FabSwingers.com > Forums > The Lounge > Genuine interest
Genuine interest
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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So as its looking more likely that we will start to return to a semblance of normal life, how do you reflect on the Fab friendships you've started to grow through lockdown ...
Like... How do you know if someone is really genuine when they say they are interested in you, vs, someone wanting a notch in their headboard / or to scratch a covid itch or someone feeding you some bullsh*t...
Or doesn't it matter ... Afterall its a ssx site, we are here for sex.. Not integrity and depth of character ? |
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I’ve chatted with a few, some with a view to meeting for a social but none that I would look for more than that. Now is the time to consider those type of conversations with new connections, when perhaps it may lead to something in the not too distant future.... maybe |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I’ve chatted with a few, some with a view to meeting for a social but none that I would look for more than that. Now is the time to consider those type of conversations with new connections, when perhaps it may lead to something in the not too distant future.... maybe"
Just a maybe? 
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New friendships will all be kept as socials, last years plans have kept going and have become more intimate over a year of no contact so physical consummation of those relationships is high on my priorities |
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By *eliWoman
over a year ago
. |
You can be here for sex but also have it with someone who shows integrity, treats you as a human rather than a notch. That's perfectly possible.
I'm not too sure there's a set way of knowing. To be very blunt, I think most men on here would be happy to have as much sex as they could with as many women as they find attractive. It doesn't mean they are necessarily collecting notches, it just means they like a lot of sex with a lot of different people. If that's not compatible with how you approach things, you can soon find that out.
I think now I'm going to be a lot more wary and just accept that people will be talking to lots of other people, whether they say so or not. And also let people show me they are interested by actions.
Generally you can read how genuine someone is. If they seem more interested in talking to you then going on Fab and finding others to talk to, you're probably on to a winner. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I am on the edge.
I think friendships, like romantic relationships, are based on expectations and are twofold. You'll only manage to be friend with people who match your expectations and vice versa. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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This is possibly more of a dilemma for women given the ratios?
Im happy to simply be friends with people. Its nice to have friends that you can actually talk to about this stuff as I keep it away from my family, friends and colleagues.
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"I am on the edge.
I think friendships, like romantic relationships, are based on expectations and are twofold. You'll only manage to be friend with people who match your expectations and vice versa. "
Yes i agree... But how do you know if someone is adapting their expectations because they know there is a chance of meeting (this is just a ponderance)
... And does it matter if you like them |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am on the edge.
I think friendships, like romantic relationships, are based on expectations and are twofold. You'll only manage to be friend with people who match your expectations and vice versa.
Yes i agree... But how do you know if someone is adapting their expectations because they know there is a chance of meeting (this is just a ponderance)
... And does it matter if you like them "
You're over thinking it, If you like them meet them and find out |
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By *VineMan
over a year ago
The right place |
I’m not looking for a relationship but I will only meet people that I actually like. Sex is great fun but there’s always a fair bit of time in between/before/after when you talk and kiss etc. For me that’s as much fun as the sex and it needs to be with someone I enjoy being with.
Ultimately there’s only one way to find out. |
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We're just playing a waiting game, but even once restrictions are lifted, we also have to have time and babysitters!
There's a few we DEFINITELY know we're meeting and would love to sort a Lincoln social, but it's silly planning and getting hopes up until we can actually meet and touch! |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm definitely going to have socials with everyone I've been in chat with over lockdown and, thankfully, they feel the same way! Otherwise we wouldn't be chatting ... but I always meet for socials first anyway simply because it's the only way for me to actually meet and get to know the real person. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Erm... I'm not really too sure to be honest. I've only been on here during lockdown and while I've spoken to some lovely people, I can't quite guage whether there is genuine interest on their side that would materialize into a meet. I hope it would but you never know, I'll probably just keep going as normal |
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By *gent CoulsonMan
over a year ago
Secret hideaway in the pennines |
Its important for me to have some kind of connection, there are a couple of people that I know nothing is ever going to happen sexually, but would be happy to spend time with.
