren't topping. If a Dom got upset with this scenario I would suggest that they were a little upset that you've asked. And felt that they should have known you wanted your nipple's played with. Because some believe Dom's know everything and are mind readers. "
I just used that as an example and the part about being actually on top was a joke.
I agree with you though. It's just interesting the varied views on topping from the bottom and where people apply them.
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"What is it and can you give it examples of it?
How do tell the difference between someone letting you know want they like and topping from the bottom? "
I would say if you are asking/telling them a list of instructions during the play then you topping from the bottom. As it more what you specifically need. And are probably playing with the wrong person and would be more suited to a service top.
If you are offering feedback from a place to enhance the Scene for all parties then it’s not topping from the bottom.
But as will of these things it’s subjective to the people involved. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I’ve been in a D/s dynamic for nearly a year and a half, so we know each other really well.
I sometimes put his hands where I want them, and for the most part he will do that, as we’re giving pleasure to each other, but at times my hand will be firmly removed, leaving no doubt who’s in charge.
I may brat a little, like sticking my tongue out, knowing I’ll get a slap (repeat x 10 ).
I also know him so well, that at times I am topping from the bottom, but he knows exactly what I’m doing, and he allows it because he chooses to.
So I do, at times top from the bottom, but really because he allows it, so maybe it’s not topping from the bottom at all. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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That was a really interesting read. I think if your asking for what you want from the bottom your topping. When I’m in sub mode I wouldn’t dream of asking for what I want. Sir is in control and his decision what to do and when is what happens. Of course all subs play up to get what we want ie spanking, cane etc but a sir who knows you well knows this and you don’t get what you want |
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