There is one that I really want to meet and would be more than happy if it was more than socially |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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It’s as difficult now as it’s ever been differentiating between genuine and BS because all humans will wear a mask to try and achieve an aim 
I personally am not looking for romance in a relationship sense but totally happy to meet for socials, with no expectation, with people who are into me as I am them and go from there 
Excited to meet again and looking forward to travelling again whoop  |
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By *ea monkeyMan
over a year ago
Manchester (he/him) |
Without being rude or dismissive, this situation isn’t really any different from how I’ve ran my profile in the past.
I’ve not always had a lot of time to meet people for socials, especially if they’re far away. That’s meant that I’ve had long, long conversations with people (one lasted nearly 2 years before meeting).
It can bring a fair degree of overthinking into the process, it also can make some quail and lose interest.
This situation is different in that everyone is in the same enforced position but if you observe every connection individually then you can get a sense of how they make you feel, rather than considering multiple as potentials.
There may well be fakers, liars and fantasists that have held on throughout the length of lockdown, that’s the nature of fab.
I’d say that sticking to you process for checking a person (do people have checklists?) is the best way of handling it. Trust your feelings, listen to your gut, go from there.
I realise that I’m rambling a little, hopefully it makes sense |
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I've been fortunate to connect with people and develop friendships. I've enjoyed that even if the primary aim has been, eventually, sex.
The difference isn't always clear and dynamics change, but I'm happy with where I am. |
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I would *like* to meet someone as a true "friends with benefits" companion. Do some "normal" things, but also have an uncomplicated sex life. This is because of my own circumstances and I realise it's very, very unlikely. One of the women I've met off here sort of started out that way, but the lure of this site is strong, and she basically got "better offers". Not much I can do when I can offer a coffee on the beach and someone else offers a ride in their Ferrari. We did meet for a coffee in lockdown but it was obvious there was nothing else that was going to happen.
I'm not a fuckboy as they say these days, I'd rather have one (or two) I could meet regularly and actually get along with than thirty shags and not even remember their names.
Again just the difference between the make and female experience of this site. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"I am on the edge.
I think friendships, like romantic relationships, are based on expectations and are twofold. You'll only manage to be friend with people who match your expectations and vice versa.
Yes i agree... But how do you know if someone is adapting their expectations because they know there is a chance of meeting (this is just a ponderance)
... And does it matter if you like them "
I think that we are all, in a way or another, adapt ourselves to social contexts. Fab is no different from this.
I think that it does matter if an individual tailors himself/herself to meet your perceived expectations to a certain extent. Especially if you like them. Now you have to question the reason behind your liking. Do you like or like the idea of them ? |
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By *EAT..85Woman
over a year ago
Nottingham |
"So as its looking more likely that we will start to return to a semblance of normal life, how do you reflect on the Fab friendships you've started to grow through lockdown ...
Like... How do you know if someone is really genuine when they say they are interested in you, vs, someone wanting a notch in their headboard / or to scratch a covid itch or someone feeding you some bullsh*t...
Or doesn't it matter ... Afterall its a ssx site, we are here for sex.. Not integrity and depth of character ? "
I'm sure we were destined to meet  |
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"I am on the edge.
I think friendships, like romantic relationships, are based on expectations and are twofold. You'll only manage to be friend with people who match your expectations and vice versa.
Yes i agree... But how do you know if someone is adapting their expectations because they know there is a chance of meeting (this is just a ponderance)
... And does it matter if you like them
I think that we are all, in a way or another, adapt ourselves to social contexts. Fab is no different from this.
I think that it does matter if an individual tailors himself/herself to meet your perceived expectations to a certain extent. Especially if you like them. Now you have to question the reason behind your liking. Do you like or like the idea of them ? "
That's a brilliant question |
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I keep things very simple. There’s only one person that thinks they will meet me after lockdown and I’ve spoken to them for well over a year. Similarly I don’t flirt with random people on here because I’m a really literal person and it doesn’t sit right if I don’t mean it. Whilst the flirty threads are fun I think there’s a danger of folk flirting with everyone and watering down the act of actually fancying someone. |
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By *etcplCouple
over a year ago
Gapping Fanny |
"How do you know if someone is really genuine when they say they are interested in you, vs, someone wanting a notch in their headboard / or to scratch a covid itch or someone feeding you some bullsh*t...
Or doesn't it matter ... Afterall its a ssx site, we are here for sex.. Not integrity and depth of character ? "
Do you mean interested in a romantic way, or forming a FB/FWB type long term arrangement as opposed to saying what you want to hear to get a fuck and then disappearing?
Actions speak louder than words, so how they behave. Do they get mardy at the suggestion you don’t fuck in the first 5 minutes?
Are they happy to wait until you are ready to tale things further. Do they act in ways that create flags, only available at certain times etc.
The reality is there is no one proven method, its a bit of luck mixed with experience. Go in with your eyes open, and expecting that all they want is a fuck and nothing more. You can then make an informed decision as to if you want that or not.
If they surprise you with theit behaviour then thats a good thing.
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I haven’t arranged to meet anyone during this forced hiatus, I have chatted to quite a few people but tend to withdraw a little when talk of meeting occurs.
I like the spontaneity of this lifestyle, that is where the excitement is for me, endless messages of “we will do this, we will do that” actually diminishes the “thrill” of it all. So whilst I now have a much larger friendlist, I don’t talk to those people on a regular basis as I feel it would lessen the excitement somewhat.
Some people on that list, will just forever be friends(for as long as they wish). I tend to live in the “now” and right now, we still can’t meet, so my interaction is tempered by that reality |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
I chat to a few people on here and would like to meet them at some point, even just socially.
I must admit that i do have a bit of difficulty trying to figure out if some of them are dangling a that carrot just to get their kicks.  |
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"I chat to a few people on here and would like to meet them at some point, even just socially.
I must admit that i do have a bit of difficulty trying to figure out if some of them are dangling a that carrot just to get their kicks. "
I have no carrot. Lincoln WILL happen! And I expect the biggest smoooshing ever! I'll even wear blue |
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By *hunky GentMan
over a year ago
Maldon and Peterborough |
"I chat to a few people on here and would like to meet them at some point, even just socially.
I must admit that i do have a bit of difficulty trying to figure out if some of them are dangling a that carrot just to get their kicks.
I have no carrot. Lincoln WILL happen! And I expect the biggest smoooshing ever! I'll even wear blue "
We've spoken about this and yes a trip to Lincoln definitely on.
I'll make sure my hands are warm.  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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We have been locked down a long time, the people who are still around now are the ones im still interested in and the ones who are interested in me. Genuine friendships are consistent, not only when covid convenient |
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By *rHotNottsMan
over a year ago
Dubai & Nottingham |
"I am on the edge.
I think friendships, like romantic relationships, are based on expectations and are twofold. You'll only manage to be friend with people who match your expectations and vice versa.
Yes i agree... But how do you know if someone is adapting their expectations because they know there is a chance of meeting (this is just a ponderance)
... And does it matter if you like them "
The best way is to take your time , the best things are always worth waiting for. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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Oh.. People come and go.
Consistency is a sign of genuine intentions I guess, but then we all need breaks and time outs and it can get intense... Saying that, if you are able to pick up the pieces where you left off, as easily as the time before, it might just work.
Genuine- what it means? Someone who follows what they say? Sometimes they cannot follow through their words/promises and it leads to disappointment... but you don't want to dismiss people hastily either.. on the other hand why should you hang around without a word of care from them?
I'll be thinking of your question Midnight. I'm not sure if I'm capable of giving an answer. |
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By (user no longer on site) OP
over a year ago
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"Oh.. People come and go.
Consistency is a sign of genuine intentions I guess, but then we all need breaks and time outs and it can get intense... Saying that, if you are able to pick up the pieces where you left off, as easily as the time before, it might just work.
Genuine- what it means? Someone who follows what they say? Sometimes they cannot follow through their words/promises and it leads to disappointment... but you don't want to dismiss people hastily either.. on the other hand why should you hang around without a word of care from them?
I'll be thinking of your question Midnight. I'm not sure if I'm capable of giving an answer."
I like that I'm in people's head... My brain is ticking over with every response and considering /testing / trying them on for size...
I'm still thinking about whether i like, or like the idea of them  |
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"So as its looking more likely that we will start to return to a semblance of normal life, how do you reflect on the Fab friendships you've started to grow through lockdown ...
Like... How do you know if someone is really genuine when they say they are interested in you, vs, someone wanting a notch in their headboard / or to scratch a covid itch or someone feeding you some bullsh*t...
Or doesn't it matter ... Afterall its a ssx site, we are here for sex.. Not integrity and depth of character ? "
Personally I do not see much difference between how I approach swing and kink. In the kink community I only play with people I've met in person and those who show genuine respect and friendship so I expect that as a bare minimum. The social aspect and connection are crucial for me. I want to be safe (by which I mean unharmed) and I am also not interested in mediocre experiences (let alone bad) so it takes a lot of effort.
Also being a person who does not believe in pen pals and online fantasy relationships (maybe that sounds harsh but some little pictures and some words on a screen is just smoke and mirrors to me) - once I meet them in person for a coffee then I form a proper impression - and then from there it will be actions that will show me if we are aligned or not. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So as its looking more likely that we will start to return to a semblance of normal life, how do you reflect on the Fab friendships you've started to grow through lockdown ...
Like... How do you know if someone is really genuine when they say they are interested in you, vs, someone wanting a notch in their headboard / or to scratch a covid itch or someone feeding you some bullsh*t...
Or doesn't it matter ... Afterall its a ssx site, we are here for sex.. Not integrity and depth of character ? "
I’ve been talking to some on here daily for months and took it further with phone calls and texting. I think the people who I’ve spoke to like that are 100% genuine. I think you can generally read people that just want a notch on their headboard. Actions speak louder than words and those that understand the situation, happy to wait and get to know each other are more than likely genuine... |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"So as its looking more likely that we will start to return to a semblance of normal life, how do you reflect on the Fab friendships you've started to grow through lockdown ...
Like... How do you know if someone is really genuine when they say they are interested in you, vs, someone wanting a notch in their headboard / or to scratch a covid itch or someone feeding you some bullsh*t...
Or doesn't it matter ... Afterall its a ssx site, we are here for sex.. Not integrity and depth of character ?
I’ve been talking to some on here daily for months and took it further with phone calls and texting. I think the people who I’ve spoke to like that are 100% genuine. I think you can generally read people that just want a notch on their headboard. Actions speak louder than words and those that understand the situation, happy to wait and get to know each other are more than likely genuine..."
Exactly this 100%.. |
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By *rder66Man
over a year ago
Tatooine |
Since you have my brain ticking over and thinking as genuine interest opposed to just flirting..
How do you know if someone is really genuine when they say they are interested in you: I'm open and honest to what I say to people and would hope they are they same, as I get to know them, the initial attraction might go, depending on what has happened, perhaps they display things I don't like such having too much of an ego or just horrible to other people. I would always be honest with them and tell them that I no longer have an interest in persuing anything with them. I don't hold who I am back or change to suit what they are looking for.
someone wanting a notch in their headboard / or to scratch a covid itch or someone feeding you some bullsh*t: Obvoulsy I don't think many women are trying to keep score but, there are some who like to play games and feed bullshit just so your feed their ego or get fabs, maybe, they could also be men pretending but, that is another post. Once they see my face or talk to me, that would normaly sort that issue out.
Or doesn't it matter ... Afterall its a ssx site, we are here for sex.. Not integrity and depth of character ? I think it does matter yes, I would like to find more then just sex and would love to find someone I could share this side of me with as well as my more spiritual/hippy side. For me a connection is important and integraity and depth of character is a attractive to me. Yes it's a sex site but, why can't it be more.
Then again, everyone is different and time can only tell reveal the truth. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I gave up chatting to men on fab, other than to check in with hello and how are you messages about a month into the first lockdown.
I have had no interest in engaging at all in a sexual conversation or an inclination to pursue anything.
I have chatted with ladies on here that I look forward to meeting over the next few months in a social setting.
So fab has gone a bit topsy turvy for me. Maybe one day I will get my mojo back. Life has just taken a different turn in my private life to even miss it. |
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"People tend not to really converse much on here. I mean its a sex site after all."
I think there's a huge difference in how people converse: I've developed some incredible friendships and people I talk to all the time. |
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By *indergirlWoman
over a year ago
somewhere, someplace |
I think for me ultimately it's a just wait and see, there's some I've spoken to privately and it's been indicated they want to meet, then radio silence and not heard from anymore, some I'll chat to for days, then quiet for a good while, obviously life is not the norm and they're could be good reason for that or it could be it was just a distraction from life and I was there at the time.
I know there's definitely some that are going to result in socials and meets and some I've not really spoken to much that will too. So as I said it's all a lets see when restrictions lift what happens as to if they're genuine or not |
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I think the people that we’ve chatted to for a long time are genuine as we’ve talked about everything and anything...most of the time, we’ve not discussed sex at all.
There’s been some who have chatted for a couple of days and then then disappeared and others who you get the impression don't want to talk until lockdown is over with.
I don’t think we’ll ever get to a point of feeling like we are a notch on the bedpost as we’ll have spoken to people for a long time before we met up with them.
K |
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"This is possibly more of a dilemma for women given the ratios?
Im happy to simply be friends with people. Its nice to have friends that you can actually talk to about this stuff as I keep it away from my family, friends and colleagues.
"
I agree that this is not an expecially male dilemma. If a woman feigned genuine interest in me in order to get sex, I'd still consider myself a winner  |
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By *abs..Woman
over a year ago
.. |
Pre or post lockdown, I view it the same way, no difference really. I take it all which a pinch of salt, I understand that whatever is being said to me is probably being said to several women and I try to hang on to my privacy. I haven’t changed my approach or expectations. I know some lovely people and it would be great to see them again  |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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"Oh.. People come and go.
Consistency is a sign of genuine intentions I guess, but then we all need breaks and time outs and it can get intense... Saying that, if you are able to pick up the pieces where you left off, as easily as the time before, it might just work.
Genuine- what it means? Someone who follows what they say? Sometimes they cannot follow through their words/promises and it leads to disappointment... but you don't want to dismiss people hastily either.. on the other hand why should you hang around without a word of care from them?
I'll be thinking of your question Midnight. I'm not sure if I'm capable of giving an answer.
I like that I'm in people's head... My brain is ticking over with every response and considering /testing / trying them on for size...
I'm still thinking about whether i like, or like the idea of them "
Great question by F&B. |
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By (user no longer on site)
over a year ago
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I'm not sure what's gained by overthinking this question. If people want to meet after lockdown, they'll meet; if their attraction and interest is genuine this will become clear from that point. If I want a real life connection, for friendship, sex or both, then I'll base that on real world interactions. I'm very positive about the Fab friendships I've made during lockdown but I simply don't have the time or energy to overanalyse them while they only exist in a virtual form. |
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"I’ve chatted with a few, some with a view to meeting for a social but none that I would look for more than that. Now is the time to consider those type of conversations with new connections, when perhaps it may lead to something in the not too distant future.... maybe
Just a maybe?
"
Well you never know |
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